Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm only playing!



LIFELINE
by Sheri
Rated NC17

The events of the day seemed to be going in slow motion, all rolling into one, long, agonizing time for Chakotay.  He should be concentrating on the ships, now buzzing around Voyager and letting out shots that didn't do much harm, yet were putting a huge drain on ship's systems but he couldn't. All he could think about was the fact that communications were currently out and Captain Kathryn Janeway was lying in sickbay, possibly dying and he had to be here on the bridge.

=^=

It had all started that morning, and the details were still not complete, yet he knew this much: Kathryn and her away team beamed down to a seemingly deserted planet that possibly offered a great deal of much needed food stuffs for them. Kathryn wandered away from the others but was still within sight distance of Tom Paris.

She was by the edge of a small lake when she let out a scream. Tom ran, only to find her unconscious. He immediately beamed her back to Voyager, as he barked orders for others to be careful but scan the area to find out what had happened.

When Kathryn arrived in sickbay, she was in critical condition, her heart was failing, her brain activity was minimal. Chakotay wanted to get down to sickbay but that's when the little ships appeared and began firing on Voyager all at once.

One of the first things they hit was communications, so the last update he had was when Ayala came to the bridge, telling him that the Doc and Tom were doing everything they could for the captain but it didn't look promising.

Chakotay felt he should be there with her, holding her hand, letting her know that she didn't have to do this alone. She was his best friend and here he was, sitting on the bridge, when she was in sickbay, possibly dying.

Kathryn was his friend, his best friend at that. Despite what others may think, she was the one person he could call a true friend. Yes, at one time he may have wanted more, much more but now they had fallen into a comfortable relationship that neither wanted to break.

Kathryn had been happy for him when he told her of his relationship with Ensign Carter. She hugged him close, telling him how happy she had been for him, still demanding their weekly dinners saying Samantha would not take that from her.  She had been supportive when he and Samantha had a fight, giving him pointers on how to get back in Samantha's good graces, never once showing the jealousy that lingered.

=^=

Voyager and the smaller ships played the game of cat and mouse for nearly two hours before the tiny ships gave up.  Chakotay barked orders to various crewmembers and stood, planning on heading to sickbay when his COMM badge beeped. He jumped slightly but hit it to hear who it was, "Chakotay here."

"Just wanted to let you know that communications are back up," said B'Elanna. "We're working on the rest but that will take some time. I have injured down here."

"Good job, B'Elanna. Take care of your injured first," said Chakotay before cutting off that signal.

As soon as the line was closed he hit his badge again, "Chakotay to the Doctor. How is she?"

There was a momentary silence before the Doctor spoke and nearly shattered Chakotay's world, "I'm sorry, sir, she didn't make it."

Chakotay fell back into his seat. "How long…"

"Nearly an hour ago. With no communications and wounded coming in…"

"I understand, Doctor. I'll be down as soon as I can," he said. Chakotay closed his eyes briefly, fighting back the tears and the anger that threatened to break loose. He then stood and looked around the bridge; they had all heard. Harry was busy punching in various things on his console, but Chakotay didn't miss the tears freely falling from his eyes.  The ensign assigned to CON was sniffling, obviously crying too, and Tuvok -- did he actually see emotion cross the Vulcan's face?

"You have the bridge, Tuvok. I'll be in sickbay," said Chakotay before he quietly walked off the bridge and into the turbo lift.

As he exited the lift he was stopped by Samantha who, despite decorum, threw her arms around him, "I'm so sorry, Chakotay."

Chakotay returned the hug and nodded, not quite trusting his words but pulled back and managed a small smile and a thank you.

"If you need me, just call," she said before extracting herself from his arms and walking away.

Chakotay finally reached the sickbay doors and paused, taking a deep breath he stepped forward, triggering the automatic doors and stepped in. He saw her immediately, in the back. It had to be her on the biobed with the sheet drawn over her.

B'Elanna stepped up to him, "I came to check on Carey. He had been hurt… I can't believe this…I don't…"

Chakotay hushed her with his finger, drawing her into his arms, "We'll get through this, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna nodded and began to step away but felt his hand grab her arm, "would you stay while…"

"Of course," she said, patting his hand.

Chakotay stepped away from B'Elanna, nodding to the other crewmen who were obviously just as stunned as he. They were obviously here to treat various injuries yet didn't seem to be in any hurry, too much in shock to care about themselves.  He finally reached the biobed and reached out, grabbing a fistful of the sheet that covered Kathryn. He took one deep breath, then two, willing himself to stay calm before pulling back the sheet.

The tears came, cascading down his cheeks. Kathryn looked so peaceful, as if she were just sleeping. His eyes moved to her chest, praying to his spirits to make it rise and fall, but it did not happen. He reached for her hand, so small and delicate, still slightly warm to the touch, his fingers lightly grazing over hers -- an intimate gesture the two of them knew so well. "I'm so sorry Kathryn, I should have been here," he cried.

Chakotay could feel a hand on his back, and thought it must be B'Elanna offering her silent support. He leaned in close to Kathryn, taking in her scent for one last time. "I will get them home," he whispered before closing his eyes and lightly placing his lips on hers in a final kiss goodbye. From somewhere he heard a gasp and he opened his eyes, whirling around expecting to it to have come B'Elanna. At the same time he felt pressure on his hand, still firmly holding onto Kathryn's.

