Disclaimer:Paramount owns everything. I only make them do this for fun.
Rated R for rampant innuendo, no rumpy-pumpy stuff. (I think I just lost 50% of my potential readership by saying that). Dedicated to anyone who has ever wondered what Neelix looks like naked.
"I still don't understand why we couldn't just beam down to the exact location." Captain Kathryn Janeway was complaining.
"Stop whining, Kathryn. You wanted to come. Tom was very specific that I walk into the place, not just materialize into the middle of it. " Chakotay paused. "He was also very specific that I come alone."
"I'm the captain. I get to come if I want to. And I don't think I approve of your choice of dress for me. What sort of twisted male fantasy is this?" She tugged ineffectively at the front of the dress trying to pull it higher so that it covered more of her cleavage. All the action did was expose a longer length of shapely thigh.
Chakotay looked her up and down appreciatively. "Stop complaining. You look very edible. And we have to blend in with the locals.
"Does this dress make my butt look big?" Kathryn twisted around trying to see the back of herself in the clinging tight black dress.
"No, it shares the attention your chest is getting very nicely."
"Watch it, Commander." She stressed his title. "You are fair game yourself in that shirt."
The shirt in question was white and silky, with long loose sleeves tightly cuffed. But the deep vee of the front extended down to his navel, exposing a wide expanse of tawny-golden smooth chest. Kathryn wanted to run her tongue up him and see what he tasted like, but unfortunately that was not captainly behavior. Pity. She sniffed slightly.
"Kathryn." There was an implicit warning in Chakotay's tone. "Remember you *wanted* to come."
"Not wearing these heels I didn't. If I fall off them I'll break my ankle." She tottered along on the 4-inch spikes.
"Don't worry. I'll catch you." He grinned at her disarmingly.
She considered falling and being caught in those strong arms. Maybe she could sneak a taste of that chest while she was at it.
"We're here." Chakotay took her arm and brought her to a stop outside a low unprepossessing building. The Blue Angel Bar.
She looked doubtfully at the building. "Tom said to meet him here?"
"He did. Said it was urgent. That Neelix's safety depended on our... on my coming to help him out."
Kathryn was studying the building. There were two entrances. One said Bar; the other said Girls. "It looks like they are a pretty sexist lot, these Davenans. I have my own entrance."
Chakotay was also studying the building and drawing his own conclusions. "I think you better come in the other entrance with me, Kathryn."
"Hmmm... If local customs dictate that women use a separate entrance, then I should respect that." She took a step away from him, staggering slightly in the ridiculous heels.
Chakotay grabbed her arm, causing her to wobble dangerously. "No, Kathryn. In fact, I really don't think you should come in at all. This is one of Tom's bars. Probably not the best place for a woman."
She noticed he studiously kept his eyes on her face, ignoring the swelling female bosom literally below his nose. She struck her captain pose, hands on hips, but the effect was spoiled when she had to hike up the front of her dress to avoid exposing her right nipple.
"Chakotay. I want a nice chilled glass of real wine. I want a drink in the company of my best friend. I would like to wrap my hands around your neck for making me wear this ridiculous dress, and I would like to get after Tom with a photon torpedo, but most of all, I want a glass of wine. Now think logically. If this wasn't the best place for women, why would they give them their own entrance?"
Turning on a heel, grinding a hole in the dirt with the point of it, she marched into the bar.
Chakotay followed her, groaning to himself. He didn't think she had seen what he had; a small discrete brass plaque by the door. Inside was an empty bar, with plain white walls, a long bar and a few video monitors. He saw Kathryn over at the bar, trying to hoist herself up on one of the tall stools. In the short, tight skirt she was having great difficulty. He crossed to her, and wrapped his large hands around her waist, lifted her onto the stool, and then pulled up his own stool next to her. The barman grinned at them and looked at them assessingly as he fiddled with something under the bar. Chakotay saw the monitor flicker and a new holovid started. With growing horror, he saw that it was a very explicit one depicting exactly what one man could do with two women. Luckily the screen was out of Kathryn's direct line of sight; she hadn't seen it yet, but he was sure the proverbial was going to hit the fan when she did.
