HIS MARK

Disclaimer: Paramounts. All Paramounts. Only the order of the words is mine.
Rated NC-17
This story is a companion piece to Pook's wonderful story, It's No Mystery . After I'd read it, Chakotay popped into my head and insisted on telling me his side of things. It's not necessary to read Pook's story first, but I highly recommend it.
I stole some dialog from the scene in Dr Crusher's office directly from Pook's story

As always, big thanks to my wonder-betas, Brianna and Char, and heartfelt thanks and a slab of Cooper's Pale Ale to Pookie for being so kind as to let me write this in the first place. I offered VB, but she didn't want it. I drank it instead and the result is the final scene.

"When this is all over," Kathryn said, passing a tired hand over her forehead, "I'm heading to Lake George. I'm going to read, sail, and sit and stare out over the water without Starfleet even entering my head."

I put down the PADD I was holding and smiled at her. "Don't forget food and coffee."

"How could I!" She waved her coffee mug and the contents came perilously close to sloshing over her leg. "Some of the crew may have lost the taste for Alpha Quadrant food, but I certainly haven't. I don't think I've eaten as much in months."

"Make that years." It was true. In the six weeks since we'd been back, Kathryn was eating with an intensity I'd never seen from her in the Delta Quadrant. Apple pie. Chocolate brownies. Curry. Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Vulcan spice cake. Her aide spent his time trotting over to the main kitchen and Kathryn had been reacquainting herself with real food with a vengeance.

"I hope you have a replicator at the cabin or you'll starve," I teased her.

A wry smile. "That is a problem, actually. Mom never liked them, so unless she's loosened up there's only an old-style stove."

I picked up the plate of gingersnaps and passed it over to her. "Better eat up now for the lean times ahead!"

She took two and dunked one in her coffee. "Maybe I'll advertise for a chef. I can't live on cookies and boiled eggs for a month."

"Take me along and I'll cook for you."

I'd said it as a joke, just another bantering remark, but the way Kathryn's face froze for a second expelled my breath as completely as a Nausicaan's blow to the stomach. She recovered quickly.

"You know you're always welcome, Chakotay."

The bland, professional mask was firmly back in place. But it was too late; in that unguarded moment I'd seen what she was hiding and it had rocked me to the soles of my black Starfleet boots.

Kathryn still wanted me.

The knowledge made my stomach roil with nausea. Not in disgust, or in panic that my superior officer wanted me, but in that helpless too-much-too-late sort of despair. I'd thought my path was already in front of me, just waiting for the imprint of my boot.

The moment had slid away, and I could see her cover up. You're always welcome, Chakotay, my friend, my best friend. Redrawing the old Delta Quadrant parameters.

I hesitated. I should take the lie that Kathryn had thrown and steer the conversation back to our old course. I had to do it: for my own sanity and for Seven. But my relationship with Kathryn, my nebulous, mixed up, never quite there relationship went back far longer than Seven. And I loved Kathryn deeply, even if I believed it had slipped silently into the warm and undemanding love of a close friend.

And what if I were right about the look I'd seen on Kathryn's face? What if she did still want more?

I'd taken too long to reply. Kathryn picked up the PADD again and said casually, "Well, the offer's there if you find you've got some time on your hands."

And then I knew we should at least give ourselves time together to find out what we really were to each other, and what we were going to be. Didn't we at least owe it to ourselves to ensure that the ghosts of what we might have been were comfortably settled between us?

"Kathryn." I leaned over to touch her hand, make her look up and see me, so that there could be no mistake. "I would love to come and spend time alone with you."

The intensity of my voice must have alerted her that this was no polite reply. Once again, she put down her coffee and studied me.

"What about Seven?"

I met her direct gaze. "Seven will understand."

One side of her mouth lifted. "I doubt that. On any level, I don't think she will comprehend. Seven doesn't do subtlety very well."

I inclined my head in acknowledgment of her words. "No, you're right. She won't understand. But Kathryn, I need to come, don't you think?"

Her face was still guarded, and even with my years of practice at reading her, I couldn't tell what she was really thinking.

