Rated NC-17 if you are under age, DO NOT READ THIS SECTION, go to the PG13 section
Disclaimer: See Part 1.
He slept for another four hours. Kathryn sat on the bed, propped up against a couple of pillows, reading reports. Her one hand rested on Chakotay's shoulder, satisfying her own need to have contact with him. This time, even before he began to stir, she could sense the need in him, like a pressure in her mind. It increased to the point of almost desperation as he approached full consciousness. *Kathryn* she heard in her mind, *I need you.* His arms were reaching for her, before his eyes were even open.
*I'm here,* she answered his thought. "I'm here," she repeated out loud, and moved into his arms. He groaned at the contact, holding her so tightly she almost couldn't breath. His hands pressed her close, as though he was trying to physically draw her inside him, but it wasn't enough.
"Kathryn," he murmured. *Kathryn,* his mind echoed. Wave after wave of need billowed over her, making her gasp. She pushed him onto his back, pulling off his tee shirt. She straddled him, sitting upright for a moment to tug her own tee shirt over her head, hearing his momentary cry in her head at the loss of contact with her. Returning, she lay full length along him, sensing his relief as their skin touched together for the first time. His hands moved restlessly up and down her back from neck to the waistband on her leggings, touching, pressing, but it still wasn't enough. *Kathryn, please,* she heard his plea.
"Chakotay, I'm here for you," she told him in words. She raised herself up to look down into his strained face. He sensed her gaze and his eyes opened, so dark as to appear completely black. *Take what you need,* she told him in thought. *Take all that you need.*
He pressed his hand at the back of her head, raising his at the same time in an urgency to seal their mouths together. He held her in place, kissing her so hard, she knew her lips would be swollen, maybe bruised. It didn't matter. They had already kissed minds, souls, their torsos together, and now their lips. As his tongue touched her lips, she opened her mouth to him. She would give him everything he needed, whatever he needed, all that he needed.
Unblocking her mind to him, she poured into him all the love she'd hidden for so long, even from herself, holding back nothing. It gradually soothed his desperation and without releasing her, his head eased back onto the pillow. She had no idea how long they kissed, lips and tongues searching, tasting, tangling. On and on it went. Each time she thought he was satisfied, he reached out for her again. If this were all he needed, to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her endlessly, she'd give it gladly. If he needed all of her, she'd give it.
She could feel his mind calming, but still he kissed her. She stroked his face, his hair with her hands. His one hand still cupped her head, although she made no move, physically or mentally to resist or draw away. His lips gentled, became slow, tender. Still he kissed her. His hand stroked down her spine to the small of her back. He released her head, adding that hand to his exploration. And still he kissed her.
Joy began to rise within her. This was Chakotay, her friend, her love, lying underneath her, opening himself to her, allowing her to meet his need. A man strong enough to be vulnerable. She felt the aching need within him begin to undo like a tangled skein of wool unraveling, felt his joy taking wing to meet hers.
She shivered a little, and he reached out his long arm for her tee shirt. She was bare to the waist, and as she sat up, about to pull it on, she felt the gentle caress of his mind telling her she was beautiful. She paused and slowly laid aside the shirt. She felt a little shy, but sensed his delight in just looking at her.
He was aware of her self-consciousness, aware of what she was giving to him. Her skin glowed pale in the dim light, the dusky tips of her nipples prominent as the chill touched them. "Kathryn, come under the covers." She did as he said and snuggled back down against his warmth as he pulled the blankets over them. He turned them on their sides and cradled her against him until her shivering stopped. He eased her onto her back, and with his mind, sought her permission to look at her and to touch her. He felt a breathless anticipation in her.
He was immeasurably touched when she stated, "Computer, raise temperature by two degrees," and slowly pushed the blankets down from where they were tented over his shoulders.
She was beautiful, slender, with narrow shoulders and too tiny waist. "So beautiful," he whispered tenderly to her. His gaze moved over her upper body, the delicate collarbones, the small round breasts. He wanted to touch them.
*Go ahead,* he heard in his mind. His eyes flicked up to hers, seeing her permission and something more. Yes, he could see it in her eyes, feel it in his mind. Her desire. For him. To have his hands on her. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting it seep into him, washing his soul like a fresh rain shower. Opening his eyes, he watched his own hand move to her waist.
The first contact against her silky skin brought a shudder to him and a gasp from her. Not only were they each feeling the touch, but they also felt the pleasure of the other. He slid his hand slowly up her side, stroking the soft curve of her breast before returning to her waist. His thumb rested on her flat stomach and his fingertips dipped under the waistband of her leggings.
"You can take them off, if you want."
He pressed a kiss, then another between her breasts, turning his face to feel her softness against his skin. He bowed his head against her bare shoulder, humbled by her trust. He longed for her, to be one with her, and was almost overwhelmed by the knowledge that she returned that desire. But battling with his want, and quickly winning supremacy, was enervating fatigue. He had fantasized about making love to this woman in practically every location on this ship, and at every stop along the way of this journey, and here she was finally with him and he was about to fall asleep on her.
