Slim Chance by D.A. Kent

The day was bright and warm, and Kathryn Janeway thought it had never felt so good to be away from the ship. The twin suns surrounding the planet were far enough away so as not to make the day too warm, and the air felt fresh and invigorating. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. There was a definite aroma that was almost recognizable. She took another deep breath. There. It almost smelled like lavender, yet not quite as sweet as real lavender.

When Kathryn opened her eyes again, she found herself looking into the smiling face of her First Officer.

"What are you smiling at?" she asked him, trying to act as though it were an everyday occurrence for her to stand in one place and breathe deeply, over and over again.

"Nothing, Captain. Just wanted to make sure you're all right." But he remained smiling just the same.

"I'm fine, Chakotay. Now, take a deep breath and tell me what you smell."

Chakotay took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he remained silent, Kathryn asked, "Well?"

Putting his finger to his lips, admonishing her to be quiet, he closed his eyes gently and breathed deeply again. After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked at an impatient Kathryn Janeway, then shrugged.

"What do you mean you don't smell anything? Chakotay! It smells like lavender! Now, come on. Try again." This time both officers closed their eyes, took a deep breath and slowly let out their breath again. When they opened their eyes only a moment later, Chakotay merely looked at his Captain as though she were imagining things.

"Ah, hey, ah . . . Captain, Commander . . . is this a private party, or can anyone play?"

Captain Janeway turned to see an amused Tom Paris standing only a few feet away. "Ensign, what's the status?" she asked, ignoring his question, which was often necessary to do with Tom Paris.

"We're ready to go, Captain. The last Away Team is readying for beam up right now. You and the Commander are the last ones, and if I were you I wouldn't waste too much time in getting back to the ship. That might be the one thing that could send Tuvok over the edge."

"Thank you for your opinion, Ensign," Janeway said in her best command voice, adding just the right amount of steel Tom always seemed to need from her. "We're right behind you."

"All right then. See you back on Voyager." With that, Tom Paris started off to rejoin the rest of his Away Team, with a smile on his face. It was so obvious that the Captain and the Commander were involved in one of their little good-natured games. The Captain always lightened up a bit when she got off the ship, which wasn't often enough, if you asked Tom.

He sighed. That was one of the burdens of Command, he mused. For the most part, both Chakotay and Tuvok were dead set against the Captain venturing off the ship for an Away Mission. They had finally relented this time since the M-Class planet they were currently on was completely uninhabited except for a few forms of plant life. Tuvok and Chakotay had both agreed that an hour or so planetside, under the watchful eye of Commander Chakotay, wouldn't likely endanger the Captain.

As Tom reached the other members of his Away Team, he turned to look once more in the direction of the Captain and the Commander. He wouldn't want the Captain's job, that was for sure. She had the burden of making certain the entire ship ran efficiently each and every day. And being lost in the Delta Quadrant didn't afford her much time off from duty. He shook his head and wondered, not for the first time, just how she managed to do it. He knew that from time to time it got to her. Hell, it would get to anyone. But she was more resilient than most. Besides, she had Chakotay to lean on.

Over the years, the Captain had finally let her guard down just enough to allow the Commander to take some of the burden from her. When that had happened exactly, Tom couldn't be sure, but it wasn't until they had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant for a good couple of years. Maybe the Captain had just finally realized she couldn't shoulder the entire burden alone any longer. No one could isolate themselves from others indefinitely, and certainly not Captain Janeway. Maybe she had once thought she could remain alone on Voyager, but Tom had noticed the look of loneliness in her eyes once or twice early on. But these days, it seemed as though Chakotay had taken some of that loneliness away from her. Somewhat, at any rate. Tom sighed.

Many of the Voyager crew spent a considerable amount of free time speculating on the relationship between the Captain and the Commander. It was an often-discussed topic, and one that had provided many hours of amusement and debate for the sometimes bored crewmembers. Tom himself had instigated many of these discussions, and usually managed to get some sort of bet going regarding their interactions.

For example, one current bet on the books questioned how long it would be before the Captain asked the Commander to her quarters again for a late night of reviewing crew reports. She seemed to do that on a more frequent basis these days. At least Tom thought so, and that discussion one night in the mess hall with several of the beta shift crewmembers had prompted the bets being placed. Within a couple of hours, crewmen from all over the ship were placing their bets on the encoded betting channel.

Whoever among the crew wanted to get in on a certain pool would bet their replicator rations, and then the 'wait and watch' game would begin. Usually the alpha shift Bridge crew had the advantage of listening to conversations between Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, and often either Tom or Harry would be able to grab onto what was considered "insider information."

Tuvok was also within range to hear some great conversation between the two Command chairs, and his heightened sense of hearing would make it even better, but unfortunately Tuvok would never become involved in Tom's betting pools. In fact, Tom knew that the Vulcan pretended not to know about the betting that went on, but Tom suspected that Tuvok was keeping a close watch over the games anyway. And although Tuvok was known to faithfully alert the Captain to any wrongdoings on Voyager, maybe even Tuvok realized that the crew needed a harmless diversion these days. Whatever the reason, at least the Captain didn't know about it.

If the Captain ever found out about Tom's betting pool, the entire operation would be closed down immediately, and Tom would be in deep trouble.

After all, five years ago, Commander Chakotay had put him on report for doing just this same thing, and Tom knew that Chakotay had informed the Captain of the situation afterward. True, he was working under cover as a ship's spy at the time, but the Captain had later informed him that this did not mean he could involve the entire crew in his betting schemes. She was adamantly against his corrupting the entire crew. Replicator rations were scare enough; she didn't need Tom Paris convincing other crewmen to give theirs up to him through some sort of illegal betting practices.

No, this time, she wouldn't send Chakotay to take care of it. This time she would take care of it herself, and he'd have hell to pay.

And as much as he hated to disappoint the Captain, he just couldn't help it that he was a man who lived on the edge.

Shaking his head, Tom crossed over to his group and picked up the remaining containers of plant life they had collected for Neelix's kitchen and for the hydroponics bay. With luck, they would be able to replicate this environment in Voyager's hydroponics bay so the young plants would grow strong and healthy, thus reproducing vitamin-enriched food products that Neelix would later destroy in some concoction he'd create in his kitchen.

Ah, the complexities of being stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Tom had never been happier in his life.

Tapping his comm badge, Tom gave the order to beam his team back up to Voyager.

*

Meanwhile, the Captain and Chakotay were slowly making their way to the beam-up site that Tom and his team had just vacated. "Wait a minute," said Kathryn. Both she and Chakotay stopped suddenly. "Chakotay, the scent is very strong here. Don't tell me you can't smell it at all?"

Chakotay took another deep breath. "Sorry, Captain. Maybe I've just forgotten what lavender smells like."

"I can't believe that. How can you forget what something smells like?" She looked at him then, for a good long moment. Then she took a step closer to him and peered intently into his eyes. "I think you are just trying to convince me that you don't smell anything. I think you smell it just fine."

"Captain, really. I don't smell anything remotely like lavender." It took all his resolve to keep a straight face. She really was beautiful when she was frustrated.

"Fine. Whatever you say." The Captain threw up her hands in a gesture that usually meant 'forget it,' but Chakotay knew Kathryn Janeway well enough to know that the topic was anything but closed.

The two commanding officers continued up the hill to the beam-up site at the top. They were indeed the only ones left on the planet, and the suns were just starting to set in the north as they reached the site. The Captain slapped her comm badge. "Voyager, two to beam up."

"Acknowledged, Captain," came the voice from Voyager's transporter room.

In another instant, the forms of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay shimmered into the waning light, then reappeared only moments later in the transporter room aboard Voyager.

"Chakotay . . ." began the Captain, as she stepped off the transporter pad and down into the room itself.

Suddenly, the Captain stopped and gently put her hand out to touch the wall on her right. She shut her eyes momentarily, trying to stop the strange feeling of dizziness that had taken her unaware.

Chakotay was beside her in the next instant. He put his hand on her shoulder. "Kathryn? Are you all right?" he asked softly.

The Ensign assigned to the transporter room for the alpha shift stood by in case he was needed, watching the Captain, and holding his breath. He had heard the Commander call the Captain "Kathryn" and knew that the Commander was terribly shaken. Commander Chakotay would never have made the error of referring to the Captain by her first name in front of any of the other crewmembers, if he were thinking rationally.

"I'm fine, Commander," said the Captain finally. She opened her eyes and slowly let go of the wall. "I just felt dizzy for a moment. Not used to being in the sun anymore, I suppose."

"Maybe we should stop by Sickbay . . ." began Chakotay.

"No, thank you. I've had a lovely day, and I don't want it spoiled by the Doctor telling me I'm not eating properly . . ." She began to walk forward as Chakotay took his place at her side. Then suddenly, Kathryn Janeway grabbed at the wall again as she began to fall. But this time, Chakotay was ready and caught her in his arms as he yelled over his shoulder to the young Ensign on duty, "Ensign! Beam us directly to Sickbay!"

"Aye, Sir!" As the Ensign manipulated the instruments, then watched silently as the Captain and Commander shimmered out of the transporter room, he finally realized he'd been holding his breath the entire time. He let it out slowly, hoping like hell the Captain was all right. If anything happened to her, he knew the entire ship and her crew would suffer greatly. Nothing against Commander Chakotay and his abilities, but the Captain was fearsome and determined, and nothing would stand in her way of getting her crew home again.

*

"I don't know, Doctor. I just felt faint for an instant and my vision became blurred. Then, after stopping for a moment, my vision cleared and I started for the door. That's all I remember."

Captain Janeway was sitting on the edge of a biobed in Sickbay as the Doctor ran what seemed to be endless scans over her entire body. Chakotay stood several feet away, watching and listening, with a worried look on his face.

"Hmm. According to Commander Chakotay, that's when you fainted," said the Doctor, continuing his scans as he spoke.

"I told you, Doctor. I'm all right. I feel fine now."

"Yes, but even if that's true, there has to be a reason for you to have fainted into the Commander's arms a few minutes ago."

"Doctor, it wasn't quite that melodramatic . . ." the Captain began, but the Doctor ignored her.

"And my scan shows that, although you did not have a substantial breakfast, as usual . . ." here he gave her one of his 'I told you something would happen' looks, then continued, "You have enough sustenance in your stomach to prevent dizziness from a mere transport. No, there has to be something else . . ."

"Doctor . . ." the Captain tried again.

"Wait. What's this?" The Doctor continued to scan the Captain's body, although he seemed to concentrate his efforts on her stomach and abdominal areas. The fact that he was still ignoring her pushed her best behavior to the extreme. She knew she was not going to be able to hold her irritation in check for very much longer.

Commander Chakotay moved closer to the Captain and the Doctor, with unanswered questions in his eyes. The Captain sighed. She felt totally surrounded, yet completely alone, since no one was paying the least bit of attention to anything she said.

Finally, the Commander could wait no longer. "What did you find, Doctor?"

"I'm not sure. Some readings are slightly irregular, but that's not altogether unusual only moments after a transport." The Doctor shut off his scanner and walked over to his instrument table.

"Then that's that." The Captain slid off the biobed, obviously intending to leave the room.

"Wait a moment, Captain. I'm not finished with my examination. Please get back on the bed." The Doctor turned his back to her then, knowing that she wouldn't be happy with his request. In fact, he knew that she knew that he had every right to order her back onto the bed if she did not comply willingly with his request. He waited patiently while she made her choice.

Chakotay held his breath, willing his body to stay where it was. He wanted to lift Kathryn in his arms himself and sit her back on the bed, but he knew that this would only make her angry. She was completely capable and did not like to be catered to. To his relief, Captain Janeway lifted herself back up onto the bed without further comment.

The Doctor, instinctively knowing that the Captain was once again on the bed, turned back to her with a larger, more localized, scanner.

"Please lie down, Captain." As the Captain took a deep breath and lay back on the bed, the Doctor continued to speak as he scanned her upper torso and abdominal areas. "I'm taking some active scans so that I can study them after you've gone. I will make them interactive with the computer system and feed them into the medical database so that an hour from now they will look as they should, without showing signs of transport interference. Perhaps then I will be able to determine what caused you to faint. There. That should do it." The Doctor shut down the scanning device. "You may sit up now, Captain."

