AFTER THE MIND GAMES ARE OVER

They walked in silence back to her quarters, surprisingly encountering no one along the way. Still, they did not touch, but maintained correct distance. It didn't matter. They were as connected as if they walked with their arms around each other. When they stood before her door, she took his hand as she keyed in her code with her other hand.

Once inside, they turned and looked silently at each other. She dropped his hand and stepped close to wrap her arms around his waist. He closed his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against his body. A small sound of pain came from her that drew him back enough to see her face. One hand came up to cup her cheek. "Kathryn?"

She turned her face to kiss his palm and gave a small wry smile. "My breasts are a little sore."

Chakotay saw in his mind Kashyk biting at her as he pounded roughly into her. He had no doubt her breasts were sore, and other parts of her, if not already, would be tomorrow. "Are you all right?"

She knew he meant more than just physically. "I'm fine, as long as you're okay."

He saw the concern in her eyes for him. There was no sense not being honest: she'd know soon enough. "I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm okay. I'll just spend most of tomorrow in my office, if you don't mind, so I don't have to try to sit all day in the bridge chair." He could imagine the looks he'd get from Tom at his futile attempts to find a comfortable position. He said her words back to her. "I'm fine, as long as I know you're okay."

She shook her head at him. "We both have the day off tomorrow." At his questioning look, she explained. "Tuvok is anxious to get back to regular duty after spending so much time in transporter suspension, so I've asked him to take the bridge tomorrow." She looked like she would say more, but she slid out of his arms and stepped away. "I need a shower."

He wondered what was going on in her mind, but just replied, "So do I. I'll go back to my quarters and -" He never had a chance to finish.

"No!" She grabbed his hand again. She felt almost a sense of panic well up within her at the thought of him not being with her. "Just grab a change of clothes and come right back, okay? Please?" she added in a whisper.

He knew in spite of her reassurance that she was not all right - he'd heard the anxiety in her tone and had seen the sheen of tears in her eyes before she'd looked away again. "Kathryn, I'm here for you. What is it?" He tugged on her hand, drawing her back around to him.

She finally looked up at him as one tear trailed down her cheek. "That's just it. You were there for me. I know that's why you agreed to this evening, to protect me." She pressed her lips together and took a shuddering breath. She couldn't talk so she just whispered again, "When he told me what he wanted, I tried to persuade him to take just me. I was so afraid he'd hurt you."

Her tears were coming in earnest and he brushed them away. He shook his head ruefully. "Kathryn, we are a pair. I'll be fine as long as you're okay. You'll be fine as long as I'm okay. You're right - I went because I wanted to protect you, and you didn't want me there in order to protect me." He touched his lips to hers. "What do you think that says about us?"

She looked up at him with a watery grin. "That we love each other?"

He lowered his forehead to hers. "I do," he murmured.

"And I do too," she whispered back.

He drew away again, "I'll go get my things."

She still hadn't let go of his hand. "You'll come right back? Promise?"

He nodded and smiled gently at her, "Promise."

He returned with an old comfortable pair of sweats and a T-shirt wrapped around a small mess kit, and used his override to re-enter. She was nowhere to be seen. "Kathryn?"

"In here."

The words seemed to be not just information on her whereabouts but an invitation, so he cautiously stepped into her sleeping quarters. He'd never been there before. He had a general impression of neatness, except for the pile of clothes on the floor. She was wrapped in a pink satin robe and already had the water running in the shower. She handed him a couple of towels and a wash cloth and took the same for herself, then dropped the robe and stepped into the enclosure. She looked back at him and indicated with her head that he should join her.

He quickly added his clothes to the pile and took the wash cloth and the supplies he needed from his mess kit and entered the steamy shower. She was already standing under the spray, head back, eyes closed, allowing the water to flow over her. She was tiny, perfect, delicate looking. Almost fragile, had it not been for the taut muscles in her arms, abdomen, and legs that were visible when she moved. He frowned at the sight of the teeth marks already showing around her nipples. The purple marks stood out, ugly against her creamy white skin, and he knew the bruising would be worse tomorrow if she didn't get them taken care of. In spite of it, she was beautiful.

