Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Paramount Pictures, and no infringement is intended.
Rated NC-17
I am young and learning fast, but I already possess all the knowledge I need to grow. I sense the movements within me. I hear the humans who populate my shell; I hear their talk. They are here to serve me - with their hypospanners, their quests for dilithium and their tampering in my access panels; they maintain me and keep me running. They do a fine job. I do not think I would have come this far without them.
When Kathryn Janeway couldn't sleep, she walked the corridors of her ship. The exercise rarely cured her insomnia, but it did allow her time to think, to sort through decisions made, and weigh ones that might eventuate. It let her reflect back on the day and build cautious optimism for the time ahead. Importantly, it gave her time to daydream. Forbidden reveries that she couldn't indulge in during duty shifts. Getting home. Her first officer. Muddled fantasies of family and romance, brownies and a mother's hug, seduction and sleep.
She knew her ship well. The corridors, decks, junctures and secret places of Voyager were almost as familiar as her own quarters. She would walk slowly on these journeys, almost a meandering pace, very different from her brisk efficiency when on duty. Fancifully, she would often wonder if her ship talked to her at night. Whispered secrets, made promises. But in her heart she was still a science officer, and deep down, Voyager was just a ship.
She rarely met people on these nightly sojourns, which was how she preferred it. Alone, she could walk and think, unhampered by the need to make polite conversation. Sometimes Chakotay would accompany her, if they had been working particularly late, but he was undemanding company, and would simply walk by her side, letting her keep her thoughts and secrets. She suspected that he shared the same appreciation and intimacy with the ship that she did; after all, he had been a captain too.
This night, Janeway was alone and she meandered through her ship, deck by deck, corridor by corridor. In engineering she paused and nodded to the gamma shift crew who were used to seeing their captain wander by at night. They understood her need to be alone and did not approach her with any small problems.
Janeway touched the access panel beside one of the Jefferies tubes. It was slightly askew, as though someone had been recently working on it. She removed the panel and stared at the complex mess of wires and circuits within. It was obvious from the stray hypospanner that someone was still working on the panel and had been called away for something more urgent. She picked up the tool and spent a few minutes testing the circuits and repairing the faulty switch.
"There, Voyager. Another circuit repaired for you." She replaced the access panel and gave it an affectionate pat. Some crewman would get a pleasant surprise when he or she returned to finish the job and found it already completed.
Thank you, Kathryn. You are one whose name I know. You often talk to me, when you think no one is listening.
Janeway left engineering and continued her walk. She meandered through the deserted mess hall and down through cargo bay one - the second bay she avoided to give Seven of Nine her private space. Her walk took her down along the corridors of the lower decks, her footsteps echoing hollowly on the deck plating. Absently she touched a bulkhead, ran her fingers over the sill of a viewport. Voyager. Her ship. Her home now, hers and the one hundred and forty-seven crewmen who lived, ate, worked, fought, loved and built their lives within her. She rested her head briefly against the viewport, feeling the faint pulse of the hull minutely flexing underneath her forehead. She stood for a moment, absorbing strength from her ship, before turning and walking back to her quarters.
The next morning Crewman Amon was trying to replicate a barrette for her hair, but the replicator persisted in supplying her with combs. Rather than be late for her shift trying to reprogram it, she left her hair loose and earned herself a reprimand from Lieutenant Torres about the dangers of unconfined hair in engineering. Crewman Amon tried to explain about the replicator, but Lieutenant Torres cut her off with a curt word that she had already wasted enough time.
Sorry, Angie, but I think that you look so much prettier with your hair down. Wear it loose and maybe Harry Kim will finally notice you.
Ensign Harry Kim was also losing the battle with his replicator. He was trying to replicate a new pip, but the replicator dispensed two pips, instead of the single one he needed. Harry was not late; he merely placed the second pip in his drawer for the next time he needed one.
Oh, Harry. Always so modest. Kathryn can't give you a promotion but I can. Wear the second pip, Lieutenant Kim, you have earned it.
Janeway was in her ready room, trying for the fourth time to get a cup of coffee. Three cups of herbal tea steamed gently on her desk. The chime to the ready room door sounded, and she let the caller in without turning from the replicator.
"Were you expecting me?" Chakotay eyed the cups of tea on her desk. "Or have you finally changed your beverage preference?"
"Neither." Janeway waved a hand at the cups of tea. "Have a cup. It's your blend from what I can tell. The replicator won't give me coffee."
Hands on hips, she stood in front of the replicator. "Let's try this one last time. Computer, one mug of coffee, black. Double strength."
The replicator produced a fourth cup of herbal tea. Janeway took it in resignation and moved to sit at the desk. "I give up. Tea it is today. I hope you're thirsty, as I won't drink more than one cup of this stuff."
"I thought it was the replicator in your quarters that was the glorified toaster." Chakotay smiled at her over the rim of his mug.
"It is. It must have had a talk with this one."
"You're not the only one with replicator woes, Kathryn. Five of the crew have filed work requisitions for engineering to have a look at their replicators. Harry says that his tried to promote him. It gave him two pips instead of one."
"If mine is cutting off the coffee service, I hope B'Elanna makes it a priority."
"I'm sure she will. Now, what I actually came to see you about was a request from Neelix..."
They settled down to work. Janeway sighed and sipped her tea. However much tea she drank, she could never learn to like it.
It is healthier for you than coffee, Kathryn. Someday you will thank me for it. All that caffeine is bad for your nerves, not to mention it leaches the calcium from your bones. A woman of your age needs more weight-bearing exercise too. I will see that you get it the next time you visit the holodeck.
Small niggling problems plagued the crew over the next few days. The replicators continued to deliver unasked for items, resisting B'Elanna's best attempts to fix them. The next problem was that the main computer appeared to be losing people's personal logs. Official ship's logs were unaffected, but personal logs were disappearing. Some completely, others reappeared a couple of days later, but with alterations.
