One could call this an episode edition.
I just couldn't stand the way repression went. I could see so many possibilities
for that one, this story is just one. And no I'm not even close to a doctor,
so if anything doesn't seem possible, sorry.
For life, For Love
By Sheri
Kathryn fought to open her eyes, it was too bright.
"Doctor, she's waking up," the voice sounded distant.
"Captain, you're in sickbay." Was that the doctor? And what was that other sound? She tried to focus on it; a baby, it was crying.
"Captain, just take it easy, I will give you something for the pain." She felt the hypo spray in her neck, and then drifted off.
~~~~~
"B'Elanna, how am I going to tell her?" asked Chakotay.
"It's not going to be easy, but she'll be ok," reassured B'Elanna.
"I've been selfish here, thought nothing but for my self in this, I don't even know if she'll accept...."
"Chakotay, come on. You are being ridiculous, it will be a shock to her but she'll accept it. Give her some time."
"I wish I had your confidence, B'Elanna."
B'Elanna just smiled, "it'll be okay, you will see."
~~~~~~~~~~
Nine months earlier
~~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn couldn't explain why she let it happen; she was so angry at first, pacing the brig. Then the door opened and Chakotay and Ayala came in. Ayala removed the Starfleet guard, leaving Chakotay and Kathryn alone in the brig.
"You can't blame me here Kathryn, I saw an opportunity, and I took it," said Chakotay.
"What is going on here Chakotay? This isn't like you," said Kathryn. She was trying to sound serious, but had to admit that the sight of him in his Maquis gear was sending her hormones into overdrive. There was something about that tight leather gear that she was finding hard to resist.
Chakotay didn't miss the signals she was trying hard not to send. "What about you Kathryn? This is unlike you."
Kathryn gulped, "just what do you mean?"
He stepped close, and brought his face right in front of hers. "You want me, don't deny it Kathryn. You're angry, yet you are incredibly turned on right now."
She tried to back up, but met the bed. "I don't know what you're talking about. Back off Commander."
"Come on now Kathryn, I'm not stupid. I've known you for many years now, and I can tell you here you're fighting it, but you definitely want me."
"What ever has happened here has given you one hell of a cocky attitude, Chakotay."
He just smiled, then brought his mouth to hers. She responded immediately mouth opening, tongue snaking out to meet his. She groaned at the sensations flying through her, then she pushed away. "You are overstepping your bounds, Commander."
He spun her around and dropped her to her knees, her upper body now lying on the bunk. "I don't think I am. I won't force you, Kathryn, but I don't think I'll have to." His hands moved forward to her zipper, he slowly unzipped it, and let his hand snake inside. "Lace Kathryn? Not very Starfleet of you."
His finger was making circles on her bundle of nerves, causing Kathryn to moan, "please..."
"Please what? Tell me what you want."
Kathryn couldn't believe it, she should scream, yell, do something, but she didn't. "You, I want you now, please."
He grinned, then removed her pants, taking her lacy panties with them. He then quickly undid his own. He pushed her down to the bed, so she was still kneeling on the floor, yet her upper half was still lying on the bed. He allowed his hand to continue stimulating her while he positioned his hard member at her wet entrance. He waited a moment for any further protest before plunging in.
She screamed from the pain, but the buildup of the oncoming orgasm quickly took the pain away. She couldn't move much in her position, but she tried, wiggling her bottom to edge him on.
"Oh, you're so tight, you feel so good," he moaned as he slowly thrust in and out.
"Faster, please faster," she begged.
He smiled, yet complied, now feeling the buildup of his own release. It took only a few more thrusts before he howled and spilled his seed inside of her. She came right after, moaning as her inner muscles gripped his member tightly.
"Bridge to Chakotay," came B'Elanna through the Comm badge.
Chakotay groaned, "Chakotay here."
"You're needed up here," B'Elanna said.
"I'll be right there," he said, then cut off the signal. He pulled back, allowing his now soft member to slip out of Kathryn. " I'm needed elsewhere." He got up and got dressed, then quickly left the room.
