ONCE MORE FOR THE FIRST TIME

The other crewmembers, both future and present, had just left Engineering to return to their respective sections within the time-fractured Voyager. Chakotay was left alone with the Kathryn who was yet to become his captain and best friend.

She turned to him. "We work well together."

"We always did. Right from the start." He shrugged at her raised eyebrow. "With the occasional bump along the way just to keep things interesting."

She turned and strolled in the direction of the railing around the warp core, so he followed at her shoulder, just like always. Her head was lowered as though she was contemplating something. They had a few minutes before the others reached their sections and Chakotay had to initiate the warp pulse that would begin the attempt to restore the timeline. "Could I ask you a few questions?" she inquired.

Kathryn had been peppering him with questions all the way through this strange event, so the fact that she was asking permission this time told him that these were going to be whoppers. "Will I have to violate the Temporal Prime Directive?"

They turned to face each other, leaning casually against the railing, the swirling light of the warp core bathing them both with its blue glow. It was her turn to shrug. "Maybe just a little." She was studying her clasped hands. "For two people who started out as enemies, it seems we get to know each other pretty well. I've been wondering," she looked up at him, "just how close do we get?"

Knowing that she'd always been able to read him too well, he had to look away. His thoughts were careening. He didn't consider lying to her; there was no telling what damage might be done to the timeline and how many other people's lives might be altered. He was pretty sure she wouldn't remember this at all, but there really was no way to be certain, so he needed to be careful. He finally looked back at those piercing blue eyes. "Let's just say, there are some barriers we never cross."

She studied him. Oh, the multitude of things left unsaid by those words. She could tell he was deliberately keeping his features still, almost mask-like. Her jumbled thoughts began to line up like steppingstones across a river. "So, we're friends then?" Hop. The first stone.

They'd already established that early on, so he just nodded.

"You've been in the Delta Quadrant for nearly seven years?" Hop. Next stone.

He nodded again.

"Have we established contact with Earth yet?" Hop.

Chakotay had an awful suspicion where she was headed with this. "We have regular contact now, even visually."

She looked up at him. "When did communications begin?" Hop.

He tugged at his earlobe, and somehow she sensed that this was a gesture of his that he used when he was uncomfortable. He sighed. "About three and half years into the journey."

Three and a half years. She knew the ship would have been declared lost long before that. "How did that come about?" A hop to another stone.

He knew she wasn't going to leave this alone, but he would still skim the events as much as possible. "First, we sent our EMH along a network we came across and he got word through that we were alive. Then Starfleet Command put together a communiqué of letters from home for a lot of the crew." His mind flicked to that emotional time. Delight, pain, sorrow, disappointment, joy, loss and so much more, with such a deluge of fallout for everyone.

"Do I get a letter from home?" Hop.

Her voice called him back from his musings. Damn her. This Kathryn didn't know him at all, but somehow she already knew he would be unable not to answer. "Yes, you do."

She could see the struggle within him and pressed on. "Do you?" Hop. Almost a splash. She watched the pressing of his lips together and the tightening around his eyes. Definitely not pleasant memories, so she veered back on course. "Is my letter from my family?" Hop.

He just looked at her. There was pain within him at the idea of hurting her. "Kathryn…"

Her eyes widened. "My mom…?" Balancing precariously on a slightly shifting rock.

Now she'd trapped him. There was no way he could leave her thinking that something had happened to her family. He just hated the thought of breaking her heart while she was still in love. He hated being the one to inflict another cut considering all the wounds that were yet to come. "No," he said quickly. "No, your family's fine, Kathryn. The letter was from Mark."

She had reached the center of the river, the deepest part. The look of sorrow he was unable to hide told her all she needed to know. She looked away quickly, surprised at the prick of tears, the sting of betrayal. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to steady herself. "Oh Mark," she whispered, "always the practical one." She saw Chakotay's hand come into her line of vision and take hold of her hand. Swallowing hard, she met his sympathetic gaze. "Well. I did ask, didn't I?"

He ran his thumb over her knuckles and watched as she regrouped from the emotional blow. Her thoughts flickered across her face and he knew he wasn't off the hook yet.

She was a little shaky, but she continued. "So, almost three and a half years ago I got dumped. Am I alone now?" Careful hop to the next stone.

Chakotay thought of the many times that issue had arisen, and how many times he'd told her exactly what he was going to say now. "You're not alone."

Kathryn heard what he was saying and what he wasn't saying. She looked at the face of the handsome man before her. He was so much more than what his file indicated, and she wondered how much of that had been deliberate on the part of Starfleet Command, to portray him in a certain light that would guarantee her cooperation. She'd seen his dedication throughout this strange day, his commitment, and now his gentleness and kindness. "Are you?" Big hop, almost there.

