Disclaimer: See part 1
Rated NC-17
Over the ensuing months, Kathryn clocked up many miles crisscrossing the Alpha Quadrant. She traveled alone, mainly on passenger freighters, occasionally picking up a Federation vessel to more easily reach some of the more far-flung colonies where her crew had settled. Her clothes were as inconspicuous as possible. She eschewed her uniform--indeed, on an indefinite leave of absence she wasn't sure she was entitled to wear it--dressing instead, in plain, simple clothes. Even so, she attracted attention, and sometimes was recognized as the famous Captain Janeway.
Had she been so inclined, she could have easily found a companion and a lover. She had her share of offers--some immensely flattering, others merely laughable--from men and women, wanderers like her. A couple of times she tried to talk herself into accepting. To take another's body in love, to grant herself the pleasure of sex and physical release, but always, as she twirled the ice in her glass and flirted gently, Chakotay's face would drift before her eyes, and her half-interest in another would wither like Boothby's rose petals.
One by one, she sought out the members of her crew, hearing their stories, sometimes assisting them with a decision on which posting to accept. She put in a word in for some, a reference for others. She babysat their children, wined and dined them, visited the highlights of their planets in their company. Sometimes, Chakotay's name would arise in the conversation, and while the shaft of pain did not diminish, she found she was able to anticipate it, and with time, it became less intense, less of a direct hit to the heart.
In the rebuilt cities of Bajor, Tal Celes talked to her of love, wishing aloud that she had had the courage to approach Harry Kim when they were on Voyager. Gently, Kathryn encouraged her to contact Harry. It couldn't hurt, and Celes' sweet and unassuming nature could be good for Harry. She forced down her own pain, as she told Celes to follow her heart, silently berating herself for all those years when she had refused to heed her own advice.
On the hot sands of Vulcan, Tuvok talked to her of duty. Kathryn had always been able to confide in Tuvok, finding that his clear head and logical manner often aided her own decisions. But this time, Tuvok's advice sat uncomfortably on her shoulders. Take the promotion, he said, for it is a sound and logical choice, and one that is well earned. Kathryn thanked him, but left, knowing that this advice would be ignored.
In the arid dry heat of Corlea Prime, Kathryn coached young Gerron for his Starfleet entrance exams. The man was knowledge-hungry and seemed to swallow his lessons whole. His parents watched in bemusement, as the angry son they thought they had lost to the Maquis turned into a scholar overnight. Kathryn vowed to return to celebrate when he was successful.
On a rare trip to Earth, when her heart was sufficiently shored up to stand the inevitable memories, Kathryn visited Tom and B'Elanna. The three of them laughed and joked into the night, and Kathryn was able to deftly turn the conversation every time Chakotay or Seven was mentioned. Tom saw through her brittle facade, she sensed, but he was considerate enough not to mention it.
On a dusty far flung colony, that went by the name of Terraform XXII, as it was considered too insignificant to merit a proper name, she labored alongside Marla Gilmore while she served as a medical technician for the colony, isolating strains of bacteria and treating the sick with inadequate medications. Then, she donned light clothing for a visit to the humid and stifling planetoid of Corrol to see Billy Telfer, happily serving as Starfleet liaison for the fledgling colony.
And in between there were the those who had returned to active duty: Sam Wildman, Vorik, Stark, Tuttle, Kiely, Weinert, and others. She saw them on patrol, at DS9, and on the varied Federation ships that worked around the quadrant. Many of them were on routine missions; few of Voyager's crew had been immediately returned to duty in the more volatile areas of the quadrant, but even so, some had requested an immediate transfer to the uneasy truce on the edge of Cardassian space. Kathryn spent an uncomfortable two nights on a battle cruiser patrolling the edge of the unrest, as she watched Kiely fight tirelessly for justice and equality.
Even on Federation ships, she maintained a civilian status. Her rank and fame were normally enough to get her onboard, but once there, she took no part in Federation matters, even when there was a direct request for her to get involved. Kathryn was testing the possibilities of civilian life, and liking what she saw.
Maybe, she wondered, when she had succeeded in her goal to visit all her former crew, she could return in a science capacity to aid Marla Gilmore. Or revisit the captain of a research vessel on which she'd hitched a ride, and offer her services - her scientific services, although the captain had been one of her more determined would-be lovers. Certainly, this trip had taught her one thing - that there was a life for her beyond Starfleet. Now, all she had to do was seize the possibilities.
