Going Home by D.A. Kent

Kathryn Janeway looked around the room at her senior staff. She felt her heart swell with pride. They had performed their duties aboard Voyager for nearly seven long years, going above and beyond the call of duty more often than not. Perhaps the time had come when she would finally get them home.

The room was electric with a mixture of hope and fear; hope that they would finally be returning to the Alpha Quadrant and home, and fear that the wormhole they were depending on to get them there would collapse before they could use it.

Kathryn knew that the final stage of their voyage together would truly test the best of them. She knew much more than they did about what to expect upon their return home. She was a Starfleet Captain, after all. And she'd thought about little else for seven years.

With a sigh, she stood and struck her best Captainly pose before the group, knowing that they would immediately quiet down and turn to her. They did, and she smiled a weak smile at them. She had a disciplined crew and they were tuned in to her every movement.

They were also a very tired crew. Finding and tracking the wormhole had been no small effort; it had taken five weeks, and the entire crew had felt the pressure. And the worst was still ahead of them. Would they make it back home or would they have to face their greatest disappointment thus far?

"Welcome to what is hopefully one of our last staff meetings," she smiled at the senior staff. Many soft laughs and sighs of relief ensued. "However, we must keep in mind that, while we keep hope alive for ourselves and the rest of the crew, we do not allow ourselves the luxury of losing sight of the obstacles we have yet to face." She paused for effect. "We have a lot of work ahead of us, People. And, unfortunately, whether or not we are successful depends on our share of luck, as well." She noticed the almost imperceptible reactions of both Tuvok and Seven as she said the word 'luck.' She smiled to herself. Logical.

"I know that you all have a great deal to accomplish yet today, so I'll make this brief . . . ." She knew they were all wondering about the purpose of this meeting. They had already had the usual staff report meeting. This was a special meeting that had only been called an hour ago, when she had asked Chakotay to inform the senior staff that there would be a special staff meeting at 1400 hours. He had obliged, and she had then called both Chakotay and Tuvok into her ready room to brief them on the purpose of this meeting.

It had always been her intent to call this meeting as a *Special Meeting* when the time came. She did not want it to interfere with any other duties or meeting agendas that were already scheduled.

This was a meeting to discuss special instructions for the crew upon arriving home. There was one item on this agenda, and it was all hers.

She took a deep breath and continued. "There is only one topic for discussion here and now: Our return home. Let us assume, for the purpose of discussion, that we will be successful in getting through the wormhole and returning to the Alpha Quadrant. According to the transmission we received five days ago from Starfleet Headquarters, they will ask us to dock at Deep Space Twelve. This is good news. Most of us are more familiar with the Deep Space Four and Deep Space Nine space stations, and I need to be sure we remain as neutral as possible in our initial negotiations with the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet Command." She paused, waiting for her words to sink in and for her staff to focus on what she intended to tell them now.

She looked at each face in the quiet room. She gazed at Neelix, her sensitive morale officer who made it his special job to look after his Captain, sometimes to the point of intrusion, yet she always forgave him. There was Tom Paris, a man who had truly grown from man- child to man in the past seven years, and B'Elanna Torres, a capable young half-human, half-Klingon woman who carried her own demons. That Tom and B'Elanna had become a couple, a most unlikely yet remarkably stable couple, was something that still made her smile in wonderment. Then her glance fell upon Seven of Nine, a young female former Borg who was finally beginning to find her own way, and Harry, a young green ensign on his first mission - a two-week mission that had turned into seven years - and a more dedicated and devoted crewmember no Captain would ever find. The fact that Harry and Seven were slowly becoming a new couple and forming a bond that both needed desperately was no surprise to her, yet she worried about their future together when they returned to Earth and it was discovered that the beautiful young woman was once part of the Borg collective.

Then there was the Doctor, a hologram who'd developed his own conscience as well as a decent bedside manner after all, and who had become much more than a projection of light, shadow and energy; Tuvok, her advisor, friend and sometimes conscience - a Vulcan whose wisdom had saved her from herself on countless occasions; and, of course, to her immediate right sat Chakotay.

Chakotay was her Rock of Gibraltar, her friend and so much more.

They were as close as two people could possibly be; they had shared everything two people could share with each other, been places together, accomplished incredible things . . . together. They had moved heaven and earth, prayed to and cursed the gods, and cheated the devil himself, if the Borg and Species 8472 were to be considered such. They'd saved each others lives and the lives of their crew countless times, shared meals and a bed when they'd had to. There was only one thing they hadn't shared, and that was a physical bond. And although they had come so close on so many occasions, it was the one thing they had yet to experience with each other. She wanted so much for that to happen, but wondered if Fate would ever grant them the chance.

Kathryn shook her head and brought herself back to the present.

"First, I want each and every one of you to know that no matter what happens now, the efforts you have all given are more appreciated than you can ever know. You are all fine officers and I am proud to have had you serve as part of my crew." She looked down and paused a moment to make sure no emotion crawled into her voice.

"Now. I need you all to understand how Starfleet Headquarters and the United Federation of Planets will plan events once we get through to the other side of the wormhole. First, we can be sure we will immediately be contacted by Starfleet Headquarters. As commandeers of this vessel, they will be afforded the opportunity of first contact with us. More than likely, the first person we will see on our viewscreen, assuming that it will still be operational after passing through the wormhole, will be the face of a Starfleet Admiral." She paused. She especially wanted Tom Paris to have a moment to consider her words. The first face they saw could very well be that of his Father.

"This is how it will happen," she continued. "We will be greeted formally by the Admiral, then given coordinates and instructions for bringing Voyager to the space station. They will give us further instructions once we have successfully docked. Those instructions will include debriefing procedures, containment cautions and how to deal with the public press. They will ask us to disembark, and then they will escort us to another vessel. That vessel will be instructed to proceed to one of the top secret and highly secure debriefing sites that the Federation keeps for such confidential debriefings. In our case, we will probably end up in one of the highly restricted areas within Starfleet Headquarters. Our families will be formally notified of our return, even though our faces and career descriptions will be plastered on every public address system within the Federation of Planets. They will assure us of their sincere concern for our emotional welfare and tell us we are expected to cooperate fully so that we may return to our lives as quickly as possible." She paused again, letting her words sink into the minds of those in the room. She knew her words would mean nothing to Neelix or Seven, but they were listening intently anyway.

"We will not be allowed to communicate outside the debriefing site until it is no longer considered a security risk. Because our situation is . . . unique . . . our debriefing may continue for days or even weeks. We will not be allowed to interface with each other once we arrive at the site. Our debriefings will be separate and private and we will all be encouraged to share our innermost thoughts and feelings with the debriefing teams." Here she paused again. "Most of the crew will be debriefed in approximately three days. To hold them longer would raise questions in the eyes of the media, and Starfleet will be very concerned about negative publicity. More than likely the general crew will be allowed to leave while the senior staff will be detained longer. Obviously, the reason behind this is that all of you have been much closer to the hierarchy and the top decisions that have been made here on Voyager during these past seven years. Starfleet Command will be very interested in anything you might have to say." She once again paused to allow her words to settle into everyone's minds. "Does anyone have questions thus far?" she asked.

"Captain?" began Tom Paris.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" she encouraged.

"Ah, I don't understand. We are returning to the Alpha Quadrant after being lost in the Delta Quadrant for seven years."

"Your point, Mr. Paris?" she asked, knowing full well where he was going with this.

"Well, granted, this wasn't a planned scouting trip to the Delta Quadrant, but we have a shipload of new information about a quadrant of space that Starfleet and the Federation have no previous knowledge of. Why will we be treated like criminals? I mean, the crew in general. Voyager. I know I will be treated like a criminal. The Maquis may also have something to worry about . . ." he finished quietly.

"You're right, Tom. I will address that in a moment." Kathryn nearly sighed. Leave it to Tom Paris to get straight to the heart of what she most wanted to discuss. "First, our return will be a much celebrated event. Unfortunately, we will not personally be involved in these initial celebrations. While the media, and Starfleet, are celebrating our return, we will be debriefed and, of course, given a complete check up by enthusiastic medical teams wanting to be certain we haven't brought back some terrible disease from an unknown planet in some unknown star system." A few chuckles came from some of the staff, chuckles that the Doctor did not understand.

Many of the Doctor's comrades were most likely thinking the same thing: Voyager's doctor, though a hologram, was not only capable, but extremely motivated, to make sure everyone aboard Voyager was in excellent physical health. Detaining crewmembers was the only method at his disposal to ensure he had company in Sickbay.

And he truly enjoyed having someone to talk to.

Now Captain Janeway lowered her voice an octave and leaned over the table slightly so that her words would be taken very seriously.

"Remember, People, lack of knowledge purports fear in most humanoid species, as well as in many non-humanoid species. The fear of the unknown is what has kept our species' alive with ambition and reinforced the quest for more knowledge - but it has also been the undoing of many civilizations. We all know what Fear wants; every one of us here in this room has dealt with Fear."

Everyone in the room, save Seven, remembered quite well how the Captain how dealt with Fear Itself when they had discovered the humanoid life forms who had been kept in stasis chambers for longer than their fifteen year cycle. The Captain had found that Fear had taken their minds captive and threatened to destroy them if Janeway and her crew didn't leave them alone with him in his mental playground, forever. But the Captain had tricked him into letting his captives go; she had answered her own question: What does Fear want most? To be conquered.

The Captain continued. "After Voyager's crew is debriefed and the medical analyses check out, the crewmembers will be released to rejoin their families, and to rebuild their lives. There will be much fanfare, more celebrations, and all the crewmembers will be interviewed by the media as often as possible. We, the senior staff, will remain in the secured location, more than likely, and we may or may not be allowed to watch the news reports." Again, she paused. "I must warn you: Sometimes people change the way they behave, the way they think, after surviving a terrible or frightening incident or event." She looked around the room, taking in the faces of her senior staff. They were trying to figure out what she meant by that last statement.

"What I mean to say is that people can change. For example, someone who was an exemplary crewman, who caused no problems and perhaps even supported his commanding officer and offered constant assistance whenever possible, may suddenly say some untoward things when in the face of a media conference, especially after the journey is well over and there can be no further consequence." She paused, and took in the blank, lost looks of her senior staff. She sighed inwardly. "I realize I'm being vague. Unfortunately, there is no way I can prepare you for some events that may unfold, no matter how much I want to. I just hope that you will remember my words, if there is a need to later. All I'm saying is: Be prepared for anything to happen."

Kathryn sighed imperceptibly - she hoped. This was much more difficult, and exhausting, than she'd ever imagined. "Now, let's get back to Mr. Paris' earlier questions."

Captain Janeway paused, then spoke more slowly, and with more emphasis. "I've just told you how Starfleet Command will orchestrate our homecoming."

The Captain paused again briefly so that she could look at each of her senior staff now gathered around the conference table. "Now let me tell you how I see events unfolding."

The entire staff sat a bit straighter in their chairs. They could sense the tides changing. The Captain was going to prepare them for another scenario, their true mission. This homecoming wasn't going to be dictated by the Federation, it was going to be orchestrated by Captain Kathryn Janeway of the U.S.S. Federation Starship Voyager. Tom Paris smiled. Now, things were going to get interesting.

Kathryn Janeway stood straight beside her chair. This was the moment she had waited for - for seven years; she had looked forward to it, and dreaded it. Earlier, she had briefed Chakotay and Tuvok as to the purpose of this meeting, but she hadn't told them all of what she was going to say to the staff. She knew they would expect part of this, but she also knew she would surprise them with some of what she would say now. So be it. She would handle repercussions later, if necessary. It had to be this way.

"Here is how I see our homecoming unfolding." She looked into each pair of eyes before continuing. She had to be sure they understood what was happening here. She had their undivided attention. Good.

"After we pass through the wormhole, we will be contacted by the Federation - as I said before, the first face we will see will more than likely be that of an Admiral." She noticed Chakotay and Tuvok sit a bit straighter in their chairs, waiting. They both knew that she was capable of doing anything. They also knew her well enough to know that they would have to work very hard to stay one step ahead of her. She smiled to herself; let them try. She needed everyone to be as sharp as possible.

