Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything.
Rated NC-17
Humbly dedicated to K.J. and her new bathtoy, shown here, wicked thoughts of which inspired this story.
:-)
"She's my wife dammit! Where the hell is she?"
"Commander, please calm down. She is also the Captain of this ship. I'm sure she will be here as soon as she can. Please try and relax, you are aggravating your condition."
The Doctor approached Chakotay warily, hypospray in hand. The Commander was extremely agitated, thrashing around on the biobed. The monitor had recorded that his blood pressure had risen by 30 points since he had regained consciousness, and even a slight rise was increasing the intercranial pressure and the corresponding risk of brain damage.
He pressed the hypospray to his neck and Chakotay lapsed back into sleep.
The Doctor crossed to the terminal. "EMH to Captain Janeway, please report to sickbay immediately."
"What is it Doctor?"
The Doctor rested one hip on the desk. Absently Kathryn noted the mannerism, the trust-me-sucker-I'm-a-Doctor posture. She wondered when he had added that to his subroutines.
"It's the Commander. He is awake."
Kathryn's face registered relief. "Excellent. Can I see him?"
"Definitely, but first there are some things you have to know. The blow on his head has caused a severe concussion. His intercranial pressure has risen to dangerous levels as more fluid is produced to cushion his brain. You needn't worry, the Commander is very hard headed and he will make a full recovery. However, I estimate it will take a couple of days for the pressure to drop sufficiently that his delusions stop. Captain, he thinks you are his wife, and he is demanding your presence. He wants to be released to your care so that he can recuperate in your quarters, your shared quarters."
"He thinks what! Where would he get that impression from?"
"Quite frankly I don't know. You haven't exhibited any wifely behavior towards the Commander that I can see, but that is currently what he believes. I want to release him to your care. I can keep him in sick bay, but he becomes so distressed when he is awake that his intercranial pressure rises, delaying his recovery and adding to the danger that he may suffer permanent brain damage. I can't keep him sedated for two or three days. The best thing for him is for you to take him home."
"And pretend to be his wife?"
"Yes. When the pressure drops, he will remember the real facts and no doubt be extremely embarrassed, but to tell him now will agitate him further."
"And how far do you suggest I take this pretence, Doctor." She stressed his title angrily. "Is therapeutic sex part of the treatment?"
He was sublimely unaware of the sarcasm. "No Captain. Women have been finding convenient excuses to evade sex for centuries, I am sure you can come up with something if that becomes an issue. Might I suggest you, 'have a headache'. In fact, the Commander must not become excited or emotional in any way. Anger, aggression, sexual arousal... all can cause pressure rises which will delay his recovery."
Kathryn shook her head bemusedly. This was the most ridiculous situation. But the Doctor was unfortunately right. If going along with the pretence speeded Chakotay's recovery, then she would do it. No doubt they would laugh about it later, when he was recovered.
"You may see him Captain, and if he is sufficiently calm, you may take him home. Be a good wife to him now." Avuncularly, he patted her on the shoulder.
She seethed at him.
They walked into sickbay, and the Doctor woke Chakotay with a hypospray. She studied him. He looked pale underneath his golden color, slightly transparent.
His eyes opened and he saw her standing over him. "Kathryn." He smiled. "Where were you?"
"I was on the bridge, couldn't get away until we had retrieved the shuttle that was damaged."
He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "Sorry about that."
"Don't be. At least you are OK."
"Have you come to take me home?"
"Yes if the Doctor allows." She could see him out of the corner of her eye, studying the monitors.
"Yes, you can go Commander. Remain in your quarters for the next two days, I'll leave the cortical monitor in place so I can monitor you from here. The Captain is off duty to care for you. No excitement though..."
Chakotay's eyes were warm on her face. "We'll try and behave, won't we love?"
She closed her eyes briefly. This was going to be worse than she thought. Behave? Oh Chakotay, if only you knew.
They had a site-to-site transport into her quarters. Chakotay crossed to sit on the couch.
"How do you feel?" Kathryn studied him. "Do you want to lie down?"
"In a minute. I think I'll have a shower before I do. But what I really want is a kiss from my lovely wife."
She looked at his face, so open and relaxed, his eyes warm and inviting. "The Doctor said no excitement, remember?"
"I hardly think a kiss will cause my blood pressure to go off the scale."