"My final medical is tomorrow, with Dr. Crusher. I'm leaving immediately after she clears me to travel."

I nodded. "Mine is as well. Shall we go together?"

"Sure. I doubt you'd find the place otherwise. It's very secluded."

"Sounds perfect."

I picked up the PADD to resume working. I felt as if someone had pulled a suture tight over a wound that had healed open. The act of disturbing it was a twinge I could have done without, but I knew that when the edges came together again, the wound would close and I would heal.

She smiled at me, and this time it was a genuine one. "I think we need this time, Chakotay."

I returned her smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

*

Kathryn was right; Seven didn't understand.

Her smooth brow creased slightly as she gazed coolly at me. "I do not understand why you need to spend time with Captain Janeway. Were you not constantly at her side on Voyager? Why do you feel the need to retain your subservient position?"

I controlled the impulse to sigh heavily, and kept my voice calm. "Kathryn and I have been friends for a very long time. And you know that I loved her. I'm not spending this time with her as her first officer. We both need to find what we are to each other."

"I do not understand what there is to find. You are friends."

Her dismissive tone angered me, as did her cool negation of my needs. "There has always been the possibility of more between myself and Kathryn, Seven."

An eyebrow arched. She looked so like Tuvok that I would have laughed, if the situation hadn't been so fraught. "Are you saying you intend to seduce Captain Janeway? My understanding of human pair bonds is that they are monogamous. Why do you intend this if you are bonded with me?"

My irritation flared at her imperious assumption, and my answer was more abrupt as a result. "You and I have shared a few kisses and caresses. There is no expectation or bond as a result."

Her head inclined stiffly. "Then I see I have erred. When you stated you wished to be within transporter distance of me, I believed that it meant you loved me."

Her blue eyes were bewildered, and I immediately regretted my irritation. Seven was so damn young in so many ways. I held my arms open and she walked stiffly into them. "I like you very much, Seven. I find you beautiful, intelligent, and I enjoy your company. But I don't love you. It takes most men more than a few kisses to fall in love."

"Do you love Captain Janeway?" The words were muffled by my shirt.

"I love her yes," I answered honestly. "But I need to find out what sort of love it is."

She moved away from my chest, and guiltily, I saw that her eyes were moist.

"Then as you do not love me, I feel we should end our association."

Poor Seven. There really were no shades of gray in her life. Yet, although I enjoyed her company, and yes, enjoyed being seen with her on my arm, I knew I couldn't hold her to a relationship when there was every possibility I would renege. I bent to kiss her forehead. She turned slightly, and my lips contacted the crescent of metal above her eye. It felt cold, despite being close to her skin.

"I'm sorry that I can't be the man you want me to be," I told her honestly. "So, I agree; it's probably best if we go our separate ways."

Her chin lifted and she moved out of my arms. "I would prefer if you did not contact me," she said. "I need time."

I could give her that, so I nodded. I wanted to tell her that she was a wonderful, beautiful woman, who would make some man very happy someday. But the words seemed pat and false, designed to make me feel less guilty, so I remained silent. And Seven was no fool; I think she would have known the words for what they were.

She turned to go, and I watched her proud figure stride out of the door. She didn't look back.

I thought I would have felt free, but strangely, I felt rather lost, as if I'd fallen through the airlock and somebody had taken my environmental suit.

*

I passed my medical with flying colors. I'd not met Dr. Crusher before, but she was cool, professional, and easy to talk to.

After the usual scanning and prodding, she smiled at me. "Commander, you are physically fit. No old injuries that require any further treatment. Even the counselors are happy."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Even though I would have liked to chat to the famous Dr. Crusher, my glance stole to the chronometer on the wall. "Is there anything else?"

"No, Starfleet Personnel says you're free to go after you pass the medical, which you have." She handed me a PADD. "Here are all the details of your leave, contact details of your liaison officer and counselors if you need them, credit allowances etcetera. Do you have somewhere to go?"

I'd been so focused on my conversation with Seven, and a slight worry about this medical that I'd had little time to think about Lake George. But when Dr. Crusher asked me my plans, they welled to the front of my mind and bubbled over in what must have been a stupid grin. "I'm staying at an old friend's place by a lake here in North America and then I'll play it by ear."