"After we are hailed and receive a warm welcome home, I will state our demands." She again paused. "Understand this: We will be arriving back in the Alpha Quadrant, a place most of us still call home. But we have to keep in mind that the political climate has more than likely gone through several changes since we were last aware of them seven years ago. At the time we became lost in the Delta Quadrant, political tensions were extremely high. We have no idea how the Federation views the Maquis now. We have no idea what has become of the conflict with the Cardassians, although we believe those issues to be settled. We will have to tread softly. I will not allow the Federation to treat the former Maquis on this ship any differently than our Starfleet issue crewmen." This last sentence was said more for herself than for the staff who were present in the room. She turned to look out the viewport behind her, at the star clusters that had served as their guide home for the past seven years. Chakotay and Tuvok managed to exchange a quick glance before she once again turned to face the people at the table.

"We will no longer be treated warmly after I state our demands. Starfleet is expecting our return to be witnessed dramatically through the public press, and they will do everything within their powers to make this happen without incident. They will not be expecting anything untoward to happen. After all, we are a crew who has been lost in a strange world for many years. We will be more than happy to comply with their orders and take any and all instructions without compromise. We will even be happy to accept repercussions of our past decisions gladly, just to be welcomed home again. This is how Starfleet and the Federation will view our return." She paused for emphasis. She began to walk slowly around the conference table, looking evenly at any pair of eyes that turned her way.

She continued. "But they are wrong. In the past seven years, we have done more than search frantically for a way home; we have all grown - as a group, and as individuals. We have all assimilated more knowledge. We are not the same explorers who became lost in the Delta Quadrant seven years ago." She had used the word 'assimilated' for Seven's benefit, she knew. She smiled to herself.

She wanted to inspire Seven to continue to listen to the conversation, and to make her feel a part of the group.

Captain Janeway continued. "We are not going to return home on anyone else's terms except our own. We will not be dictated to regarding the safety of our crewmembers. Starfleet Command will be unprepared for us to be anything but compliant. And they do not like being unprepared for anything." She paused again, allowing her words to sink in.

"Seven years is a long time to be away. Initially, I tried desperately to hold fast to the rules of the Federation and Starfleet Command above all else. I have always been aware of my duties to both Starfleet and to this crew. And there have been times when I've had to make difficult choices." She was sharing things with her senior staff that she had not said before, not in words. They sensed what she was about to say, but she felt the need to speak the words.

"There have been times I've been faced with choices that I may never have faced as a Starfleet Captain in the Alpha Quadrant. Not long after our crews were joined, Commander Chakotay tried to tell me I was holding onto Starfleet values in an area of space that Starfleet has never known. He argued that Starfleet protocols were not necessarily valid since Starfleet training never prepared us to meet many of the situations we were encountering. He also tried to reason with me about the impracticalities of the Prime Directive. I resisted listening to the Commander for as long as I possibly could.

Finally, I had to recognize the truth of his words, and sometimes I've had to adjust my ways of thinking, difficult as that may have been for me." All eyes were upon Captain Janeway, as she slowly made her way around the room, then back to her chair at the head of the table.

"You must all remember that in the eyes of Starfleet Command I am a well-trained, disciplined Starfleet official. I was trained to believe that there is no way better than the Starfleet way." She paused. "And I've believed that wholeheartedly for most of my life." She noticed Tuvok's expression soften slightly. He knew how difficult those first months and years were for her out here in the Delta Quadrant. She'd relied on his wisdom many times to help direct her down the right path. She only hoped she had not disappointed him along the way. She knew there were times he did not agree with her decisions, and that was all right. She just didn't want him to be disappointed in her. His opinion of her would always matter greatly.

Chakotay glanced around the room. The Captain certainly had everyone's undivided attention. It was so quiet one could hear the gentle hum of the warp engines. He was both proud of her and, at the same time, uneasy with her words. He kept listening to what she wasn't saying beneath the words. Even though she was sharing more with her senior staff than she ever had before, somehow he felt there were some things she was not saying. There was no reason for him to feel that way, except that he knew Kathryn Janeway. For the second time since the meeting began, he met Tuvok's eyes. So, Tuvok also believed there was more here than her words revealed. At least it wasn't his imagination alone.

Sometimes he knew he could be far too protective of his Captain.

But sometimes she could be so damned stubborn. He forced his attention back to the present.

Captain Janeway continued. "We will soon be facing a very different homecoming than what most of us have anticipated. It is vital that you all remember this. You are the senior staff and I expect you all to stand beside each other now as you have before.

Only this time it will be much more difficult. Emotion will soon play a big factor with this crew. To be home and not immediately be allowed to see family and friends, to have to wait for debriefings . . . And on top of that, the same Captain who was responsible for their seven-year absence from those family and friends may very well hold them hostage again, for the good of the crew. You can well imagine that the worst is not necessarily past us." Again, she paused. She had been exhausted coming into this meeting. Now she was pushing herself to get through it.

"Starfleet Command will not expect anything from us except blind faith and allegiance. So, as you may well imagine, they will be very unhappy with me when I fail to obey their orders. Remember who I am in their eyes: A decorated, reliable Starfleet Captain with a history of fighting every obstacle in her path and winning. I have served as a prime example of what they most want their Captains to be. And I will be hitting them where it hurts, their egos, when I let them know we are calling the shots, not them. First, they will wonder what influence I am under to have changed so much in their opinions. They will wonder if it is Borg influence - they may, you know - or some other alien influence. They will begin to wonder if seven years in the presence of countless unknown enemies can change a Starfleet Captain's way of thinking, no matter how well- trained. Keep in mind that no trained Starfleet official can ever be allowed to question Starfleet regulations. Trust me, Starfleet will be looking forward to my debriefing." She paused and again looked around the room. She wanted them to realize the full impact of how their arrival, and demands, would be received upon their return. She saw Tom Paris's expression. He knew full well the price of Starfleet regulations. His Father knew of nothing else. It was still amazing to her that his experience as Admiral Paris's son could be so different from her own experience as Admiral Paris's protégé.

"I want all of you to think about what I've told you. Reflect on this when you have a moment - every time you have a moment. I need all of you to keep a level head, to work with each other, to cling to each other. This is a time we cannot allow ourselves to be divided. This is our final test of strength as one unit." Seven would definitely understand that analogy.

It was time for the final moment of truth. "When you leave here today, I want each of you who have crew reporting to you, to call them together and explain the situation in whatever way you see fit.

Let them know our struggle isn't over the moment we reach the other side of the wormhole. In fact, in many ways, it has just begun. Let them know that their Captain isn't going to allow the Maquis, or any other member of her crew, to be persecuted or rejected by the society we are returning to. If some crewmembers choose to be angry with me, then allow them that. In fact, encourage them to be angry only with me. Just be sure they stick together as a crew. I will tolerate nothing but a unified front. Any crewmember who refuses to cooperate will be thrown in the brig.

We do not have the luxury of time for further discussion. Feel free to pass that tidbit on to the crew if need be." She paused yet again to let the depth of their situation sink in. And it was important as well that the senior officers understand that their Captain was not going to accept any mistakes from this moment forward. There was no time for mistakes.

Her voice softened as she took in the faces of her staff. "I realize this won't be easy. There will be dissention. Many of the crew will not understand our situation. You cannot expect them to. But you must be strong and maintain the upper hand. We have served together as one crew for seven years. We will return to Earth as such. I will settle for nothing less. We may have to brave the storm, but if it's necessary, we'll do it. We have faced the Borg, People, and we have faced Species 8472, the Kazon, the Vidiians, the Hirogen - and everyone else who has had conflict with us, for seven years. We will face the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet Command, and we will win our freedom. Anything less will be unacceptable. All of our people will go free." She realized her voice had remained strong and determined even though she was so very tired. Well, at least her stubbornness was good for some things . . .

"Any questions?" she asked the group softly.

"Captain," began B'Elanna, "do you really think it could get so bad they'd detain us longer than absolutely necessary - in view of how the media could perceive this? That could look bad for them, couldn't it?"

"Keep in mind, B'Elanna, we will not be allowed access to the press. Whatever the press is told, it will come directly from the same people who want to look best in the eyes of the news images. We do not know what story will be told."

"Captain, we're talking about Starfleet here!" Tom Paris exclaimed. "I thought Starfleet stood for all things good and pure. At least that's what I was always told . . ."

Kathryn sighed. She had tried her best to uphold all that Starfleet stood for all these years, and now it sounded as though she were making them out to be a cheating, brutal enemy.

"You need to understand, People. I am preparing us for the worst. You all know how a wild animal responds when cornered. All sense of dignity and culpability disappear when threatened with losing face and not all decisions made under those circumstances are necessarily the same decisions made in the best of times. Remember, negative press is the worst enemy Starfleet can have. The Admiralty will not be happy. We are one starship. Who are we to question their methods or to argue with them? They will hold me accountable - as well they should."

Harry Kim had been very quiet, but now he spoke. "Captain, are you saying that we will dock at DS12, or not?"

Captain Janeway smiled slightly at him. Harry was her prized pupil. He had grown so much in the past seven years, yet he would always have an innocence about him that would sometimes benefit him and sometimes prove to be his undoing. "I'm not sure, Harry. We'll have to see how the initial contact goes. I have plans, depending on what happens. We may need to move to neutral ground, near the Cardassian border. Commander Chakotay is aware of the area and knows the coordinates. Remember, many of our plans are dependent upon the political moods of the times. I have already discussed this in detail with Commander Chakotay and Commander Tuvok. You will all be informed of decisions on a need-to-know basis. There is too much work for each of you to do to be involved in circumstances that do not immediately concern you or your staff."

She paused once more. "I know this is not going to be easy, not for any one of us. Keep your posts ready, inform me of any changes in your stations, keep your crewmen as informed as needed in order for them to perform their duties, but give no more information than necessary. Again, this is to ensure that no one is overloaded with information they do not need to process. We all need to focus on our objectives."

"Also - get some rest. And ensure that your crew gets rest. We all need to function at our peak levels. This will be most important as the situation escalates. Thirty-six hours from now, I want every one of us to be as well rested as possible when we face that wormhole.

If any of you, or any of your crew, has difficulty sleeping, go immediately to Sickbay and ask the Doctor for a sleeping aid.

That's an order. We are not in a position to be patient and wait for sleep to come to us. We only have 36 hours. So, talk to your people and get some rest. We will meet here again at 2000 hours. I realize this is an odd time for a staff meeting, but I promise to make it brief. The purpose will be literally to see how the crew is holding up and to address any other concerns that may arise between now and then. Chalk it up to a nervous Captain who has to know everything that's going on."

The last comment brought slow smiles around the table. No one thought of Captain Janeway as a nervous type, certainly. And, yes, she always wanted to know what was going on with the ship and her crew. It only made sense that as their time in the Delta Quadrant drew to a close, she would want to know the mood of the crew and the condition of the ship. They also wondered among themselves whether or not she would go to the Doctor for a sleeping aid for herself, if necessary. The Captain was known for her sleeplessness and if they were all feeling this edgy, how was she doing?

"All right, then. We'll meet again at 2000 hours. Dismissed."

Everyone rose from the table and began filing out the rear doors.

The Captain remained seated. "Chakotay, Tuvok." Both Commanders waited until the rest of the crew had departed, then sat back down on either side of her, as was their custom. The three sat in silence until the Captain was ready to talk.

Finally, she said, "Anything?"

Commander Chakotay sighed. "I think you got your points across. There's no doubt who will be in charge after we cross through the wormhole."

"How did the senior staff react to my scenario? You were both gauging the mood of the crew throughout the meeting. I was too busy trying to address the issues without scaring the hell out of everyone in the room." She allowed herself to sit back more comfortably in her chair. She would only allow herself this luxury in front of her two most trusted senior officers.

"I believe you were successful in your endeavor to alert the crew to what lies ahead of us, Captain," said Tuvok. "I also believe you successfully scared the hell out of them."

Both Janeway and Chakotay smiled at that. It was so unlike Tuvok to say the word "hell," even when repeating it.

"I also believe no one will underestimate the purpose of this meeting," added Chakotay. "Their true feelings will be even more evident at our next meeting at 2000 hours. They will have had more time to sort through the things you've said, and to have spoken with their staffs. But, keep in mind, they realize your fight is for their cause, their freedoms. I don't think any crewman will take that lightly. Appreciate your tactics or not, there are 142 members of this crew who have stood behind you and your decisions for seven years."