She hesitated and then bent and brushed her lips to his. They felt warm and soft under hers. She felt him start to open his lips, but she was already pulling away. Their first kiss. What a let down, she thought wryly.
"Can you manage in the shower?"
"I think so," he said. "But there's room for you too."
She smiled at him. "Later," she said, hoping that the answer would suffice.
When she heard the sound of running water, she moved quickly. She needed to get some of his clothes from his quarters. She went swiftly down the corridor and let herself in.
She walked into his sleeping quarters and hesitated. She had rarely been in his bedroom before, there had only been the odd occasion when she had leaned in the doorway talking to him as he did something or the other during their working dinners. She looked around. Unmade bed, rumpled and tossed. It looked like he was a restless sleeper. She swallowed hard, she didn't want to think about him naked and abandoned in this bed.
Bed. Sleep. That was something else in this ridiculous arrangement of the Doctor's that had to be faced too.
She crossed to his drawers. She felt like she was invading his privacy, but it had to be done and quickly too before he finished his shower. She opened the top drawer, and scooped out a handful of socks and underwear. So he was a briefs man. She allowed herself a small smile, that was one fantasy question answered. Swiftly she moved down through his drawers, taking a couple of shirts, and pants. She looked for pajamas, but there were none. She hoped he didn't sleep in the nude, what on earth would she do then? She looked around the rumpled bed but there was no clothing to be seen caught up in the bedding. Arms full she turned, and at the last moment scooped up his medicine bundle from the top of the cabinet.
She returned to her quarters. The shower was still going. Crossing to the bedroom, she distributed the clothes in her drawers, throwing a pair of gray sweatpants on the bed in the hope that he would sleep in them.
The shower was still going. Pausing at the door to the bathroom, she called out to him. "Chakotay? Are you alright in there."
Faintly she heard his voice. "I could use a hand." His voice sounded weak and thready.
Without stopping to think, she entered the bathroom. He was sitting on the floor in the shower, back propped against the wall, the water pouring over his head.
He tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace. "My head hurts and I was dizzy so I sat down. Now I can't reach the shower control."
She leant over him to turn the shower off, very conscious of his big golden body naked beneath her. "Can you get up?"
"I think so, if you support me."
"Let me call the Doctor, maybe you should go back to sickbay."
"No Kathryn, please no," he sounded frantic. "I want to stay here with you. Please?"
"Let's get you to bed." Crouching, she let him link his arms around her neck and she straightened, so that she supported him as they stood.
"Wait," he mumbled. "Let me stand for a minute."
Torture. Pure torture. His wet, slick body was pressed against her, his arms around her neck. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily. She tried not to look at him, so gloriously unashamedly naked, but her eyes strayed to his side, the curve of flank and buttock. He's sick, she reminded herself. He thinks you're his wife. Such a cruel irony. She turned and wrapped an arm around his waist supporting him as she reached for the towel.
"Here, can you dry yourself?"
"Can you do it please?"
She groaned silently to herself. How would she ever do this? Well, she was certainly learning a lot about him today. This would fuel her fantasies for months now. She patted him down with the towel, wiping the rivulets of water from his smooth chest, swiping over his back and shoulders, dragging the towel down over those beautiful buttocks. She bent and dried down each leg, study and muscular, then tentatively wiped his groin. Dear god, he was half-hard. His penis was stirring under the towel, twitching as she dried the dense curls of black hair.
"Chakotay..." She tried hard to inject a playful note into her voice. "The Doctor said no excitement."
"Can I help what you do to me?" He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close, the damp towel thankfully crushed between them. He kissed the top of her head.
"He's monitoring you," she reminded him, lightly touching the cortical monitor at the base of his skull.
"One kiss," he mumbled into her hair. He gathered her fully into his arms and lowered his mouth to hers.
Kathryn didn't know what to do. She would hardly push him away if they really were married, so in the end she did nothing, just relaxed into his arms, feeling a helpless pull of longing as his mouth touched hers. He kissed her thoroughly, parting her lips and slipping his tongue into her mouth.
Her head was spinning. Gods, she was kissing Chakotay, she was wrapped in his arms, his mouth was on hers, in hers, she could taste him, he tasted of apples and smoke, he was sweet, he was firm and alive in her arms. Her eyes drifted closed. She should stop him, break away and make a joke, an excuse, gods he was a sick man and must not get excited. Her thoughts ran in chaotic circles. Too late, he was hard against her belly. Just a minute more she told herself. It was too late now to pretend it hadn't happened and for once she had an excuse. She held his shoulders, warm and hard, and kissed him back, just this minute, just this once....