She nodded. "Goodbye and welcome home, Commander."

"Thanks again, Doctor."

I felt her eyes on me as I left her office with a light step. I had a couple of hours before I was meeting Kathryn at the transporter terminal, and I still had to pack. But I also wanted to think about what that surge of joy had meant back there. It had been a bubbling happiness that came from within. Spontaneous. And maybe it was more than the anticipation of seeing a friend. I didn't know.

*

I'd decided to take one small bag to meet Kathryn. I didn't want to presume too much, and equally, I still wasn't sure what I wanted. My temporary quarters were being reallocated, so I was going to stow the rest of my gear with B'Elanna. She, Tom, and Miral had moved in with Tom's parents while they decided what they wanted to do next.

B'Elanna arrived as I was throwing the final bits of clothing into a bag. She stalked into the room and glared at the bag. "That's not much for me to store for you. Why not take it as well?"

I hefted it in my hand. "This one's coming with me. It's the rest that you're looking after."

B'Elanna sat down carefully on a pile of boxes. "I thought you were going for a while? Didn't you say you were going to some backwoods cottage with the captain?"

"I did. But I don't know... I mean, I can't..." I shrugged helplessly. "It's not that straightforward."

She gave me a long look. "In my book it is. You go down there, talk a bit if you must, go to bed, fuck each other's brains out, and in the morning it will be obvious whether it's a mistake or whether you're going to spend the rest of your life together."

"Is that what happened to you and Tom?"

"Pretty much. Although it took me several nights to get to the 'rest of my life' bit."

"I'm not sure Kathryn is the type you fuck as an experiment."

B'Elanna snorted in amusement. "You're not very good at it either, if I remember rightly."

"How do you know?" I said with great dignity. "I've never taken you to bed."

"I didn't mean you're no good in bed, you idiot, I meant you're not good at uncommitted sex." She punched my arm affectionately. "I'm sure you're a terrific lover; in fact Seska used to boast about how good you were. I'm rather sorry I'll never find out!"

I looked at the chronometer on the wall. "I can spare twenty minutes if you have the time."

"As long as you explain to Tom why I'm late home." She grinned. "We could have been good together, Chakotay. I guess we'll never know. But," and her face lost all trace of amusement, "you and the captain probably only have this chance to get it right--whatever 'right' may be. I think you owe it to both of you to figure out ahead of time what you do want from her. And if you want her for the rest of your life, well, you need to stop stepping back and letting her lead. Show her your inner caveman!"

I leaned across and pecked her on the cheek. "Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure when you got so wise, but I appreciate it."

She stood, and surveyed the cluster of my belongings she had to transport to the Paris' home. "So, are you going to take anything extra?"

"No. In spite of what you said, nothing's changed."

B'Elanna snorted again. "I hope the captain is a little more decisive than you, my friend."

*

Kathryn was waiting for me when I reached the transporter terminal. She was wearing blue jeans and a light sweater and, like me, carried a single bag. Maybe she didn't want to presume either.

I set my bag down, and she patted my arm in greeting. We could have been meeting on the bridge for Alpha shift instead of going away together for... For what?

"Dr. Crusher gave me the all clear," she said. "I didn't expect any different, but I have to say I'm feeling relieved it's over."

"No unexpected repercussions from your days as Borg?" It was the thing that weighed most heavily on my mind. The Doctor had done the best he could, but he'd had no backup except the information Starfleet sent over.

"Dr. Crusher told me she can remove the final Borg clamp from my spine without risk to my legs. I didn't want to miss this time with you, so I told her Dr. Reen's team can go ahead after my leave. I wasn't keen on spending the first week of my leave flat on my back."

I struggled to keep my expression neutral, but the dangerously loaded line froze me momentarily. Kathryn's expression shifted and she uncharacteristically blushed as she recognized what she'd said. Our polite caution dissolved, but a heightened awareness of each other took its place.

Before either of us could say anything more, the transporter operator beckoned us forward, and we stepped up to the pad. And then we were stepping off at the other end, into an obviously quiet public terminal.

