HOPES AND DREAMS

"Captain, I must object…"

Captain Janeway held up her hand. "Tuvok, your concerns are noted and appreciated, but this is really the only logical thing to do." She hoped the reference to 'logic' would forestall further protests. When her chief of security opened his mouth again, she sighed. Should have known better than to think that anything could stop Tuvok once he got going. Sometimes he could be like a photon torpedo locked on target.

"The regulations clearly state that where an away mission poses obvious danger, that the captain is to refrain from participating wherever possible. I believe that Seven of Nine could just as easily conduct this mission."

"I memorized the same book, Tuvok. But the rules and regulations never had in mind a ship alone, without supplies or support, still fifty thousand light years from home. We're all going to have to be flexible - even you."

The idea of the rigidly upright - and some would say, uptight - Tuvok being flexible, brought forth a few poorly concealed grins from the rest of the senior staff.

With a wave of her hand, Janeway cut off further comments from her overprotective security officer. "Seven is going to be assisting B'Elanna in engineering. And other than those two, I'm the one with the most scientific background on this ship. Besides, what you call danger, is just turbulence. Our scans have indicated that a shuttle will create less disturbance within the nebula than the ship would. In terms of safety, the nebula's volatility extends out to where Voyager is positioned, so it won't make much difference whether I'm on the ship or a shuttle."

B'Elanna interjected, "The very compounds that we're after are what make the region so volatile; it's the same principle that's involved in the creation of lightning. On Earth, a gradual build up of electricity results in a bolt of lightning, whereas here, the result is frequent turbulence. But it's worth the effort since so many of the compounds we're desperate for are readily available within the nebula."

Tom piped up. "With the intense turbulence, the mission will need a pilot, because it won't be possible to both fly and handle the receptors. I'd be happy to pilot the shuttle for you while you deal with the scientific side of things."

"No, Tom," Janeway shook her head. "I want you at Voyager's helm. You have the most skills to 'ride the waves' that will be coming our way."

"Surfing the airwaves in a starship," Tom mused. "Never thought of it like that before, but I like it."

With a nod, the captain continued. "All of you know perfectly well how critical it is that we collect these particles. In spite of our conservation efforts over the last few weeks, we have less than a two-month's supply before we are dead in the water, so to speak. The method that B'Elanna and her team have developed for extracting the chemicals and processing them into fuel could potentially harvest as much as a two-year's supply. Besides," she regarded her chief of security again, "it's a scientific away mission, Tuvok, not a diplomatic one where I might come into contact with alien beings."

"You never know in this quadrant, Captain," Commander Chakotay cautioned her.

Janeway leveled the death glare at her first officer. "Commander…"

It wasn't that Chakotay was immune; he just ignored the daggered look, same as he always did. He knew how to get through to her. "Remember our encounter with the photonic lifeform that led to the doctor's mission on the holodeck during our first year? In the Delta Quadrant, things are not always as straight forward as they appear. Our motto out here ought to be 'expect the unexpected.'"

Damn - he had her. Janeway sighed. Normally at this point she would concede, but this time, the infamous mulish Janeway disposition kicked in. "No matter what you say, I'm still the most suitable person for this mission, so figure out who to send with me."

They all recognized the stubborn jut to the captain's jaw and knew that any further argument would be fruitless. A discussion ensued on the best candidate to entrust with the safety of their commanding officer.

Commander Chakotay watched the captain while the rest of the senior staff assessed and discarded half a dozen potential assistants for her. With her arms folded and chin tucked down, she looked ready to charge like a bull. "What about Matt Pinder?" he suggested. "He has experience in security, plus he's been doing advanced pilot training with Tom for the last six months."

Heads nodded around the table and Janeway sighed with relief. "All right, my babysitter's been decided. You all happy now?"

Tuvok's eyebrow raised. "Deliriously."

Janeway regarded him solemnly. "Tuvok, has anybody ever told you that you've got a smart mouth?"

The usually enigmatic Vulcan almost looked uncomfortable. "I cannot say that I recall anyone previously commenting on the intelligence of my mouth."

"Case in point," Janeway muttered.

When the meeting finally concluded, it was settled that the mission would proceed the following morning. As the rest of the senior staff filed out of the briefing room, Commander Chakotay stayed behind.

"All right, Kathryn. What's the real reason you're so insistent upon leading this mission?"

Captain Janeway lowered her head a moment before looking into his face; he always could see through her. "I'm going stir crazy, Chakotay," she admitted and started pacing. "Cabin fever. I know you'll hardly believe you're hearing me say this - hell, I can't believe it myself - but I need a break." Glancing over her shoulder at him, she continued in the same breath. "If you repeat that to anyone, I'll deny it, but I haven't been off this ship in nearly six months, and I'm about ready to explode. I want - I need - to do this."

Chakotay watched his commanding officer and friend striding back and forth in front of him. "I agree with you."

Kathryn waved her hand at him. "I know you and Tuvok always want to keep me wrapped up in cotton balls, but…you what?" She stopped right in front of him as his words penetrated.

He couldn't help grinning at her shocked expression. "I said, I agree with you. You do need to get off this ship for a while. You've been getting a touch, well, edgy lately. I think it will do you a lot of good, particularly to get back to your scientific roots for a day."

Did he have any idea what a beautiful thing that smile of his was? She quirked a grin at him. "Is that a polite way of saying I'm turning into the captain from hell?"

Tugging at his earlobe, he replied, "Well, I wouldn't go that far, but your fuse has been getting shorter and shorter. No wonder, since it's been three months since our last shore leave, and I distinctly remember that you didn't take any then."

"That wasn't my fault," Kathryn protested, pointing her finger at him. "I was on my way to the transporter room when the warp core decided to try and self-destruct, and B'Elanna was already planetside by that time. I could hardly let Voyager blow up right next to that nice little planet, now could I?"

Chakotay sighed. It was true. Impulse engines had been engaged to move the ship away from the planet while Kathryn and Joe Carey worked feverishly to stabilize the warp core. By the time things were settled, the allotted time the local government had authorized for their shore leave had expired. Little did anyone realize, that had been the beginning of the internal problems that led them to this point of desperation.

"Chakotay, I am sorry." She laid her hand on his arm. "I know I've been something of a bitch lately, and too often you wind up picking up the pieces for me."

Chakotay grinned down at her. "I've been around you at your worst and I can assure you that your behavior of late hasn't reached that level yet."

Grimacing, she muttered, "Thanks. I think." Her pacing would have resumed, but his hand on her arm stilled her.

"Kathryn, what is it? You've been so restless lately. It's more than the situation with the ship and standard cabin fever."

