TO CATCH A CAPTAIN

By Shayenne

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything but I doubt they want this.

Rated PG-13

Written for the Voyager Central competition - a challenge to write a story without using the letter R. Not as easy as it sounds!

 

The command team felt like a change of scene and had the evening meal in Chakotay's cabin. The meal was excellent as usual.

One good thing about the XO was that he definitely could cook, thought the captain. In anyone's book, that was enough to keep him, even without anything else.

"What have we got left to do?" she asked Chakotay.

"Tuvok's weapons submission and B'Elanna's latest suggestions about the engine efficiency. That's it."

Kath put aching feet up on Chakotay's lap and let him massage them. "That's not too much, we can get them done soon and then..." She moaned as Chakotay manipulated a sensitive point.

"And then?" he asked, smiling.

"Bed."

"It's only 1900. Plenty of time to do some staff evaluations." He knew exactly what she had in mind.

"Not if we do what I want to do." She kissed him, so that he was left in no doubt as to what she meant.

He kissed softly back, slipping his tongue into the slick mouth. "Want to stay with me tonight? Test out my bed? That will be a change."

"Yes." She moaned as his insistent hand undid the clasp of the jacket and slipped inside to tease a nipple.

"What if someone comes to find you?" Chakotay slid a questing hand along soft skin as he spoke.

"Same as someone coming to find you when you hide in my cabin. I guess the ship will find out about us soon enough. It would be nice if we could keep it quiet so I can enjoy you fully."

"Umm..."

He stood and taking the hand she extended led his love to his bed.

***

"Damn you, Tom!" The PADD bounced off the bulkhead close to his own significantly less tough head. A coffee mug followed it.

"I told you not to get in the way. I was quite capable of fixing that panel. Why did you have to get that bloody Vulcan involved? Him AND Joe. As if one of them alone wasn't bad enough. My staff knows all too well what I can and can't do, they don't need you to tell them."

He thought she looked beautiful, annoyed eyes, and swollen belly poking out ahead, but the mood swings had doubled in the last few months as the baby got big. He ducked as a boot thudded close to his head.

"B'E..." He attempted to calm his wife, but she wasn't having any of it.

"Leave me alone!"

"B'Elanna..."

"Fine," she snapped. "If you won't leave me alone then I'll leave you. Chakotay will lend me his couch, I know he will."

"B'Elanna... we said we would not sleep alone."

"You said that. I don't think I did."

She flung the left boot, and left the cabin in socked feet.

Tom was stunned. The boot had caught him a glancing blow to the temple. He shook himself into action and exited the cabin to find B'Elanna. She was not in sight. He sighed. She must have made good on the vow to sleep on Chakotay's couch. What had happened to the loving pledge they made not to sleep alone again?

He commenced walking fast to Chakotay's place. Maybe he could still stop his wife. He went full speed down the passage, head down, legs pumping, and came to a sudden stop as he collided with a dumpy, fluffy object.

"God, Neelix. Jeez man, I didn't see you."

'No damage done, Tom." The little Talaxian was as jovial as always. "What's happening?"

Tom explained. "Come with me, Neelix. Please? B'E's less likely to emasculate me if you come too."

"Okay." Neelix fell into step with Tom and they continued to Chakotay's cabin.

"I've an idea." Tom could see the light bulb of an idea glowing above Neelix's head. "I have some banana pancakes in the messhall. Let me get them. We can tempt B'Elanna out with them."

"Good idea. Seduce 'em with sweetness. Can't fail."

The two took a bypass into the mess hall.

"Lieutenant." Seven's svelte shape blocked the exit. "I wish to speak with you."

"Not now, Seven." Tom dodged about, attempting to get past the blonde statue blocking the exit. "Can't it wait?"

"I would choose not to. You know Ensign Kim well. I wish to initiate a sexual act with him, and I am asking you to give me advice."

Tom's jaw fell open. Oh boy, wait until his buddy found out about this. He was split between wanting to pin Seven against the wall in the mess hall and obtain details, and getting B'Elanna back.

"Come with me now, Seven. I just have to talk to B'Elanna, then the two of us will give you all the advice you need."

