THE BEGINNING OF THE FUTURE

My first fanfic. Please be kind.

We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

"Another false alarm!" Captain Janeway exclaimed. "How many does that make now?"

"Three that we know of," Chakotay replied.

"That baby is as stubborn as its mother!"

"Care to place a bet in Harry's pool on date and time?"

Janeway tried to look at him disapprovingly about the unstoppable betting on the ship, but caved in. "Put me down for next Friday, 2300 hours. Anything else?"

"Crewman Chell has offered to take over the mess hall full time. I have a sample menu here from him." He handed over the PADD and took a seat on the couch near her at her indication.

"Neelix left some pretty big pots and pans to fill," she commented as she looked over the menu. "I wouldn't mind trying Chell's 'red alert chili.' How about some lunch?" She looked up at his face in time to see his smile disappear.

"I would really like to, but I have an previous appointment." It appeared to be something he was not looking forward to. "Could I get a rain check?" At her nod, he moved as though to rise, but stopped. "Kathryn, I…" He seemed uncharacteristically hesitant. "If this appointment goes as I anticipate, I would appreciate meeting with you later for some advice. Could we plan to have dinner together?"

Janeway always enjoyed every opportunity to be with Chakotay, even working meals. "Absolutely. My quarters, 1900 hours?" She briefly laid a hand on his arm and he gave her a grateful grin. As she watched him exit, she wondered what could be weighing so heavily on those broad shoulders.

When Commander Chakotay entered Cargo Bay 2 and saw the scene before him, he groaned inwardly. It was as bad as he had expected. Seven sat on a checkered tablecloth with a picnic basket beside her. "What's this?" he inquired.

"The database indicated that this was an appropriate third date." Try as he might to keep his expression neutral, he must have given something away, because she looked at him uncertainly. "However, if you are uncomfortable with this, I can prepare something less elaborate."

He sighed. How to do this and not hurt the young woman's feelings, not humiliate her or stop her attempts to continue to grow? There were occasional times - fortunately not often - that he hated his job. This was one of them. "Actually, Seven. We need to talk."

The former Borg looked up at him with even greater uncertainty, so he squatted down near her, but could not bring himself to sit on the brightly colored cloth.

"When you asked for my help with social situations, I was expecting that you were looking for advice, not looking for a dating relationship." He saw the beginning of distress and embarrassment in her eyes, and despite the guilt, forced himself to forge on.

"Please understand, I think you are becoming a fine woman, and your progress since coming onboard this ship has been nothing short of remarkable. It's a great credit to you that you are continuing to push yourself to grow and to expand your knowledge and experience into new areas." He hoped that wasn't treading on thin ice and glanced at her. She seemed to be taking it okay, so he continued.

"I'm willing to give you advice and pointers in various social situations, but I cannot, in good conscience, actually date you. I don't have those kinds of feelings for you, and I admire you enough that I don't want you hurt. I would like to be your friend, though. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Seven considered his words. "You see yourself as a friend and a…" she paused and looked for the right word, "mentor to me. Similar to Captain Janeway." At his nod, she looked with some embarrassment at the picnic trappings around her. She stood abruptly. "I'm sorry, Commander for this…" Again, she seemed at a loss for words. "It was my misunderstanding. I will remove all this."

He cut her off with a hand wave. "Don't be embarrassed, Seven. I also misunderstood what you were looking for, so it is equally my fault. However, it would be a shame to waste what looks like a great lunch. What do you say?" he gestured back to the picnic basket.

She almost smiled in gratitude. "I suppose it would be a waste. I am certain the replicator has done a better job than the mess hall could possibly provide." It was small, but Chakotay recognized it was an attempt at humor. She continued, "And I could certainly use a…friend." Although she had hesitated over the word she did lower herself back to the cloth and reached for the basket.

"If I could encourage you with one more thing before we eat, Seven?" He wanted to finish this part of the conversation.

She tilted her head, "Yes?"

"I think the Doctor would be a good place to continue your 'social studies.' He's been a good friend to you from the time you arrived onboard."

Her eyebrow quirked, and she thought for moment before replying, "Your first piece of advice, Commander? I shall take that under advisement."

Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
Wonderful journey

Later, Seven was in Astrometrics, playing a long distance game of kadis-kot with Neelix on the big screen. In the midst of the exchange of moves, Seven inquired about Brax. Neelix was beaming even more than usual and informed her of his plan to ask Dexa to marry him. But when he turned the conversation to her personal life, she became visibly uncomfortable.

"I do not have a love life," she replied to his query.

"Well, at least tell me how the picnic went with Commander Chakotay."

She looked more uneasy and fumbled on her next move of the game. "It seems that I misinterpreted things. We do not have that kind of a relationship."

Her discomfort with the topic was evident to Neelix. "I'm sorry to hear that." Being a good ambassador, he changed the subject. "Have you talked to the Doctor more about the operation to unblock your emotions?"

Even over the long distance, Seven looked relieved. "I am planning on doing so shortly." There was a sudden beep from one of the consoles.

"What is it?" Neelix inquired.

"I am detecting high neutrino levels accompanied by graviton flux. I need to conduct more scans. We shall have to continue our game another day."

"Of course. Same time tomorrow. Good-bye, Seven. Neelix out."

In the staff meeting, Seven reported her findings of what could actually be a concentration of wormholes inside a nebula. Although they'd been down this road many times, hope still surged. The captain gave the order to change course and upon arrival, Voyager cautiously entered the nebula. There was unknown disturbance all around and even Seven's scans were unable to clarify what they were detecting. At the same moment that Tom detected tritanium, a Borg cube flew dangerously close to the ship, startling everyone. The captain quickly ordered their withdrawal. An encounter with the Borg was something everyone wanted to avoid, even Harry, undeniably the most enthusiastic to return to Earth. In the post encounter meeting, when Seven informed everyone that there were at least forty-seven cubes in the nebula, Janeway settled it. They were leaving. "Mr. Kim, you may be captain someday, but not today."

In the distance, the Borg Queen monitored the situation.

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

She was under attack by the Klingons and desperately sprinting away in her shuttle. The calculations had been done and she now set the coordinates. It had to work. She had to get there in time, before that meeting, before they had dinner. That was where it all began to go wrong. Had to get there, or else all this was a waste of so much time, so much planning. She thought of those who had helped her; the Doctor, Captain Harry, Commander Reg, and sweet, strong Miral. Had to get there in time…

"Doctor, I've been reconsidering your offer to extract the fail-safe device. Is that still a possibility?"