Looking down at her boots for a moment, Kathryn avoided the concern she knew would be evident in Chakotay's eyes. He knew her too well. Truth was, she'd been wondering about other rules and regulations that perhaps were never meant to apply to Voyager's situation. Would Starfleet really expect her to remain alone for a journey that could potentially take decades? In the empty hours of her many sleepless nights, when the only company she had was the never decreasing piles of PADDs and thoughts of 'what if', she wondered if she was too late, if she'd already lost what she'd never had.

In addition, the stress of the unending crisis mode they lived in was wearing her down, and even she knew it. That in itself was frustrating; to realize that what Chakotay, Tuvok, and the doctor had been saying all along was correct - even she had limits. It was downright annoying.

But lately there was more. Kathryn wasn't even sure she could clearly explain what she was feeling, and wondered if he'd think she was losing it. Sighing, she finally glanced up at him. "Don't laugh, okay? I know this is going to sound odd, especially coming from me, but lately I've been feeling like something's going to happen."

Chakotay was startled. Although Kathryn Janeway often acted on her instincts, she was definitely not given to the paranormal in any way. He frowned and folded his arms across his broad chest. "Like a premonition?"

She should have known he wouldn't laugh, would actually take her seriously. If it was possible for anyone to understand, she knew it would be Chakotay. He was the most intuitive person she'd ever met, especially it seemed, when it came to her. "Not necessarily bad, although with our luck in the Delta Quadrant, that's the most likely supposition, but nevertheless, something…" She trailed off, hating the inadequacy of her explanation.

"As if it were hovering just out of sight, like a soaring bird that all you can see of is the shadow on the ground."

Kathryn gaped at him, then nodded slowly. Chakotay had just perfectly explained how she was feeling. "You've sensed that yourself?" she asked.

"Not recently, but in the past, yes, at various times."

"Did something always happen?"

"Usually. I figured when nothing occurred that circumstances had somehow altered the situation I was in. Kathryn, all you can do is watch, wait, listen, and…."

A roll of her eyes "You know how good I am at that."

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. " - and don't fret about it, or try to explain it. After all," he quoted, "'there are more things in heaven and Earth'…"

"Blah, blah, blah," she interrupted again.

The two smiled at each other as they leaned together against the conference table. Everything was there in the look they exchanged; comfort, familiarity, and a friendship built over years of trials and trust. They were well aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses, yet still liked and respected each other.

A thought came to her, and she frowned. "If you agree with my going, why did you argue about it in the meeting?" Kathryn had to suppress a shiver when Chakotay took one of her hands and ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"Just trying to keep my headstrong captain and friend safe." Then the moment passed when with a dimpled grin, he tucked her hand into his elbow. "Come along, Captain, I know just the thing for you."

Her breath caught in her throat. "You do?" Wayward thoughts made her voice come out a little squeaky.

He began to lead her toward the doors. "I have the holodeck booked for us, starting at 1830 hours. A brisk game of velocity should clear the cobwebs."

Kathryn stopped in her tracks and all but groaned. "Velocity?"

"How about dinner afterwards as well?" he bribed.

"Your rations? Now you're talking."

*****

At 0800 the next morning, Captain Janeway and Ensign Pinder ran through the preflight sequence in the shuttle. B'Elanna hovered over the receptors and other equipment like a mother hen.

"Captain, you're sure…"

"B'Elanna, I'm sure I understand. I have done similar procedures before, many times in fact. Probably while you were still playing with dolls," the captain retorted.

"Klingons do not play with dolls," B'Elanna tossed over her shoulder as she stood at the hatch. "Only bat'leths."

"Right. And of course, in your case, warp coils as well, hmm?" Janeway smiled affectionately at her chief engineer.

B'Elanna grinned back, turning to leave. "Of course."

"Oh, B'Elanna?" The lieutenant had already left. Janeway sighed. Someday she was going to have to remember to request that maintenance come and fix the drawer in her bedroom that constantly stuck partway open. This morning she had banged her shin on it for the umpteenth time.

Chakotay appeared in the doorway, leaning his arm against the open hatch. "All set?"

Kathryn smiled at him. He had been right, as usual, that exercise and a good meal were what she needed, especially when both were with him. "All systems go, Commander."

"Well, have a good time playing in the nebula, Captain," he said with a wink. He turned to the ensign. "Pinder, take good care of her. She owes me a rematch at velocity."

The young man nodded with a smile. "Aye, sir."

"You still grousing over that game, Chakotay? I whipped your butt, so just get over it," Kathryn teased.

Brown eyes pinned her. "With all due respect, Captain, you won because you cheated."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not. I just strategized."

"Is that what you call pausing the game in order to 'fix your shoe,' and then restarting the game without warning me?"

"Can I help it you've got slow reflexes?"

"Come watch me in the boxing ring the next time I practice and I'll show you my slow reflexes."

Kathryn saw Chakotay's eyes shift slightly and turned in time to catch Pinder at his console, silently shaking his head in bemusement at the bantering between his two commanding officers. Glancing back over her shoulder, she exchanged a knowing smile with her first officer. Of all the wonders they had discovered in the Delta Quadrant, the friendship she had developed with Chakotay was more precious to her than any of them.

Once the shuttle was underway and moving toward the nebula, the captain looked up from her console to her escort. "In my last year at the Academy, I had an instructor by the name of Pinder. Commodore Meagrin Pinder. Any relation?"

The young man's eyes lit up. "She's my grandmother. She retired the year before I started at the Academy. I'd been really looking forward to taking Gran's class."

Janeway's eyebrow's elevated. "Grandmother. Retired," she muttered. "Didn't they teach you it's bad form to make your superior officer feel old?"

Pinder suppressed his grin. "Sorry, ma'am. I must have missed that class."

"Ensign, ma'am is for crunch time. It makes me feel old, and you've already done that. Do it again, and it just may be crunch time." Although her voice was stern, her expression was not.

Grinning, Pinder turned back to his console. "Understood. Sorry, ma…uh, Captain."

Reaching the co-ordinates within the nebula, Janeway instructed the ensign to take the conn, and went to the back of the shuttle to activate the receptors. For the next half hour, configurations and levels completely held her attention. Everything was working without a hitch, and it was relaxing, almost soothing to once again be consumed by her first love of science. She stayed in touch with Voyager, confirming the steady stream of information with B'Elanna in engineering.

Suddenly the shuttle lurched, spilling Janeway to the floor, and she hit her head against the edge of one of the receptors. There was a loud crack, followed by an ominous hiss. The blow had been strong enough that it took her a few seconds to regain her equilibrium. Her head hurt such that she was fairly sure she had a concussion, and her vision was slightly blurry. Touching her forehead, her hand came away bloody.