***
Seven months, and many diversions, later, she was reaching the end of her list. She saw Ensign Downey at DS5, where he was assigned to the medical team, and passed a relaxing day enjoying the pleasures of the station.
Three of the Maquis had consistently eluded her; she spent a couple of hours on DS5 calling on her contacts, and pulling the rank she no longer thought of as her own, to find out the whereabouts of Mike Ayala, Mariah Henley, and Ken Dalby. It seemed the three of them were traveling together, constantly on the move, hopping around the quadrant. She was able to pinpoint their last position at a far-flung colony near Dorvan Five - Chakotay's home world.
Chakotay. During the preceding seven months, Kathryn had all but convinced herself that her heart was on the mend, so much so that, at the end of her journey, her final call would be to Chakotay and Seven, to wish them well. She had deliberately not inquired about their whereabouts, preferring not to know. The last she had heard about them was when Crewman Tuttle had happened to mention that she had seen Chakotay on Earth, at the ancient university of Oxford. Rappereehill Colony was too close to Dorvan Five for comfort, but hopefully, she would manage to meet Ayala and his friends there.
Kathryn was lucky, and was able to secure a berth on a mining freighter heading for Rappereehill. The ship was small and basic, and there was little to do except eat and sleep for the three days of the journey. She spent much of the time staring out the window at the slow-moving stars. These were Chakotay's stars, the ones he grew up with, the ones that had beckoned to him, leading him to Starfleet, and a wanderlust life. She almost cried out as a wave of misery hit her, the intensity of which she had thought long gone. The absence of him in her life was a constant ache, it receded sometimes, but never did it disappear. She finally accepted that she had been fooling herself; the need and want for him was still there, as strong as ever.
She curled up on the narrow bunk and rested her cheek on her hand. All this time and she still loved him. The pain of knowing he was out of her reach--living and loving with Seven--surfaced again, so fiercely that she shuddered. Who was it who had said that time heals all things? Kathryn smiled wryly to herself; it seemed that simply wasn't so in her case.
Giving into the emotions, she lay back on her bunk. He wasn't hers, and he never would be. She simply had to accept that, and move on, however hard she found it. She blinked back the foolish tears that threatened; she would not cry over this like a lovelorn teenager. She was a strong and capable woman, hadn't she proved that over and over? For the seven years, he had been by her side; her friend, confidante, officer - never her lover. She could learn to live without him. But... And the insidious thought wouldn't be silenced. If only she had said something to him on Voyager, anything to indicate how she felt. But the bonds of protocol were strong, and she had clung to them as they represented a final tie with Starfleet and with Earth.
Now, she looked back at her rigid self and wondered why it had seemed important. These days, Starfleet was more relaxed in such matters. True, relationships between the captain and first officer were still considered undesirable, but on deep space missions Starfleet was more forgiving. She thought of Will Riker, now married to Deanna Troi and serving on the same ship. Jean Luc Picard had had a couple of relationships with those serving underneath him; why had it been so difficult for her to even consider?
Well, it didn't matter now. That was water under the bridge, and she would never be able to tell him how she felt. Maybe, she thought sadly, one day, when they were two old friends in front of the fire, she could tell him, and they would chuckle fondly about her foolishness, before clasping hands and staring into the fire in quiet companionship. Maybe then it would cease to tear her apart.
Kathryn turned her face to the wall, so that she couldn't see Chakotay's stars, and tried to sleep.
***
She arrived at Rappereehill to find that Ayala, Dalby, and Henley had left two days prior. By making a few discreet inquiries, she was able to ascertain that they were heading for Dorvan Five. Kathryn closed her eyes for a brief second, fighting for composure. It seemed she was going to Chakotay's home world, whether she liked it or not. Rappereehill seemed to offer little in the way of distraction--it was a small and tired looking mining camp--so she immediately inquired as to the next transport away from it.
Her luck was in. She was told that the ship she had been traveling on for the last three days-- the Cloondara--was headed for Dorvan Five, and would arrive there in two days. As there wouldn't be another transport for nearly ten days after that, Kathryn hurried to book her passage. She had two days to shore up her defenses before she set foot on Chakotay's planet. At least he wouldn't be there.
The Cloondara's sonic showers failed just a couple of hours out of Rappereehill, and then the main water tanks were found to be unusable - the mining colony's water, where they had refilled their tanks, was polluted. Kathryn cursed when she was informed she couldn't shower, but chalked it up to yet more vagaries of space travel. Consequently, she arrived at Dorvan Five dusty, dirty, and looking forward to a hot bath. She only hoped that the recently rebuilt colony could offer such things.