Kathryn nodded to the operator, and said to me, "I think we can walk. It's only a couple of miles from here. They'll deliver the rest of our luggage later."

The rest? Obviously, Kathryn, at least, was planning a longer stay.

The road was quiet. Only an occasional hover car passed us, otherwise the only noise was the muted buzzing of insects. The humidity was intense, and I was glad of my short sleeve shirt. We reached the lake, and Kathryn led me along a narrow path around the edge. There were a few cabins, but they were scattered and most appeared to be currently unoccupied.

Kathryn pointed to the final one, a sturdy blue-painted structure with an expansive deck over the water. It was well away from its neighbor, and I was acutely aware how alone we would be. I watched Kathryn's back as she walked ahead of me, trying to read her. Was this a laying of old ghosts before she handed me back to Seven? Or was she hoping for more? Maybe, and the thought brought me up with a jerk, she was expecting us to have the proverbial dirty weekend, to get me out of her system before she went on with her life. I knew Kathryn had taken a few men to her bed in the Delta Quadrant, hell, we'd all had lovers. It was a way of coping with life out there. But the thought that she could be as casual about me brought me up short.

We arrived at the cabin, and Kathryn opened the door using the palm reader. "I'll program your palm print in shortly," she said. "But first, I need a cup of coffee!"

The cabin had obviously been stocked for our arrival. A quick inspection of the kitchen revealed enough groceries for a month, plus some cases of wine. I pulled a couple of bottles out to check the label. One was Chateau Picard, the other a bottle of Australian sparkling wine from the most prestigious vineyard in the Yarra Valley.

Kathryn appeared behind me as I inspected the larder. "I took you at your word; you're the cook. I hope you have everything you need."

I had everything I needed to cook. The rest I still wasn't sure about.

I put the water to boil on the old-fashioned gas stove, and followed Kathryn into the main area of the cabin. Slouchy couches ringed the room, all oriented forward to see out of the big picture window. The room had a shabby lived-in look, as if it had nurtured generations of Janeways--and it probably had. A slanting shelf on one wall held dozens of antique paperback books, and another held a more modern collection of PADDs. A crystal decanter sat on a low table, ringed with glasses, as if for pre-dinner drinks and conversation.

Kathryn smiled at me. "I've put your bag in the largest guest room. You have a view of the lake. I'm next door, in the master bedroom, but we have to share a bathroom."

I followed where she pointed and found myself in a small room dominated by a king-size bed. Obviously, the Janeways preferred to keep the majority of the space for communal living, and only allocated a minimum for sleeping. A door opened to a small bathroom with a water shower, and beyond that, I could see through another connecting door into a larger bedroom. Kathryn's bag was dumped on the bed.

The whistling kettle drew me back to the kitchen, and swiftly I made a pot of real coffee. Rustling around in the cupboard, I found some cookies, and I returned to the living room. Kathryn had changed into a pair of shorts. Her bare legs were tucked up underneath her on the couch, and her hair was in a ponytail. She looked absurdly young and very beautiful. I sat down opposite her.

She smiled at me, and my stomach twisted, and a kernel of desire, long suppressed where Kathryn was concerned, unfurled a little. I studied her, noting the long strands of auburn hair, her small, slim body, and slight breasts. So different from Seven's more obvious lushness. Somehow, in the last year of our journey, I'd stopped seeing Kathryn as a woman. It wasn't that I didn't find her attractive; I did. Oh how I did. It was simply that I'd ceased to notice. When she'd drawn back from the flirting game, I'd followed suit, and hence she'd morphed into my friend and the sexual edge we'd shared became muted and weak.

Kathryn tilted her head and gazed at me quizzically. I realized I was staring, and moved to pour the coffee. "This cabin is lovely. How long has it been in your family?"

"Nearly four hundred years. Very little of the original building remains, but we've tried to keep it authentic. A more modern kitchen, heating, plumbing, and the security entrance are the only updates."

"And no replicator!"

"Of course. And that's why you're here!"

I smiled. "I thought it was my scintillating company."

