I didn't like TPTB's
abrupt ending, so i simply continued it!
I'm sitting here in my chair, staring at the big blue and green orb that I call home. I should be thrilled, but I can't find an ounce of enthusiasm in me. My eyes wander to the man sitting at the helm, and I begin to wonder, are they sleeping together yet? Does she enjoy his touch? His kiss? Is she in love? Is he?
I could have sent anyone to the helm, but I had to send him. The thought of the two of them, sharing this moment, side by side on my bridge was too much to take. He's supposed to be standing by MY side, not hers.
This all makes me begin to wonder if a stood any chance at all with him, or was I simply the last woman on earth, new earth that is. This is a homecoming that I can't enjoy, and that is something I have to correct. Even if it's to admit defeat, I need something that will bring me peace.
"Commander, I would like to see you in my ready room," I tell him, there is no time like the present. He gets up from the helm, handing it over to the nearest ensign and follows me in.
I don't really expect my reaction, it just sort of happens, "so Chakotay, when were you going to tell me?"
"Captain?" I can tell he's confused.
"You and Seven, I thought we were friends, I thought this was something that friends told each other." I'm trying hard not to yell, but that's difficult.
He's angry, I know he did not expect this conversation, and in my ready room of all places, "Kathryn, how did you know?"
"The Admiral told me about a future where Seven and you..." she trailed off, no need to remind herself of that, "well, the two of you were together. After seeing the two of you on the bridge, I knew."
"Four dates Kathryn, that's all it's been," he explained in a much softer tone.
"Do you love her Chakotay?" it's out of my mouth before I can even think.
"Kathryn, where is this coming from? Do I love her? Four dates does not mean I'm in love; Intrigued is probably the correct word. I've had a chance to discover a different side to her, and I'm intrigued to find out more," he say's.
"I see, I guess that's all I needed to know, thank you Commander, your dismissed," I say.
Chakotay stood their disbelieving, "I'm dismissed. You start a conversation like this with me, then just simply dismiss me? Well, I shouldn't be surprised, that’s your answer to everything, isn't it Captain?
"You are out of line Commander? I said you were dismissed." Doesn't he realize I can't bear to hear more about them, I don't want to hear about their future, when mine is falling apart? I turn away from him, hoping he takes the hint, I end up facing the picture on my endtable, and the tears come with out warning. The picture is an old one, of me and my senior staff, one where Chakotay is standing beside me, just a little too close. It was like a secret we shared, those hidden feelings, or was it just my imagination?
"Kathryn? What is this?" he asks, concern showing on his voice.
I lie to him, "it's... it's just getting home, how we got home, I think its really hitting me now. Please just go, I'll be fine."
I know he doesn't believe me, I feel him close to me now as he places his hands on my shoulders, "Kathryn, there is more to it than that, give me some credit here."
I step forward, enough to dislodge his hands, "please... go," I pleaded with him.
He doesn't listen, instead this time I feel arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to him "Kathryn, please tell me, where is this coming from?"
I hesitate for only a moment, I've said this much now, I might as well say it all, "This is coming from the fact that in this moment, when we got home, I always pictured you by MY side. I wanted to be able to reach for your hand, hold it, let you know that I was now..."
The grip around my waist loosened some, I know I surprised him, but he did not let go, "go on Kathryn, tell me."
"I was now free to..." could I really say this? Should I? Could I take the rejection of him saying he didn't feel the same? I didn't want to be the one to cause problems between him and Seven so early in their relationship. But facing herself, her future self, and seeing the loneliness in her eyes, the loneliness that never left, I couldn't bear to live like that. I had to say something, even if it breaks my heart.
Chakotay couldn't stand one more moment of the silence, he turned Kathryn to face him, and lifts her chin, looking her in the eye, he says, "tell me," almost in a whisper.
I took a deep breath, "I was now free to love you, let you love me. Free to tell the world about the man that stole my heart, the man I wanted to spend my life with, have children with. Free to walk hand in hand with you, watching them play," I stopped, I k now I went too far.... I shouldn't have said all of that.
"Kathryn, I..." he began.
I stopped him; "it's ok... I'll be ok. At least you know how I feel, but I'm a big girl Chakotay, and I will be just fine. You should go, you have someone on the bridge waiting for you, she's going to need you now."
"After all this time... you have loved me all along? I thought... I really thought you didn't, that you were just trying to ... oh I don't know what I thought. I know I loved you, never stopped." He shook his head, "no that's wrong, very wrong. I know I love you, I could never stop. Kathryn, are you saying... can we..."