The chirp of her Comm badge brought her back to reality.
"Captain.... Captain..." It was the Doctor's nasally tones, insistently calling her. "Captain, I know quite well what you are doing and you must stop now. The Commander's vital signs are rising to dangerous levels."
She pulled away from Chakotay, a flush staining her cheeks and tapped the badge. "We hear you, Doctor. Please repeat that to the Commander, it was his idea."
"I hear you Doc," said Chakotay. "I was just kissing my wife."
"Well refrain please," said the Doctor. "Your... wife is obviously a very stimulating woman."
Kathryn could hear the smirk in his voice as she severed the link. "Come on, let's get you to bed."
Chakotay continued to hold her. "I love you," he murmured, "It's like kissing you for the first time all over again."
This was getting worse... how could she ever tell him that he *had* just kissed her properly for the first time. And last. It had to be. And he loved her, oh god what would she do when he recovered and remembered this.
She got him into bed, her bed. He lay down, curled on his side, naked under the sheet. He had ignored the sweatpants she had left out for him.
"Think you'll sleep for a bit?" She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair.
He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips into the palm. "I'd rather you were here with me, but I guess the ship won't run itself."
"Sleep well." She hesitated for a moment, then bent and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"... love you, Kath..." He was nearly asleep already.
She watched him sleep for a few minutes. Her most secret fantasy had come true, Chakotay, naked in her bed. And she couldn't, wouldn't do a damn thing about it. But she could remember... She sat and dreamed for a few stolen moments, absently stroking his hair. She committed to memory how he looked naked. He was everything she had ever imagined him to be, beautiful, strong, firm, hard... She remembered the feel of him in her arms, the taste of him in her mouth. She had finally kissed him. It was better than imagination, but it could never be repeated, and when he recovered both of them had to forget about it. He was going to be mortified once he realized he had declared his love for her. She suspected he was telling the truth, this whole marriage fantasy and his intense behaviour supported the fact.
She sighed. She loved him too and it would be so easy to get caught up in his delusion and make believe it was real for a precious couple of days. But she couldn't do that, it would complicate things immensely.
She returned to the living area and settled to work with some reports.
She worked for three hours, getting up occasionally to check that Chakotay was still sleeping. She was right; he was a restless sleeper, moving from his front to his side, then onto his back, legs and arms thrown in all directions. He slept warm too, more then once she picked the sheet up from the floor to cover his nudity.
In the early evening he awoke, and they shared a light meal from the replicator. He insisted on sitting on the couch with her, his arm around her, playing with her hair, stroking her arm, lightly kissing her from time to time. Gentle stolen kisses that she always managed to ease out of when he would have deepened them. He remained calm and relaxed. When the Doctor checked in with them, he reported that Chakotay was doing fine, everything was as it should be.
Kathryn returned to the couch. The Doctor may have said that all was fine, but she was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Chakotay seemed so relaxed, so happy, so much a man in love that she hated deceiving him like this, even if it was at his own instigation. In addition, she was finding it increasingly difficult to distance herself from the role of beloved wife. It was too easy to relax into the curve of Chakotay's arm, feel his lips caress her cheek, her hair, her lips. Feel the steady rhythm of his heart underneath her palm. Seductively easy to believe that this was real.
Inevitably Chakotay tired quickly and retired to bed, unabashedly shucking the sweatpants to crawl naked under the sheet.
"Are you coming?" he asked.
"In a minute," she replied. "I just want to go through these reports first."
He was in bed, the sheet down around his waist.
"Kiss me before you go." His eyes were hot and promised all sorts of pleasures for later, if only she would come to bed and he wasn't sick.
She bent and brushed his lips softly. He grabbed the back of her head, pulling her down to him as his hands ran down her back and around to her breasts.
"Kathryn," he murmured into her mouth, "god, what you do to me."
She felt the sweep of his tongue in her mouth and his hands moving leisurely across her breasts. She gasped as he found a nipple, and rubbed it through her tunic. More then anything she wanted to lie down with him and let their bodies take them where they would, but she dragged her thoughts back to Chakotay and his condition.
"No," she sighed into his mouth, even as he tasted and nibbled her lips. "We mustn't... the Doctor… you can't do this."