The Doctor smiled. "It certainly is! I've been hoping you would think it over, so I continued my research and have narrowed the timeframe required. I can now accomplish the reconfiguring in a single operation. When would you like to commence?"

"Is today a possibility?"

"It is indeed. I'll see you after your shift, then. Once we're done, you'll be able to experience the full spectrum of emotions." Seven turned to leave, but stopped. The doctor looked up at her. "Is there something else, Seven?"

She was hesitant, but recalling the commander's advice, pressed on. "Actually, I am wondering if you might be able to give me some assistance with my adjustment, Doctor?"

He beamed at her. "You know I'd be more than happy to.

Chakotay was looking forward to dinner with Kathryn, to the companionship, conversation and comfortable relaxation he so often found in her presence. He headed to his quarters to change immediately at the end of his shift. When the door swished shut behind him, he stopped in dismay at the sight of a small plant and a PADD sitting on the floor. He raised his voice. "Computer, has anyone except myself been in these quarters today?"

"Negative."

"Has there been a transport to this site today?"

"Affirmative."

He had a feeling who this was from and sighed. He'd thought for sure that he had gotten through to her earlier. As he read the PADD, a slight smile lifted his frustration.

Commander,
The Doctor informs me that a gesture of gratitude is often expressed through the giving of flowers or a small plant. I hope you will accept my thanks for your understanding and also for your advice. It has already proven very helpful.
Seven of Nine.

It looked like Seven would not be needing much more of his advice, which was what he'd hoped for. At that moment, the captain's voice was heard, "Senior officers to the bridge." Ah well, there goes another dinner, he thought.

Captain Janeway's face was serious as she stared at the screen before her. He took his seat beside her and asked, "What is it?"

"Some sort of temporal rift."

"I am detecting weapons fire," Tuvok announced. "It appears to be Klingon."

Janeway and Chakotay could always read each other well, something that made them an excellent command team. They exchanged glances that said, 'Here we go again,' and 'It's always something around here, isn't it?'

"Red Alert!"

"There is a vessel coming through," came Tuvok's calm voice. "It is Federation."

Janeway looked at her first officer again and saw her surprise mirrored on his face.

"Captain, we're being hailed," Harry informed her.

"On screen."

The familiar face that appeared was nothing less than a total shock for everyone on the bridge and brought Janeway slowly to her feet.

"You need to recalibrate your deflector to emit an anti-tachyon pulse. You must close the rift!"

Janeway bristled at being ordered. "It's usual to introduce yourself first before…"

"There's no time for pleasantries! Just do it. In case you missed it, I outrank you, Captain!"

"Captain, there's at least one Klingon vessel coming through," informed Tuvok.

She nodded to her tactical officer, "Do it." Once the rift was closed she turned back to the screen. "Now tell me what the hell is going on."

It was a little disconcerting to see the classic Janeway half smile on the face of this older admiral. "I've come to bring Voyager home."

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

As Admiral Janeway stepped off the transporter pad to the captain's wary greeting, she smiled. "It's good to be back." Her eyes fastened on Chakotay, who felt a little uncomfortable under her intense gaze, especially since she looked like she might cry. Then her eyes shifted to Tuvok and her smile softened. "It's wonderful to see you both."

The captain's eyebrows went up and she exchanged another look with the commander. This one said, "I don't get it either, but we'll get to the bottom of this." While the admiral was checked out in Sickbay, her shuttle was checked out as well.

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache hovering. "I could really use a cup of coffee right now."

"I gave that up years ago. I only drink tea now," the admiral said.

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up in amazement and he rescanned the admiral. "As unbelievable as it seems considering her last statement, other than being twenty-six years your senior, and this little device in her brain, she is identical to you, Captain."

"It's a synaptic receiver which allows me to pilot a shuttle without being there. You invented it, Doctor," the admiral supplied.

The Doctor preened slightly. "Really! What else have I…"

Just then Seven entered Sickbay to report on the shuttle examination. She glanced at the admiral, whose attention was riveted to her.

"Hello, Seven," she said quietly, as though unsure of what kind of reaction she would get.

Seven regarded her solemnly and nodded, then turned to the captain. "The technology is impressive, apparently designed to deal with the Borg."

"Can we adapt it?" the captain asked.

"The weapons and armor, yes."

The admiral studied her younger self. "Well?" she challenged her.

The captain turned to Seven. "Do it."

The next day Seven appeared before the captain, the commander, and the admiral. "The Borg Queen spoke with me during my regeneration cycle. She is aware of what we are doing and is demanding we cease. If we do not, she is threatening to assimilate all of Voyager."

This news was disconcerting to everyone except the admiral. "I know you don't want to hear about the future, although I personally believe the best way to deal with the Temporal Prime Directive is to ignore it, but I can assure you, I've dealt with the Borg many more times, and this will work. Besides, you know as well as I do there's no guarantee they won't try to assimilate Voyager's crew anyway."

"True, but it's one thing when your plans are unknown and completely another when they are not!" the captain declared.

Chakotay speculated, "I wonder what it is she's trying to keep hidden inside that nebula?"

Seven interjected, "Captain, I believe we are facing a transwarp hub. There appears to be an exit into the Alpha Quadrant."

Janeway's head snapped around to the admiral. "This would allow the Borg quick and ready access to the Alpha Quadrant, and you want us to just take the ride home? We must destroy that thing before the Borg use it to destroy Earth and the rest of that quadrant!"

The admiral glared back. "If you don't take this opportunity now, it will take you another sixteen years to make it back with tremendous havoc being wrecked on your own crew. You made a decision seven years ago that put strangers before your own people. Are you going to do it again?"

The captain retorted with a look bordering on disgust. "Since when did we become so cynical that you could actually pass up the opportunity to deal a crippling blow to the Borg and stop galaxy wide misery and devastation! We make it back - what's another sixteen years?"

"It's sixteen years of Voyager's misery and devastation!" The admiral realized that in order to convince the captain she was going to have to bring forth some very specific details, and for that they needed to be away from the ears of the present company. "We need to take a walk."

As they traversed the corridors Kathryn expected Admiral Janeway to immediately launch a vehement discussion, yet she remained silent during the beginning of the tour of the ship. Captain Janeway used the time to organize her thoughts and prepare to marshal all her arguments. The silence had a sharp air of impending battle to it. It wasn't long before the admiral let loose the first devastating volley.