As the Captain sat up on the bed, the Doctor continued. "I will let you know when I have completed my examination of these scans, Captain."

"Thank you, Doctor," said the Captain, as she pushed herself off the biobed to stand between the Doctor and Chakotay.

"Meanwhile, since you obviously skipped lunch again, may I suggest you eat something light now, and then remember to eat dinner this evening, as well," said the Doctor. Then he looked at her with meaning, and said in that superior manner he seemed to have perfected: "A substantial dinner."

"Of course, Doctor. Thank you," said the Captain, giving no indication she registered the meaning behind the Doctor's words.

"I will see that the Captain has something to eat, Doctor. We'll head for the mess hall after we leave here," said Chakotay, as Kathryn sighed.

"Good. And if you don't mind, Commander, since the Captain should also lie down and rest for awhile, I would feel better if you also escort her to her quarters after she has had something to eat. Just in case she should feel lightheaded again."

"Of course, Doctor." Chakotay turned to Kathryn then and held his arm out for her to take. She bristled a moment, then grudgingly took his arm and they headed out the doors and into the corridor, with the Doctor smiling after them.

When they were safely outside Sickbay, Kathryn let go of Chakotay's arm and turned to him. "All right, I'm fine now. There's no reason for us to continue this charade, Chakotay."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Kathryn."

"Look, Chakotay, I appreciate what you did in there just now. But I'm not hungry. I promise I will eat later. All right?"

"No, not all right. I promised the Doctor I would take you directly to the mess hall, and that's where we are going."

"Chakotay . . ."

"Look, Kathryn, you can order me to walk away if you want to. But then I'll be forced to let the Doctor know you pulled rank on me, and he'll have to deal with it from there. It's up to you." He watched her face go through a thousand emotions as she considered her options, before reluctantly taking his arm again, and sending him a look that was definitely set for stun.

"I will get even with you for this, you know," she said under her breath, and just loud enough for Chakotay to hear, as they continued to walk down the corridor toward the mess hall.

"I have no doubt about that, Kathryn," Chakotay replied, smiling to himself. "But it won't necessarily make you the winner." That will give her something to think about, he thought. Kathryn Janeway was as stubborn as they came.

*

After the Captain and Commander Chakotay had stopped for a quick bite in the mess hall, they walked down the corridor to the turbolift, and after reaching the appropriate deck, they headed toward Captain Janeway's quarters.

"Chakotay, I can make it home by myself, you know. You really don't need to escort me to my door."

"I promised the Doctor I would see to it that you are returned to your quarters in one piece. We can't have the Captain roaming the ship alone and risking another episode like the one in the transporter room earlier today."

"I feel fine now," repeated the Captain for the umpteenth time, as she and Chakotay reached her quarters. "And you've just managed to fulfill your promise to the Doctor. Now, I am going to take that rest, then if I still feel fine in an hour, which I no doubt will, I am going to return to the Bridge to finish my duty shift."

At that, the Captain activated the door code, and the door to her quarters slid open. "You might want to make the Doctor aware of my intentions, Commander, so that we all understand each other," she said over her shoulder to Chakotay as she entered her living area and the door slid shut once again behind her.

Chakotay smiled to himself. Leave it to Kathryn to have the last word. He slapped his comm badge in order to inform the Doctor of the Captain's intentions, as commanded, as he started for the Bridge.

Both the Captain and Chakotay had taken an odd duty shift today, as had most of the alpha crew, in order to take better advantage of daylight hours on the M-class planet. Chakotay knew that the Captain was intent on completing her duty shift, mostly to prove a point. She would return to the Bridge today even if her shift lasted only a few minutes longer. She insisted on never being given priority treatment over any other crewmember aboard Voyager.

*

At precisely 1700 hours, the turbolift doors opened, and Captain Janeway stepped onto the Bridge of her starship. She nodded and responded to various crewmembers' greetings as she moved to her command chair. Sitting, she turned to her First Officer and nodded. "Commander," she said, as she brought her small computer on-line at her left.

"Captain," returned Commander Chakotay. "I hope you were able to catch up on those reports."

Kathryn smiled to herself, but kept her eyes focused on her computer screen. "Yes, thank you for covering Bridge duty for me."

"No problem, Captain. My pleasure."

Captain Janeway knew from Chakotay's comment that he had informed the Bridge crew that their Captain needed some quiet time in her quarters to catch up on reports. She also knew that Chakotay would do everything he could to prevent rumors of any sort to surface regarding her dizziness in the transporter room earlier. And Kathryn would have bet a month's rations, if she were so inclined, that Chakotay had even visited the young Ensign in the transporter room as well, swearing him to secrecy about the earlier incident, prior to reporting back to the Bridge himself.

As Kathryn sat quietly staring at her computer screen and musing about Chakotay's behavior, Chakotay glanced at her inconspicuously from his own computer terminal. The Captain did seem back to normal; her color was better and she had obviously picked up on his comment the moment he had said it. He had noticed the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth as she had thanked him for covering her Bridge duty.

Chakotay took a deep breath and willed himself to let it out slowly, so as not to alert Tuvok or, worse, Tom Paris. Sometimes any small gesture could encourage comment or thought during routine Bridge shifts. And Chakotay just wanted the remainder of alpha shift to pass without further interruption.

"Did you enjoy your time on the planet, Captain?" asked Tom Paris from the helm.

Kathryn glanced up from her terminal. "Very much. Thank you, Mr. Paris," she said in her crisp command voice, which told him in no uncertain terms that she was not interested in furthering this discussion. She glanced back down at her computer data.

"Yep, it was a beautiful planet," continued Tom. "In fact, I thought I even smelled some fresh lavender in the air."

"Mr. Paris, your point?" asked the Captain.

"Oh, nothing. No point, Captain. Just making conversation," Tom said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Then am I to understand that your report regarding your team's findings during the Away Mission has been completed?"

"Uh . . . no, I mean almost. Not quite," replied Tom.

"Then am I to understand, instead, that this conversation is over?"

"Yes, Ma'am," replied Tom, resignedly, knowing he had lost yet another one with the Captain. He could never quite figure out how it was that she always knew how to upend him. Worse, she always seemed to be able to do it so darned easily!

Chakotay hid his smile the best he could. Would Tom Paris ever learn that the Captain would always win? He had to hand it to Kathryn; she certainly knew how to handle Tom Paris better than anyone, and even when she wasn't feeling her best.

Behind Chakotay, Harry Kim shook his head slightly, then turned away as Tuvok raised his eyebrow in Harry's direction. Sometimes it wasn't the most comfortable feeling knowing that Tuvok's line of sight was directly across the Bridge from him.

Harry couldn't believe Tom still tried to get one over on the Captain, even after all these years of trying and not once succeeding. Sometimes Tom just couldn't let things alone. One of these days it was going to be his undoing.

Chakotay turned to the Captain. "Did you get through any of those crew evaluation reports yet?" he asked.

"Actually, I haven't touched them, Commander. I realize our duty shift is running later today, but if you don't have plans for this evening, how about dinner in my quarters? With your assistance, maybe we can muddle through those reports by midnight."

Tom Paris threw a quick glance over his shoulder at Harry Kim, just as Harry looked up from his console in time to meet Tom's look. They grinned at each other, then quickly looked away. One of those bets had now been concluded.

Harry shook his head and smiled to himself. He couldn't help it, even if Tuvok noticed. That little exchange between the Captain and Commander had just cost B'Elanna 10 replicator rations, and she wouldn't be too happy about that. She had bet that they would read the crew evaluation reports in the Captain's quarters tomorrow night. She had been so close . . . but close never counted in Tom's pools. How Tom always managed to call it when it came to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, Harry would probably never figure out.

"Sounds good to me, Captain. What time?" Chakotay was saying.

"2000 hours. And bring an appetite."

"Oh? Are you planning to try out a new recipe on me?" Chakotay grinned.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and smiled. "Don't worry. You're off the hook - it's replicator rations tonight. I don't get ambitious about cooking twice in the same month."

Chakotay returned the smile. "I remember," he said, and Kathryn chuckled.

Must be one of those New Earth memories, mused Tom. Every now and then one of them would still hint at the three months they had spent stranded alone together on that planet before Voyager had gotten hold of a cure for their disease and returned for them. It was strange, really. The two of them referred to that time so rarely. And when they did, it was just as they had now referred to it, with a hint at what had been, a sort of shared understanding between them, especially when the Captain laughed that throaty laugh, as she had just now.

And regarding New Earth, Tom thought again how he would hand over plenty of replicator rations to anyone who could just answer a few questions for him about those 12 weeks the Captain and Chakotay had spent alone together. Alas, no one in the entire Delta Quadrant could answer those questions except the two people who were there, and Tom knew that whatever had - or had not - transpired between the two of them was locked inside their two minds forever.

But, oh, what he wouldn't give to know whether or not they had made love with each other. The general consensus aboard ship was that they had not done the deed, but at times Tom had witnessed a glance exchanged between them or the brush of one hand over the other's hand, and Tom could swear the chemistry between those two could start a fire! No, he didn't think it had happened yet, but it was going to one day. He could recognize the signs a mile away, and he was right here in front of them everyday.

Besides, if they had been intimate on New Earth, Tom didn't think Chakotay would have been able to return to Voyager from New Earth and carry on as if nothing had happened between them, no matter how much the Captain might have expected him to. Chakotay wore his heart on his sleeve where the Captain was concerned, and Tom had seen the desire there so intensely on Chakotay's part so many times . . . well, who could blame him, really?

After all, Chakotay spent a lot of time with Captain Janeway, and she was certainly an attractive woman. And Tom just knew she had to be different when she was alone with Chakotay, one on one. Hell, he had seen hundreds of hints of her other self - like the episode today on the planet, that bit about the lavender. And her voice even changed when she wasn't in the Captain mode.

Tom smiled to himself. Her non-Captain voice was like velvet, sultry and seductive, not like the steel cased command voice she used on the Bridge. Tom secretly referred to that other voice as her "brandy" voice because it was as warm and inviting as a glass of real, non-synthenol brandy. He had described the Captain's sexy voice to Harry once, explaining the term 'brandy' (Harry hadn't tasted real brandy yet at the time!), and Harry had blushed a deep crimson! So, even ole' Harry had fantasized about the Captain! Even today, all it took to make Harry's face turn red was the mere mention of the word "brandy."

But sometimes the Captain looked at Chakotay with a fire in her eyes, too, although Tom knew she didn't realize it. She would never intentionally advertise it. Tom figured that Chakotay probably mentally collected each and every tidbit the Captain threw his way, and continued to bide his time, just waiting for her. And who could blame him? Surely not Tom. Look at how long it had taken him to win B'Elanna over! Some things were just worth the wait, he grinned to himself.

It was obvious they loved each other. Hell, everyone knew that! But the Captain was just so damned Starfleet . . . she took everything about that oath seriously. Too seriously, Tom thought. Having a relationship with Chakotay wouldn't break any Prime Directive. It might stretch a Starfleet principle or two . . . but they were so far away from Starfleet now, what could that matter in the long run? The Captain still ran a tight ship, and the crew respected her for it. Tom just didn't think it was right for Starfleet to expect the commanding officers to isolate themselves from their crew, or from a relationship that ought to be. But what did he know anyway. He had never understood most things about Starfleet. Just ask his father.

Sometimes Tom really felt sorry for Chakotay, though he would never let Chakotay know it. Tom had B'Elanna now, but he had gone through hell for nearly five years trying to prove himself worthy to her! And Tom was sure it would pay off for Chakotay someday. The two of them were just so damned secretive, though. No one truly knew what their relationship was like behind closed doors. But the fire in both their eyes only seemed to grow brighter and stronger over the years.

Tom respected the hell out of Kathryn Janeway as his Captain; she was the only person in his entire life who had given him a chance to prove himself. He knew he drove her nuts with his constant bantering and untimely comments on the Bridge, but truth be known, he did that on purpose. She was the only person who could consistently best him, and though he would never admit it, he enjoyed their repartee immensely.