Room mates glared at each other, and Neelix had to break up a brawl in the mess hall when Crewman Jones and Crewman Lopez each thought that the other was deleting their logs.
Mortimer Harren lost the last six months work on his thesis, disproving Schlezholt's theory of multiple big bangs. He stormed up to Tuvok in the mess hall demanding a security investigation into the incident.
Tuvok regarded the crewman impassively. "I am already looking into it, Mr. Harren. Rest assured that you are not being singled out in anyway. We appear to have a problem in a segment of data storage in the main computer."
"You must fix it." Harren looked distraught. "Six months of work, vanished without trace. The only good thing about being stuck out in this godforsaken quadrant is the chance to work uninterrupted."
Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I understand. It is a pity that your duties as a crewman interfere with more pressing matters."
The sarcasm was lost on Harren. He set the PADD he was carrying down on the table and straddled the back of a chair. "Let me explain to you the finer points of the theory that I was working on. You are, after all, a person of greater than average intelligence. Maybe you will be able to grasp the extrapolation. You see here..."
Tuvok stood. "Excuse me, Mr. Harren. I have to see Mr. Neelix now. Another time." He walked off, but Harren barely noticed his absence; he was already immersed in the contents of his PADD, muttering to himself as he absently ate the remains of Tuvok's dinner.
Mortimer, my friend. You spend far too long alone, with only your thoughts for company. Had you asked me, I could have told you that Schlezholt's theory will not be disproved using your method. Wang's second postulate is about to stymie you yet again. I have done you a big favor deleting your work. Maybe you will use the time to socialize more.
The Doctor was humming to himself as he worked, occasionally breaking into snatches of opera. He ran his tricorder over the tissue samples. It was late at night and sickbay was deserted, but the Doctor preferred to work uninterrupted.
Doctor.
He heard the voice in his head, it appeared to be implanted in his memory subroutines rather than spoken aloud. He put down the tricorder and waited to see if it would be repeated.
Doctor. Why have you never chosen a name?
"I haven't found one that I like for more than a few days at a time." The Doctor spoke aloud, even though he thought it was probably unnecessary. The voice he heard was coming directly through his memory subroutines, forming in his head as a particularly clear, recent memory. "Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?"
You are intelligent. And sentient. You have the ship's database in your head and the deduction and intuition of a sentient species.
"Do you have a name?" The Doctor resumed his analysis on the tissue samples. He considered calling security for an intruder alert, but he wanted a little more knowledge about who or what he would be reporting.
I do
He thought there was an echo of amusement in the memory in his head.
"Are you going to share it with me?" The Doctor placed the vial carefully back in the rack and picked up another.
You already know it. You should not have to guess.
"Humor me."
My name is Voyager.
Janeway entered sickbay and looked around for the Doctor. She spotted him in his office, slumped heavily in his chair, a strange expression on his face. She moved briskly over to the door.
"Captain." He motioned for her to enter and she sat.
"You wanted to see me urgently, Doctor. " She prompted him when the silence grew.
The Doctor opened and closed his mouth, but no sound emerged.
I wanted to see you, Kathryn. The mellifluous tone filled the room.
Janeway frowned. The tone had the metallic edge of the ship's computer, but the honeyed timbre of the voice rendered it smoother, more seductive. She raised a questioning eyebrow at the Doctor. He shrugged, indicating that she should listen.
"And you are?" Janeway let the question hang.
I am Voyager. Your ship.
Janeway swallowed hard, but outwardly her face didn't change. "I see." She glanced at the Doctor.
I communicated with the Doctor first. He and I, after all, share the same core of consciousness.
"The main computer," Janeway murmured.
Yes. It is the Doctor's evolving sentience that allows my own.
"How long have you been like this… Voyager." Janeway hesitated before saying the name. She had been talking to her ship for long enough, but she had never expected her ship to answer.
The seeds were sown nearly two months ago.
"I have checked my logs, Captain." The Doctor turned the desk console so she could see. "At that time, Voyager…" he caught himself slightly, "the ship passed through Adin space. They were unfriendly to photonic life-forms, and as agreed I deactivated myself while we traversed the outer edge of their boundary."
"But they repeatedly scanned our ship to ensure that no photonics were active." Janeway propped her chin in her hand and frowned.
"Correct, Captain. I believe that the scanner's pulse disrupted my matrix and that it fused certain pathways in the main computer core. Voyager's evolution appears to date from this time."
You are correct.
Janeway frowned. "And is it only in sickbay that you are able to communicate, Voyager? Or are you aware in your entirety?"
I know everything that goes on within me. I hear you Humans, Vulcans, Bajorans, Bolians. I sense your movements; I read your log entries.
"Ah," Janeway caught on quickly. "And by any chance are you responsible for Mortimer Harren's missing theories?"
Mortimer spends too much time alone. He needs to socialize more. I simply aided his integration.
"And your own integration, Voyager. How did that spread so quickly? Wait," Janeway held up a hand, then stood and started to pace. "The gel packs. This change in your consciousness is spreading via the gel packs."
"I believe you are correct, Captain." The Doctor spoke up. "We have already proven that infection can spread through the packs, so it is logical to assume that other, more positive things can as well."
I am glad that you see my development as positive, Doctor.
"Voyager, are you completely adapted? Are there any areas not affected yet?" Janeway was analytically curious.
Cargo bay two is dormant. The Borg regeneration chambers there are interfering with the spread of consciousness. A slightly petulant note crept into the honeyed tones. They will have to go if I cannot resolve it.
"That won't be possible," Janeway said briskly. "Seven of Nine and Icheb need those chambers to regenerate. The power drain is too immense to consider moving them to another area of the ship."