Kathryn sighed heavily and put her head back against the headrest on her chair.

"Captain, why don't you take your own advice and get some rest?" asked Chakotay gently.

"Because I have so much to do," she replied. "I wouldn't be able to rest right now if I tried." She stood, folded her arms across her chest, crossed to the viewport behind her and looked at the fleeting star fields outside the window.

After a moment, Kathryn turned back to Chakotay and Tuvok. "I need both of you to keep your eyes and ears tuned in to the mood of the crew, and particularly the rest of the senior staff. We need to be sure none of our shipwide preparations are encumbered by any sort of ill will or reservations this crew may suffer." She crossed back to her chair and stood behind it, resting her arm on the headrest.

"And I meant what I said before, if anyone needs to blame someone for something - anything - allow them to blame me. Just don't allow those feelings to detract from their duties. Understood?"

Both officers nodded their understanding.

"Good. And report anything back to me that you feel I need to know about." She lowered her voice and spoke in softer, more measured tones. She wanted them to know she appreciated them both, but there were certain things she would not tolerate from this point forward. "I know that from time to time, the two of you have tried to 'protect' me from things you don't think I need to be concerned about - but none of that now, do you understand me? I want to know everything from here on out. I need to know what's going on. Understood?"

Again, both officers nodded.

"Good." She sighed. "Dismissed."

Both Tuvok and Chakotay stood and exited the Ready Room, leaving the Captain alone with her thoughts.

At 2000 hours, the senior staff met with their Captain in her Ready Room. The meeting lasted precisely 27 minutes. The senior staff had informed their staffs about the imminent dangers and security protocols that Voyager could face soon if they arrived safely back in the Alpha Quadrant. They had also shared with them a bit of information regarding what Captain Janeway would be negotiating upon their return. When the Captain asked about shipboard morale, the consensus was that it was just too early to tell. Most of the crew was still tired, but happy, about the prospect of returning home.

The facts of the matter did not seem to bother them, but it was generally agreed that the facts simply had not yet hit home, so to speak. The Captain again urged her senior staff to get some nourishment, then rest. She would try to do the same. They would meet again in the morning at 0700 hours.

Captain Janeway again asked her two most senior officers to stay behind. They did so, informing her that nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She was exhausted, she knew, and found it extremely difficult to focus on anything they said for any length of time.

After twenty minutes with Commanders Chakotay and Tuvok, she dismissed them, telling them she was going to retire to her quarters to try to get some of that much-needed rest herself, and that they should do the same.

Fifteen minutes later, she was able to escape to her quarters. There was something important that she had to do now. It was time.

Upon entering her quarters, Kathryn went to the replicator and ordered a cup of hot, black coffee, strong. She needed it. After taking several sips of the hot liquid, she felt her resolve begin to return. She sighed heavily and sat before the computer on her desk.

She had so much work to do, but now wasn't the time for usual ship business. She had to take care of another, more urgent, matter.

"Computer, prepare for encrypted message - for Starfleet Command only, to be accessed by security codes known only by the joint Admiral staff. If this message is not relayed within 96 hours, delete it from the database. No other authorizations apply, including Voyager's head of security encryption codes and the First Officer's authorized overrides. Captain's security code Janeway Gamma 2,3,0. Begin encryption sequences."

"Acknowledged," confirmed the Computer, as it began to assimilate the encryption codes.

Kathryn knew this would take a few minutes, so she entered her sleeping area and looked into the mirror over her nightstand. Tired - she looked as tired as she felt. She put down her coffee cup and splashed water on her face. She applied a bit of makeup and a lighter shade of lipstick that made her look a bit more refreshed.

Well, she felt better at any rate. She took a deep breath, picked up her coffee cup and went back into her living area. She sat on the sofa under the viewport and looked out at the stars. Would she miss the Delta Quadrant's star systems? She didn't think so. Who could know for sure?

Leaning back against the sofa, Kathryn went over the message in her head. She'd worked on it, planned it, for over six years. She'd had to store it in her memory; she couldn't take the chance of having it anywhere in ship's records, and risk having either Tuvok or Chakotay discover it by accident. Or, worse, if something had happened to her and they found the encoded message later, they would think she had kept something from them. And if they did find a way to decode it - perhaps with Seven's assistance - she would not be here to explain her intentions.

"Encoding sequences ready," stated the computer's voice.

Forcing herself to think about how important this was, the Captain made her way to her desk. She closed her eyes and forced herself to locate her center, to steady her heart and her mind, the way Chakotay had taught her. She didn't practice this often, and it took her much longer than someone with more patience and experience.

When she was ready, she faced the small viewscreen in front of her.

Kathryn put on her best Captain's face. "Computer, begin," she stated.

She heard the bleep, then began her message:

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the U.S.S. Federation Starship, Voyager. If the Federation Admiralty is viewing this now, then we have made it home to the Alpha Quadrant. Today's stardate is 65242.3 and it has taken us nearly seven years to return home, since Voyager and the Maquis ship, commanded by Captain Chakotay, became stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

You may be wondering what purpose I have in encrypting a personal message to the Admiralty, since - as I've stated - we are most likely home now. My intent will soon be understood.

Seven years ago, I made a Command decision to destroy the Caretaker's array in order to save a race called the Ocampa. This decision resulted in Voyager's being stranded in the Delta Quadrant with no quick way home.

Captain Chakotay's ship was destroyed, both of our crews had suffered many casualties, and he and I merged our two crews into one for a journey home that might well take 70,000 light years. All of this is recorded in the ship's logs.

For seven years now, I have done my best to adhere to the principles and rules of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet Command, as those rules existed when we left home seven years ago. There have been occasions when those principles have led us safely through our difficult times, and there have been times I've had to improvise another way.

While I did everything within my power not to become involved in the political climates of other species, I did authorize my crewmembers to act upon their . . . humanity . . . from time to time. For example, there have been incidents when I could not allow other peoples to die senselessly, if we could help them to live. You may consider this a violation of the Prime Directive; I do not. As each of you must be guided by your conscience, I was guided by mine.

I have often sought the advice or suggestions of my crewmembers; we were many times faced with new challenges and new situations. We have met many new species -- some were friendly, most were not. You will find within the ship's log entries that on certain occasions I have had to - compromise - the Prime Directive, as well as several other Starfleet protocols, in order to do what I considered to be the proper course of action at the time.

No matter what the outcome, any and all Command decisions made aboard Voyager these past years have been mine, and mine alone. I've made those decisions with a clear mind, though not always with a clear conscience.

I say this to you now because I have . . . certain crewmembers who stand by their Captain, no matter how strong - or how weak - they think her decisions may be.

It would not be unlike them to try to convince you that they took part in the decision-making processes. As I've stated here, I may have sought their advice, but all decisions have been mine.

As all of you know, there are times when a Commanding Officer must stand alone, and this is one of those times.

Thank you.

End transmission."

The bleep of the computer added a finality to Kathryn's message.

She sat back in her chair and contemplated her message. She had said all that she had intended to say in this format. She knew that both Tuvok and Chakotay would not appreciate the fact that she had done this, but it was her choice to make. Her decision. The time had come for her to gently pull away from her staff and stand alone.

Some responsibilities could not be shared.

Kathryn crossed again to the replicator and ordered another cup of coffee. She was sure she wasn't the only member of the crew who was using replicator rations frivolously, and hoping they wouldn't have to worry about it much longer. Besides, she needed this coffee. There was so much work to do and so little time to prepare.

As she sat again at her desk, the door chimes sounded. Who could that be? As she had crossed the Bridge on the way to her quarters, she had been sure to announce rather loudly that she was going to get some rest. She hadn't wanted to be disturbed while she was recording her message to Starfleet Command.

"Come."

Chakotay stepped into her quarters and crossed to the front of her desk. He brought a red rose out from behind his back and held it out for her. She smiled and leaned forward to take it from his hand.

"What could I have done to deserve this?" she teased.

"It's just a reminder to keep things in perspective. Not everything is black and white. Some things are red." He smiled that smile that showed his dimples and made his eyes twinkle. She loved that smile, the way he made her feel when he turned to her with that look on his face. It was that special smile that she knew was reserved just for her. With one look he could make her feel more like a woman and less like a Captain than anyone else had ever been able to do. Sometimes, like now, it made her uncomfortable.

She looked away from him and motioned for him to sit down. He did, and she stood and crossed to the replicator. "Coffee or tea?" she asked.

"Tea, please," he replied.

"Computer, one cup of Vulcan spice tea, hot." The computer chirped and she took the cup of tea to Chakotay. He had come to love the Vulcan blend almost as much as she did. She saw that he had noticed the cup of coffee on her desk, but he didn't say anything. He knew that she wouldn't be sleeping much tonight, and he was prudent about his reprisals of her at times like these. Times like these? So far, there hadn't been many times like these, that was for sure.

"Any additional news about how the crew is handling the fact that their homecomings may be postponed?" she asked. Not that she cared as much as she normally would have. Right now her complete focus was on the task in front of her - reasoning with Starfleet Command, a daunting, if not impossible, task.

"As you suspected earlier today, a few of the crewmembers are not happy about it, but I think most of the crew aren't surprised. No one really thought in their hearts that we'd be able to just land the ship, fall into the arms of loved ones and go home." She smiled at Chakotay's description. No one could quite put things into perspective as well as her First Officer.

"Kathryn," Chakotay began softly.

"Yes?" 'Here it comes,' she thought. The reason he'd come to her quarters.

"I know that right now you're feeling alone. But I want to remind you of what I told you once a long time ago. You are not alone, Kathryn; you are never alone as long as I'm alive. I am beside you even during those times you cannot see me. I want you to remember that in the days ahead."

She couldn't lie to him, but she also had to let him know how much she appreciated him. "Chakotay, I do understand what you're saying to me. Truly I do. And I appreciate the fact that you are always by my side. I know that I can depend on you to be there for me. I've known it for a long time, even before you told me, and before we faced the Borg together. Sometimes I can lose sight of it, I'll admit. But you and I have a - special - relationship that has helped to keep me strong all these years." She reached across the desk and entwined the fingers of her left hand with the fingers of his right. This was a special gesture they shared from time to time, a reminder of the time they had spent together on planet New Earth.

"I don't know that I could have survived these past seven years without you."

"You would have, Kathryn. That's who you are. You are the strongest person I've ever known, and the most stubborn, sometimes to the point of losing focus." He unconsciously rubbed her thumb with his. "Tuvok once told me your stubbornness is not only your strongest asset as a leader, but also your greatest weakness. He was right."

She smiled, gently pulled her hand away from his, and once again sat back in her chair. "Leave it to a Vulcan to say that." She knew Tuvok felt that way. It sometimes amazed her that she and Tuvok had become so close over the years. She was nearly as emotional at times as he was unemotional.

Chakotay had to smile. He had intended to say something to stop her in her tracks, to make her think. He should have known it would take a lot more than that to affect Kathryn Janeway. He'd have to try a different tact.

"Kathryn . . ."

"It's okay, Chakotay. I know what you're trying to do. I'm fine. I'm just tired. In fact, I made certain to let everyone - especially you - know that I was going to my quarters to get some rest. What made you think I'd still be awake?"

"I know you, Kathryn Janeway," he smiled. "Whether you admit it or not, I know you very well. And not only did I expect to find you awake, you're probably on your second cup of coffee as well. You're thinking of all the work that needs to be done before we make first contact with Starfleet 36 hours from now."

"Show off," she smiled at him. Chakotay loved the sound of her voice. When it was just the two of them, her voice was soft and silky, not the 'command' voice she used when others were present.

And when she was especially tired, as she was now, her voice sounded even huskier, sexier. This was the voice he told himself she reserved only for him. Maybe he was kidding himself, but sometimes it made the days, and nights, pass more easily.

Chakotay again wondered, as he had so many times in these past days, whether there would be time for the two of them after the Starfleet interrogations were over - and if the Maquis were given immunity for their past actions. He didn't know if he dared hope that his Maquis crew would be allowed to go free, but if anyone could arrange it, Kathryn Janeway could.

"Kathryn," he began softly, "I may not get an opportunity to say this later, so I need to say it now." Kathryn looked at him, knowing that whatever it was he needed to tell her was important to him. She may not be in the mood to hear it, but she owed it to him to listen.