Kathryn got dressed, and climbed onto the bench. She lay down, pulling the blanket over her. She wasn't tired yet she felt the need to wrap herself up, protecting herself somehow. 'Just what do you need protecting from Kathryn? You, that’s who. Why did you let that happen? You know it should have never happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn sat in her ready room, waiting for Chakotay to enter. She was nervous, really nervous, but she didn't want it to show. Finally her door chime rang. "Come in, Chakotay."
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" he asked, sounding a bit too professional.
"Chakotay relax, I'm not going to bite your head off, you weren't in control of yourself, I do know that."
"Yes, that may be true, but we can't just ignore what happened in the brig. I want to say I'm sorry."
"Chakotay, I think I'm the one to blame here. I knew perfectly well what was going on, I should have stopped you, I don't know what came over me." She couldn't look up, she just stared at the coffee cup in her hand.
He ordered some tea, then sat in the seat directly across from her. "So, why now Kathryn? What do we do about this?"
"I don't know. I was taken so off guard with your actions, I couldn't think. One minute I wanted to phaser you, then next I wanted to... well, you know what that was. I don't think we should just dismiss it, yet I don't think either of us wants a relationship right now, am I right?"
"I guess you are. There was a time when I would have fought you on this ..." he paused for a moment, he didn't want to say the wrong thing, "now I do understand the principals you set, and to be honest I agree with them. A relationship would complicate things a great deal. I don't want to lose my best friend over this, Kathryn."
"You won't Chakotay, I don't want to either, okay?" She felt a bit better with how this conversation turned out, and hoped he did the same.
Chakotay sighed, "okay then. Now that is settled, how are those reports coming?"
She laughed, "are you offering to help?"
"Sure thing, hand some over."
~~~~~~~
Although things were slightly strained, the managed to fall back into their routine. Most of the crew knew that the Maquis were under mind control, and tried to show them that they understood.
For the Captain and Commander it was a bit harder, but after a couple of months things were going well. They had even had dinner a few times together, but neither of them brought up the events of the brig.
It probably wasn't the wisest decision, but they both had decided to pretend that it ever happened.
~~~~~~~~~
The attack was unexpected; three ships came out of nowhere and fired on them. They were much smaller than Voyager, but their weapons still managed to do some damage. The Captain had just ordered a return fire, and stood up from her seat, when another torpedo hit. She never actually knew what happened, but Chakotay did.
He watched in horror as the force of the blast sent her flying into the bar behind her chair. He heard the crack as her head hit and heard the thump as she landed across her seat. He was at her side in a second, trying to see if she was alive, then ordering a beam out.
He then spent the next half-hour pacing the bridge as the rest of the crew called out the damage that they had sustained. They had fired back, and the three ships finally took off. Voyager did not pursue.
"Commander, I believe I can handle things on the bridge if you would like to go check on the Captain in sickbay."
"Thank you Tuvok, I think I will do that," he answered then quickly left the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He entered sickbay, to find the doctor busy at work. "Report," he ordered.
"She is alive, barely," the doctor said, continuing his work.
Chakotay just stood back and watched, hoping to see some sign that she was okay. Leaning against the wall, he let himself sink to the floor. He didn't even realize that he was slowly falling asleep.
"Commander..." the doctor roused him.
"How is the Captain?"
"Well, I have good news and bad news. First of all, the good news. She is alive, but I'm afraid she is in a deep coma, that’s the bad news. There is something else we should discuss." The doctor paused for a moment, " I shouldn't really be telling you this, it would break doctor patient confidentiality. But since you are currently the highest ranking officer, and knowing... you are partly responsible for what I'm about to tell you, I guess I really should."
"What?" asked Chakotay numbly.
"Commander, I discovered something during my exam. The Captain is two months pregnant."
Chakotay couldn't believe it, "She's what? Did she know?"
"I don't think so, she never came to me for an exam. Right now the pregnancy is stable, but we will have to keep a close eye on it. If it at all seems to be endangering the Captains health, I will have to terminate," explained the doctor.
Chakotay sighed, "I understand. Just how long could she remain in a coma?"
"Well, that’s hard to say. The brain is still quite mysterious, she could wake up any day now, or she may never wake up. Right now it's up to her."
"... Never wake up, I don't want to believe that," Chakotay wanted to deny that this entire day even happened.