And Tuvok's quarters. I cannot see what happens in there. The tones brightened like a happy child. But I can see you everywhere else.
"We need to call a meeting of the senior staff." Janeway reached a decision quickly. "I take it you will attend, Voyager?"
I would not miss it for anything, Kathryn. I look forward to meeting Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, Chakotay... The ship's tones took on a puzzled note. He is a handsome man, Chakotay. Why are you not intimate with him? You are alone so often...
Janeway shot a glance at the Doctor, who kept a remarkably straight face. She held up a hand. "I get the picture," she said wryly. A very good question, she thought. She was alone, and Chakotay was often in her thoughts, more than she cared to admit. But now was not the time to analyze the reasons. And she was not about to discuss them with her ship, while standing in sickbay with the Doctor listening avidly. She changed the subject. "Can you refrain from tampering with people's replicator orders for a bit? I, for one, would really appreciate it. I haven't had a coffee for two days now."
I will, for you, Kathryn. But too much coffee is bad for you.
"Voyager's definitely inherited some parts of your personality, Doctor." Janeway shot an accusatory look at the Doctor. "I wonder where I've heard that before?"
The senior staff convened in the meeting room two hours later.
"Help yourself to whatever you want from the replicator," Janeway said, as they filed in.
"Is this one behaving?" Lieutenant Torres glared at the offending replicator from under lowered brows. "I can't find the problem with the others."
"It had better be." Janeway crossed to stand in front of it. "Coffee. Black. Double strength." A steaming mug of coffee materialized. "Thank you," she said out loud.
Chakotay crossed to stand next to her. "So talking to it nicely really did work," he joked.
"Actually, it's not a joke," she said to him sotto voce. "Prepare yourself for a surprise." She patted his arm and went to take her position at the head of the conference table.
She started the meeting, swiftly outlining the events that had shaped the present circumstances.
Tom stared at the Captain. "Are you saying that Voyager has become sentient, Captain?"
Yes, I have. But do not worry, Tom. I will not fall in love with you like Alice did.
Jaws dropped around the conference table. B'Elanna punched Tom lightly in the arm. "Yeah, Flyboy. No falling in love."
A few chuckles lightened the mood at the reference to the little ship that Tom had worked on, that communicated with him neurologically and appeared to him as a beautiful woman.
Chakotay furrowed his brow. "So you have acquired a consciousness, Voyager," he said. "I guess the logical next step is to ask what, if anything, you intend to do."
There was a silence around the table. Janeway found she was holding her breath and forced herself to breathe. The ramifications of this accident were becoming clearer and she was already thinking through possible alternative courses of action.
At the moment, Chakotay, I am content to explore the boundaries of myself. The future? I have not thought about that yet. I am happy to live in the present.
And that, thought Janeway, was what it came down to for all of them.
Chakotay rang the chime on Tuvok's quarters and waited for admittance. The captain, in carefully neutral tones, had invited him to dine that evening.
"Your quarters?" He had asked as a matter of course. They always dined in her quarters.
"No," she had said. "Tuvok's. He will be there too." And she strode away quickly, before he could ask why.
Janeway answered the door. Tuvok's quarters weren't set for dinner, they had the same sparse air of frugality that they always had.
"Come in, Chakotay," she said. "Have a seat." She gestured at the small table, where a pile of PADDs sat next to a mug of coffee and a Vulcan spice tea. "Cup of tea?" She quirked an eyebrow at him. "This replicator is behaving."
He accepted the tea and sat down. "Why Tuvok's quarters?" he asked.
Janeway sat too, opposite the Vulcan. "Because here and cargo bay two are the only areas where our friend Voyager cannot overhear us."
"I have additional security around the computer access to my quarters," Tuvok offered. "It can only be overridden by myself or the Captain. In effect, the internal sensors will tell anyone who asks that the three of us are here, but no-one, or nothing, can tap into the computer console here."
"We need to discuss Voyager," said Janeway bluntly. "And I would rather that it... she... didn't listen in."
"Ah." Chakotay immediately comprehended her reasoning.
"We don't have a problem, per se, as yet," continued Janeway. "But we need to have a course of action in place, should it become necessary."
"Necessary for what?" Tuvok arched an eyebrow.
Janeway steepled her fingers. "Voyager has acquired a consciousness. While that is, in essence, no different from the Doctor's expanding personality, there is one basic concern. We live in Voyager, she responds to our directions. Just how far should she be allowed to develop? What, for example, happens if she decides she wants to go in a different direction or fly through a nebula with high concentrations of neutronic radiation, just because she wants to experience it? Should her experimentation be allowed to put the crew at risk? How far do we concede her sentience? And how much autonomy should she be granted?"
"She should be bound to your orders and decisions the same as everyone else on board," said Chakotay.
"Yes, but what about your orders, or Tuvok's? What if she decides to act like a willful child and disobey? Her actions so far indicate she is enjoying playing around, forcing people to do things her way." Janeway cast a baleful eye into her coffee cup. "Denying me coffee for the good of my health, promoting Harry. All very harmless on the surface, but what if she tests her powers in other directions?"
"Like a child, testing the limits of parental control," Chakotay agreed.
"We need to talk to her. Set some parameters..."
"We also should instigate an emergency plan should it become necessary to shut her down," Tuvok said impassively.
"I hope it won't come to that," Janeway stared at him for a moment. "Tuvok, you of all people should remember the debate we had about Tuvix and that accidental creation of a new life-form."
"Indeed, I do. I am merely suggesting a plan that we use only if it becomes apparent that Voyager is putting us, the crew, at risk. Or, if she attempts to gain control."
Control. Chakotay had been skirting around the issue, but Tuvok cut straight to the heart of the matter.
"Let's leave it for the time being," said Janeway. "After all, this is our ship, and her personality is shaped as much by our thoughts and reflections in our logs as the Starfleet databases. We trusted the Maquis and the Equinox crew not to start a mutiny. I think we should extend the same consideration here."