Chakotay couldn't speak as he stared down into Kathryn's frightened eyes as she gasped for breath, her small hands tightening on his, her lips trying to form words. The Doctor was immediately by her side, placing a mask over her face, forcing oxygen into her lungs, silencing the monitors as they screamed the evidence that Kathryn was once again among the living.  He still held tightly onto her hand, allowing her to squeeze it almost painfully; it was the one thing that told him that this wasn't all a dream.

"I don't understand. She was dead. All the instruments… Commander, please I would have never…" started the Doctor, still shocked over his patient's sudden recovery.

"I know, Doctor, just help her," he said, his eyes still locked with hers, letting her know, this time, he wouldn't leave her side.

Minutes passed, he wasn't sure how many, before the Doctor reached up and pulled off the air mask, "She's breathing more easily now," he informed Chakotay. "Captain, how are you feeling?"

"What… happened?" she asked quietly, her throat still dry.

Chakotay spoke, "We aren't exactly sure yet. Don't worry about it. What's important is your okay now."

He noticed how the rest of the crew still in sickbay gathered around expressing their relief that she had recovered. Some were still crying although now they were tears of happiness over her unprecedented recovery.

The Doctor began shooing the crew away, dismissing those he had given a clean bill of health. He worked around Chakotay for the next twenty minutes but then decided enough was enough. "My patient needs her rest, Commander. And I need to get to work to find out exactly what happened, " he said, pointing towards the door. "I promise, I'll call you the minute I know anything."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn one last time before straightening up and walking away. "I get the hint. I'll be on the bridge if you need me."

Chakotay was out the door and almost to the turbolift when his badge beeped and Tom could be heard, "Get back in here, Commander, we have a problem!"

Chakotay ran back down the corridor and stepped through the door to sickbay to see the Doctor working frantically over Kathryn. The machines by the bed told Chakotay that Kathryn's heart had stopped again.  He ran back to her bed, grabbing her hand. "Don't die on me, Kathryn," he cried.

The instant his hand made contact, her heart once again started, quickly resuming a normal rhythm.  "What the hell is going on here?" he shouted.

"I don't know," said the Doctor, scanning Kathryn once again, searching for an answer.

Tom spoke up, "This reminds me of something. Chakotay, if you would allow me, can you step out of the room again, but don't go any farther."

"Tom? What? " Chakotay asked.

"Well, there was a case I remember reading about. On the Enterprise, when Captain Picard and his chief Medical Officer were connected by a neural interface. They couldn't leave each other's sides," Tom explained.

"Yes, I do remember that," said Chakotay. "But if you're right and I leave…"

"You'll come right back in and she'll be okay. Come on, this is a crazy idea, so we just have to rule it out," said Tom. He leaned towards Kathryn, "Captain, are you okay with us doing this?"

Kathryn nodded, clearly wanting an explanation, too.

Chakotay reluctantly agreed and headed for the door, pausing for a moment before exiting sickbay.  He nervously paced waiting for the call and got it only a minute later. "Better get back in here," called Tom.

Chakotay returned to sickbay to see the same scene as before. He made the same contact, grabbing her hand and watched as Kathryn's eyes opened and she once again gasped for breath. Chakotay turned to the Doctor, "I want an explanation and now."

=^=

Chakotay felt a hand touching his hair, nudging him out of his sleep. He groaned as he sat up, his back aching from sleeping hunched over leaning on the edge of Kathryn's bed. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said softly.

He smiled at her, still half asleep. "How are you feeling?"

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, just fine."

Chakotay turned to see the Doctor in his office, hunched over the computer. "Has he found out anything?"

"Well, yes and no. There is a faint signal between us. Tom called it a lifeline for lack of a better word. They still have no explanation for it but it's definitely there," said Kathryn, reaching for a nearby computer console and showing Chakotay the evidence they had recorded earlier.

"Why didn't the signal…? I don’t know, activate you when I walked in the room? Why did it require me to touch you?" asked Chakotay.

Kathryn sighed, "I don't know. Right now, for whatever reason, it's the signal keeping me alive. Tom is right, it's a lifeline all right. Maybe the signal is amplified by touch, but until we figure this out, if we figure this out, you can't even leave the room I'm in without…"

Chakotay looked down, remembering just what happened when he left the room. He finally shook his head and spoke. "Has Seven reported back with the scans of the planet?" he asked.

"So far she hasn't found many unusual factors but there are higher energy readings coming from the area where we were, but they don't explain this," she said. "Chakotay, what are we going to do? How can we live like this? What about Samantha?"

"Kathryn, calm down. Let's take this one day at a time. You're my best friend and if it takes me staying by your side for the rest of our lives, then that's what we'll do," he said reassuringly. "And Samantha, well, we'll figure that out, too. It will be all right; it has to be."

Kathryn took a deep breath. "I want to go back to my quarters," she stated adamantly.

"Somehow I don't think that's going to be possible for a while," said Chakotay. "Never mind the fact that you were dead not too long ago, we have to make sure this isn't something temporary. We also have some things to discuss, like where am I going to live?"

