TRUTH

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything and everyone. I get nothing from this, except hopefully some feedback.

Rated NC-17

The away mission was going well. Only three of them had beamed down, Chakotay and Tom, accompanied at the last minute by the Captain. The never-ending quest for dilithium had them on the hop again, and this location seemed promising. Sensors had shown a seam of it, located very close to the surface. The mission was a short one - just to retrieve a sample of the ore for B'Elanna to analyze. It wasn't expected to take long.

The planet was a miserable one. The wind was cold, the atmosphere heavy and damp, the light muted and gray. Colors were dimmed and there seemed to be a perpetual shroud of fog everywhere that the strong icy wind did nothing to dissipate.

They located the dilithium seam easily enough. Chakotay shivered as the wind cut through him like a knife, even though he, like all of them was wearing a lightweight thermal insulating layer underneath the obligatory gray turtleneck.

Kathryn, who was ahead, was studying the exposed rocky outcropping that comprised the most accessible part of the seam. She beckoned Tom, who was carrying the core sampler, forward.

"I think just here," she said. "The scan shows good quality ore about eight inches below the rocky cap."

Tom nodded and quickly assembled the sampler and positioned it to start drilling.

Chakotay stood slightly to one side, enjoying the feeling of being out of the ship, even if he was cold, damp and lethargic from the slightly heavier gravity on the planet. He watched Kathryn, who watched Tom, as he deftly maneuvered the heavy equipment into position and started drilling. The rock was hard and progress was slow.

Tom lowered the drill down. "Man, this is heavy. I'm sweating like a pig. Anyone else want a go?"

"Yes, I'll take a turn," said Kathryn. "I could use a little sweat, I'm freezing." She sloshed through the standing water to replace Tom at the drill.

"That's all very well," grumbled Chakotay good-naturedly, "but I was counting on you to warm me up. I'm freezing too. Sorry Tom, but you don't have the same appeal."

Kathryn flashed him a smile. "You'll just have to do aerobics or something. Tom, you must know all about the twentieth century aerobics craze, surely you can come up with something for Chakotay."

"If being cold is all it takes to get the two of you finally cuddling, then I'll just keep drilling," said Tom, and ducked as Kathryn mock-punched him.

"No, you keep Chakotay warm however you see best. I'm going to drill."

She picked up the drill and realigned it with Tom's hole. Chakotay could see the smile on her face, no doubt from listening to Tom lead him through an outrageous set of exercises.

He was chuckling as he followed along with Tom's impromptu aerobics class, half an ear cocked for the sound of Kathryn's drill.

"We're going to tighten that butt! Work those abs, three and four and down, two and three and four. Two hundred of these a day, Chakotay, and you'll have a butt that even the Captain won't be able to resist."

He laughed. "Two hundred of these a day and I'll be too tired to resist the Captain."

He heard the drill falter and Kathryn swear as she tried to free it. More swearing, then a loud crack as something broke.

"Wrecking the equipment, Captain? We'll have to dock your..." he broke off abruptly as he saw Kathryn lying on the ground in a puddle of muddy water, pieces of broken drill around her.

"Tom!" Quickly he knelt beside her, feeling for a pulse, his own breath suddenly coming in shallow gasps as ice cold fingers of dread clutched at his heart. Tom knelt the other side with a tricorder.

"She's OK," he said eventually. "Just out cold. Nothing broken, no major damage. Looks like the bit shattered and a chunk of rock caught her on the temple."

With gentle fingers he probed under her hair and then moved it away from her face to reveal a gash and large, already purpling bruise.

"She's gonna have a hell of a headache when she wakes up."

"Chakotay to Voyager, emergency beam out for the Captain, direct to sick bay."

They waited, but nothing happened.

"Chakotay to Voyager, repeat, emergency beam out direct to sickbay. Tuvok, do you read me?"

"Tuvok here, Commander, weather patterns ... transport... wait." The transmission was lost in a crackle of static.

Chakotay groaned. Then Tuvok's voice came through clearer.

"Commander, there are unusual weather patterns sweeping across the surface. Transporter use would be dangerous. How urgent is the Captain's condition?"

"Completely unconscious from a blow to the head," reported Tom. "Life signs stable, strong pulse but breathing is shallow. Trouble is she got wet and it's very cold down here. If we could get her out it would be good, but it's not life threatening."

"I'll patch you through to sickbay," said Tuvok. "I would prefer not to use the transporters until the electrical activity has ceased. If the Doctor feels the Captain's condition is serious enough to warrant trying then we will. Otherwise, we will leave you down there and beam the three of you out at the first opportunity."

"Acknowledged," said Chakotay.