Looking up, she spotted Pinder picking himself off the floor. His arm hung at a strange angle and his expression was one of intense pain. He made a move to come to her, but she waved him back. "Take the conn, Ensign. Head back for Voyager, top speed." She began to cough as gases spilled from the cracked receptor. The back of the shuttle was starting to become cloudy. "Computer, increase venting."

"Captain, our venting is offline, and so are warp engines. All we've got is impulse."

Her lungs were starting to burn and she could hear her breath wheezing. Each attempt to stop the leaking only resulted in her hands being burned with the chemicals. When she heard Pinder start to cough, she raised a raspy voice. "Computer, erect a forcefield between fore and aft section." A sizzle sounded and the forcefield shimmered into place.

"Ensign, let Voyager know our condition." She figured that B'Elanna would realize from the abrupt termination of communications that there was trouble, but the lieutenant couldn't know just how serious it was. Janeway could hear Pinder unsuccessfully trying to raise Voyager, and hoped desperately that the turbulence that bumped the shuttle hadn't been the tail end of a worse shock to the ship.

"Computer, latch onto the receptor and beam it outside the shuttle." Her voice was disappearing, and she could feel her face stinging.

"Unable to comply." Was the computer's voice garbled, or was her hearing starting to go? Janeway shook her head to try to clear it, only succeeding in making it pound worse.

"Captain, the chemical concentrations inside and out are interfering with transporters. Once we clear the nebula, that should improve." Pinder was piloting with one hand, in obvious distress.

"How long until we're clear?"

"About four minutes."

Too long. A narrow phaser beam would have been able to seal the crack in the receptor, but could cause an explosion in the dense chemical cloud now completely obscuring the aft section. Her ears were buzzing and she knew she wasn't going to make it. "Computer, as soon as levels are acceptable, beam the receptor outside the shuttle."

Marshalling all her strength, Janeway pulled the medkit from the wall. Once, twice she fumbled with the latch before it finally opened. She could no longer feel her hands, which was better than the previous burning pain. Finding what she was looking for, she aimed the spray at the cracked receptor, hoping even that wouldn't set off an explosion. Far away, she could hear Pinder's voice calling her name, then blackness enveloped her.

*****

Janeway woke with a start, breathing hard. Raising a hand to her head, she glanced around her bedroom. Everything looked normal; her uniform laid out over a chair as she did every night in readiness in case of red alert, her lingerie drawer still stuck partially open.

It had been a dream. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Computer, time."

Only two minutes until her alarm sounded, so she had the computer reset it for tomorrow and rose to begin her day. After a shower, she headed to the mess hall. The dream had left her slightly uneasy, so she was anxious to see Chakotay; his presence was always calming to her. Remembering how the receptor had cracked in her dream, she hit her comm badge. "Janeway to Torres."

"Lieutenant, check the sealant on the receptors, would you? With the instability in this region of space, I don't want to wind up with a shuttle full of nebula gas."

Striding through the doors, Janeway paused, glancing around the hall. At first, she thought that Chakotay wasn't there and felt an immediate letdown. Then she spied him at a different table than they normally occupied, although their usual table was empty. No matter. Quickly grabbing a coffee, she headed over.

"Good morning, Chakotay."

It seemed like he had not been expecting to see her, for he looked a little startled, but greeted her with a polite smile. "Captain."

They discussed the upcoming mission, then there was a pause in the conversation. "Something on your mind, Captain?" Chakotay asked.

She sighed. He did know her well. "I had the strangest dream last night, and it felt so real." After she filled him in on her dream, he sat musing over his mug.

"Do you think it could be a warning?" he questioned.

"Well, I did take the precaution of contacting B'Elanna and asking her to recheck the seals on the receptors." At that second, her comm badge chirped.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow to Chakotay. "Speaking of which… Janeway here. Did you find anything, B'Elanna?"

After the connection was closed, Chakotay commented as he pushed his chair back, "Well, Captain, there you have it. Maybe you'd better get the doctor to check out your PSI levels, since it's pretty obvious you definitely heard something from somewhere. Next thing I know, you'll actually be asking me to borrow my medicine bundle."

Throwing him a teasing grin, she rose with him and they headed to the door. "You never know; maybe I will. So Chakotay, would you like a rematch on that velocity game we had last night? I'll buy you dinner as compensation for what's sure to be your second loss."

Chakotay looked at her with undisguised bemusement. "That was some dream you had, Captain. We haven't played velocity together in well over six months." He seemed to grin to himself as he added, "And I definitely did not have dinner with you last night."

Shocked, Kathryn regarded him with wide eyes. "Maybe I really should visit the doctor. Anyway, would you like to have dinner tonight? My rations."

"Sorry, Captain. I have a previous…" he paused a moment, then finished with a small smile, "engagement. I should get to the bridge to prepare for your launch." He nodded politely, then turned and strode away.

Kathryn stood staring after him, an uneasy feeling gripping her stomach. Something bizarre was happening and she would certainly visit sickbay when she returned. About to proceed to the shuttle bay, a disturbing realization made her pause; during the entire conversation, Chakotay had never once called her Kathryn, only Captain.

The shuttle launched smoothly and headed toward the co-ordinates within the nebula. Other than a bit of turbulence, the trip was uneventful. Janeway turned to her escort. "Ensign Pinder, I understand that your grandmother was an instructor at the Academy."

The young man glanced at her. "Sorry, ma'am, you are mistaken. That must be a different Pinder, because my paternal grandmother died when my father was a child."

Of course. Just another piece of her dream. Shrugging it off, she replied, "Ensign, ma'am is for crunch time, but if you imply again that I'm losing my marbles, it will be."

An expression of confusion crossed the ensign's face. "Losing your marbles?"

Janeway sighed. "I've been spending too much around Lieutenant Paris. It's a twentieth century phrase meaning your mental faculties are slipping."

Pinder smiled. "I would never imply that about you, Captain."

She grinned back. "See that you don't." At that second, a console beeped, and they both turned to it.

Pinder's expression was intense. "Captain, I'm detecting…"

"I've got it too. Shuttle Cochrane to Voyager."

"Voyager here. Is there trouble, Captain?" The calm voice of her first officer sounded.

"We're detecting evidence of a wormhole within the nebula. Are you picking up anything?"

There was a momentary pause, then the commander was heard again. "Aye, Captain, we are receiving the same information. Recommend you return to Voyager, and we'll figure out a way to safely take the ship into the nebula to launch a probe."