But there had been times, back before he and B'Elanna had gotten together, when he did stop and think of the Captain that other way. Every now and then, Tom used to imagine what it would be like to make love with her. This imagery had proved to be one of the most intense fantasies he had ever conjured up! Back when she had worn her hair up in that bun, he had imagined her coming to his quarters, or him going to hers, and she would take her clothes off while he watched, then as she came to him he would pull the pins from her hair and watch as it tumbled in waves over her shoulders. Then he would entangle his hands in it as he pulled her to him . . .

He remembered the first time he had seen her with her hair down. Tom was pulling double duty on the Bridge that day, and suddenly in the middle of beta shift the ship was attacked by a strange birdlike species. He had immediately called the Captain to the Bridge, and she had arrived in uniform, but she hadn't had time to put her hair back up in the bun. She had hurriedly wrapped a ribbon around it behind her, but the damage had been done. She had unknowingly become a permanent character in Tom Paris's mental fantasy world. He smiled to himself. Thank the gods she couldn't read his mind; he would be dead for sure.

But, one thing Tom knew was women, and he knew one thing about Captain Kathryn Janeway that he didn't have to make love with her to discover for sure: She would be as passionate in her lovemaking as she was in everything else she did. That was the secret about her that had made the fantasy so rewarding for Tom. To this day, he knew that about her as strongly as if he had experienced it for himself. And he thought Chakotay suspected as much about the Captain as well. Yes, Tom was sure that Chakotay would truly know for certain one day. Good for him; Chakotay deserved to experience it for himself. Not every man would wait for a woman as many years as Chakotay was obviously willing to wait for Kathryn Janeway. Tom grinned again. Not many men would be able to handle a woman like Kathryn Janeway once they'd won her over. But if anyone could do it, Chakotay could.

Ah, well, time to get back to that report the Captain had asked about. She wouldn't let him put it off for long. Tom smiled to himself; another thing Tom Paris knew for sure was that nothing stayed the same. And Chakotay and the Captain were destined for something to happen. Tom's mission was simply to time his own part just right. He could always use replicator rations.

*

At 1745 hours, precisely fifteen minutes prior to the end of the current alpha duty shift, the Captain's comm. badge chirped. "Sickbay to the Captain."

"Yes, Doctor. What is it?" The Captain was engrossed in a table of matter vs. antimatter containment and her tone implied a slight impatience at being interrupted.

The Doctor didn't seem to notice. "Captain, I have concluded my analysis of . . . the subject of our earlier conversation. Please come to Sickbay immediately so that I may share the results with you."

"Doctor . . . ," began the Captain, then immediately thought better of arguing with the Doctor while still on the Bridge, where many pairs of ears were listening. She sighed. "I'm on my way, Doctor."

"Thank you, Captain. Sickbay out." Janeway sighed again, then looked at Chakotay with an "I really don't want to do this" look on her face. "Do you mind finishing the Bridge shift alone?" she asked.

"Not at all, Captain," Chakotay smiled at her. "I'll be happy to cover the last few minutes of Bridge duty while you visit with the Doctor."

Kathryn Janeway logged off her computer station, lowered it from sight, and stood from her chair to head for the turbolift. Just as she turned, Chakotay stopped her in her tracks. "By the way, Captain, if the Doctor gets long-winded, please remind him that you have dinner to prepare this evening."

The Captain gave him one of her "drop it, mister" looks, then continued on her journey to Sickbay, with Chakotay smiling to himself long after she was gone from the Bridge.

*

Sickbay was deserted as Kathryn Janeway entered through the double doors. She headed directly for the Doctor's office, where she found him engrossed in his computer screen.

The Doctor looked up. "Ah, Captain. Please. Sit down." He stood and gestured to the vacant chair in front of his desk, and Janeway sat.

Although there was no one else present in Sickbay at all, the Doctor stood and glanced outside his office just to be sure.

"Doctor, what is the problem?" asked the Captain, trying to bring the Doctor's attentions back to why she was here.

"Nothing, Captain. Nothing at all. I just want to be certain we won't be interrupted." The Doctor turned and looked at the Captain. Then he glanced away, took a deep breath, then walked to his desk and sat on the edge, near Janeway.

"If I didn't know better, Doctor, I'd guess you were about to deliver some very bad news to a very ill patient." Her voice was steady, but the Doctor's actions were beginning to unnerve her.

"I apologize, Captain. This is just, well . . . not an easy thing to do."

"Doctor, please get on with it. What is my condition?" Her voice must have betrayed her more than she suspected, because the Doctor suddenly seemed to understand that he was causing her undue concern.

"Captain, you are in perfect health." As the Captain was slowly letting out her breath, he continued. "Except for your poor eating habits, of course. I see no change there . . ."

"Doctor . . ."

"Yes, yes. To continue." The Doctor stood and walked back around his desk, then sat slowly in his chair. "Captain, there is simply no delicate way of saying this. You are carrying a child. You are . . . pregnant. There, now you know."

Kathryn Janeway simply stared at the Doctor. She had never been so shocked in her life. Of course the Doctor was wrong, but about something so simple? It had been a relatively easy thing to determine whether a female was pregnant for hundreds of years now. How could the Doctor even suggest such a thing?

Kathryn forced herself to calm down, take a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"Doctor . . ." she began.

"Yes, I know what you are going to tell me," the Doctor retorted.

"I'm not sure that you do know," she said slowly, steadily.

"Yes. I do. Now please, let me continue." The Doctor took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts, then continued. "Captain, I know that you have not engaged in . . . sexual activities . . . in rather a long time - in a very long time, in fact. And, since the gestation period for a human female's offspring is nine months, I immediately knew without doubt that there was no way you . . . ."

"Doctor . . ." began the Captain, in a voice that spoke volumes.

The Doctor stood from his chair, and continued. "Knowing this, I ran every test known to both man, and EMH, several times. And came up with the exact same outcome every time . . . ."

"Well then, you'll just have to run those tests again, won't you, Doctor." Her voice was calm, controlled. "Or find other tests to run in their place. Because I can assure you that I am not pregnant." With that, the Captain rose from the chair and had nearly reached the door to the Doctor's office, when he stopped her in her tracks with a simple, but sure, statement.

"And I can assure you that you are, Captain."

Captain Janeway turned slowly back toward the Doctor. He held his ground, and looked her in the eye. She stood silent, a litany of thoughts running through her mind, but none that she spoke aloud. And just as she began to tell herself that there was a glitch in his program, she knew that there wasn't.

Kathryn knew that the Doctor would never have called her to his office if he had not been certain of her condition.

Nevertheless, she could not possibly be pregnant. "Doctor, you know that I am not going to believe this without proof." Her tone was even, her words measured.

"I know that, Captain." The Doctor reached behind him and slowly pulled his computer screen around to face the Captain. "That's why I prepared this data prior to asking you to come here. Here is the scientific explanation," he said gently, moving aside to allow Captain Janeway to move behind his desk and sit in his chair.

As she moved slowly towards the Doctor's chair, Kathryn thought absently that she had never sat in his chair before. Strange to think about this now. But, not so strange, either. The human mind fought for its sanity in many ways.

After several moments spent staring at data that ought to mean something to her, she sat back and regarded the Doctor, who was sitting on the edge of his desk, waiting for her to finish. "Why don't you explain this to me in your own words, Doctor," she said quietly.

The Doctor took a deep breath. Now he was on familiar ground, not dealing with feelings, but with fact. "Captain, what happened earlier today is something that nearly defies explanation. But not quite. The reason you fainted after the transport was because the transporter had actually impregnated you with human male DNA. The sudden fertilization of your eggs with this DNA resulted in your bio-nervous system's attempt to reject the action, simply because this process usually takes hours to occur naturally, while in this case the entire process took only minutes, moments in fact. You fainted because your own body was attempting to reject the impregnation."

The Doctor paused, but only for a moment. "After discovering the results of my tests late this afternoon, I contacted Ensign Kim and asked him to look over ship's sensor readings from around the same time that you and the Commander transported back to the ship from the planet. While I didn't explain to him why I needed the information, Ensign Kim reported back to me that while he couldn't be certain, he detected what might have been a spatial distortion, a frequency wave of sorts that, according to his readings, occurred at precisely the same moment you and the Commander beamed back to Voyager."

The Doctor beamed with pride at his explanation. Then he continued, since the Captain had not reacted at all to what he found to be extremely enlightening evidence. His tone was almost reverent when he said, "Captain, what happened to you today was something that had such a . . . slim chance . . . of occurring, it's nearly what was once termed a 'miracle'."

The Captain was so quiet and so still that the Doctor was afraid she had gone into shock. He literally took his medical tricorder from his desk and was about to run a scan, when the Captain stood and looked at him. "I cannot accept that, Doctor. There has to be a mistake."

"But, Captain . . ." began the Doctor, searching his database for a way to convince her.

"You said a 'slim chance,' right?" she asked him, closing the distance between them, and looking the Doctor in the eye.

"Yes, but . . ." he was still struggling to find a way to make her understand.

"How slim?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"How slim is the chance that this could happen?"

"One chance in 820,463,988. But what does that have to do with anything?" The Doctor was still not sure she wasn't suffering from some form of shock.

"If you found one way in over 820 million to prove that I'm pregnant, it should be much easier to find a way to prove that I'm not. Now get to it." And with that, the Captain left the Doctor standing alone in Sickbay, staring at the outer door as it closed behind her.

She was in shock, all right, he thought to himself. She certainly wasn't thinking logically. Best to keep himself activated tonight. Who knew when a dose of reality would hit her and she would be back.

Sighing, the Doctor decided to run some more tests anyway, just to be able to tell the Captain that he had done so. He shook his head. If the Captain were thinking clearly, she would realize he could never be wrong about something so simple. It had been a relatively easy thing to determine whether a female was pregnant for hundreds of years now.

Oh, well. She would be back . . . and he would be waiting for her.

The Doctor turned back to his work.

*

Captain Janeway had never experienced anything remotely like what the past few hours had brought.

Setting the table in her quarters for dinner, she smiled when she thought about what Chakotay's reaction would be when she relayed to him what the Doctor had told her earlier.

Then she stopped suddenly.

She couldn't tell Chakotay. He might actually consider the Doctor's explanation to be correct. Or at least worth consideration.

And it just wasn't possible that she was pregnant. Not only was it completely implausible, but add that slim chance that the Doctor had mentioned before to the fact that it had happened at precisely one of the few times she was alone in a transporter beam with her First Officer, who also just happened to be the only man in any universe that she would want to have a child with in the first place . . .

Just the thought of the total improbability was enough to make her head dance. No, she would wait for the Doctor to come up with something that made a lot more sense than any of this.

But . . . what if the Doctor were right?

The thought nagged at the back of her mind until she forced herself to sit down and consider it.

*

The Doctor was just completing a self-diagnostic (just in case he had a glitch in his system) when the Captain walked into Sickbay in her usual manner, then walked into his office and sat in the chair in front of his desk. After being certain no one else was around to overhear the conversation, she let out a sigh and relaxed her command posture. She was suddenly very tired.

The Doctor merely sat and waited for her to speak first.

"You were running a self-diagnostic?" she asked softly, nodding toward the computer terminal.

The Doctor nodded.

"And I'll just bet you are functioning at 100% proficiency."

The Doctor nodded again.

The Captain nodded, resignedly, in return. Then she looked at her hands in her lap.

Finally, Captain Janeway looked up at the Doctor. "Let me get this straight, Doctor. I beamed down to the planet earlier today on an Away Mission, something that I haven't done for several months. While beaming back to the ship after a couple of hours, while I was in the same transporter beam as my First Officer, again something that hasn't happened in months . . . .his DNA was . . . implanted directly into my . . . into me, in exactly the precise location for fertilization . . . Doctor, do you realize how incredible this sounds?"

"Yes. I do, Captain. But there is no other explanation. That is precisely what happened."

Kathryn Janeway sighed heavily and closed her eyes. The Doctor knew that she was trying desperately to hang onto her sanity. He would have to watch over her very carefully until she accepted the idea that she was pregnant with her First Officer's child.

Finally, the Captain took a deep breath and opened her eyes again, looking the Doctor directly in the eye. "So. This is the only explanation then; there is no other?"

"None."

"Thank you, Doctor." The Captain stood slowly and took a couple of steps toward the door to the Doctor's office. Then she stopped and looked out the glass partition of the Doctor's office and into the main room of the Sickbay.

