Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything. I get nothing from this.
Rated NC-17 for explicit sex.
Inspired by pre-seventh season rumors that some one would have to sacrifice themselves for the crew to get home. Don't worry, it's not J or C.
The lights in his quarters were dim. One small meditation lamp for illumination and the ever-present stars beyond the viewport. His hands were on his meditation stone and his eyes were closed. Although the air in his quarters was cool, he was sweating lightly with the effort of keeping focussed, of burrowing ever deeper into the layers of his mind, seeking that place where his mind separated from his body.
Tuvok withdrew into his trance, seeking to strengthen the mental discipline he knew he would need over the coming few days. Pon Farr. The Vulcan mating ritual, the overwhelming need to bond, physically and mentally, with a partner. The only time in a Vulcan's life when the perfect emotional control could not be maintained. Pon Farr was a cataclysmic event, an upheaval of years of discipline. A time when the physical needs of the body grew so intense and the emotional need to connect with that one other could not be denied.
His mate T'Pel was still thirty thousand light years distant. Pon Farr would be upon her too, but the distance was too great for him to reach her.
He had known this would happen of course. It had been one of the first thoughts through his mind, when Voyager was flung seventy thousand light years from Vulcan into the Delta Quadrant. At that moment of transference, he fancied he could feel T'Pel's mind touching his and feel her sense of loss as he was dragged away. Impossible of course, and he was not a fanciful man. No Vulcan was.
When he first felt the tentative stirrings of Pon Farr in his body he had been ready. He had gone to the holodeck and activated a program he had prepared for this moment many months prior. T'Pel appeared to him, dressed in a loose robe.
"Tuvok." Her cool, composed expression greeted him.
"T'Pel, it is time."
The hologram approached him as she had been programmed to do, and they embraced. He waited for that familiar surge of feeling, the need to mate, the need to sublimate himself in her to consume him, but although the urge was there, the connection was not.
How illogical to think that the bond with his mate could be recreated in a hologram.
He left the holodeck without saving the program.
Only one option remained to him. Pon Farr could be controlled and overcome through meditation. True, this way was rarely successful, and required the immense mental disciplines of a master, a level of discipline he had never attained.
It was not an option to take another mate. Even if there been another Vulcan female on the ship, as long as T'Pel lived, and he knew she did, their bond could not be severed. Neither could he substitute a human or alien to serve as his vessel. Without T'Pel's soul, her consciousness, that would work no better than the hologram.
And he couldn't resolve it in battle, as there was no one to challenge for his bondmate. The challenge had to be a genuine one for it to work, and there was no-one on this ship who could challenge him for T'Pel. Tuvok withdrew deeper into himself, trying to attain the elevated mental state required for this to succeed.
And felt a flicker of something around the edge of his consciousness. It couldn't be. Logic dictated that it was not possible. T'Pel's voice was in his mind. It was faint, but clear, a tinny echo of her rich tones, but it was there, barely making it across the distance to him.
"Tuvok. Tuvok, can you hear me?"
He answered her in his mind. "T'Pel, I hear you. How is this possible?"
"I am mind-melded with one of the great masters. It is his mental powers that are enhancing my own and making it possible for me to reach you in this way. Pon Farr is upon me. You must listen closely. The master has a way to resolve this."
Janeway and Chakotay were sitting in Tuvok's quarters. Tuvok, still dressed in his meditation robe, was uncharacteristically edgy. They didn't know why he had summoned them there, urgently at 0200.
"Captain, Commander, thank you for coming so promptly. I am sorry to disturb your rest, but this is a matter of some urgency. I have started the Vulcan mating ritual known as Pon Farr. You are familiar with this?"
Both nodded, and shared a quick concerned glance. They had hoped this situation would not occur until Voyager was safely back in the Alpha Quadrant.
Tuvok outlined the steps he had taken to try and resolve it, as well as succinctly explaining why other options would not work.
"I believed, Captain, that my only option would be intense meditation, by which means I would hope to control the Pon Farr. However, this evening another option has presented itself. One that has repercussions for the whole ship. Tonight, I was contacted by T'Pel..."
Janeway gasped. "Tuvok, how is that possible? Surely the distance is too great?"
"Under normal circumstances you are correct, Captain. However, the increased mental energy generated by my own and T'Pel's Pon Farr is allowing us to bridge that distance, although barely. She is supported and mind-melded with a Vulcan master. His superior mental powers are augmenting her own, and it is that that is allowing the link."
"Tuvok, does this mean that if you can reach her consciousness in this way, that you will be able to resolve your Pon Farr using the holographic T'Pel?" asked Chakotay.