"Agreed. Janeway out. Well, Ensign," Janeway turned to the junior officer. "Sorry our trip turned out to be so short, but who knows where this might lead?"

It led to the edge of the Beta Quadrant. It hadn't taken B'Elanna and Tom long to work out a way that would lower the risks of taking the ship into the nebula. And since their end appeared stable for the moment, they wasted no time, but edged Voyager into the wormhole. Hardly anyone spoke the whole tense trip, and even when shift ended, no one left the bridge. At times the turbulence was severe, bordering on violent, but with Tom at the helm, they were able to weather it. In a few short hours, Voyager emerged, and Harry confirmed that they were exactly where they expected to be.

Kathryn tore her eyes from the viewscreen, glancing to her left. Chakotay was concentrating on the information appearing on his console, but he looked up just as the lift doors opened. His smile of greeting was brilliant. Kathryn turned to see who had arrived on the bridge, but the person had slipped behind Tuvok.

"Captain, shall I send a message to Starfleet?"

Janeway turned to the ops station. "Yes, Harry, do that."

In minutes, there was an astonished, but joyful reply, welcoming them back. They were now a matter of weeks from home. Not years. Not months. Weeks.

The emotion drove Kathryn to her feet. Home. Her crew safe and sound. She sensed Chakotay standing beside her and turned to him, ready to throw protocol to the wind and envelope him in a hug. Now, after all this time, now they could explore the relationship that had been hovering between them for so long.

"Congratulations, Captain, you did it."

Kathryn looked down to see Chakotay's hand extended to her. The smile on his face was friendly, happy, yet professional. He was being formal and very proper, but that was all right. She shook his hand. "Thank you Chakotay, but it was all of us. We did it."

Chakotay was the first to turn aside to make the rounds on the bridge, and Janeway did the same. As they spoke to each of the bridge crew, hugs and handshakes were exchanged by many. Just before Tom Paris swept her into a bear hug, Janeway witnessed Chakotay enveloping a small dark-haired female in his arms, then planting a kiss on her cheek. Although Kathryn smiled at Tom when he finally released her, a chill breeze seemed to have swept over her. Chakotay's back was turned to her, and she couldn't see the face of the woman he still embraced.

In the following minutes, Janeway went through the motions. A shipwide announcement was made and controlled pandemonium ensued. As joy broke out over the ship, the icy grip on her heart increased with every calm, professional word that she and Chakotay exchanged. Finally, Alpha shift was dismissed and ordered to get some rest, although how likely that was to happen, was anyone's guess.

It still wasn't possible to see the female officer's face, but the joy on Chakotay's was evident for all to see when he drew the woman to his side as they waited for the lift, his hand resting in the small of her back. He had eyes only for her as the lift doors hissed shut. There was a finality to that sound that Kathryn felt like a stab wound deep in her heart.

Lightheadedness and a rolling stomach threatened, making her wonder if she was going to pull a Phoebe right there on the bridge. Her younger sister had been notorious that whenever she was sick, she never just threw up or fainted, but always did both. Janeway took slow, deep breaths to try and calm herself.

There was no one else left from Alpha shift on the bridge, and she walked mechanically into her ready room to stand frozen in the middle of the floor. A jumble of thoughts ping-ponged in her head, but her mind kept coming back to a line from an ancient poem by Robert Frost that her father had loved. "And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep." The first phrase was always considered to be the literal meaning of the distance remaining before the author arrived at his destination. The second phrase was believed to mean the journey of life still to be covered before death came.

Janeway looked around her empty ready room. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she felt short of breath. Black spots swirled behind her eyes and she sank to the floor.

She was alone. She was alone.

*****

Kathryn woke with a start, glancing wildly around her room. A dream. It had been another dream. She sat upright, taking deep breaths, trying to calm her heart. No, not a dream, definitely a nightmare. In her ready room, she had wondered if she was too late, and then she had dreamed exactly that. To actually get the crew home safely, yet to lose Chakotay? Most definitely a nightmare.

She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes as a thought came to her. What if this was a dream as well? Everything felt real, but the other two had also. She shuddered as the horror of watching Chakotay happy and smiling, walking away with another woman flashed through her mind. Her stomach clenched at the very thought.

At the door of her bathroom, she paused. "Computer, location of Commander Chakotay?"

Feeling a little like she was invading his privacy, she inquired further. "Is he alone?"

Hoping for reassurance, she surveyed her room. Everything looked the same, including her lingerie drawer still slightly open. The many colors of her underwear contrasted with the otherwise gray Starfleet room, so few personal touches to say that anyone really lived there. Long past time to make some changes. Many changes. Looking again at the contents of the drawer, she grinned at the thought of what the maintenance crew would think if she ever put in a requisition to have that drawer fixed so it would close properly.

About to activate the sonic shower, she walked back to her comm badge and tapped it before she could change her mind. "Janeway to Chakotay."

That wonderful voice, so different from the friendly, but professionally distant voice in her last dream. The very sound of it almost brought tears to her eyes; she had never previously realized just how much she treasured the way it wrapped around her heart.

The concern was evident in his prompt to her. "I'm sorry, Chakotay, I was woolgathering."

"Woolgathering," he repeated.

She smiled. "Yes, it's an old Earth term that means…"

"Oh, I understand the meaning," he interrupted, "it's just that I've never heard you use it before."

The smile disappeared from her face and uncertainty gripped her. Did that mean this was another dream? She shoved the thought aside. Figure it out later. "I was wondering - if you didn't have plans, that is - if you'd like to meet for breakfast?" She cringed at the tentative sound of her own voice.

He'd heard it too. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I had a couple of strange dreams, that's all. They were…unsettling." Kathryn hated feeling this shaky. She was a Starfleet captain, for goodness sakes, not a six-year-old child.

"You know I always enjoy having breakfast with you. Maybe this time you'll actually get your own," he teased.

Smiling at his reference to her penchant for not picking up anything other than coffee, and then eating half of his food, she tossed back at him, "You always pick up extra anyway."

He always knew how to lift her spirits. Gods, she loved this man. Startled at her own thoughts, she gasped.

What happened? Oh, nothing much. Just a bomb going off in her head, that all. Just a soul-rocking, life changing explosion, that's all. "Chakotay, I…" She forcibly clamped her lips closed. She could not - would not - confess this over an open comm line. They both deserved better than that. "Humor me, would you? I know this will sound strange, but did we have dinner last night?" It sounded mighty weird to her so she couldn't imagine what he was thinking. His reply was a few seconds in coming.

"You always sleep fine, Chakotay," she retorted.