He wondered what the hell Tom and Neelix were doing here, and what had happened that had caused Tom to send out his distress call. Tom was a master at getting into and out of trouble with equal aplomb. He rarely needed bailing out, and on the few occasions he did, Harry was his choice of rescuer, not Chakotay. Still the worst hurdle was over; they were in the bar, there were no dead bodies to be seen, no comatose Talaxians and no one had set upon them demanding a ransom for Tom or Neelix's return. Maybe the Davenans were just better at hiding the bodies.
On the screen over Kathryn's head the two women were getting very creative with the one lucky man. He tilted his head slightly, trying to figure out how the hell they managed *that* at that angle. Must have great thigh muscles.
Chakotay turned his attention back to Kathryn. He had one hell of a task on his hands here. Not only did he have to keep her out of trouble, which in that dress that would be a full time job, but he also had to locate their missing crewmen and then once Kathryn figured out exactly what this establishment was, he almost certainly would have to restrain her from castrating both of them, verbally and physically. And he shuddered to think of B'Elanna's reaction. Tom had better have a very, very good excuse. Still, Kathryn looked damn cute in that ridiculous dress. And he certainly had no idea she was so well... developed in certain areas. He watched the lean length of her thighs shift on the seat. No, in balance it was definitly a good idea to let her come along.
Kathryn was ordering a dry white wine from the ogling barman. He ordered a beer, and turned so that Kathryn had to move slightly to look at him. Less chance of her seeing the screens. Although... his attention strayed from her cleavage back to the holovid screen. Spirits, now the two women were.... His jaw dropped open. He'd only ever heard about that before.
"Chakotay?" Kathryn waved a hand in front of his face. "What's so fascinating above my head?" She started to turn to look but Chakotay grabbed her hands, forcing her to stay facing forward.
She looked at him quizzically. "What is it?"
"Um... have I told you how beautiful you look in that dress?"
She glared at him. "I look like a bloody prostitute in this dress and you know it." Her voice was strident, but luckily the barman didn't appear to hear. Her deep breathing was causing severe stress on the dress's underpinnings. He gazed in wonder at the firm globes of flesh threatening to make a break for freedom.
"And stop staring at my breasts!" This time the barman did look up.
She took a sip of her drink. "I wonder where Tom and Neelix are? There's no sign of any fight. In fact this place is almost too quiet."
As she said the words, a group of three noisy aliens entered. Crossing to the bar they ordered three Screwdrivers. The barman eyed the three, then bent to fiddle with something under the bar again. Chakotay watched attentively; he had a pretty good idea what the barman was doing. He looked at the monitor. Sure enough, the carefully crafted threesome on the screen changed to a picture of a naked man, bound and gagged in a corner. A veritable amazon dressed in leather with a cat-o-nine tails stood over him. Chakotay grinned to himself as he studied the aliens. Well, who'd a thunk it. That barman obviously prided himself on reading his customer's preferences.
As the barman fixed their drink order one of the men turned to Kathryn. "Hello." He was eyeing her up and down. "New here?"
"Yes..." Kathryn was obviously going to say more, but Chakotay interrupted.
"She's with me." He stood, and moved behind her chair to slip both his arms around her waist, just below her breasts in an obvious action of possession. His face nuzzled her hair as he outstared the alien. He didn't like to imagine the look on Kathryn's face.
"Chakotay," she squirmed in his grasp, "let GO of me."
He let go, fearing the alternative. Who knew what damage she could do in those heels? She was lethal enough in Starfleet boots.
She turned to the alien. "My friend is being a little... possessive." Her eyes promised retribution later.
The Davenan seized up the situation. "Well when you're through with him, maybe I can make a booking for you."
"I'll let you know when she's available." Chakotay winked.
The alien barely noticed. His eyes were riveted on the monitor in the corner. He shifted in his seat, downed his drink in one gulp and disappeared through the door marked Girls;. His friends followed.
Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "What do you think that was all about?"
Her eyes were finally caught by the holovid. For a moment she stared at it, as if she weren't sure she could believe her eyes. She blushed. She pulled the front of her dress up.
"Chakotay... We're in a brothel!" Her voice rose higher and the last word was an outraged squeak.