"Commander, that is one possibility. But there is another, altogether better option. You maybe have heard of telekinesis?"
They nodded.
"Telekinesis, is the ability to move physical objects by the power of the mind. It is not a skill that most Vulcan possess. However, the master believes that between the enhanced mental powers that myself, himself and T'Pel are generating during Pon Farr, that the urge for T'Pel and I to mate physically may be strong enough that our mental joining may be able to drag an object along with us."
Janeway leaned forward, eyes shining. "Are you saying that Voyager could slipstream along behind you, using your telekinetic powers to return us to the Alpha Quadrant?"
"That is exactly what I am proposing, Captain. As T'Pel and I reach out mentally to each other, we will be trying to channel that power into telekinetic ability that may enable Voyager to reach home."
There was a moment of total silence in the room.
"What about yourself, Tuvok? Is there any danger to you, T'Pel or the master in attempting this?"
"As far as we can ascertain there is not. Should the mental link prove too much to endure, either I or T'Pel will be able to break the link. However, there is more you must know. T'Pel is strengthened and supported by the master at her end. He will monitor her, ensure that the mental link does not become too much for her to endure. It will be hard for her, but she will be bolstered, watched and supported. However, I do not have anyone of the mental capacity of a master to support me here. I will need someone to aid me at this end."
"What about Vorik?" suggested Chakotay.
"No, it needs to be someone who I am, comfortable, with. The support person will be experiencing much of the emotion of the Pon Farr and I do not wish to share it with Vorik. Captain, I am asking you to mind-meld with me to act as my support, and to monitor my condition. Your considerable mental powers will boost my own."
"What will the captain experience of the Pon Farr?"
"She will unavoidably experience the intense desires of Pon Farr. However, she will not experience it as desire to mate with me, nor I with her. My bond with T'Pel precludes this. But, I must tell you, that the result will be similar to Lieutenant Torres' experiences when she contracted the blood fever as a result of Vorik's Pon Farr. Captain, you will experience an uncontrollable desire to mate with the partner of your choice."
Janeway suddenly couldn't meet anyone's eyes. Suddenly it was becoming embarrassingly clear why Tuvok had included Chakotay in this meeting.
She stood and started to paced around Tuvok's quarters.
"B'Elanna resolved her blood fever in combat. Would that not work for me?"
"If you recall Captain, Torres and Vorik fought each other, yet she projected her desire to mate onto a third individual, Mr. Paris. You and I cannot fight, as I will be resolving my Pon Farr with T'Pel. You will need to find a partner."
She put her hands on her hips and glared defiantly at the pair of them.
"Your suggestion is blatantly obvious, Mr. Tuvok."
"The commander is the most logical choice. It is obvious that the two of you already are... close, although I surmise you have yet to form a physical pair bond. I do not think that the commander is unwilling, and neither do I think that you are. You are at liberty to chose another mate if you wish, I just made the logical assumption that you would chose the commander."
Chakotay said nothing. He was not very comfortable with what was unfolding here. He knew that Kathryn would not let a mere mating come between both the chances of successfully resolving Tuvok's Pon Farr and getting the ship home at the same time. He suspected she would go ahead with it, and he honestly could not see her choosing another member of the crew over him as her mate. What he didn't like was the fact that she was effectively coerced into his bed, once and once only. He thought that if she came to him under those circumstances, it might destroy forever any chance they had of really getting together and having a long and loving relationship. He knew she was very attracted to him, suspected she may even love him, but knew that as long as the ship was out here in the Delta Quadrant, as long as she was the captain and he was commander, that any desires on either of their part to take things further would remain suppressed.
She was still pacing.
"Tell me if I have got this right then, Tuvok. You and I mind-meld, as do T'Pel and the Vulcan master. You and T'Pel communicate, and in the desire to complete your Pon Farr you will attempt to harness your mental powers to move Voyager physically closer to the Alpha Quadrant. Presumably, when we are there, you and T'Pel will be able to resolve your Pon Farr the conventional way. You and I will be melded, I will experience your Pon Farr vicariously, and when we break the meld, I will resolve my blood fever with Chakotay."
Chakotay winced. She sounded so matter of fact and clinical about it. She was reducing all he had ever dreamed about to hormones, chemicals and a physical act.
"There is a little more, Captain. T'Pel will be supported by a master, a person of exceptional mental ability. I will be supported by you. For a human your mental abilities are considerable, but you have no Vulcan training or understanding of what to expect. The meld might be detrimental to you; it may drain you considerably. I suggest that to ensure your safety, the commander is also linked to the meld. His function will be to monitor and support you. He will not participate in the Pon Farr. He will be one step removed from myself, so his safety will not be in question."