"And to top it off I'm having dinner with Commander Chakotay tonight in my quarters. How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"Why not explain the situation to him, Captain?" asked the Doctor gently.

The Captain laughed slightly, an amused but disbelieving laugh, then was silent. "I can't do that, Doctor. I need time." She turned to the Doctor, suddenly. "Doctor, I need your word that you won't tell him."

"Of course not, Captain. I understand."

"Good. Thank you." The Captain turned once again to look out the glass partition of the Doctor's office. Tom Paris was administering treatment to a crewman who seemed to have strained his back.

"But I need to remind you, Captain," continued the Doctor. "This . . . child belongs to Commander Chakotay as well as to you. You must consider when a good time might be to . . . tell him."

"Understood, Doctor." She paused, still watching Tom in the other room, but not seeing him at all. "In the meantime, Doctor, I want you to remain activated and find some way to convince me that I'm not dreaming. Or better yet, that I am dreaming. And I will try - hard - not to think about this further until morning." Then she turned toward the Doctor. "Do we understand each other?"

"Yes, Captain," replied the Doctor, in a soft voice. He understood exactly what she was saying.

"Good." Then she sighed. "And I would consider it a wonderful moment in medical history if you can prove your initial theory to be wrong." With that, the Captain left the Doctor's office, and exited Sickbay, without looking back.

The Doctor sighed then, as the Captain had only moments ago. He knew she wanted this to just go away. But he also knew that it wouldn't. He had already tested and retested his initial theory more times than he had ever tested anything. And it was definitely true. She was carrying Commander Chakotay's child.

The Doctor moved to his chair and sat behind the desk. He needed to think about this.

It was indeed a strange thing that this particular incident had occurred. The odds were exactly as he had explained them to the Captain earlier today. But stranger was the fact that it was commonly known how the Captain and Commander felt about each other, and the fact that they had not acted on their feelings for each other had only served to confuse, as well as bring hours of debating pleasure to, nearly all of the Voyager crewmembers.

And sometimes, the Doctor didn't understand it, either. As a hologram who had been granted a subroutine by this very Captain, and had been allowed to evolve into a near "person" himself, he had experienced love as no hologram before him had ever done. He had fallen in love with Danara Pel, the Vidiian scientist and physician, and now he knew the loneliness and sorrow those feelings could bring when a couple were forced apart. But he also remembered the closeness, and the bond of knowing that another being had loved him and been loved by him, as well. He would not trade these memories for anything.

And the Captain and Commander were together, here on this very ship. They didn't have to experience the feelings of losing the object of their love, yet they still refused to allow their feelings to evolve, to become known, even to each other.

Correction. The Captain refused to allow her feelings to evolve. The Doctor knew that the Commander was ready for a relationship with the Captain, and had been ready since nearly the beginning of their time together here in the Delta Quadrant. Why, even a hologram could see the longing in his eyes when he looked at her.

The Captain was the cause of the wall that remained between the two of them. She felt unprepared to deal with more than one full-time occupation at a time, and he sensed that she felt a romantic relationship would detract her from running the ship.

The Doctor knew that Captain Janeway still felt guilty for solely making the decision that had stranded Voyager and her crew in the Delta Quadrant six years ago. The Doctor also knew how guilt - something that could not be seen, heard, nor detected by a medical tricorder - could tear a person apart. He could cite countless case histories about guilt-induced trauma from Voyager's massive medical database.

But there was nothing medically he could do about this situation. It was one of those things that rendered a physician completely helpless. At times like this, Voyager truly needed a ship's counselor.

And when it concerned the Captain of this ship, he knew that there was very little anyone could do to change her mind once she'd decided something.

Also, he couldn't tell anyone. And he couldn't ask anyone for help. As the ship's physician and Chief Medical Officer, he was bound by oath and by duty not to tell others of a crewmember's health concerns, unless it was, in his opinion, a threat to the health of the crew in general. At that point, he would then be obligated to inform the Captain of the vessel of his concerns. Except, in this case, it was the Captain whose health he was concerned about. In which case, he would be obligated to tell the ship's First Officer, who in this case was also involved in the incident, although unknowingly.

The Doctor sighed heavily. He could continue this line of thinking for days and still remain caught in some paradox that would be unexplainable. Any way he looked at it, this was not going to be an easy situation to handle.

Captain Janeway did not like surprises, and this one had caught her completely unaware. The life of the child itself would not even come into consideration until she had dealt with the fact that she was actually carrying a child. And until she accepted that fact, he would need to watch over her carefully.

What she had said to him tonight as she was leaving was true to form for the Captain. He would have to make her believe she was indeed pregnant. He had to find a way to make her accept it in her heart, not just in her scientific mind. He knew how stubborn she could be, and she would deny this pregnancy until he proved to her that she needed to face it.

And the Commander. This situation just became more complicated the more the Doctor thought about it. He knew the Commander would accept this situation much more readily than the Captain, once he was told of it. He was a spiritual man, and did not demand the same answers to questions the Captain's scientific mind did.

Oh, this was not going to be easy at all.

The Doctor stood and walked to the window in his office that looked out over the rest of Sickbay. He watched as Tom Paris cleaned the instruments and put things away after treating the Ensign who had earlier suffered minor back injuries.

Yes, Tom Paris was shaping up as an able assistant, he thought absently, although to acknowledge that to Mr. Paris would certainly be the last thing he would do.

The Doctor turned away from the window. Sometimes he still missed Kes. She was so eager to learn anything new, and to improve on the old.

Suddenly, the Doctor realized he was developing the human habit of wallowing in the agony of a situation instead of simply looking for a way to improve it. He shook his head and started for his desk.

Perhaps his program was evolving too much. He would have to either make a slight adjustment to it or learn to focus on positive thoughts. Hmm. Something to think about another time, perhaps. But tonight he had work to do . . .

*

Captain Janeway was absolutely determined to have a quiet dinner with Commander Chakotay tonight, without incident. The . . . unfortunate . . . timing of her medical situation was not going to stand in the way of the two of them enjoying the evening. They had both been working too hard for weeks now, and she was determined to see to it that they both relaxed and enjoyed the evening together, as friends. She had already decided that those crew evaluation reports could wait one more day.

At precisely 2000 hours, the Captain's doorbell sounded and she allowed Commander Chakotay entry. He brought a small bouquet of delicate pink flowers from behind his back and handed it to her. She looked at him quickly, a look of surprise on her face. It had been a long time since he had given her flowers.

"Thank you, Chakotay," she said softly. "They're lovely." She closed her eyes and inhaled the sweet scent.

Chakotay loved to watch her find enjoyment in simple things. Her eyes danced and she became the Kathryn he had first known on New Earth. He still treasured these moments, and those days

Kathryn's head snapped up immediately, then she said in a low voice, "Lavender. They smell like lavender."

Chakotay smiled. "Really?" he asked, his eyes smiling brightly at her.

She stepped up to him conspiratorially. "I knew you smelled lavender this afternoon on that planet. You didn't fool me for a moment."

"Not even for a moment?" He grinned at her, and his eyes shone with the depth of an emotion greater than mere friendship.

"No." She turned away immediately, knowing that look in his eyes intimately, but not wanting to acknowledge it, as usual. Then, forcing other thoughts from her mind, she turned back to him and her eyes glimmered with the truth of her comment, as she smiled at him, then looked back down at the bouquet of flowers. She had been caught, and she knew it.

Chakotay rarely trapped her in one of these moments and he prized them. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"Well, maybe for a moment," Kathryn admitted, her eyes sparkling. "But only for a moment, mind you." As she looked back up at him she smiled the smile he loved, then walked over to a shelf on the wall and removed a small vase. "But then I saw your eyes," she said as she turned to leave the room. "You can't hide your enjoyment of something - your eyes give you away, you know," she called over her shoulder.

As Chakotay was searching for something to say that wouldn't give him away, he realized that Kathryn had already left the room to put water into the vase, and she didn't actually expect a response to her comment. It had simply been a statement. He smiled to himself.

When she returned, she placed the vase in the center of the table with the flowers in it. "There," she said softly. "It adds a very nice touch to the table, don't you think?" she asked.

Chakotay couldn't speak. He could only look at her and think about how much he wanted to be able to please her with these small things everyday. But he couldn't. Not with the parameters she had set. He would just have to keep finding moments like these every now and then.

Suddenly, Chakotay sensed a change in Kathryn's mood. "What?" he asked, but she turned away.

"Nothing," she sighed. Then she took hold of herself and turned to face him. "I'm just tired," she said.

Chakotay closed the distance between them, and concern filled his eyes. "Kathryn, if you would rather we do this another night . . ." he began, trying to force her to make eye contact with him.

"No." Kathryn shook her head and turned away quickly, moving to the wine glasses she had placed next to a bottle of Cabernet 2243. "I'm fine, Chakotay. Really. It's just been a very long day." She lifted the bottle and offered it to Chakotay to pour. Chakotay moved to take the bottle from her and serve the wine, as he usually did.

He put the conversation aside for the moment, and smiled. "2243. Very good year," he said. Even though Chakotay spoke softly and poured the wine evenly, he kept his eye on Kathryn. She seemed preoccupied tonight, but he couldn't figure out why. He knew she had had a long day, and her dizzy spell this afternoon would have only added to her burden. But there was something more here that he couldn't put his finger on. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he poured the wine. She was staring across the room, out the viewport.

Lifting both glasses of wine, he closed the distance between them once again and handed a glass to Kathryn.

"To a quiet evening without crew evaluation reports," he said lightly. They touched glasses and took a sip of wine.

Kathryn smiled at him softly. "I didn't think you'd mind if we put them off a little while longer," she said.

"Absolutely not," he said. "Especially since B'Elanna's engineering reports seem to be on the top of the pile." He smiled.

Kathryn made a face. "I forgot about that," she said. "Actually, I just felt like relaxing tonight. It's been a long day."

"Yes, you're not accustomed to taking time off Voyager. Perhaps you overdid it today." He seemed concerned.

"Oh, no you don't!" she said, moving away from him to sit on the couch. "I enjoyed every moment of that fresh air and sunshine! It was the best part of the day!" Then her eyes clouded over, and she looked at the glass in her hand.

"What is it, Kathryn?" he asked softly, moving to the couch and sitting a few inches away from her.

"I was just thinking about seeing the Doctor in the morning. I have never fainted in my life, Chakotay. It was a strange feeling."

"I can understand that. He didn't have any answers for you this afternoon then?"

"Hmmm? Oh, you know the Doctor. He has answers for everything; he just needs more time to prove them," she said lightly.

But Chakotay wasn't convinced. "Kathryn, I know you. And there's something you're not telling me."

Kathryn forced herself to look him in the eye. "Chakotay, in the Doctor's very words, I am in perfect health." Chakotay sighed with relief. And before he could ask another question, Kathryn continued. "And I will see him in the morning regarding the results of those tests. Now, let's talk about something a bit more interesting, shall we?"

The duration of the evening went by quickly. Chakotay enjoyed spending time with Kathryn. But something wasn't quite right. He caught her in more reflective moments than usual, and she wasn't as quick to laugh this evening. He quickly realized she wouldn't discuss it with him, though, making poor excuses for her less than customary attention span instead.

Well, he would wait until morning. Somehow he knew Kathryn's mood had something to do with the Doctor and her fainting spell this afternoon. He had a sense of foreboding, but he pushed it as far away from his thoughts as he could manage.

But tomorrow couldn't come soon enough for Chakotay . . .

*

The following morning at precisely 0700 hours, Captain Janeway walked briskly into Sickbay, and directly into the Doctor's office.

Tom Paris was cleaning instruments across the room and watched her as she shut the door to the Doctor's office. He shook his head to himself; she looked determined to get whatever this was about over with quickly. He couldn't blame her. The Doctor was often long-winded and Tom knew from experience that the Captain didn't appreciate being detained from her Bridge duty.

The Doctor had been working on some kind of research for the Captain most of the night. Tom had no idea what it was about, but it wasn't unusual for the two of them to hypothesize about scientific experiments, and the Doctor would sometimes even test the Captain's theories on her behalf when she had too many other things needing her attention.