The line was briefly silent, and then the Doctor came on the link. Succinctly, Tom filled him in.

"My advice is not to try a transport," said the Doctor. "She will probably recover consciousness shortly. In the meantime, keep her as warm as possible - you have your survival kit - use the blankets and body heat to keep her warm. When she regains consciousness she will probably feel nauseous, have a thumping headache, and knowing the Captain, be in a foul mood. Keep her as still as possible, and unless any other injuries are showing up on the tricorder by then, allow her sips of water but no food. As soon as transporters are safe, I'll have the three of you beamed directly to sickbay. Any other questions?"

"No I think that's it Doc. Hopefully we'll see you before nightfall. It's gonna be pretty cold down here."

Tom broke the link. He raised his eyebrows at Chakotay.

"I think I better find somewhere a bit more sheltered for us, dry ground would be nice too."

Chakotay nodded. "Do you think it's safe to move her?"

"Defiantly," said Tom. "She appears to have no other injuries, and she's going to be pretty cold, lying in that puddle. Do as the Doc says, keep her warm." Tom disappeared.

Chakotay crouched and picked up Kathryn, cradling her head against his chest. She was suprisingly heavy in his arms. He felt the coolness of her skin, and noted the faint rise and fall of her chest. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to still the rush of worry. Of course she would be all right - if Tom or the Doc thought there was any danger to her, they would have tried the beam out, foul weather or not. The biggest challenge would be keeping her warm. He squatted, resting against a relatively dry outcropping of rock, enfolding her as close as he could in his arms. He tried to warm her with his body, turning so she was sheltered from the worst of the wind. He told himself he was listening to her breathe when he dropped his head down to her face, pressed up against his uniform, but he knew really he just wanted to feel her close to him. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

Falling rocks alerted him to Tom's return.

"There's a shallow overhang around the corner," Tom reported. "Closed on three sides, dry sandy floor, enough room for the three of us out of the wind. Room for a fire too, if we can find anything to burn."

Chakotay stood up and hunched over protecting Kathryn from the wind, he followed Tom the short distance to the overhang.

"Chateau Rockwall," said Tom. "I'm afraid there's only one room, we're gonna have to share."

He opened his pack and shook out one of the emergency thermal blankets and laid it on the ground. "Here, we'll use one underneath her, and the other two on top."

Gently Chakotay laid her on the ground and they put the other two blankets over her. Tom ran the tricorder over her.

"She's stable, still unconscious, but her body temperature's dropping. One of us should warm her with body heat; the other can light the fire. Wanna draw straws?"

Chakotay summoned up a small smile. "I'll pull rank over you on this, Tom. You get the fire. But first, I think we should get her out of that wet uniform."

"Not so dumb, Chakotay. We should have done that first. Hey big man, all your fantasies are coming true today - you got your cuddle, now you get to take her clothes off."

"It's not a joke, Tom. She's hurt. Stow it can you."

He pulled the blankets off Kathryn. Already they could see she was starting to shiver and she was deathly pale.

Chakotay undid the fastener of the jumpsuit and gently eased first one then the other of her arms out of it. "Tom, give us a hand here will you."

Tom came over and supported her, whilst Chakotay eased the sodden material down off her, pulling away the waterlogged boots and easing the jumpsuit over her legs.

Tom looked at her. "Chakotay, don't take this the wrong way, but you know the drill right? Cold survival - wear as little clothes as possible to get maximum body heat. Those thermals have to go, and you gotta strip too, big guy."

Chakotay just nodded, and together they removed the lightweight thermals, leaving Kathryn in her bra and panties.

Tom whistled. "If those are Starfleet issue then I'm a Klingon."

Against his will, Chakotay chuckled. Tom was just trying to keep the mood light and their spirits up. Quickly he stripped down to his boxers and turning Kathryn onto her side, he spooned around her, wrapping his arms around her, careful not to touch her breasts. He pulled the blankets over them, and Tom pulled them further over their heads, and carefully tucked them in.

"Night children," his irrepressible voice said to them. "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite." Then he grew serious. "Keep the blankets over your heads, Chak. Over a third of heat loss is through the head. I'm going to see about a fire."

The sound of his feet moved off.

In the gloom of the blanket cave, Chakotay concentrated on Kathryn. The gentle rise and fall of her breathing reassured him, but her skin felt cool and damp. He rubbed his hands down her arms, trying to warm her and tucked her closer to him, so that her damp bottom pushed against his groin. He lay there, willing himself not to get excited. He told himself that she was hurt, and that she was only here in his arms because of that. She would never be here willingly. He let his worry for her condition seep through him, and his excitement subsided, replaced by love, concern, and a tinge of fear.