"Chakotay dies!" The words exploded from her.

Of all the things the captain had expected to hear, this didn't come close. She literally staggered as the words slammed into her like a physical blow. The admiral put out her hand to steady her. Kathryn felt like she couldn't breath and gasped out, "How, how…?"

The admiral took in her counterpart's paleness, knowing she finally had her full attention. She also knew what followed would be as bad or worse, both to hear and to say. "An away mission three years from now. He dies in the arms of his wife."

It was no easier to say after all these years, and Admiral Janeway felt the bile rising in her throat. She recognized a similar reaction in the captain as she pressed one hand against her mouth and the other against her stomach.

Kathryn's mind scrambled madly. Chakotay dead? Wife? Did that mean that they…? Then another blow fell.

"His wife, Seven."

Kathryn leaned against the wall of the corridor and closed her eyes. Chakotay dies. His wife, Seven. She opened her eyes to see the pain on the admiral's face. It obviously had given her no pleasure to drop that bomb. "You'd better tell me."

"What about the Temporal Prime Directive?" was uttered with slightly snide emphasis.

"To hell with it!" she shot back.

The admiral sighed and looked away. She paused long enough to allow a couple of crewmen to pass before continuing. "You recall Chakotay taking a rain check on lunch with you, saying he had another appointment, one that he didn't look happy about? And that he said he would like to talk with you later over dinner, needing some advice if it went how he was expecting it to?"

Kathryn nodded. "But you arrived, so we never had that dinner meeting."

The admiral's eyes were focussed somewhere else, back in her quarters twenty-six years ago. "That dinner meeting was were it all started to go wrong. Where you - I sent it all wrong." She seemed lost in memories for a moment, and from the bleak expression on her face, not happy ones. Seeing the captain had her legs back, she gestured for them to keep walking.

"You see, Seven had approached Chakotay about helping her with social situations."

The captain glanced sideways at her older self with a frown. "Social situations?"

The admiral walked with her head slightly bent, looking a little uncomfortable. "Yes. Social interactions between males and females. Dating."

Kathryn's eyebrows shot up. "Dating?"

The admiral struggled a bit. God, what she wouldn't give for a cup of coffee. "Yes. At least that's what Seven meant when she requested Chakotay's help. However, that was not his understanding, so when he realized what she really meant, he was very uncomfortable. At that luncheon appointment, he kindly told her so, that he was willing to give her advice, but could not in good conscience actually date her. He also referred her back to the Doctor as someone who could be of more practical help to her."

Kathryn looked at her older counterpart. "So what's the problem?"

The admiral turned to her almost viciously. "The problem, dear Captain, is you - me. At that dinner meeting, in your quarters, Chakotay tells you this and asks your advice. And you tell him," she practically spat the words, "you couldn't think of another person better suited to helping Seven with social adjustments and you encourage him - God, I actually ENCOURAGED him - to work with her, but of course, only as he felt comfortable."

Kathryn felt her stomach swoop, almost hearing herself saying the words to Chakotay, 'no one better suited to help Seven with social adjustments.' It was true, there was no one kinder, more understanding… The admiral wasn't finished and Kathryn yanked her focus back.

Admiral Janeway took a calming breath and blew it out. The anger left her in a rush and all that remained was hollow fatigue. It seemed like she'd been zigzagging back and forth between the two for so many years now. "Of course, he does as you suggest, but only as an advisor to her. Over time, their relationship goes beyond just the professional and they become friends, and then close friends. Close enough that three years from now Seven decides to ask Chakotay to be the one to initiate her into intimacy for the first time. Tells him there's no one else she cares for or trusts enough to go to."

Kathryn's head snapped up and noted the slightly sickened look on the admiral's face. Her attempts at maintaining an emotional distance while telling this tale were failing miserably. Kathryn briefly wondered about Seven's hologram program of Chakotay that she had discovered a while ago.

"He was hesitant but agreed under the condition that she get her booster from the Doctor. You can imagine how the Doctor felt about that." Just about everyone knew that the Doctor was smitten with Seven. "And then…" The admiral looked away again, her mouth working. Kathryn felt her stomach roll once more. Chakotay and Seven! Her first officer, her friend, her heart, with the one she thought of like a daughter.

The admiral's voice sounded strained, the memories exacting their toll even after all those years. "Well, there was a complication no one could have foreseen. Seven's nanoprobes and remaining Borg technology not only rejected the booster as a contraceptive, but reversed it, even to the point of countering Chakotay's booster, and she became pregnant. There wasn't exactly a precedent like this in the Borg for even Seven to know this."

Kathryn stopped walking again and closed her eyes. She knew Chakotay. Of course he married her. "You married them?" she managed. Her voice sounded alien to her.

The admiral was looking down again and nodded slowly. "He didn't love her, but he cared for her, and with the baby, well, you know Chakotay. I thought that would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong." She sighed. "Their relationship was, needless to say, a little strained, so a short time later when we came across what seemed to be a quiet M-class planet, I sent an away team for the usual supply search, and I insisted that they both go. It was supposed to have been a break for them, some time off the ship to relax…" Her voice faded off as she again slipped back into memories.

"It all went horribly wrong. There was an attack. Five crew were badly injured, including Chakotay and Seven." She paused again to gather the strength to say the words. "The Doctor couldn't save him, and as a result of her injuries and the shock, Seven lost the baby. She blamed me, never forgave me, wouldn't talk to me except in a professional capacity. We couldn't even grieve together." The thirteen years of cold silence hung like a string if icicles in her mind. Tears sprang to her eyes and her mouth trembled, trying to regain control. "After we got back, Seven disappeared. There were rumors that she'd even returned to the Borg, or that Section 31 was still operating and had recruited her."

Kathryn queried, "Section 31?"

The admiral waved the question away. "What she actually was doing was dangerous undercover work for Starfleet, work that eventually cost her her life. There was no situation too hazardous that she didn't volunteer for. It was as though she was trying to finish what had happened back then when she lost everything she'd ever wanted."

Kathryn struggled to get her brain to work. "But now that I know this, it can be prevented."

The admiral shot back, "Chakotay's not the only one you lose. You run into the Borg several more times, as well as other hostile species on the way, and between this day and the day you get Voyager home, you lose twenty-two crewmembers. And then there's Tuvok."

Kathryn felt the blood drain from her face again. Chakotay, Seven, twenty-two crew lost and Tuvok as well? "Tuvok dies too?"

