Rated NC-17 J/C
Disclaimer: lthough the fabulous characters are not mine, the story is and will make me not a cent of money.
Kathryn's feet wore a path in the ready room carpet as she paced. She passed an unsteady hand through her hair, disarranging it further. It had been nearly four hours since they'd been able to beam Chakotay back to Voyager after his three-day experience with the Volorians. And from the doctor's report, he'd been tortured both mentally and physically. She'd wanted to be with him in sickbay when they beamed him back, but her presence on the bridge had been necessary. Now that they'd cleared Volorian space, she debated whether to go to him before he came out from under sedation.
The chemical sleep was required because of his agitated state. According to the EMH, Chakotay had fought to leave sickbay before the doctor had a chance to heal his injuries. Apparently, he'd thrashed about in an attempt to see her, calling her name--'Kathryn, not Captain' as the doctor had so pointedly mentioned. This flew in the face of her image of Chakotay. He was always so calm, even in the face of danger. She shuddered at the thought of what he had endured that would arouse him to this state.
Kathryn decided that she would go to him and wait until the sedative wore off. Perhaps her presence would give him some sort of peace.
As she turned to her doors, her comm badge chirped.
"Doctor to Janeway."
She stopped short of the doorway onto the bridge. "Janeway here."
"Commander Chakotay awoke insisting that he see you. I tried to keep him here, but he called for your location and is headed to the bridge."
"How is he?"
"Physically, he's fine, but his psychological state appears to be…fragile. I don't think he's dangerous to himself or others, but I don't think he should be alone until we can see how he's coping. Perhaps talking about his experience will prove therapeutic."
"I'll try to draw him out. And thank you, Doctor."
She paced back to her desk and then activated her comm badge. "Janeway to Tuvok."
"Yes, Captain."
"Commander Chakotay is on his way here. Please send him in."
Not more than minute later, Chakotay strode into the room, his eyes bright and wide, and he was panting slightly from the quick trek from sickbay.
She stood half-way across the room from him as he entered, allowing the doors to slide shut behind him.
"Chakotay."
"Kathryn…I thought I'd never see you again…"
And in three long strides he was pulling her against his t-shirt, crushing her onto his wide chest. His breath came in gasps while one hand wrapped around her shoulders and the other around her waist, squeezing until she felt light-headed from lack of air.
He rubbed his bristly face into her hair, catching the strands in the stubble of his beard. Hot breath burned into her scalp and she felt him trembling as she wrapped her arms around his waist, allowing him the physical comfort he obviously needed.
Kathryn hadn't known the danger he'd been in. If she had, she'd have been in hell the entire time they'd worked to get a lock on him, dueling with the natural dampening field the planet produced.
But now he was here, safely back with her on their ship, heading for home. Her relief at feeling him solid in her arms didn't surprise her, but the tingle she felt from his body, flush against hers, did. It had been years since she'd responded to him like this. After an initial flirtation that lasted three years or so into the journey, they'd settled themselves into a comfortable, deep companionship. Oh, certainly she was always aware of him as a man, but solitary evenings with him no longer held the promise that they once had. She'd turned his subtle, unspoken invitations down so many times that he'd stopped making them. Kathryn thought that things were better this way, but some nights she missed the quiet thrill of unfulfilled passion until she ached.
Now, in his arms, she felt strangely alive for the first time in many years. He seemed content just to hold her, stroking her back, so she held on to him. Their breathing synchronized into a slow, warm minute dance of life. "I thought I'd lost you…They were going to kill me and I wouldn't get to help you find your way home." "No…You're here, Chakotay. Everything's going to be fine. I don't know what they did to you, but it's all over now."
He pulled back, looking down into her eyes. "No. It's not over. There's still this…unfinished business between us. I had a lot of time to think between…when I was alone in my cell. And one thing kept going through my mind." His grasp on her tightened almost unbearably. "We have so much unresolved between us. I can't live with that anymore, Kathryn."
What was he talking about? The Borg? The Equinox? She thought they'd worked out their differences on these subjects long ago. To hear that he felt different jarred her sense of order.