She was still cold. He ran his hands down her legs and over her stomach, trying to infuse his warmth into her. Footsteps again. Tom was back.

"Found some fire stuff," called Tom. "Now lets see if I can start a fire better then Indian Boy."

He was whistling as he rustled, presumably rooting around in his pack for the magnesium fire starters. A short time later, Chakotay heard the comforting crackle of a small fire.

"That's better." Tom sounded pleased with himself.

"Tom, once you're happy with the fire, you better get in here. Kathryn's still cold, and you won't be warm enough by yourself out there."

"I was hoping you'd say that. It's freezing out here." Swiftly he stripped off, and came crawling in underneath the blankets on the other side of Kathryn.

"Hey Chakotay, save my sorry butt and tell B'Elanna for me that you ordered me to take off all my clothes and crawl in next to the Captain will ya?"

Tom shuffled around; trying to fit his arms and legs in the confined space. His eyes met Chakotay's over Kathryn's head.

"If you don't mind," he said awkwardly, "can you turn the Captain so that she's facing you, not me? I think if she wakes up she would rather find her face planted in your chest rather than mine."

Chakotay rolled her over, and enveloped her in his arms again. Her face was now pressed against his chest, his chin in her hair. He lifted a leg and wrapped it around her hips, trying to infuse the maximum warmth into her. He heard the chirp of the tricorder.

"She's OK," said Tom. "Still colder then she should be, but stable."

He put the tricorder down and moved closer. "Sorry Captain, I doubt you'd want this if you were awake, but you haven't got much choice."

He slid down and pressed his face into her back, wrapping his arms around her, below Chakotay's and pressing his legs up close to hers. One hand encountered a warm hairy thigh.

"Either she doesn't shave her legs or this is your hairy part, Chak," he muttered as he moved his hand.

They were silent in the gloom of the blankets.

"Well, what shall we talk about? " said Chakotay. "And don't suggest Truth or Dare."

"Wanna tell me what's going on between you and her?"

"No."

"That was a short conversation. Any other ideas?"

"Tell me about you and B'Elanna. It's obvious you're happy together. Any future plans?"

"I don't think this is the best subject either, given how close I'm lying to the Captain. B'Elanna is a very, ...er stimulating thought. I'd hate for the Captain to wake up in the middle of it."

There was a silence during which they both tried to get comfortable on the hard ground. Chakotay brushed a kiss to her hair. Please Kathryn my love, he thought, wake up, please wake up.

He opened his eyes to see Tom regarding him in the gloom.

"She'll be all right," he said quietly.

There was a silence then Tom spoke again. "Chakotay, in the Maquis, did you and B'Elanna ever..." he tailed off.

"You should be asking B'Elanna that, not me," Chakotay stated quietly. "I'm not one to tell tales."

"I already have. She already told me. I just wanted to know your side."

"Why? You want to compare notes? Or are you testing to see if B'Elanna told the truth?"

"No, I trust her. I guess I just wondered if there was more to it on your side then she thinks. I guess 'cos I'm crazy in love with her, I can't understand how you weren't."

"Oh." Chakotay digested that in silence, then he continued. "B'Elanna is ... B'Elanna was... I guess what I'm trying to say is B'Elanna is a very dear friend. I love her as a friend, not as a lover. I care about her. I'm glad she's happy with you, and she is, don't ever doubt it. In the Maquis you take your pleasure when you can, fleeting and intense. We were never lovers... we did kiss, and I guess if the spark was there we might have gone on to become lovers but it wasn't, so we didn't force it. I'm glad we didn't, I might have lost a very dear friend."

"That's pretty much how she put it too. She loves you too, Chak, but as your buddy."

Another silence. Then Tom again, uncharacteristically hesitant. "Is that why you and the Captain have never become lovers? You don't want to lose a friend? Or have you tried it and there is no spark."

Chakotay debated whether to answer, then sighed. "Oh, there's a spark alright. Gods, if we ever break that barrier I think it's going to be an inferno. No. You know the reason she won't... we won't. It's the ship, that dammed ship. Protocol. How I hate that word. The crew. How I hate you guys at times..." Chakotay's voice rose slightly.

He took a steadying breath and made a deliberate attempt to lighten the mood.

"I love her so much... and my first night with her in my arms, you're here and she's unconscious."

Tom answered him slowly. "And does she love you?"

"I don't know. I think so. But she won't say it, won't let it get to the point where she has to stop me."

He ducked his head and buried his face in her hair again, feeling her breath in light moist puffs on his chest.

"I don't know why I'm telling this to you of all people. I'm worried about her. But Tom, " his voice hardened. "If I hear this, ANY of this repeated in gossip, the betting pool, or on Breakfast with Neelix, then you're in the brig and I mean it."