The space terminal was small, poorly constructed and overcrowded. Hefting her small bag over one shoulder, she started for the door, intent on finding a room with at least a shower, preferably a bath, before trying to locate Ayala. She hadn't taken more than a dozen paces, when a familiar figure stopped her in her tracks. His back was toward her, but she froze, her heart slamming in her chest. Chakotay. She would know his stance and broad shoulders anywhere. But he wasn't supposed to be here, he was on Earth, and oh god, what was she going to do now?
She looked around for Seven, but her proud, disdainful figure was nowhere in sight. Kathryn turned, awkwardly, preparing to duck away. She needed time to compose herself. Obviously, it was inevitable she would see him on Dorvan, but at least she would have time to regroup. But, as she prepared to move, Chakotay turned. He appeared to be searching for someone; his gaze swept the crowd, passing over her without hesitating. But, as she stood frozen, his eyes snapped back and he saw her.
Kathryn could only stand and watch helplessly as he approached her. Her throat was frozen in a rictus of shock, and the wash of emotions that had overcome her the other night threatened to swamp her again. It was too soon. She couldn't talk to him now, not with any semblance of normality, she couldn't inquire about Seven, or visit their house. She looked around frantically, wondering if she could slip away, pretending she hadn't seen him.
"Kathryn?" His voice was the same as she remembered. Warm, low, even tones that could soothe and calm so easily. Now they sounded quizzical. "What are you doing here?"
His hands reached for her bag, taking it from her shoulder and swinging it over his. Even now, he looked out for her welfare.
She felt sick with the pounding of her heart. Surely if it continued to skitter about like a rabbit she would choke on it.
"Chakotay." Her voice sounded tremulous in her ears and Kathryn called on all her captain's training to remain calm. She had faced down the Borg; Chakotay should be easy. "I didn't expect to see you here; I thought you were on Earth."
Surely, she was imagining the shutters that came over his face at her words. She continued, "I'm looking for Ayala, Dalby, and Henley. I've been trailing them for a while..."
Chakotay's face creased into a warm smile. "Well, I can set your mind at ease. They're all here, with me. They've come to join me."
She stared in bemusement. "Join you? Doing what?"
"Helping to rebuild the colony here. Once, Dorvan was a wonderful, peaceful place. Before the Cardassians came." He looked directly at her. "Before Starfleet's intervention. With the help of people like Mike, Ken, and Mariah, it can be again."
Kathryn nodded slowly; it made sense.
"...Why do you want to find them?" Chakotay was saying.
Briefly, she told him about her mission to track down all the members of her crew, and check on their wellbeing.
Chakotay's eyes searched her face. "What about Starfleet? I'm sure they didn't let you go without a fight. I expected to hear you'd been promoted."
"I was. I turned it down nearly eight months ago. When Admiral Paris handed me those pips, it should have been the culmination of my Starfleet dreams... but suddenly it felt empty." Her eyes drifted away from him, over the heads of the travelers in the crowded spaceport and out to the stars. "Suddenly it was all so pointless. So I took an indefinite leave of absence, and left to find my crew."
"And will you return?" Strong words, softly spoken.
"I don't know. And that's the truth." Deliberately, she lightened the mood. " But right now, the thing I want most is a bath. The sonic showers broke on the Cloondara, and they were on water rationing. I feel sticky."
He laughed at her disgusted expression, and accepted the change of subject without comment. "Do you have someplace to stay?"
"I've just arrived. I'm sure I'll find somewhere..."
"Stay with me." His tone brooked no argument, and he grinned down at her, as he settled her bag more comfortably on his shoulder. His strong tawny arms rippled underneath the short sleeved shirt he was wearing, and she swallowed hard. Civilian life must be good for him, if his appearance was anything to go by. Or Seven was. The bubbling well of happiness that had sprung into life at their camaraderie evaporated abruptly. How could she have forgotten?
"No. It's fine. I don't want to put you out at all. I'm sure there's a room available, and I don't expect to be here very long..." She was stammering in her haste to escape.
"Kathryn." Reaching down, he clasped her hand with his free one. "Don't argue. Of course, you'll stay with me. I couldn't let my best friend stay in a hotel, could I? Besides, it hasn't been rebuilt yet. Just let me leave a message for my cousin - I was supposed to meet him here, but it looks like he missed the connection."