"Yes." What else could he say?
"Oh my." Her head was on a swivel, staring all around her. She turned back to him, eyes wicked. "I've never been in a brothel before."
"I thought it likely that you hadn't." He took a gulp of his beer.
"I'm not going to ask if you have." Her dancing eyes dared him to answer. "Did you see the monitors? I would love to have known what they were showing when we walked in."
He told her, just to watch that adorable blush creep across her cheeks.
She moved closer to him. "So you think the barman thinks that you..." she ran a cheeky finger down the vee in his shirt, "... and I are...." she moved even closer, "...lovers..." The last word was a breathy whisper in his ear.
He moved away slightly. "I think it's a fair bet he thinks that." Damn her. She was getting her own back on him for not telling her what they were walking into.
She leaned forward. Spirits, he could practically see her navel down the front of that dress. He moved away, not out of self-preservation, but in the hope that she would lean even further forward and fall out of her dress. She leaned forward; he held his breath, but luck and gravity were against him and everything stayed put.
"Chakotay..." The word was a low purr. "I might just have to...." That finger again, running up and down the front of his chest. He swallowed hard.
"I might just have to... make you Neelix's official food taster for the rest of the trip. After all, your replicator rations have just been cancelled. Think of all the leola root concoctions you are going to be savoring."
The door marked Girls reopened, a scant five minutes after it had last closed, and the three aliens returned. They downed another Screwdriver each at the bar, and with a final assessing look at Kathryn's figure they left. Kathryn turned to Chakotay. Her eyes were laughing.
"Less than five minutes..." She was openly chortling now. "Only five minutes. That's not even enough time to..." She recovered herself slightly and wiped her eyes. "No wonder they have to pay."
She was roaring with laughter now. "I'm now wondering what the hell Tom and Neelix are doing and how much money they had to spend! "
He started to chuckle too at the image that her words presented.
"I bet you wouldn't only be gone for five minutes, Chakotay... oh!" She broke off abruptly as she realized what she had said. And blushed.
Now it was his turn to lean forward, a devilish glint in his eyes. He ran a caressing finger down her cheek and when it got to her jaw, he jumped it down to the slope of her breast. His fingers dragged a slow, careful path down into her cleavage. "Be careful what you wish for, Kathryn."
"That wasn't a wish." She snapped the words at him, not meeting his eyes.
"No?" His finger ran up the slope of the other breast and then retreated.
She met his eyes, the blush still running from her creamy skin and the charge and tension between them jumped several notches.
He wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he leaned in closer towards her, closer still until he could feel her nervous breath on his face.
"Kathryn..." She was so close now that he couldn't focus on her face. Her eyes were closing. He placed a hand on her thigh to steady himself, feeling the smooth skin and taut muscle underneath his hand. She sighed, a small sound in the silence. He hoped it was a sigh of longing and acceptance of what he was about to do, but he thought it could equally well be the last sound he heard before her heel sliced into his groin.
"Commander! Thank the gods you're here." He straightened abruptly. Tom. Well it made a change from Tuvok interrupting them.
"You didn't waste much time in finding a new friend, Commander." Tom was directly behind Kathryn and obviously didn't recognize Chakotay's companion.
She straightened and turned to him. "The commander is relaxing with his *old* friends, Tom."
"Captain! Gods! Sorry, I, er... didn't recognize you. Nice... er... dress."
Kathryn hooked the dress higher.
"Thank you. Blame Chakotay. He obviously doesn't know *all* my measurements, or else the designer was cutting costs by reducing fabric. Now." She grinned at Tom's obvious discomfort. "While it is tempting to cut you into small pieces right now, it might be more fun to watch you explain to B'Elanna what you are doing here."
Tom actually went white. "Captain... it's not what it seems."
She arched an eyebrow at him. "Really?"
"No.... really ... yes..."
Chakotay stepped in before Tom could bolt. "You paged me urgently, Tom, requesting immediate assistance for a difficult and delicate matter, involving yourself and Neelix. The captain volunteered to accompany me. Now we're here, and apart from meeting some of your fellow clients, it would appear there is no problem. Care to explain?"