"Because you snore loud enough to wake the dead."

The breathtaking sound of his laughter resounded through the comm line before they closed the connection.

After her sonic shower, she contacted Torres and asked her to check the receptors for safety, and then called the doctor to inquire if there had been any unusual complaints brought to him while they were positioned near the nebula. At his negative reply, she hurried out the door to meet Chakotay in the mess hall.

The sight of him sitting at their regular table and the way that his eyes lit up when she walked in, brightened her spirits immeasurably. The last of the unease over the dreams vanished, and she couldn't prevent the smile that answered him.

As per usual, she only took a large mug of coffee. Rather than sit across from Chakotay, she sat next to him, and proceeded to pick at some of the strange looking pieces of fruit he had chosen. In a few minutes, he gestured to the almost empty plate.

"Don't be shy, Kathryn, please help yourself." His expression was serious, but his eyes sparkled with mischief.

She paused, a morsel halfway to her mouth. "Don't mind if I do." And popped the piece in, then licked her fingers clean.

The expression on his face changed, becoming almost feral as he watched her actions. The naked hunger in his eyes was evident before he glanced away.

"Chakotay…"

"I'm sorry…"

They both spoke at the same time. There was an awkward pause.

"I'm not." It was her voice, and she blinked, not even aware she'd been thinking of speaking.

His eyes snapped back to hers. "What?"

Holding his gaze, she repeated in a whisper. "I'm not. Sorry, that is." Then she lowered her hand beneath the table, placing it lightly over his hand where it rested on his thigh.

The noises of the mess hall continued around them, but it was as though they were in a bubble. She watched him swallow, then felt his thumb move to stroke her little finger where it curled slightly around his fingers. The sensation sent a jolt through her, causing her hand to jerk. He seemed to think she was offended because he moved to pull away, but her fingers gripped his. She had to look aside and stared down into her empty mug. Slowly, she withdrew her hand just enough to be able to slide it under his, palm to palm.

Surrounded by his warmth; the heat of his thigh under the back of her hand, the heat of his palm overtop of her hand. Such a simple gesture. Family members often held hands. So did friends. Children did so easily, and even for infatuated teenagers, it was done casually. But the long years of desire and denial had filled the simple touch with deep meaning and emotion for them both. Kathryn could feel it in the pounding of her heart, see it in his eyes when she glanced at him from under her lashes. She was grateful for their table being at the back of the mess hall and the positioning of their chairs that afforded them privacy in the midst of the public setting.

Her comm badge sounded. "Torres to Janeway."

She wasn't letting go of this moment for anything, so she used her other hand to activate her badge. "Janeway here." It was surprising how calm her voice sounded even in her own ears.

Her eyes lifted to meet Chakotay's. "That's good to hear."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I'll be along shortly."

"Was that about your dream?" Chakotay asked.

"One of them."

"And this? He glanced down at their still clasped hands.

Tears pricked her eyes. "Yes."

Studying her for a minute, he slowly released her hand. Rather than lift his hand from hers, he gradually slid his palm across hers in an intimate caress.

Kathryn wasn't quite sure how she managed to stand up and calmly make her way across the mess hall with Chakotay by her side. She looked around the room while waiting by the door for him to return his tray to the counter. No one was paying attention to them. No one seemed to have noticed anything. A couple of crewmen nodded casually to her as they walked past her out the door.

Once she and Chakotay stood in the lift together, silence reigned. Chakotay finally turned to her and was about to speak when the ship rolled, throwing them both against the walls.

Janeway tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to bridge, report!"

"All right, thank you, Ensign. Make sure that Mr. Paris knows I want my ship in one piece."

Janeway turned to Chakotay. "You were about to say…?"

Another sudden lurch of the ship threw the two officers together against the wall. The solid wall of the turbolift was behind her and the solid wall of Chakotay's chest was in front of her. One of his hands rested on her waist while his other braced against the wall by her head. Their faces were scant inches apart.

It had happened before, at various times when they had unexpectedly been thrown together, and every time the tension had arisen. But never had they been alone like this, never just after an acknowledgement like they'd had in the mess hall. There didn't seem to be enough air in the lift to breathe. Kathryn was close enough to see the slight feathering of lines around his eyes, the scattering of lighter and darker colored motes in his irises, the tiniest scar at the corner of his lip. The urge to touch her tongue to it was almost overwhelming and her hands came up to his waist.

His eyes searched her face, then his gaze dropped to her lips. It was going to happen, finally, after all these years. Not only was she going to let him kiss her, she angled her chin upward toward him, inviting him, welcoming him. Their lips had just touched when the lift doors opened at their floor, and without a word, they separated and exited.

The walk to the shuttle bay was in silence. Kathryn's lips tingled from that tiny brush. It couldn't even really be called a kiss, just the barest of touches. Yet her whole body felt on fire, and she wondered whether she'd even be able to remain conscious if they were to really kiss, or to actually make love. A solid determination settled in her heart; she was going to find out, and that was that. And not just once either. If he'd have her, she would be his lover and his mate, because she knew in her heart, he was already hers.

Just before they entered the shuttle bay, Chakotay touched her arm, holding her back. Beautiful brown eyes looked down into hers.

"Kathryn, have dinner with me tonight?"

It was more than just a question of dinner, and they both knew it. The answer was simple. "Yes."

That devastating smile of his broke out, and it was all she could do to not throw herself into his arms then and there. They stood, grinning goofily at each other, the understanding shimmering between them that now, now was their time. Chakotay turned to head to the bridge, casting one final smile over his shoulder at her. She watched him go, the echo of his smile resounding in her heart. Tonight, she would tell him she loved him, wanted him. Tonight, they would finally properly kiss, and even if they didn't actually make love tonight, they would soon. Very soon.

Janeway and Pinder did their preflight, then she contacted the bridge. "Janeway to bridge. Shuttle Cochrane, ready for launch." Chakotay's voice responded, and she couldn't prevent her smile at the warm sound. Melted chocolate, that's what his voice was like.

As they approached the nebula, Janeway turned to the younger officer. "So, Ensign, do you have any other family in Starfleet?"

Pinder glanced at her. "Yes, Captain. My grandparents on my father's side were both in 'fleet. My grandfather died a couple of years before we left, but my grandmother was still at…"

His voice was cut off by warning beeps from their consoles. Pinder informed her of what she could already assess herself. "Captain, there's a massive wavefront headed straight for Voyager."

Janeway opened a channel. "Shuttle Cochrane to Voyager, there's a strong wavefront approaching you."

Chakotay's garbled voice responded. "Aye…tain,…have it. We…" The sound was cut off.