She didn't waste her breath trying to argue, but simply followed him out of the terminal. As they walked out of the town, she looked around, curious to see how the settlement was thriving. Everywhere there were empty spaces, like missing teeth, in the neat rows of houses. Elsewhere, the more traditional dwellings of Chakotay's people stood empty and abandoned. A few stores were trading, but the goods in their windows seemed sparse and of poor quality.
"It's not much now compared to what it was." Chakotay's quiet words reached her. "But it will be. Given the determination of people like Mike, Dorvan will be rebuilt." He pointed to a house, set high up on a cliff at the edge of town. "That's my place."
She studied the building, a low adobe house, which blended into the ochre and red cliffs. "It doesn't look very big," she said doubtfully. "Are you sure there's room for me, with you and Seven? Are Mike and the others staying there as well?"
Chakotay stopped walking, and turned to face her. "There are no others," he said quietly. "It will just be you and me. Mike, Ken, and Mariah share a house in the village."
She had to ask. "And Seven?"
"We split up months ago," he said, "shortly after we returned to the Alpha Quadrant. It didn't work out."
She thought he would say more. There seemed to be a wealth of unspoken meanings in the silence between his words, but he paused and appeared to change what he was about to say.
"I thought you knew?" he said.
"No. I didn't." And a small tendril of hope unfurled in her breast.
Chakotay's house was small, but neat and comfortable. He put her bag in a bedroom, a spare bedroom she noticed, judging by its impersonal air, and showed her the bathroom.
"I'm sorry, I don't have a bath, but I imagine you'd like a shower. I'll leave you to it. I'll put the coffee on."
Twenty minutes later, she arrived onto the porch, clean and refreshed. Chakotay was lounging on the verandah, head tilted back to catch the last rays of sunlight that streamed in. Two cups of coffee steamed gently on the table in front of him.
Kathryn sat, and copied Chakotay, propping her feet on the rail. The evening was a warm one, and the low sunlight slanted gently into the verandah, bathing him with its rays. He turned to her, reaching for her hand, a gesture of friendship. The tendril of hope unfurled a little more.
"So tell me what you've been doing here," she began. "Are there many settlers? What are Mike and the others doing? Do they plan on settling here permanently?"
He laughed softly at her eager questions. "That's my Kathryn," he said. "Put a coffee in her hand, but she's still not happy until her questions are answered."
One question she should ask him loomed in her mind, but she pushed it to one side. "So tell me," she demanded.
For the next couple of hours, they talked and laughed, draining a whole pot of coffee between them. Chakotay told her about the rebuilding of Dorvan. How gradually, his people were returning from the scattered places they had fled to. How others, like Mike, were coming in, tempted by the challenge, the chance to do something positive, and the chance to gain land and holdings of their own. In return, Kathryn told him about her travels, seeking out Voyager's crew, and how they were doing.
The evening drifted on, the long purple twilight gradually fading to dark. A peace she hadn't known in a long time stole over Kathryn, a comfortable feeling of coming home. This was what she had expected to find in Indiana, this was the intangible missing element from her homecoming. She turned to the man next to her and reached out a hand. He took it, entwining her fingers tightly with his own.
"Thank you for letting me stay," she said simply. "I've missed you."
His fingers tightened in hers for a brief moment. "I've missed you too, Kathryn," he said.
They sat for long moments more, and then Chakotay released her hand. "Nice as this is, my stomach tells me it's time I did something about dinner." He disappeared inside the house.
She sat a while longer, letting the peaceful feeling envelop her. She would tell him how she felt. The previous peripatetic months, culminating in seeing him once more, had consolidated her feelings. If he weren't interested - well, then she would know. But with Seven gone and Starfleet faded to unimportance in her life, there was finally, nothing to stop her. Second chances didn't come around too often--as a captain she knew that only too well --so she would seize this one with both hands.
Before she could lose her nerve, she rose and went into the house. Chakotay was setting the table with bright crockery. Something fragrant simmered on the stove.
"Perfect timing," he said. "Dinner's ready."
Her declaration would have to wait. She sat at the table and ate his hearty soup without tasting it.
Later, as they sat out on the verandah again, the conversation drew to a gradual close. She watched Chakotay watching the stars, his face content.
He must have sensed her gaze, as he smiled, then rose. "I should let you get to bed," he said. "It's been a long day."