"There's no company I'd rather have." She fiddled with the mug in her hands. "Tell me, did Seven understand your coming here?"

Wise Kathryn. "You were right of course; she didn't comprehend the need. She asked me why I was remaining subservient to you."

"She doesn't understand the nuances of friendship, does she? But presumably you convinced her?"

"Not really. In fact..." I took a sip of coffee while I thought how best to word this. "Well, she suggested we part company."

"Oh? That seems a bit of an overreaction."

I sighed. "No, she decided to leave when I made it clear I didn't love her. She seemed to feel she and I were already in a committed relationship."

Kathryn's stillness was unnerving. It was as if she were waiting for something. "I thought you were," she said, in a low voice. "The admiral said-" Her mouth snapped shut, as if she'd said too much already.

I didn't want to hear what the admiral had said. If Seven and I were bonded in an alternate time line, well, that line had already changed.

I ran a hand through my hair. "She asked me out, we had half a dozen dates, a few kisses, caresses, nothing more. I'm not heartbroken, if that's what you're thinking."

I thought that Kathryn would press the issue, but her demeanor was serene. "I'm sure Seven will eventually find someone she's happy with. But I'm glad that..."

"Glad about what?" I asked.

Her expression became guarded. "Nothing."

She unfurled herself from the couch and went to stand by the picture window. "It's beautiful here. When we were on Voyager, and I was homesick, this is the view I'd remember. How peaceful it is. How damn real. Worth fighting our way home for."

I moved to stand by her left shoulder, and we stood together companionably, as we often had on Voyager. A frog shrilled somewhere out on the lake, and a small bird bobbed on the deck's railing. Kathryn gave a small sigh and turned slightly to face me. Her chin raised and she looked me in the eye for a few moments. Her lips were soft, inviting, and her pose was more open than normal. It was as if she wanted me to kiss her.

I was frozen in place. Here she was, the woman who had consumed my past for so long, and I couldn't move. Our kisses so far had been pecks of friendship. Except for New Earth. If I kissed her now, I wasn't sure what it would mean.

On New Earth, we'd kissed once; a lazy, exploring we-have-all-the-time-in-the-world sort of kiss. After it ended, we'd drawn back from each other and smiled. I'd touched her cheek, once, softly, and whispered, "Go to bed, Kathryn. I'll see you in the morning."

She'd ducked her head in acknowledgment of what we'd shared, and smiled back at me, her heart in her eyes. That night, I'd walked down to the river, and sat in the moonlight feeling utterly content. For Kathryn and I had finally reached the point of no return, and I knew with complete certainty that we'd be lovers before the next moonrise.

How wrong I was. Voyager had contacted us the next day, and the kiss we'd shared evaporated as if it never was.

I'd been wrong about a kiss before, I didn't want to make the same assumption again. So instead of giving in to the temptation of the moment, I took a step away. "It's been a long day, Kathryn. I think I'll go to bed."

Her chin rose slightly, and I realized she thought I was rejecting her. I squeezed her hand, and leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Sleep well."

I left before I could change my mind.

*

Lying in bed, I tried to reconcile my actions over the past months. If I loved Kathryn - truly loved her - would I have accepted Seven's invitation for a date? Would I have kissed Seven, held her pale hand? I found I couldn't answer for my actions. But when I thought about Kathryn I knew that I did love her still, with the heatedness of a man who wants to make a woman his own, to lie with her, bury himself inside her. I'd never done that with Seven. Our tentative caresses had been disjointed, as if my heart weren't in it.

And it hadn't been.

I loved Kathryn and I wanted her. Not for a day, nor a weekend, but for the rest of our lives. I just had to convince her.

We spent the next day walking on the hiking trails around the lake, and I spent the time studying Kathryn. I catalogued her gestures, her quick laugh, her determined stride. Was she studying me covertly as I did her? If she was, she hid it well; I still couldn't read her intent in asking me here.

I caught up to her and took her hand, swinging our clasped fingers between us. The breeze lifted her hair and blew it across her face, and she laughed, gathering it up with her free hand. Some strands covered her eyes and she stumbled on the rough path. I caught her around the waist, swinging her up when she would have fallen.