Her eyes had opened and she moved to share the streaming water with him. Her warm hand touched his chest. "You're beautiful, Chakotay."

He smiled down at her. "I was just thinking that about you."

They began their own cleansing, making no attempt to hide their bodies nor their glances from one another. He got distracted enough that he forgot to take extra care when washing between his cheeks and hissed at the contact of the soap and wash cloth. Her head snapped around to him, but she said nothing.

She finished first and stepped out. When he turned the shower off and exited, he found her with one towel wrapped around her hair and already drying her feet with the other. As he began toweling off, he saw her eyes on his discarded underwear on top of the pile of clothes. "Are you bleeding?" she asked quietly.

They had both used Kashyk's bathroom before leaving the visitor's quarters so he knew his condition. Still, he tried to mitigate it. "Really only bruised."

He saw her lips press together and she wrapped the towel around her, tucking it in at her breasts. Without a word she walked out of the bedroom. He could hear her at the replicator. She returned in a moment and stood before him. "Will you let me do this?

He looked down and saw a dermal regenerator in her hand and knew what she wanted to do. He touched his fingers to the skin just over the towel at her breast. "If you'll let me do this."

Kathryn nodded her head and handed the regenerator to him. He undid her towel and it fell to the floor. As he passed the instrument over the bruising, watching with satisfaction as the marks disappeared he inquired, "How did you get this? I thought medical instruments had to be authorized by the doctor."

"Being the Captain comes in handy. Although I'll have to answer to him tomorrow, I'm sure."

"What will you tell him?"

She grimaced, thinking of the confrontation to come. "I'll think of something."

The slight grin on his face as he handed the regenerator back to her told her he was thinking the same thing. "You could always tell him the truth." He moved to lay down on the bed on his side facing away from her. He let his top leg drop forward.

Kathryn knew he was trying to keep her distracted from what she was about to do. She knelt beside the bed and touched his hip. His buttocks had very strongly defined muscles that she would have appreciated under any other circumstance. She pressed his cheeks open with one hand. "Somehow I don't think that's a good idea," she replied to his statement. She sucked in a breath at the sight of the deep redness of the bruised flesh and the tiny spot of blood. She mentally ordered herself, 'Turn your mind off, Kathryn. Just do it. Don't think about who or why.' She turned the regenerator on and began. She continued through gritting teeth. "After all, we know what a gossip the doctor is." She finished and stood up. Her hands were shaking.

Chakotay turned over and saw her struggle for control. He reached for her hand and tugged on it until she sat beside him where he still lay. Their nakedness made the moment even more intimate. "Kathryn," he reassured her, "I'm okay. It could have been a lot worse, and in fact, I expected that it would be." He looked at their joined hands and then back at her. "He planned on hurting us, you know. Both of us."

She nodded. "I know. But something changed him."

He studied her face. "It was us - you, actually. The way you shared your pleasure openly with me."

"It was our love."

"Yes."

They regarded each other gently, tenderly. The dermal regenerator had done its job and her breasts were almost completely normal color again. He touched the underside of one softly. He dropped his hand at her small gasp and frowned, "Still hurt?"

Kathryn shook her head and took his hand to cup it lightly under her breast again, holding it there with her own hand. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, letting him feel the weight of her breast as it fell forward into his hand. Their kisses were soft, light touches. When she straightened up, she let her hand fall away while asking, "Would you like some food?"

They dressed in what she termed 'comfort clothes' and lay on their sides on the living room floor, eating 'comfort food' of soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. She'd replicated some of her mother's caramel brownies for their dessert and the plate lay between them. They couldn't seem to stop touching each other, like a dam had been burst open. A hand, a shoulder, hip or waist, a cheek, fingers sliding through hair.