Catching his hand, she pulled him back down next to her on the bench. "There's something I need to say first," she said.
His silence seemed to suggest that he was wondering what bomb she was about to drop now. His hand still rested in hers from where she had pulled him down. The fact that he hadn't removed it, gave her courage.
"I've often wished that I'd had the courage to say this before," she began. "But in the Delta Quadrant there were constraints, and the time was never right. And maybe even if it had been, I couldn't bring myself to overstep certain boundaries."
His fingers tightened, in encouragement, anticipation, or wariness, she didn't know.
"There were many times I should have said this, but when it was finally possible, it was too late, we were home, and you were living with Seven. I'm not sure that you want to hear it now, but I can't let it go unsaid any longer." She took a deep breath, and continued, "For most of our time in the Delta Quadrant, I had feelings for you that ran deeper than simply friendship. I loved you then, Chakotay, but rightly or wrongly, I never told you.
"Since we've been home, I've been trying to accept that you were with Seven, and trying to convince myself that I was happy for you. And if you were still with her, I wouldn't be saying this now."
He was silent, his eyes on her face, and his hand clasping hers so tightly that she could feel the bones rubbing together.
"I've been happier today than any time during the last few months. I've been searching out our crew to see how they are, see if there's anything I can help with, a last act as their captain, if you like. And I feel I've made some friends, helped some people and gained a lot of personal satisfaction from it. But still it wasn't enough. Seeing you again today..." She hesitated, looked down at their joined hands. "I realized I still love you, that much as I willed it to, it didn't just go away. You can't turn love off, Chakotay. I know, I've tried. But I have to know how you feel. I think you loved me once, but now... I'm not sure."
She waited for his answer, staring down at their clasped hands. The courage to look in his face and read his expression eluded her, but as the silence stretched, she needed to know. However, his head was bowed. So, it wasn't to be. Surely, if he felt something for her, after all this time, he would have spoken by now. She looked down again, trying to summon the willpower to remove her hand from his warm grasp, make her excuses and leave his life.
Her heart lay heavy in her chest. Once again, her dreams had faded to dust, but this was worse than the disappointment of Indiana, worse than seeing friendships fade. This was the final loss of the other half of her soul. She tried to wrench her hand free, but he held tight.
"Kathryn, look at me." His gentle words permeated the gray fog that lay over her like a blanket. "Look at me, love."
Surely, that wasn't a tear he was wiping from her cheek with his thumb? But his fingers turned her chin, forcing her to look at him, and his thumb brushed damply over her cheek. And his smile. Chakotay's expression was open, as unguarded as she'd ever seen it. He was smiling, and the depths of feeling in his eyes shook her to the core.
"Kathryn," he said. "My love."
And with those words, she believed, and dared to hope again. She waited, knowing there was more, but her hand trembled in his grasp, happiness welling up, threatening to spill out and overflow. She knew she was smiling too, a wide, inane grin that must make her look ridiculous, but she didn't care, because, against all the odds, it seemed that Chakotay still cared.
"I have my own memories too," he said softly. "I remember a beautiful woman warrior, whom I tried to woo on a deserted planet. But maybe I was too tentative, maybe I didn't make myself clear enough to her, for she never took my heart that I laid out for her. And I continued to love her, even though I knew she couldn't openly return my feelings. I continued to hope. When Mark's letter came in the datastream, then I hoped she might be able to love me. I was so close to asking her to let me in, but Neelix interrupted, and the moment was lost.
"There were other times like that, too. Times when the words were there, fighting to be spoken, but something always held me back. I didn't think you would welcome them, but like you, I couldn't let go. However, I convinced myself that you cared for me, and that it was only a matter of time.
"And then, in the final year of our journey, I thought you had changed. You didn't have as much time for me anymore. You were harder, colder, more driven. And that's when Seven came to me and asked me on a date."
He was silent, perhaps remembering for a moment, before he continued. "It's very flattering to be pursued. Especially when you know that half the ship would have given their eyeteeth to be in your position. Seven was..." He paused, obviously seeking the tactful word. "Seven was beautiful, intelligent," a wry twist of his mouth, "and available. And she made no secret of her interest in me. I tried to fall in love with her, and to a large extent, I succeeded. I was happy, but it was a superficial happiness at best. And then, back on Earth, she told me--very gently for Seven--that she felt she needed to explore her options, and that I was looking for something that she couldn't offer.