"Commander, I know its difficult, but right now, I've done all I can. I will do what ever I can to keep her alive, but it will be up to her to recover and wake up," explained the doctor. "Right now, I would suggest you go to your quarters and rest. I have already informed Tuvok of the Captain's condition, you are now acting Captain."
"I will not allow myself to take that title, I will run the ship, but I will not take her title. She is still alive, therefore, she is still the Captain."
"Commander, please..." started the Doctor.
"Don’t worry Doctor, I will take good care of her ship, without changing command. Can I come back to visit her?" he asked.
"Of course, I actually believe it would do her a lot of good to hear people talking to her. You might want to arrange for other members of the crew to come by and spend some time with her."
"I'll do just that, thank you doctor," he approached the biobed, and leaned over to Kathryn ear, "you just come back to me," he whispered, his hand wandering down to her still flat belly, "we'll work this out, you'll see, it'll all be ok." He then got up and left, hoping to find sleep tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay knew he should keep all of this quiet right now, but he needed someone to talk to. This was too big to keep inside of him, he knew he'd need an outsider's help to sort out some of his feelings. He could trust B'Elanna to keep this a secret, and she would probably be able to put some of it in perspective for him.
He called her on the Comm, "Chakotay to B'Elanna."
"B'Elanna here, what can I do for you Chakotay," she asked.
"I need to talk to you, could you meet me in my quarters?" he asked.
"Of course. I'm free right now, I'll be right there," said B'Elanna, sounding a little curious about just what could be bothering her old friend.
True to her word, she arrived just a few minutes later, "How's the Captain doing?" B'Elanna wanted to know as soon as the doors opened. She was shocked to see her friend looking so… haggard.
"Well, not so good. She is in a coma and the doctor doesn’t see any sign that she may come out of it any time soon," he explained.
"Oh my god, will she ... live?" She asked, forcing the words out.
"Right now she is stable, but there is something else, another… problem I guess you could say," said Chakotay, pacing the floor.
"What?" she asked, moving closer to Chakotay, afraid of the answer.
Chakotay took a deep breath, "She's pregnant."
B'Elanna could not believe it, "She's what? How? I mean, who? I mean..."
"It's mine," stated Chakotay.
"Yours? I didn't know the two of you were involved, you two can sure keep a secret when you want to. Chakotay that's..." she babbled, until he interrupted her.
"It's not like that B'Elanna, we aren't involved. It happened while we were under Teero's control. I didn't force her or anything, she was quite willing, but..." he paused for just a moment. He took a moment to consider whether he should tell B'Elanna everything, Kathryn may not appreciate it. But then again, it wasn't like the pregnancy was going to be a big hint to him, after all, he had just told her the main part. "We had decided that a relationship wouldn't be a good idea, we basically ignored the fact that it ever happened. We were attempting to rebuild our friendship after all of that, and then this happened."
"Does she know she's pregnant?" asked B'Elanna.
"There's no way to be sure but I don't think so. The Doctor said she hadn't come to him at all, and she didn't say anything to me."
"Oh boy, I see the problem. She'll wake up to quite a surprise," said B'Elanna, sitting on the couch. She needed a moment to process all of this information.
"Hopefully she wakes up soon, but right now, we don't know," Chakotay said putting his head in his hands. "What am I going to do?"
B'Elanna sat down next to him, "Ok lets think about this logically. Kahless I sound like Vorik," she laughed, trying to lighten the mood slightly. "Look, If this accident hadn't happened could you see her terminating the pregnancy?"
"I don't think so, but I don't know for sure. I mean a baby… she can't even have a relationship with me because she's afraid it'll cloud her judgement as a Captain. But a baby, that would be too much distraction…" Chakotay was ranting about it now.
"Come on Chakotay, she hasn't been the most wonderful person at times, but I can't see her doing that. She may not be thrilled by the news at first but she would eventually accept it, and probably embrace it." B'Elanna continued, "Look how much she loves Naomi. And she was great around Mezoti, Azan, no and here Rebi, and Icheb. She loves kids."
Chakotay hugged his friend, "thank you B'Elanna, you have helped here."
"Don't worry, she'll be okay. Before you know it she'll be up barking orders, but now because she's pregnant, they will be mostly at you."
Chakotay laughed, "I just may be in trouble here."