The admiral shook her head sadly. "You know, there really are things worse than death. Tuvok has a degenerative neurological disease that is already active and being treated by the doctor. But it can only be cured by undergoing fal-tor-voh, a mind meld with a family member. By the time you get back to the Alpha Quadrant sixteen years from now, Tuvok is irreparably insane."

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

The ugly words echoed around and around in her head, plunking like continuously falling stones with ever-increasing ripples each passing minute.

Tuvok, going mad.

Twenty-two more crew dead.

Including Chakotay.

Seven and Chakotay married.

Seven hating her.

Chakotay dead.

Dead to her.

Tuvok going mad…

She was pacing around her quarters, rocking, not aware that tears ran down her face, not aware of the repeated chime of her door.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay had stopped by to see how her conversation with the admiral had gone, and after getting no answer and ascertaining from the computer that she was alone and still awake, he was concerned enough to use his override.

She whirled to see the one who had resided in her heart for so long. Chakotay, dead. Dead to her. Twenty-two members, Tuvok, Seven. She felt like she was the one going mad, yet here he stood, so solid, so real before her.

"What is it? Kathryn, what did the admiral tell you?"

She heard the concern in his voice, but could only stare back with wide eyes. She shouldn't tell him. Should she? What about the Temporal Prime Directive? Her headache from shock and crying intensified and she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

Chakotay's concern increased as she remained silent, just staring at him like she was seeing a ghost. This was unprecedented. Over the years he had seen her angry, upset and even depressed. But never like this. There was obviously a war going on within her and she was trying to decide something, to come to grips with something. "Kathryn, talk to me. Talk to me as your friend, your first officer. If it concerns the ship and our people, we'll work this out."

Kathryn just stared at him. Our people. We'll work this out. We… Yet in three years, he'd be gone, forever. Seven hating her, Tuvok slowly going mad. Twenty-two more crew slaughtered at the altar of homecoming. Twenty-two more.

Chakotay had walked over to her replicator and came back with a small glass that he placed in her hand. "Here, drink this."

Her hands were shaking enough that he had to help her. At first sip, she coughed. It was enough to enable her to speak. "What is it?"

"Brandy. It will help you." He knew then how upset she really was, because she didn't resist or chide him about trying to get her drunk. He took the opportunity to lead her to her couch.

After a few more sips, the wild-eyed look lessened and she seemed a little more present, rather than off in some alternate universe of hell. Obviously whatever the admiral had told his captain about her future was shattering.

"Talk to me, Kathryn. I'm here for you. You are not alone." Instead of comforting her, this seemed to distress her more.

You are not alone. How many times had he said that to her over the years? But she would be, soon. She took another sip of the calming brandy and a deep breath. He was right. She did need to talk, but what was right to tell him?

Haltingly, keeping her eyes downcast, she began to relate some of what the admiral had said, starting with Tuvok, and her own conversation with him a short time earlier. "Can you believe it, Chakotay? Knowing the nature of the disease, he still kept quiet when faced with the hub and its possibility of delivering us home, and to top it off, this evening, he actually quoted Spock at me." The tears started afresh.

"The needs of the many, etc." He took in her bleak nod. "There's more isn't there." He didn't make it a question, but a quiet statement.

She then told him about the further encounters with the Borg and twenty-two more crew dying. Then he shocked her.

"And I'm one of them, aren't I?"

Her eyes flew up to his, and the agony on her face told him all he needed to know. Her hands covered her mouth to try to keep the sobs inside, but just before she rose to turn away from him, he heard her murmur, "I lose you twice!"

He watched the devastation envelop her as her words rocked him. Lose him twice? Dying, yes, but what was this about? The revelations about Tuvok and twenty-two more deaths were hard to hear but watching the landslide of emotion before him was even harder. Lose him twice? Something flickered through him. Did that mean, could it be…?

As he drew near to her, he heard another name in her ramblings and things started to fall into place. "Kathryn. Kathryn, listen to me. Come on, Kathryn." Nothing seemed to penetrate her grief. He realized that's what it was, that she was already grieving the loss of everything. Her oldest friend, himself, something to do with Seven and over twenty more of her family that she had sworn to get home safely. He felt a surge of anger toward the admiral for putting her through this, yet at the same time realized it was an irrational thought. Maybe this explained the older woman's almost insane obsession that they take the way home and forget about anything else. Every single loss must have been like a hammer blow to her soul. He heard another word from Kathryn.

"Alone. No Tuvok. Seven hates me. No Chakotay." Her voice caught on a sob.

A phrase passed through his mind from the Christian Bible, "the valley of the shadow of death," and he knew that was what she was trapped in now. "Kathryn, I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I…"

He knew the usual treatment for hysteria and was loathe to use it on her. With no more thought than to end the ripping agony of soul going on before him, he spun her around, and with one hand around her shoulders and the other gripping her chin, he did what he'd never done, what he had wanted to do for nearly seven years.

He kissed her.

It wasn't the kiss of a friend, nor the kiss of a lover. It was a rescuer, breathing the breath of life into one who was drowning. His intent was to make it short to shock her, but her hands gripped his uniform jacket tighter and seemed to hang on for dear life. He wanted to deepen the kiss, but kept his mouth still and his tongue to himself. He wanted to pull her against his body, but kept his hands right where they were. When he felt her fists begin to relax he broke the kiss and rested his head against her temple. She was taking in great gulps of breath and he shushed her, encouraging her to slow her breathing down.

He murmured against her hair by way of explanation, "You seemed caught in some kind of mental loop but I didn't want to shake you or slap you to snap you out of it. This seemed the next best thing."

She took another breath, and although her voice was a little shaky, she managed to answer, "Good choice. Maybe we should have tried this on the Doctor when he had his little problem."

He smiled against her temple and knew she'd be okay. "Maybe we could suggest it as a medical treatment, although I'm not sure how we'd do the research." He felt the tension begin to ebb from her, but all the same, he did not release her just yet. He allowed the quietness of his voice and their close proximity to add weight to his words. "Kathryn, history has already been altered. The admiral's timeline has already been changed from the second that rift opened. Whatever it was that we would have been doing had she not arrived, changed from that moment." He let her take that in before adding, "I am not in, nor am I going to begin a relationship with Seven."

Kathryn's head snapped back and she looked at him, shocked. "How did you…?"