Kathryn looked down. "That's right. You can't…well, the couch isn't going to be nice on a permanent basis and…"

"Kathryn, on a permanent level there are many things we can do. Let's worry about keeping you alive for now. How far apart can we be? Obviously behind doors is a limit but in an open space? Through doorways?" he said.

"Chakotay, this is so unfair to you. How you can accept having to put up with this is beyond me," she said woefully.

"We don't have to go through this again. You're my friend, my best friend," he began. "I almost lost you -- for a while I did lose you," he said, his voice choking up.

"There wasn't coffee in the afterlife, Chakotay. I decided that I had to come back." Chakotay grinned briefly but then her face assumed a more serious look, "Chakotay, this goes way beyond the call of friendship and you know it."

Chakotay stepped closer to the biobed, his hand reaching out to caress her cheek. "Not for me, it doesn't. This ship is a much better place with you in it. I will do anything to keep it that way."

Kathryn closed her eyes briefly, leaning into his hand before settling back onto the bio bed. "I'm exhausted. I'm sorry, but I think I need a nap."

"Kathryn Janeway taking a nap, well there is a first for everything," he said with a chuckle. "Sleep well, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, thanks again," she said softly before settling into the pillows and closing her eyes.

Chakotay watched for a moment then moved to the doctor's office. He needed to make arrangements for a staff meeting and let everyone know there were going to be some big changes on Voyager.

=^=

Chakotay had just finished talking to Tuvok when he looked up to see Samantha standing in the doorway. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself," she said with a smile. "You've had quite an adventure."

"So you've heard," he said, looking over at Kathryn.

"Yes, you know news travels at warp ten around this ship. It's great that she's alive, but…."

"I know. It is a bit overwhelming," Chakotay admitted. "Not that I would change it. It means her life, so I'm fine but…"

"I don't think I can even imagine this. So, can you ever leave her side?" asked Samantha.

"Right now, no, it doesn't look like it. We still have a lot to work out. There's a lot we don't know," he said. "Sam, one wrong move, one wrong thing I do and it would…."

Sam wrapped her arms around Chakotay, "Do you think you can handle this?"

"I have to, Sam," said Chakotay. "The alternative is something that I don't think I could deal with. I know this means a lot of changes but I can handle it."

"I know you can, but can we?".

Chakotay closed his eyes. "Please, Sam, can we talk about this later. I know it's a lot to think about all at once but there isn't much we can do right now. It's Kathryn's life I have to think about. I didn't ask for this but neither did she."

"Okay, Chakotay, but if you want to talk, just call me," she said before quickly making her exit.

Chakotay shook his head. The reality for him and Sam was that they might no longer be able to make a relationship work. How could he have a relationship with another woman when the one he still carried feelings for would be by his side, or at least in the same room, possibly for the rest of his life. He liked Samantha, he liked her a lot. Kathryn had laughed when they started dating commenting on the fact that there he was with another blonde, but in reality Kathryn really liked her. Samantha was a scientist, just like Kathryn, her blue eyes sparkled showing everyone just how special a person she was.  There was something about her that everyone liked, especially him.  He never imagined falling in love with someone other than Kathryn, but Samantha was quickly finding a place in his heart.

Chakotay wasn't sure how long it would last. He knew Sam also had feelings for someone else, someone she felt was out of her reach, too. It always made him laugh how they had found each other even when their hearts belonged to someone else.  Just like Chakotay and Kathryn, Sam felt Jack was her best friend but could never be more. The two of them dated other people and kept their friendship strong, never crossing that line.

Chakotay was happy when he told Kathryn about Sam and she enveloped him in her arms telling him how happy she was for him.  Sam, unlike a few others he had dated, wasn't jealous of his friendship with Kathryn. Not that she had any reason to be, but for some reason, any time he took someone else out on a date it seemed they seemed to be obsessed with finding out what his relationship really was with the captain.

Chakotay's thoughts were interrupted when Tuvok appeared in front of him. "How are you faring, Commander?"

"I'm fine, Tuvok," he said. "Have you been to see Kathryn?"

"Yes, she is still asleep but the Doctor says she is doing fine," he answered.

"Yes, as if there is nothing wrong. This has to be one of the strangest things I've ever experienced," said Chakotay.

"Yes, I cannot say I've ever heard of a similar circumstance," said Tuvok.  "I trust that you are going to want temporary quarters set up in the Captain's?"

"We have to talk to her about it, but what choice do we have?" he said. "Hers are larger and they will have everything she'll need."

"The Doctor has been researching this phenomenon non stop. He still cannot find any reason for it. We are back in orbit of the planet but scans are not detecting anything we hadn't found during our initial scans. We already knew that any former inhabitants had vacated the planet long ago," explained Tuvok.

"What about ruins? Didn't we pick up signs of a former town?" asked Chakotay.

"I am still not comfortable sending down an away team considering what has happened with the captain, but yes, we have also scanned the ruins but are finding nothing of any significance," said Tuvok.

"Any signs of our friends?" asked Chakotay.

"No, they have not returned," said Tuvok.