The question hung in the air between them with a breathless anticipation. He looked away briefly, wondering how in the world to answer her. Was he alone? Sometimes he felt desperately alone and lonely and sometimes he felt so full he wondered how it could be possible to contain more. He thought of the joy their friendship brought him, as well as the yearning that still lay buried deep within "Our status is the same."

She thought she could see something more in his eyes, something being kept hidden with careful and tight control. He was still holding her hand, so as she took a step closer to him, in order to ease the angle of their grip, she turned her hand and linked her fingers with his.

It shattered the control he was hanging onto and he gasped, his face crumpling into a mass of emotion. "Kathryn." His voice was a ragged whisper.

It was evident that the gesture held great meaning for him. The barrier came crashing down and she could see all that he had kept carefully sequestered away. She felt a stab of shame at the pain that she had obviously caused him in his past. She rested her other hand against his chest and his breath exploded from him as if she had punched him.

He had to close his eyes against the tidal wave of feelings. When he opened them again and looked down into her beautiful face, he knew he'd only been deluding himself all these years. His love for her hadn't mellowed to simple friendship but was still as strong as it ever was. His voice was gravelly. "You've touched me like that probably a few hundred times over the last seven years."

Looking into his eyes, Kathryn knew it would be very easy to love this man. It was suddenly all so plain to her, so perfectly clear. The final leap was made before she even asked her question. "You know about what happened to my father and my first fiancé, Justin, don't you?" At his nod she continued. "It almost killed me. I know myself, Chakotay. In some things, I can be fearless."

He smiled gently at her. "Like chasing after fierce Maquis rebels?"

She grinned back. "Exactly. But in other things, like relationships, well…" She glanced aside, before whispering, "I'm a coward. I can guarantee that if I somehow lost Mark, I'd be running hard from any possible closeness. And the more I felt for someone," she shrugged one shoulder, "the harder I would run."

She saw comprehension cross his face and glanced from their clasped hands to his eyes, giving him the classic Janeway half grin. "Who knows, Chakotay? When you get back, maybe things will be different. But if they're not…" She stepped closer until they were barely separated. "Promise me you'll try again?"

Try again? He'd gladly go back to the other side of the Delta Quadrant and start all over if it meant a chance at truly joining his life with this remarkable woman. At his nod, she smiled brilliantly and he couldn't help smiling back.

She stepped back and dropped her hand from his chest. Their fingers slowly slid apart and she turned to go. Pausing, she glanced back at him over her shoulder. "See you in the future," she murmured.

Chakotay watched the doors to Engineering close before turning to the task at hand. What an extraordinary day this had turned out to be. "Only in the Delta Quadrant," he laughed out loud. He was aware of something bubbling within him, something so rare as to resemble an endangered species. It was hope.

She spent the whole trip in the lift standing close beside him, trying to wheedle out of him what had happened. He just laughed at her and shook his head. She pouted, which made him laugh more. She seemed very relaxed and her face had a special glow. Echoing through his head were the words, "When you get back, maybe things will be different. But if they're not, promise me you'll try again. Promise me…" He'd never failed in a promise to Kathryn yet, and he wasn't about to start now. When they exited the lift, he placed his hand in the small of her back, walking a little closer to her than normal. She made no comment or move to step away from him. As she keyed in her code at the door, he stood very close behind her and moved his thumb slightly, feeling the muscles in her back through her uniform. She glanced over her shoulder at him and gave him what appeared to him to be a mischievous look.

Once inside the doors, Kathryn called for lights. Chakotay took two steps forward and stopped in utter amazement. The table was still set for dinner but everything else was different. The couch and chair were now covered with throws exactly like the ones in his quarters. One wall held a sand painting he didn't recognize, and also a painting that Kathryn had given him for his birthday one year. There was a new wall unit and a couple of native-looking carvings sat there, as well as items he recognized from their shore leaves along the way.

When you get back, maybe things will be different. He was starting to feel lightheaded.

Kathryn turned to him with a smile, about to say something, until she saw his shocked appearance. His breathing was very shallow. "Chakotay, honey, what's wrong?"

Honey? His eyes snapped from surveying the room to her concerned face as she approached him. She reached to touch him, and something glinted in the light, making him grab for her hand. He stared at a wide gold band engraved with a part of the symbol from his tattoo. "This ring." His voice was little more than a croak.

"I know, I know. You said you'd have something fancier made by our anniversary, but I've told you, it's not necessary," she said soothingly. "I like this one, it matches yours." She turned their hands and he saw a similar gold band on his hand, engraved with the remainder of his symbol.

He stared at the rings for a moment then back at her face. Anniversary? When you get back, maybe things will be different. Maybe things will be different… He couldn't breath and was aware of the encroachment of black spots behind his eyes. He had never fainted before in his life, but knew he was about to now. He had to sit down immediately.