"B'Elanna is efficient in the game of seduction?" Seven inclined the sculpted blonde head.

"She's the best. Believe me. "Tom winked. "But initially, we have to get B'Elanna back.

He left the messhall, Seven and Neelix following behind, Neelix clutching the pancakes.

The lift came, just as a well-known yellow-clad ensign was leaving it.

"Ensign Kim." Seven's haughty tones echoed down the passageway. "I am glad we meet. I wish to speak with you about..."

Neelix, not without tact, had placed a huge paw on Seven's mouth. "In a while, Seven," he said. "Come with us now, Ensign Kim, and we can discuss it.

Ensign Kim obligingly fell into step. "Okay, I'm game."

"B'E's holed up in Chakotay's cabin tonight. I need to talk some sense into that Klingon head and make B'Elanna come home." Tom explained quickly.

"That could be difficult," commented Seven dispassionately. "Any gestating female will have mood swings. Maybe we should ask the EMH to accompany us, he can then detect if she is feeling any anguish."

"Hell, why not," said Tom. "We've got most of alpha shift with us now. What's an additional one?"

He paged the EMH who soon joined them. He held up a bulging med-kit.

"I have sedatives, hypos to enhance the mood, and a tough knockout should it become essential to subdue B'Elanna," he explained. "In case you need it, Lieutenant, I have an osteo device to set the damaged bones you will doubtless collect."

Tom winced. "I hope that won't be needed. I want to kiss and make up, not pick a fight."

"With B'Elanna, that is often the same thing," noted the Doc.

"With all of us in attendance, she might be okay." Tom didn't actually believe what he said. He thought it was likely that B'Elanna would get mad just seeing his peace posse.

The five of them closed in on Chakotay's cabin. Outside, stood Tuvok, hand lifted to sound the chime.

He inclined his head in salutation. "Indeed. Have all of you come to see Chakotay?"

"B'Elanna's on his couch," said Neelix. "Tom wants his wife back."

"In his bed," explained Ensign Kim helpfully.

"I do not get it," Seven sounded petulant. "Why cannot the Lieutenants manage a single night without copulation?"

"It's not just sex, Seven." Tom was managing not to laugh, but only just.

"Then what is it?"

"I love B'Elanna." Tom gesticulated helplessly. "I just want to feel close to the woman I love, feel soft skin next to me."

"I see." Seven quite plainly did not. "I will attend to this issue with Ensign Kim in a while."

Ensign Kim swallowed audibly.

"Calm down," Tom said quietly to him, "I'll fill you in soon." He smiled to himself as he watched his buddy salivate, and look at Seven with wide eyes.

"You want Chakotay too, Tuvok?"

"I have this that he needs." Tuvok held up a PADD.

"Come in with us," said Neelix. "Maybe you will be a calming influence on B'Elanna." He sounded the chime and they waited.

No-one came to let them in.

"I know she's in with him," Tom was twitching.

The access swooshed open and Tom who had been leaning on the panel fell inside, followed by his buddies.

B'Elanna and Chakotay sat on the couch. Chakotay looked as if he had fallen out of bed to get the chime. He was naked to the waist, togged up in only a sagging excuse of tatty sweatpants. He faced B'Elanna, and he had a tight hold on both of B'Elanna's hands.

Tom was pleased to see that she seemed to have calmed down somewhat. At least Chakotay's cabin was still tidy.

"Tom!" B'Elanna stood up, placing hands on hips. If she didn't have the huge belly sticking out a shuttle length ahead, she would have looked as imposing as the captain. "What the hell do you think you and this motley lot intend doing?"

She looked at Tom's pleading face, then the loop of people close to him.

Chakotay stood too, hitching up the sagging sweatpants with one hand. "B'Elanna, this is what I was telling you. Tom loves you. Go home with him, sleep on it."

"I was going to sleep on it," said B'Elanna, "but on this couch."

"Please, B'E? Come home. With me." Tom put on his little boy face, the one that had gotten him out of messes on countless occasions. Unluckily it didn't seem to be effective this time.