The Doctor interrupted them, letting them know the captain was awake and the others had arrived. They spent the next couple of hours discussing what they found and all their options

=^=

Kathryn stood eyeing her quarters, doing her best to not comment about what she saw. "I know, Captain, but…"

"Chakotay, it's just going to take some getting used to," she said. Temporary quarters had been set up for Chakotay in her living area by removing her couch and setting up Chakotay's bed next to the wall, with a small partition surrounding the bed. The doctor felt that Kathryn would still be ok with Chakotay having the wall, since it didn't go all the way up to the ceiling, but he still made sure no door was put on. In the rest of the quarters, the doors had been disabled to prevent them from closing. They had run a few tests and discovered, in an open area, Kathryn and Chakotay could be approximately twenty feet apart for Kathryn began to feel the affects. They figured they could safely traverse her quarters and still maintain a little privacy without risking Kathryn.

Chakotay noticed her desk had also been moved over to the opposite wall and a small desk placed just outside his makeshift bedroom, giving them both a workstation. "I'm sorry, so much has been changed."

"Chakotay, stop it. You're sacrificing a hell of a lot more than I am. I can live with a little rearranging." Kathryn smiled, "So it's a little cozy, we'll live with…" She stopped in mid-sentence, realizing just how true the words were. "Oh god," she said, not realizing she had spoken out loud as she sank into a nearby chair.

Chakotay quickly moved to her side. "Kathryn," he began, "don't worry. We can do this."

She got up and walked around to the opening of his room and peered in. "Chakotay, you don't even have an aisle here."

"All I have to do is sleep. I don't need any aisles. Kathryn, if the doctor doesn't find any other solution, then maybe we can put an opening between our quarters. It would take some rearranging but we could set it up so I could have more room and we could still keep an open door where we need one," said Chakotay.

"We just may have to consider that," said Kathryn. "You know, maybe we should have them begin to work on that. We can always block off the door if the Doctor finds a cure. I won't have you living in such a small room."

Chakotay sighed. "We'll work it out. Well, I do need to get some of my things," he said. He got up and moved to the door before pausing. "I guess you have to come with me."

Kathryn stood and followed him. They made it to his quarters without incident. Once inside his quarters, Chakotay told Kathryn to make herself comfortable while he went into the bedroom to get his things. He pressed the button for his door to open and stepped in without thought. He almost didn't register the gasp he heard as his door began to close and Kathryn flew towards the door. He was faster, his hand darted out to stop the door but the panicked look on her face nearly brought him to tears. "Kathryn, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she said, slightly breathless. "You know, we didn't really experiment around the quarters, we just did one big open area. Do you think we can be in another room safely?"

"Let's find out," said Chakotay. "Here, have a seat on the bed. I have to use the bathroom anyway."

Chakotay entered the bathroom, this time making sure the door remained open, took care of business then peeked back out the door to see Kathryn smiling back at him. "Well, at least that means I can have a bath in private."

Chakotay smiled back. "Okay, why don't you go into the living room while I pack my bathroom stuff."

Kathryn did as he suggested, slowly walking away, smiling to herself, as she noticed no difference in how she felt. She moved to the far end of his living room. "I'm as far as I'm going to get. Step in the shower."

"The shower, Kathryn?" he asked.

"It's the farthest point from where I am and my quarters aren't much different," she called back.

"I'm in," he called back.

"Okay, no problem. That's that. Get your stuff and leave those doors open," she said, settling onto his couch to wait until he was finished.

=^=

Their first night together was uneventful. They took turns getting ready for their shifts and both left to go to the bridge.

Of course, the Doctor was not at all happy with Kathryn returning to work but as usual she didn't bother listening to him. Chakotay wasn't in the mood to argue with her and actually agreed with her. Except for the awkwardness of learning to live with each other, she was doing fine. He also saw no reason to keep them cooped up in her quarters when they could be busy doing other things.

Once they arrived on the bridge they both moved to their perspective chairs and sat down, doing their best to ignore the stares of the bridge crew. Finally Kathryn could stand it no longer. She stood and turned to face her crew, "I know this is going to be difficult but could we please just act as if there is nothing unusual happening?"

"We just. …Well, are you okay?" asked Harry.

"I'm fine, really. Except for the fact that I have a shadow," she smiled turning to Chakotay, "or vise versa. I feel just I always have. We have already experimented with a few things and seem to know a bit more about this connection we have. First of all, I do need the door to my ready room disabled. Harry, have B'Elanna send someone up from engineering to deal with that now. Secondly, treat the Commander and me as you always have and get back to work."

Harry nodded then turned to his console, punched a few buttons and the door to the ready room flew open. "There you go, Captain, This will have to do until engineering gets up here."

Kathryn sat back down, "Thank you, Harry. Now, report."

Once the crew had completed their reports, Kathryn got up and went to the ready room, hoping to give herself and Chakotay a little time away from each other. She plopped down on her chair, leaning on the desk and closing her eyes. She knew there were reports to read, but for just a brief moment she wanted to forget about them. "They don't get done like that."

Her head shot up to see Chakotay standing in the doorway. "Hello, was there something I could do for you?"

"No, not at all," he said with a smile before producing a tray from behind his back, "Neelix brought up some goodies for the bridge and I thought I would give you first choice."