"Dear Chakotay," she said, and her eyes echoed her smile. "Always there to catch me."

My hands reluctantly left her body. "I have to keep you alive to poison you with my cooking later."

"You won't do that. I still remember the meals you made on New Earth."

"I remember more than the food," I told her softly.

Her eyes were far away. "So do I."

*

I cooked, she opened the wine, and we ate on the deck overlooking the lake. When the first bottle was empty, she went to get another. Not the Chateau Picard, but still a good drop. When we'd finished eating, we took our wine and sat on the edge of the boat dock, swinging our legs over the water like kids.

Kathryn lay back on the sun-warmed wood, her arms over her head. She smiled up at me. "I could stay here forever."

"You look beautiful," I told her, and before I could second-guess myself, I leaned in to kiss her.

Our lips clung, moist from the humidity and our passion. I kissed her softly, supporting my weight away from her body, until she reached up with both hands and wrapped them around my shoulders. Then we were rolling together, reaching for one another, the decking warm beneath our bodies, gasping into each other's mouths.

My heart pounded as if I were standing in front of a Starfleet tribunal. All I wanted was to seize the opportunity, let her know what she meant to me, and then make her mine. I lifted my head and Kathryn gazed up at me, her eyes wide and warm. I needed more than kisses. With trembling hands, I started to fumble with the buttons down the front of her shirt.

"Wait."

Surely not. A tiny flare of anger; I was tired of games. But Kathryn was looking at me with a naked pleading in her eyes that made me hesitate. I moved back, enough that she could sit up.

One hand clutched her shirt together, and she met my eyes squarely. I took a deep breath, trying to control myself, and she noticed. How could she not?

"Chakotay, there's something I want you to know. And then, I guess I'll need to know something too."

I waited. I hoped she wasn't going to tell me about her Delta Quadrant lovers. They were meaningless, just as mine had been, and I didn't think any less of her for taking comfort where she could. She was obviously nervous about something. Her eyes darted around my body, before settling on a point near my chin, and she took a deep breath.

"Do you remember New Earth? No," she corrected herself immediately. "Of course you do. But do you remember when we kissed?"

"I've never forgotten it for a moment," I replied. "It's the only kiss we had. We should've had more, Kathryn."

Her eyes seemed unable to rise above my chin, but she lifted her head proudly. "When I left you that night, my mind was made up. Even if you didn't create a moment like that again, I was going to come to your bed the next night."

I'd known that. What Kathryn and I had shared in that kiss was a moment of understanding. We would be lovers.

"I was going to come to yours." My fingers found her chin, and I raised it so that she met my eyes. "I loved you, Kathryn. If Voyager hadn't returned the next day…"

Her eyes were sad. "I cursed Tuvok. If only he'd waited another day… But he didn't, and I had to make the best of it. I'm sorry… I forced the decision on you." She drew a deep, shuddering breath. "But, after that kiss when I knew.. when I thought we would be lovers, I wanted to offer you something. Some commitment. Remember, we thought we'd be there for the rest of our lives."

Her words drew me back to the cabin we'd shared on New Earth. It had been home, and I'd wanted no other. The two of us, bonded for life, partners, lovers. I'd cried over our loss many times since Voyager returned for us, but even now, five years later, the memory of it socked me in the gut.

"I went out the next morning," Kathryn continued. "It was early, before you woke. There was a light mist, and the air was chill. I took a surgical tricorder and a dermal regenerator. I'm sorry, Chakotay. It was presumptuous of me, but I wanted to give you something that would show how much you meant to me."

My brow furrowed. What exactly was she talking about? A dozen scenarios rolled through my head, but then Kathryn lifted her gaze and finally met my eyes. Without breaking the look, she slipped the buttons of her shirt and pushed it off her shoulders.

She wore no bra. Her white breasts were in front of me; silky smooth and perfect. But my eyes went to the mark beside her left breast. A tattoo. My tattoo. It flared over her white skin like a bird's wing, the dark ink standing out in vivid contrast. The markings started on her breast bone and curved down to the upper swell of her breast. My mark on my woman.