With her arm supporting him around the waist, he staggered to the chair before collapsing, his head dropping forward between his knees. Kathryn knelt anxiously beside him, one hand resting on his back, the other stroking his forehead. She raised her voice. "Computer, site-to-site transport to Sick…"

He grabbed at her hand. "Kathryn," he stared at her ring, "how long?"

He was very pale and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. She didn't understand what was happening here, but she knew something was terribly wrong. She looked into his bewildered eyes. "Almost a year. Our first anniversary is in a couple of weeks."

He closed his eyes and took great gulping breaths. She pushed his head down again, and this time completed the call for a site-to-site transport to Sickbay.

After the doctor's extended examination, he handed the commander a glass of juice. "Your blood sugar is quite low. It's as though you haven't eaten in a number of hours. Also, your electrolytes and your biorhythms are a little off. Your body seems to be about ten hours ahead of where you should be. Care to share what's been happening in your little corner of the galaxy, Commander?"

Glancing at the worried expression on Kathryn's face as she stood beside his biobed, Chakotay knew, Temporal Prime Directive or no Temporal Prime Directive, he needed some answers. He told them both what had happened, watching Kathryn's eyes grow wide.

The doctor pursed his lips. "Hmm. Well, that explains this strange chemical in your bloodstream, and the peculiar entry that just appeared about half an hour ago in my logs regarding treating you for temporal flux. It supposedly happened years ago, before I had my mobile emitter, yet I had no memory of it until now. Obviously something you said or did during your adventure changed things dramatically."

The doctor led the captain over to a computer screen, and Chakotay watched as she read the entry. An awful thought occurred to him. "Doctor, whatever's going on with me, it's not…?"

The doctor quirked his eyebrow. "Your 'crazy' gene?" He used Chakotay's layman's term for his hereditary condition. "No. It still appears dormant. Your hypothalamus seems somewhat overly stimulated, which could be from the chronoton-infused serum, but all that would do is affect your body temperature and your hunger and thirst levels."

When Kathryn finished reading the material, she looked up at him over the console. There was an instant connection, like a living thing. Mixed in with her concern was unveiled love that took his breath away. She turned to the EMH.

"Doctor, could Commander Chakotay be from an alternate universe?"

The hologram shrugged. "I suppose it might be possible, but I really don't think so. His DNA matches perfectly, as well as the pattern of his brain waves. Also, from a non-medical standpoint, the fact that the wedding band appeared on his hand would indicate otherwise." He looked over to the first officer. "Well, Commander, as far as I can see, there's nothing sufficiently wrong with you to warrant keeping you here. I suggest a meal and a good night's rest. Perhaps once the serum has metabolized out of your system, things will sort themselves out. I'd like to see you in the morning. I recommend you take the day off tomorrow. And Captain," he turned to her, "it would probably be good for you to spend the time with him, reorienting him." When he received no objections from the command team, he muttered as he turned away, "Well. If only it was always that easy."

Once he indicated he felt up to walking, Chakotay and Kathryn exited Sickbay to return to their quarters. Their quarters. He shook his head at the thought. He glanced down at the woman beside him as she nonchalantly slipped her hand into his as they walked to the lift. Passing crewmembers nodded casually to the command team as though this was a common sight.

He noted that the replicator was in one piece, so while Kathryn got their dinner, Chakotay wandered the main room, looking at this and that. He studied the sand painting under its glass. There was something about the colors that reached out to him from long years past.

"You gave me that as an engagement present. You said the colors reminded you of…"

" - New Earth," he finished for her.

In the middle of their meal, Chakotay slipped his ring off and studied his finger curiously. It was marked with an indentation, as though the ring had resided there for some time. He slid it back on and looked up to find her watching him carefully. "Tell me about us," he said. "When did our relationship begin to change?"

"Shortly after we got our first letters from home." He could see from her soft expression that she was remembering. She smiled at him gently. "I'd loved you since New Earth, but it was Mark's letter that set me free."

Chakotay thought of their conversation by the warp core that had centered around that particular time and wondered if this could be the cause of the changes. But that would mean she would have had to remember and… He rubbed his forehead. He was no better at dealing with temporal matters than Kathryn. She was still speaking, so he focussed his attention.

"I was afraid of losing you as well, but…" She looked down, and he was surprised to see her blush. "I wanted you even more than I was afraid." She smirked a little. "It seems we had an interesting time together when the Hirogen took over and I was in the French resistance and you were in the American Army. Then, you have some very entertaining handwritten notes from a time when we were visited by a Ramuran woman named Kellin who was hitting on you, and you weren't the least bit interested. Apparently she wasn't very impressed with your response, but I certainly was."