Kathryn smiled at him as he approached her. She took what looked to be a fruit tart then sat back down. "Thanks, now go share."

Chakotay nodded at her and left.

=^=

They days wore on, one falling into the next as the crew and Kathryn and Chakotay adjusted to all the changes. For the crew, it wasn't much of an adjustment since they always saw the command team together, whether it was on the bridge or in the mess hall.

So far, the connection remained in place with no complications for Kathryn. Over time, Kathryn could tell that Chakotay's temper was running short which she suspected was mainly due to his lack of time spent with Sam. It wasn't so much that he couldn't be with her, it was more that they didn't have the privacy that the two had been enjoyed before, and he was holding back.

Kathryn wasn't sure what to do about that problem. She didn't like the fact that she was interfering with their relationship, and she felt just as uncomfortable being the third wheel when they ate dinner.

It was late one night and Kathryn had finally crawled into bed after spending hours on reports. As usual, she lay there for a while, waiting for sleep to come. How ironic that she felt herself drifting off just as the door to her quarters rang.  Kathryn was about to get up and get it when she heard Chakotay moving about, so she settled back on the bed and let sleep take over.

Kathryn's eyes flew open. She wasn't sure how long she had been sleeping or what had awakened her. She listened for a moment, trying to find what it had been when she realized she was aroused, very aroused. She squirmed slightly on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position and too aware of Chakotay's presence in the next room to take care of the problem.. If she could fall back asleep, maybe it would go away.

Just as Kathryn forced her eyes closed, she heard the moan coming from the other room, the moan of a woman clearly enjoying herself. It was followed by a groan, obviously from Chakotay. Kathryn gasped as she felt the tingle begin, settling between her legs then suddenly exploding as she also heard Chakotay cry out. He had obviously come at the same time. She reached down between her legs, feeling her damp underwear, still in shock over how it had happened. The only possible explanation was that Chakotay was in his little nook, having intimate relations with Sam and thanks to their little connection, she felt what he felt.

Kathryn had suspected this a few days earlier, feeling what he was feeling but had shrugged it off. Chakotay was having a particular grumpy day and no matter what Kathryn did, she couldn’t help but feel tense. She didn’t completely understand until she watched Chakotay a bit closer: it wasn’t so much that she too felt grumpy but when a person is grumpy or agitated, their blood pressure goes up, causing a myriad of symptoms, symptoms that Kathryn could now feel thanks to Chakotay.. Now Kathryn knew they had to discuss the connection, but how was she going to talk to him about it? Should she walk up to him and tell him 'Thanks, Chakotay. I enjoyed your visit with Sam as much as you did.' No, that was not the best way to approach it, but it had to be approached. There was no doubt about that. A plan was forming in Kathryn's mine, slightly unorthodox, but it might just do the trick and she wouldn't have to bring up the subject.

Kathryn waited until the following night before putting her plan into action. She told Chakotay that she wanted a bath. Chakotay simply nodded at her as he worked on the duty roster.

Kathryn moved into the bathroom, removed her clothes and slowly lowered herself into the steaming hot water with a sigh. She washed her hair and body, then settled back in the tub, propping one leg up on the side to give her hand better access. She thought for a moment that maybe it didn't go both ways, maybe he would feel nothing, but she had to find out.

Kathryn testily moved her hands down her body, slowly caressing her breast, then moving lower until she reached her auburn curls. She quickly began the motions, stimulating herself, trying to keep quiet as her orgasm built up. She finally came, sighing with relief as the sensations washed over her. She smiled to herself when she heard Chakotay in the other room. He had definitely felt something. Now maybe it was time for that talk. She got out of the tub, dried herself and threw on her nightgown and robe.

Kathryn walked into the living room to find it empty. "Chakotay?"

"Just a minute," he called out from behind his partition. He came out, dressed in something more casual, carrying a bundle of dirty clothes that he quickly deposited in the recycler.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

Chakotay still looked bewildered. "Yes, of course."

Kathryn tried not to smile. She knew she shouldn't have done what she did without warning him but at the time it seemed easier than trying to explain things. "You didn't have something … unusual happen just now, did you?"

Chakotay whirled around to face her. "How did you know?"

Kathryn bit her lower lip. "Maybe because I had that same experience last night.."

Chakotay folded his arms against his chest. "Maybe you should explain. You knew I would… well."

"Come in your pants?  I suspected you would, yes I'm sorry. This was a rather crude way to bring this quirk in our connection to your attention, but I though it might be more effective than trying to explain it."

"You said last night's experience? What exactly do you mean?," said Chakotay, clearly a little frustrated.

She shook her head, "I guess I'm not explaining anything here. Okay, a few days ago, I couldn’t shake this tense feeling. I couldn’t explain it, I woke up feeling fine but as the day moved on, the more tense I felt; I only noticed later that you weren’t in the best of moods. Last night I woke up to, ah, well, extreme arousal, then release and I also heard you in your bed with Sam."

"Oh god, I'm sorry," said Chakotay. "But you felt… shared my arousal?"

"Yes," said Kathryn relieved that he had finally understood the nature of the connection.