"The way the admiral has been looking at both Seven and myself and some of the things you said." He wondered again about her words, 'I lose you twice,' but said nothing. He led her back to the couch. "Come on, Kathryn. You need to talk to someone. This is too much for anyone to carry alone, and as your friend and as your first officer, I'm your best choice. I'm still the unofficial ship's counselor, remember?"

Kathryn looked down at her hands and wondered if the admiral was right that the best way to deal with the Temporal Prime Directive was simply to ignore it.

Chakotay tried to think of a way to make this easier for her. "Look. Here's what I suggest. Tell me what the admiral said like it's a story. Don't refer to her as yourself, or to that Chakotay as me. Just use names."

She took another breath. Okay, that might work. Give a little bit of distance and make it seem less inevitable. She felt his hand on her chin as he lifted it to wipe her face with a tissue that appeared from somewhere. His gentle look made her feel like a little kid and the touch of humor strengthened her.

She began the tale of how he and Seven came together, stumbling a little over the names but staying on track except for Chakotay's shocked outburst.

"How can that be? I don't feel anything like that for her! She becoming a fine woman, but every foundation in her that is good came from you. Besides, she's not much more than half my age and still socially very immature! And she's like your daughter. There's no way I'd begin a relationship with her! Not with the way I feel about…" He stopped and looked away, running his hand through his hair.

She caught his abrupt halt and looked at his face. Could it be? After all this time? A tiny, tiny flame of hope sprang up and she tucked it into a corner of her heart to strengthen her to continue. When she finished her story, they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Well, I guess that explains why Admiral Janeway went to such great lengths to come back and why she's so driven. I can see how awful it must have been for her - her friend and first officer gone," he saw Kathryn wince at that, but continued, "her protégé completely estranged from her, yet having to face each other daily, and her oldest friend slowly going insane. I wonder if she made Paris her first officer," he mused.

Kathryn's voice was quiet, "I don't know. She didn't say and I didn't ask."

"Every single extra death must have felt like a physical blow to her. Knowing the guilt you carry for each one already, I don't know how she stayed sane."

Kathryn looked at his kind face, so strong, so passionate, yet so at peace. Yes, he did understand her, knew what she felt about the loss of each and every crewmember. In the couple of hours since talking to Admiral Janeway, she'd experienced those twenty-two blows, so how much more for the admiral who had lived it each day, moment by agonizing moment.

"Maybe she is crazy. After all, she did give up coffee." They shared a gentle wry smile. A brief remembrance came to her of something Braxton had said - too much time travel and you developed, what was it? Temporal psychosis? Maybe this applied here.

"Kathryn," he took her hands, "no matter how long it takes us to get home, no matter what happens, I can at least guarantee you this. There will be no intimate relationship between Seven and I." He squeezed her hands as he said this before releasing them and she finally managed a real smile, one that touched his heart, just like always.

He continued. "My father used to tell me that it's a waste of time and energy regretting the past, the future is, for the most part, unknown, so you can only live in the present."

She looked at him quizzically, not understanding.

"What I'm saying is, surely there must be a way to figure this out. One Kathryn Janeway is awesome. Well, we've got two here and now, and two Janeways should be able to overcome anything."

His steadfast confidence in her over the years had meant more than she would ever be able to say. He looked rather reflective and she wondered what he was thinking, so inquired, "Penny for them?"

She was surprised when he looked up and seemed a little embarrassed. "It's nothing."

"Chakotay, what?"

He wondered how she was going to take what he'd been pondering and said uneasily, "It's just that, in all the times I imagined our first kiss, I never thought it would more resemble the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation I gave you when you tangled with the alien and his matrix."

He wondered if he'd gone too far when she lowered her head. But then she covered his hand with one of hers and grinned her shy crooked grin up at him. Her words sizzled through him. "Me neither."

I knew there was someone somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

"Voyager is now a museum."

They were in the ready room, just the two of them. Of all the bizarre situations that Kathryn had faced during the last seven years, looking at herself twenty-six years older had to top the list. She seemed remarkably healthy, and Kathryn was gratified to know that she aged well, but it was obvious that overall, the admiral was not happy woman.

"A museum?"

"Yes. Parked right on the grounds of the Presidio."

"Impressive. Tea?" Kathryn walked to her replicator.

"No. I'll have coffee."

She looked at her quizzically. "I thought you said you gave it up."

"I did. But it's one of my habits I've decided to revive." She took the cup from the captain and inhaled before actually sipping. "Why did I ever give this up?"

"What other habits have you decided to revive?" This was the closest they'd come to having a civilized conversation since the admiral's arrival. Kathryn wondered briefly what the counselors and shrinks would have to say about her having such a combative relationship with essentially herself.

Instead of answering, the admiral rose to gaze out the window. "It's takes me another sixteen years from this point to get home and I always regarded this particular place in the journey as the pivotal point that I missed. During those sixteen years, I probably thought to myself more than a couple of thousand times, 'If only I could do that over again.' That's why I started planning this mission the moment we landed in San Francisco, ten years ago for me."

Kathryn leaned across the desk on her elbows. "There has to be a way to have our cake and eat it too."

The admiral turned with a flash of yesterday's temper. "There isn't! You can either get the crew home or you can destroy that hub. Meanwhile, the Queen Bee over there in that blasted hive of hers is doing her damnedest to take away your advantage and develop a defensive strategy. Like they say in some of Tom's old movies, 'take the money and run'."

The captain kept a lid on her own rising emotions and just shook her head. "You know I'm not going to do that. I still say there has to be someway we can accomplish both."

The admiral sighed and looked down, and Kathryn knew she'd won. "There is something I thought of, but it's risky. It could lose you everything, and I mean everything, here and now."

Kathryn smiled and leaned forward more. The admiral had just uttered her favorite word. "I'm listening." When the admiral finished outlining the plan, Kathryn sat back. "You're right. It is dangerous, but it could work."

The admiral nodded slowly. "Taking risks."

"What?"

"Another of the habits I decided to revive. Taking risks."

Partway through the admiral's final preparations to her shuttle, the captain and the commander arrived.

"It's about time. I'm not getting any younger, you know." She continued her work and watched them from the corner of her eye. Something had already changed between them, and her feelings were mixed as she took it in; gladness, satisfaction, and if she were really honest with herself, a touch of the green-eyed monster. They stood a little closer together than normal, heads almost touching as they quietly conversed.

She straightened up. It was time.