"You just might be in for one hell of a ride," B'Elanna laughed back.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay sat in the chair next to Kathryn's biobed, her small hand in his large one. He was due on the bridge in a few minutes, but he knew no one would object if he was a few minutes late.
This had been his routine for the past two months since Kathryn's accident; to get ready for duty, and then go sit with her for a little while.
The crew now knew of her pregnancy, Chakotay simply made the announcement, not explaining anything else. The crew accepted the news, not asking any further questions. There were some rumors flying around, Despite the fact that he didn't tell them that he was the father, they all knew.
So far Kathryn's condition remained stable, yet she showed no signs of waking up. She was kept on minimal life support; for the most part it just seemed as if she was asleep.
The crew took turns from time to time coming in to talk to her. Chakotay did most of the time, talking to her about their past, and his. He spilled his soul to her, telling her secrets he had never told anyone else.
He told her about his father, and how his father had tried so hard to get Chakotay to embrace the tribe. He told her about Seska, the feelings he had about her before and after her betrayal. He told her of his first love, really just a teenage crush, but she was someone who was still special to him, even after all these years.
So many people had crossed his path and yet this woman seemed to have the strongest impact on him. She was someone who changed his life, significantly, and for the better. For the first time in a long time he had a focus, this crew, and he had the trust of a woman whom he greatly respected.
So many of the crew misunderstood her; they saw her as an asexual captain, hell bent on getting the crew home. They assumed she spent night and day working, never allowing the woman in her to come out, but Chakotay knew differently.
He knew that she loved to take baths and
pamper herself on occasion. He knew that she painted her toenails, hidden
beneath her boots. He knew that she liked to laugh and didn't do it often
enough, something that saddened both her and him. And he knew, like
every other human being, that sometimes she just needed a hug, and was
glad that she came to him for that on occasion.
They had never crossed they had never crossed the self-imposed barriers that stopped them from forming a closer relationship except for that fateful day in the brig. And even then she was able to forgive him, and move beyond that, salvaging their friendship once again.
Now how will she react to this? Will she ever have a chance to react? These were answers he was still desperate for, and it seemed he wouldn't get them anytime soon.
"Commander, you are already 10 minutes late for your shift, don't you think you should be heading to the bridge?" The doctor's voice sounded like it was coming from a great distance away.
Chakotay blinked once, then turned to the doctor. "Sorry, I guess you're right."
He cupped his hand around Kathryn's cheek, "Come back to me," he pleaded, then headed off.
~~~~~~
The next time he went to sickbay, it was with B'Elanna. They both strolled in, only to stop dead in their tracks. There sat Marla Gilmore, one of the former crew of the Equinox. She was brushing her Captain's hair and talking to her in a low voice.
Neither of them wanted to disturb her yet, so they just sat back and watched. They couldn't hear everything she said, but they heard enough, and it brought tears to their eyes. Marla spoke of forgiveness and understanding over the event that took place before her arrival. She said how she knew Kathryn would be a good mother because of the fact that despite everything the Equinox crew did, Kathryn Janeway took them in and took care of them. She made sure they were all taken care of, had decent quarters, and good jobs to keep themselves busy. She made sure that her crew did not treat them unfairly and she was forever grateful for it.
She also talked of her own mother; how she was much like Captain Janeway herself, and that she looked to her much the same way. Chakotay found out in Marla's conversation, that despite Kathryn's anger over the entire incident, that she had actually personally visited each of these new crewmembers, helping them to fit in.
It was just another side of Kathryn that no one knew about. That was something that Chakotay wanted to make sure did not happen again. When, not if, Kathryn woke up, he would make sure that more of the crew would see this soft tender side of her. And he would let her know that it was strength, not a weakness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next few months were a blur. Chakotay spent most of his off duty time sitting with Kathryn, watching her belly grow. The pregnancy remained stable, which was a relief to Chakotay as well as the rest of the crew. As did Kathryn, yet she showed no signs of waking up. She needed minimal life support, to Chakotay it seemed as if she was simply sleeping.
The crew did what they could for their Captain, sitting with her and talking to her, anything to get a response out of her. Unfortunately they got none.