"Do you trust him to keep his promises, Kathryn?" There was no question who was being referred to.

"Now, yes. You don't?"

He brushed a brownie crumb from the corner of her mouth with his thumb. "Mostly yes, but not totally. If you'd asked me 12 hours ago, I'd have said not a snowball's chance in hell."

She nodded. "I'm still taking precautions."

He looked at her, surprised, "You are?" She'd given the impression of trusting the Devore inspector implicitly. "Dare I ask what?"

She looked a little smug, "Using his own information on how to leave a false trail."

Chakotay looked at her with admiration. "Sneaky. I like it."

She stood to go to the replicator. "Would you like tea or coffee?"

He considered and answered, "Actually, I wouldn't mind a glass of wine."

She looked back at him, surprised. "Really?" She knew he hardly ever drank.

He shrugged and grinned at her, "Why not?"

She smiled back, "Why not, indeed. Although…" she paused, considering. "I'm not sure what kind of wine is appropriate with soup, grilled cheese and caramel brownies.

He laughed. "I'll have white."

"White, it is then."

When she returned to lay beside him again, they chinked glasses. "To the future," he murmured.

"To our future," she answered. Her words were a balm to him. While he didn't really think she was planning on putting all this behind them and returning them to status quo in their relationship, it was a relief to know for sure.

Kathryn regarded him, knowing what was on his mind. "Chakotay, did you really think I would turn us away now?" She ran her finger along his lower lip and quoted his own words back at him, making him smile. "Not a snowball's chance in hell, buster. I've got you now and I'm keeping you. So there."

He couldn't stop his grin, "Fine by me."

They quietly sipped their wine for a few minutes. "I wonder what he's doing now," Kathryn pondered.

"Probably wondering what we're doing." Chakotay realized he was prying, but asked anyway. "Kathryn, have you ever had more than one partner at a time like that before?"

Her expression became reflective. Somehow it didn't seem strange at all to be sharing such details with him. "Once. Many years ago, shortly before I met Justin. It was my birthday, and my roommate took me out bar hopping with a bunch of friends. Eventually we made it home, just me, her and her boyfriend. We'd all had way too much to drink and when she asked me if anything had been missing from my birthday, I said, yes, sex. She said something like, they could fix that."

Chakotay tried to imagine a young, inebriated Kathryn in that kind of a situation. "You and your roommate's boyfriend?"

She took another sip of wine and nodded. "The three of us."

He had to ask. "How was it?"

She shrugged. "I only have hazy recollections, like out-of-focus pictures. My only time with a woman and I can barely recall it."

"What happened afterwards?"

"We all woke up the next day with terrible hangovers and went back to being friends. Nothing changed between us."

"You continued to keep in touch with them?"

Her expression became sad. "They were both killed at Wolf 359."

He touched her cheek. "I'm sorry, Kathryn."

She shrugged again and took another swallow of wine. "What about you?"

"What? Oh. Yeah, a couple of times." It was his turn to be reflective. She wondered what he was seeing behind his eyes that were inwardly gazing.

She knew she was being nosy, but asked anyway. "Same combination?"

"Both."

Her hand was on his hip. "So," she knew what she wanted to ask, partly curious, partly seeking reassurance, "you've had sex like that before?"

He knew what she was asking. "Yes. You?"

She shook her head. "No. Not like that."

He realized she was wanting more assurance of his welfare. "If it's done right there's no pain, and in fact, can be incredibly pleasurable. Of course, if it's not, it can be horrendous. At least Kashyk used lubrication, although I suspect that was more for his benefit than for mine. Kathryn," he took her chin in her hand, making her look him straight in the eye, "I really am okay."

Her cheeks tinged pink. "Every time he pressed into you, it pushed you into me. It was like I was feeling what he was doing. I could see his face over your head, could feel his hands on your shoulders. He looked…" she paused.