The two in the shuttle watched helplessly as the wavefront struck Voyager broadside, snapping off one of the nacelles like it was a twig. An explosion began in the aft section and then raced through ship, resulting in a blinding white light and a violent shock wave that struck the shuttle, sending it end over end.

When the shuttle finally righted itself, Janeway pulled herself from the floor. Her wrist appeared to be broken, but strangely, there was no pain. "Pinder," she called, "are you…?"

The young ensign lay against the wall, his head at an impossible angle, eyes staring sightlessly before him. Sorrow stabbed through her. Another one claimed by this quadrant, far too young to die.

Looking out the viewscreen, the sight that met her eyes shocked her. Where Voyager had been, there was now nothing but floating debris, unrecognizable bits and pieces of flotsam drifting in space. It was all that remained of the proud ship that had been bravely forging its long, perilous journey home.

Her good hand was shaking as she activated the scanners, looking for what she knew couldn't possibly be there. Part of her brain was able to calmly recognize that the random thoughts tumbling through her mind were the result of shock, but she couldn't halt the scattered mental barrage.

"This can't be happening; we're having dinner tonight."

Faces popped into her head. Tuvok, Tom, Naomi.

"I'm going to tell him how I feel tonight. I'm going to tell him…"

Harry, B'Elanna, Neelix.

"We're supposed to have dinner tonight."

Gerron, Seven, Samantha, Chell.

"I'm going to kiss him tonight."

Chakotay.

She was completely and totally alone.

Chakotay.

The sound of sobbing was loud in her ears, and it was the only thing to be heard in the shuttle. Scanners were telling her what she already knew, but it seemed so unreasonable, so completely and totally unacceptable. The sobs became a choked laugh at the very Borg-like phrase. That would be the final stroke, to have the Borg show up now.

She was alone, utterly alone. Her fist pounded against the console, and although she felt no pain, her vision began to blacken.

*****

Kathryn jolted awake, sweat dampening her hair and making her nightgown stick to her. She closed her eyes in relief - another nightmare. Lifting her arm, she rotated her wrist; it was fine. Yes, it was just a dream. Taking a couple of calming breaths, she headed for the sonic shower. Having overslept, she wouldn't have time for much of anything this morning. Just before activating the shower, she contacted B'Elanna, asking her to check the receptors, and then the doctor to find out if he'd had any unusual reports come in.

Shower over, she paused in her bedroom. What if this too was another dream? She looked around the room, ran a hand over her dresser. Everything felt real, looked real. Her lingerie drawer was still stuck open, as it always was, and nothing in the room was out of place. She shook off the uneasiness and briskly exited her quarters.

When she bustled into the shuttled bay, Torres was the first one to approach her. "Captain, you were right; there was a crack in one of the receptors, so I've replaced it. Everything should be fine now."

Janeway nodded her acknowledgement, then turned to her first officer as he entered the shuttle bay. His usually calm face looked a little strained. "Chakotay? What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nothing really. I just…"

B'Elanna walked up again to hand Janeway a couple of PADDs with information pertaining to the mission. Kathryn looked back at Chakotay. She desperately wanted to touch him, to reassure herself that this was real.

He too seemed uneasy, and she stepped closer to lay her hand against his arm. It was almost possible to feel her body sigh with relief at the contact. "Chakotay, what is it?" she asked again.

He just shook his head. "You weren't at breakfast today, and I just needed to see you before you left."

She knew there was more, but there wasn't time to pursue it with him now. "I overslept, so I didn't have time for breakfast. Barely had time for a shower, but I figured everyone would appreciate it if I did."

It brought out the smile she was looking for from him, and the sight settled her heart even more. No more waiting. No more delays. As soon as she was back, if he still wanted her, they'd have it all, be everything to each other that they desired.

The mission went uneventfully. Down right boring, as a matter of fact, which Janeway delighted in telling her staff when she returned to the bridge a couple of hours later.

Grateful for the command training at Starfleet and the years of practice at schooling her features, Kathryn felt free to indulge her thoughts. Although she would normally head to her ready room to better be able to concentrate on report reading, it was a relief to sit beside Chakotay after the continuously disturbing dreams. She almost preferred insomnia to this constant mental onslaught.

Gradually, Kathryn became aware that she was being watched. Glancing up to her left, she caught Chakotay quickly looking away, a strange look of speculation on his face. When it happened for the third time in ten minutes, she leaned across the console. "What is it? Have I sprouted a second head?"

Chakotay looked like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I'm sorry, Captain. It's nothing. Just thinking."

She let it go until she caught him staring at her again with that same look. "Chakotay, out with it. What's wrong? And don't bother with, 'nothing,' because it won't cut it this time."

That expressive face of his reflected a deluge of thoughts. Finally, he spoke. "Captain, could we have dinner tonight?"

She was about to tease him about making it a regular thing, since they'd just had dinner together last night, but the concerned expression on his handsome face stopped her teasing words before they slipped by her lips. If it had been anyone else, she would have said his expression was one of confusion and a touch of fear. Chakotay, afraid? Never before had she put those two words together, so she just nodded her assent.

The rest of the shift went smoothly. B'Elanna was thrilled with the particles that had been acquired, saying she could already feel the engines purring. Tom was overheard to mutter that he thought she stroked those engines more than she did him. It was Tuvok who responded.

"Mr. Paris, if the engines do not function properly, the ship and crew are at risk. However, if you do not function properly in your capacity as chief helmsman, you will simply be replaced. It is a logical matter of priorities."

Tom had the good sense to keep his mouth shut. Kathryn couldn't resist sending a message to Chakotay via a PADD. "I wonder if Tuvok's misinterpretation was intentional or not?"

Their fingers lightly touched as he passed his reply to her. "Tuvok is no fool - he knew exactly what he was doing. After all, it worked didn't it? It shut Paris up."

Later, over dinner in her quarters, Kathryn studied her companion. He was too quiet, and avoiding eye contact, which made it easy to watch him. There were dark circles and stress lines under his eyes she'd not seen before on the striking face of her first officer and friend. What she wanted to do, was reach across the table and smooth away the lines with her fingers. He'd hardly said two sentences throughout the meal.

"Chakotay, what's troubling you?"

Those beautiful chocolate eyes snapped up to hers, and his uneasy expression was easily readable. He sighed and toyed with the edge of his plate. "Kathryn, I've been having strange dreams lately."

It was the last thing she expected him to say and she sat frozen in her seat. "Strange? Like how?"

Pushing his chair back from the table, he rose and walked over to stand before her viewport. She followed, unable to slow her suddenly accelerated breathing. Could they have been having the same dreams? Was this the work of some alien?