Reluctantly he moved away from her. "Later," he whispered. "It seems like forever since we made love. At least come to bed and let me hold you."
"No," she said. "I have to do these reports first. You sleep now, I'll join you later."
She kissed him on the cheek and turned and left, not trusting herself to leave him if she met his eyes.
Back in the living area, she composed herself and settled down with a glass of wine and the enormous stack of PADDs. She found it hard to concentrate, her thoughts kept creeping back to the man in her bed. She badly wanted to crawl in next to him and let his touch work its magic.
She planned to keep working until she fell asleep on the couch, but found that she was acheiving little. Really, what would it hurt to sleep next to him tonight, just tonight, to let him hold her, to run her hands over that smooth skin, to... No. She would sleep here. She laid her head back on the couch trying to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. Telling herself she was checking up on him, she walked into the bedroom.
Maybe he sensed her watching him, but one eye opened a crack. "Kathryn, come to bed."
"In a minute," she replied.
"It's late, the reports can wait. Please my love, come to bed and let me hold you. I'll be good for the Doc."
It was her undoing. There was so much longing in his voice. She sat on the bed and shed boots, jumpsuit and turtleneck. She pulled her bra off, and crawled into bed wearing panties and the tank.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight into the curve of his body. Her head rested on his chest. Her hand stole around to his back.
"Why are you wearing clothes?" He was nuzzling her neck.
"I'm slightly cold," she improvised. You're hotter than usual because of the concussion."
His large hand stole under the tank, rubbing her back.
"So nice... so soft... my Kathryn..."
He was sliding back into sleep.
She lay still, willing her breathing to calm and enjoyed the unaccustomed feeling of lying close to someone, the warmth and smell of a man in her bed. She sighed. It was seven years since someone had held her as she drifted off to sleep. Too long.
She awoke gradually, feeling disorientated. There was someone in bed with her, curled around her back. An aroused someone, she amended as she shifted position slightly and felt the unmistakable press of an erection against her bottom. A warm hand was wrapped over her ribs, underneath the tank, stroking its way up towards her breasts.
"Chakotay!"
It came flooding back to her, his concussion, his delusions, why she was here in bed with him.
"Hmmm" He purred in her ear as the treacherous hand crept higher, cupping a breast, the thumb rubbing over her nipple.
"What are you doing?" That was the wrong thing to say. If she was his wife, she would hardly ask him that. If she was his wife she would press her bottom back against his thick rod and her breast into his hand.
"Isn't it obvious? Making love to you." He swayed his hips seductively against her bottom, letting her feel how very aroused he was.
"We can't," she croaked. "No excitement, remember?"
"Too late," his warm breath tickled her neck. "I'm already excited. And so are you." Deliberately he gently pinched her nipple, making her gasp.
With an immense effort, she rolled away from him. "No Chakotay. It's too dangerous for you. I'm getting up. You lie here and try to relax."
He moved after her, running a hand down her thigh, creeping around to her panties. "I could pleasure you instead," he said. "Make you cry out under my fingers. You'd like that Kathryn..."
"No!" Dear god, what was she going to do? She tried for a calmer tone of voice. "Since when have you been able to do that and not get excited? Be good Chakotay, it's only for a couple of days."
Reluctantly his hand fell away and she moved to the edge of the bed and sat up. She looked at him. He was lying on his back, hands behind his head, stark naked, with his large, thick, uncircumcised erection rising up prominently.
He grinned at her. "See what you're missing out on thanks to the Doc?
"He'll be hitting the Comm link any second now if you don't calm down," she managed to say through dry lips. Good grief, he was beautiful. And large. What would it feel like to run her fingers along that silken shaft, to slide back his foreskin, to take him in her mouth and hear him groan. What would it be like to feel him deep inside her? Especially that.
She forced herself off the bed. "I'm going to have a shower."
"Have fun."
She turned the shower to full, stripped off and got in. She rested her back against the wall and closed her eyes, letting her hands stroke down her breasts, down her body, to slip between her legs. It was either this or go back into the bedroom and climb on top of Chakotay, and all things considered this was the safest option. The tiled wall was cool against her back, the water cascaded down over her head and her body as she spread her legs apart and dipped her fingers between. She thought of the man in her bed. It didn't take long before she came, quietly convulsing against the press of her fingers.
She opened her eyes. Chakotay was leaning against the bathroom door, his eyes hot as he watched her. He was naked and hard.