She nodded.

"I want to thank you for sharing your Federation vessel with my wayward Maquis crew for seven years now, for believing in them, for trusting them, for treating them like your own. And now, for fighting the institution you respect most, in their Honor. As much as I've grown to respect you, I respect you more today than you can ever imagine. There aren't many people, human or otherwise, who would put everything on the line for a handful of rebels, the way you plan to do now."

"Chakotay . . . ," she whispered.

"No, don't say anything. I just wanted to tell you. Okay?"

Kathryn nodded almost imperceptibly and lowered her eyes to the coffee cup that was now in her hand. The lump in her throat prevented her from speaking anyhow.

Chakotay turned the conversation in another direction. "I know you are going to put in a word for Tom Paris as well. Tom and I have had our disagreements, but he doesn't deserve to go back to prison." He paused a moment, then continued. "Then there's you."

"Me?" His statement brought her back to the present quickly.

"Starfleet Command may well decide to bring charges of court- martial against you, you know. If they decide to play dirty, they can easily find any number of incidents to give them reason - any slight variance to Starfleet protocol, something they decide violates the Prime Directive . . ."

"Chakotay, that is the least of my worries. I don't have time to be concerned about that just now." Kathryn stood and began to slowly pace the room. No matter that he was speaking casually, this was a deliberate conversation on Chakotay's part, Kathryn knew.

"Kathryn, I'm not bringing this up because it's unpleasant; I'm reminding you that the Maquis and Tom Paris aren't the only causes you need to address with the Federation and Starfleet Command when dictating terms to them before we dock Voyager - if we dock Voyager." Chakotay stood and crossed toward Kathryn, wanting her to listen. She suddenly seemed uncomfortable. "Kathryn. Look at me." He stood in her path and took her by the shoulders to face him. "You must also ask for complete immunity for any and all actions and decisions made aboard Voyager for the past seven years."

"Chakotay . . ."

"Listen to me, Kathryn. Think about it for just a moment. Remember when we sought to form an alliance with the Kazon? We involved ourselves in their political issues. On more than one occasion, we sought passage through a part of space controlled by less technological races in order to shorten months, or years, from our journey home. We rescued telepaths from a freighter and gave them safe passage to a wormhole, even when it was in direct conflict with the laws of that region of space. We returned to the Borg after our initial conflict with them was over . . . . Need I continue?"

"No."

"At best we've stretched the interpretation of the Prime Directive to the limit. And I'm afraid Starfleet Command may see it as much more than that. They may decide to form a Board of Inquiry to assess each situation and decide if a Grand Court-martial is in order. And I want you to know, Kathryn, that if that should happen, I will not let you stand alone before that Board."

"Chakotay, I am the Captain of this vessel. You cannot change that now."

"I'm not changing anything. But I won't allow you to be judged alone for things I helped you to accomplish."

"Every decision that was made aboard this ship has been mine."

"Kathryn, I will not . . . ."

Kathryn knew this discussion would go nowhere, yet Chakotay would not let it go until he felt he had gained an advantage. She placed her right hand on his chest in order to silence him.

"Chakotay, please. I just can't continue this discussion right now. Let's sit for awhile, all right? I need to stop thinking for a few minutes and just unwind."

Chakotay sighed, realizing he was probably pushing her too hard.

"All right." He removed his hands from her shoulders gently. "But do you understand what I am saying?"

Kathryn glanced up at him, "I understand," she said quickly. She walked over to the couch and sat, placed her cup on the coffee table, then motioned for him to join her. He smiled slightly, in spite of himself. How did she do that to him so easily? After he was seated next to her, she relaxed beside him. "Now, tell me. What thoughts have been going through your mind most these past couple of days? The Maquis situation? The question: Is this really true? The concern: Will we really make it home in a matter of a few hours from now? What?"

"That's a question I'm not prepared to answer; I've been too busy to think about it."

"Try," she smiled at him.

"Mostly, I suppose I've been anxious that this doesn't turn out to be a huge disappointment for the crew if something goes wrong and we don't make it home just yet."

"The crew? I know that the disappointment on this ship will be huge if we don't make it home." She paused, deep in thought.

Then, "But what about you?" she asked softly. "How disappointed will you be?"

Chakotay paused. "I will be disappointed. But not nearly as disappointed as most of our people."

"Really? Why not?" she asked, puzzled.

"Because, truth be known, I don't have anything in the Alpha Quadrant that I care about more than what I have on this ship, and if this ship is in the Delta Quadrant, then that's where my heart is." He paused, looking at his hands. He knew he'd said more than he had intended to, but there was nothing he could do about it now. It was all too obvious what he meant.

Kathryn was silent after Chakotay had said his piece. Of course she knew what he'd meant by those words. She could see, too, that he had said more than he'd meant to and that he was waiting anxiously for her reaction. She looked at him sitting next to her for a long moment, then reached her right hand out and touched his left hand. Chakotay turned his hand over and took hers gently. Kathryn lay her head back against the sofa behind her, closed her eyes and thought about what a lovely moment this was. She thought about his words, and enjoyed the feeling of his hand holding hers. Would he still feel this way after she'd said her peace to Starfleet Command? After she faced charges of court-martial, perhaps served time for those charges? They sat this way for a long while, each thinking his or her own thoughts.

Suddenly, Kathryn opened her eyes, then sat up slowly. She couldn't allow herself to enjoy this moment any longer. She would savor the feel of it later, maybe for years to come, but no more for now. She could feel Chakotay's eyes on her, and she met his eyes with hers. "Thank you for that quiet time just now. I needed it." She smiled and took her hand from his. She took her coffee cup, stood and walked across the room to her desk. Chakotay followed her, wondering what she had been thinking that had changed her mood so suddenly.

Kathryn looked up as Chakotay crossed to her. "Can I get you another cup of tea? I'm afraid that one is cold now."

Chakotay knew that she was trying desperately to turn the mood back to everyday things. Next she would suggest going over crew reports. "Kathryn, stop a moment. Please." Chakotay stood beside her and forced her to look into his eyes. "Before you continue, before we move away from this moment, I want you to know that when all this is over . . ."

"Chakotay, please. Let's take things one day at a time right now, okay?" She just couldn't face where this conversation was headed.

Not now.

Chakotay sighed. He looked into her eyes and saw the turmoil. He didn't want to add to the pressures she was already feeling about the journey ahead. "I understand." He knew all too well that she was uncomfortable any time he attempted to discuss their having a future together. "But I want to remind you that I don't give up easily. I haven't waited all these years just to let you get away from me once we're home. Understand?"

Kathryn smiled at him. He certainly was persistent. She was glad for that. But the thought returned - would he still feel that way if she were court-martialed and he had to wait several years for her to serve a prison sentence? Everyone has a limit as to how long they are willing to wait for . . . what? Had they shared enough together that he would want to wait much longer? Their hands had touched fleetingly over the years, their eyes had locked on many occasions.

They had spent three months stranded alone on a strange planet together. If that happened to them today, she knew that she wouldn't be strong enough to keep a distance between them as she had then, nor would she want to . . . She had silently given her heart to this man, and perhaps someday she could tell him. Suddenly, she felt tears threaten to sting her eyelids and she turned away quickly.

Chakotay felt the sudden change in her demeanor. He first saw the beautiful smile she had given him, then her face had clouded over and her mood had quickly changed. "Kathryn? What is it?" he asked gently.

"I'm just tired," she said simply. "Too tired for where this conversation is headed."

He moved close to her and gently encircled her waist with his hands, encouraging her to lean against him. She wouldn't always allow this, but he was hoping she wouldn't reject him just now. She didn't. He felt her tense at first, but then she relaxed and leaned back against his chest.

She needed Chakotay so much right now. She just wanted to melt into him for a little while, just be next to him and let him hold her.

But she couldn't allow herself to even think about that right now.

She would be using him and she could never allow that to happen.

She cared about him too much for that. In fact, she cared about him more than he may ever know.

That thought brought her up with a start. She gently pulled away from Chakotay and turned to him. "Thank you for being here for me. But I really need to lie down and try to sleep. We have so much ahead of us in the next several hours and I know that I'm far too tired right now to negotiate our way out of a paper bag. I have to rest."

"I understand," he said. "I'll leave you alone. Let me know if you need anything." She nodded, then walked with him toward the door.

Suddenly, Kathryn stopped beside him and touched his cheek briefly. "I meant it when I said I don't know what I'd do without you," she said. And she had meant it then, before they had faced the Borg that first time, and she meant it now as well. As she looked into his eyes, she knew without a doubt that he was the only man she would ever need. And if there was any way possible, she didn't want to lose him before she had him. "Promise me something," she whispered softly.

"Anything," he said, just as softly, seeing an intensity in Kathryn's eyes he'd never seen before.

"After we get home . . . and when it's all over . . . if you still feel we'd be good together . . ." her voice trailed off.

"Yes?" Chakotay prompted.

Kathryn swallowed hard. "If that time comes, be persistent. You know how stubborn I can be." She smiled sadly at him, and her eyes were moist with tears.

He took her hand from his face and held it for a moment. He smiled just as sadly, "More than anyone." Then he kissed her hand gently and left quickly. He didn't trust himself to stay one moment longer.

After the door slid shut behind Chakotay, Kathryn took several deep breaths. She simply couldn't indulge in a good cry just now.

A moment later she felt better, but remembering how Chakotay had held her hand and kissed it gently, she felt an old familiar burning knot in her stomach and lower abdomen. She sighed. If they ever got the chance to make love, she didn't think she could stand it.

Just the thought of it made her heart race and her . . . stop it! She couldn't do this now! What was she thinking? That's the point, she told herself. She wasn't thinking. Just for a little while she wished she could take the time to feel, not think.

Putting both cups in the replicator, she crossed to her couch, took the blanket from the back and draped it over herself. She lay her head back on the arm of the couch and let out a deep sigh.

"Computer, dim lights 75 percent," she said. As the lights dimmed, she glanced over at the red rose she had managed to put into a bud vase earlier. Perspective. Chakotay had said the rose was to remind her to keep things in perspective. And one of the things she told herself she had to keep in perspective was her relationship with Chakotay. Now more than ever before, she had to concentrate on being his commanding officer, not his friend, or anything more than that. She had to stand alone. It felt strange to her; she had come to depend on Chakotay so much in these past few years.

And what would he have said if he'd known about the message she had encrypted to Starfleet Headquarters only moments before he'd arrived at her door this evening? She closed her eyes and tried to put that thought out of her mind. She knew he would be upset with her, and she didn't have the time and energy to waste in thinking about how Chakotay would feel about things she knew she had to do. Some things were her sole responsibility, her duty, as Captain of this vessel.

She was so exhausted that the coffee didn't quite do its usual job, and she fell into a deep sleep.

Kathryn awoke with a start at 0530 hours. She felt chilly; the blanket had fallen onto the floor during the night. She quickly sat up on the couch and pulled the blanket up from the floor, draping it around her body. She brought her knees up and leaned her chin onto them. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked slowly. She hadn't done this in years; she hadn't felt this lonely in years.

After a few minutes, Kathryn stood from the couch. "Computer, illuminate to 100 percent." The computer obliged and she crossed to the replicator. "Computer, coffee -- black, hot and strong," she stated in her Captain's voice. After the cup of coffee appeared, she held it in both hands and crossed to her desk. The first cup of coffee in the morning was always the best. It warmed her first, then got her brainwaves moving. She always tried to sit and enjoy it without having to do anything else at the same time, but she often failed. She smiled to herself. The Doctor disagreed with her about the cause and effects of coffee, of course.

"The Doctor . . ." she heard herself say aloud, to herself. When they arrived home, she would find a way to negotiate a future for their Doctor, too. She knew that he was worried about what would happen to him once they returned to Starfleet Headquarters. By now, there were certainly other EMH programs that were programmed with a more complex database of medical knowledge than the Doctor had been programmed with seven years ago. But there was one thing the Voyager's doctor had that no other EMH had, and that was first hand knowledge of Delta Quadrant species and their physiology. She felt quite certain she could convince Starfleet to view the Doctor as a pioneer in his field. If they did not want to upgrade his program, perhaps he could teach at Starfleet Academy. She smiled again. He would love to teach at the Academy! Nothing could be more fitting for the Doctor than to have a lecture hall full of students, absorbed in his every word and description, taking notes and studying for his examinations. All that would be required would be a lecture hall equipped with holoemitters. Many people would question whether the Doctor would be an effective teacher, but Kathryn Janeway knew there would be few teachers who would savor the job as much as he.