Chakotay began speaking. "In one of the dreams, I'm back on Trebus, and everything is wonderful But then, I look up in the sky, and I can see a fireball coming, but when I call to my people, they can't hear me. They don't see the attack coming and they're trying to understand me. Then just as the fireball is about to hit, Voyager arrives and it looks like everything is going to be okay. Until the ship crashes right on top of my village. And I know that everybody - my family, my friends on Voyager," he turned to look at her, "and you - are all gone."

They stood a few feet apart, yet connected. Chakotay stared into her eyes. "In another dream, we're coming back from New Earth, and the serum works for me, but not for you. You die in my arms in a matter of seconds, right there in the transporter room. I never even get to tell you…" He shook his head.

Kathryn's heart was in her throat. Never got to tell her what? He was still speaking, so she forced herself to concentrate.

"The next dream was the worst. It's from when I was captured by the Kazon, and their price for my release, is you. I beg you not to do it, but you do. But they trick us; they keep us both. I'm forced to watch as Seska helps them beat and torture you. I scream at her to stop until I have no voice left. All I can think of is how my actions brought this on you, the one person I wanted to…" Chakotay's expression was anguished.

Taking the few steps necessary to bring her to him, Kathryn finally did what she had wanted to do at dinner and stroked his face. "I'm fine, Chakotay." Their dreams weren't the same, but similar in nature - death, destruction, loss. Particularly the loss of each other. She lowered her hand. "I've been having dreams, too," she confessed.

"You have? What about?" His voice was hushed.

"Losing you," she whispered. Bottom line, it was the worse thing she could imagine happening, to have to continue on without him in her life, by her side. How would she survive, without his care, his support? Without him? She didn't want less of him in her life; she wanted more, much, much more.

Chakotay's eyes closed briefly, then opened to stare at her. "Kathryn it would kill me to lose you. You mean everything to me, but," his fingers reached out to touch the pips on her collar, "these have always stood between us."

Suddenly, everything felt clear what she wanted and needed, and her heart settled. Instead of answering, Kathryn walked back to the table, silently removing those offending pips to set them on the table beside her. Her jacket followed, then, with her eyes locked to his, she slowly tugged her turtleneck away, dropping it to the floor. The heat in his eyes her touched as she continued and pulled her tank top over her head.

"Not exactly Starfleet issue, Captain," he commented at the sight of her pink satin bra.

It was ridiculous, but she knew she was blushing. "I've never worn Starfleet issue underwear."

He walked over to stand before her, his voice the whisper of feathers over her skin. "Never?"

The touch of his hands just above her waistband made it hard to think. "Never," she managed on a sigh. "Not even as a cadet."

Slowly bending toward her, he breathed into her ear, making her shiver. "My, my. Whatever would Starfleet think of their by-the-book, perfect captain?"

Those warm hands skimmed up over her ribs, the thumbs stroking along the bottom edge of her bra. If he didn't kiss her soon, she was going to scream. "Maybe it could just be our little secret."

"I'll have to think about that. It might cost you, though."

Then his lips were on her and she cried out anyway, because his mouth had gone straight to that spot, that particular spot on her neck that was always her undoing. His lips, his tongue, moved along the tendons of her neck, always returning to the spot that shot sensations through her like fire. How had he known?

Talented fingers found the front clasp of her bra and easily popped it open with no struggle. Thumbs stroked the underside of her breasts, allowing the bra to slowly, so slowly open by itself, the soft brush of the fabric duplicating the soft brush of his thumbs. His hands glided up to cover her breasts and she had to close her eyes at the heat of his palms over her. Instead of kneading her like she expected, his palms just rotated slightly, teasing her nipples. Just when she thought she couldn't take another second of the gentle stimulation, he continued upwards, sliding his fingers under the straps to her shoulders, easing the straps away until she heard the muffled plop of the bra on the floor. Hot kisses feathered along her jaw until he nipped at her chin with tiny bites that shivered through her. Then at last, that beautiful mouth that she'd admired for so long was on hers moving, sipping, gently plundering, the soft intensity stealing her breath way.

It was impossible, simply impossible to feel so much fire, so much arousal from just a kiss. Yet ridiculously she felt on the verge of swooning just like one of the silly heroines in her romantic gothic holonovels. One of his hands was on the back of her neck, fingers threading through her hair, the other encircled her bare shoulders, drawing her against his body.

The rough touch of his uniform against her sensitized nipples was too much stimulation and she gasped. He murmured an apology to her as her shaking hands worked the fasteners of his jacket. Shrugging it off his shoulders, he yanked his turtleneck away. No more ranks; they stood as equals, both bare to the waist.

Sun warmed marble. That's what he felt like as her hands moved over his muscular torso. "I see you don't follow uniform protocols either, Commander," she commented wryly at his lack of tank top.

"Oh, I've never worn Starfleet issue underwear, Captain."

The sentence had an unfinished feel to it, and her mouth went dry at the thought that she was finally going to find out if her fantasies were true or not. Her hands moved to the fastenings of his trousers, only to be stayed by his strong grip around her wrists.

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, Kathryn. I believe it's my turn again."

He picked her up and sat her on the table, which placed her at his level. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he slid one hand slowly down her leg, raising it to reach her ankle and pull her boot and sock off. She leaned back on her elbows to watch him.

Shaking his head at the three-inch heel, he glanced at her. "Just how the heck do you even stand in these things, let alone run from hostile aliens in them?"

How had she known that it would be like this with him? Sparkling, intense, yet playful. "Years of practice. Ooh."

He had pushed her pant leg up to the knee and was placing tiny kisses along her calf, starting just above the ankle bone up to the cloth's edge. The tortuous actions were repeated with her other leg, and her head lolled back. The feeling of his hands loosening her trousers and shifting her hips brought her back to reality.

"Now who's getting ahead of themselves, Commander? What about sharing, fair play, and all that?"

His hands continued to divest her of her remaining garments. Glancing at the tiny scrap of pink panties dangling from one finger, he commented, "Nice." Then he looked at her. Naked, leaning back across the table, skin flushed with arousal, nipples distended. His eyes were like black velvet. "Very nice. In answer to your question, Captain," he stepped back to finish undressing himself, "I'm a Maquis, remember? We don't acknowledge the existence of those terms."

She had been right; he wore no underwear at all. There was only a brief glimpse of his nakedness but he was every bit as beautiful as she'd ever imagined, his sex large and heavy, fully erect. Chakotay lifted one of her legs to his shoulder, then tucked her other leg around his waist. It was a position she had read and fantasized about, but never tried. It gave him easy access to her body, and his hands stroked her breasts and belly, thighs and buttocks.