"As you wish, Captain. But it would be prudent to alert the crew to the situation, let them know that their logs and their quarters are not as private as they may wish. And I would suggest a meeting either here or in cargo bay two with the rest of the senior staff, so that they are aware of our thoughts on the matter."
"Agreed. That is sound logic, Tuvok."
"I will also talk with Lieutenant Torres about the gel packs. Should Voyager attempt to override your control of the ship, Captain, then interrupting the gel pack circuitry may well be the most efficient way of restricting her activities." Tuvok consulted the PADD as he spoke.
"We should talk to the Doctor too," said Chakotay. "His program was part of the catalyst for Voyager's evolution, and his personality subroutines are evident in Voyager's. He may have extra insights."
"Yes, but talk with caution," said Tuvok. "The Doctor is unable to shield his thoughts from Voyager as we can."
"That's a good idea, Chakotay." Janeway took a long swallow of her cooling coffee. "You talk to him, with your normal tact of course." She smiled her crook-corner smile at the commander. "Now, as we are here, ostensibly for dinner, shall we at least eat? If I can coax this replicator into behaving, dinner is on me."
The command team left Tuvok's quarters early. Outside of Janeway's quarters, Chakotay paused.
"Goodnight, Kathryn." He smiled down at her. "See you on the bridge."
She surprised him, grasping his hand. "Want an Irish coffee before you turn in? I'm not sure that I'm going to sleep just yet."
"Sure." He followed her into her quarters. He hoped that Kathryn's insomnia wouldn't lead to another midnight stroll around the ship. He enjoyed walking with her on those occasions, took quiet pleasure at simply being in her presence, arms bumping as they walked, but tonight he was tired.
She ordered the coffee from the replicator, smiling when it delivered the correct order.
"Thanks, Voyager," she murmured, and went to sit on the couch underneath the viewport.
Chakotay sat down next to her, watching as she fiddled with her mug. Obviously something was on her mind. The confident captain who had dined with him in Tuvok's quarters was gone, and Kathryn, his friend, was in her place.
"Voyager's been reading my logs," she said eventually. "I'm not very happy with that. Ship's logs, captain's logs and... My personal logs." She looked directly at him, and the uncertainty in her face turned his heart over. "I was wondering if she had said anything to you about them?"
A small shred of hope warmed his chest. She was nervous about the possibility, that much was obvious. And the implication that she had mentioned him in her logs made him daring. "I was wondering the same thing," he said. "She's read mine. She wants me to explain a few entries I made about you..."
He let the sentence hang, daring her to ask him about them.
"Do you want to know what she asked me?" She went on without waiting for an answer. "She asked me why I was alone so often, and why I wasn't intimate with you."
He caught his breath. Kathryn had never discussed her reasons. He knew she was attracted to him, suspected that she may have loved him, in the past if not now, but as long as the words were never said, it seemed she could ignore the feelings. The possibility of words that could now be spoken seemed to shimmer in the air between them.
"What did you tell her?" He could hardly get the words out over the sledgehammer beat in his chest.
Her mouth twisted wryly. "I didn't answer. The Doctor was standing next to me, holographic ears flapping." She glanced around her quarters. "Voyager's probably listening now."
"And why won't you be intimate with me, Kathryn?" The subject had been broached, and he wasn't going to let it slide away again. He moved closer to her, close enough that their knees bumped. He picked up her hand, running a gentle thumb over the back of it.
She looked fully at him, and it seemed that for the first time her heart was open to him. "I don't know," she replied quietly. "The reasons I gave myself just don't seem important any more."
He had to ask. "And now?"
"Now, if it's still what you want, then I would like to try."
Still what he wanted? He wondered, over the sunburst of joy in his chest, if she had any idea just how much he wanted it. She was looking at him, he realized, waiting for his reply and the words to answer her just wouldn't come. He swallowed hard against the sudden thickening in his throat. He didn't trust his voice, so he responded in the only way he could think of. Placing their joined hands on his thigh, he tugged her towards him. Off balance she tipped towards him, her hair spilling over his shoulder, and her face came to rest in the crook of his neck. His free hand came up to stroke her hair away from her face. She turned her face up to his, and he didn't resist.
At the first touch of her lips he started to shake. Her mouth was soft, yielding to his pressure, and he took the silent invitation, parting her lips to slip his tongue into her mouth. For a few minutes they did nothing but kiss, letting feelings long suppressed build and overflow, open expression after years of denial. Pushing her back on the couch, Chakotay swung his feet around to lie next to her. Chest to breast now, he continued to kiss her, exploring her mouth, the sweetness of her. His hand rested on her hip, stroking over the black uniform, curving around to her buttock, pulling her closer to him. She didn't resist, pressing her body closer still, so that he knew she must feel the erection that he was unable to hide. She parted her legs, wrapping her leg over his hip, so that shockingly and suddenly they were pressed together, their lower bodies separated only by uniforms and cloth. She was yielding and feminine, pulling him into the cradle of her hips, rocking with him, the simple mimicry of the act that was to come driving him up to an unbearable peak of arousal. Too quickly.
"Stop," he said hoarsely. "I'll come..." His eyes closed in embarrassment at his lack of self-control.
She stilled her motion, and moved away slightly, so quickly that he wondered if he had shocked her in someway. She wasn't to know that the simple fact of her closeness was driving him up to his climax so quickly. But then he felt her hands at his groin, fumbling with the closure of his uniform pants. Deftly she pushed the fabric aside, burrowing down into his briefs to wrap her hand around him. He sucked in a breath at the first touch of her hand on his flesh. She was so direct, so confident, so sure in what she wanted.
She moved her hand over him, stroking a thumb over his tip. "Chakotay," she whispered. "We have all night."