He was very still. "He looked how, Kathryn?"

"He looked surprised," she concluded.

He thought of how they had parted with Kashyk at the door of his guest quarters, both kissing him good-bye. "It's ironic, isn't it?" he mused.

"How so?"

"A brutal man from an intolerant brutal society, full of fear and prejudice, should be the instigator of finally bringing us together. Odd to think that I have him to be thank for this."

Her smile was beautiful. "I love you, Chakotay."

"I love you, Kathryn."

"Let's go to bed."

They slept naked in her bed, constantly in contact with each other, even if just shoulder to shoulder or a hand on a waist. Even in sleep it was as though they could not bear to be disconnected. When Chakotay arose next morning and redonned his sweats, Kathryn was already up. Toast, fruit, coffee and juice were on the table, so he took a seat. He barely felt a twinge.

"Ah, there you are. I was just going to wake you." She bent to kiss him, and he filed this precious memory away. "Sleep well?"

"Yes, thanks. You?" At her nod, he inquired further. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, actually. I sat in the bathtub for a while this morning."

He smiled at her over his juice. "Ah, yes. The cure for all the woes of the universe."

"You never know. Soaking in a bathtub could be the key to stopping all kinds of wars and conflicts. Speaking of which, the telepaths are safely gone, Kashyk and his team are gone and pretty soon so will we be." She checked the chronometer. "We should leave Devore space in a little over an hour.

He sighed. "So far, so good, but I'll be a lot happier when that happens."

"You and me both." Kathryn wiped her hands on her napkin. She wrinkled her nose. "Oh, and I had my discussion with the doctor."

"And?"

"About what you'd expect. However, the academy teaches you how to how to withstand interrogation and I've been a guest of the Cardassians, so I can certainly handle any uppity hologram."

"What did you tell him? Or did you just delete his program?" he grinned at her.

She grimaced. "I wish, but we need him, the pompous…well, never mind. I told him that it involved our guest the Inspector and that I was unable to explain further."

"Evasive maneuvers."

"Exactly. So about today…"

"Yes?"

"I just happen to have a whole lot of holodeck time and I was wondering if you'd consider showing me your home on Dorvan or Arizona. I'd also like to show you Indiana too. You've never been there have you?"

"Yes. And no." He laughed as her coffee mug paused in midair in confusion. "Yes, I'd like to show you my home, and no I've never been to Indiana."

They spent the day learning more about each other, their quiet periods of conversation joined by comfortable spaces of silence. Always they were in contact with each other, whether or not they were touching. They were left blissfully uninterrupted, although they both had their communicators with them, except for a tiny chirp on Kathryn's early on. It was Tuvok's signal that they had left Devore space. Kathryn spent a delightful hour watching Chakotay sitting silent and still on a rock in the Arizona desert. She too found it odd to be grateful to Kashyk for the blossoming of their relationship and sent him a thought of thanks. She laughed inwardly at the idea that he who feared and hated telepaths might actually hear such a mental message from her.

After dinner back in her quarters, Kathryn took Chakotay's hand from where it lay on the table. She smoothed the tendons on the back of his hand, turning it, studying it, the rough calluses on the palm and fingers. It was a large hand, capable of power and tenderness, just like its owner, a man of many layers, many depths. Her hand looked small and white against his golden tone. Such a beautiful man, inside and out. She smiled at him quietly. "Let's go to bed."

He knew this time she didn't mean to sleep, at least not yet. Now they would learn each other in a new way, just the two of them forging a bond that would link them for life. He stood and blew out the candles on the table. In her bedroom, he was happy she felt free enough with him to ask him to undress her and then to request the same privilege of undressing him. Quietly, slowly, they touched, explored and learned each other's body. The spiraling of delight swirled around them, fingers, lips, seeking, finding pleasure points, receiving and giving.