Tom blushed. "Chakotay, can I speak to you privately?"
Kathryn folded her arms over her chest. Unfortunately this had the effect of pushing more of her out of her dress. She didn't notice but both Tom and Chakotay did.
"Anything you say to the commander, Mr. Paris, will be said in front of me." She noticed where both pairs of eyes were riveted, and uncrossed her arms. "And stop staring at my breasts!"
"Chakotay..."Tom was definitely sweating now, "please...?"
"Sorry, Tom. Captains orders."
Kathryn took pity on Tom and ordered him a beer. Whatever the problem was, it would help to know sooner rather then later and a beer might help lubricate his vocal cords.
Tom drained half the mug. "Well, it's like this. Neelix approached me a few days ago. He'd heard about The Blue Angel Bar..."
"Bar and Brothel," Kathryn inserted dryly.
"Yeah... and Brothel. Well, it turns out that Neelix hasn't..."
"Had sex." Kathryn filled in again.
Chakotay looked at her. He could swear she was enjoying this. He wondered if she would have enjoyed what would have happened if only Tom had walked in a moment later. He had been a heartbeat away from kissing her senseless. And maybe proving that he could last longer than five minutes. A lot longer.
Tom finished the rest of his beer and Kathryn signaled the barman for another round.
"Yeah, well Neelix hasn't had sex since Kes left. Over two years ago. Apparently none of the crew want a hairy, spotted Talaxian in their beds."
"Do you blame them?" Kathryn wondered aloud.
"If you're asking me, Captain, the answer is no. However when you hear the rest of it you may change your mind."
She shot Chakotay a wicked glance. A charged glance. He gulped audibly.
"Hmmm.... I wonder what Mr. Neelix could possibly have that could make me.... want him." Her fingers ran lightly over Chakotay's thigh.
Tom continued with his story. "So poor Neelix is getting a little... "
"Horny," Chakotay inserted. Two could play at this game.
"After all," Tom continued, "going without sex for a couple of years is pretty hard. No pun intended, Captain."
Now it was Kathryn's turn to gulp.
"Could you go without sex for that long, Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice was pitched low enough that Tom wouldn't hear it. "Could make things rather heated, don't you think? Could you imagine not having a man in your bed for that long? Five minutes wouldn't even douse a single flame."
She turned heated liquid eyes on him. "Don't push your luck, Chakotay."
He grinned to himself. The way she was shifting in her seat, she was getting more then a little horny herself.
Tom continued with the story. "Well, Neelix asked me if I would accompany him here, and wait while he..."
"Had a quick one." Kathryn smiled sweetly at Chakotay as she said it.
Tom looked askance at his not so proper captain. "I guess that's one way of putting it. But there is a problem. Talaxian anatomy is..."
The command team glanced at each other. Neither of them was quite willing to fill in the blank.
"Is.... is...." Tom was uncharacteristically at a complete loss for words.
"Is what, Tom?"
"Well... prehensile is the closest I can come. His..."
"Phallus." Kathryn's contribution.
"Yeah, his phallus, has independent motion. Not just attached to his hips. He can manipulate his phallus, as you or I would a finger. So he can twist it, bend it, tickle with it..."
"Oh my." Kathryn was blushing again. "Really? I'm surprised there isn't a line outside the messhall."
"Kathryn!" Chakotay was trying not to laugh. Kathryn was so adorable when she was trying and failing to be proper. He leaned forward again to whisper, "guess he can last more than five minutes too."
"In addition, when a Talaxian doesn't have sex for a while, when he does let loose, he can keep going and going almost indefinitely." Tom was caught up in the narrative.
"Really?" Kathryn's eyes were as big as saucers. "How... er... indefinitely?" Chakotay noticed that her hand had crept back onto his thigh and was lightly stroking the inner surface. Luckily Tom was still too embarrassed to notice.
"Well, he's been in there nearly nine hours and the..."
"Girls," Chakotay inserted helpfully.
"Yeah, girls, won't let him out. Hell, they're not even CHARGING him. They charged me..." Tom realized what he had said and shut up abruptly.