I reached out with both hands and cupped her breasts, stroking my thumbs lightly over her nipples. Then, I bent and traced the outline of her tattoo with my mouth. A kiss on each intersection of lines, a sweep of my tongue along each curve. When I returned to her lips, she sighed into my mouth, and the tension melted away from her body.

"I'm so sorry."

I kissed her gently, tracing her lips with my tongue. "No one has ever given me such a gift," I told her. "No one."

Her eyes shimmered. "I wanted to tell you when we returned to Voyager, but I felt it would be a reminder of all we had lost, so I kept quiet. Only the doctor knew, and I threatened to demote him to nursing aide if he ever mentioned it."

She'd carried my mark over her heart all those years and I'd never known. She would have seen it in the mirror most mornings, been reminded of what she - what we -had lost. Every medical, when no doubt the Doc would have caustically offered to remove it for her, she'd have declined, and my tattoo stayed with her.

I wished I'd known, but then I changed my mind. Had I known, nothing, but nothing would have stopped me from claiming her. My "inner caveman" would have been unleashed. And it could have broken us. But now the time was right.

"I love you," I said, and once the words were spoken they took on a life of their own, a shining glorious life, enfolding us in their meaning.

She sighed softly and her breath feathered over my skin. "That was the other thing I wanted to ask you." Her hands stroked over my tattoo. "I want you, Chakotay. I've always wanted you. I want your body over mine, I want you inside me, so deep I can't tell where I end and you begin. But I'm not sure I can do this if you're going to walk away and go back to Seven."

"There's no chance of that. If she hadn't ended it, I would have."

"I want to make love with you. But if you've any doubts about it, if you don't see us together after this, then I'm asking you to walk away now. I don't think I could stand it otherwise."

She'd echoed my own doubts almost word for word. Once again, Kathryn Janeway had reached into my chest, grabbed my heart in her clenched fist and squeezed tight, holding me in her iron grip.

Gently, I pulled her shirt back over her shoulders, refastening the buttons one by one. Her tattoo - my tattoo - was once again hidden from the world. But I knew it was there.

Her eyes reflected her confusion at my actions.

Standing, I held out a hand to her, and pulled her to her feet. I pressed a kiss to her brow. "B'Elanna told me I needed to sort out what I wanted from you. There's no decision to make; I wouldn't leave your side now if I were offered the Federation Presidency."

She chuckled. "That's not much of a compliment! But our B'Elanna is a wise woman all the same."

My hand linked with hers, our fingers entwining. My other hand settled on her hip, and I pulled her toward me, delighting in how her body softened and molded to mine. We kissed again, and this time there was no restraint on either side. We kissed, and our bodies started the dance: a sway of hip, a glissade of fingers, skin to skin, a touch, a word, and all the love in the world.

All the love, but suddenly, the urgency was there and all the time coalesced into now. I broke the kiss and tugged her firmly along the boat dock. My heart - and other parts of me - were thrumming with the need to finally complete what we started all those years ago. I walked faster, and Kathryn had to jog to keep up with me.

"Where's the fire?" she asked in amused tones.

I stopped so abruptly that she collided with me. "Right here," I said, and I kissed her again, urgently, my tongue sweeping into her mouth.

Kathryn kissed me back just as hotly, and her hands gripped my shoulders so tightly I knew I'd have marks. My hands roamed her body learning how she felt under my fingers. The freedom to touch her was intoxicating, and suddenly I knew the cabin with its big beds was too far away. There were no other cabins in sight. I maneuvered her two paces off the path to where the grass grew long and green. My fingers found the buttons at the front of her shirt, and I undid the first two, and then when my fumbling was too slow, tugged fiercely.

My hands palmed her bare breasts, the tattoo's dark ink winging high above my fingers.

"Oh," said Kathryn faintly, "Surely not here?"

"Here," I repeated. "Now." I pressed my lips to her mark, trailing down her yielding skin to where her nipple peaked between my fingers. Dropping to my knees, my mouth moved down, over her white skin, down to the waist of her hiking shorts. I had to taste her.