And he had been a wonderful and devoted teacher to Kes.

"Kes . . ." she whispered aloud, and felt the tears sting her eyes.

Sometimes the memory of Kes came to her mind so abruptly, she nearly doubled over with the pain of her loss. Kes had been so special to Kathryn. She had been just a child, yet also a lovely young woman who had brought such love and encouragement to everyone she met. She had lived fully for each day, and yes, sometimes Kathryn wondered if her affection for the girl was made even stronger because Kes reminded her of a daughter she might never have. Kathryn closed her eyes and tried to focus her thoughts on the day ahead. So very much to do . . . and she didn't need to start the day with such an emotional beginning.

"Chakotay to Janeway," came the voice over her comm badge. She raised her head, happy to hear Chakotay's familiar voice.

"Janeway here," she replied.

"Captain, sorry to bother you so early, but we are detecting a hail from the other side of the wormhole. It's faint and we can't acknowledge it yet, but we're working on it."

"I'm on my way," she said. As the communication ended, she drained her cup of coffee and started for her bathroom. Time for a 5-minute sonic shower and a change into a fresh uniform. She didn't think Harry and Chakotay would get that communication channel open within the next 15 minutes. And if they did, they'd be better off responding to that hail themselves than to want their Captain to respond as she currently felt without a shower.

Precisely 15 minutes later, Captain Kathryn Janeway stepped onto the Bridge of her starship. As the turbolift doors swooshed closed behind her, she walked purposefully toward her Captain's chair as she called "Report!" over her right shoulder.

"We are still trying to acknowledge the communication channel we detected on the other side of the wormhole, Captain. We have ascertained that it is a Starfleet vessel, but nothing else thus far," Tuvok spoke in his usual crisp tone.

"How were you able to determine that?" she asked.

"The rotating frequencies match those used by the Federation," he replied simply. 'Some things never change,' she thought.

Captain Janeway took a deep breath as she sat down. This was the moment they had all waited years for - and sometimes it seemed, a lifetime for. And everything depended upon her to see them safely home. Not just to the Alpha Quadrant anymore, but home - safe, free.

Chakotay came forward, crossed to his command chair and sat. He looked at Kathryn. She stared straight ahead, focusing her thoughts on their imminent situation, he knew.

"Kathryn," he said softly, as he leaned toward her.

"Not now, Chakotay," she said gently. "I really need to concentrate just now."

"I know. Just remember: black, white - and red," he replied. Then he turned back toward his monitor, but not before he caught the slight smile tug at the corner of Kathryn's mouth.

"Captain," Tuvok's voice came suddenly through the quiet.

"What is it?" Kathryn kept her voice calm and steady. She had to maintain control no matter how much her nerves bade her otherwise.

"We are being hailed." Tuvok paused slightly. "By a Federation vessel."

"On screen," replied Captain Janeway steadily.

Immediately, there appeared a blurry figure surrounded by a blurry background and some sort of furniture, and most importantly, a blurry Starfleet insignia on the wall behind him. A faint voice was heard, then the man halted. Evidently he realized he was not getting through to Voyager. He turned slightly to his right and began to speak to someone off screen.

"Mr. Kim, see what you can do to clear up the transmission," Janeway said steadily, but firmly. Even though the image was distorted, she recognized the face on the screen and wondered if Tom Paris did also.

"Yes, Sir," replied Harry Kim. He was already working frantically to do just that.

Just then the screen became clear and the face of Admiral Owen Paris appeared larger than life before the Bridge crew. The entire crew stopped what they were doing, suddenly completely aware of what this meant. Kathryn stood slowly. She needed to stand out of respect for her superior officer, but she also had to do it slowly in order to keep her knees from buckling underneath her. She took a step forward and smiled tentatively.

Admiral Paris almost smiled, and the creases in his forehead became more relaxed. "This is Admiral Owen Paris from Starfleet Headquarters on the planet Earth," he said in his most formal tone. "Greetings from the Alpha Quadrant, Captain Janeway." This was said in a more relaxed tone, and he again nearly smiled.

"Thank you, Admiral," said Captain Janeway in her best Starfleet manner. She smiled slightly. "You have no idea just how good it is to see you again."

"I don't often hear those kind words, Captain. I must assume that you are anxious to return home." Again, there appeared the hint of a smile.

"You assume correctly, Admiral. It has been a long journey."

"I can well imagine, Captain." He paused. "Much has happened since your ship was lost seven years ago, Kathryn. We are much more advanced in our technology, but not so much so that we have achieved access to the Delta Quadrant. I'm afraid there have been more . . . pressing matters to attend to. I seem to be one of the few who believe Delta Quadrant access should be considered a priority."

Admiral Paris glanced down a moment, as though he did not want the Voyager crew to see the dark shadow that moved quickly across his eyes. "However, we believe that we can successfully work with you now to bring the Voyager safely back to the Alpha Quadrant. As we speak, we have several crews working on the data we are receiving from your telecommunications signal.

It will take us several hours to decode the transmissions and interface them with our current technology. We will then give you instructions for preparation to be brought through the wormhole.

Do you understand?"

Kathryn nodded. "Yes, Admiral."

"Good," he said matter-of-factly. "In the meantime, have your best crewmembers stand by to successfully bring Voyager through that wormhole, and home."

"They are already standing by, Admiral," said Captain Janeway softly.

The Admiral paused a moment, then said softly, "Kathryn, my son . . ."

"Yes, Admiral." Kathryn interjected gently, "Lieutenant Paris is right here on the Bridge."

"Lieutenant . . . ?" The Admiral began.

"Yes, I granted him a field commission seven years ago when we first became lost in the Delta Quadrant. He is my helmsman, Admiral, an integral part of my senior staff and one of my most responsible and trusted crewmen." She walked slowly toward Tom Paris, who seemed frozen by his computer terminal.

"May I greet him, Captain?" asked the Admiral. Kathryn knew he was following by-the-book Starfleet protocol, by asking the Captain of the vessel for permission to speak with one of her crewmen.

"Permission granted, Admiral," Janeway slightly nodded her head in difference, and Admiral Paris turned slightly to acknowledge his son.

"Hello, Son," he said in a formal tone.

"Hello, Sir," replied Tom, in a smaller voice than was his usual tone.

"I see you've made something of yourself, finally. I know Kathryn Janeway well and she would never have made you her helmsman unless she felt she could depend upon you in a time of crisis."

"Yes, Sir," replied Tom.

"Good. I intend to go over your record in detail with Captain Janeway upon your return to the Alpha Quadrant and . . ."

"And we'll have plenty of time for that, Admiral," interjected Janeway quickly. Didn't that man see that Tom was extremely uneasy, and that this was not the time to publicly humiliate him?

Admiral Paris turned back towards Kathryn Janeway and brought himself up to full Starfleet attention. Kathryn also brought herself up to a full, erect stance.

"I will contact you again in fours hours' time, Captain, with instructions for entering the wormhole. In the meantime, maintain full stop and wait for my signal."

"Aye, Admiral," replied Janeway.

" . . . And Captain . . . ?" he replied more gently than before. "It's good to see you, too. Congratulations on getting your crew home."

"Thank you, Admiral, but we're not home yet."

Admiral Paris actually laughed at that. "Always the scientist, the non-believer of gods and miracles."

"You might be surprised at some of the things I believe in these days, Admiral," she replied softly, with a gentle smile.

"Perhaps, Kathryn, perhaps. We shall catch up with one another soon, and perhaps you will surprise me." He suddenly seemed older, and tired. "Welcome home, Captain." And with that, Admiral Paris ended the transmission.

For a full minute, the entire Bridge crew was silent, mulling over the significance of what had just occurred.

Finally, Kathryn turned and looked across the Bridge at her First Officer who was still sitting in his command chair. He looked up and they locked eyes. "Now the games begin," she said simply.

Kathryn Janeway sat quietly behind her desk in her office. She was drinking yet another cup of coffee, and awaiting word from the Bridge that Starfleet was contacting them again. It would soon be four hours since the transmission from Admiral Paris. The door chime sounded.

"Come," she said.

Chakotay entered and stood in front of Kathryn's desk, waiting for her to speak first. She gestured for Chakotay to sit, which he did.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"No, thank you. Were you able to get any rest?"

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, opened her mouth to speak, then closed her mouth again. "I was going to tell you that I did, but I can't lie to you, you know."

Chakotay smiled. "I know. When you try, it's so obvious that it's a lie . . ."

"All right, enough already. I did lie on the couch for almost an hour. But I couldn't get comfortable and I couldn't stop thinking.

Finally, I got up and had a cup of coffee. And that's the truth." She hated the fact that he always cornered her on the little things.

"I see. And this is how many coffee's later?" he asked.

"Only one. I've been rationing myself." She smiled. "Gods, I hate it when you question me like this!"

"I have to do it, Captain," Chakotay said, with a twinkle in his eye. "I need to know the answers to these questions if I'm asked by a member of the senior staff how our Captain is feeling. Also, the doctor expects me to be aware of your physical condition, and . . . other crewmen have a right to know the answers as well . . . ."

"That's a lousy excuse, Commander," she smiled.

"Yes, but you are the only Captain we have and we need to take care of you and see that you try to take care of yourself. A Starship Captain has very little privacy."

She had to give it to him for trying. "Well, that will all be over soon. I want my life back to myself," she stated simply.

"And what makes you think it's that easy to get it back?" he asked.

Kathryn looked at him; he'd gotten the upper hand on this one. She didn't know where he was going with this.

"What do you mean?" she ventured.

"Maybe I'll still manage to be around to ask all those questions months from now." He had a slight smile on his lips and his eyes had a mischievous gleam in them.

"Chakotay . . ." she began.

"I know. Not now. But imagine, if you will, a certain Commander following you around the Starfleet campus asking you if you've had too much coffee, if you've eaten three square meals today . . ."

Kathryn laughed. "Well, I don't think I'll have to worry very much about that, Commander."

It was Chakotay's turn to look upended. "Why not?"

She leaned conspiratorially over her desk toward him. "Because I know the Starfleet campus backward and forward, upside down and inside out. I know all the hiding places, and I also know that you do not. You will spend your time looking for me, but never finding me. And I might even be closer to you than you think, but you'll never know."

"Sounds mysterious. You really know the campus that well?"

"Believe it." Kathryn stood and took her empty coffee cup to the recycler. "I spent so much time there my parents were always trying to remember whether they had one daughter or two."

Chakotay laughed. "I don't believe that one for a minute, Kathryn Janeway. I know your parents would never have forgotten about you! Just as I don't believe anyone who's ever met you could easily forget you."

Kathryn returned to her chair, then looked up at Chakotay. Her smile was replaced with a look he didn't often see on her face.

They locked eyes for a brief moment, but it was long enough for Chakotay to see that look of - longing. There was no other way to describe it. It was loneliness, the type that permeates one's soul - and longing. He wanted so much to take her in his arms and just hold her. He could help make her burdens even lighter than she had ever allowed him to before, if she would only let him in. But she hadn't let him that close to her in these seven years. Now that things were going to change, maybe that would change too. He could only hope, and dream. And tell his heart to wait a little while longer.

"Commander . . ." she began in that low silky voice, but was cut off by Tuvok's voice coming over her comm badge.

"Captain," Tuvok said, "we are being hailed by Starfleet Command."

"We're on our way!" she replied, as she and Chakotay stood together. "Looks like it's show time, Commander." She crossed around the desk and toward the door to the Bridge. Chakotay waited until she had crossed in front of him, then followed closely behind her.

Once she and Commander Chakotay were in place on the Bridge, Captain Janeway nodded toward Harry Kim, then turned toward the view screen. "On screen," she instructed.

This time Admiral Paris's face appeared immediately before them, with no interference from the signal.

"Admiral," Captain Janeway greeted him.

"Captain." Admiral Paris seemed more relaxed than he had during their earlier transmission. Janeway guessed that he had had an opportunity to accept the fact that his son was truly alive after all these years. Just hearing about it was one thing, but seeing his son's face must have been quite another, she knew.

