The Choices We Make
by Sheri
rated NC17
Kathryn stirred, rolling to her side to face Chakotay who was still soundly sleeping. She could see the chronometer just beyond him; it was 0500. Chakotay’s soft snore brought a smile to her face. Funny how he didn’t wake to the alarm right away.
She reached out, gently touching him before getting out of bed, and getting ready for her meeting at Head Quarters. She hated leaving him like this but she still had to live the life of a Captain, a Captain who couldn’t be late and had to get ready for work.
Kathryn had thoroughly enjoyed her work on the Omega 13 project and wouldn’t give it up for anything. She knew she had been neglecting Chakotay but also knew he would understand. Chakotay understood how important it was to her and he would wait until the project was finished, she was sure of it.
=^=
It was late when she finally returned home, as usual, whisking past Chakotay with a brief kiss on his cheek as she went to change out of her uniform. He had followed her, tried talking to her but she waved him off telling him she needed a shower first.
He finally said her name sternly, making her turn around to face him, then he began saying what would change her life forever. She could see his lips move, explaining himself, trying to make her understand what drove him to do it.
Kathryn understood nothing, no words came to her. He eyes closed as she felt the sensation wash over her, a sensation of nothingness, numbness that threatened to overwhelm her.
So it had come to this, her Starfleet driven world had finally taken all that she needed, wanted, loved.
Seven years lost in the Delta Quadrant took her family; her sister now living off world, not caring to come see her, her mother feeble, old, no longer recognizing her.
Seven had threatened to take the man she loved but Kathryn had won over, or so she thought. Chakotay had left Seven, running to her open arms like a desperate man and they had shared five months of bliss. In-between the meetings with Starfleet that lasted all day made her days with Chakotay only hours in actuality.
It dawned on her now, the faint trace of perfume and something else, a smell that she tried to ignore, telling of a body mingling with his; a body that was not hers.
Was it Seven? Or was it someone else? Another woman he had found desirable, more desirable than her? Was that guilt in his eyes? Did he feel guilt? Or did he feel justified since she had obviously put Starfleet above him.
“Kathryn, did you hear me?” He asked.
She looked up, drowning in his deep brown orbs, “I’m sorry, I guess…”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen, I really didn’t,” he said apologetically.
“Who…?” she began to ask.
“You don’t know her, someone I knew before…” he began.
“I see…” she paused for a moment. “Do you love her?” she asked quietly.
“No, it’s not like that. It never has been like that. We’re friends …” he said.
“So, what does this mean for us?” she asked.
“I’m not sure, Kathryn. My feelings for you are confused, but I do know
I can’t live like this, I won't live like this, being second to that institution,”
he said. “When was the last time we made love?” he asked quietly.
“What do you want me to do? Walk away from my career?” she asked, the same
anger seeping into her voice.
“I would never ask that of you, Kathryn. What I want is a relationship
that we share and love equally, not an hour here or there when it can be
fit between meetings. I’m tired of the fact that this damn project is more
important to you than I am. I’m not asking to be made a top priority in your
life but I would at least like to rank up there high enough for you to remember
that I am even here,” he said. “Look, I’m not going to move out right away
but I think I’m moving into the spare bedroom, I’ll look for a place as soon
as I can.”
Kathryn closed her eyes, fighting back the tears yet she managed to hold them back. This argument was familiar to her, one that she had many times with Mark when he had begged her to be home more, to make a family with him, to settle down and marry him. It wasn’t a surprise to her when she had got her dear John letter from him, to discover he found a woman who would do just what she wasn’t willing to do. But didn’t she learn from that mistake? Why didn’t she see that Chakotay wouldn’t be so patient, that he wouldn’t wait around for years?
If she thought hard and long she would have to admit that Starfleet no longer held the same thrill for her, that perhaps she was more than ready to settle down, make a family with the man she loved.
The only reason she had stuck around fleet was out of habit. Then they offered her the Omega 13 project, it fascinated her, the idea of time travel, although it was sure headache materiel but it was also a change in direction with what she had been doing; Captaining a ship.