"Oh!" She raised her hands to cover her cheeks, the fiery red blush of embarrassment creeping out. She was utterly mortified. Her most private, secret moment was open and revealed. Given a choice she would rather have walked naked onto the bridge than be discovered doing this. She felt dirty and ashamed. Never in her life had anyone seen her masturbate, and now here she was spiraling down from an orgasm in front of the man who had inspired her fantasy. There was nowhere to hide, nothing to cover her nakedness or hide the sexual flush still fading from her breasts.
"Please," she implored him. "Go away." She turned away, facing the wall, hoping that he would simply leave, tears of shame in her eyes.
She felt rather then heard him come up behind her, his hands touched her shoulders and he turned her towards him, pulling her close.
"Don't be ashamed, Kathryn," he whispered. "That was so beautiful. Don't hide from me."
He cradled her to him, skin to skin as he throbbed and pulsated between them. Her breasts were pressed to his chest, her cheek wet against his shoulder. He lifted her chin and kissed her softly and languorously.
"Please," he whispered again. "I love you. Don't be ashamed."
She hid her face in his chest. She was at a total loss. When he recovered and remembered this, he would realize exactly how she felt about him. But oh, how good he felt against her skin. She let her arms creep around his waist.
"I would have done that for you," he was still whispering. "Just as soon as I'm better I will, I promise. I'll love you long into the night, I'll hear you call my name, that you love me, want me, need me, just like I do you. Oh Kathryn..." he drew a shuddering breath. "This all feels so new and beautiful."
The words had been weaving a hypnotic spell, but the last ones jerked her up short. What was she thinking of? When he recovered his memories, he would hate her for letting him expose his emotions to her like this.
She stepped away from him, pulling a towel in front of her.
"Chakotay, I think you better go back to sick bay. There's no way you are calm and relaxed here with me. I don't know why the Doctor hasn't intervened already."
He grinned like a naughty little boy. "I took the cortical monitor off. I feel fine."
"Chakotay! Any second now he'll transport his program here to find out what's wrong... for crying out loud, what did you do that for?"
"Herumm..." The sound of a male voice ostentatiously clearing his throat interrupted them and her humiliation was complete.
"Captain." The Doctor stepped into the bathroom. "I thought I was explicit enough in my instructions that the Commander was not to become sexually aroused." Pointedly he looked at a naked, grinning and very erect Chakotay.
She fastened the towel more securely around her. "I suggest you take him back to sickbay Doctor. This isn't working."
"Kathryn! No, you promised..."
"I'm afraid I must concur with the Captain," said the Doctor. "All of this... excitement... is doing you more harm then good. At least I can sedate you if you find yourself in this state in sickbay."
"Don't worry," groused Chakotay, " I don't find you that exciting."
"All the more reason to take you to sickbay. Do I need to make it an order?"
"No." Chakotay walked back into the bedroom and pulled on the sweatpants and the two of them disappeared.
She walked into the bedroom and discarding the towel crawled into bed. What a mess. What a complete unholy mess. She clung to the faint hope that Chakotay would not remember any of what had happened, but she knew in her heart that he would and they would have to face it.
She thought back to when she opened her eyes in the bathroom to find him staring at her. The shame she had felt at the time was gradually giving way to excitement. Gods, the heat in his eyes could have melted dilithium. Groaning, she turned on her stomach, pressing her face into the pillow. It smelt of him, overwhelmingly male and musky. She rolled away onto her back and tried to sleep. She had the day off, she might as well try and salvage it.
The day passed uneventfully with reports. She went to the messhall for lunch but otherwise didn't leave her quarters. Around 17:00 the Doctor contacted her to say that he was releasing Chakotay back to his quarters.
"His own quarters, Captain. The Commander's intercranial pressure has fallen and he no longer thinks that you are his wife."
"Good," she said woodenly.
The Doctor continued on, oblivious to her stilted tone. "He is somewhat embarrassed about his delusion, but that is to be expected, given how I found the two of you in the shower."
She just hoped the Doc was alone in his office making this communication, and not in the middle of sickbay with Tom Paris, Sam Wildman and god knows whom else listening in.
"He should be fit for duty in a couple of days."
"Thank you Doctor." She severed the link.
Well, she couldn't avoid Chakotay forever, and if he was embarrassed about it too, she might have to face him sooner rather than later. Knowing him, he would come to apologize. With a bit of luck then they could just forget about the whole sorry mess.