Chakotay was determined she would know no discomfort this time, and used his lips and tongue on her throat, then her breasts, tenderly arousing them to peaks. He explored her body, sliding down her to minister to her in gentleness. As he knelt between her legs, mouth poised just above her center, she murmured to him, "I was so glad it was you first yesterday." He lowered his head, pleasuring her, stroking her lightly, bringing her up, as the spring slowly tightened within her. She arched her neck and head back, crying out as her release swept over her.

He rose up over her body, looking down at that beautiful face, now flushed, and felt the breaking of a reservoir within him. He loved her, would always love her. His heart, his soul, his life were all in her hands. Her eyes had opened and she looked up at him with tender concern.

"Chakotay, what?" She brought a hand up to touch his face, and it was his first realization that he was crying. How to express to her all that was in his heart? It would take a lifetime. Or more.

"I love you, Kathryn." His voice was husky. "We are one. My life is complete because of you and only you. You fill me. You make me whole."

"Oh, Chakotay." His words brought tears to her eyes. She did not deserve such devotion but was glad of it. "Please, love, I need you now."

He slid slowly into her, grabbing for control to take time, letting her adjust to him, carefully trying to sense any discomfort on her part. When he was fully inside, they stayed still, savoring their oneness.

Her arms wrapped around him, holding him to her. "I'm yours, Chakotay. Never doubt it. Everything, all yours." They began to move together, slowly, then quicker, breaths accelerating with pounding hearts, until, shuddering, they both cried out each other's name in climax.

They lay quietly side by side, observing each other, their touches soothing. He laced his fingers with hers. "Tomorrow we're back on duty." He watched her eyes and saw something flicker there.

She looked away with a sigh. "Yes. Everything will be the same, but everything will be different."

Chakotay knew that was true, but wanted to hear her thoughts on it. "How do you see that?"

She was quiet for a long time, looking at their joined fingers. "Well, we'll still be the same professionals that we've always been. And my feelings for you really aren't any different than they were before."

He was gratified to hear that but knew there was more. "But?"

She sighed again and finally looked him in the eye. "But, it feels like now I have a lot more to lose if something happens. After Justin and then Mark, well, if I get a little paranoid at times about this relationship, you'll help keep me on track, won't you?"

He knew she trying to be brave and deal with her uncertainty, both of them knowing the very real dangers of their jobs. After her losses, there was probably a whole landscape of emotional mines they would have to navigate one day at a time. He reassured her with a gentle smile, drew their linked hands up and lightly kissed the back of hers. "You bet."

Sometime later Kathryn lay spooned in front of him, her back to his chest. She seemed totally relaxed, her breathing very even, and he wondered if she'd drifted off to sleep. He idly stroked her arm, down over her small waist and hip, to slide his hand around over her flat stomach. A picture flooded his mind and engulfed him so strongly that his hand stilled. He saw her stomach swollen, rounded, as she labored to push their child into the world with a gush of blood and fluids. The cry of mother and child seemed to fill his ears. Just as suddenly, the picture was gone and after a moment, he began to stroke her soft skin again.

The hand that came up to hold his in place told him she was awake. "I was wondering," she began.

He could tell from her tone of voice that she was teasing. He kissed her shoulder. "Just what were you wondering?"

Her thumb stroked over his. "Oh, I was wondering if we should name our first son after Kashyk."

In spite of her bantering tone, he was startled. It wasn't possible that she had seen the same picture, was it? He mentally shook himself. "No, I don't think that's a good idea." As though to emphasize the point, he lightly bit the same spot he had just kissed.

"Ouch. Why not? After all, he did bring us together." He could hear the smile in her voice, so he leaned over her. Sure enough, although her eyes were closed, there was a small smirk on her face. He nipped her earlobe and then traced his tongue around it. She shivered.

"Because, Kathryn," he murmured in her ear, "how would we ever explain to the poor child how he came by that name?"

The End

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