This project got her brain going, steering into the scientific ways that was her first love. She hated the fact that it took her away from Chakotay for so much but she also loved every minute of what she had been doing. Too bad she didn’t realize just what this project would cost her.
“Is there anything I could do to change your mind? Chakotay, I love you, I don’t want …” she pleaded.
He looked to the floor, “I’m sorry, if things were done different than maybe but now…I can’t, I wont, they would be empty promises, desperate promises of you trying to fix, undo, what can’t be undone. I can’t make you be something you aren’t, or do something you don’t want to. Maybe we can both take time to think about this and talk in a couple days.”
Kathryn knew she couldn’t change his mind, now, right at this moment but she also knew that she would do whatever it would take to not lose Chakotay. She had a focus now, a different one than she had had in a long time, she knew instantly what she had to do and for the first time in a long time she felt Kathryn take control, step forth and let her know that everything would be alright.
=^=
Kathryn dragged herself into work the next morning, after very little sleep, knowing she wouldn’t do much good but dreading sitting at home, in her all too empty house.
She stood outside the door to the building, hand reaching out to open the door when it dawned on her; she had the power to change it, all of it.
Kathryn’s heart raced at the thought of it, the Omega 13 worked, they had tested it in a controlled manner, only going back a minute but they knew they could go back much further. They didn’t want to push it beyond a few months yet but hadn’t yet run the test beyond. There wasn’t a subject that they could change, not as drastically as this.
How it worked wasn’t exactly simple and so far during the time jump they only could manage a 13 second time jump; meaning they had only 13 seconds to change whatever needed changing.
Could she change all of this with Chakotay? Could she change she and Chakotay’s fate in a matter of 13 seconds? She had to think of the precise moment to do it, stopping herself from joining the project that would hopefully change her future?
It would be simple actually. All of this began when she came home, after the debriefings. She took two weeks off, which could have been much more; two months actually. That was when Chakotay came to her, where she confessed her feelings and the two of them spent two glorious weeks together.
It could have been so much more, but then Starfleet called telling her of the Omega 13 project, asking her to join. It was an opportunity that she couldn’t resist and signed up immediately. Of course, she had to start right away, blowing Chakotay’s plans of a getaway, out of the water.
Chakotay was happy for her, knowing her love of science but now she knew, it was probably the catalyst for the relationship falling apart. She worked late; long hours spent perfecting the Omega 13, testing it, making sure, without a doubt, that it worked.
Her mind made up, she headed into the building, now intent on finding a way to use Omega 13 without her co-workers noticing.
=^=
Kathryn worked the rest of the day, quietly checking over the data, making sure everything would be ready. Tomorrow was Saturday and the rest of the team was taking the day off which was perfectly fine, she didn’t need them to run the test, she only needed herself and the device and the determination that she could feel growing with each and every breath she took.
Once she was positive that the data was correct, she could easily pick any time, within a few months, and go back, hopefully changing everything with this one shot.
Kathryn got up early the next morning, quickly dressed and headed out the door. She transported right outside the building, pausing only a moment before stepping inside.
As she arrived to the door she realized not a single negative thought crossed her mind. Despite the fact that she knew messing with time could have drastic consequences she hoped, just this once, that no one would notice, that this one time she could get what she needed to make her life complete.
The action was quick and before she knew it, the device transported her back to the designated time. There was a brief moment of disorientation, while she tried to get her bearings. She was home; it should be just before the call…
“Kathryn, did you hear me?” came Chakotay’s voice.
She whirled around, “what was that Chakotay?”
“The call, it's for you,” he explained.
Kathryn nodded her head and headed for the desk, suddenly not sure of what she should say. She sat down at the desk and smiled at the Admiral, “What can I do for you sir?”
“Well, I have an offer for you,” he explained.
“Offer away,” she said with a smile.