The door chime finally rang around 21:00, just when she was starting to relax, deciding he wasn't coming.
"Come in Chakotay," she called.
The door opened, and he stood there in the same gray sweatpants and a T-shirt. She was sitting on the couch under the viewport. He hovered in the door, uncharacteristically hesitant.
"It's alright," she said. "I won't bite. I know why you're here."
"Do you?" His voice was soft. "Do you really know Kathryn?"
A small frown creased her brow. That wasn't what she had thought he would say. "Don't worry about it Chakotay. You were sick, and you got some wild idea into your head. It was hardly your fault. The Doctor practically ordered me to play along with you." She stood and started pacing. "So things got a little out of hand. She met his eyes briefly, then dropped them again. "That was as much my fault as yours. We can forget about it. I understand you said and did things you wouldn't normally do, I did too. I'm sorry."
She walked over to him and placed a hand on his arm. It trembled slightly and she hoped he wouldn't notice. "Friends again?"
He was very still, looking down at her. "That depends."
There was something wrong here. She just didn't know what. "On what?" Even to her ears she sounded nervous.
Chakotay faced her and took her hands. "Kathryn, I've been pacing in my quarters ever since the Doctor discharged me, wondering what I was going to say to you. When I woke up in sickbay and realized the truth, and remembered the misapprehension I had been under, well at first I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for you rather then me..."
She gasped and blushed. She could well imagine why.
"No," his eyes were gentle. "Not that, Kathryn. I was embarrassed for you having to listen to me, being so pathetic... spouting stuff I didn't think you wanted to hear. I don't think any of it can have been a surprise if you are honest. You must have had some inkling of how I feel about you. I guess you just didn't expect to have it pushed in your face like that, when you could hardly talk sense into me."
His thumb stroked her clenched hands. "At first, I was going to come and apologize. Beg your forgiveness for putting you on the spot like that, for taking advantage of you, even though you know I had a different view of the situation. But then I got to remembering... You can't blame me for trying to remember, Kathryn, this may be all I ever have to remember of you this way."
She wanted to look away from him but she was trapped. He was gentle, not restraining her physically in place, but pleading with her to at least hear him out. She had a feeling she should walk away, this careful approach of his was worrying her as to what was to come.
He continued. "I remembered how you responded to me. You kissed me back, Kathryn, you didn't have to, but you did. And you let me stroke and caress you, run my hands over your body. You could have pushed me away, you had the perfect excuse of my condition that meant you could have stopped me without destroying my belief we were married. But you didn't. And in the shower... gods, you were so beautiful. Abandoned and sensual and passionate. And it was me you were thinking of, wasn't it? Don't tell me you were thinking of Mark, or some faceless phantom lover, or even Paris. It was me in your thoughts, me making you come. Kathryn, I love you. I want to make love to you, hold you in my arms at night. All night, every night. I didn't just believe we were lovers in my concussed state, I believed we were married, that we were everything to each other. "
He paused and drew a shuddering breath. She couldn't have looked away to save her life.
"Kathryn, this is your choice. If you tell me truly, from your heart that you feel nothing for me, that what happened between us was a physical reflex and no more then I'll never mention it again. We can go back to being friends. But if, as I hope with all my heart it did mean something to you, that maybe you care about me, that you want me... then I'm going to lead you into that bedroom and make love to you."
She was silent, looking up at him. He wasn't hiding his feelings. There was open longing on his face, hope, and love. How could she crush him? She opened her mouth.
"Chakotay..." It came out as a croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. She knew what she had to say. She had to tell him that what had happened was nothing more then a physical reaction caused by her seven years of celibacy. That any warm, breathing male body would have provoked the same reaction. That all she wanted was to be his friend.
"Chakotay... I..." Her throat closed over and nothing came out.
He was still waiting, still as rock, his face shuttered now as if he could read what she was trying to say.
"I can't... I don't..."
She watched his face crumple slightly. The words still wouldn't come out. She forced them up out through her tight throat.
"I love you."
"Kathryn?" His face opened, incredulity in his expression.
Where had those words come from? She had been trying to say the opposite, when had that turned into 'I love you', even if it was the truth. But she felt calm, happy, certain in the rightness of what she had said. Her throat eased and she smiled at him, laying her heart out for him to take.