"I was upset, but some part of me was relieved as well. I already knew that what I was feeling wasn't love, it was infatuation, balm to my ego. Maybe it would have turned into love, given time, I don't know. But the night that Seven left me--she's on Vulcan now, heading a research team--I sat on this verandah, and the only coherent thought in my head was that now I was free to pursue you, to woo you as I'd always wanted.
"I went to Earth, intent on finding you, but you had gone, and no one seemed to know where. So I did a short lecture tour around the ancient universities and returned to Dorvan. The planet needed me, even if you didn't. The work here..." His eyes glowed with enthusiasm. "This is my place in the universe, this is where I can make a difference."
She wanted to cradle his dear, dark head to her breast and rock together with him, rock away the years of misunderstanding and pain.
He continued, "Some nights, I found myself sitting on this verandah, watching the stars and wondering where you were. I'd alternate between wanting to jump up and not rest until I found you, and had a chance to ask you if you felt anything for me, and wanting to crawl away, bury myself in the reconstruction of Dorvan until you were forgotten. I still love you, Kathryn. How can I not?"
He cupped her cheek with his palm, and she leaned into it. "And here we are."
She covered his hand with her own. "Chakotay, do you believe in second chances?"
"I do," he said, "and for us, the fates seem to have decreed it, so I think it must be so."
He stood, and pulled her up alongside him. His gentle fingers trailed across her lips. "Now what happens?" he asked, and the glow in his eyes left her in no doubt as to what he expected.
She swayed closer, his nearness intoxicating. "I think we kiss," she whispered.
His hand dropped to her shoulder and inched down her back to her hip. Slowly, he tugged her closer, and their bodies met and melded, a slow coming together, thigh, hip, chest. Kathryn reached an arm around his neck, pulling his lips down to hers. So right to finally stand like this with him, with no awkwardness; the translation from loving friends to lovers would be an easy one.
"I've wanted to do this for so long," he murmured, and closed the distance between their lips, gently brushing over hers, pressing nibbling kisses on the corner of her mouth, before slanting his mouth over hers in possession.
She opened her mouth underneath his onslaught, and let his tongue entangle with hers, wet, heated and demanding, a sensual dance that left her reeling. His taste was intoxicating, and she ran her hand over the back of his neck, curving it up into his thick hair to hold him in position. Already she could feel him hardening against her, and she felt the answering liquid pulse in her own sex. It was as if they were already lovers; she knew what to expect from him, knew how he would love her, and she undulated her hips, feeling him harden even further.
Chakotay dropped his head so that his lips could nuzzle her ear and neck, small nibbling kisses that pushed her further along the liquid line to completion.
"Kathryn," he said hoarsely, his breath hot against her skin. "This isn't enough, is it?"
She understood his meaning. A kiss for the promise, but the vow wouldn't be made until they were lovers. And she wanted him, wanted him to take her body, imprint it with his own, push his way inside her, so that she could enclose him, cradle him within. Take his body inside her own, much as she now accepted his heart.
"No," she said. "It's not enough."
"I don't want to rush you," he murmured, even as his hips pushed into hers.
She inched a hand around his hip to cradle his buttock and pull him into her spread thighs. He pulsed against her, leaving her in no doubt how complete the possession would be. "I think we've waited long enough."
Taking her hand, he led her through the darkened house to a large room at the side. The curtains were open, letting the starlight fill the room. A large bed was by the window.
"I never slept here with Seven." His quiet words made her smile. Seven was irrelevant now, just another ex-lover that was in his past.
"It doesn't matter," she said. "She's just a memory." And she reached up to claim his lips once more.
With the decision made, it was as if there was no hurry. The urge to rush to completion muted, and she lazily explored his mouth, seeking moist hidden places with her tongue. Her hand ran down and pushed under the collar of his shirt, tracing the jutting collarbones, exploring the back of an ear, his cheekbone, his eyelids.
His hand slid over her arm, tracing the fine veins in her wrist, feather-light touch on the soft skin. He skated up again, creeping around to stroke the outside of her breast.
Shifting slightly to give him access, she closed her eyes in delight as he cupped its weight, his thumb unerringly finding her nipple, stroking it into a turgid peak through her clothes. It wasn't enough, so she moved away from his seeking mouth, and pulled at his shirt.
"Please, let me see you." The evident need in her voice rocked her. Was this passion soaked woman, voice thick with love, really her?