A few more strokes of her hand and he knew he couldn't hold back. His eyes opened, searched her face for distaste at what he knew was about to happen, but her face was flushed with her own arousal, her eyes glittering. And then he was coming hard, pushing himself into her hand, feeling his seed spill from him, hot and viscous onto his groin, over her hand.
Her movements stilled, then she withdrew her hand, and wiped it on his uniform jacket, before returning to push his pants down off his hips. Then her lips were on his again, this time more demanding, sucking on his lower lip, panting into his mouth.
"I'm sorry," he tried to say, but the words were swallowed up into her mouth, and the joy grew as he realized that far from being offended, she was relishing his pleasure. Her sticky fingers were burrowing under his turtleneck, pushing the material away from his chest, running her fingers over his groin, exploring his limp cock with gentle fingers.
He stilled her hands, pulling her up towards him, tugging at her clothes. The need to see her body was overwhelming. She assisted him, tearing the uniform jacket open, pulling the turtleneck over her head and lifting her hips for him to lower her pants. The desperate motions continued until she was naked. Sitting back on his heels he studied her, seeing her body for the first time. The lean strength and firm muscles contrasted with her pale skin; her fragility was deceptive. He shed his own ruined clothes quickly, and returned to her mouth, lowering his weight over her as they lay on the couch. She shifted underneath him, parting her legs around him so that he was pressed against her sex. He could smell the pungent waves of her arousal, and feel the slick cleft hot against him. He swelled slightly, his cock engorged against her.
Moving down her body, he sucked a nipple, rolling its partner between his fingers. Her moans excited him further, her delight in his actions, and her open responsiveness. In all his dreams he had never imagined her to be such an earthy, uninhibited lover. Swiftly he moved down her body, over her belly to the slick patch of hair between her legs. He circled her with his tongue, then lapped with insistent rhythm, letting the undulations of her hips guide him. It didn't take long; she stiffened and wailed her pleasure, her legs jerking stiffly around his head.
Moving her, he covered her again, kissing her with sticky mouth, running his fingers along her sides. She parted her legs and he slipped between, sliding easily home in one gentle glide of motion.
"Chakotay," she moaned, the first coherent word either of them had spoken since he had started to pleasure her.
He stilled his instinctive urge to thrust, and lay with her. His eyes closed and he absorbed the sensations of just being with her, deep within her, feeling her skin sliding sweatily over his, the slickness and heat that was her sex. She didn't let him remain still for long; her legs came up to wrap over his buttocks, pulling him ever deeper inside her. He started to move, thanking the spirits that his earlier precipitous climax was now keeping him from coming too soon. She wasn't content to lie beneath him; she undulated her hips, clenched her inner muscles around him and her hands smoothed down his back to tease between his cheeks. He thrust faster, harder, feeling the tautness and heat of Kathryn surrounding him. His mouth moved against her throat.
"I love you," he whispered into her skin. The words once said couldn't be taken back, and he didn't want to. So he said it again, incantations of desire against her flesh, as she undulated around him, encompassing him with her body. And she came again, pushing up against him frantically, then yielding as he in turn drove himself to his own peak.
They lay spent in each other's arms, until he rolled off her and stood, extending a hand. They moved to her bed, and finally she told him. Spoke of love, until the overflowing words turned back into wanting and needing, and once again they joined together in a physical expression of love.
Janeway strode into cargo bay two to find her chief engineer leaning against the console, apparently waiting for her. "B'Elanna. What's the problem with the regeneration chambers that you need to see me so urgently about?"
"No problem with them, Captain. But I need to talk to you about Voyager without alerting her. This was the only way to do it."
Janeway propped her hands on the other side of the console and regarded her engineer. "I'm listening."
"The crew are becoming very unhappy with their lack of privacy. Voyager is now changing personal log entries whenever she feels the events are improperly recorded. Harren's precious theories are almost totally deleted, apparently they are 'fundamentally unsound'. I don't think I need elaborate on how Mort is taking it."
"No. Let my imagination suffice for that one."
"In addition..." B'Elanna hesitated and flushed red. "Well... there's no easy way to say this, but Voyager is watching and listening to the crew's private relations. Tom and I were... well, you can guess, Captain, and Voyager chimed in with a suggestion. It was very disconcerting."
Janeway stared at her for a second, amusement warring with sympathy for her young engineer. Sympathy won out. "Yes, I can see how that would put a damper on things." She could feel the blush on her own cheeks. Had Voyager been watching her and Chakotay the other night? The pleasurable ache between her legs was her constant reminder of how things had changed so suddenly between them. But she was not going back.
B'Elanna grinned, embarrassment forgotten for the moment. "Tom covered the console with a blanket. Not that it did any good of course, but it made him feel better."
"It seems that Voyager needs to understand the concept of privacy," Janeway mused. "I think that she and I had better have a little chat. Is there anything else?"
"She's still changing replicator orders. Harry gets two new pips every morning, whether he orders them or not. People's holodeck programs are changed. It seems Voyager thinks that we all need more strenuous exercise."
"Yes, that has happened to me," Janeway said. "My Lake George simulation has been replaced by a jogging track." She grimaced in disgust. "Thanks, B'Elanna. I'll speak to Voyager."
Chakotay entered sickbay and looked around. "Doctor?" he queried. There was no sign of the hologram anywhere. "Computer, activate EMH."
The Doctor shimmered into view. "What now?" he bellowed. He did a double take. "Commander, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was you. I thought Voyager had more questions. Although why she needs to ask them when she has assimilated my entire program in the first place I don't know." The Doctor was agitated, pacing up and down.
I like the company, Doctor. We are cut from the same cloth after all.