He had to look away, ashamed at how different things had been for him. While it touched him deeply to hear that Kathryn had loved him that long, he needed to know more. "When did we become lovers?"

Her smiled turned tender. "It was after we went through the void. You helped me so much during that time. I was so depressed that I would never have made it to the bridge at all if it hadn't been for you. We went to work together every morning, and every night you held me while I cried. I could never have made it without you, and I knew I didn't want to be apart from you any more."

Chakotay stood and walked to the viewport, leaning on the bulkhead. So different from his reality, and he had no doubt many other events were positively affected simply by the change in their relationship. He'd always known they would be good together, known it deep in his soul. Maybe things will different when you get back. He sighed, feeling her hand stroke up his back.

"What is it, my love?" she murmured.

He groaned, closing his eyes briefly, then turned to her and took her hands. "Kathryn, you call me your love, but…" He struggled to find the words. He lifted one of her hands, kissed the back of it, then kissed her wedding band. It was hard to speak. He looked around the room and then back at her. "I've loved you for so long. This is everything I've ever wanted - us, together. But I don't remember any of it. I don't remember the first time you told me you loved me, the first time we made love, or asking you to marry me. I did ask you to marry me, didn't I?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes, you did. Right after we made love for the first time. I told you 'maybe.' I wanted to wait and see if we could handle a professional and personal relationship, as well as see how the crew would respond."

"Obviously they, and we, handled it fine." He'd always believed they could do it.

She smiled. "Actually, the crew seemed happier and more relaxed than ever, yet Tuvok reported to me that if anything, efficiency seemed increased, and you can believe that if there had been any problems, Tuvok would not have hesitated to bring it up. We have three more married couples now, two of whom are expecting, and another one is engaged." She paused, reflecting. "I recognized how much I loved you when it was almost impossible for me to pretend to be interested in Kashyk in order to gain his trust. I constantly felt like I needed a bath, just being near him. Then after we sailed through dealing with the Equinox crew and the silliness of Seven and her conspiracies, I knew we'd be fine. We got married in Fair Haven."

"I feel…" He shook his head sadly. "I feel robbed. I don't remember any of it - our wedding, our honeymoon. Did we have one?"

"Italy, for three whole days on the holodeck. It was the crew's wedding present to us. Just a second." She turned and walked into the bedroom. Their bedroom. She returned in a moment with a framed picture and handed it to him. "This is your favorite. You have a copy in your office."

It was a picture of the two of them, flanked by Tom and B'Elanna, with Tuvok standing in the background. The other three were facing forward, but he and Kathryn were gazing at each other with big smiles, as though they were completely alone. The joy emanating from the picture was almost palpable. It felt so strange to look at a picture of himself like that, probably the happiest day of his life, and yet to have no recollection of it at all.

"So Tuvok married us." At her confirming nod, he asked, "Is there a copy of our vows?"

"The doctor made a holovid of the whole ceremony, but I can tell you what we said. I told you that just like our wedding bands, we were two halves of one whole and that my entire being was knit to yours. I said that I loved you and that I would continue to love you and support you through all of life's journey, whatever it brought us." Her eyes were shining and her smile was a little wobbly. "You told me about an angry warrior who had found peace joining his life to a woman warrior, and completeness in his soul in the uniting of their hearts. You promised that you would never leave me and vowed to always care for and support me. You said you could hardly remember a time when you hadn't loved me and that you would…"

" - love you for all eternity." He heard her delighted exclamation.

"You remember?" Her face was full of hope.

He shook his head. "No. It's what I always wanted to say to you."

"Oh, Chakotay." Her expression was infinitely tender. She cupped his face in her hands. "I love you." As he closed his eyes, she knew that although she had said those words to him probably a couple of thousand or more times, he was hearing them for the first time.

"And I love you." His emotions were shaking him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his face against her hair. "We're married, yet I've never even kissed you," he murmured.

Kathryn slid both her arms around his neck. She could feel the trembling in his body and the press of his desire against her. She lifted her head to look into his face. "You can change that right now." She watched the play of emotions across his face and let him set the pace. Slowly, slowly he lowered his head to hers. Over the last three years, their kisses had become easy, accepted, certain, and now she was about to experience their first kiss all over again.

He groaned at the first brush of their lips, feeling something explode within him. Her mouth was open, willing, and he took what she offered. Sweet touches, tender and soft, again and again, as all the years of longing came pouring out of him. He kissed the corners of her mouth, tracing her lips with his tongue. The sound from deep in her throat shattered his tenuous control and he plunged his tongue into her mouth, in and out, toying, playing, sucking. It was slurpy and noisy. They broke apart and rested their foreheads together, laughing.

"Not the greatest of finesse," he grinned ruefully. "How did that compare to our other first kiss?"