Kathryn approached with a hypospray. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She made a wry face. "No, but Voyager isn't big enough for the both of us, and this is your ship and your crew." She studied her younger self's face. "Just make sure this was worth it. Get them home."

Kathryn pressed the hypospray to the older woman's neck and stepped back. "Good luck, Admiral." They both knew the likelihood of the admiral surviving was almost nil.

Just before she entered the shuttle, she looked back one more time at the couple. Chakotay's hand rested on Kathryn's shoulder closest to him, exactly as he had stood before they had entered the cargo bay for the meeting on the planet of the 37s to see who wanted to settle there. It seemed ironic to think of it now. Every last crewmember had voted to go on, and here they stood on the brink of realizing that desire.

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

The captain hailed Seven in Astrometrics, "Seven, any news of the admiral?"

The disembodied voice came back, "We lost contact once she entered the nebula."

Chakotay stood beside Kathryn, and although feeling somewhat guilty at the horribly risky, probably out-and-out suicide mission undertaken by the admiral, he still couldn't help feeling greatly relieved that at least for this encounter with the Borg, the captain was here beside him and not off on some cube. Although at the end of the day, they could all be dead or drones. It was hard to know what was worse to contemplate. For himself, he'd rather be dead, but there was a whole ship of people to consider.

Janeway looked at the con, and although the pilot seated there was more than able, this trip was going to need a lot more than mere competency. "Janeway to Paris."

The first sound through the comlink was a loud female scream, followed by a Klingon curse. Then the voice of the Doctor could be heard, "Try to relax, Lieutenant."

"If you say that one more time I'll…"

The rest of B'Elanna's response was lost as Tom's voice was finally heard. "Paris here, Captain. As you can hear, things are hopping down here." This was followed by another scream.

Janeway and Chakotay exchanged looks. "Is it for real this time?" Chakotay asked.

B'Elanna's voice yelled in response, "Hell, yes, you big baboon! If this gets any 'realer,' - AHHH."

Tuvok's eyebrow hit a new high and Harry tried not very successfully to suppress a chuckle at B'Elanna calling the first officer a 'big baboon' over an open comlink.

"I'm terribly sorry, B'Elanna, Tom," the captain glanced at Chakotay, who had his hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh and further aggravate the mother-to-be. "The timing is lousy up here, but…"

B'Elanna's voice was heard again, "What else is new in this damned quadrant? Go, Tom."

"But B'E!" They could all hear the anguish in his voice.

"If this mission is going to succeed, we're going to need our best pilot. Now go. The Doctor and I can do this. I think." They all heard her deep breathing.

The doctor had the last word before the link closed. "Oh, yes, we'll manage swimmingly. I must say I am glad that I have no real bones in my hand, Lieutenant, or I'd need to do repair work on myself."

So it all came down to this. Sixteen years of regret, ten years of planning. She'd gambled and lost. Yet in the losing was victory. It somehow seemed appropriate. Admiral Janeway felt the tubules pierce her neck and couldn't stop the cry of pain. She'd forgotten how much this hurt, and the Queen was taking particular pleasure in her supposed victory.

The admiral felt the transformation begin immediately, that inner eating away of all that was herself. The Queen was gloating, "Voyager will be next."

The admiral gasped in pain as the mottling of her skin continued to progress. "I don't think so."

The Queen looked smugly at her, but then her face changed. Something was happening internally. She staggered a little and listened as all around, her worst nightmare began; disorder and chaos. "What have you done?" she cried out.

The admiral had collapsed, but opened her eyes, rebellious to the end. "Must be something you assimilated."

The Queen and her world began to disintegrate.

"Now, Mr. Tuvok!"

The transphasic torpedoes were fired and the conduit began to collapse. Voyager raced to the aperture ahead of the shock wave under the precise hand of Lieutenant Tom Paris. With the armor failing, they were faced with a decision; take the winnings of the day in a quick and safe exit back to the Delta Quadrant, or risk everything on another toss of the dice. Janeway looked at Chakotay and they nodded at each other.

"Mr. Paris, prepare to change coordinates."

As Voyager zipped through the exit, leaving the devastation of the Borg behind, they were greeted by a hastily assembled Starfleet armada who had come, they thought, to fight the Borg.

"Captain, we are in the Alpha Quadrant," Harry's shaky voice confirmed. "We're being hailed."

Before answering the hail, the captain spoke to her senior staff. "Good work everyone." She patted Tom's shoulder. "Some very impressive flying, Mr. Paris."

Tom was feeling a little overwhelmed by the sight before him and just nodded. She was standing close enough to him that he heard her husky murmur, "Thank you, Admiral. Your sacrifice was not in vain."

"On screen, Harry."

Before them stood an amazed Lieutenant Reg Barclay and Admiral Paris. Tom looked up at the face of his father. So many conflicting emotions, but right now, number one was relief.

"Sorry to surprise you. Next time we'll call ahead." Tom almost laughed out loud. Only Captain Janeway would dare to be so saucy to his father.

"The word 'shock' would be more applicable right now, Captain. All the same, welcome back."

"Thank you, sir."

"How did you…"

"It will all be in my report."

The older man was beaming. "I look forward to reading it. Paris out…"

Just before the signal was cut, a call came through the comlink. "Sickbay to Bridge." The sounds of a crying newborn could clearly be heard. The entire bridge staff reacted to the sound, but no one more so than its pilot. He found himself blinking at a sudden mist in his eyes.

"Lieutenant Paris," came the Doctor's voice, "there's a young lady here waiting to make your acquaintance."

Tom managed to find he voice, "B'Elanna?"

"Is fine. Your wife is resting comfortably, which is more than I can say for my holomatrix. I'm sure both your women will be relieved to see you. I know I certainly shall be."

Amidst the chuckles on the bridge, Admiral Paris' voice was heard again, a little deeper than usual. "Is that…?"

Tom replied, "Your granddaughter, sir. Miral Kathryn." He heard the captain's sharp intake of breath behind him. "After B'Elanna's mother and, well, you know the other person."

"Aye, that I do. Well chosen, son. I look forward to meeting your family soon. You'd better get going. Paris out."

"Tom, off you go." Kathryn was a little overwhelmed at the unexpected gesture from Tom and B'Elanna. She felt Chakotay behind her and the touch of his supporting hand at her back. He somehow always knew.