Kathryn turned her head to look at him as a sense of amusement drifted from him. "What?" His eyes were closed.
*This time you're in my bed and I'm still too tired to do anything about it.*
She smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Chakotay," she whispered out loud, "I love you so."
He opened his eyes briefly. "I know it," he smiled. "But it's still nice to hear."
An hour later, Kathryn stood in a shower, considering the ironies of life. She had briefly contacted Tuvok and asked him to step from the bridge to her ready room, ostensibly to read something from a padd on her desk, but really to give her privacy to let him know how things were going with Chakotay. She learned that all was well with the ship, repairs were complete and Voyager was proceeding at warp 6.5 on course for the Alpha Quadrant.
She shook her head at how ridiculous her life was, having to be thrown 70,000 light years across a galaxy in order to find the love of her life. And she had no doubt that the beautiful, complex man sleeping in the other room was that love. She laughed out loud. Utterly ridiculous.
She sobered, thinking with sorrow of young Cadrin Gennedai, dead these many years. Kathryn knew perfectly well that had she herself been in that Cardassian prison much longer, she too would have met the same fate at the hands of the guards. And as she was from the much-despised Starfleet, she had no doubt they would have taken special joy in their assignment.
Tuvok had commented that the very things that made the commander a good soldier also made him a poor soldier, integrity, sensitivity and compassion. She remembered Chakotay's ancient legend to her on New Earth of the angry warrior. Who wouldn't get angry at all the injustices he had seen? She only knew she was deeply grateful to those Bajoran practitioners who had saved him for her now.
Even while standing under the shower, she was aware of the instant Chakotay awoke, and was equally aware that the need she felt from him this time had much more to do with his love and desire for her than his pain and grief. She felt his eyes on her and turned in the shower to see him standing at the door of the cubicle, openly watching her. His eyes were black with desire. His chest was strongly muscled and she wanted to touch him. She extended her hand to him, and he shucked his sweat pants, stepping into the shower with her.
As the spray began to hit him, she followed the drops of water with her fingers, watching his face as his eyes closed. He was a beautiful man, broad, solid, muscles prominent in his chest, thighs and abdomen. His sex was large, fully engorged and he shivered as her fingers ran over him, exploring him. She kissed him in the middle of his chest, as he had done to her earlier, then moved to run her tongue around his nipple, making his breath explode in a groan.
She knelt before him to lick up his hard length, hearing his hiss of breath. "What do you want, Chakotay?" she murmured against him, holding his hips. "Tell me. This is for you."
He pulled her to her feet. "Then give me your pleasure, Kathryn. I want to please you. I want to feel you come apart under my mouth. I want to put my fingers inside you and feel you clench around me. I want to hear you cry out my name as I fill you over and over."
His bold erotic words inflamed her with the visions they brought to her mind and she pulled his head down to her urgently, kissing him wildly. He began to slide down her body, pausing to suck her nipple vigorously, nipping gently. He kissed down over her flat stomach, kneeling before her, parting the dark curls. She spread her legs for him, allowing him easy access and he touched his lips and tongue to her.
Not only did he have the delight of what he was doing, the taste and scent of her, but the sensations of her increasing arousal coursing through his mind were powerful. He brought one hand up to stroke her folds before sliding a finger inside her heat. He could hear her cries in his ears, in his mind, then her climax exploded over them both, nearly collapsing them to the floor of the shower.
He needed her now. Immediately. He stood and turned her quickly, bringing her hands up to brace against the back wall of the shower stall. He positioned himself, bent his knees and slid home. He didn't sense any pain from her, just a completion that matched his own. His chest was against her back and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. He nuzzled her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck.
Kathryn felt filled beyond capacity with her own pleasure and his, her heart, her body, her mind. The overwhelming sensations spiraled within and without as he pressed along her back, against her buttocks and inside her. Her one hand reached back to stroke his hip. "Go on Chakotay, take it all. Finish us."
Her words were wild in his ears and he began to move inside her. His hands glided over her wet body to cup and caress her breasts and then he slowly, slowly slid one hand down to stroke the slickness between her legs. Her arousal was like a red haze in his mind as his fingers circled the center of her desire. His hips pumped into her of their own accord, filling her again and again, just as he had said. He felt her body move with every thrust of his, and as her breathing accelerated, he increased his pace, unable to stop himself from emptying into her with a cry of release that was more than just physical. Her head fell back against his shoulder as she arched against his hands and he felt her spasm around him, calling his name.
Over the sound of ragged breathing, words of love were given and received in drifting thought and tender murmurs.
Much later, dinner was Rijellian vegetable stew, another recipe Kathryn found in Chakotay's database. "So you can cook," he commented.
"Of course. I just need the right motivation, that's all."
Chakotay had a feeling he was going to be hearing from the Engineering department on his overuse of water, considering his own very long shower, then Kathryn's, followed by both of theirs. He wondered if he should tell them the truth.
"You better not, mister," she declared, letting him know that his thoughts were still open to her.