Today, though, the Captain seemed pretty determined about something. But then, she always seemed determined. It was tough to tell about her. Tom sighed and shook his head again, turning back to his work. He had to finish this quickly and get to the Bridge himself. The Captain would be in no mood to forgive his lateness today, that much was for sure.

After closing the door, the Captain sat in the chair opposite the Doctor's desk. "Well, Doctor, do you have something for me?"

The Doctor had been sitting at his desk for hours, just waiting for the Captain to arrive this morning. He had fussed and tested, re-tested and then started over again. Finally, at about 0400 hours, he realized that there was only one way to deal with the Captain on this particular matter. She was a scientist by trade, and by nature. She needed facts and proof, and it had to stare her in the face and be indisputable.

And so the Doctor had changed his tactics, even realizing as he did so that the Captain would not like these results any better. But she would accept them.

This time the indisputable facts would certainly be staring her in the face.

Without saying a word, the Doctor reached over to his computer monitor and punched in a code. Then he turned the monitor around so that it faced the Captain directly.

The room was quiet, and neither the Doctor nor the Captain said a word. There was no need. But the look on her face spoke volumes.

The Doctor watched his Captain as she looked at the screen, her stubborn refusing-to-believe look slowly replaced by complete understanding, complete acceptance. There were no questions, nothing needed to be said just now.

After a few moments spent staring at the screen, Captain Janeway stood from her chair in front of the Doctor's desk. "Thank you for your diligence, Doctor," she said crisply. "I'll get back to you." The Doctor nodded at her slightly, understanding completely. Then she turned and left his office, and Sickbay, with the same purposeful stride with which she had entered. He had to give her credit. She was professional through and through. And her voice had remained strong and steady even though his proof was not the proof she had wanted.

As the Captain left Sickbay, Tom Paris glanced up. Whatever that was, it hadn't taken long, but the Captain's mood didn't seem to have improved any since she first arrived. He had to hurry more than ever now in order to make it to the Bridge on time.

The Doctor turned the computer back around so that it faced him once again. He sighed, as he watched the fetus move within its mother's body. There was no mistaking that this was a human child.

The Doctor had spent nearly three hours last night increasing the size and patterns of the scans he had taken of the Captain's abdomen the afternoon before, just a short time after she had conceived the child. Even with all the technology at his disposal, it had taken time and careful programming to recalibrate the current size of the fetus scan so that it could be seen by the human eye.

Sitting back in his chair, the Doctor touched the security key on his computer and his screen went blank. He had been successful. He had proved to the Captain that his findings were accurate. Now it was up to her to take the next step.

*

The first couple hours of the morning Bridge shift passed uneventfully, and slowly. Tom Paris had made it to his station with less than a minute to spare today, and was he ever glad he hadn't been late. He had been right; whatever was bothering the Captain earlier was reflected in her manner on the Bridge. Everyone was working quietly, feeling the tension in the air.

Tom couldn't figure it out. Everyone knew that the Captain and Chakotay had had dinner together last night. But they seemed fine with each other today, even though they weren't speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. No, whatever was bothering her had nothing to do with Chakotay. That was good; at least they weren't fighting.

It was always easy to know when they were having problems - the air would be charged with electricity, and they would be short with each other. Today, they were very civil. Today, the Captain just seemed preoccupied and . . . and what. As much time as they had all spent together over the past years, Tom couldn't remember the Captain being in quite this sort of mood before. He shook his head to himself; he just couldn't quite get a handle on it.

Chakotay was trying to figure out the Captain's mood, as well. She wasn't upset exactly. She was very agitated, though. And in a pensive, reflective mood as well. It was difficult to get her attention, and when he did, she was short in her response.

Chakotay felt his stomach begin to twist into knots. It had to be something she had learned from the Doctor this morning. Something was wrong with her that the Doctor couldn't cure. He closed his eyes briefly, searching for his sense of peace. Whatever it was, they would face it together.

Suddenly, the Captain lowered her computer terminal and stood. "I'll be in my Ready Room, Commander," she said, as she headed for the door. Chakotay nodded; he didn't trust his voice to answer her properly.

As the door slid shut behind her, the tension on the Bridge disappeared as well.

But Chakotay didn't notice. He was trying to calm his beating heart and reach that sense of peace that was still eluding him.

Moments later, Chakotay felt a little better. He decided to give her an hour to come to grips with whatever was bothering her, and then he would go to see her. She might not like it, she usually didn't like it when he interfered, but it was his duty as First Officer to see that all was right with the Captain of the ship. At least that was what he told himself, and told her, when it was necessary. But they both knew in their hearts that he could never put his concern for her aside. And it had nothing to do with their professional duties.

Chakotay noted the time on the chronometer, then turned back to the duty roster on his display screen.

*

Kathryn sat at her desk and pulled her computer terminal closer to her. She had so many reports to muddle through and she simply couldn't concentrate. And on top if that, B'Elanna was concerned about a warp core situation that could potentially become a very big problem if something weren't done about it soon.

She knew that her moods directly affected the entire Bridge crew on a day-to-day basis, and she knew that she wasn't being successful in hiding her silent, and somewhat sulky, mood today. But, damnit, she just needed some time to think.

She sighed heavily, rose from her chair and headed for the replicator. "Computer, coffee. Hot and black." By the time she reached the replicator, the coffee was waiting for her.

Kathryn crossed to the viewport and watched the stars streak by. They were currently moving at Warp 4. She and Chakotay had been trying for days to find the time to plot the course for the next several weeks, but other ship's duties and distractions were making it difficult for them to find the time to meet.

Sighing again, Kathryn thought of Chakotay. What would he say when she told him? How would he react?

She didn't want to face this; she knew she was trying to put it out of her mind and deny the facts. But this morning the Doctor had shown her what she had needed to see in order to believe his words. She was carrying a child. And not just any child, but her First Officer's child. If this situation weren't so serious, she would laugh. She turned and sat on the couch under the viewport, holding the cup of coffee between her hands to warm them. She suddenly seemed to have caught a chill.

Occasionally she still thought of having a child, but lately she was resigning herself to the fact that she would never have one, would never know the experience of motherhood. She wasn't getting any younger; Q had been right about that. And for some time now, years actually, she had known in her heart that if she ever were to have a child she would want it to be Chakotay's.

Kathryn suddenly felt a shiver run up her back, and stood. She began to pace the room slowly, holding the cup of coffee in her hands. This was the first time she had ever admitted that she wanted Chakotay's child, even to herself. It had always been a feeling before, some knowledge she had possessed in her heart, and in her soul, but not in her mind.

When had it happened? Kathryn slowed her pace, forcing herself to open that locked door of her mind, the door that she always kept bolted firmly in place, for whenever it was opened she was vulnerable, and she came away hurting. And she had no time for hurt; she had to get this ship and her crew home safely, no matter how long it took.

New Earth.

The mere thought of those two words nearly took her breath away. When was the last time she had brought those memories out of hiding? It had been a long time. She and Chakotay hadn't mentioned New Earth in a very long time, at least not to each other. It was true that sometimes they referred to something that had happened on New Earth, or things they knew about each other as a result of being there together, but they were always indirect references. She never had to stop and think about it. But sometimes, she still saw that look in his eyes. Sometimes . . .

Sometimes when he didn't think she noticed, he would stare at her as she read a report, and she would pretend not to see the look that came into his eyes. It was the look that he had begun to give her just before Voyager returned to New Earth for them. It was a look of want, and need. A look that said he never wanted them to be apart.

Well, truth be told, she no longer remembered what life was like without him. She had meant it when she had told him that, just before they had encountered the Borg over two years ago. It had been a moment of weakness, though, to tell him. She had realized too late that her words would only serve to give him hope again . . . and she couldn't afford to give him hope. Not until they were safely back in the Alpha Quadrant.

Oh, but that look . . . just the thought of it made her heart quicken. It was always difficult to act as though she didn't notice when he looked at her that way. She noticed, though. And she felt the power of their attraction in some way every day. She had just become very good at deceiving both Chakotay and herself, at pretending the attraction wasn't there.

Suddenly it occurred to her that maybe Chakotay saw right through her, too. Maybe he could read her as well as she could read him. And maybe he even noticed her watch him at other times. She stopped pacing and closed her eyes. Of course he could read her! That man even knew what she was going to say before she said it. He knew her moods. He would certainly be able to read the desire in her eyes.

'Oh, no . . . .,' she moaned to herself. She was so tired. She returned to the chair behind her desk and sat her coffee cup down in front of her. This was usually her most comfortable place to be. The Captain's chair in her Ready Room. It didn't feel so comfortable today. Today, she wished she could just be a woman, in love with a man whose child she was carrying.

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she quickly shook her head to clear her mind. She had no time to dwell on feelings of "what ifs."

But she couldn't help thinking that she was pregnant with Chakotay's child without having had the pleasure of actually conceiving that child. 'Stop it, Kathryn,' she scolded herself. 'What's done is done; now what are you going to do about it?'

Her reverie was cut short as the door chime sounded. She sighed once more and looked at the chronometer. It had been an hour since she'd come into her Ready Room. That would be Chakotay, checking up on her.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She used every ounce of will-power she had to put her current condition out of her mind. There was simply no way she was going to let him see into her eyes and know that something was wrong. She had to clear her state of mind.

After only a moment, Captain Janeway opened her eyes, ready to greet her First Officer. Starfleet training certainly came in handy at times.

She actually managed a small smile as she called, "Come."

Chakotay entered and stood before her desk, padd in hand. "Here's a copy of next week's duty roster, Captain. I thought you might like to look it over before I post it."

Kathryn took the padd from his outstretched hand. Chakotay tried to maintain command composure, but she could tell that he had noticed the small smile on her lips before she'd managed to make it disappear. Damnit.

"Is there anything else, Commander?" she asked, looking him directly in the eye.

Chakotay knew she was giving him the opening he needed to inquire about her mood this morning. But he had certainly noticed that little smile and the twinkle in her eye upon entering her Ready Room. He wasn't expecting her mood to have changed so abruptly. He knew Kathryn Janeway, and she didn't give up her bad or melancholy moods easily.

"Yes. I was just wondering why you were so . . . quiet . . . on the Bridge this morning?"

"Quiet, Commander?"

She wasn't going to make this easy for him even if she had given him the opening to question her. "Yes. Contemplative, maybe. I was just wondering if there's anything wrong, or if I can help in any way."

Her Angry Warrior was once again offering to lift her burdens.

Kathryn suddenly had a lump in her throat, and she pulled her eyes away from him quickly.

"I'm fine, Chakotay. I've had several things on my mind this morning, and I'm afraid I haven't done a very good job of keeping them to myself. But there's nothing you can do to help me, I'm afraid." She swallowed hard and forced herself to look him in the eye once more. If she didn't, he would know something was wrong for sure and continue to question her. "But thanks for asking."

Chakotay nodded. She was good at putting the professional demeanor into place quickly, he would give her that. But he knew that something was still wrong.

"I was also wondering what the Doctor said to you this morning."

"What do you mean?" she asked, just a little too quickly.

"You were going to stop and see him first thing this morning." She continued to look at him. "Kathryn, you fainted yesterday, remember? The Doctor ran a series of tests, and you were going to see him about the results this morning."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay," she sighed. "My mind is traveling in a thousand different directions, and all at once. Yes, I saw the Doctor this morning." She suddenly stood and began shuffling through the stack of padds on her desk.

"And?"

"And . . . all the facts aren't in just yet, I'm afraid. I'm going to see him again in a little while, and . . . I'll speak to you about it afterward."

"I see." But he also saw that Kathryn wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Well, if there's nothing else, Commander, I have plenty of work to do."

"Of course, Captain." As Chakotay turned to leave the room, he glanced over his shoulder a final time and saw that Kathryn had moved to the viewport to stare out the window. Odd, since she had so much work to do.

*

After Chakotay left the room, Kathryn sank down onto her couch.

Now what?

She was pregnant with her First Officer's child. And they had never had a physical relationship at all. How was she going to tell him? What was she going to do about it? What could she do about it? She sighed.

He knew she hadn't told him everything, too; she could see the questions in his eyes. And she had thrown him out of here as quickly as she could, before he could possibly ask her more questions. Sometimes being the Captain was handy. And sometimes it made life nearly unbearable . . .