"I love you Chakotay."
Surely they weren't tears in his eyes? His mouth was working and he was swallowing hard. He clenched her hands so hard that it hurt.
She reached up and kissed him, tentatively on the mouth. He let go of her hands and enclosed her in his arms and when she would have pulled away, he deepened the kiss. She completely gave herself up to the feel of him, running her hands over his shoulders, down his back, over his buttocks, pulling him closer. Inevitably they had to come up for air.
"Make love to me," she whispered. "I don't want to do it alone any more."
Taking her hand he led her into the bedroom and slowly piece by piece they removed each other's clothes, stopping to kiss and nibble each exposed piece of skin.
He slid his hands slowly over her body, palming her breasts. She felt his fingerpads run up over her hard nipples, trail up her neck to cup the sides of her face. Her eyes searched his face, reading the love and longing hung out like a banner.
"Can we do this?" she asked him, "are you well enough?"
"The Doctor discharged me and told me with a wink that I could now do whatever I wanted with my wife. I didn't appreciate it at the time, I was too worried about what you would do to me next time I saw you."
"Are you still worried," she asked him.
"Only that you'll stop... you won't will you, Kathryn? You'll let me keep on loving you?"
She pulled him down onto the bed.
"If you're a good boy I'll keep you." Fitting her mouth to his she kissed him, groaning as his hand found her breast and his hot fingers crawled with agonizing slowness around and around her nipple. He replaced his fingers with his mouth, licking and sucking his way to the peak. She was panting with open-mouthed abandon even before he took the tip of her breast into his mouth and sucked hard and abruptly.
"Good enough yet?"
She arched against him, pushing her breast into his mouth as she had fantasized about doing that morning. One hand tangled in his hair, the other ran down his chest finding the flat male nipple.
"Ohhh.... Maybe..."
He moved his mouth to her other breast letting his hand trail down her ribcage. The tips of his fingers, each single digit a point of fire scorched over her sensitized flesh. He was not pressing or stroking, barely touching her skin, his fingers were hovering, lightly dancing as he dragged them with agonizing slowness, down, down over her ribs, crawling towards her navel.
She was shuddering under his hands, her abdomen rigid with desire, the deep pit of arousal and tension holding her taut under his skilled fingers. Still his hand kept flickering with heated promise over her skin, down lower over her belly to the tangle of hair between her legs. She was moaning, breathless words of love and pleading, aware only of this moment, his hands, his mouth, still moving on her breast. She kept one hand clutched in his short hair, the other dug short nails into his shoulder. She felt his hand move between her parted thighs for an eternity, fingering the soft skin of her inner thighs, advancing to barely brush the curls of hair, slickly wet and butter soft. Gently he parted her, letting one finger slip inside her.
He lifted his mouth from her breast. "How about now?"
She was gasping, huge pants of air, rough and ragged in the charged silence of the room. She moved her hand down his body, unerringly finding his smooth shaft and moving her fingers along his length as she had dreamed of doing. "Ummm.... Keep trying."
He added a second finger to the first, pistoning them in and out of her slick, wet channel. Then he started moving his thumb on her clitoris, circling slowly, spreading her moisture as he rubbed.
"Now?" He had raised his head so he could watch her face. She tried to concentrate on him, but her eyes kept closing, focusing down, deep down as the waves of sensation in her body came together, building like a tidal wave. Her inner muscles tightened around his relentless fingers and every muscle in her body tensed with the building implosion. He moved his second hand down onto her belly, she felt it hot against her rigid abdomen, her body taut in a bowstring of need.
Her shriek was sudden and piercing, as she orgasmed, tightening around his fingers with sudden strength, feeling the feelings and love and longing come together in a perfect single moment of lucidity before the universe exploded in her head. Her climax rolled over her, contracting and convulsing in waves of sensation. Her upper body stiffened and rose off the bed as she pushed against his fingers.
"Ohhh...." she relaxed down again, her hair over her face, her body slick with sweat.
He swirled his fingers around inside her one final time and moved back up her body and kissed her. She was still gripping his penis, she hoped she hadn't hurt him, but he didn't seem to be complaining, he twitched in her hand.
"Yes," she gasped, when she had her breath back. " I think I'll keep you."
He kissed her jaw and her brow, she suspected as much to distract himself as for her pleasure. He dragged his lips down over her jaw to the curve of her neck.