"Captain, we have determined the most appropriate way for Voyager to return to the Alpha Quadrant. As you may have ascertained on your own, the wormhole is extremely unstable. Our investigations show the instability to be worsened on your end, so your entrance must be taken with extreme care." Captain Janeway nodded her understanding. "I am sending the appropriate coordinates to your helmsman now."

Admiral Paris began punching buttons on his console. Janeway noticed that he did not reference Tom Paris, just the helmsman. So typical of Admiral Paris, she thought, but just this once he might have considered how his son might be feeling.

"Enter the following coordinates at the base of the wormhole," continued Admiral Paris. "From your perspective, these readings will be approximately 1.5 kilometers off the center of the opening.

That will, however, be a correct reading. The instability has forced a shift within the wormhole itself. Without interference, the wormhole will be entering a state of collapse in approximately 5 hours, beginning at your end. Enter the wormhole at Warp 2.5. As soon as your thrusters are able, engage at Warp 5, then when you sense the collapse behind you, engage Warp 7. This should allow you to gain the momentum necessary to push you through to the Alpha Quadrant. We will be working on this end to maintain the opening for as long as possible. We will also emit a rotating polaron burst at the precise time you enter the wormhole, in hopes of stabilizing the energy readings so that your journey will be less . . . chaotic." He paused.

"Understood," said Captain Janeway. "Lieutenant Paris, do you have the coordinates?"

"I have them, Captain," stated Tom Paris from the conn.

"And, Captain . . ." began the Admiral.

"Yes, Admiral?"

"The impact may still be substantial. Your entire journey through the wormhole will take no more than 42 seconds. As you know, that will seem an eternity. Voyager may be heavily damaged by the time she reaches the Alpha Quadrant. There's no way to know for certain." He sighed almost wistfully.

Kathryn Janeway understood his implications. She knew the Admiral well, and she also knew the unknown factors of wormholes well. What the Admiral was alluding to was that the casualty list might be high. What he didn't know was how experienced her crew had become at being prepared for almost anything.

"I understand, Admiral." Kathryn saw him look up at her then, and knew that he understood that she knew exactly what was in store for them. Perhaps he saw a hint of just how far she had come, and how much she had experienced, since she was a young Starfleet Cadet under his tutelage those many years ago.

The Admiral continued, "Captain, you must ready your ship and be at the opening precisely 2.2 hours from now. At exactly 15:41 hours you must enter the wormhole. This has been determined as the best time, and just prior to a phase shift that we fear may occur. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Admiral."

"Good. We'll see you on the other side, Captain." He took a deep breath. "I look forward to our catching up."

"As do I, Admiral." Kathryn smiled slightly.

"Good luck, Captain Janeway. Gods' Speed." With that, Admiral Paris ended transmission. Once again, the Bridge crew was silent.

The time had come at last.

Kathryn turned and took in her Bridge crew in one sweeping glance. Most of her senior staff were here. Tuvok, Harry, Tom, Seven, even B'Elanna had been on the Bridge for this transmission, and of course, Chakotay. It suddenly occurred to her that this may have been the first glimpse B'Elanna would remember of the man who could possibly be her future father-in-law. Kathryn smiled in spite of the situation. She saw Chakotay looking at her expression, trying to figure out what she was thinking. He was indeed the finest First Officer a Captain could ever wish for, even though his ability to read her was sometimes disconcerting.

Immediately, an overwhelming feeling of loss caught her unaware.

She had to grab onto a railing to keep her balance. She hoped she had done so in a calm manner even though she had nearly fallen to her knees. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment and took a deep breath, steadying the dizziness that threatened to overtake her.

Loss. There was no better way to describe what she was feeling.

For seven years, she had lived with, depended upon, this crew.

Now she knew without a doubt that they were much more to her than a crew; they were her friends, her family. No matter how much she had tried to distance herself from them, knowing that she had to, knowing that as the Captain of Voyager she had to keep that perspective that Chakotay was so fond of reminding her of, and knowing that she could never allow any of them to enter her heart, she now realized how horribly she had failed on that account.

Perhaps she had known it all along, but hadn't wanted to admit it.

The fact was, they were all a part of her, they were all deeply imbedded inside her heart.

Kathryn took another deep breath and forced all thoughts from her mind as best she could. Feeling a little better, she opened her eyes and looked around. No one seemed to be aware of what had just happened to their Captain; they were all still lost in their own thoughts of home, family, friends. But she did not look at Chakotay. She didn't want to know if he had seen her take hold of the railing, and had witnessed her moment of weakness. She just didn't want to know. She had to keep a clear mind, and a clear head. She was sure she'd find out later if he had witnessed her weak moment. He would be sure to bring it to her attention in private. Maybe she had simply had too much coffee, she thought.

She sighed inwardly.

"Commander," she said to Chakotay in a steady voice that belied the way she really felt. "Inform the senior staff there will be a meeting in my Briefing Room in 30 minutes. You have the Bridge."

"Aye, Captain," said Chakotay, not giving any indication he knew she wasn't feeling well. Kathryn slowly let go of the railing, found she could manage to move on her own accord, pushed her shoulders back and walked briskly across the Bridge, down the two steps and into her Ready Room.

As the doors whooshed closed behind her, Kathryn walked more slowly toward her chair and sat heavily upon it. She put both elbows on the arms of the chair and rested her forehead in the palms of her hand. At a time when she needed to be at her strongest, why was she feeling so weak? Hadn't she prepared herself for this moment for nearly seven years? Isn't that what had given her the courage to continue during those times she felt ready to give up? After all, this seven-year journey had been merely a means to an end. Or had it really been more?

Just as she was beginning to get a grip on herself, her door chime sounded. She sighed. She didn't even have to guess who it was.

"Come."

Commander Chakotay came into the Ready Room with a padd in his hand. He stopped before Janeway's desk and handed the padd to her. "Captain, I thought you might want to take a look at this before our staff meeting."

Janeway took the padd from him and scanned it. It was a thorough look at current ship's systems as well as where they needed to be prior to entering the wormhole. She smiled. Just like Chakotay to be ahead of schedule. "Thank you, Commander. Thorough as always." Chakotay nodded, but remained where he was, hands clasped behind his back. Kathryn sighed. He wasn't going to let her off the hook this easily. "Anything else, Commander?"

"Yes, thank you." Chakotay sat down in the chair in front of her desk.

Kathryn took a deep breath and brought her eyes up to his.

"What?"

"I was wondering what the hell happened to you out there a few minutes ago."

Kathryn stood and walked to the viewport, her back to Chakotay.

"I just experienced a bit of dizziness, Commander. Nothing to be concerned about. Too much coffee, not enough sleep and, no, I am not eating properly. I am lax on all those good things both you and the Doctor are constantly reminding me of. I'll try to do better tomorrow."

"Nice try," said Chakotay gently.

Kathryn turned to look at him. She had decided to dump the coffee/sleep/food bit on him, admit she wasn't taking care of herself, and he'd be forced to buy it. "What do you mean?" she asked him.

"That wasn't the problem out there."

Kathryn paused. She just couldn't fool this man. "Do you think anyone else noticed, Chakotay?" she asked softly. Better to know the answer to that question before they proceeded.

"No. Practically everyone on this ship is in his or her own world right now, Kathryn. No one else noticed."

"Then why did you?" As she asked the question, she turned back to face the viewport. Why had she asked? She knew the reason why, and she really didn't want to open up that can of worms. So, why had she asked?

"Because I am beside you, Kathryn, always. I told you all about that long ago and I have never left your side. Not in all these years.

Not even when we fought the Borg." He paused and they both thought about that time for a brief moment. It was the most trying time of their seven years together, yet they had risen above it and were stronger now than they had ever been before. He rose and crossed toward her. "I know you. I know who you are and what you stand for. I watch you and look out for you. I care for you." He paused. He forced his mood to change, to turn back to the present. "Kathryn," he spoke more gently now, "are you all right?"

She turned slowly toward Chakotay, her arms crossed beneath her breasts. She just couldn't lie to him, not now or ever. "Yes. I'm fine now." She sat on the couch and motioned for him to sit beside her. He crossed up and sat next to her, not too far, yet not too close.

"I had a strange moment on the Bridge," she said. "After Admiral Paris ended transmission, I turned to look at the Bridge crew, and suddenly this feeling came over me. It was one of protectiveness, of family - and the feeling that I am about to lose that family."

She looked into his eyes. "I've spent seven years trying not to become personally involved with my crew, Chakotay, not to care so much that I wouldn't be able to send one of them on a dangerous away mission if the need arose. Seven years, telling myself that my family is on the other side of the galaxy and not here on this ship.

I've told myself that while I appreciate every member of this crew, I am not so close that I can't walk away from any of them once my job is done, once I return them safely home to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Kathryn," Chakotay reached for her hand, knowing this day was inevitable when she would realize just how much she cared for this crew, her new family . . . a feeling that she had, indeed, tried to deny to herself.

"No, Chakotay, don't try to make this easy for me. I see now that I've intentionally blinded myself to . . . so many things. I've told myself that once I get this crew home, I can rest. I can let go and rest . . . ." She let her sentence trail off, and Chakotay sat in silence and held her right hand in his left.

Finally, Kathryn spoke. "You've always known that I've been deluding myself, haven't you?" she asked in a small voice.

"You haven't been deluding yourself, Kathryn. You've done what you've had to do in order to get the job done."

"At what expense, Chakotay?" she whispered, turning to face him.

He looked up and met her eyes with his own. Perhaps they were both thinking the same thing.

Suddenly, the door chimed, bringing both of them to their feet. "It's the senior staff, Captain," said Chakotay gently. "Time for the meeting." Kathryn nodded her head and started for her desk to pick up several padds she would need for the meeting. Chakotay often admired and even envied her ability to clear her mind and even her soul for whatever needed her attention at the moment. It was definitely one of her strengths as a Captain. "Enter," he called toward the door.

As the senior staff entered the room and began to take their place at the briefing room table, Kathryn gathered her padds from her desk, taking her time. She forced away the feelings she'd experienced earlier on the Bridge. There'd be plenty of time to think about them later, to put them into perspective. Right now she had to get her crew home.

Kathryn sighed, took her padds and crossed to the conference table where the senior staff awaited their Captain. Yes, there would be plenty of time for perspective later.

Kathryn Janeway sat alone in her Ready Room waiting for the next hour to pass. They were nearly home.

She poured just one more cup of coffee, knowing that it had to be decaf. Neelix had brought this fresh pot to her only an hour ago.

She could always tell the difference, even though Neelix swore she couldn't. Sometimes she just didn't have the heart to tell him the truth, though. He worked so hard to make the coffee good for her.

The doorbell chimed. "Come" she said, knowing full well it was Tuvok with the last report of the hour.

Tuvok entered, stepped up to the Captain's desk and handed her the padd. "Here is the Bridge report, Captain."

Captain Janeway took it from him and motioned for him to sit. "It looks as though all systems are ready."

"They are, Captain. This ship is as prepared to enter the wormhole as possible with the resources we have in our possession. We have reinforced aft shielding and remodulated the tachyon pulse to match the Federation frequency as soon as it is detected. From our own research and knowledge of this wormhole, and with the modifications we have made, Voyager should not experience the amount of damage that Admiral Paris seemed to suggest."

"Good. We have to be intact on the other side or we won't be in a position to make demands."

"Acknowledged."

"Tuvok?" Kathryn knew she had to ask her old friend this question, even though she feared his answer. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"That is a difficult question to answer, Captain. I have often disagreed with your logic, but have nonetheless tried to understand why you make the decisions you make." Kathryn laughed. Tuvok looked at her. "I did not intend for my assessment to be humorous."

"I'm sorry, Tuvok. I'm just overly tired. I just had an image of you trying to figure out my logic at every move. I know I can be a difficult person to understand at times."

"Indeed," stated Tuvok matter-of-factly. Kathryn smiled again.

Leave it to her most trusted advisor to be so eloquently straightforward. 'Vulcans,' Tom Paris would say.

Kathryn regained her control and put her Captain's face back on.

Tuvok related to her better this way. "Let me rephrase my question, Tuvok. Is there any logic at all in my decision to take a stand with Starfleet Command?"