"Yeah? How long this time, Helmboy? Until you decide I need assistants to help me do my job again?" B'Elanna's voice was going up. She looked about to see what she could fling at Tom.

Chakotay deduced the look without difficulty and made a lunge at his esteemed statue, the only thing he could see that was available. The sweatpants sagged low, showing a golden buttock as he swiped up his statue, just ahead of B'Elanna's clutching hand.

Tom smiled. Seven seemed to be studying Chakotay's buttock.

"Ensign Kim, I find Chakotay's buttocks visually appealing. Maybe I should use him instead of you to attempt copulation with."

Chakotay gaped, Tom laughed. Tuvok looked distinctly puzzled and Neelix flushed a becoming shade of peach. Ensign Kim blushed and found his feet suddenly fascinating. B'Elanna took the chance to make a lunge at the cushions of the couch and flung them one by one at Tom.

"P'tak," she spat. "Maybe I'll take Chakotay instead of you. He doesn't think I'm an incompetent whiney fool."

One of the cushions hit Neelix, knocking him off his feet and into Seven. He bounced off of the expanse of jumpsuited chest and his flailing hand knocked Ensign Kim on the head.

"Hey," he shouted. "Watch it, Neelix!"

B'Elanna having used up the cushions pounced upon a stack on PADDs on the coffee table. One by one she flung them at Tom.

"Ow!" Tom yelled loudly as one caught him on the chest. A second hit Tuvok as he watched impassively. The Doc advanced menacingly on B'Elanna, waving a hypo. "Lieutenant, let me sedate you, so we can all go back home peacefully. You included."

"No." B'Elanna gave the Doc a filthy look. "You stay away, leave me alone."

"Okay people. That is quite enough." Chakotay's voice was loud above the hubbub. "I would like you all to go home, go to the messhall, any place else, just go away so that I can go back to bed."

B'Elanna looked at him inquisitively, antagonism gone. "Just what sent you to bed at this time anyway, Chak? It's not even 2000."

A husky voice cut in on the discussion. "We thought we would enjoy a quiet evening alone."

A total silence fell in the cabin, as one and all twisted to see who was speaking.

The captain stood in the opening to the sleeping cabin, clad only in one of Chakotay's tunics. She had obviously put it on quickly as the buttons didn't match the holes. Equally obviously, she had nothing beneath it The tunic concealed a lot, falling to mid thigh, but exposed a lean smooth length of leg to the astonished gazes. She moved to Chakotay's side. He was smiling quietly, and pulled the captain to his side with one hand. The unused hand held up the sagging pants.

"Chak?" B'Elanna was the quickest to pick up. "You didn't say anything."

The captain lifted an eloquent hand. "We hid a small bombshell. So sue us."

The EMH looked judgmental. "Captain, the medical files show that you haven't visited me about… essential scheduled visits in a while. I think it wise if you both schedule a time with me immediately. I don't think I need to tell you what might happen if you delay."

"Oh, we delayed long enough," said the captain. "Some things, and some people, just won't wait indefinitely."

Ensign Kim looked ill at ease. "I didn't know they had sex!" he mumbled to Tuvok.

"It is the logical thing to do," said Tuvok. "It is obvious they have deep feelings."

Neelix bustled ahead, "Well may I salute you both. We've all waited a long time to see this." He stuck a fuzzy hand out to Chakotay, who took it automatically, without letting go of the captain.

With no hand to hold them up, his sweatpants slid slowly to the deck.

B'Elanna gaped, Tom looked envious, Tuvok only looked jaded.

Seven faced Ensign Kim. "Ensign, I am positive now that Chakotay is the best individual to assist me in my knowledge of copulation. I will not be needing you to assist me"

"Wait a minute, Seven." The captain bent and pulled up Chakotay's pants, fastening the tie tightly. "Somethings, one does not do in polite company. Poaching the captain's love is one of them. I happen to know that Ensign Kim would be eminently suitable." She winked at the Ensign in question. "In the meantime, if you will all excuse us, Chakotay and I have some unfinished business to attend to."

With heads close and bodies aligned, the command team ambled back into the sleeping cabin.

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