Chakotay moved over to his desk and sat down putting his head in his hands. "I'm sorry. When she showed up we just couldn't help ourselves. It had been so long and…."

Kathryn moved over to him, leaning over the desk and pulling his hands away from his face. "Chakotay, no. I'm sorry. You finally found a woman that you really like, hell, I really like her and than this happens and the two of you are basically torn apart. It's not fair to you to have to hold off on your relationship."

Chakotay looked up at Kathryn. "And it's not fair to you to be dragged around as a third wheel while I go off and enjoy myself. Now, to top it all off, you literally feel how I feel?"

Kathryn sighed, "I guess so."

"What are we going to do about it?" asked Chakotay.

"How am I supposed to know? None of this was planned, none of us expected this connection to extend to this level," said Kathryn. "We have to find a solution here, Chakotay, one that will work for both of us. I don't want to go on dates with you yet I also don't expect you to stop dating Sam," began Kathryn. "I also have things I want to do, things I want to do on my own that I can't. I don't know, Chakotay. I honestly have no idea what we should do.”

Chakotay laughed, "It wouldn't be so tough if we were a couple." His voice trailed off before he finished the sentence.

"But we aren't and that's that," said Kathryn. "Just think about it, Chakotay. See if you can come up with any ideas because I am fresh out of them."

What could be done? Nothing, that's what. Some time and a few incidents later they both realized that fighting it would get them nowhere. The two of them soon relaxed in their closer roles, both working in unison as if they had lived this way for most of their lives.

Unfortunately for Chakotay, it was at the same time that Samantha also decided the relationship wasn't going to work. He hadn't told her about what happened the last night they were together intimately, but he did tell her about the stronger connection. She simply put two and two together and soon found any closeness with Chakotay awkward and embarrassing.

Samantha told Chakotay that she needed time to think, but he knew it was over. Despite the fact that his feelings for Samantha were strong, he too realized that it wasn't going to work with Kathryn along everywhere they went.

Chakotay was torn. Here he was feeling the loss of his relationship with Samantha At the same time, he could also tell Kathryn had remorse for being the major catalyst in the relationship ending.

Chakotay did his best to reassure Kathryn, but he had to admit, indirectly she was right even if she had no control over the situation.  Despite missing Sam, he had to admit he was thoroughly enjoying his time with Kathryn and as they settled into a new routine, they were enjoying their time together more.

Chakotay's good nature soon had Kathryn smiling again. They both knew he would recover from his heartache. As the weeks passed, they both saw Samantha growing closer to ensign Jack O'Neill, the man who Chakotay knew really held Samantha's heart.

=^=

It was late one night about three months after the connection began, when Chakotay awoke to find Kathryn standing over him. "What's wrong?"

Kathryn sat beside Chakotay on the bed. "I couldn't sleep," she said softly.

He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his face, "Are you all right?"

"This, everything, nothing," she said, sounding defeated.

"Kathryn, talking in riddles when I'm this tired isn't wise," he said trying to sound humorous.

She quickly got up. "I'm sorry. I'll let you go back to sleep."

Chakotay grabbed her arm and pulled her back down on the bed. "Talk to me."

"I guess I've just done a lot of thinking about all of this. We both have had to make a lot of adjustments considering we're two friends forced to live together," she began.

Chakotay interrupted her, "And we'll continue to make adjustments until we get it all worked out. B'Elanna has a crew starting on the doorway tomorrow. That won't take long at all."

"You once pointed out how much easier it would be if we were together. I think you were right."

Chakotay sat straight up, "Kathryn..."

"I'm sorry. I know how that must have sounded." She took a deep breath; "It's just that I have had feelings for you, strong feelings that have grown even stronger since this began." Despite the darkness, Kathryn turned to face him. "I've always led my life with certain values. Starfleet has always been a part of my life and it's something that I've always wanted. Before I never thought twice about how maintaining those values kept me apart from the crew. It’s a fact of life for a captain. But now … now that I've been with you, near you, like this, even if a cure was found, I don’t think I could imagine being away from you."

"Kathryn…" he tried to say once again but failed.

"It's not fair, me throwing this at you after holding back, pushing you away, and encouraging you to be with someone else," she said. Kathryn jumped off his bed, moved beyond the partition and continued.  "What is wrong with me? Why would I do this to you? Your girlfriend called it all off because of me. I should be sympathetic, not throwing myself at you." She was so torn, between her feelings, wanting to reach out to him yet knowing it wasn’t exactly the proper time to do so.

Chakotay followed her out into her living room and stood and watched her pace the floor, "Kathryn…"

"Chakotay…" she began.

Chakotay stopped her, one hand on her shoulder, another softly resting on her mouth. "Let me speak, please." Upon seeing her nod he continued, "You did not do this. I am not going to discuss that subject again. We cannot help this we can only find the best way for us to live our lives together. I believe I have made my feelings about you clear but just in case I haven't, I love you, Kathryn. I sometimes believe I have always loved you, that I was born to love you. I also knew that didn't necessarily mean that I would be able to be with you in the way that I wanted so I was content to keep you in my life as my friend. I did love Samantha and I believe I could have been happy with her for the rest of my life," upon seeing Kathryn's face fall he continued, "but I don’t know how happy she would have been with me knowing how strong my love for you was. It's hard to explain it but while I still loved her, my love for you didn't fade. I don't think it could ever fade."