"What do you mean? I don't feel that we have any issues that we haven't dealt with."
But in his eyes, she saw another story. This one spoke not of command decisions, but of personal ones. Ones that she thought they'd long since put to rest. But no… Reading his face, a glimmer of understanding swirled in the pit of her stomach. "We need to talk about this. You need to talk about what happened--"
He cut her off. "No. The time for talking about this came and went a long time ago, Kathryn. There's too much emotion for words."
"But you've been through so much. Maybe talking about it will help. Let me get us a tea and we can sit down and--"
"Not here." He looked around as if noticing their surroundings for the first time. "You can't be anyone but the captain here."
His distaste of the idea was clear in his tone. And before she knew it, Chakotay's hand closed around her upper arm as he propelled her through the doors onto the bridge. The force of his hand bit into her arm uncomfortably and she stumbled against him, trying to keep up.
"Stop! Chakotay, you're hurting me!"
They were in the middle of the bridge when she finally got her footing and wrenched herself from his grip. "Let go of me."
Kathryn knew that his recent terror must be clouding his judgment, but manhandling her in front of the bridge crew crossed the line. She glared up at him, rubbing her arm.
Chakotay hesitated and then reached down for her, hoisted her in his arms and continued on his way toward the turbolift.
She pushed at his shoulders, but he held her so tightly that she couldn't get a decent angle. "Put me down!"
At her protests, Tuvok stepped out from behind the tactical station to stand in their path, his presence a warning.
Chakotay stopped and glared at the Vulcan. It was a standoff. Kathryn felt him trembling, yet remained still, not wanting this to go further. She had no desire to see them come to blows, especially not with Chakotay in this state. He needed counseling, not brig time.
Chakotay's glare shifted from Tuvok to Kathryn. His voice, although harsh, was barely a whisper. "Call off the damned Vulcan, Kathryn, or so help me, I'll take care of this right here in front of them all." And then his voice cracked. "Or die trying…"
Kathryn nearly sobbed aloud from the understanding of his intent. It became clear to her what the 'unfinished business' was. He needed her. Not just her body, but he needed the connection. The embrace in her ready room hadn't been enough to soothe whatever the Volorians had broken. She'd be damned before she let this come to a head here, on the bridge for his later shame. Of course, she had no intention of letting him do what he intended, but first she needed to get him out of here so that she could talk some sense into him.
She looked at Tuvok pointedly. "Stand down, Commander. It seems that Chakotay would like to escort me to my quarters."
Tuvok's eyes met hers in shrouded question. 'Are you certain, Captain? Do you trust this turn of events?'
Kathryn answered him with a slight nod. "We'll be fine."
Shifting the weight in his arms, Chakotay brushed past Tuvok. His words were smug. "You have the bridge, Tuvok. The captain and I will be in my quarters." And he strode the rest of the way to the lift amid the open mouths of a half dozen people.
He called an order to the lift and stood facing the doors, his eyes fastened on Kathryn's.
In spite of his bizarre behavior, Kathryn didn't fear for her safety with Chakotay, even now. She knew he cared much too deeply for her to harm her in any way. What she wondered now was how to end this situation without further harming her friend.
Softly, she told him, "You can put me down, now. I promise I won't go away."
He shifted and she thought he was moving to place her on her feet, but instead he hitched her up further into his arms. "No."
Okay…She decided to try something else. "Chakotay. I know you must be in so much pain from what you--"
"That has nothing to do with it, Kathryn. It only gave me the courage I needed to take some action."
A mental illustration of that last word had her breathing a bit harder. Her body still felt the tingle of their embrace and the heat of his chest seeped into her side, crushed against him.
This couldn't go on the way he intended. They'd spent too many years in unspoken agreement that anything more than friendship between them was a bad idea.
Now here they were… She thought back over the past few moments and couldn't believe the scene that had played out. He'd just carried her off the bridge in his arms to his quarters in front of their crew. No excuses, just action. And she'd let him do it. This couldn't be happening. Not with Chakotay. He always knew precisely when to back off and had never failed to do so in nearly seven years. She liked what had grown between them over the voyage and didn't want things to change.