B'Elanna had announced her own pregnancy in fact, she was due around the same time as Kathryn, due to Klingon's having shorter pregnancies. Many nights, Chakotay and Tom found B'Elanna sitting with Kathryn discussing the woes of morning sickness and such with her.
B'Elanna had, like Chakotay, become quite the regular in sickbay now. She was the one who assisted in Kathryn's sponge baths and the other basic grooming she felt Kathryn would want.
Kathryn was eight and a half months pregnant when the problems began. The doctor quickly determined that both the baby and the captain could be in danger if he did not allow the baby to be born soon.
Chakotay agreed, and they arranged for the baby to be removed by fetal transport the following day.
The baby came screaming into the world, with no ill effects from the transport or the premature birth. Chakotay laid the small infant on Kathryn's chest, hoping to get any type of reaction from her. He didn't, she was just as still as she was before, showing no signs of waking up.
Chakotay picked the baby back up and held it close, then returned the baby back to the bassinet. He had stuff he had to do.
He set up day care for his son while he ran the ship during the day, and spent every evening with him in sickbay with Kathryn. He hoped she would wake up, but now, after being in a coma for over six months, he had his doubts.
~~~~~~~~~~
Present time:
"Take it easy Kathryn you have been in a coma for a long time," said Chakotay. Her waking up surprised everyone, Chakotay had been talking to the doctor about a more permanent and comfortable setting for her. He turned to look at her and there she was with her eyes wide open.
She tried to focus on him but still found it difficult, she opened her mouth, but still found it difficult to speak.
" Don't try to speak yet, that will come in time. Do you recognize me?" Chakotay asked.
She nodded her head.
"Commander, I am showing with my scans that she should be just fine in time. She is showing no permanent damage," said the doctor.
"Thank you Doctor. What about...?" He began to ask.
"I think you should wait on that for right now. Lets give her time to come to terms with all that has happened."
Chakotay turned to B'Elanna and nodded to her. B'Elanna was anxious to see Kathryn, but knew just what Chakotay needed right now. She turned to the small bassinet and removed the little boy and exited the sickbay. The Captain did not need any more shocks right now.
B'Elanna brought the baby back to her quarters for the night, where Samantha was already there sitting with B'Elanna's own daughter. The two babies born only a couple weeks apart would be a handful, but she knew she could manage it, Chakotay had the hard part right now.
She looked at the little boy, that Chakotay had named Edward Kolopak Janeway. Even now, at a month old he looked like a little double of Chakotay, with his dark hair and dark eyes. Kol, as B'Elanna began to call him did quite well, despite the fact that he was born a month early. He was small in size yet large in spirit; this little man did not like being ignored, and clearly let you know it.
"I see we have company," said Tom. "Are you sure you can handle a one month old baby and our own two week old?" he asked sounding concerned.
"Tom, she woke up," B'Elanna explained. "Chakotay is sitting with her, and the doctor doesn't think now is a good time to reveal the baby to her. It could be a huge shock."
"Wow, that's great, how is she?" Tom asked.
"Well, it's hard to say right now. She seems to be fine, but confused. I don't know about that, right now we have a little one to take care of until his mommy is ready to meet him. I think the two of us can handle that right now, don't you?"
Tom laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. How hard can these two little ones be after all?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay sat with Kathryn fighting to stay awake. He stayed with her all day checking on how the baby was on occasion. Kathryn slept most of the time, but seemed to finally be waking up.
"Hey, nice to see you awake again," said Chakotay gazing down at her.
"What...?" she managed to croak out.
"Shhh, let me explain. Do you remember the ships that attacked us?" He watched her shrug her shoulders slightly, so he continued. "Well, we were attacked. Three ships came out of nowhere and started firing. We managed to chase them away, but not before there was considerable damage."
"Ship..." she tried to say.
"Hey, just listen. The ship is fine, everything was repaired in no time at all. Except for you, there were only minor scrapes and bruises. You were the one who got it the worse. You hit your head, very hard, and have been in sickbay since then," he explained.
"How long?" she asked.
"A little over seven months," he said, watching her eyes grow in horror. "It's ok. The doc says you'll be fine. Take some time to recover here and I'll fill you in on the ship, ok?"
She nodded her head again. "What else?"
"You always did know me quite well, even after you've been sleeping this long," he laughed. "Later Kathryn, I'll explain it all later."