She pushed him back and let her lips do their own wandering down his body. His skin was smooth, nearly hairless as were many of his race. She suckled a nipple, stroking her hands in descending circles over his belly. Moving slowly, she circled his groin, getting closer and closer to her goal, until she was running her fingers over his testicles and up his shaft. She felt his scrotum contract under her hand, hard and turgid with need. Lightly she stroked his length, iron hard, the head purple and weeping.
"I thought about this," she said to him. "In the shower."
He raised his head to watch her. "Is it as good as you thought?"
"Oh yes... " she sighed.
She bent her head to touch him lightly with her tongue, tasting the clear fluid leaking out of him. She ran her tongue around the head, licking and sucking her way down his shaft. She stretched her mouth over him, tasting his salt and musk, burying her nose in his coarse hair, the strong smell of his arousal overpowering her senses.
"Did you think about this?" He was watching her, even as his hips involuntarily undulated in response to her mouth.
"Ummmm..." She vibrated her mouth over him.
"What else did you think about?"
She raised her head from him. "You. Inside me. Deep inside me." Her eyes were as hot as his.
"We better see how that fantasy measures up."
She lifted her mouth away from him and ran her fingers along his long hard length.
"So far you're off the scale." Her tongue captured a drop of moisture from his slit.
He raised himself up and knelt back on his heels on the bed pulling her towards him so that she was straddling him. He tongued a nipple as he felt between her legs. She couldn't ever remember being so wet and ready for a man.
"How do you want to do this?" he murmured into her breast.
"Every way... any way..." she gasped.
"I want to watch you," he said.
Removing his hand, he shuffled so that he was directly underneath her. She reached down and grasped him, sliding his foreskin up and down slightly, then guiding him to her entrance. He thrust up slightly as she sank down and the tip of him entered her and wedged. She felt herself clasp the head of him and her body stretch to take him in, slightly painful.
"Slow," she gasped. "It's been.... a while."
He held himself still, letting her ease herself down over him. She lowered herself slowly, rising up a little to slide down and take him inside her body, inch by inch.
"Ohhhhhh......." Finally he was deep inside her, she could feel him, not moving, filling her. She started to slide up and down, thigh muscles trembling, letting her body adapt after the long period of chastity. He was burning hot and hard as stone.
He was watching her face, waiting for the moment when the initial discomfort turned to pure pleasure. Only then did he start to move too, thrusting up inside her, holding her buttocks in his hand, grinding her down on him with undisguised enthusiasm. She found he was an energetic lover. He twisted underneath her, his hands and mouth never stilling as he relentlessly drove her up towards her peak. As she accustomed to his size, he became fiercer, thrusting harder and faster, twirling her nipples with his tongue, panting and breathing hard.
He was also noisy. His grunts and pants formed into words. Words of love and words of sex, at once graphic, erotic and tender. She clung to his shoulders and let him lead, feeling the relentless thrusting, so gloriously needy as he pounded and shook inside her.
His words became shouts and he bit down hard on her shoulder. She started to come, clenching down hard around him, her cries matching his. Her inner tightening triggered his climax and he thrust up and up, spilling himself deep into her. She leaned back slightly, accepting the gift of his pleasure, feeling him pulse and throb inside her as he came down from his orgasm.
She sank back down on him, resting her head on his shoulder, hands around his damp back. His lips caressed her neck.
"As good as fantasy?"
"Better. Good thing you're not still wearing the cortical monitor. The Doc would bust a subroutine over your readings" she said, raising her head to look at him.
He stroked his hand down her back, burrowing between her legs, running his fingers around the base of his shaft, still buried within her, slickly wet with their emissions.
She eased herself off him and they lay back together in each others arms, facing each other. Her eyes searched his face, then she traced his lips, his eyes, his cheeks with damp finger tips. Leaning into him, she fitted her lips to his. His eyes were wide open, shining with love and happiness.
He gathered her closer, fitting her into the curve of his body, their skin wet and sticky clinging together.
"Happy, beloved wife?" he asked her.
"Yes. I love you. You?" She stroked his face, delighting in being able to touch him.
"So happy I could bust a subroutine. I love you..."
She smiled. So good to hear the words, freely spoken.
"One thing would make me happier though...."
"What's that?"
"The next time you take a shower... can I watch?"
Feedback? Please. Shayenne
© Shayenne, August 2000 Please email me to post/distribute elsewhere.