"Different," she grinned back. "A little more urgent, I'd say. But then, you've been waiting a lot longer, poor hungry boy." She kissed him lightly.

Holding her with one arm, he looked at their wedding picture still in his other hand. "It looks like a lovely dress. Do you still have it?" At her nod, he regarded at her thoughtfully. "Would you put it on for me?" Holding his gaze, she backed slowly out of his arms with what could only be described as a seductive smile, and entered the bedroom.

Setting the picture on the coffee table, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm his body. He looked at the doorway. It was their bedroom, yet he'd never even set foot in it. He had the right to, and he swayed slightly, undecided. He turned abruptly to the wall and flattened his palms against the cool of the viewport. A slight sound behind him caused him to swivel around and he froze, struck dumb.

It was a pale ivory long-sleeved dress with a wide neck that just barely sat on her shoulders. It hugged her body, sweeping to the floor with a small circle of fabric trailing behind as a train. She was exquisite and he could hardly breathe at the sight of her.

"Nice to know I haven't lost my touch," she said, smiling as she stood before him.

"Gods, Kathryn, you are so beautiful." He blinked against the sudden onslaught of tears. "How did I ever make it through that ceremony?"

"You cried that day too when you saw me." She instructed the computer for music and took his hands, drawing them around her. "Dance with me."

As his hand touched the warmth of exposed skin, he sucked in his breath. He turned her, observing the low cut of the dress, the bare expanse of elegant back. He glided his hand up her spine, feeling the play of muscles under the silky skin. He turned her around again. "You're destroying me. You know that, don't you?"

She leaned forward, whispering once more against his lips, "Dance with me."

Eyes locked, they moved around the room, a hip occasionally brushing a chair at the table, a calf bumping the coffee table. He was sure now that she was more beautiful than when he had started this whole bizarre adventure. She seemed relaxed and there were more laugh lines and fewer stress lines on her face. Her eyes were clear and bright and there were no dark circles under them. He released her hand to slide his fingers through her hair and then stroked one finger over her eyebrow.

Kathryn smiled at his light touch. "You've done that so often and I never asked why."

"Have I?" Nice to know some things were consistent. "I always thought your eyebrows were like the wings of a bird." He did it again. "So many times I wanted to do that on the bridge."

"Really?" She arched that delicate eyebrow at him. "And what else have you wanted to do on the bridge, Commander?"

A slow smile spread across his face. "Are you really sure you want those kinds of images going through your mind while you're on the bridge, Captain?"

"It would certainly alleviate the boredom. Besides, what makes you think you're the only one who entertains fantasies while on duty?" she teased. "Like I told Tom after we were lizards, sometimes it's the female who initiates things."

So this was what a relationship with him had done for her. It pleased him tremendously, although it was going to take a little getting used to this new playful Kathryn. They had stopped dancing and her hands were moving slightly on his chest. Suddenly his peace was back and a sense of rightness settled over him. He had started his life over so many times now; what was once more, especially when he held in his hands everything he'd ever dreamed of? He was happier at this moment than he had been in years - maybe in his life. He frowned as a thought popped into his head.

"What?"

"I'm just hoping like hell that I'm not dreaming," he replied.

She shrugged. "Well, if you are, it must be the longest continuous dream on record."

"If it is, I don't want to wake up. Kathryn…" He looked down into the beautiful face of his wife. He shook his head.

"What?" she asked again.

He felt slightly bemused. "My wife. I just never…" he trailed off. He stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek.

"Chakotay," she whispered, "let's go make some new memories."

His breath stopped in his throat, hardly able to believe that what he'd only ever dreamed of was now actually going to happen. She took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

He glanced around the room, again seeing what was obviously a combination of their styles as well as their belongings. His hairbrush and some toiletries sat on the dresser beside her brush and cosmetics. This was their place, where they lived and loved. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her uniform in a pile on the floor and what could only be her underwear on top. Did that mean…?

Before he had a chance to contemplate any further, she stepped close and murmured, "Let's get you out of this uniform."

He looked down at the small woman standing before him. He was still in his uniform and boots, and in her bare feet she was tiny. She slid her hands under his jacket, easily releasing the clasp and pushing the garment down his arms. It was obviously something that she'd done many times. His turtleneck followed and she ran her hands over his shoulders, chest and abdomen.

"I've always loved your body," she murmured appreciatively.

The light of love was shining in her eyes and he gathered her close in his arms, reveling in the unaccustomed feel of her body against his, her naked back under his hands. She turned her head, pressing a kiss to his neck, then his lips were on hers, tasting, exploring, delving into her hot mouth. When she unfastened his trousers and reached her hand inside, he grabbed her wrist. "Kathryn," he shook his head, "I'm not going to last. I've wanted you for so long." He was a little embarrassed at being so close to the edge, but he was helpless to control his body.