"Now," she demanded.
"Kathryn, I don't think you're ready for the rest. We'll leave it until later. Now you need to get some rest, let the Doctor take good care of you." He knew she would protest, so he got up, kissed her forehead and left. The Doc stepped in as soon as he left and began to check her over, leaving her no choice but to comply.
~~~~~~~~~
After finding out that Kol was back in his quarters, he wearily made his way back to find Sam and Naomi there.
"How is the Captain? I heard she is awake," said Sam.
"She is, and actually besides some confusion she is basically okay. I'm sure the actual recovery will take sometime, but we'll see how that goes later." Chakotay walked over to the crib and peered in.
"He's been wonderful this evening, drank the whole bottle and has now been sleeping for the past hour. I hope you don’t mind, Naomi couldn't wait to see him again, and we knew B'Elanna had enough to deal with, what with her own baby," said Sam.
"You know I don't mind Sam, I appreciate what this entire crew has done for us."
"How did she take the news of Kol?" Sam asked.
"I haven't told her yet, I didn't want to shock her," he admitted.
"You shouldn't wait to long, either way it will be a shock," said Sam.
"I know, I probably will do it tomorrow," he said.
"Well, I need to get my little one to bed, if you need anything else, just call, okay Commander?" she said, smiling.
"I will, and thank you," he said, smiling back.
"You're welcome," she said, as she ushered Naomi out the door.
As soon as they left he heard Kol fussing in his crib. He walked over to the crib and picked up the crying baby. "Hey little man, what is bothering you?" he asked as if he expected an answer. "Did you hear the news? Your mommy is awake, I can't wait for her to meet you, she is going to love you, you know. " He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, the baby or himself.
~~~~~~~~
The doctor made Chakotay wait two days before springing the news on her. He wanted to make sure she was stable before giving her the shocking news. Chakotay came in, a little apprehensive and approached her bio bed, "Hi, how are you feeling today?"
"Better," she replied, a little more steady than before.
"Do you think you're ready for this talk?" he asked, concern in his voice.
"I... I want to know..." she said. "Can I go... go to my quarters...?" she tried to ask.
"The doctor would like you to remain here for the time being," he explained.
"That bad?" she asked.
"Well, I don't think so, but it will probably be a shock." He took a deep breath, knowing it would only get worse if he put it off. He began, "the doctor discovered something when you were first injured." He eyed her then continued, "It seems that you were ... pregnant."
"I was pregnant?" she asked.
"Yes, two months. Obviously from our.... encounter during Teero's control." He thought for a moment then asked, "do you remember that?"
"I ... I don't think so," she admitted.
Chakotay put his head in his hands. "Oh god, I didn't even think about that. Kathryn I'm sorry. I made a decision for you that I don’t know if I should have. But it's one that I don't regret in any way or form."
"Chakotay what happened? I was pregnant?" she said, her eyes wandering down to her flat stomach. "Who? I mean, I'm assuming we..."
"Yes we did," he said.
"So we... and I ended up pregnant?" she said.
"Yes, the pregnancy was stable, and didn't affect your condition, so I asked the doctor to let the baby live. I couldn't bear the thought of terminating it as long as it didn't put you in any danger." He looked her in the eye, "we have a son, I named him Edward Kolopak Janeway, after his grandfathers. Although B'Elanna has taken to calling him Kol, it fits the little guy."
"I have a baby." She looked completely shocked.
"Kathryn, I know this is hard to take all at once. Wait until you meet him, you can't help but love him, he is wonderful."
Kathryn took a deep breath, "I don't know. This is ... too much."
"Kathryn... please understand," he began.
"I don't ... want to meet him right now," she said, looking away from Chakotay. "I'd like to rest," she stated.
Chakotay put his head down. "Alright Kathryn. Umm, there is something else. The Doc says you could move back to your quarters tomorrow if all goes well, but you will need someone to care for you at all times. I know various crewmembers would be willing to help you out here and there, but I would like to be the one to."
She looked back at him, "What about B'Elanna?"
He tried not to look hurt as he replied, after all this was a shock to her, "I guess I forgot to tell you that. B'Elanna gave birth to a daughter two weeks after you. Miral is beautiful."