Her fingers bit tightly into my shoulder, and she gasped again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered at her passivity - my fantasies had never included a limp, accepting Kathryn. I had thought she would be bold and aggressive, scorching then tender, giving and receiving in equal measure. But the white heat in my head didn't let me dwell on it for too long. And maybe too, my assertiveness was momentarily overwhelming.

Show her your inner caveman. B'Elanna's words now seemed prophetic.

But I was sure that even if this was too fast, she would soon regain her equilibrium. I jerked down her shorts and panties in one movement, and pushed open her thighs, pressing my mouth firmly to her sex. Her shorts caught around her ankles and the material gave underneath the strain. Kathryn's arousal coiled out through the humid air to greet me, musky and all female.

I gripped her buttocks to press her onto my face. My tongue lapped up, parting the sodden curls, up to where the silken wet flesh began. If I were too fast now, she didn't seem to mind. Kathryn fisted my hair in both hands, directing me with none too gentle tugs. My nose was buried in her coarse curls and her moisture mixed with my saliva and ran down my chin. Glancing up, I saw her, her body arched back, one hand on a sapling for support. Her hair was damp with sweat, and partially covered her face, but then she tossed her head and her flushed face was revealed, staring down at me through slitted eyes.

Her clit swelled under my mouth, and her thighs tightened as her climax grew. I had to be inside her when she came, but my cock was still confined behind my clothes, achingly hard and erect,. Instead, I pushed two fingers up inside her and her inner muscles gripped me tighter than a docking clamp.

Kathryn swayed, and I saw her grip the sapling tightly. "I can't… wait…" she gasped, and her belly was rigid with the effort of holding back. Her fingers tightened almost painfully on my hair.

I flicked her a glance with my eyes and redoubled my efforts. My tongue ached, but I barely noticed it, my senses were so full of Kathryn. And then, finally, she came with a keening wail and a rush of pungent moisture filled my mouth. Her inner walls spasmed around my fingers in tiny flutters. Spirits, what would that feel like around my cock?

Slowly her fingers eased their stranglehold on my hair. My scalp burned from her grip. I gentled her with my mouth, soothing around with soft kisses, taking my clues from her involuntary flinches as to where was too sensitive to touch.

Her eyes opened fully, and she stepped away from me, kicking aside the torn shorts and panties. I raised up enough to undo my pants, and push my own shorts and briefs down so that my cock bobbed free.

"Oh," said Kathryn faintly, again, and her eyes roamed over my body, licking over my groin. I hardened even more underneath her gaze.

She moved closer again, placing one booted foot on either side of my thighs.

"I want…" And she leaned down and took my lips in a kiss so ferocious I felt I was being devoured.

"You…" Holding my shoulders she lowered herself slowly over me.

"Inside me." And directed my cock to her entrance with soft fingers, then sank down.

One thrust was all it took. She was so wet and relaxed that there was no resistance. My cock slid up to the hilt in one easy movement. She gripped my shoulders and suddenly, the passive Kathryn of before was gone, and in her place was a wild, abandoned woman who rode me fiercely and without restraint. Her bottom slammed repeatedly onto my lap, and her moisture coated my shaft and ran down stickily onto my thighs.

I managed to meet a few of her movements before I knew I'd lost it. All that had gone before - her kisses, her body, her love - sent me tumbling over the edge. And when she reached down and grasped my waist in an iron grip, and kissed me urgently, I was lost. One, two, three more thrusts, and I was coming, so hard that I saw the Delta Quadrant stars once more. I shot deep inside her, so that our fluids mingled.

Her weight rested heavily on my lap, and her head came down to lay on my shoulder.

"If I'd known," she said, into the curve of my neck, "that it would be like that, it would have taken a photon torpedo to stop me from coming to you."

Once more, my lips found the curve of her tattoo. Her heartbeat's rapid rhythm pulsed through the lines. "My woman," I said, and a peace like nothing I'd known before seeped into my soul. "Mine."

"Yours."

(((FIN)))

Feedback? Please. Shayenne

© Shayenne, September 2006 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.