"Yes, ma'am." While Tom wore the biggest smile possible, there was a hint of tears in those usually impish blue eyes. He stood up from the con and swept a startled but happy captain into his arms. As he deposited her back on her feet, Tom surprised her even more by planting a kiss on her cheek. "I owe you everything," was his explanation for the complete breach of protocol.

Janeway patted his arms and smiled back, "No, Tom. It was you who made the choices and the changes. Go on now. You have a wife to hug and a daughter to meet."

Tom received hugs and congratulations from the rest of the bridge crew before reaching the lift, the biggest from his friend Harry. Even Tuvok went out of his way to shake Tom's hand.

It was not the last hug Kathryn received. She found herself briefly in the arms of her first officer. He released her with a huge smile. "Captain, you did it."

She looked around the bridge at her senior staff, then smiled back at Chakotay, "No. We all did it. Seven?" she looked at the former Borg. Probably the young woman's biggest life challenges still lay ahead of her.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Find a way to get a message through to Neelix and let him know we're home safely."

"Aye, Captain," was the calm reply.

Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
Wonderful journey

Starfleet contacted as many of their families as they could, and they were all allowed a few hours visitation. However, the crew was ordered to remain for debriefings before they could be released to return to their homes. Like a true family, the whole crew made sure that no one was alone. Although Chakotay attempted to step away as Kathryn was swept into the hugs of her mother and sister, she immediately reached for his arm to pull him forward and introduce him. At one point, a wildly grinning Harry dragged her over to meet his equally enthusiastic parents, who enveloped her in a crushing embrace for returning their son to them. There was an immediate invitation to dinner, which the captain accepted for a future date, inquiring if that might include Mrs. Kim's famous key lime pie.

Kathryn was pleased to witness a shy Naomi being introduced to her dad and the tentative hug that was exchanged between he and Samantha Wildman. She hoped things would go well for them, no matter how they ended up.

As the days moved forward, many of the crew's concerns proved to be non-issues. Kathryn had insisted that Tuvok be allowed to return to Vulcan immediately to go through fal-tor-voh, and have his debriefing at the end of the expected two weeks' schedule. Tuvok had tried to dissuade her, declaring it was unnecessary.

"Really, Captain. While I appreciate your concern, there is no need for such haste. I am well able to undergo my debriefing before departing for Vulcan after the celebration ball has been concluded." Even as he said this, he knew he might as well have saved his breath. Once Captain Janeway had decided an issue, it was decided, and no Vulcan, nor any board of Admirals would dissuade her.

Janeway noticed the way he referred to the celebration ball like it was an assignment to be endured, and to him it probably was just that. "Tuvok, I'm the blue-eyed-girl of the moment. I may as well get some mileage out of it while I can."

"I believe it safe to say that you will be their," he paused, "blue-eyed-girl, as you phrase it, for some time to come. No other Starfleet captain has ever accomplished what you have."

"Why, Tuvok," she grinned at her oldest friend. "Do I detect some pride in your captain?"

He regarded her with what she could only describe as quiet satisfaction before he replied, "It is warranted."

They had come such a long way since the rocky start to their relationship so many years ago. Kathryn was deeply touched by his statement and laid her hand on his arm. "Thank you, old friend. Give my best to T'Pel."

The former Maquis, including Chakotay and Tom, were all pardoned, which felt odd to most of them since they didn't consider themselves criminals. The horrors of the Cardassian-Dominion war had changed Starfleet's, the Federation's and the public's opinion regarding the Maquis. After reading their logs submitted along the way, most of the hierarchy had agreed that seven years in the Delta Quadrant had been a sentence in itself.

Full back pay was given to everyone and all the field commissions were ratified. Everyone was delighted, especially his mother, when Ensign Harry Kim was promoted directly to full Lieutenant. Rather than remonstrating with Janeway as she expected regarding some of her more questionable decisions, Starfleet commended her and the entire senior staff on their actions under extended high duress. There were whispers about promoting her to admiral, which made her grimace, and Chakotay and Tuvok to captain. In a way, it was their good fortune to return after the war when the Federation desperately needed something positive to celebrate.

Although Starfleet was uncertain what to do with the two former Borg, they were quick to recognize from the logs the tremendous contributions each had made to the ship, especially Seven of Nine. The fact that she had saved the ship and the crew many times went a long way to allay the instant fear and distrust that was the usual response to the word, "Borg." Seven and Icheb unexpectedly, but gratefully, found themselves a champion in Captain Jean Luc Picard. Janeway gave Seven as much support as possible, being affected by Admiral Janeway's tale of the loss of their relationship, as well as sensing the young woman's insecurity in this unknown environment. Kathryn was pleased to learn that Tuvok and his wife had invited Seven and Icheb to spend an extended time with them once everything was completed, at least until Icheb began at the Academy next term. With the suddenness of the events surrounding the admiral's arrival and their battle with the Borg, Seven's procedure to remove the fail-safe device had of necessity been postponed. The plans to go through with it were now rescheduled by Seven and the Doctor. It was noted by those who knew them best, that there had been a subtle shift in the relationship between the two.

Even the status of the Doctor was settled fairly quickly, particularly after some timely intervention from Lieutenant Reg Barclay, Deanna Troi and only a "minimum of forcefulness on the captain's part," as Reg had commented, tongue in cheek. They reminded the board of the Doctor's successful forays back and forth across the galaxy, one of which had saved the recalcitrant Dr. Zimmerman and the other protected the Alpha quadrant from the Romulans.

The press was having a field day, with headlines appearing like, "The Captain and Her Intrepid Crew," that made Kathryn gag and her crew chuckle. However, she was not above using her "blue-eyed" status to advantage when it came to the stickiest issue of all; the former Equinox crewmembers. Janeway well understood the residual sense shame still felt by Noah Lessing, Marla Gilmore and the others regarding their actions, considering she herself felt much the same. More than a few of Starfleet's hard liners wanted the former Equinox crew court-martialed, and the nervous crewmembers in question were deeply touched when both the captain and first officer spoke strongly on their behalf, citing their commendable behavior during their entire service aboard Voyager. Cooler heads prevailed, recognizing as Janeway did that the public would not be pleased to see any of the "intrepid crew" dealt with harshly, plus it was deemed expedient to settle things as quickly as possible and let everyone get on with their lives. In the end, while it was acknowledged that they had been simply following orders, an official reprimand was logged in each of their records and they were forever prohibited from deep space exploration.