"That seems sensible."
"He will however be sharing your thoughts. If you wish, we can have the Doctor monitor yourself and the commander."
"When is the best time to do this?" asked Janeway.
"The optimum time is when my Pon Farr is at its height. That is when my mental energies will be at their peak. I will meditate for as long as I can. I estimate we have two or three days to prepare. If we are successful, the transfer to the Alpha Quadrant will be nearly instantaneous."
For the first time, she looked directly at Chakotay.
"I think I should discuss this with the commander."
"That would be wise," said Tuvok, and returned to his meditation.
They went directly to her quarters.
"Coffee? Tea?"
"No thanks."
She moved to the replicator and helped herself to a cup of coffee. Fiddled with the handle of the mug. Moved to the viewport. Walked back to where he stood by the door.
Then she sighed and turned to face him.
"You don't like this, do you."
"No," he said the word baldly.
She sat on the sofa, and gestured for him to sit beside her.
"What are you thinking, Chakotay?"
He sighed. This was difficult. How to explain to the woman he loved, that while he dearly wanted Tuvok's plan to succeed, if it meant that it destroyed any hope they had of truly getting together, that he would rather stay in the Delta Quadrant for the rest of his life. There was also Tuvok to consider. If this failed or they refused to go through with it, the chances were he would die.
"I'm thinking about us, what happens to us after this."
"Chakotay..." She paused, then lifted her chin and looked him in the eye.
"I've decided to go through with this. In all conscience how can I refuse? If I don't do this, then Tuvok will almost certainly die. If you won't assist, then I will have no choice but to ask someone else." She looked down at her clenched fists and added quietly, "but I would prefer it to be you."
He was silent as he absorbed her words, then he spoke.
"Kathryn, let me ask you a question. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't dream of asking you this, of putting you on the spot, but now I have to know. Tell me, honestly and in plain language what you feel for me and whether you see us ever going any further together in our personal lives."
He waited for her answer, very still on the couch. Everything hung in the balance from this one question. If she said that she was sorry, he was only a friend, a good, close friend but that she never saw him as her lover, even if there was no ship, no crew or protocol, even if they got home tomorrow, then it was the end of all his unspoken hopes and dreams. In that case, he had nothing to lose by going along with the plan. At least that way he would get to lie with her once, even if it wasn't how he would like.
On the other hand, if she said that she cared for him, loved him even, and was only constrained by the ship and all it entailed, then he potentially stood to lose the world. He didn't want her to come to him, only because she had no choice. He wanted her to come of her own free will, not coerced by outside circumstances as seemed to be the case.
She was silent a long moment. He waited.
"Chakotay, honestly and from the heart, I tell you that I love you. I have loved you for a very long time. I think that you love me, and I think that you want more than I can offer you at this time. When I allow myself to think about it, I have the hope, the faint hope, that maybe back in the Alpha Quadrant we can be together, body and soul as I would like. But it seems such a long way off."
"I cannot see how I can refuse Tuvok, but it puts us in a terrible position. I never thought we would practically be forced to make love like this. But I really don't want it to be anyone else. And if it works, then we will be back in the Alpha Quadrant, free to love each other if we so choose."
She stopped.
He took her hands."I do love you, Kathryn. I want to be with you more then anything, but I wanted you to choose me freely because you wanted me, not like this, when you are effectively forced into it. But what happens if it doesn't work? If at the end of all this we are still in the Delta Quadrant - lovers, but not true lovers. What then? I don't know if after we've been together, under any circumstances, if I could go back to being just friends."
"I don't think I could either," she admitted. "I've held back from you for so long that this might be unleashing the dam. Tuvok knew what exactly what he was asking of us, when he asked both of us to come to him tonight. Chakotay, I just know that I love you deeply, and my first reaction when Tuvok made the suggestion was that finally I would get to make love to you, that the decision had been taken out of my hands."
He held her hands so tightly that her bones ached with his grasp. "I don't know what to say," he said. "On one hand, you finally admitting you love me, after all this time, when I had almost given up hope that you would ever care, is all that I want to hear. On the other hand, we're now pushed into a corner. I had hoped to court you, woo you, seduce you slowly. Not jump your bones when you are out of your mind with blood fever."
She chuckled, then grew serious. "Chakotay, what will we do?"
He was silent, then he said slowly. "If we do this, if we resolve Tuvok's Pon Farr, whether or not we get back to the Alpha Quadrant, we will be lovers. If we do, could you see it as the start of our relationship, regardless of what happens, or would you feel compelled to deny it had happened if we didn't get back?"