“Kathryn, I know you are still on leave and I really don’t want to interrupt, but I have a team that has been working on a special project. A project that I know you would love to get your hands on.”
“Sounds intriguing Admiral, tell me about it,” she said, not wanting to arouse any suspicion.
“No, not this way. If you're interested you would have to end your leave and report to work tomorrow morning, 0600 hours,” he said.
“Admiral, I appreciate you thinking of me but I was just on duty for seven years straight, don’t I deserve some time off?” she said.
“Of course you do, but the project is at a critical point, delaying until the end of your leave wouldn’t work, we need you now,” he said.
“I see,” was her only answer.
“Alright, I see you have a lot to think about, 0600 tomorrow, if you don’t want to pass up the chance of a lifetime,” he said, before cutting off the signal.
Kathryn chuckled to herself, ‘Chance of a lifetime my ass.’
“So, what was that about?” asked Chakotay, holding onto a pan, stirring away at the contents.
“Nothing important, honey. So how’s dinner coming?”
=^=
Kathryn stirred, rolling to her side to face Chakotay who was still soundly sleeping. She could see the chronometer just beyond him;, it was 0500. Chakotay’s soft snore brought a smile to her face. Those days since he had left had been so quiet, too quiet, unbearable so.
There was no going back now, she couldn’t change what she had done, she could only take advantage of the opportunity she had given herself and she wouldn’t mess this one up.
Slowly Kathryn pulled the sheet down, revealing Chakotay’s tanned body, inch by inch, still amazed at how deeply he slept. Once fully revealed her hand made a beeline for his groin, his member softly resting against his leg. Her small hand reached out, a delicate finger, lightly tracing the head.
Chakotay’s snoring lessened but he did not wake, allowing Kathryn to proceed, the grin growing wider on her face; she had always wanted to do this, always dreamed, for seven years on Voyager of waking him up like this.
Quietly she slid down the bed, her hand now gently grasping his member, which was beginning to show signs of reacting to her touch. She leaned over him, trying not to lean on him, keeping him in his state of slumber while she proceeded to tend to his needs. Her mouth gently engulfed his penis then slowly pulled away, only to pull it back in when she reached the head.
Chakotay moaned, his hand moving to her head, resting in her hair, “Kathryn?”
Kathryn pulled back momentarily, “good morning,” she said with a smile.
Chakotay smiled, reaching down to grasp her arms, pulling her towards him. In one swift move she had been pulled back up and flipped onto her back, Chakotay now cradled between her legs, “You can wake me up like that every morning,” he said.
Kathryn wrapped her legs around his waist and instantly felt his member slid within her, she groaned at the sensation, always loving that first sensation of joining. Her legs wrapped around tighter, holding him in place as her hands pulled his face closer, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, her tongue gently tracing the outline of his lips.
She loosened her hold, allowing Chakotay movement. He began at a slow pace but quickly sped up, thrusting in hard, allowing Kathryn no time to catch up. All she could do was hang on, her hands clinging tightly to his forearms as her legs flailed up in the air. Chakotay paused, to reach around and grab her legs and placing them on his shoulders, then once again began the movement that would soon send them over the edge.
Chakotay’s pace quickened as Kathryn’s moans grew in pitch, he knew she was close and he wanted to go over the edge with her. He knew the moment it happened, as Kathryn’s nails dug into his arms and her insides clenched around him, her wail loud as she came. He came too, spurting his seed deep within her. He collapsed onto her, his breathing heavy in her ear.
Kathryn pushed at him slightly, needed to feel breath in her lungs, and smiling as Chakotay rolled off her yet kept her close. Just as she began to drift off her alarm rang out, letting her know it was 0530.
“Don't you need to be somewhere?” Chakotay asked.
“Computer, turn off alarm,” she said allowed and as the familiar beep came through she snuggled further into Chakotay’s chest. “No, I don’t. I am right where I need to be.”
She felt Chakotay kiss her lightly then settle back into the pillow and
as Kathryn drifted back to sleep. She knew, this time she had gotten it right.