Plans were already in the works for the erection of a memorial plaque in the Presidio listing the names of those who had been lost. Some of the crew speculated whether that would include Seska and Jonas, but laid those thoughts aside for the time being. During the occasional free hours she had during the day, Janeway tried to meet with some of the families of those crewmembers who had died en route. This was in fact the toughest thing for her to go through.

Knowing her intense schedule, Chakotay tried to meet Kathryn for a quick lunch a few times, even if it was just 20 minutes in her temporary offices, if only to ensure that she was eating something. Halfway through the second week, they arranged to meet for just such a lunch. When her assigned aid informed him that the teary-eyed people he saw leaving were Lieutenant Joe Carey's family, he cautiously slide through the door to her office and entered unannounced. At first there was no sign of her.

He found her seated on the floor with her back against the office couch, knees drawn up, head bent. He knelt beside her and spoke very quietly, "Kathryn."

She raised a tear-streaked face to him. "God, Chakotay," she gasped through her tears. "I feel so angry, so guilty and so ungrateful."

"Kathryn?" He frowned. He could understand angry and guilty, but ungrateful?

The tears continued to pour down her face. "She took years of planning and gave her life to get Voyager and her crew home. But all I could think of the whole time I sat there with that family," she gestured to the chairs they must have occupied, "was why the hell couldn't she have come back just a few weeks earlier and saved Joe Carey for them?" Her whole body shook as she cried even harder. Although Chakotay had no problem knowing who "she" was, he had no answers for Kathryn so he just wrapped his arms around her until the storm wore itself out.

When he finally settled her on the office couch with a blanket, he had the aid get Admiral Paris on viewer for him. After a short discussion, the arrangements were quickly made. Someone was sent to both of their quarters to pack overnight bags for them, and by mid-afternoon, Kathryn and Chakotay were stepping off the transporter - one of the perks of being an Admiral - located at the Paris family cottage. Tom, B'Elanna and their baby were already inside. Chakotay realized how tired and shattered Kathryn must have been, for she put up only a token argument about the 36-hour reprieve from debriefings. When he told her that Tuvok's fal-tor-voh had been successfully completed and that he was returning early for his stint before the board, she had acquiesced.

Although not knowing exactly what, both Tom and B'Elanna knew something had happened, and had willingly agreed to this short time away. The cottage was a place familiar to both Tom and Kathryn, and being surrounded by nature, provided the peace needed. The afternoon was spent catching up and looking at baby pictures. B'Elanna sensed Kathryn's need and asked her former captain to hold Miral while she had a shower. She knew the baby would somehow provide some much needed healing, and left her in Kathryn's arms for most of the afternoon.

At dinner they laughed over happy memories of Voyager.

"Remember Tuvok's promotion speech?"

"Remember our introduction to leola root?" A chorus of groans greeted that memory.

"The Doctor and his 'photon canon'?"

"Or how about the Captain insulting the ambassador by putting her hands on her hips."

"I'm just Kathryn now, okay?"

"Or the drunken ambassador's aid that Neelix was supposed to look after?"

"Speaking of alcohol, how about Seven's intolerance for it?

"Or when Seven was a Ferengi?"

"Hey, I mostly remember when Seven was a Klingon warrior who thought he was going to mate with me."

"Speaking of mating, B'E, don't forget Vorik."

"If you value your life, don't even go there."

"Yeah, speaking of mating, how about Tom and Kathryn's lizard babies?"

This brought a double chorus of, "Don't even go there!"

"Remember when the Cap-, uh, Kathryn floored us all with her pool skills?"

"A good captain always has a few secret weapons."

"Like your death glare?"

"Chakotay! Since when have I ever used that on you?"

"Does the Borg alliance ring a bell?"

After Kathryn had helped with Miral's bath and Tom and B'Elanna both went to put the child to bed, Kathryn asked Chakotay if he would like to join her on the dock to do some stargazing. The dark quiet was like a blanket around them, surrounded by familiar constellations.

"I still can't get used to looking at stars I recognize."

"I know what you mean. It's odd to think that the unknown could actually become the norm."

She knew he was right behind her and reached back for his hands. She drew them around her waist, placed hers overtop and relaxed back against his chest. They both noted how she fit very nicely under his chin.

"You did this for me, Chakotay. Thank you."

He rested his chin on her head. "It was Admiral Paris's suggestion to come here with Tom and B'E. I wondered if a quick visit to Indiana might help, but he knew that as much as your family would try not to, you'd be facing more questions and people who just couldn't understand what you've been through. You didn't need that and even your mother agreed."

"You spoke to her?"

"The admiral did. Says she's expecting you for a long visit after this is all done." He didn't add that Mrs. Janeway had specified that she was expecting both of them. They were quiet for a moment, just looking at the sky. Kathryn spoke again.

"Still, you saw I was drowning and you rescued me. Again. Like always." She felt his light kiss against her hair. "Chakotay?"

"M-hmm?"

"I want to go to Indiana the day after the ball for that visit. I need it and I know Mom and Phoebe need it too. Would you," he felt her hands tighten unconsciously on his arms, "consider coming with me? I'm sure my mother wouldn't mind."

"Actually," she could tell from his tone that he was smiling, "according to Admiral Paris, your mother is expecting the both of us."

Kathryn chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? Still, you'll come?"

"If you want me, of course. Especially if you'll let me escort you to the ball."

Oh I want you, all right, she thought to herself. "Deal," she replied. She raised one hand to reach up and behind to touch the side of his face. "Soon, Chakotay. It'll all be over soon," she murmured. She shivered a little in the cool breeze and dropped her hand to her opposite shoulder. He raised one arm over hers to hug her closer to his warmth. She continued, "Although I know the experiences of this trip will be with us forever, I also know we all need to put this saga of Voyager to bed."

"And Starfleet."

"And its admirals."

"All of them."

"Yes, all of them," both knowing who they were talking about.

"Speaking of bed," he began. She went very still, waiting.

"I have one more recommendation, if you'll take it from your old first officer," he continued.

"I'm listening."

"Kathryn, you're exhausted. I suggest you forgo any more coffee tonight, go straight to bed and then let yourself sleep late tomorrow morning."

Kathryn turned in his arms and let her hands rest on his shoulders. "Why Commander," she looked up at him impishly. "Has returning to the Alpha Quadrant destroyed your ability to count?" I do believe that was three recommendations, not one." At his chastising look, she admitted, "However, they all hold merit, and I think I just might follow through on them."

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

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© Brianna Thomas, October 2001 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.