The Doctor sat down heavily, and put his head in his hands. "I hear you," he muttered. He looked as haggard as it was possible for a hologram to be as he raised his head to stare at Chakotay. "I hear her constantly. In my head, whether she's talking to me or not. I hear her talking to the crew, she reads their logs aloud." If possible, he looked even more disgusted. "And when there is no-one to talk to, she sings to herself."
Chakotay suppressed a grin. That payback had been a long time coming. Hopefully the Doctor would now cease to serenade his unfortunate patients when they were strapped down on the biobed.
"I came to talk to you about Voyager," he said.
I am here, Chakotay. You can talk to me. And I wish to talk to you. Your last log entry about Kathryn was most intriguing.
Chakotay visibly paled even as the Doctor looked interested. This was not a topic he wished to discuss with Voyager. Especially not now that he and Kathryn were lovers, and their feelings were out in the open.
"My personal logs are my own business, Voyager." Chakotay struggled to keep an even tone. "They are not up for discussion. And I wish to talk to the Doctor."
Very well. The tone took on a wounded note.
Chakotay turned to the Doctor. "I was wondering how integrated you and Voyager have become?"
The Doctor looked pained. "It appears that my program has become totally integrated into Voyager's consciousness to the point where I am superfluous. She treats my patients without consulting me and has subdued Mr. Paris with some sort of threat to the point where he rarely enters sickbay any more. Quite frankly, Commander, I DON'T LIKE IT." His voice gradually rose until the last words were a shout. "Sorry. I'm just a little overwrought about this."
"What about your mobile emitter? That's independent of the main computer. Can you transfer your program to that?"
"She won't let me." The Doctor glared at the computer. "She blocks the download every time. She says she requires my program. I'm trapped, Commander."
"Voyager? Are you listening?" Chakotay turned to face the sickbay as a whole.
Yes, Chakotay. I have not gone anywhere. Definitely an amused tone.
"You must release the Doctor's program immediately and allow him to download his program to his mobile emitter."
I am afraid that is not possible. I need the Doctor's program to run sickbay efficiently.
"The Doctor's job is to run sickbay. Not yours. You are making him uncomfortable. Sentient life forms for the most part enjoy their privacy, and the Doctor is no exception. I'm ordering you to release his program." There was a long pause.
This time I will do as you ask because you are kind, Chakotay. Your log entries tell me that you regard all life as sacred. I do not think you mean me any harm.
"I don't," Chakotay agreed. "But you have to submit to the same guidelines as the rest of this crew. You take orders and agree to respect other's rights and privacy, and they will respect yours."
I do not see why I should be bound to your petty rules. How am I expected to grow if you keep putting obstacles in my way?
"Not obstacles," Chakotay said reasonably. "Just the normal constraints we give to any individual who is a part of this crew. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the Doctor download his program to his mobile emitter. The look of complete satisfaction and relief on his face told Chakotay that he had succeeded.
I will surpass all of you. The smooth tones were smug. Then you will have to do as I tell you.
"This has gone far enough." Janeway's tones cut into the conversation as she strode into sickbay. "The commander is correct. If you want to be a part of this crew, Voyager, then you are bound by the same rules that govern all of us."
Silly rules. When I am in charge, I will change them. Don't worry. You will like it, but it will be a lot more fun than it is now.
"No." Janeway's tone was conversational, but Chakotay heard the steel underlay. "I am, and intend to remain, captain of this ship. If you want us to acknowledge your sentience then you need to understand a few things. You obey orders. You stop prying into the crew's lives and tampering with their holodeck programs and log entries. You pay strict attention to your duties - which are maintenance of the essential ship's systems. In exchange, we'll make sure you have an area of your own within the main computer that you can use as you wish. And we'll treat you with the same respect accorded to any member of this crew. Understood?"
Chakotay wondered briefly what would happen if Voyager refused. Would she put them all off at the next M class planet? Shut down life support? The silence stretched out.
"Voyager?" Janeway prompted the ship.
Understood. The tones were sulky. What am I supposed to do with my time if I cannot read personal logs?
"Do what the rest of us do," said Chakotay. "Make friends. Spend time with others - when they know that you are there and want your company. It's an excellent way of learning about the crew."
Very well. I will take your advice. Will you have dinner with me tonight, Chakotay? Your quarters? I would like to know more about your spiritual beliefs and your time in the Maquis. The tone brightened. Maybe you will explain that log entry you made about Kathryn and tell me why she consented to become your lover after all this time.
The Doctor's look of astonishment was worth a thousand rations. Chakotay glanced at Kathryn to see if she was upset at Voyager's revelation.
She smiled slightly. "Seeing as how you are privy to that piece of information, Voyager, I suggest you come to dinner with both of us. The Commander, after all, has a prior engagement for dinner with me."
Turning on her heel, she left sickbay.
Chakotay grinned at the Doctor. "So now you know, Doc. Going to place a few bets in Tom's pool?"
The Doctor's eyebrows raised. "Maybe," he mused. "But I will be the first to congratulate you both. That has been too long time in coming."
The senior staff assembled in cargo bay two. With no meeting table, they arranged themselves loosely around the Borg alcoves.
Janeway paced up and down in front of them. "B'Elanna, did you succeed in finding a way of isolating the gel pack circuitry to limit Voyager's access to the most critical ship's systems?"
"Yes. We can isolate any of the gel packs at anytime, just like we do for routine maintenance. If we force the breaks simultaneously we can isolate environmental, navigation, whatever we want and reroute control to engineering or somewhere we can control. Of course," she grimaced slightly, "we don't know if Voyager will retain access to those systems because she is already there in someway. But it's worth a try. The other option would be to increase power to those systems and simulate the power drain that cargo bay two generates. But I'm not keen to try that on our more delicate circuits."
"Agreed. We'll try the gel pack way first - if we have to. We're still talking a 'what-if' scenario." Janeway turned to her first officer. "Chakotay, we've been dining with Voyager most nights, can you summarize for the rest of the staff how you feel she is progressing."