When he pulled his shirt off, her hand touched his bare chest as soon as she was able. So many times, she'd touched him this way, feeling the heat of his body through his Starfleet uniform, so often she'd dreamed of his skin and how it would feel under her hand.
Bending, she touched her mouth to a flat chestnut nipple, licking it so that it gleamed wetly in the starlight, moist with her saliva. Her hands traced patterns over his smooth chest, mapping the hard planes of muscles, fingering his other nipple, running down his flat stomach, down to where an arrow of dark hair disappeared into his pants.
She traced the line of his waistband, above where the material swelled out over his erection. "And what's in here?" she asked lazily, the smile evident in her voice.
"Why don't you find out?" His voice rumbled over her ears. Taking her hands, he placed them at the pants' fastener.
Kathryn fumbled, working to lower the zipper, then pushing his pants down over his hips, so that he stood before her, clad only in his briefs. His cock head pushed over the waistband, the thick glans swollen and purple. Bending, she kissed its shiny tip, then sucked him briefly into her mouth.
"Ah, sweet spirits..." His moan, and the instinctive thrust upwards told her how tenuous was his control.
Peeling the briefs down his legs, she waited while he kicked them away, then she returned to cup his testicles, hefting their heavy weight. His cock rose from a nest of curling dark hair, standing tautly erect, a thick, solid dark shaft, and she bent to suck him briefly into her mouth again. He tasted delicious, salty-hot, and she reveled in the pleasure for a moment. But the helpless undulation of his hips, and the seeping of fluid onto her tongue showed her he was close. And, for their first time she wanted him to come inside her, his thick cock held closely in her depths. She straightened up and kissed his lips again, thrilled at how eagerly he tasted himself on her tongue.
"This isn't very fair." Chakotay's voice held a trace of loving amusement, and his hands crept around to her buttocks, pulling her tight against his erection. "I think I need see you too."
She smiled at the love and anticipation in his voice, and moved away, slipping buttons, pushing her shirt off her shoulders with shaky hands.
"Wait. Let me love you as you loved me."
He stilled her hands, then took over the task, kissing her shoulder, biting gently on the curve of neck and shoulder. He undid her pants so smoothly, barely brushing her flesh with his fingertips, that she was not aware he had done so until they pooled at her feet. His fingers worked the fastening of her bra, and drew it away from her.
The urge was there to cover her breasts--they were small, not as firm now in middle age as they once were--but she resisted, and was glad she had done so when she saw the look in his eyes.
"Now I know," he whispered, and touched a fingertip to her nipple. "You don't know how often I've fantasized about your breasts."
He swept his hand over her body, down her belly to cup her sex through the flimsy panties. He must surely feel how aroused she was, the moisture pooling between her legs. The throbbing was increasing, great golden pulses of need for him to fill her.
Drawing her panties down her legs, she stepped out of them, so that they stood naked together. Once again, the slow melding of bodies, thighs brushed lightly, so that she felt the sparse hairs on his legs pressed against her smooth thighs, then firmly. Hips met, his erection pressing into her belly, and then finally her nipples brushed his chest before he crushed her to him. She wound her arms around his neck and initiated a kiss, a deep meshing of tongues. They stood so close, but not close enough. Her sex throbbed with the need to take him inside her.
"Kathryn," he said against her mouth, and again, reverently, "Kathryn."
The bed was only a few steps away, a good thing, she thought hazily, as he drew her down on its soft cover; any further and she might not have made it.
"How do you...?"
She swallowed his question with a kiss. The mechanics of the act didn't bother her right now, she just wanted him to touch her, so she drew his fingers down between her legs, and let him explore the moisture, slick and hot, let him stroke her folds, and finally her sensitive clit. The pressure was intense, her orgasm hovering a breath away as he stroked and fondled, building inexorably to a peak. But she didn't want to come alone.
"Stop," she said hoarsely. "Not without you."
He shuddered at her words, and rolled her onto her back, moving above her. She parted her thighs to let him between, and he probed, the tip of his cock moving smoothly between her slick folds. A gentle push, and he was inside. The firm smooth walls of his penis throbbed within her, as she gripped him with muscles long unused.
In the starlight, she could see a shimmer in his eyes. "I love you," he said. "So much."
He started to move, thrusting with gentle strokes. Kathryn couldn't help it; the exquisite friction grew, expanded outwards in glorious frissons, until she was gasping in time to his thrusts. Chakotay raised up on his hands, and she slipped her hand down to her sex as he started to pound faster, his cock sliding easily in her wetness. She rubbed her clit in time with his strokes, slipping fingers down to press the sides of his penis as he thrust.