"B'Elanna is gonna love this story." Kathryn muttered under her breath. Her hand had crept higher on Chakotay's thigh. She did a double take. "Did you say nine hours?"
"Yes."
She leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear. "Can you last nine hours, Chakotay?"
Chakotay's own hand made exploratory forays onto her thigh. "Why don't you take me home and find out?"
Tom was still ranting. "They've barred the door, thrown me out, they keep taking turns with him. If he wasn't as happy as a pig in sh... er, muck, it would be rape! We have to save him."
"Doesn't sound like he needs much saving to me," observed Chakotay. "Maybe we should just beam him out as we depart." His fingers were tracing small circles on his captain's bare thigh. She studiously ignored him and signaled the barman for another round of drinks.
Chakotay stole a look at the holovid screen. He wondered what on earth the barman was making of this. He was disappointed to realize it showed the Davenan's equivalent of the old Earth game of baseball.
"No..." Tom was wild eyed. "We have to get him back. We could cause an interstellar incident here if we just grab him."
"How are we going to get him back?" asked Kathryn. "And why bother? We can probably find a better cook somewhere here who would like to come along for the ride. So to speak."
Chakotay and Tom stared at her. "You'd abandon a crew member?"
"Well...."
"No." Chakotay was adamant. "We get him back. Duty first, then... pleasure." His other hand was wrapped around Kathryn's shoulders, moving slowly and hotly across her back, running down towards her tight butt. He wished the dress had a back that dipped as low as the front did. Together they all stood and moved towards the door marked "Girls."
"What do we do?" Tom was trying to puzzle it out. "We can't just barge in and phaser 'em. Imagine trying to explain that in the logs. Random phaser fire in a Davenan brothel isn't normally counted as self defense."
"We'll play it by ear." Chakotay burst through the door, closely followed by Tom and Kathryn. He ground to a halt in amazement.
In front of them, in a long hallway was an amazing scene. Neelix, naked and spotty as the day he was born, was leaping joyously in great bounds down the hallway. Pursing him, equally unclad, were three or four Davenan women whooping and hollering. Neelix turned and the command team got a full frontal. Tom, who had seen it before, just groaned and hid his eyes. Waving in front of Neelix was a prehensile instrument, as dexterous as an elephant's truck and half as long. It quested the air sinuously, as thick as Chakotay's wrist.
Chakotay had never seen a naked Talaxian before and wasn't sure he wanted to see one again. Quite apart from the amazingly mobile phallus, which was making his own not insignificant size seem very inadequate, he noticed that the hair on Neelix's body matched the hair on his head for style and quantity. He had a row of nipples down each side of his chest and appeared to have three testicles.
Kathryn's eyes were round. "Oh my," she whispered. Her hand slipped into Chakotay's shirt for support and roamed around his smooth belly, even as her eyes took in the sight of her cook and his amazing cock.
"Neelix. Report." Her voice barked out at odds to the size of her eyes.
Neelix turned. "Captain!" His voice wavered, as he tried to salute, and gather up his wayward pecker at the same time. His instrument couldn't be contained by one hand and he appeared to have little control over it. It escaped out the side and appeared to be independently following the disappearing Davenan women. "I can explain." His eyes took in his captain. "Nice... er, dress."
"Save it Neelix. I think we've all got better things to do." She hitched up the front of her dress with one hand; the other was exploring the contours of her first officer's ass. "Now, who do I have to talk to to get you out of here?"
"Captain, I think they might be ready to let me go now. After all, I've been here..."
"Nine hours," chorused the senior officers.
Neelix looked rather pleased with himself. "So if we just disappear, it might actually help my mystique and reputation."
Chakotay grinned and hit his comm badge. "Four to beam out. Tom, grab Neelix, he appears not to be wearing his comm badge." He didn't look to see what part of Neelix Tom managed to get hold of. Suddenly Chakotay was eager to return to Voyager. Part of it was he wanted to see the transporter room staff's reaction to Tom cuddling a naked Neelix. But that was not his major reason. He held Kathryn close against his side and waited for transport. Her hand was wrapped around his waist burrowing down the back of his pants, slowly sliding around towards the front. Oh yes, nine hours would be no problem at all.
FIN
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