Looking into his intent face, she decided to try another tactic. "That was some scene you made on the bridge." Kathryn softened the words with a smile.
Chakotay's eyes narrowed. "No. If you hadn't called off Tuvok, that would have been a scene…"
Kathryn's eyes widened in spite of herself. Surely he didn't mean…
The lift stopped, doors sliding open. Chakotay strode to the door of his quarters passing a couple of open-mouthed ensigns, Kathryn felt the blush creep from her breast over her face.
The door opened on voice command and Chakotay moved to the middle of his main room before he gently set Kathryn on her feet. Standing directly in front of her, he tilted her chin up to meet his eyes.
"This was all I could think about, Kathryn. I knew I was going to die without showing you how we could be."
He moved his other hand up to cup her cheek and hold her gaze by force. "I won't let that happen again. This is incomplete between us and it's time I did something about it."
Before she saw it coming, his face pressed against hers and he held her mouth to his in a crushing kiss.
Kathryn's hands pushed at his chest forcefully, separating them by several feet.
Her eyes blazed with anger and excitement, then softened to sympathy before she spoke. "No. We can't do this…You know we can't."
Chakotay's face screwed up in a grimace before a sob wracked his body. "The hell we can't! I won't face death again without knowing how it feels to love you!"
Pulling off his shirt in a fit of rage, he pointed to the pink, new skin on his chest. "I won't have some goddamned alien burn holes in me again before I've had your body surrounding mine!"
Tears filled his eyes and spilled down his face as he ranted. "I need to know how you taste, what it feels like to be inside you! I want to hear you call out my name, Kathryn!"
She saw his fists clenching at his sides, as if he were fighting the urge to take her in a fit of rage. It was this thought that finally frightened the indomitable Kathryn Janeway. He'd never be able to live with himself if she allowed that to happen. And she knew if he intended to, he'd be too much for her.
Kathryn weighed her options as she was trained to do. Fight was out. Flight was nearly impossible. He'd be on her before she turned completely around as wound up as he was. Her comm badge. Call for help.
In a quicksilver movement, she tapped her badge. "Janeway to Tuv--"
He was on her, snatching the badge from her jacket and hurling it against the viewport across the room before she finished the hail.
In one fluid movement, he lifted her and placed her on the credenza near his door.
She didn't fight him. Kathryn knew she was no match for him. Worse yet, he might hurt her and later, he'd hate himself. So she made the decision to allow him his release without a fight. She froze while he knelt, jerked off her boots and tossed them over his shoulders. He swiftly peeled off her pants and underwear. Kathryn kept her face a mask. Horrified at his actions, she fought the urge to push at him, call for a fight.
As his hands pried her knees apart, he looked up at her as his mouth closed over her sex. Tears streamed down from his reddened eyes and fear was evident in them.
His pain was obvious. Pain from what he was doing to her, or pain from his recent experience, she didn't know. But what she did know was that she could do this for him. This is what he needed and turning him away would be worse than the consequences of allowing it to happen.
As her hands closed over the dark hair, her legs opened around his mouth, inviting him into her.
The electric shock of his tongue as it reached her swollen bead, made her jerk with the unexpected pleasure. The shining black glass of his eyes smiled as he tasted her, the juices from their earlier embrace coating her entrance. He knew…
He then stood between her opened legs, unfastening his slacks, pulling himself free from his clothing. Lust on his face. Need. Longing…
Looking down, he fumbled to line himself up with her opening, rubbing along her slippery skin until her body gave, sucking him in.
Pulling out, he stopped, soaking in the moment, reading Kathryn's face, listening to her panting.
The doors slid open, and Tuvok entered, armed. She turned her head to gape at him, mortified at her position, but Chakotay kept his eyes only on Kathryn's.
"Commander, I have my phaser drawn and I am prepared to use it."
"That makes two of us, Tuvok." And at that, Chakotay's hips lunged forward, entering her fully for the first time.
Kathryn groaned and turned her focus back to Chakotay.