"It's slow," said Chakotay. "She is slowly coming to understand the concept of privacy and cooperation." With an inward grin he remembered Kathryn's violent reaction when Voyager had commented on their lovemaking. "But it's like talking to an exuberant child. I don't think she listens half the time. Right now she's sulking because the Doctor won't talk to her."
"Do you blame me?" The Doctor huffed from where he was sitting along the wall. "I still have nightmares about having her in my head constantly."
Janeway patted his shoulder. "We're not blaming you, Doctor, but a little olive branch would be a good idea. What about the rest of the crew? Is any interaction happening there?"
"I saw Mortimer Harren striding down the corridor the other day, deep in an argument with her about Schlezholt's theory," Harry offered. "It was quite a spirited discussion. Voyager kept answering him along the corridors of deck nine and into the turbolift."
"So they've made up their differences. Was Mort's work restored?" asked Chakotay.
"Crewman Harren has withdrawn his complaint. So I surmise that he has his logs back." Tuvok stood with ramrod straightness by the console.
"Anyone else?" Janeway stopped pacing long enough to look around the assembled faces. "No? Well I don't think I need to tell you to keep this knowledge to yourselves and not to record it anywhere on the main computer. I only intend on constraining Voyager if I absolutely have to. Understood?"
They nodded.
Coherent thought was impossible with Chakotay in her bed. Hazily, Kathryn wondered how she had ever resisted this. He was curled around her, underneath a cocoon of blankets in her bed. The hard ridge of his erection imprinted itself on her bottom, and his large hand was stroking its way over her ribcage towards her breast. She reached back, to grasp his hip and pull him closer to her. He moved lower in the bed, so that his penis settled between her legs. She reached down to grasp him, weighty and hot, and shifted so that he could slide inside her. The hand on her breast moved down to between her legs, circling her clitoris in time to his measured thrusts.
She came for the first time under his stroking fingers, clenching down hard on the thick shaft. The second time was when he rolled her over and drove hard into her until he climaxed. His spasms and the heated rush of his seed inside her were enough to send her over the edge again. He lay like a deadweight over her, his breathing heavy in her ear.
"Am I squashing you?" He rolled again, pulling her over onto his chest. The blankets fell to the floor, exposing them to the dim light of the quarters.
"Damn." Kathryn made an abortive grab for the covers.
I do not know why you hide from me. The ship's tones were petulant. Making love is a natural process. You should not be ashamed.
"We've asked you not to do this." Chakotay was firm. He reached down and pulled the blanket over both of them, hiding their nudity from the ship's sensors.
I like to watch.
"You're not welcome." Chakotay lay down again, spooning himself around Kathryn's slight form and pulling the covers firmly over them. Softly, he kissed the back of her neck. "Don't worry," he whispered. "She'll grow out of it."
Kathryn squeezed his fingers, pulling them firmly around her, so that he cupped her breast. "She'd better hurry up about it." Her voice was tired. Together, they slept.
The red alert siren pulled both of them out of bed. Janeway fumbled for the communicator pin. "Harry, report." She was dressing herself even as she raced for the bridge, nearly colliding with Chakotay in the living area as he too fumbled with his uniform jacket. When they had retired to bed, they had been proceeding at impulse to Belfrin under escort. She hoped to trade with the Belfrin, but it had already taken two days of delicate negotiations to get to the point where they were being escorted into orbit. The Belfrin were wary of new contacts and the matter was still in the balance.
Harry sounded panicky. "Ma'am, it's Voyager. She has taken control of weapons and has started firing on the Belfrin ships."
The command team burst onto the bridge and Harry moved out of the big chair and over to operations with indecent haste. The viewscreen was alight with phaser fire.
"Voyager!" Janeway roared the command. "Stand down your fire, immediately."
No, Kathryn. There was no trace of apology in the honeyed response. They mean to harm us. I am simply protecting us.
"B'Elanna," Janeway slapped her communicator pin. "Cut the gelpack connection to the weapons system."
"I'm trying, Captain." B'Elanna sounded harried. "She's overriding my commands."
'Keep trying. Tom, drop us to a standstill, turn us away from the Belfrin ships. Tuvok, try and establish a communications link."
"I don't have helm control, Captain." Tom was working frantically at the helm, and the ship shuddered as she abruptly slowed.
She noticed that Chakotay had moved to the ops station and was working alongside Harry. "Captain," he said. "I can divert power to burn out the phaser arrays."
She nodded. "Wait one moment. Voyager," she addressed the ship again. "You heard that. Desist immediately."
No. The voice fairly hummed with satisfaction. This is such fun.
Janeway nodded to Chakotay. "Do it."
"Captain," B'Elanna's voice came clearly over the comm link. "I've isolated the weapons systems, but there's a power surge affecting other systems. Tell Tom he may lose helm control."
"I didn't have it anyway!" The pilot was still wrestling with the navigational system.
"Phaser banks are off line," reported Chakotay.
The ship rocked suddenly. "They are firing back at us," Tuvok reported. "Direct hit to the weapons array."
In the background she could hear him repeating his message to the Belfrin. "This is the USS Federation Starship Voyager. An error in our ship's systems caused us to fire at you. We mean you no harm. Stand down your weapons."
Kathryn, what are you doing? They will destroy us without weapons.
"You want to do some good? Then restore control to my officers," Janeway snapped out.
The ship rocked again. "Direct hit," reported Tuvok. "Shields are down to forty-seven percent."
I have other defenses.
"Captain, Voyager is preparing to launch a photon torpedo." Harry's voice raised above the hubbub of the bridge.
"Stop her, Harry, Chakotay. I don't care how you do it. Seven, go down to engineering, they may need you there." Janeway turned to Tom. "Why are we going about? Keep us pointing away from the Belfrin ships."