She touched his cheek. "My poor hungry boy." She'd said the words teasingly before, but now she said them tenderly. Her expression was a little sad. "How could I have been so stupid to deny us both that way?" She rested her hand against his hard belly just inside his trousers. "Let me look after you tonight. It's what we do, Chakotay. We take care of one another. There are times when one of us needs a release and the other is too tired or recovering from some injury, so we take care of each another." She grinned at him. "And yes, believe it or not, there are times when even you, my Maquis stud, are too tired for sex."

"With what we face in this quadrant, I believe it." He knew she'd given him those few moments respite to let him regain a small measure of control.

Her smile turned seductive. "As long as that's not the case tonight." She stepped back from him and slowly brought her hands up to her own shoulders and peeled the dress forward down her arms. Easing it over her hips, it puddled around her ankles in a fall that swept away his meager control. He'd been right about the underwear; she was totally naked and infinitely lovely. She stood before him quietly, unselfconsciously allowing him to look. This was a woman who was free with loving and being loved, confident in her body and comfortable with her sexuality.

"Gods, Kathryn," he breathed, "my imagination was pretty good, but it didn't do you justice." He watched in awe as her hands moved over her own hips, up her sides to pass over the already distended nipples.

"Look Chakotay, they're standing at attention for you."

Control decimated, with a growl he grabbed her around the waist and hauled her to him. Sliding his hands behind her for support, he tipped her back enough to bring her breasts within easy reach. Then those saucy nipples were pointing straight into his mouth and he sucked and licked and nibbled and sucked some more. The cries of pleasure coming from her as she tightly gripped his shoulders only aroused him further. He drew her up against him, feeling the wetness of his own saliva against his chest and then his hands were everywhere on her, caressing, stroking, kneading her softness.

Gradually his hands stilled and his head dropped to her shoulder. The ragged breathing of them both brought chest and breasts bumping together. "Spirits, Kathryn," he managed with some chagrin, "you leave me with no more power over my body than if I were a virgin again."

She kissed him softly. "Then come and make love with me for the first time once more."

He skimmed his hand up her back to her bare shoulder, brushing his thumb along her collarbone. "I want to please you, but I don't know what you like."

Taking his other hand, she pressed it between her legs. "You're doing just fine." He groaned as she guided his fingers through her swollen slickness. "You see," she breathed, "I'm ready for you now."

How was it possible for something to happen quickly yet slowly at the same time? Kathryn helped to strip him of the rest of his clothes, then they were on the bed and he was sinking, sinking into her welcoming heat, feeling her body encase him. He tried to hold on, but he may as well have tried to hold the wind, for when her hands clenched his buttocks, he lost it and his body took over. Thrusting powerfully, feeling her pelvis arch to meet him, her tugging hands urging him on, he called her name again and again until he was spent.

Her hands stroked his back and it was a long time before his breathing settled enough to speak. There were no words for what he'd just experienced. All he could say was, "I love you, Kathryn." Her lips were against his temple and he felt her smile.

"I know, my love. I know."

When he moved to separate them, her arms tightened around him. "Not yet. Don't leave me yet."

He looked down into that beautiful flushed face. He'd always hoped, but never really believed that he'd ever see her like this. "I want to satisfy you," he told her.

Kathryn raised her hand to touch his cheek and slid her fingers through his hair. "You have, Chakotay. I love feeling you inside me, filling me. Do you understand? I love it." She carefully emphasized each word. "Sometimes I want and need that oneness with you more than an orgasm. I know you love me; I know you'll take care of me, but this is enough for me right now." She drew his head down for a long tender kiss.

Chakotay was incredibly moved by the level of trust in her words. He shifted a little to be able to look at her strong, slender body, storing the sight in his mind, and the movement was enough to make his flaccid penis slip out of her. He couldn't help smiling at her sigh. He bowed his head for a moment. "Kathryn, please let me. I need this. Just in case…" He looked away. "In case I wake up back where I was or someplace else altogether. Please, I need to make this memory." He knew he was begging and didn't care.

She regarded him carefully as her thumb stroked his cheekbone. Then she kissed him gently. "Do what you want. I'm yours."

When he shifted to the side of her, she shocked him by sliding her own hand between her legs. She brought one finger coated with both of their juices to her mouth and licked the tip. Then she held her hand out to him. He'd never expected this kind of earthy sensuality from her.

"This is us, Chakotay," she whispered as he took her hand and licked it clean. "This is our love."