Obviously, she would need to see the Doctor again and ask his advice. He would lay out the very same options she already knew existed, but he would also be able to tell her some things she didn't already know. He could tell her if she were still able to carry a child. And what if there was something wrong with the child? This thought suddenly struck her. The child was certainly not conceived in any proper manner; what if there was something wrong with it? Him? Her? No, she wasn't ready to consider this . . . being . . . a person yet. 'It' would do just fine for now.

And this was Chakotay's child, too. How much right did she have to make decisions regarding a child that belonged to them both?

She had to tell Chakotay. Whatever decision there was to be made, he had to be a part of it.

But, gods, if they couldn't agree over how to handle a situation with the Borg, how could they possibly agree on issues regarding a child?

And it wasn't just having this child, getting through the initial process of bringing the child into the world. What then? What about raising the child? What about making decisions together about the child's future?

Oh, gods . . . what future? What if they never got home . . .

Never got home? She hadn't considered this as an option before; she certainly wasn't going to now!

And what was she doing anyway? Actually considering having this child? How could she possibly have a child and captain this ship at the same time? And weren't these some of the questions she had already asked herself long ago when she had re-defined those parameters for Chakotay after they had first returned to Voyager from New Earth?

If she couldn't handle a relationship with the man she loved while serving as Captain on this ship, how could she handle parenting a child and being Captain? And what would Chakotay say? How would he feel about this?

And what about the two of them, together? What would become of their relationship now?

Suddenly, the world seemed to spin and Kathryn closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She would not do this; she would not allow these thoughts to control her. She had to slow down and take things one step at a time.

Taking another deep breath, Kathryn worked to clear her mind. She had to see the Doctor.

When she felt better, she left her Ready Room. As she headed for the turbolift, she quickly informed her First Officer that she would be in Sickbay with the Doctor if he needed her.

As she left the Bridge, Tom Paris wondered what in the world would prompt the Captain to meet with the Doctor twice in one morning, and Commander Chakotay was again wondering what was wrong with her that she wasn't telling him.

*

"Those are your options, Captain. Carry the baby to full term, allow another human female to carry the child in your place, abort the fetus or have the fetus surgically removed and stored in a stasis tube." The Doctor was once again sitting at his desk, while the Captain paced the floor in front of him.

"I don't like any of those options, Doctor."

"I understand, Captain. However, I cannot invent new ones."

Kathryn stopped at the window that looked out over Sickbay, and closed her eyes briefly. She just wasn't in the mood for the Doctor's acerbic wit today, but she also realized that it was his way of dealing with things he felt emotional about. As a physician, he could not allow his personal feelings to interfere with his medical oath. He must put his patient first.

She sighed. This is what she got for allowing the Doctor's program to be upgraded with personality sub-routines so that he could evolve. But she also knew they had all reaped more rewards from it than not. They all appreciated and respected the Doctor much more today than when he had been merely an emergency medical holographic program.

It seemed so long ago now since he had been just an EMH. Where had the time gone?

And it had been so long since she had taken a vacation from Starfleet. Funny, she had always taken vacations when she was required to, but not because she had felt the need for rest. Today, she would gladly rest. Oh, how she desperately needed to rest.

"Captain . . . ?"

Kathryn turned to face the Doctor. "I'm sorry, Doctor, I wasn't listening . . ."

"I understand, Captain," he said in an uncharacteristically kind voice. "Please. Sit down." He motioned to the chair in front of his desk.

Suppressing a small smile, she did as she was asked. Not many people aboard this ship would have asked her to sit. But then, not many people on this ship had her undivided attention as the Doctor did just now. And he knew it. And she knew that he knew that she knew it.

"Captain," began the Doctor, in a gentle voice. "I suggest that you do nothing until you explain the situation to Commander Chakotay. This is a decision you should make together. This is not your responsibility alone."

"But it is, Doctor. The wellbeing of everyone aboard this ship is my responsibility. And the decision regarding this child's future will be mine ultimately, as well." She looked the Doctor directly in the eye, knowing what his response would be.

The Doctor actually sighed. "In this case, Captain," he said carefully, "you may want to consider that, although this . . . pregnancy . . . did not occur in the usual way, the child is still genetically a by-product of the compilation of your genetic structure as well as the Commander's genetic structure."

"In other words, Doctor," the Captain said, "even though the Commander and I have never had sexual intercourse, the resulting pregnancy is the same as though we have had."

"Well . . . in a matter of speaking, yes," agreed the Doctor. "But I can vouch for the fact that you haven't engaged in this sexual activity together, and I will certainly make note of that in the ship's medical logs," he finished, pleased to be able to set the matter straight for inquiring minds.

"An Immaculate Conception . . ." the Captain muttered, under her breath.

"I beg your pardon?" asked the Doctor.

But the Captain was no longer listening to him. "None of that matters, Doctor." She took a deep breath, stood, and walked back to look out the window over Sickbay. "But you're right. The Commander has to be told about this." The Doctor sighed silently in relief, as Kathryn Janeway added softly, "But how do I explain it to him when I don't understand it myself?"

He paused momentarily. "Captain, this child belongs to both of you. And no better understanding of the biological or of the scientific process by which it was conceived will make it any easier for either of you to accept the fact that this child exists. You must believe that part of it with your hearts."

Kathryn turned from the window and looked at the Doctor. "You're right, Doctor. But I'm having a bit of a problem with that. You see, I have a ship with a crew of nearly 150 people that I have promised to get home." Her eyes showed the strength of her determination, something that the Doctor still admired about her. She looked out the window again, and into the main room, without actually seeing it.

Finally, she continued. "This journey has already taken nearly seven years, Doctor, and we are only half way back to the Alpha Quadrant." She was quiet again, but the Doctor knew she wasn't finished with her thought. "And it has taken its toll on me, Doctor."

She swallowed hard, determined that her voice not betray her. "I don't know if I have the stamina to make it through the rest of our journey without having to eventually relinquish command, Doctor, and that's an admission you aren't likely to hear again. Nor am I likely do admit it to anyone else." She turned to the Doctor, and he nodded at her solemnly. Her voice was strong again when she continued. "But if I am to get this ship home, Doctor, I am virtually certain I cannot do it and have a child to attend to at the same time."

"Ensign Wildman . . ." began the Doctor.

"Oh, please, Doctor, don't you think I have thought about Ensign Wildman and young Naomi? Doctor . . . Ensign Wildman is damned good at her job, but she doesn't have half the responsibility on this ship that I have."

"No, she doesn't," the Doctor quickly interjected. "I was going to say that she has plenty of help in caring for her daughter."

"Doctor . . ."

"And she is a single parent, Captain. Surely the fact that your child's father is also aboard Voyager is a solace." But the Captain was silent again, and turned away from the Doctor. The Doctor stood, wanting to go to her, but knowing there was nothing he could do. "Captain, you are not alone."

Suddenly, Captain Janeway turned toward the Doctor. "What did you say?" she whispered the words.

The Doctor looked at her, wondering if he had said something different from what he had intended to. "I said . . . you are not alone, Captain," he repeated softly.

And at that moment, the Doctor saw something he hadn't seen before: There were tears in his Captain's eyes. She turned away as quickly as she had turned toward him, but not before he had glimpsed the moisture in her eyes.

"Captain . . ." he began, not knowing what to say, but feeling he had to find some words of encouragement nonetheless.

"It's all right, Doctor," she said softly, her back still toward him. "I'm fine."

She closed her eyes. Years ago, her Angry Warrior had promised her he would always be there to help carry her burdens. And after that, when they were readying the ship to encounter the Borg, he had told her she wasn't alone. She had felt so alone then anyway, when he had disagreed with her orders, and sometimes she didn't appreciate his pointing out her fallacies to her, even though it was his job. But in the end he had once again proved to her that she hadn't been alone.

And no matter what nightmares they had encountered since then, Chakotay had kept his word to her. She had not felt alone again.

So why couldn't she trust in him now? Why couldn't she trust that he would be here for her now?

She sighed, glad that the Doctor was giving her some room to breathe.

And then she realized that it wasn't Chakotay she questioned; it was herself. Chakotay would not continue to search for the scientific answers for this pregnancy as she was doing. He would ask questions, yes, but then he would accept this child as his. As theirs. He would want this child. She knew that in her heart, didn't she? But she hadn't really wanted to confirm that, not yet. She wasn't finished asking 'why' yet, not willing to accept this yet - while he would soon be wanting to celebrate this new life inside her.

Her heart stopped. Celebrate. Yes, he would want this child. If he was willing to risk everything for a child that Seska had told him was his, to rush out in blind faith that she spoke the truth, then he would certainly want a child that belonged to him and to the woman he . . . she stopped. This was where she always stopped, wasn't it?

She knew he loved her. 'Be honest, Kathryn,' she told herself. 'The time for burying the truth is past.' Her First Officer had been madly in love with her for years. And she loved him just as much.

But he couldn't know. She could never tell him. Not while they were stuck in the Delta Quadrant, still nearly 40,000 miles from home, child or no child.

No matter what they decided to do about . . . their current situation . . . Chakotay could not know how she felt about him. That would really complicate matters! No - they would both have to consider all the possibilities very seriously and make a decision that was based on the best possible outcome for everyone.

And, if another truth be known, she didn't want to relinquish the full responsibility for making the decision, whatever it was to be, either. She was used to being in control, in charge of every situation that affected her. And she wasn't sure how good she would be at sharing a decision-making effort. Well, she was just about to find out.

She actually smiled to herself. It was a small, wry smile, but it felt good.

"Doctor," she said aloud, realizing that it had, indeed, been some time since either of them had spoken.

"Yes, Captain?" he responded softly, knowing that the reality of the situation was somehow finally becoming apparent to her.

"I think we should summon Commander Chakotay to Sickbay," she said in a strong voice, but with a hint of sadness in her tone.

*

"Commander Chakotay," came the Doctor's voice over Chakotay's comm badge.

"Yes, Doctor," he responded.

"Could you please come to Sickbay?" he asked. The Doctor didn't say 'immediately,' and Chakotay knew that the Doctor was trying not to give anything away, but Chakotay had detected an underlying anxiousness in the Doctor's voice anyway. He sighed inwardly. In a few minutes he would know what was wrong with Kathryn, and now he wasn't so sure he wanted to know. If anything happened to her . . .

"I'm on my way," replied the Commander, and broke the link. He stood purposefully and strode to the turbolift, acknowledging Tuvok on the way.

"Your Bridge," he said to the Vulcan, who nodded slightly in response. Even though they didn't agree about everything, Chakotay was glad Tuvok was discreet. He was sure Tuvok was wondering what was going on, but he would not ask before he was told. And Chakotay knew that to this day, Tuvok's respect for his Captain and friend, was unquestionable.

As the turbolift doors slid closed, Chakotay allowed himself to relax his posture. He ordered the computer to direct the turbolift to the appropriate deck, then closed his eyes, searching for his Center, his sense of peace.

Chakotay's eyes sprang open as soon as the turbolift doors opened, and he walked purposefully down the corridor, heading for Sickbay. He had not been able to collect his thoughts, nor had he been able to find his sense of peace. Kathryn was his peace. And until he knew that she was all right, he would not be able to find the comfort he sought.

As he reached Sickbay, Chakotay unconsciously took a deep breath and steadied himself for what lie ahead. He walked through the doors and into Sickbay, but saw no one. He stopped, then saw the Doctor working with some instruments in the back of the room. The Doctor met his gaze, then nodded toward the office.

Chakotay continued to the Doctor's office. The door was slightly ajar, and he knocked as he entered. Kathryn was seated behind the Doctor's desk, staring intently at the computer screen in front of her. When she saw Chakotay, she pushed a button and the screen went dark, then she nodded at him to come inside.

The Commander sat in the chair opposite the desk, as the Captain had done earlier.

Kathryn stood, walked to the door and closed it. Then she returned slowly to her chair. She seemed to be searching for a way to proceed. This unnerved Chakotay more than he would allow her to see; Kathryn Janeway never searched for words.

"I take it the results of the Doctor's tests are in," he said evenly. He would get things started then, if she couldn't.

But Kathryn just looked at him blankly.