"You're asking me to become lovers on the ship?"
"Yes, I am. I wouldn't if it wasn't the way it is but in this situation we have little choice. Will you be open about your relationship with me?"
She touched his thigh. "Chakotay, I wouldn't want to hide it. What has been holding me back is the immense step we have to take in the first place to make it happen, not the reactions of the crew."
She reached a decision. "Chakotay, please, make love with me tonight."
He doubted his ears.
"I'm asking you, be my lover tonight. Before Tuvok, before Pon Farr. Let's make love now, just Kathryn and Chakotay, no outside influences. Just because we want to."
"And tomorrow?"
"I won't hide it. We do this openly or not at all. In a couple of day's time, we'll both meld with Tuvok. Regardless of the outcome, this can be the start of something new for us."
"Kathryn, it's 0400. I have to be on the bridge at 0700."
She leaned forward, and fitted her lips to his.
He gasped. Her lips moved persuasively on his, her hand moved onto his thigh.
"I love you, Chakotay. We might not have got to this point right now if it wasn't for Tuvok, but please, don't doubt what I feel."
He took her face in both his hands and stared down at her. Her face was open, her heart in her eyes.
Without a word, he stood and led her by the hand into her bedroom. He started to undress, while she watched, and then when he was naked, he slipped under the covers in her bed. She remained standing by the bed, watching him.
He lifted the covers invitingly. "Changed your mind? Come to bed, Kathryn, come to bed and love me."
She didn't need asking twice. Soon she was as naked as he and slipping under the covers. He felt her soft body pressed up against his own.
He rolled over facing her and one of his hands came up to cup her face. In the dim light of the bedroom, he could still see the love shining out of her eyes. He pulled the bedclothes over their heads, so that they were totally enclosed in the darkness. His lips moved closer and she met him halfway. They kissed softly and slowly as their hands started to learn the texture and shape of the other's skin. He could feel the hard points of her nipples digging into his chest and feel his erection pushing into the pillow of her belly. The kiss grew deeper and more intense. Tongues tangled, hands roamed over heated skin. She was panting softly, the sound intensified in the stillness of her quarters and the cocoon of blankets. His hand sought her breast and she moaned into his mouth as he circled her nipple with gentle fingers.
He couldn't see her in the darkness, but the soft sheets and the weight of the blankets over them made a womb-like cave for their silent lovemaking. Touch was heightened; the breathy noises she was making were swallowed up in his mouth. He moved down her body, catching a nipple in his teeth and tugging gently. A large hand smoothed over her hip, working its way insistently to her center.
She groaned his name, the first words either of them had spoken since she joined him in her bed.
She encircled his penis with her hand, stroking heated fingers along his shaft. He was working one finger up inside her, testing her readiness.
"Please, Chakotay, now, I want you inside me."
He settled more fully over her, she spread her legs around his hips, thighs trembling from the unaccustomed position. He caught her mouth in a long kiss, as she guided him to her entrance. He pushed, and with a long stroke he entered her. She cried out, as much from the suddenness of it as passion and he stilled, letting her adjust to the feel of him, kissing her softly and whispering words of love.
She moved underneath him, and with her hands on his buttocks urged him on. They rocked together, gaining speed and urgency, until he was slamming himself into her, the bed shaking with the force of his thrusts. She was crying his name, over and over, until she convulsed around him in waves of sensation. Her tightness set him off and he thrust deeper, pulsating inside her as he filled her with his seed.
They lay still, whispering endearments to each other in the darkness of the blankets, until her feared he was too heavy for her and rolled off, taking her with him so she lay sprawled over his chest.
*
She sat up suddenly, pushing the blankets off in one movement, leaving him exposed to her gaze.
"I wanted to see you," she said. "I wanted to see if you looked different, now that we're lovers."
He smiled up at her. "And do I?"
"Yes. You look happier, relaxed. In love."
"Because I am." He pulled her down to him again, and she kissed him.
His hands were drawing slow circles on her back, running along her shoulders, playing with her hair. She relaxed into his embrace, feeling loved, safe, cherished.
Slowly the caresses grew, and they made love a second time under the viewport. She was on top, bucking on top of him, as he held her buttocks. She didn't know whether to watch him or watch the stars.
They were making slow languorous love for a third time, skin sweaty, sticky, slickly wet with their fluids when the alarm went off. She reset it with a voice command just before she came, convulsing under his mouth as his fingers and tongue probed her wetness.
They drifted back down to earth, legs and arms tangled and stuck together.