He felt his love for her swell in his heart. She had rescued him, set him free. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
She smiled at him over her coffee cup, sending her thoughts to him. *Oh, I think I do. Do you know how much I love you?* She let her mind pull up one of her fantasies, of them locked together in passion, him moving strongly into her as she lay under him, clasping him with her legs, their bodies linked at mouths and loins.
He closed his eyes as the picture flooded his mind. "Oh, Kathryn," he moaned.
He opened his eyes to find her bending over him, her lips against his ear. "Think you could help me fulfill that fantasy?"
*I think I could manage,* he sent back to her and sealed their mouths with a searing kiss.
Chakotay slept another eight full hours that night and reassured her in the morning that it would be fine for her to return to duty. He stroked his hand through her hair, glad of the freedom to do so. *I'm sure you'll know if I need you,* his voice sounded in her head.
It was afternoon when Kathryn felt it begin. She was in a meeting with Seven and Harry regarding the astrometrics lab. At first she didn't realize what was happening, but gradually became aware of a slow creeping of sadness upon her mind. It wasn't long before she recognized the origin of the grief that encroached in increasing measure. She shocked her two crewmen when she stood abruptly and excused herself, saying she'd have to continue the meeting at another time.
It was almost crushing by the time the turbolift finally arrived. She impatiently waited for the lift to deposit her on their floor, using the technique Tuvok had given her to draw away Chakotay's emotion, rather than relaying it back to him. Startled looks followed her as she literally ran down the hall toward Chakotay's quarters.
She found him sitting on the floor, back against the couch. His eyes were closed but his face was awash with tears. She wrapped her arms around him and silently drew his pain away from him. Eventually he opened his eyes. "If only we, or anyone, had been able to get there before all her hope was gone. She had so much life before her. She wasn't even twenty yet," he whispered.
There was nothing to say, so she just sat with him and held him. He sighed. "I know on a certain level," he tapped his temple, "this happened a long time ago, but on another level," he pointed to his heart, "it feels like now."
"We'll get through this, Chakotay. Together. At least there are no more shadows any more."
He shrugged a little. "Maybe. But I didn't know this one existed, either.
She took his face in her hands. *It doesn't matter,* she thought to him. *If there are more, we'll get through them, too. Who knows? Maybe next time it will be me.*
He stroked the back of his knuckles down her cheek. *Then I'll be there for you.* And she knew he would be.
A week later, Kathryn entered the mess hall and greeted a number of her crew before taking her dinner tray to sit at the table next to where Tuvok and Chakotay were playing Kal-toh. During the previous week, they had both met with the Vulcan almost daily to learn to control the mental link between them, having decided that the benefit outweighed any disadvantage. Each day, Kathryn had been aware that Chakotay's sorrow, while not leaving, was becoming less predominant, more integrated within him.
After a couple of tastes, she pushed her plate away. Neelix was in rare form today. As she reached for her coffee cup, she distinctly heard, *Eat your dinner, Kathryn.*
She glanced at the opposite table. Chakotay still appeared to be concentrating on his next move. *Or what?* she answered back, saucily.
*Or you can forget about me paying for any more of your coffee.*
"Oh, all right," she grumbled, and picked up her fork. He looked over at her, giving her that devastating smile that weakened her knees. Good job she was sitting down. His smile just got bigger, and she realized she hadn't guarded her thoughts well enough. Drat. It didn't do to give the man too much leverage.
It wasn't long before Chakotay lost to the master. Tuvok extended his hand. "Congratulations, Commander. You are learning and definitely improving."
As they all headed back to their quarters, Tuvok went ahead to allow the command team to follow at their own pace. "So, you two are getting along better," Kathryn stated.
Chakotay quirked his eyebrow at her. "Indeed."
She shook her head. "You're incorrigible."
He just grinned as two crewmen passed them. *But you love me anyway.*
She continued to look straight ahead but couldn't stop the twitch of her lips. *Yes, I do.*
They had reached the turbolift. *Want to do something about that?*
She tried hard to appear serious, as the doors opened, allowing Joe Carey and Tabor to exit. *I just might. Think you're up to the task?*
He glanced at her. *Most definitely, Captain.*
Once the doors were safely shut, Chakotay drew her gently into his arms, leaning his head back against the wall. The sorrow from young Cadrin Gennedai's death was still present with him, as well as the suffering of the others that had gone before, but it no longer dominated and overpowered him. He looked down at the small woman in his arms, thanking the spirits for bringing her into his life.
"I've been thinking about redecorating."
"Redecorating," he echoed. "Where, specifically?"
"My quarters," she told him.
"Really? What do you want to do?"
"I was thinking of taking down the wall between our quarters. What do you think?"
His breath stopped, as he knew full well what this meant. She was making a long-term commitment to him, as well as being willing to openly acknowledge their relationship before the crew, since obviously a few people would be involved in completing the renovation. *I think it's a great idea,* his mind touched hers. "I love you," he told her.
She smiled up at him. "I know it. But it's still nice to hear."
The End
Feedback? Yes, please.
© Brianna Thomas, December 2001 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.