He was torn between wanting to taste her or watch her, so he did both. He bent over her, smelling the mingled scent of their passion as she spread her legs for him. He swirled his tongue around and through the delicate folds, passing back and forth over her center, reveling in her gasps of pleasure. He finally raised his head and let his fingers explore her, sliding two in and out of her, circling her clitoris with his thumb. He watched the flush spread over her body as she shuddered and writhed under his touch. The sound of her long cry of release and the grip of her inner muscles brought him great joy.

They lay quietly together, his head resting between her breasts, her hands smoothing down his back. "I hope my old quarters are empty," he said. "We weren't exactly quiet and these walls aren't much more than paper."

"Well, actually, Tom and B'E live there now. They need the extra space with the baby coming."

He was too tired to lift his head. It had been an especially long and emotional day for him. "Great. Now you tell me."

She chuckled. "It's okay. The day after they moved in we mutually decided that soundproofing was needed. There are now extra panels on both sides of the wall."

"Do I want to know what prompted that decision?"

"Probably not."

Chakotay slept the whole night with his arms tightly wrapped around her body as if he was afraid of being snatched away from her in his sleep. Kathryn awoke a couple of times during the night, each time finding him in the same position.

When she wakened in the morning, he was gone. The mattress on either side of her was cool to the touch and her heart plummeted within her. There was no other sound at all in the quarters. Panic started to rise in her and she threw off the covers. She saw their clothes still scattered on the floor, including her wedding dress. "I can't lose him. I just can't," she muttered as she fumbled for her robe. She was still tying the sash when she tore into the living area of their quarters.

Chakotay sat on the couch, clad only in his boxers. He was bent over, staring at the wedding picture that sat on the coffee table before him. There were tears on his face.

Her relief at the sight of him was quickly overridden by his obvious distress. She took it to mean that his memories had not returned. Gathering herself together, she sat beside him and rubbed his naked back. His skin was cool under her hand and it was apparent he had been sitting like that for a long time.

He raised his head at her touch. "You wore a peace rose in your hair and it had fallen out just before the picture was taken. Seven broke the heel on one of her shoes while dancing with the doctor at our reception. Mike Ayala and Megan Delaney are the other couple expecting a child, and Harry and Tal Celes are engaged. I remember it all, Kathryn. All of it, both sets of memories. I don't underst…"

He never got a chance to finish, for with a deep sob born from her fear, she launched herself at him, tumbling him back on the couch. She struggled against the robe wrapping itself around her legs as she tugged his boxers off and straddled him, spreading her thighs over his hips. His hands reached to push the robe from her shoulders and it hung at her waist, held in place only by the tie. It was a wild joining, thrusting and pounding against each other, releasing their cries of joyful relief into each other's mouth.

Later that morning in Sickbay, the doctor discovered that the chronton-infused serum had been totally metabolized from the commander's system, which seemed to explain why Chakotay now recalled everything from this timeline. But as to why he still retained the other set of memories, that remained an irritating mystery to the EMH. He postulated that it could be the powerful chrono-kinetic surge that threw the commander's whole body into a state of temporal flux for an extended time, coupled with the fact he was still about ten hours ahead of where he should be. Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other in amusement at the obvious annoyance of the doctor at being stumped by the quirks of the Delta Quadrant yet again.

At lunchtime, wearing casual clothes, they joined Tom, B'Elanna, Harry and Celes at a table in the mess hall. Although not unusual in this timeline, it had never happened in the other one. Chakotay watched with satisfaction as Harry loosely held Celes's hand while he carried on an animated conversation with Tom. Celes and B'E were talking and one of B'E's hands rested easily on Tom's leg, while her other one lay atop of her protruding tummy. She suddenly sat up straight and grabbed Celes's hand, pressing it against her belly. Celes's face broke out into a big grin. She turned to Harry. "Feel this." Pulling Harry away from his conversation with Tom, she dragged his hand over to B'E's stomach. At his smile, she said firmly, "I want one of those."

Harry waggled his eyebrows at her. "Soon."

Tom looked over at the command team. "So what are you guys going to do this afternoon, or shouldn't I ask?"

Kathryn smiled. "I thought we'd take a little trip to Italy."

The other four teasingly said with inflection, "Ooh." Chakotay was happy to see Kathryn just roll her eyes and laugh at them.

After lunch, as they walked the corridor to the holodeck, Chakotay marveled at the differences. The other Kathryn would never have taken an afternoon off like this once the crisis was over. It would have been back to work as usual for her. This Kathryn had been released to be herself, learning how to integrate being the captain and a woman in love. It was also very obvious that this was a crew that was relaxed and worked well together. The events that both ships had faced were the same, but often how this crew handled things and their responses to the events were different, more positive.

Kathryn suddenly put out her hand, stopping Chakotay just before the holodeck doors. "You don't suppose this was all Q's handiwork, do you?"

Chakotay lifted an eyebrow. "Q, do something nice without an extra agenda?"

"It has been known to happen."