"Oh, Chakotay," said Kathryn softly.

"I don't know what we should do, Kathryn. I think I've always known you felt something for me but I don’t think I was aware how strong those feelings were . You've had a lot thrown at you, Kathryn, and I don't want you confusing…"

"No, Chakotay, don’t even think that. I'm sorry I've kept my feelings such a secret that you weren't even aware of how I felt. I guess I can safely say that I did that on purpose; being a captain required that of me. The only thing that this lifeline connection did was give me a different perspective on a relationship with you." Kathryn moved over to her desk, leaning against it. "I now realize that it could work without interrupting our work relationship. We cannot be apart but aside from a few inconveniences and some room rearrangement I don’t think anything has changed."

"You're right. Nothing has changed at all and I have to admit that surprises me, too, although I do believe if we were involved it would still be a bit different that what is happening now," he said.

Kathryn looked at him, "How so?"

"Kathryn, it would be different," he said, at a loss how to explain.

"I think I understand what you think but I do think you're wrong," she said. "On duty, there would be no difference. It might sound unfeeling but on the bridge, I am the captain. Kathryn may be there but the Kathryn you want to see won't be there; she can't be. Off duty, yes there will be a difference but only the obvious."

Chakotay saw the opportunity for the change in conversation and grabbed for it, "Obvious huh? Maybe you should just show me the obvious differences."

Kathryn grinned. Was she ready for this? It didn't take long to decide on her answer -- it was most definitely yes. "Well, let's see. After a long day on the bridge, a tiring one, there is nothing better than a long hot bath."

Chakotay grinned back, "I think I knew that."

"Well, one obvious difference would be getting you to join me in that bath," said Kathryn, moving up closer to him to lie next to him.

"Hmm, I have to admit I've never been one for baths but I think you could change my mind," he said.

"I think I could," said Kathryn, leaning up on her elbow, moving in closer to his face, allowing her lips to gently brush his. She pulled back. "But before that bath, I would most certainly greet you with a kiss," she once again placed her lips on his, lightly but still enough to feel his lips under hers, trying to deepen the kiss. She shivered at the sensations running through her. Not only could she feel the his lips, brushing against hers, his tongue, invading her mouth, seeking her own, she could also feel something else, more in her mind then tickling her nerves but still an arousing sensation.

Kathryn pulled back momentarily, taken aback at the foreign feeling but one look at Chakotay told her he would completely understand -- it was the link, their lifeline creating this, opening them up to more things than they could ever imagine. Each of them was feeling the other's response as well as their own and it was creating something that Kathryn could only describe as wonderful feedback.

Chakotay gently pushed Kathryn down to the bed, her smiling face told him to proceed, so he quickly divested her of her pants and dove between her legs, one finger dipping into her hot center while his tongue flicked her clit in a furious pace. He felt himself harden and his orgasm build as hers did, knowing through their link just how close she was.

Chakotay quickly stopped and climbed on top of her, placing his aching member at her entrance then plunged in. Kathryn wrapped her legs around his waist as he pounded into her, closing her eyes, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of feeling her own orgasm approach with his.

Chakotay's eyes flew open as he came, so hard, amazed at the sensation of feeling him fill Kathryn with his gushing fluid. He tried to hold himself up but found it too difficult. Collapsing on her he held her close as wave after wave rushed over them.

Chakotay met Kathryn’s eyes. Nothing needed to be said; both knew how the other felt. It was sudden but a much-needed step in the right direction, the final step to completing their oneness that had been inevitable since they met.

=^=

Kathryn couldn’t help the smile that crept to her face as she sat next to Chakotay on the bridge. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed for them. Thanks to their connection, the feelings from afterwards she had always wondered if he would have, were clear as day. She clearly knew that the man was high on life. To tell the truth, so was she.

She suddenly realized that Tuvok was talking to her. “Sorry, Tuvok, yes?”

“We are being hailed,” explained Tuvok.

“On screen,” she answered him, standing to greet the unknown alien who wanted to speak with them.

A tall thin man, whose skin had a slightly bluish tinge, met them with a smile. “Greetings travelers, I am Miltoon of Hitooloo.”

Kathryn smiled back at him. “Greetings to you, Miltoon.”

“I noticed you are approaching our system and I wanted to be the first to greet you,” said the alien. “I would be honored if you, Captain and your First Officer,  could grace us with your presence here on Hitooloo.”

Kathryn frowned slightly, turning first to Chakotay then back to Miltoon. “I am sorry, I would be glad to send down a landing party but neither I nor my first officer will be able to accompany them.”

At Mitoon's frown she continued to explain. “It won’t be possible for us to beam down. I will be sending Tuvok,” she said, gesturing over to Tuvok’s station.”

“I would be honored if you would join the landing party,” said Miltoon.

“I am sorry, regulations forbid it,” she briefly explained.

Miltoon nodded, “I understand. I would be honored to meet a small group of your choice. Please inform me who you select so we can make appropriate arrangements.”
Kathryn nodded as the signal was cut off. “It was the wisest choice, Kathryn,” said Chakotay.