He stroked her hair. "Any regrets?" he asked her softly.
"Not one. Not ever. I love you."
"I love you too, but I have to get up."
"No. Harry can take the bridge today. We should check on Tuvok, let him know we'll do it, brief the Doc, he has to monitor Tuvok and us. Brief the Senior Staff..."
"Yes, how much are we going to tell them?"
"We'll think of something. A lot will depend on how much Tuvok is willing to divulge. Pon Farr is a very private time for Vulcans."
"That is something else to consider," said Chakotay. "If this succeeds, Voyager will re-enter the Alpha Quadrant with its three most senior crew members, er... otherwise occupied."
Kathryn chuckled. "Yes, that leaves us a choice of Harry or Tom in command when we establish contact with Starfleet. Gods! What a choice!"
"You can always leave me in command and get Harry or Tom to help with your blood fever."
She rolled closer to him and pressed a kiss on his chest.
"Can you imagine their faces if I suggested it? Especially if I told them it was your idea."
Chakotay held her close. "I think they would refuse. I think they would know it would be more then their life was worth dealing with me later."
They visited Tuvok and informed him that they would go ahead. Tuvok was composed, his meditation was controlling the Pon Farr, but he said it would probably only be another day that he would be able to keep control.
"I suggest we make the attempt tomorrow morning, Captain. To delay further is to put undue stress on my mind which may prove detrimental to our plan."
Kathryn touched his hand briefly. "You are strong and wise my friend. We will succeed."
Tuvok did not look at her. "I am glad, Captain, that you have agreed to bond with the commander. He is the best and most logical choice for you."
She took Chakotay's hand. "Tuvok we are now bonded already. We love each other."
Tuvok nodded. "It is as I surmised."
"Tuvok, how much do you wish me to tell the senior staff? I have to tell them something, they will be in charge getting the ship through to the Alpha Quadrant, and will be making the initial contact with Starfleet"
"You may mention the Pon Farr. It is not logical to withhold the information from them. It will help them understand."
"Thank you. We will brief them later today."
Their next meeting was with the Doctor. His program was already running, he was humming to himself as he worked on updating some records.
"Ah, Captain, Commander, what can I do for you?"
"Let's go into your office, Doctor, this is of a confidential nature."
"I see." Curiosity evident on his face, the Doctor led them into his office and closed the door.
"Well, what can I help you with today? It is not often I see the two of you in here together, is this of an intimate nature?"
They kept straight faces with difficulty. The Doctor could be so obvious at times.
Kathryn explained the plan.
"We want you to monitor Tuvok, Chakotay and myself. If anything looks too stressful, particularly for Tuvok, you must interrupt and we must sever the link. Chakotay will be somewhat removed from the main link with T'Pel, his main function is to support me, not Tuvok."
"I see. Well, you can rest assured that my superior medical and observatory skills will endeavor to keep the three of you safe. You will each wear a transceiver that will allow me to monitor you. May I enquire as to how you plan on resolving the blood fever after the meld with Commander Tuvok?"
She smiled at Chakotay. "You need not concern yourself with that, Doctor."
"Well maybe I should. Both yourself and the commander are overdue for your contraceptive boosters. In addition, this is a perfect opportunity for me to study, first-hand the effects of blood fever on human physiology. I will only need to observe your behavior with the commander. I will not intrude upon..." he tailed to a stop as Janeway death-glared him.
"Doctor, once the transfer to the Alpha Quadrant is complete, and it is evident that there is no danger to any of the parties concerned, you will immediately cease monitoring all three of us. You can keep your voyeuristic tendencies to yourself and that is an order."
"Well, really, Captain, it is only in the interest of medical science that I ask. What you and the commander do behind closed doors is your own business."
"We will take those boosters though," said Chakotay.
"Yes, we should." Janeway smiled at him. "I hope we're not too late."
"That can be quickly ascertained." The Doctor ran a tricorder over her. "No, Captain, you are defiantly not pregnant. However I am reading elevated hormonal levels, and signs of recent sexual..."
"Enough," roared Janeway. "The boosters, Doctor. Now."
They left his office chuckling.
"He in incorrigible," said Chakotay. "I think if we let him, he would be in the room with us, walking around us, studying us from all angles as he brushed up on his knowledge of mating practices."
"My goodness, Commander," he mimicked the Doctors precise tones, "Would you mind explaining exactly what you are trying to achieve when you stimulate the captain like that."
A passing ensign heard his words and did a double take, then nearly walked into a bulkhead watching the command team rub shoulders and laugh.
© Shayenne, September 2000 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.