And then, too soon, but never soon enough, she was coming, a long moan of pleasure and the waves of climax tightened her belly, spasming her inner muscles, clenching down on his cock, so that the final unbearable friction sent him over the edge, and he pulsed his seed deep inside her. And her loneliness lifted away into the starlit night.
For a few moments, he rested his full weight on her, covering her like a blanket. She spread her thighs further so that he could lie in the cradle of her hips and stroked a hand up his neck, over his hairline. His face was buried in the crook of her neck, but she could feel his smile against her skin.
Rolling off, he pulled her over, so that she lay sprawled over his chest. Her earlier feeling of contentment expanded, until she was thrumming with it. His heart beat strongly under her ear, and she let her fingers lie on his skin. So strange, yet so right to lie like this with her friend, such a wondrous rightness in feeling the naked contact. She turned her head into him and licked the salt from his chest. The wetness between her legs coated the tops of her thighs, and knowing it was Chakotay's seed slipping out of her heightened her pleasure.
"I'm not sure I can describe that," she said. "That was... incandescent." She sighed. "That seems so inadequate."
She heard the smile in his voice, as he said, "I always knew we'd be good together."
Underneath her thigh, his damp cock stirred, and his fingers started to walk, stealing with intent down between her legs.
She raised her head to look at him. "We're middle-aged people. You're not supposed to recover that quickly."
"Objections?" His fingers delved inside her sex, swirling in their combined juices. He raised his fingers to his lips, and licked them clean. His penis rose to a glorious tumescence.
"None," she sighed, as her hands started their own explorations once more. "None at all."
***
The slanting Dorvan sun woke Kathryn early the next morning. She was securely wrapped in Chakotay's arms, her leg over his thighs. It seemed that neither of them had wanted to separate during the night. She lay for long moments, savoring the moment. The bursting happiness was still there, and the ache of disappointment that had clouded her Alpha Quadrant days since their return had faded to nothing.
She turned her head to see Chakotay. He was sleeping soundly, a half-smile on his lips. This was her place in the Alpha Quadrant, she thought. This was where she was meant to be. Devastated Dorvan would be a lot of work, a lot of heartbreak and strife, but as long as she was by his side, then she knew that together, they could move mountains. And they would have a good life.
Quietly, she extricated herself from his arms, and padded naked out onto the verandah. She leaned on the rail and watched the sun rise higher, until she felt the rays on her face. Tilting her head back, she let it bathe her in its warmth. The rightness of the previous night still thrummed in her blood. Chakotay had led her into the sunlight again, away from the grayness of her life.
Tal Celes' shy words about wanting to follow her dream of love came back to her. Finding the courage to love. It all came down to that. Silently, she wished Celes well, and hoped that she and Harry would find each other.
Two warm, brown arms stole around her waist. She leaned back into Chakotay's embrace and smiled as he nuzzled her neck.
"I wanted to wake up with you," he said. "So that I would know this wasn't a dream."
She turned and tucked herself under his arm. One hand caressed the flat planes of his stomach, and the temptation was to stray down to fondle his turgid cock. But, for the moment, she resisted. The sunrise was too glorious, and she was sure that afterwards, they would go inside and share their bodies in love again. Her thighs ached from his lovemaking of the previous night, and she felt messy, her hair snarled, and his semen dried on her thighs. But that was part of the pleasure, and she took delight in her picture of a thoroughly loved woman.
"We'll be waking up together for the rest of our lives," she said, and pressed a kiss to his bare, brown chest.
He shuddered and his arm tightened around her. "Yes," he said. "We will." He paused for a moment to savor the sun, then continued, "Your mission to visit the crew - how many more do you have to find?"
"Fifteen, including the four of you who are here."
"We'll visit the remaining ones together," he said. "Show them our happiness."
"Yes." She thought of the days to come with him at her side as they tracked down their people. Maybe later in the months to come, they could revisit the Careys, Tal Celes, Harry, and others.
The sunlight gilded their skin as they stood together on the verandah. Already his cock was stirring, the need to brand her as his still strong and active. Soon they would go back inside. But first...
"I have one thing I have to do this morning," she said. "It's my last act as captain."
"Oh?" He nuzzled her neck, lapping at the dried salt tracks of tears and sweat with a careful tongue. "What do you have to do?"
"Resign my commission."
(((FIN)))
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