"Tell him to leave, Kathryn." Pulling out quickly, he again pierced her body with his.
Clinging to Chakotay's shoulders, Kathryn kept her eyes fastened on his while addressing Tuvok. "Leave us." She gasped as he rotated his hips against her. "He has my consent."
That was putting it mildly.
Tuvok exited the room while Chakotay began to pound into Kathryn's body. His hands gripped her waist as he filled her completely.
While his body stabbed at hers with fury, Kathryn was struck by the incongruity of his voice spilling over with words of love and tenderness; sweetheart, baby, beautiful, precious sighs of words. In a flurry of shouts and frantic movement, Chakotay lost control with his sudden release, writhing against her. She barely held on through the onslaught, nearly tumbling to the floor but for his hands holding her up.
Finally they stilled, the two of them facing one another, panting.
"Somehow I never pictured that being over quite so quickly." Chakotay ducked his head to his chest, hiding his embarrassment.
"Who says it's over?" Kathryn took hold of his cheeks in her hands and held his gaze. "You don't think you're getting off that easy, do you? We're far from being finished…"
"Hang on." He stepped back, tucking himself back into his slacks, pulling the zipper most of the way up. Grabbing the throw off of the back of the sofa, he handed it to her and walked in front of the doorway, signaling it to open.
Tuvok's back came in to view in the open doorway and he turned to regard Chakotay, shirtless, his pants riding low on his hips.
Kathryn scrambled to the floor, wrapping the blanket around herself.
The two men stepped into the room, allowing the doors to close. Chakotay gestured to Kathryn. "She's okay. I knew you wouldn't leave until you could see for yourself."
Tucking the blanket around her, Kathryn held her chin high, despite the flaming color of her cheeks. "It seems Chakotay needed counseling of a…unorthodox nature."
"Indeed." Tuvok raised an eyebrow taking in the tableau. "I'll be on the bridge if you need me, Captain." And at that, he turned, leaving them.
"How'd you know he'd still be there?"
"Because I would be if our positions were reversed."
Kathryn screwed up her face at the thought of Tuvok with her while Chakotay waited in the corridor.
"You know what I mean. He was worried about you and I didn't blame him for that. If I were he, I'd have been worried, too."
She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her face against his chest, feeling the silky skin. "And how are you? Are we going to get through this?"
He groaned as she sucked at a brown nipple. "So long as you're willing to continue our therapy sessions. With that to look forward to, I can take on the Delta Quadrant single-handedly." A brief flash of dimples…
As they walked toward his bedroom, Kathryn couldn't resist. "So what would have happened if I hadn't ordered Tuvok to stand down on the bridge?"
"Just what I said would happen. I'd have taken you there, over the railing."
"Or died trying."
"I doubt any of you would have had the heart to phaser a man who been through what I'd been through. I figured I had about a fifty-fifty shot that you'd come with me. If not, I was hoping for an emergency beam-out back to sickbay at the very worst." He stopped in front of his bed and took her face in his hands, seriously regarding her. "Kathryn. You knew what I meant to do all along."
She nodded, her gray eyes huge.
"And you allowed me to take you off the bridge, anyway. That gave me the courage to go through with it. But I didn't plan on you inviting Tuvok along with that hail."
Kathryn looked down and pushed her face into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. "At first I thought I could talk you out of it. Get you alone and remind us both why it was such a bad idea. But then, you scared me. You seemed capable of anything and I couldn't let you hurt me. I knew you'd never forgive yourself if you took me in rage."
"Don't you know by now that I could never do that? I know this wasn't quite like I'd always planned our first time, but hurt you? No… I'm not capable of that…"
Kathryn untangled herself from Chakotay and pulled off the rest of her clothing while he caressed and nipped at the skin she revealed. Naked, she stood before him with her hands on her hips, every bit the captain. "And I wouldn't worry about too much about hurting me… Sometimes I like it a little rough."
And at that, she planted her palms firmly on his chest, shoved him back onto the bed, pinned him to the mattress, and showed him exactly how she liked it.
End.
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