Kathryn stood and walked to her ready room, mumbling back, “That doesn’t mean I have to like it. Mr. Tuvok, pick an away team then report to me.” She entered her ready room, still mumbling curses, loud enough for the bridge to hear. They all remained quiet, allowing her some time to deal with her momentary frustration. They knew it must be hard for her to accept that away missions would be dangerous for her, especially first contact missions.

Chakotay waited a few moments, letting her calm down, before following her into the open room. He watched her as she paced back and forth, still muttering unintelligible words to herself.

“I know that was hard,” he said softly.

“It wasn’t something I had thought about until that man asked us to go down to the planet. I can no longer even act as a captain, can I?” she said, sounding defeated.

“Of course you can. There is nothing wrong with inviting him here or allowing someone else to make first contact,” said Chakotay.

“First contact should be performed by the captain, Chakotay,” she said, the anger still clearly on her voice.

“I’m not going to argue with you, Kathryn. You have the right to be frustrated right now and I'm not going to tell you otherwise. But when you're finished, realize that sacrifices have to be made to assure your well being and they will continue to be made as long as this connection exists. Don’t forget that I too can’t leave the ship, I’m stuck here along with you. I personally don’t find that horrible but you sure aren’t making this easy for either of us.” Chakotay took a deep breath, then continued, “I will not allow anything to happen to you and if you had suggested going down to that planet I would have been the first to speak up and you know it.”

Kathryn eyed him, “That’s just it, isn’t it. Sacrifices, too many of them, just to keep me alive…”

“Stop right there,” he interrupted her. “Yes, Kathryn, sacrifices. Many of them and every single one worth it. I love you, woman, god knows why, and I am honored that I am the one to share this connection with you. I'm scared as hell about that, but still honored. You can go through the pity party again if you want,  just let me know when you’re finished so we can get on with our lives, happy and hopefully content. Tuvok will do a wonderful job with first contact and perhaps you can continue with it here on the ship where we can be sure a door won't close. I won't risk losing you, so get used to it – now!”

Kathryn stood silently for a moment then allowed a small smile to creep across her face, realizing he was right. “Thank you,” she said, to utterly shock Chakotay, “I think I’ll need to hear that once in a while.”

He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her, “You are very welcome, Kathryn.”

=^=

Chakotay watched Kathryn out of the corner of his eye, watching as she slowly rubbed her temple, attempting to ease the oncoming headache. Since arriving at Earth via a wormhole that they found, they had been run through numerous tests, people not quite wanting to believe the story of how they were connected.

At the first meeting scheduled with Kathryn, the Admiralty did everything they could to get Chakotay out of the room, nearly calling security as they tried desperately to explain the situation. It was Kathryn’s hands on her hips, asking if they needed a doctor's note for the teachers that finally got a few of them laughing, but the group as a whole calmed down enough to actually listen to them.

It didn’t take long for them all to see the absolute trust Kathryn had for her first officer and although some still remained unhappy about the Maquis situation, they were finally released to go home to their families. Kathryn was anxious for Chakotay to meet her mother and sister.

Exactly one month after arriving on Earth, Kathryn sat back on the sofa watching her sister's little girl run up and down the hallway showing aunt Kathryn how she could skip and jump.

Kathryn leaned against her mom’s shoulder, simply enjoying the closeness she had missed for so long. Chakotay got up from the chair, offering to fetch drinks for all. He approached the door to the kitchen, grabbed a nearby large paper weight that was heavy enough to hold the door open and put it in front of the door.

Chakotay could hear Kathryn laughing at something her sister said, and was reaching for the glasses when he felt something hit his leg. He looked down to see little Amy grinning back up at him. She pointed to the middle of the kitchen floor and said plainly, “Gramma says that’s no no.”

It had all happened at once. It dawned on him that it was the paperweight, no longer holding the door open, as he heard Gretchen and Phoebe scream for him. Chakotay dropped the glasses in the sink and ran into the living room, finding Kathryn slumped over her mother's lap, unresponsive.

Chakotay propped her up, his hands rubbing her cheeks, “Come on, come on, don’t do this to me,” he was saying, like a mantra. He leaned in closer, his lips lightly brushing hers and sighed in relief as he felt her warm breath.

Kathryn groaned, bringing smiles to the others' faces, “What happened?”

“The door closed,” said Chakotay softly. “First thing I do, as soon as you are okay, is take down all these doors.”

Kathryn looked up at her mom, only to hear, “I’ll go get a tool kit.” Gretchen sighed, “I don’t think I completely understood what you told me until just now.”

“Sorry, mom. I thought we explained it well, but we are so used to all the precautions that we prepared for on Voyager that it’s hard to remember what we took for granted,” said Kathryn.

“How can you live like this?” said Phoebe.

Chakotay gently kissed Kathryn, leaning in close to her, “I love her. The possibility of living without her is something I couldn’t bear no matter what the circumstances. I may be providing Kathryn a lifeline, one that she has to keep for the rest of her life, but she is doing the same for me. For life without Kathryn wouldn’t be a life worth living. She is my lifeline, one I intend to keep for a very long time.”

 
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