"Chakotay, no, we can't. What about Seven?" I ask.
He just smiled, "Seven will be ok. I will still be her friend, but I think she will understand, my feelings for you are no secret. Besides, do you think she will actually have a lack of attention once we reach Starfleet?"
I couldn't help but laugh through my tears, "no, I doubt she will."
He took his large hands and brought my face to his, this was it, the moment I've dreamed of, the moment when our lips meet. His lips were soft, gentle as they nuzzled mine, sending what could only be electric currents down my spine. I felt like jelly, as he nudged my mouth open and his tongue came in searching out mine, gentle caresses as we explored.
I know we should have stopped, the ready room is no place for this, yet we didn't. He slowly lowered me to the floor, his mouth never leaving mine. Once down, I wrap my legs around his waist, securing him in place, and beginning to rock my hips into his. I wanted this, more than ever, and wanted to clearly let him know.
He broke his contact from me, raising up on his arms, smiling down. Then without a word he began to undress me, jacket first then shirt, then pants. I let him do it all, stripping away the captain with every layer, leaving just Kathryn.
He brought his face to my breast and bent down to suckle through the lacy fabric, his hands were busy with the fastener, but the man was clearly stumbling, so I gave him a hand quickly undoing it and removing it in one swift move. He only moved for a brief second before claiming them once again, hands and mouth driving me into ecstasy.
I, too, fumbled with his clothing, wanting to feel his skin. He noticed the problem and broke away, standing up to completely remove everything, and waiting a moment I suppose to let me look.
I know I was smiling, he was magnificent, so beautifully tan, so wonderfully sculpted. His penis a perfect size in its semi erect state. I couldn't help it, I sat up, bring my face to it, wrapping my hand around it and bringing it to my mouth. I had to get a taste of him, of every part of him. He jerked at the moment my mouth enveloped him, I think he was surprised.
I worked my mouth over him, bringing him all the way in then slowly back out; sucking on the head, tongue flicking over the opening. I heard him groan, then felt a hand on my head, "stop, I won't last," was all he said.
I did as ordered, then laid back to the floor, I knew it was my turn, and I doubted he would disappoint.
He didn't, he moved right between my legs, and placed a gentle kiss on my tingling clitoris, sending the shock waves through me, a prequel to the orgasm I knew I would have. He then spread my lips open and latched onto it with his mouth, sucking it in between his teeth, holding it, then flicking his tongue over the now sensitive ending. Two flicks, that's all it took before I let out a strangled scream, arching up off the floor then falling back down. It had to be one of the most intense orgasms I had ever felt, my head was swimming, my body still shaking, slight aftershocks still floating through me.
That’s when I felt him cover me with his body, I spread my legs around him, allowing him access. He didn't need to be told twice, he placed his now hard member at my entrance, then met my eyes as he slid all the way in, groans falling from our throats in unison.
He's still for the moment, just enjoying the moment we are sharing. Then he begins, a slow pace at first, creating a rhythm that we both can follow. I find it hard to believe that another orgasm is building, in the past it was a miracle if a achieved one, let alone two or more. But its happening, so I encourage him to pick up the pace. He does so, and I match him, stroke for stroke until I feel the peak, spiraling higher and higher.
I know he felt it too, my orgasm triggered his and I can feel his seed spill into me, what an amazing feeling.
We lie their together, not taking our eyes off each other, for the briefest of moments. But then we realized we left a bridge full of crew all looking at that beautiful planet called earth.
We slowly part, he went to get us a towel to clean ourselves up. We do so and dress in silence, no words are needed, none are said. I make sure my uniform looks good, before standing in front of the door, waiting for it to open. In that brief moment I feel his hand brush the small of my back, he is with me, forever and always.
Stepping onto the bridge, its funny, but the first person I see is Seven. She is still standing up at her station, but her expression has changed, I think she knows.
I turn to Chakotay before taking my seat, he is wearing the same guilty look that I must be. We both glance up at Seven, we have to look like a couple of kids caught with our hand in the cookie jar, but we get what I didn't expect. A smile, she is practically beaming at us. I think she knew all along that she and Chakotay wouldn't have been long term, just a new thing for her to experience and learn; a stepping stone if you will.
We sit down together and he reaches for my hand, which I gladly give to him. This is how it's supposed to be, Chakotay and I together, showing the world that even in the farthest parts of the universe love can be found.
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