" That's wonderful," she said.
"Just think about it Kathryn, we'll do whatever makes you more comfortable. Rest now," he said, then left her with her own thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~
Chakotay went straight to B'Elanna's after contacting Marla, who was watching Kol today. Marla had nothing to do at the moment and told him she could watch Kol for a little while longer.
"She is most definitely in shock B'E, she doesn't want to see the baby, she's not even curious about him," he said.
"Give her time Chakotay, this has to be a shock to hear," she said, trying to calm her distressed friend.
"There's more, she doesn't even remember conceiving him," he cried. "How do I expect her to accept a baby she doesn't even remember creating?"
"Oh boy, listen Chakotay. She is doing remarkably well right now. There are some people who have woken up from a coma and not been able to do or say anything. The fact that she has only a little memory loss is quite amazing. And it's possible her memory will come back in time," explained B'Elanna.
"Since when did you learn so much about this?" enquired Chakotay.
"Well, actually from Tom. The doctor had him reading up on as much as he could about this. He needed to be prepared for everything and thought that he would need Toms help in her recovery if she had lost more than her memory," said B'Elanna. "We want to help you and the Captain wherever we can."
"I appreciate that B'Elanna. Now I just hope she'll let me take care of her when she's released tomorrow.”
"She will Chakotay, as I see it she doesn't have many choices. And knowing how she is, she won't want just any crewman taking care of her."
"You're right. But I just can't help but feel that... I ...violated her, took advantage of her," said Chakotay.
"That’s ridiculous and you know it. Stop worrying about what happened in the past and try to help her find the future.
~~~~~~~~
B'Elanna's word still rang in Chakotay's head as he entered sickbay. "Hello Kathryn, how are you feeling today?"
She sounded hesitant, "I'm fine. Ready to go home."
"Good, and..." he began.
She interrupted him, "you know there isn't any choice, Chakotay."
"This isn't a punishment Kathryn, and if that’s how you see it, then we'll have to come up with another plan," he said angrily.
She rolled her eyes, " I know, it's just a little... weird. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother, Chakotay."
"I'm not asking you to be a mother Kathryn. I am perfectly willing to raise him on my own. What I am asking is for you to get well, and not let this come between us, and maybe, just maybe you will fall in love with Kol like I did."
"She can be ready to be transported to her quarters in about an hour, why don't you go and get them ready?" said the doctor.
Chakotay looked at Kathryn, then back to the doctor. "All right, I..." he hesitated for a moment. I need to bring the crib over anyway." He noticed a shocked look from Kathryn. "He can't stay by himself, he's a little too young."
"Of course," she said.
"Well, I'll see you in an hour," he said as he exited sickbay.
~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn materialized in the bedroom, on the bed. Chakotay was immediately by her side. "I've tried to put everything within your reach here. I'm assuming you'll want to change?"
"Yes, could you get me my sweat suit in the second drawer on the left?" she asked.
He retrieved the suit and handed it to her. "Do you need any help?"
"No, I think I can manage," he nodded to her and left her alone to dress. Kol had woken up, and Chakotay knew he would be crying soon if attention weren't paid to him. He retrieved the baby from the crib, the bottle from the replicator and sat down on the couch.
This wasn't going to be easy. If Kathryn didn't want to accept the news that she was a mother now, she may never accept it. Yet, here he was practically shoving the baby on her. He couldn't very well take care of her without having the baby around her. He was hoping this close contact would help form a bond between the two of them, but he would also have to realize that Kathryn might never want anything to do with Kol.
That was something he couldn’t understand looking down at the infant in his arms. He couldn't help but think that anyone who held him would fall helplessly in love with him. Maybe that would be all it would take; just some time for her to see just how wonderful Kol was.
"Chakotay?" yelled Kathryn from the other room.
"Are you okay, Kathryn?" he asked.
"Yes, I ...well, I was thirsty, sorry," she said.
"No problem Kathryn, what would you like, and don't say coffee," he laughed.
"Damn. Alright, how about some orange juice? That sounds great," she said.
"Alright, I'll be right there," he replied. He managed to stand and hold the baby's bottle under his chin, and made his way to the replicator. He got her juice and brought it to her.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy, It could have waited," she said, trying not to look at the squirming bundle in his arms.