Fully expecting Tuvok to say 'no,' she was completely surprised when he replied "Indeed."

"How so?" she asked softly, leaning forward expectantly.

"This crew has experienced seven years in the Delta Quadrant, Captain. These seven years will be impossible to describe to anyone - or any institution - who hasn't been here to share it with us. The heroism of this crew, Starfleet and Maquis alike, is beyond believability for most to understand. The ship's logs will explain, but they cannot show, the allegiance this crew has shown to their Captain, to the things they believe in. It cannot show the courage, the strength of heart and mind, and the focus that this crew has demonstrated while knowing in their hearts that they may never return home again." Tuvok paused slightly. "In your mind, Captain, allowing one part of your crew to be welcomed home while another part is shunned, is unacceptable." Here, Tuvok stood and put his hands behind his back, in difference to his Captain of many years. "I admire your courage, Captain, as I have on many occasions in the years I have known you. I am proud to have had the opportunity to serve with you once again."

The force of Tuvok's words brought tears to his Captain's eyes. She blinked them back with difficulty and stood to face her Lieutenant Commander. "Thank you, Tuvok," she whispered to him, "For more than you'll ever know." Tuvok nodded slightly, his way of showing his respect for her.

"Chakotay to Janeway," came Chakotay's voice over her Communicator.

"Janeway here, Commander."

"Captain, it's time to perform the final systems check."

"On my way," she replied. Crossing from behind her desk, she crossed to Tuvok, touched his left arm briefly with her right hand, looked into his eyes and said "Thank you, Old Friend." Then she became the Captain again and walked purposefully through the doors onto the Bridge, with Tuvok close behind her.

"Captain on the Bridge," stated Chakotay, as he and the rest of the Bridge crew stood to face their Captain. Kathryn was touched; she had long ago requested her Bridge crew not accommodate her with the formal Bridge command whenever she entered the Bridge. But now, she knew this was a final salute to their Captain prior to entering the Alpha Quadrant, and returning home. It was a 'thank you' of sorts, and an Honor.

Captain Janeway nodded quickly to each of her Bridge crew, saving her First Officer for last. He smiled as he returned her nod.

"Thank you, All," she said. "As you were." As the Bridge crew once again turned to their duties, Tuvok moved to his station quickly, and Captain Janeway moved to sit in her command chair.

Kathryn Janeway took a deep breath and turned to her Commanding officer. "Ready when you are, Commander."

As Chakotay ran through the final systems checks, Kathryn listened dutifully. It wasn't necessary for her to be here, but it was somewhat of a Starfleet tradition, in honor of the Captain, to ask the Captain to be present for a final run down of ship's systems just prior to a major undertaking. She smiled to herself. 'Enjoy this, Kathryn,' she told herself. 'Who knows if you'll ever be privy to this or any other such honor again, after Starfleet is finished with you.' She closed her eyes and listened to the gentle tone of Chakotay's voice calling for status, and the answering voices of her various crewmen.

Finally, all was quiet. Kathryn opened her eyes and turned to Chakotay. "Sounds like we're fit as a fiddle," she smiled.

"I hope so, Captain. We're as ready as we'll ever be."

"True." She sighed heavily. "Mr. Paris," she called down to the helm. "Take us to the wormhole, Warp 2. Maintain a distance of 2 kilometers after approaching the final coordinates."

"Aye, Captain," Tom responded.

Kathryn wondered how Tom was holding up. Seeing his Father - twice - after seven years, and being treated like a distant acquaintance by him, couldn't have been easy. But she knew Tom was accustomed to being treated this way; poor Tom had never been good enough for his Father. Well, she would make sure the Admiral knew how fine his son had turned out, and how grown-up and responsible he had become, given the chance. All she could do was tell the Admiral, then let the chips fall where they may.

History wasn't written in a day, and she was sure it would take longer than that to heal the breach between Tom Paris and his Father. Largely because of this, she knew Tom didn't relish returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Among the crew, it was commonly known that Tom Paris had made a better life for himself aboard Voyager than he had ever known before. And he was the first to admit it. Well, she would do what she could to see to it that he was given another chance on Earth.

She saw that Chakotay was looking at her. As she met his gaze, he smiled. "You can't change the world, Kathryn."

"Damn it, Chakotay," she whispered as she leaned toward him so she wouldn't be overheard by the rest of the Bridge crew. "Can't I even have a private thought that you can't interpret?"

Chakotay smiled. "Maybe I'm psychic after all, and you're just now figuring it out."

"Highly unlikely."

"Why is that? Maybe I've just been good at hiding it from you."

When she didn't answer right away, he looked up from his console and met her straightforward stare. Finally she said, "No. If you were psychic, you would have figured out a lot of things by now that you obviously haven't."

"Oh?" Chakotay asked, intrigued.

"Never mind." She sat back in her seat, crossed her legs and glanced at her monitor. "We have a journey ahead of us and a very important mission to think about just now," she said in her best Captain's voice. Chakotay smiled as he turned his gaze back to his monitor. He was definitely filing this one away for later. She wasn't going to get away with that one so easily.

The Voyager crew sat wordlessly and waited for the proper time to enter the wormhole, their position ready for ascent. Each was thinking his own thoughts, lost in time, and space, and more unsure of the future than ever before.

Kathryn Janeway was planning her greeting for Admiral Paris on the other side. The Captain knew that the Admiral would have an open comm link not only between Voyager and himself, but between himself and all of Starfleet Command. This was going to be an event unlike any other - the welcoming home of a crew lost for seven years, a crew returning from a part of the galaxy previously uncharted by the entire Alpha Quadrant. The wealth of information aboard Voyager alone would make any Starfleet official water at the mouth, so to speak. She planned to use this as part of Voyager's bargaining chip, if need be.

Kathryn also knew that the Admiral would deactivate the comm link between himself and the rest of Starfleet Command at the first tiny indication that something, anything, was wrong. This was good; it might keep negotiations open longer this way, before egos were embarrassed or offended publicly. And things would become 'wrong' very quickly in his eyes, she thought wryly. She didn't want to have to do this, wished with all her heart and soul there was another way, but she'd known for years that this day was inevitable if they returned home. The day of reckoning had arrived.

Captain Janeway could not, would not, sacrifice the reputation of any of her crewmembers in order to satisfy any old business Starfleet might want to take care of at the expense of her people.

No, they were all in this together, her crew. They'd stood together through tougher times than this. They'd won their share of battles in the Delta Quadrant, and they would win this one.

As Kathryn Janeway psyched herself up for her next conversation with Admiral Paris, Chakotay watched her from the corner of his eye. He was deeply concerned - about several things. First, he knew Kathryn was on edge and feared that her lack of sleep and food these past few days might begin to take their toll on her. But he also knew that at times like this she could also be at her very best. And, when it was all over and things had settled down, she would collapse until her mind and body were rested, then do it all over again when the next time came. This time, however, she might not have that luxury; she had been kind in her words about Starfleet debriefings in the staff meetings.

Chakotay also knew that Starfleet Command had even larger egos than Kathryn had let on in those same staff meetings. He hoped that she had underestimated them intentionally, in order to prevent the senior staff from dwelling on things they could not change. He knew those egos well, and he was fairly certain Kathryn did also.

He had to trust her on that one.

There was also something else. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it made him uncomfortable. Kathryn had something up her sleeve. He could always sense it when she kept something from him. It was true she couldn't lie to him, but she had become awfully adept at keeping things from him when she wanted to. And he knew she was up to something. He shook his head to clear his mind. Maybe he was just imagining it. They'd all been under such intense pressure lately, and hers was greater than everyone else's combined. Perhaps he was just sensing that never-ending weight the burden of Command put on her. And he knew she felt this was her moment of truth.

Whatever happened now, he would stand beside her. She knew she could depend on him, and he would die before he let her down again. Again. For a flicker of a moment, he remembered their conflict over how best to engage the Borg that first time, nearly four years ago. It was the first and last time they'd disagreed so vehemently. It had taken time, but they had repaired the damage to their friendship, and had somehow managed to grow even closer together in the aftermath. He closed his eyes tightly. He would never allow that discord to happen again. Even now, the thought of the pain he had caused her, the hurt in her eyes, still made his heart ache. He would never again be the cause of her hurt. She had paid too high a price in life for other causes; he was determined to be her solace instead. He wanted to be the one she sought to make her burdens lighter, not heavier.

"It's time." Kathryn's command voice brought Chakotay out of his reverie. "Mr. Paris, take us to the wormhole entrance and hold steady. Prepare to go to Warp 2.5 on my command."

"Aye Captain." Then a moment later, "We're at the entrance, Captain. Ready to go to Warp." Kathryn thought she detected just a bit of wistfulness underlying Tom's words. She suddenly wished she had taken more time to talk to Tom about Admiral Paris, and explained to him why his Father was such an important part of her life. And to tell him that she understood why his Father wasn't an important part of his.

Kathryn forced her thoughts back to the present. "Mr. Tuvok?"

Tuvok watched his chronometer, then at the precise moment dutifully called the countdown. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one . . ."

"Engage," said Captain Janeway, softly but firmly.

With those words, Commander Chakotay silently reached over and took his Captain's hand, as Tom Paris led Voyager into the wormhole, marking the beginning of the 42-second journey that would take them home.

The viewscreen showed swirls and shades of colors never before imagined. Voyager rocked and shook and vibrated. When Captain Janeway knew the time was right, exactly eighteen seconds after entering the wormhole, she ordered Tom Paris to engage thrusters and increase speed to Warp 5. She knew Tom was struggling to maintain control of the helm, so she ordered Harry Kim to transfer duplicate readings from the helm control to his monitor in order to keep Tom apprised of any surprises. Fourteen seconds later, the Captain detected the collapse of the wormhole behind Voyager and ordered Mr. Paris to jump to Warp 7. She contacted Engineering and ordered B'Elanna Torres to increase power to the deflectors and reinforce the shields, just as Voyager gained the momentum necessary to push through the wormhole to the Alpha Quadrant.

Ten interminable seconds later, Voyager burst through the other side of the wormhole as it collapsed behind them. Suddenly, the shaking and jerking stopped and calm surrounded them. The viewscreen immediately cleared, and the Bridge crew saw familiar star systems they had not seen in seven years. They were in the Alpha Quadrant; they were home at last.

It was strangely quiet on the Bridge. Kathryn Janeway took a deep breath and forced herself to gain her wits about her. Timing was critical, and there was no time to daydream. She stood from her chair. "Mr. Kim, are we in the Alpha Quadrant?" she barked in her strictest command voice. Time to get this crew back to the present.

"Yes, Captain, we are in the Alpha Quadrant," replied Ensign Kim, quickly pulling his eyes from the viewscreen and punching commands into his console.

"We are being hailed by Starfleet Command," stated Lieutenant Tuvok.

"Mr. Kim, create a frequency distraction, interference of some sort - I need a moment," said Janeway quickly.

"Yes, Captain." Then, "The Federation is reading a phase variance in our ship's sensors and communications systems. I'm making it look as though I'm working to correct that variance."

"Good work, Mr. Kim. Mr. Tuvok, ship status."

"We are in good shape, Captain. Minor damage on decks 2, 3 and 5 - minor injuries to six crewmembers. All relevant systems are functional."

"Weapons and shields?"

"Both are in tact, Captain."

"B'Elanna?"

"We're in good shape down here, Captain, the warp core is undamaged."

"Good. All hands, remain at your posts and stand ready for further instructions. Harry, Tuvok, maintain distortions in our pattern buffers. Scramble random readings so that scans of our ship will show some damage."

"Aye, Captain," replied Harry Kim, smiling to himself. The Captain knew what she was doing, all right.

"Yes, Captain," replied Tuvok, working the controls on his monitor.

Captain Janeway paused, took a deep breath, glanced once at her First Officer for support, and at his slight nod, she said in a softer tone, "All right, we're as ready for this as we'll ever be. Harry, clear up that variance and open a channel."

Admiral Paris' face immediately appeared on the viewscreen.

"Captain Janeway. Welcome home." Kathryn detected relief in his voice.

"Thank you, Admiral."

"How did Voyager fare through the wormhole, Captain?"