One large hand underneath tilted her pelvis up slightly, rocking more of her weight on her shoulders. His other hand skimmed her inner thigh and his fingers slowly explored her, sliding through her slick folds. Her neck arched and eyes closed at the sensations evoked from his knowing fingers stroking her swollen sex. A thick finger penetrated her vagina. "All right?" he murmured.

All right? Her answer was just a pleasured groan, and she felt a second finger slide into her. Her internal muscles twitched.

Dark brandy, his voice was. Seductive. Sultry. "Beautiful. I can see you, Kathryn - everything. Your sex is red and swollen, glistening with wetness, encasing my fingers in such heat. I'm going to be able to watch us making love, when I pump in and out of you, just like this." His fingers moved and the sensations shot through her, wringing a cry from her throat. His erotic words continued to wash over her.

"Tighten you leg around me, Kathryn. Yes, like that. Now I can use my other hand too. I want to see your jewel." Bringing his hand around her thigh, he gently pushed the engorged flesh back to reveal her clitoris. "Beautiful," he repeated. "The only thing I can't do from this position is lick you, but have to save a little something for next time."

The flick of his finger across her exposed nub made her body jerk. "Too much?" he asked. He moved his hand back under her pelvis to knead her buttocks, and the fingers of his other hand pushed deeper inside her so his thumb could stroke her center. "You should see yourself, Kathryn. So open before me, so hot inside. You have strong muscles, sweetheart. I can hardly wait to feel you grip my cock. Come for me, love. Let me watch you pulse around my fingers."

The hand under her pelvis shifted and she felt his fingers between her buttocks. The fluttering began deep in her belly, and when one finger gently pressed against her back opening, she flew over the edge with a cry.

"Yes, love, yes. I'm going to take you now, like we've both always wanted." Then he was pushing into her, filling her, moving inside her. In spite of her long abstinence, there was no discomfort at all, just an amazing sense of wholeness, oneness. She opened her eyes to see his face contorted in concentration, beads of sweat glistening on his shoulders, highlighting his muscles. His thrusts continued until she spasmed again with a scream, then he took his own release with a groan, arching forward over her body.

Eventually they made it to her bedroom, where the sight of her open drawer full of colorful underwear brought out his teasing grin. "No wonder you never have enough rations to cover your coffee intake. You spend them all on lingerie."

"You complaining?"

The grin turned into a full mind-blowing smile. "Not if you model them for me."

She pulled him down on the bed with her. "Later."

Later never happened. They were too busy mapping each other's bodies with hands, lips, and tongues. Over and over they turned to each other, one or the other whispering, "Just once more." It was magical, perfect. Everything she'd ever imagined.

Toward morning, sleep finally claimed them, and for the first time since their journey began, Kathryn slept the sleep of the truly satiated. When she awoke, he was gone, as she'd half expected he would be. Chakotay was such a gentleman, he would never just assume, and she knew she'd have to give him express permission to stay. She smiled to herself; she would certainly do that, just as soon as they had a moment of privacy today.

Stretching languorously, she was amazed that in spite of their vigorous and repeated lovemaking throughout the night there was no soreness at all, just some mild stiffness in her legs and back. Nothing a hot bath wouldn't take care of. Smiling again, she wondered if she might be able to persuade Chakotay to join her. Probably, if she promised not to use her bubble bath. Kathryn laughed out loud at the idea of her strong, manly first officer reporting for duty smelling of roses or peaches.

With a sigh, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. A bath would have to wait; she didn't know what time it was, but she was sure now there was only time for a sonic shower. At the door of her bathroom, she called out, "Computer, activate sonic shower."

Nothing happened.

She tried again. Still nothing. It suddenly occurred to her that she had not woken to the call of her chronometer as she usually did. Odd.

Grabbing her robe, she walked out to her main room. Chakotay's uniform was gone, but her clothes were where they had landed. She smiled at the sight of one of her boots under the replicator and the other near her couch. Anyone seeing this would know exactly what had happened.

She turned to cross over to her replicator for her usual morning coffee when the sight of her table stopped her. Never again would she look at that table in quite the same way. The next time she and Tuvok had dinner, it was going to have to be in his quarters.

"Computer, coffee, black."

Nothing. Not even a chirp.

What could possibly be affecting the computer like this? The thought briefly passed through her mind that Chakotay might be pulling a practical joke on her, but although he had a mischievous side, she was certain he would never do something like this. Reaching for her jacket on the floor, she tapped the comm badge. "Janeway to bridge."

The complete lack of response unsettled her, and she tried again. "Janeway to engineering. Torres, report."

Silence.

In less than two minutes, she was dressed and ready to leave, but the automatic door mechanism wasn't working. Pulling off the panel next to the door, she used the manual override so she was able to pry the doors open. Just before she stepped through the small gap, she turned back long enough to grab her phaser.

The hallway was dark and empty. Her mind scrambled, trying to form a hypothesis as to what might have happened. Had they been boarded? But why wouldn't someone have contacted her? If something had happened to the crew, why was she left?

At the tubolift, she pressed the button, not expecting anything to happen. It was a shock when the doors hissed opened. It was an even greater shock when she saw what was inside. The awfulness of it crept over her skin and she felt the blood rush to her feet. Staggering back, she pressed a shaking hand to her mouth.

Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, and Tuvok all stood facing her, staring coldly, dressed in full Borg regalia. The Borg had come and taken over her ship without her even knowing. Her brain unfroze enough to get a message to her feet and she turned to run, only to come up against a wall, and her phaser clattered to the floor.

It was a human wall, one that she was now well acquainted with. "Chakotay," she breathed with relief, then looked up.

Those wonderful, animated eyes that had looked at her so lovingly, so passionately just last night, were flat, cold and expressionless. His beautiful face was mottled and sickly looking. A shiver of horrified disbelief danced over her skin and she tried to back away. "No, no. This can't be happening."

The move was made so quickly she didn't even see it coming. His hard hands spun her around, pulling her against him. So different from his loving embrace. The words that came from her lover's lips, and those of her senior staff, were the most hated phrase she'd ever heard.

"We are the Borg. Resistance is futile."

Yet she still struggled, even though the arm around her shoulders across the top of her breasts easily pinned her. She saw his other hand raised in a fist, and thought he was going to punch her.

It would have been preferable to what happened then. The dreaded tubules shot out of the back of his hand and began to descend toward her neck.

Her struggles became frantic. "No. No. No!" Her last word was a scream.

*****