"The test results? The reason you fainted yesterday?" he couldn't believe she was behaving this way. "Kathryn, this is what we're here to discuss, isn't it?"

Kathryn's blank look disappeared quickly. "Yes," she said, looking down at the desk in front of her.

Chakotay sighed. "Just tell me," he said softly, trying to put her at ease. Whatever it was, he needed to know. Then they would get through this together, just as they had gotten through everything else together for seven years now.

She glanced up at him, allowing their eyes to meet briefly. Then she looked back down at the desk again. "It's not that simple," she said quietly.

"Kathryn, whatever it is, we'll deal with it. We'll get through this. Now tell me." His words were soft-spoken, but firm.

Hearing those words of concern and absolute devotion, Kathryn forced herself to raise her head and look him straight in the eye. She would not look away again. "I'm going to have a baby," she said as gently as she could.

Dozens of emotions crossed Chakotay's face in mere seconds. As Kathryn watched, it suddenly occurred to her that he actually thought . . .

"Wait, Chakotay," she began, standing from the chair. "Before you . . ."

"Who?" That one word held so many unsaid words, so many emotions.

"Chakotay . . ."

"Who, Kathryn?" He stood from the chair and looked at her across the desk with such raw pain that it took her breath away.

She walked quickly around the desk to him. "It's not what you think, Chakotay. I . . ."

"Just tell me who." He wouldn't turn to her. "Who do you care about in a way that you were never able to care for me?" His pain nearly broke her heart.

"Chakotay, listen to me. Just listen a moment." She watched him breathe deeply, staring straight ahead. "There is no one, Chakotay. There has never been anyone . . . else." She had added that last word intentionally, and maybe she shouldn't have, but it was the truth. And now was the time for truths, up to a point, whether she was prepared to share her feelings or not.

Now Chakotay turned to look at her. "Who is the father of your child, Kathryn?" he asked as dispassionately as he could. But Kathryn saw that there was a quiet storm gathering in his eyes, and one so strong she felt herself begin to back down; she had never seen him like this before.

Gathering herself together, she hung onto her command posture, knowing that she needed it now as much as she ever had. "Chakotay, listen to me." He continued to look into her eyes without really seeing her. "You are the father of my child."

Finally, when his eyes had begun to clear and Kathryn recognized the man before her as her First Officer, she let out the breath she suddenly realized she was holding, and relaxed her stance. "Chakotay, sit down. Please," she said softly, gently. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he sat, mostly from habit since nothing was making any sense to him right now.

Kathryn walked back around the desk and sat in the Doctor's chair once again. She took a deep breath, then looked across the desk at Chakotay.

Finally, he spoke. "I don't understand, Kathryn," was all he could manage.

"I know," she said. "It's no easier for me." She felt somewhat better, however, seeing that he was returning to himself. She sighed. Trying desperately to sound factual and completely unemotional, she continued. "It seems that when you and I transported back from the M-class planet yesterday, something happened with the pattern buffers at the exact moment of the transport. You are now missing some DNA, and I seem to have gotten it. In fact, it was transplanted directly into my uterus, Chakotay. The Doctor assures me that I am indeed pregnant. With your child."

Chakotay shook his head, trying to register what she was telling him. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he couldn't respond at all. Finally, he closed his mouth again, and leaned back in the chair. He rubbed his face with his hands.

"Won't work," she said.

"What . . . ?" he managed to ask.

"I've tried to deny it as well. But the Doctor keeps reminding me that it won't just go away."

Chakotay stood and walked over to the same observation window Kathryn had looked out of earlier today. Finally, he spoke. "Now what?" he asked simply.

"That's up to us. But first, I'd like the Doctor to explain the situation to you just as he has to me. I think it's important that we both understand exactly what happened, and go forward from there." She paused, waiting for him to say something. "Agreed?" she asked softly, leaning over the desk.

Chakotay nodded, still looking out the window. Kathryn stood, walked to the door and opened it. "Doctor?" she called outside, then stood aside as the Doctor came into the office with a smile on his face.

"Well," he said, testing the atmosphere. "Can I answer any questions?" he asked, trying to move things forward.

"Doctor, Chakotay and I would like you to explain to him what transpired while he and I were in the transporter buffer, just as you explained it to me" the Captain replied evenly.

"Certainly," responded the Doctor, pleased to be able to do something to relieve the tension in the air.

And as the Doctor explained the situation to Commander Chakotay, the Captain watched the exchange from across the room. Chakotay was still shell-shocked, but he was nonetheless doing much better than she had been at this point. Mostly, the Doctor explained and Chakotay nodded, but he managed to actually ask a question on two different occasions. And they were even coherent questions, Kathryn thought to herself.

Then as the explanation progressed Kathryn noticed that Chakotay was listening more intently to the Doctor's words.

Finally, the Doctor finished his recitation. Chakotay looked at him. "And, is Kathryn all right? Nothing's . . . wrong with her? Did she come through this without difficulty?"

The Doctor glanced quickly at the Captain, but she remained focused on her First Officer.

"Yes, she's fine, Commander," replied the Doctor. Both the Doctor and the Captain realized that Commander Chakotay was still not completely himself even though many people would not be able to detect it; he would never have referred to his commanding officer as 'Kathryn' unless he wasn't thinking properly. No one acknowledged his oversight, though.

Kathryn listened to the Doctor explain to Chakotay why she had fainted yesterday. Basically, the impact of the Commander's DNA being transported directly into her system without going through its usual course had thrown her system out of whack.

Chakotay nodded. Kathryn watched his expressions, his acceptance coming closer and closer to the surface. In a sense, she was mesmerized.

"And what about now?" Chakotay was asking. "Is . . . the Captain able to carry this child?" His voice was beginning to falter, but the Doctor jumped in to rescue him.

"Commander, are you asking whether the Captain is physically able to carry this fetus to full term?" asked the Doctor gently.

"Yes," answered Chakotay softly, looking down at his hands.

The Doctor glanced at the Captain, silently asking her permission to continue. This was, after all, her health issue they were discussing now. The Captain didn't take her eyes from Commander Chakotay, but she nodded nearly imperceptibly for the Doctor's benefit. Yes, he could feel free to discuss what he knew with her First Officer, and the father of her unborn child.

"As far as I can determine with only the initial scans I have performed, yes. The Captain has kept herself in good condition," he said, then added for the Captain's benefit, "and except for her poor eating habits and her constant need for caffeine, she is doing quite well." He glanced sideways at the Captain, and she didn't even acknowledge that she'd heard him, but of course she had.

"And that is something we can discuss further . . . another time," he concluded lightly, also for the Captain's benefit, just in case his comment wasn't sitting well with her. "Meanwhile," he continued, getting back to the real issues at hand, "I will need to run a complete bio-physical scan, and then I can give you better information with regards to the Captain's physical condition, as well as that of the fetus."

Chakotay nodded. "When?" he asked.

"Well, as soon as possible," the Doctor answered. "First thing in the morning, if the Captain is available . . ." he finished.

"She'll be available," said Chakotay. Then he looked at his Captain. "I'll cover Bridge duty in the morning." Then just as Kathryn was about to put her foot down and tell them both who exactly made the decisions around here, Chakotay added gently, "We all need as much information as possible, Captain. We need to know that you are all right, and that it is possible for you to carry this baby to full term. We need to know all we can in order to move forward from here."

Just as Kathryn opened her mouth to retort, she closed it again, then nodded. What he said made sense. They needed all the facts.

"Thank you, Kathryn," said Chakotay softly. Then he moved a bit closer to her and she saw the tension in his face, knowing immediately how much this had taken from him. He was doing the best he could.

"Then if you don't mind, Captain," he said, "I'd like to take tonight off from catching up on those crew evaluation reports." Then his voice changed from Commander to friend. "I need some time to myself," he added softly.

Kathryn looked into his eyes and saw the exhaustion, and the questions, that remained. She nodded. "I understand," she said. Gods, did she understand.

He nodded, then turned and left the Doctor's office, and then Sickbay.

As soon as the Commander had gone, the Doctor turned towards the Captain. "Well! That went well, don't you think?" But the Captain just stared at him in response.

Chakotay walked automatically down the corridor to the turbolift, asked the computer to direct the turbolift to the deck where his quarters were located, left the turbolift, crossed the corridor and entered his quarters, without remembering any of the actual journey.

Kathryn Janeway left the Doctor's office shortly afterward, and took her own journey to her own quarters.

Neither of the commanding officers remembered much about the rest of the evening, except that they were both deep in thought, the Captain in her quarters, and the Commander in his.

Near midnight, the Captain decided to take a warm bath, the only thing she knew of that could relax her without fail. She soaked in the tub for forty-five minutes with her favorite scented oils that Tuvok kept her supplied with, trying desperately to seek solace, peace of mind. But finally, failing at relaxing both her body and her mind, she rose from the tub, dried herself off and headed for her bedroom, grabbing her robe as she went.

Reaching the bedroom, Kathryn discarded her towel in the recycle bin, then caught sight of herself in the mirror. She still had a decent figure, and for her age, her breasts were still high and firm. Her stomach had never been completely flat, but neither had it ever been round.

And she had never had a lover who didn't appreciate the way she looked. She sighed heavily and sat on the edge of her bed. Now what? Would her stomach grow big and round, and her breasts sag? Would she never feel in shape again?

'What's wrong with me,' she thought suddenly. Only a few hours ago she had been wondering about whether she was ever going to experience motherhood, and now she was concerned about her figure.

She stood and opened the drawer of her nightstand, searching for a gown. She found a long silk deep blue nightgown at the bottom of the pile. Nothing Starfleet about this one, she mused. Well, that had always been one of her little ways of feeling like a woman every now and then, when the Starfleet lifestyle threatened to overtake her completely. She'd wear a silky nightgown to bed. She laughed to herself. Something so simple, yet it had often helped her to remember who "Kathryn" really was.

Pulling on the nightgown, she checked herself again in the mirror. Not bad, she thought. Then she suddenly stopped and caught her breath, remembering something she had filed away in the recesses of her mind.

It must have been two or three years ago . . . she had felt so tired that evening and had gotten ready for bed early that night. She had taken a sonic shower instead of soaking in the tub in order to get into bed as early as possible, knowing she had the early shift the next morning. She hadn't heard the door chime ring. Chakotay had let himself in with his command override code, worried about her and knowing that she hadn't felt well that day.

They had met suddenly in her front room, he heading for the bedroom to check on her, and she, hearing something from the front room, and venturing forward to see what the sound had been. They had met nearly head-on, and had fallen back from each other, gathering their wits about them.

Kathryn had worn only a pale beige nightgown that evening. She had worn nothing underneath it, she had been barefoot, and she'd worn no robe. Nothing except that sheer pale beige silk nightgown.

After they had recovered from their near collision, they had laughed together. And then they had both realized how she looked. She suddenly felt vulnerable, nearly naked. And the look in Chakotay's eyes told her she wasn't being unreasonable feeling this way. She had even felt her nipples become erect, knowing that he was looking at her in that way, and wishing with her entire soul that she could take that one literal step forward and pull him to her.

She closed her eyes and remembered the feeling vividly. He had looked at her as though he could look through the very fabric of her nightgown. They had both been uncomfortable for a moment, but then Chakotay, behaving as the perfect gentleman he was, had excused himself and left.

Kathryn sighed. Maybe tonight was the perfect time to wear a sexy feeling nightgown again. She still looked pretty damned good in one, she thought to herself, then shook her head ruefully. What could it possibly matter now, came a second thought, just behind the first one.

Kathryn pulled the fresh sheet back from her regulation Starfleet bed and crawled beneath the covers. "Lights down," she said in a soft voice, and turned onto her side.

She thought of Chakotay. What was he thinking about tonight? He was probably meditating, she thought, and asking the spirits of his ancestors to guide him. Well, it had to be better than her evening.

Kathryn Janeway turned onto her back and pushed the sheet down to her waist. She suddenly felt warmer, but she knew that the temperature hadn't changed in the room. The temperature was programmed to be the same throughout the ship. No, it was her perception. She was tired and afraid to think about very much at all right now. She closed her eyes, willing sleep to come.

Meanwhile, the Captain's First Officer lay on his own Starfleet issue bed. He had tried several times to meditate, but he couldn't clear his mind enough to do so.