"Our ship's analyses are still being calculated, Admiral. Voyager isn't in the same condition she was in seven years ago, you know." She wanted him to think they weren't as strong as they actually were, but she found it difficult to sell her ship short, even in these circumstances.

"Of course not, Captain," the Admiral chuckled slightly. In spite of herself, Captain Janeway almost bristled, but caught herself. She felt like telling him Voyager was in *better* shape than she'd been in seven years ago. Perhaps she had been mended and reworked - several times over, in fact - but some of the alloys and minerals found in the Delta Quadrant had proved to be richer than those found in the Alpha Quadrant. Voyager was, in many ways, performing better than when she had left the Alpha Quadrant. But now was not the time for Admiral Paris to know that.

"Captain Janeway, stand by for a transmission of a direct course to Deep Space 12 from your present location. Under these circumstances, we believe that will be the best place to dock your ship. As you know, DS12 has a large containment facility for Intrepid vessels, when they are in need of service or . . . inspection."

"Of course, Admiral," said Janeway, because it was the correct thing to say.

"Coordinates received, Captain," stated Tom Paris evenly.

"Let me assure you that Voyager is both safe and sanitary, Admiral. We are virus-free and without pathogens or infections aboard. However, I understand your need to inspect this vessel thoroughly, even with my assurances."

"Thank you, Captain. Your cooperation is appreciated," said the Admiral, knowing full well that Voyager's Captain had no choice in the matter. And he knew that she knew she had no choice in the matter. This was all a necessary show of words, which he sometimes grew wary of. Many, many years of protocol, anticipated actions and reactions. He sighed inwardly. Sometimes he almost remembered times of interstellar war with fondness. And that was something he would never admit to anyone, ever.

"But first, Admiral, there are a few things we need to discuss." Kathryn Janeway stood tall and proud in the Admiral's viewscreen.

He'd nearly forgotten how beautiful she was until he'd first seen her three days ago from this very spot. Seven years in the Delta Quadrant had only made her more beautiful, in the way a woman is beautiful. She was no longer the young girl he had mentored all those years ago. Frankly, if he'd admit it, she hadn't been that for a long time. But those admissions were harder and harder to come by, as the Admiral found himself growing older. 'And she's stronger,' he thought. 'She's never looked as comfortable and confident on the Bridge as she does right now.'

And suddenly, Admiral Paris's wise inner voice told him to sever the communications link with all of Starfleet Command. He moved his right hand slowly out of sight of the viewscreen, but Kathryn Janeway knew exactly what he was doing.

"Captain?" asked the Admiral, with a steady tone, giving her time to reconsider what might be forthcoming.

"Please listen carefully, Admiral. As you know, I have several crewmembers aboard Voyager who are ex-Maquis renegades. I fear that even though the conflict with Cardassia is now over, Starfleet may hold some of my crewmen partly responsible for the initial violation of the Treaty between Cardassia and the Federation.

If this is true, and they intend some form of punishment, I cannot, in good conscience, hand my trusted crewmembers over to waiting Federation officials. These men and women wear Federation uniforms on my ship, Admiral, and they have proven themselves to be indispensable for seven years. In fact, I can tell you with certainty that we are home today because of the determination and hard work of these former Maquis, and of the Starfleet crews, combined."

Kathryn Janeway paused a moment to allow the Admiral to consider her words, then continued with a strong voice. "Seven years ago, I made the Captain of the Maquis ship my First Officer." She sensed, rather than saw, Chakotay stand and cross forward to stand behind her. "This is my First Officer, Commander Chakotay.

He has been instrumental in unifying our two crews, in blending them into one crew that is stronger and more substantial than either one was before."

She paused a moment, then continued. "Admiral, I fear persecution for my ex-Maquis crewmen, and I will not condone that sort of treatment from Starfleet Command. I want any and all pending charges against the Maquis dropped. Only then will we continue on to Deep Space 12, and dock there."

"Captain Janeway, I can appreciate your position. But this is hardly the forum for this discussion." The Admiral's words were measured. He knew this situation could potentially get out of hand, and away from him, quickly. He didn't want Kathryn Janeway to throw away an entire Starfleet career in the next few minutes, and he knew Kathryn Janeway. When she believed in something, she took a stand and forgot about limitations.

"I disagree, Admiral. While I realize seven years is a long time, I also know that for centuries wars have been fought, then remembered for many years to come. Spoils of war and the losses suffered are never forgotten." She paused, giving both herself and the Admiral time to evaluate her words. "Secondly, seven years ago I granted the field commission of Lieutenant to Thomas Eugene Paris. He has served Voyager tirelessly and admirably as helmsman these past years. I want his prison sentence in the New Zealand prison where I found him seven years ago to be considered served in full. He has served his time well, Admiral, aboard a Starfleet vessel."

"Captain . . . consider these things you are asking." Please don't do this, Kathryn.

Kathryn ignored him. She had to finish this now. "Admiral, before we continue our journey to Deep Space 12, I want assurances that all members of my crew will be welcomed home and treated as one celebrated crew. And not one of them is to be brought up on charges at any time in the future. I want assurances of immunity, in writing. Any and all decisions made aboard Voyager these past seven years have been mine, and if there are charges to be brought, they are to be brought against me. For my crew, I will accept nothing less than the terms I've stated here."

Admiral Paris looked intently at Captain Kathryn Janeway, his former protégé. He remained stoic, even stern, in his demeanor.

But he had never been so damned proud of her as he was at this moment! That didn't mean he condoned her stand, her terms. In fact, she had thrown them all into quite a mess, and he would try to deal with the Admiralty the best he could - without seeming weak, of course. "These are your terms, then?" he asked, in his best official voice, that same voice had been feared by many throughout his years in Starfleet Command.

"Those are my terms," Captain Janeway said in her most Captainly voice. Then she crossed to the right of the conn and punched in a code on the console. "I am transmitting a formal request to you now, explaining all of this to the Admiralty - in case they feel you . . . misunderstood my message to them. You will also find my recorded statement of assurances that all decisions made aboard Voyager for the past seven years have been mine, and mine alone, including the decision that stranded us in the Delta Quadrant."

They had both taken a stand, and unfortunately it was necessary that they stand on opposite sides of the situation. That was a given.

They both knew it. What would or wouldn't happen, what Captain Janeway commanded Voyager's crew to do next, was not part of the equation just now. Admiral Paris would deliver the terms to Starfleet Command, then a decision on how to proceed would come forth. He would be asked to deliver the decision back to Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Intrepid Class Starship Voyager. Meanwhile, Captain Janeway and her ship would stand by. And wait. And Admiral Paris was probably the one person who would want to help them the most, yet he would be kept at bay because of his association with Voyager's helmsman, and its Captain. He would simply be the messenger.

"Your transmission is received," said the Admiral, glancing at his own console. "You realize the consequences this may have, Captain?"

"I do."

"It's unfortunate you have chosen this time to make demands of Starfleet, Captain." One more try, he thought. But he knew it was little more than words. Kathryn Janeway had made her decision to follow this path long before today. The Admiral knew her even better than she thought he did.

"It gives me no pleasure to do this, Sir." And the Admiral knew she spoke the truth.

Admiral Paris and Captain Janeway looked at each other evenly.

They still shared mutual respect, and always would. Kathryn was glad of what she saw deep inside the Admiral's eyes: He was not disappointed in her. He understood full well that she was responsible for her crew. And her crew had paid its dues. Starfleet Command may think differently, they both knew.

"Captain Janeway, I will deliver your terms to the Admiralty. I will report back to you with a decision 24 hours from now." With that the Admiral signed off. Kathryn closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Now they had 24 hours to wait. One thing about Starfleet Command: They were punctual. Voyager would be kept waiting for her Destiny for precisely 24 hours.

The terms had been given. The Bridge was silent. Then, "Captain, may I see you in your Ready Room." Chakotay's words were measured, firm, and underlying that, very angry. "Now, Captain."

Kathryn took a deep breath and sighed inwardly. This was not a time to allow Chakotay to see her weaknesses. Just as she knew she wasn't about to see his. Those were the rules, even though they knew each others weaknesses so very well. She glanced over her shoulder at him, but didn't meet his eyes. She didn't have to see them to know the anger that would be there. She nodded slightly to let him know she understood his request, without acknowledging the insistence in his voice. She turned and started for her Ready Room, with Chakotay following closely behind her. As they neared the doors, Tuvok came from behind his console and intercepted them. "Captain. Commander, may I join you?" he asked, looking directly at Chakotay.

'He intends this to be Chakotay's decision since this is obviously his meeting,' thought the Captain. She turned to look at Chakotay behind her. Chakotay and Tuvok were staring intently at each other, Chakotay trying to gauge Tuvok's purpose for wanting to be present for what was about to happen behind the closed doors of the Captain's Ready Room, and Tuvok simply waiting for an answer to his request.

Commander Chakotay broke eye contact first, and gave Tuvok a slight nod. Tuvok returned the nod, almost imperceptibly. 'Great,' thought Kathryn, 'Just what I need right now. A logical Vulcan and an angry warrior.' As she turned and once again headed for her Ready Room, she heard Commander Tuvok say "Lieutenant Paris, you have the Bridge."

As the three officers entered the Ready Room and the doors closed behind them, Tom Paris crossed his arms over his chest and turned in his chair toward Harry Kim. "Well, Harry ole' boy, how'd you like to be privy to the conversation going on behind those closed doors, as we speak?"

"Ah, no thanks. I'd rather stay right here and never know a thing about it. I still have expectations for a long and rewarding life." Harry smiled, and shook his head to himself. He had his own opinions about what was happening in there. He had never seen Commander Chakotay look so angry, and he'd definitely seen him angry before. And when the Captain had told Admiral Paris about her recorded statement, Harry thought the Commander would tear the armrest off his chair, he was clutching it so tightly.

And Harry knew how Tuvok was when he became even more stoic and logical than usual. Harry knew the Vulcan would never admit to being different from one day to the next, but Harry knew first hand that even Tuvok had bad days just like everyone else; they were just not as noticeable. And when the Captain got upset . . . well, that was another story altogether. Harry knew her wrath all too well. He'd never forget the time he'd had an affair with a female of an unknown race and the Captain had given him quite a talking to about endangering the lives of everyone else with a possible disease, or worse. He'd hurt her, too, by disappointing her.

One of Captain Janeway's strengths as a leader, and one of her most endearing qualities, was the fact that she truly cared for each and every one of her crew, Harry knew. She also expected only the very best efforts from every crewmember aboard her ship. And there was just something about her that made everyone want to please her. No one could stand it when they saw their own faces reflected in the disappointment in her eyes, not even Tom Paris.

And when it came to standing toe to toe with someone . . . well, tired or not, there just wasn't anyone who could pull one over on her.

And, quite frankly, neither of the Commanders held a candle to her when she was standing up for something she believed in.

Harry knew that neither Tuvok nor Chakotay were pleased with the conditions she had set for Starfleet. He had seen the looks in their eyes. He didn't know exactly what was wrong, but he knew it had to do with her not asking for enough, probably concerning herself.

Both, yes even Tuvok, had seemed surprised when the Captain had told Admiral Paris that those two conditions were all she asked.

Oh, well, Harry sighed. He'd just do his job and let Tom do the wondering. He was good at it. Harry always managed to get himself into trouble when he got involved in things that were none of his business.

After entering her Ready Room, Kathryn Janeway crossed behind her desk and sat in the chair. She tried to appear casual as she placed her elbows on the arms of the chair and clasped her hands in front of her. Chakotay stopped in front of her desk and glared at her, as Tuvok moved to the side and stood quietly with his hands behind his back, looking past them both to the other side of the room, as was his custom. The depth of Chakotay's anger was now much more apparent with just the three of them in the room, but Kathryn could tell he was still holding a good deal of his emotions back. Chakotay looked at her, his dark eyes flashing, and he started to open his mouth to say something, but didn't. Instead, he turned and paced several feet away from her desk, then back again.

"Well . . . ?" Kathryn asked him. She knew she was provoking his anger by not allowing him to speak first, and when he was ready.

But, frankly, just now she had to concentrate on other things at hand, and she didn't have time for this. She suppressed the overwhelming thought at the back of her mind that the truth of the matter was that she couldn't stand to see him hurting this way.

Chakotay stopped suddenly in front of her desk. "I wish I had your skills, Captain, at being who you want to be when y