Casting glances out of the corner of their eyes at each other they both shook their heads. "Nah."

They stepped through the doors into Maestro da Vinci's studio. There was no sign of the painter for the moment, so Chakotay continued their conversation. "Just as long as Braxton doesn't show up wanting to reset things."

Kathryn didn't bother to inform him that Braxton was persona non gratta on the good ship Relativity after she and Seven had assisted in capturing him for trying to sabotage Voyager. "If he does, I'll just space him out an airlock." She looked at the holographic ceiling, as though someone might be listening. "Just kidding!" she said to whomever.

"Ah, Catarina and Signore Chakotay! So good of you to visit this old man. Come, come." The ebullient artist bustled in. He wiped his hands on a rag and went to his sideboard, scooping up a bottle and three glasses. "You will join me for a little vino, perhaps?" Without waiting for their reply, he poured for each of them and handed the glasses around. He raised his in a toast. "To art and to love."

The maestro had to show 'Catarina' his latest projects, so Chakotay wandered the studio. He wasn't so much interested in the works of art, which he had seen many times, but in stealing glances at the petite woman standing quietly beside the large Italian, whose hands were flying in exuberant description. As though sensing his eyes on her, she looked up. The look of love and desire in those beautiful blue eyes was everything he had ever hoped to see directed at him. Then she broke the mood by sticking her tongue out at him, and he had to turn away or laugh out loud.

"Catarina, my love, do this old man a kindness, eh? I have been working on another flying machine, but I am doubtful about the, how you say, the tail?"

Kathryn smiled at him. "The rudder?"

Da Vinci nodded vigorously. "Sì, the rudder. Would you check my drawings and perhaps make me some suggestions, yes? They are in the other room on the big table."

"Of course, maestro."

Da Vinci tilted his head, watching carefully until Kathryn was out of sight. He beckoned urgently to Chakotay. He bent his head conspiratorially close and whispered, "Signore Chakotay, I have been thinking on the little problem you brought to me when last I saw you."

Chakotay's most recent visit to the holographic studio in this timeline had been made without Kathryn along in order to consult with the old master. "You have an idea about a design of a new ring for her?"

Da Vinci nodded abruptly. "Sì." He glanced back at the doorway as they heard the approach of footsteps. He slapped Chakotay on the back and hissed quickly, "You come to see me next week and I will have something for you then." He straightened up just as Kathryn reentered the room. He pointed out the window as though he had simply been giving directions. "The ristorante is down the first alley on the left. You tell Giamario that Leonardo sent you, and all will be well. Their espresso and biscotti are truly…" he kissed his fingertips.

"Maestro, I think your rudder is too small and too far to the left. If you…"

Chakotay moved a couple of sketches from a stool and after carefully checking it for paint, propped his hip on it to wait for the conversation to wind up. It amused him to see that very shortly, Kathryn's hands were flying as fast as da Vinci's.

He pondered the dichotomy of memories in his mind; on one level, he had been married to the animated woman across the room for nearly year, yet on another, he had only made love to her for the first time last night. Tapping a finger on his chin, he smiled to himself. Perhaps the real truth was that at some point in the past, the timeline had gone off kilter, possibly around the time they first received letters from home. Just maybe, their encounter with the spatial rift had simply reset everything back to how it was actually supposed to be. As far as he was concerned, this was definitely the way that things were meant to be.

Finally, the maestro bid them arrivederci and they stepped outside into the sunshine. Chakotay leaned his head back, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. It was only holographic, but he felt the warmth of the sun's rays on his face seeping into the depths of his spirit. At the touch of her hand on his arm, he opened his eyes. "I like my life," he answered her questioning gaze.

"From what you've told me, I definitely like this life a whole lot better than my other one." She stretched up to kiss his cheek, then whispered in his ear. "I happen to know of a pretty little inn not far from the restaurant Leonardo told you about. I've heard they even rent rooms by the hour."

He breathed in sharply at the light touch of her tongue on his earlobe. When she chuckled at his reaction, he reached out to tickle her side.

"Hey! Watch the hands, mister." She danced away from his probing fingers.

"Brat."

"Am not," she looked at him indignantly. "I'm a spoiled brat. Get your facts straight."

Chakotay burst out laughing as joy and contentment twined like lovers around his soul. He caught her hand and led her along the cobblestone walk. "It certainly is interesting having the two realities in my head at the same time," he said. "I don't know of any other man who got to make love to his woman a second time for the first time."

She stopped, and with a groan, flattened the heel of her other hand against her forehead. "A second time for the first time. That sounds a lot like temporal paradoxes and they always…"

" - give you a headache," he finished, smiling at her. He lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of her wrist. "Yes, I remember. In both sets of memories."

The End

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© Brianna Thomas, February 2002 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.