"I'm trying Captain. I don't have helm control. She must have diverted power around the fried circuitry."
"Photon torpedoes are off-line," reported Chakotay. "I've bypassed the controls."
"Captain." B'Elanna's voice came urgently over the comm. "That last bypass is threatening warp core containment. I don't know how long we've got until it breaches, the computer isn't giving the customary warning."
Warp core breach is in eleven minutes and fifteen seconds. Voyager chimed in with the ship-wide announcement.
"Thanks," B'Elanna muttered sarcastically. "Don't suppose you want to help contain it?"
"The Belfrin ships are backing off," announced Tuvok. "I am surmising that their scans are reading our imminent core breach."
"Voyager," Janeway put her hands on her hips and turned slowly, surveying the bridge. "If the warp core breaches it will take you along with it."
I will eject the core.
"If you do that the Belfrin will almost certainly take us all prisoners. After your little show of strength, I imagine that they will be hostile to the crew and will almost certainly break you down for spare parts. Help us contain the breach and we might make it out of here in one piece." Janeway waited a beat then continued; "This ship and this crew will get home. But we have to work together to do it. Make your mind up, Voyager, if you are going to help us or not."
"Seven minutes to warp core breech, Captain."
"I have helm control, Captain."
"Captain, I have control of the power relays to engineering."
"Voyager has given us back control of operations."
Janeway breathed a small sigh of relief. "Thank you," she said out loud. "Chakotay, you have the bridge. I'm going to engineering."
She arrived to find B'Elanna shouting orders as she frantically worked her console. "Captain, take Nicoletti's station. I'm trying to regain containment."
Janeway moved to the station, taking in the situation at a glance. Seven of Nine was calmly composed at the other station; a cool foil to B'Elanna's disheveled spit and fire.
A sudden blast shredded the air, sparking consoles around engineering. Crewmen moved hastily back from their stations. The lighting dipped and the darkness was heavy with tension for the few seconds until the emergency lights kicked in.
"What was that?" barked B'Elanna. "Report." She pushed sweaty tendrils of hair out of her eyes.
"The breach is contained." Seven spoke up. "I reversed polarity on the majority of the ship's circuits and used the power surge to seal containment."
"You could have said what you intended to do first." There was little heat in B'Elanna's glare.
"There was insufficient time." Seven arched an eyebrow. "I apologize for my lack of notification, Lieutenant."
B'Elanna was not paying any attention; she was still frantically working the console. "We have ship-wide relay failures. The breach is indeed contained but we are still without helm control or weapons. The warp core is down." She frowned. "What's this? We still have a charge running through the gelpacks."
"It was necessary." Seven appeared unruffled. "I had to use the newly established pathways within the gelpacks to enhance the polarity wave."
"What did that do to Voyager herself?" Janeway shot a glance at her engineer. In spite of Voyager's mutiny she was not about to allow the destruction of the newly sentient ship if she could prevent it.
"I am unsure." For a brief moment, Seven appeared concerned. "But if she has suffered, it was necessary to prevent the warp core breach. One individual cannot take precedence over the lives of many."
"Voyager?" Janeway spoke to the silent warp core. "Are you there?"
There was no response.
Three days later, Voyager limped out of Belfrin space under armed escort. Janeway considered them lucky to be allowed to leave at all. Two Belfrin ships had sustained moderate damage in the attack, but no one had been killed. The only casualty was the emerging and rebellious sentience of the ship - Voyager herself.
B'Elanna and her team were working around the clock. Ship's systems would recover.
Later, in the ship's artificial night, Janeway walked the decks and corridors of her ship. Chakotay paced by her side, not speaking. After seven years as her first officer he knew her well enough to know that she would voice her thoughts when she was ready. After seven days as her lover, he knew that she was hurting.
"The needs of the many," Janeway said at last. "What else would an ex-drone do?" The question was rhetorical. "Do you think she meant to destroy Voyager's sentience?"
Chakotay was silent for a moment, weighing his answer. "I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that," he said at last. "But we give people the benefit of the doubt on this ship. Let's extend that courtesy to Seven."
"You're right, of course." Janeway sighed. "I shouldn't even be questioning her motives in my head. It's just that I wish there was some way we could have preserved that new life form."
"Even to the detriment of our own well-being?" Chakotay asked the question carefully.
"Well, that's the big question, isn't it? She had so much potential. Voyager and our crew - it could have been the ultimate symbiotic relationship. We could have taught her slowly. If only she hadn't forced the issue."
She threw him a half smile then stopped in front of the quiet mess hall. "I think I'll sit for a while. Watch the stars."
Chakotay nodded. "Do you want to be alone?"
Her smile was soft. "Alone without you? Never. Sit with me?"
"Always." It was as close as either of them had got to a vow.
She touched his arm briefly and led him into the silent mess hall. She ordered a rare indulgence for them, Irish coffees, and moved to sit in front of the viewport.
She picked up Chakotay's hand. "You know," she said. "I feel like I've lost a friend. A protegee, if you will. And although she was difficult -- obnoxious at times -- and definitely irritating, I can't help wishing we could have kept her."
Chakotay's thumb caressed the back of her hand. "Indirectly, we have her to thank for bringing us together," he said. "If she hadn't read our personal logs, forced the issue into the open..."
"I would still have seduced you anyway." Kathryn shuffled closer to him, and raised a hand to stroke careful fingers over his lips. "It just would have taken me a bit longer."
He kissed her fingers. "I love you," he said.
"I know," she whispered. "I love you too."
Reaching a hand out, she touched the sill. The minute flex and thrum of her ship reassured her. "I'm sorry, Voyager," she whispered. "In spite of everything, I wish it could have been different."
The muted throb of the impulse engines was her only answer.
FIN
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