Tom was unusually serious. "This is between you and me, big man. No one else, I swear it. I wouldn't stomp on your feelings like that. Well, maybe I'll tell B'Ella, 'cos she cares about you too."

"She knows most of it already. I have to talk to some one from time to time."

"Chak, surely she knows the crew want you to be happy? We've tried to set you up together often enough."

"Yes, that's made it worse. She thinks you're all teasing and she doesn't want to be the butt of the joke. Not that particular joke anyway. Other things, fine, she's got a sense of humor like the rest of us, but to be honest, all your attempts - locking us in the holodeck, the Christmas mistletoe, they all make it worse. Do you think we don't know you ask the computer for our whereabouts at night? Or count the times she touches me on the bridge? Or how often we eat dinner together in her quarters? I know you mean well, but you're making it worse."

"I'm sorry. I'll call the hounds off. We tried to do the opposite. Let you both know it was okay if you became lovers. Got close. Were happy."

Tom shifted position, moving closer to Kathryn's back. His knees bumped the back of her legs.

She moaned slightly.

"She's waking up." Tom retrieved the tricorder and ran it over her.

"She's warm enough, but she's not awake yet. It's now more like she's just deeply asleep."

"Should we try and wake her?"

"No, let her stay asleep. She's gonna have a hell of a headache, and we have nothing to alleviate it. Better she stays asleep."

Kathryn stirred slightly in his arms.

"Chakotay..." Her voice was slurred and groggy.

He tightened his arms around her.

"Chakotay..." Stronger now, but still slurred.

"Ssshh, I'm here Kathryn, it's me holding you. You hit your head."

She had been struggling slightly in his hold, but she quieted when she heard his words.

"Chakotay, I'm dreaming. Hold me please."

He stroked his arms over hers and then wrapped them around her shoulders again, cradling her to his chest. Her lips vibrated against his chest when she spoke.

"Try to keep her still," murmured Tom. "Movement will make her headache worse and she will wake up sooner."

He stroked and soothed her, speaking reassurances and words of comfort in a soft voice. Her arms moved from where they were tucked between them and she touched his face.

"Why won't you kiss me?"

Her voice was clearer and Tom heard the words.

"Looks like Christmas has come early this year."

Chakotay groaned. Kathryn's hands were stroking his face and she was pressing open-mouthed kisses to his chest. He knew she wasn't awake, but the feeling of her stroking him as she had only done in his dreams was making it hard to remain distanced from the situation.

"Chakotay, please.... Kiss me." She started to struggle in his hold.

"Chak, just kiss her," said Tom. "Don't let her struggle like that."

Chakotay bent his head and brushed his lips to hers, gentle featherlight touches, brushing her lips, her eyes, and her brow.

She snuggled back against his chest.

"I love you." She said the words clearly in the silence.

"I don't think she's talking to me," said Tom wryly.

"Please, make love to me."

Chakotay closed his eyes in anguish. This was getting worse by the minute. Not only had Kathryn said that she loved him in front of Tom, but she was pleading in a broken voice for him to love her, make love to her. He did the only thing he could think of. He ran his hands soothingly over her back, her hair, her face.

"I love you, Kathryn, you know that, I love you more then life itself, but we can't make love here. You've been hurt, we're trapped, Tom's here, keeping you warm too. Relax my love, go back to sleep. I'm here, holding you. I won't let you go." His voice ran on in the darkness and he ducked his head and kissed the top of her head. She raised her face up to his. Her eyes were open, but glittering feverishly in the dim light. He kissed her softly on the lips, soothing her to sleep again, and he hypnotically stroked her, caressing her.

Part of him delighted in touching her like this; her skin was so soft. She snuggled so trustingly into him as if she really did love him. He allowed a small part of his mind to pretend that it was real and she was lying with him as his lover.

Her breathing quieted again and she was still.

Tom still had the tricorder.

"She's asleep," he reported, then let his breath out in a gusty sigh.

"Whew, Chak. Deep stuff." Then more gently, "You really do love her like that don't you? All encompassing, more then life, enough to just be beside her when she won't accept more."

"Enough to hope we get beamed out soon, this is killing me. Imagine if this was B'Elanna, Tom, who had just said she loved you - at a time when you knew she couldn't really mean it, and won't remember it when she wakes."

"The mind's a funny thing though. Times like this all sorts of buried stuff come to the forefront. She probably means it."

"Neither you, nor I are going to mention it though. To anyone. Especially to her. Understood?"

"Yeah, I know. The brig."

"Right, the brig. Think you can sleep a bit?"

"I'll try. Let's hope we wake up on Voyager."