Why was it that everything the Doctor had said seemed so crazy, yet made perfect sense at the same time? And the craziest part of it was the absolute near impossibility of something like this ever happening. What was it the Doctor had said? Chakotay closed his eyes and visualized the number. 820,463,988. There was such a slim chance of something like this occurring that the odds were only one chance out of 820,463,988.

Chakotay opened his eyes and sat on the edge of his bed, knowing that sleep would not come for him tonight.

One chance out of 820,463,988. Maybe it was destined that they would never make love. They wouldn't have to. They could even have children together without having to commit to the act of procreation, he thought to himself, and shook his head. Win one, lose one.

Sighing, Chakotay moved to the replicator, ordered a cup of herbal tea and sat in the chair in front of his work desk. The tea was made from an old recipe, one that his father had taught him to replicate. It had been handed down in his family for many generations, literally hundreds of years. He found himself wondering if he would one day teach it to his child . . .

He shut his eyes tightly and leaned his head back against his headrest. Usually he found tranquility here, in this chair at his desk, but tonight he only felt loneliness.

Kathryn . . . was she asleep? No, he knew she was having as much trouble finding peace as he was tonight. Yet they couldn't find peace with each other on this night, either. Tonight, they had to do their thinking alone. He asked himself no questions, and searched for no answers. He knew the questions and answers would come soon enough. Right now he just had to find acceptance in what the Doctor had told them both. And something told him that this would be the easy part.

He had watched Kathryn's eyes, and her movements, as the Doctor had explained the entire situation to him. She didn't miss a thing, not Kathryn. She had watched him, looking for signs of his denial or acceptance. Looking for an answer. Oh, he knew there was a part of her that was still in denial, but she would come to terms with it soon enough. She was nothing if not resilient. After all, as Captain of Voyager, Kathryn's burden was heavier than his own, and he was certain that, knowing her, she had not taken the Doctor's initial explanation very well.

He actually smiled to himself then; the Doctor was between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Kathryn would be looking to him for explanations and guidance, yet she wouldn't want to hear what she didn't want to believe. Chakotay had been in that predicament with her before, and more times than he could count. This time he was on what was hopefully Kathryn's side of the issue. Now his smile disappeared. But how could he know that for sure? With Kathryn, there were often last minute surprises. No matter how hard he tried to be prepared for her changes in direction, she still managed to pull the wool over his eyes every now and then.

Finishing his tea and placing the cup in the recycle bin, he moved to his bed once more. He had to find a way to get some rest, if not sleep. He had the early shift tomorrow, and he had to cover Bridge duty for Kathryn while she visited the Doctor in the morning.

He would ask Tuvok to run the battle simulations they had been discussing lately. He smiled to himself, knowing that this was the best way to keep Tom Paris occupied. His overactive imagination would surely overpower his piloting abilities if there was nothing else for him to concentrate on. Well, Chakotay planned to keep him very busy tomorrow morning.

Finally, at about 0300 hours, as Captain Kathryn Janeway lie sleeping in her bed, tossing and turning restlessly, her First Officer lie in his own bed, still trying unsuccessfully to reach the spirits of his ancestors. He moved in and out of sleeplessness and tried desperately to find his measure of peace.

But his peace was Kathryn . . . it would always be Kathryn . . . and he knew she would be restless tonight as well.

*

The next morning, Voyager's top two commanding officers arose early, took sonic showers, put on their Starfleet uniforms and replicated themselves two cups of coffee each, prior to forcing a calm and usual exterior and heading individually to the mess hall for a quick breakfast.

They certainly couldn't afford to have people notice that something was wrong. Rumors spread quickly on a lost starship, and right now they didn't need any sort of speculation about something being out of the ordinary. The Captain and her First Officer needed time to take care of matters themselves first.

Entering the mess hall, the Captain immediately spotted Chakotay at a small table in the corner, as she headed toward the food counter. He was alone. He expected her to join him as she did every morning. And she knew he was right. Things had to appear normal at all costs right now. She sighed inwardly, glad that he had thought to keep up appearances.

After putting several items on her plate, the pink thing being at Neelix' insistence, she also took the large mug of coffee he offered her and headed for the Commander's table.

"Commander," she said in her best Captain's voice, as she approached.

"Good morning, Captain," he responded, rising to assist her with her food tray.

Both sat again, and both wondered who was going to speak first.

"What's the pink thing?" Chakotay asked her finally.

Kathryn actually smiled. The look on his face was worth carrying the thing over here for. "Who knows? Neelix tells me it's terrific. And since it's so large, I suggest we share it." She immediately placed her napkin on her lap and began to cut the item in question with her knife.

"Uh, no thanks, Captain. I am quite full, thank you. I've had plenty to eat."

For a moment or two, it was nice to believe that all was well, and that nothing was out of the ordinary. Kathryn took a small bite of the smooth pink fruit-y looking object, then smiled. "Actually, it's not bad. It's a cross between a pear and a butternut squash." She took another tentative bite.

"Kathryn, a pear is a fruit and a squash is a vegetable."

"Your point?" she asked.

"Well, it's just . . . difficult imagining those two tastes combined." Then suddenly he looked at her and saw the smile in her eyes. She handed a small piece toward him.

Chakotay took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "All right, I'll try it," he agreed, taking the proffered slice of the pink thing. He tasted it, then nodded slightly. "You're right, it isn't bad," he agreed.

Their eyes met then, really for the first time since they'd sat together.

Chakotay saw the tiredness behind Kathryn's eyes, the slight set of her jaw that always warned him when she hadn't slept well the night before, and the small lines that appeared next to her eyes when she was exhausted. It always amazed him that they were only apparent at those times, but completely disappeared under normal conditions.

And Kathryn noticed the dark circles under Chakotay's eyes, knowing that he hadn't slept either. And his mouth didn't have the usual readiness to smile at her comments this morning.

"Tough night?" she asked softly, dropping her eyes to her coffee cup as she took a sip.

"Yes. You too?" She nodded, but didn't look at him for a long moment.

Finally, Kathryn looked up and met his eyes. "I'm sorry, Chakotay," she whispered gently.

Surprised, Chakotay asked her, "Sorry about what, Kathryn?"

"That this happened." She looked away again. "The last thing we needed on this journey was a . . . situation like this one to deal with. Involving us. Something that, no matter what happens, or what decision we make, will affect us for a long time to come, probably forever."

She hadn't looked at him while she spoke the words, and Chakotay knew how difficult it was for her to say them.

"Kathryn," he risked covering her right hand with his left momentarily. They were near the wall and no one would be able to see him hold her hand unless they walked directly up to the table. She looked up at him, but didn't move her hand.

"Kathryn, we'll get the test results from the Doctor, then discuss our options. Right now, all I know is that we are in this together. We have been from the moment it happened during that transporter beam, and we will be until a decision is made." He paused a moment, looking at the table so as not to allow his emotions to show. "And yes," he continued in a stronger voice and met her eyes once more. "This will be a new part of our experience together, whatever that may be. And we'll get through this the best way we can. Together, remember?"

She felt the tears threaten her resolve and pulled her hand from his gently, as she moved to pick up her coffee cup. "I remember," she replied softly.

They sat in a companionable silence for a few moments, glad that their first conversation today hadn't been more difficult.

"Well," she said with as much brightness as she could muster. "I guess I'll just go see the Doctor and get this over with." She stood just as Chakotay smiled, then hung his head, hoping she hadn't seen it.

Leaning over the table toward him, she said in a low voice, "I saw that, Commander. And you know how I deal with paybacks . . ."

But he couldn't look at her - the smile just wouldn't go away. "I don't envy you, Kathryn. You know, the Doctor always loves to get his hands on the Captain . . ."

Kathryn shook her head in dread and made a low sound in her throat Chakotay grinned, then suddenly thought of something else and looked up at her as she finished her last sip of coffee, and put the empty cup on her tray. "By the way, if you feel the ship buck or slip a bit while you're in Sickbay, don't worry."

"Oh?" she asked, suspiciously.

"Have to keep Paris busy this morning," he replied.

"Understood," she said, putting on a slow smile of her own. Then her voice held a more serious promise, "I'll talk to you later, Commander," she said, reaching over and squeezing his arm lightly. Anyone watching wouldn't think anything about it. After all, their Captain was a touchy-feely sort of person.

Chakotay nodded, as their eyes held. They both knew what that conversation would be about. But they were in this together; their fates were sealed, in a way.

The Captain exited the mess hall as the Commander stood and collected their trays. As he took them to the recycle bins, he looked around the room. Everything looked to be quite normal and no one seemed to have noticed anything unusual about the Captain and Commander's conversation this morning. Chakotay sighed. Good. He left the mess hall and headed for the Bridge.

*

Kathryn Janeway entered Sickbay and went immediately to the Doctor's office. "Good morning, Doctor. Let's get this over with, shall we?"

The Doctor looked at his chronometer. "Well, good morning! I should ask the Commander to schedule all your future appointments, Captain. You are actually five minutes early today - a landmark moment."

"Don't push it, Doctor. Now where do we begin?" She was anxious to get this underway and over with as soon as possible.

"Very well. Let's move into the back room, Captain. We'll have complete privacy there." They left the Doctor's office and moved into the room off the back that few people ever had reason to visit.

"Now, please remove your clothing and put this on." He handed her a thin flimsy garment that closed in the front with a drawstring. The Captain took it from him, and gave him a 'you're kidding' look.

"I am very serious, Captain. I need to examine you thoroughly. You have five minutes to comply." He left the room, as Captain Janeway stood thinking that the Doctor had been spending far too much time with Seven.

The Captain sighed deeply and closed her eyes. 'Patience, Kathryn,' she told herself. She began to take off her uniform, then her boots, and when she had discarded every item of clothing she had put on this morning, she tried to figure out how best to wear the slight covering that she'd been handed. Finally, she wrapped it around herself and belted it tightly. Then she sat on the biobed and waited for the Doctor.

She didn't wait long. He returned, pushing a tray with several pieces of medical equipment on it. Kathryn sighed and lay back on the bed. Somehow this promised to be a long day, too.

*

After much poking and prodding, scanning and examining, the Doctor declared that he was done with the testing.

The Captain sighed, then stood and waited for the Doctor to leave the room so that she could put her uniform on once again.

When the Doctor turned and saw that she was waiting for privacy, he said, "Really, Captain, I have just seen everything there is to see, as if I haven't seen it before . . ."

"Nevertheless, Doctor, I would appreciate some privacy just now," she said.

"Oh, very well," he replied, exasperated. He pushed his tray of instruments out the door and shut it behind him.

Kathryn let out her breath. She needed this time to herself. She had succumbed to the Doctor's every demand for over two and a half hours. It was all she could do to maintain a calm demeanor for this length of time. She was not a patient person, by nature, and she was so exhausted to start with today. Oh, yes, this was going to be a very long day indeed.

After dressing, the Captain entered the Doctor's office where he was searching the computer screen for information. "Am I released for Bridge duty now, Doctor?" she asked, officially.

"Yes," replied the Doctor, and the Captain started for the door. "By the way, how do you feel?" he asked, as an afterthought.

The Captain turned to face him. "How do I feel, Doctor? After what I have been through this morning, I am quite sore, and I feel as though my body has been invaded. And I don't mean by Commander Chakotay's DNA." But her tone of voice was lost on the Doctor.

"Hurrmph," replied the Doctor, returning to his terminal. "Well, you should feel much better in a couple of hours. Commanding the officers on the Bridge, and dealing with Mr. Paris' charming personality, should take your mind off a few aches and pains."

She shook her head, then asked more seriously, "Doctor, when might I hear something from you?"

The Doctor looked up at her and sat back in his chair. "Later this afternoon, Captain. Today's examination was mostly routine for this sort of thing. But I did take a few additional tests. The physical requirements for a Starfleet Captain, lost in an unknown sector of space with no Starfleet assistance, and carrying a child, are a bit tougher than for someone with lesser responsibilities, after all."

Captain Janeway nodded slightly. "Thank you, Doctor," she said in a gentle voice as she walked out the door. In his own way, he had just told her that he understood and appreciated her concerns.

The Doctor remained staring a