"It's okay, I'm getting quite good at this. Did you want to feed him?" he asked, hoping for a positive response.
"I don't think I'm ready for that, Chakotay," she admitted.
He was disappointed but tried not to let it show. Handing her the glass of juice he said, "it's okay, I'd better get back to feeding him."
~~~~~~~~
Kathryn felt so confused. She could tell he was upset by her reaction, but right now she felt she couldn't help it. She had enough of a shock finding out she was in a coma for so long, but to add to the fact that she was pregnant and had a baby during that time was overwhelming. She tried hard to remember the months before the accident but nothing came to her. She wondered if she had known about the pregnancy before the accident, but as the doctor told her, she may never know.
Then there was the matter of Kol's conception, she so wished she could remember what happened. She had always harbored deep feelings for Chakotay, and at times wanted to act upon those feelings. But that was something that she always felt she couldn't do. Her decision on keeping the barriers up was correct, or so she thought.
Now she found out that it only took the right temptation to push her over the edge and right into his arms. What did it feel like? She wondered if she would get that chance to find out.
She only had a small glimpse of the baby, almost as if she was afraid to look. It was ridiculous, she had no reason to doubt Chakotay, and she shouldn't be acting like this. Finishing the glass of juice she lay back on the bed, but found she wasn't tired. Her hands wandered down to her belly, trying to imagine what she had looked like, what it had felt like, but nothing came to her.
Did Chakotay understand this? Or did he think she was awful for not feeling anything for the baby? She heard sounds coming from the other room, someone had come over. A few minutes later she saw someone peek around the door, "Hello?"
"Captain, it's Marla Gilmore. I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, do you mind?" she asked.
Kathryn was taken aback. "Sure, come on in."
"So, what do you think of him? He's beautiful you know, I swear, when I watch him for the Commander, I can hardly put him down," said Marla, obviously referring to Kol.
"I have to admit I haven't seen him yet," she said, suddenly uncomfortable.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess this is a little weird for you. Give it time Captain. Well, I guess I should get going, I was just going to see if a babysitter was needed, had nothing better to do. But I'll be going now, if you need anything, just call, okay?" she said sincerely.
"Of course, thank you," said Kathryn as the woman left. 'Now that was weird,' she thought to herself. Since when did Marla Gilmore come to pay the Captain a visit off duty?
"A little taken aback by that one are you?" asked Chakotay.
"Sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Yes, I didn't expect that," she admitted.
"B'Elanna and I found out Marla came to visit you quite often in sickbay. She would just sit and talk with you for hours. After the baby was born, she offered her services as daycare quite often. I've never questioned her, her help is greatly appreciated."
"Where is the baby?" she asked, noticing his empty arms.
"I laid him down in the crib, he's done eating," he said. "Do you need anything else? I was thinking about getting to sleep, Kol will be up soon."
"No, I'm tired myself, goodnight Chakotay," she said, settling herself in the bed.
"Sleep well Kathryn," he smiled then left her alone in the room.
~~~~~~~
By the following night, Kathryn was truly bored. Chakotay had given her plenty of reading material to catch up on, but one can only do so much reading in a day. Now she was royally sick of her bed and longed to get up and move, but still found herself far to weak to do it.
"Kathryn, is something wrong?" said Chakotay.
"No, I'm fine," she lied.
He tried coaxing her, "Oh come on, what's wrong?"
"Well, I'm bored," she admitted.
He laughed, "Is that all. Would you like to join me out in the living area?"
She hesitated for a moment. "Well I guess that’s better than sitting in here." She allowed Chakotay to carry her to the couch. He settled her in then went back to his chair.
It wasn't long before Kol once again got fussy, Chakotay quickly got up, murmuring to him, "now just what surprises do you have in that diaper for me little man?" He laid the baby on the couch next to Kathryn and began to change him. "Watch out Kathryn, he has great aim."
Kathryn couldn't help it, she laughed out loud. She couldn’t take her eyes off the baby squirming on the couch. "Has he got you a few times Chakotay?"
"A few? I'd say a lot more than a few. I hadn't done this before so I wasn't very quick in the beginning." He finished changing the diaper than picked him up, he had decided last night not to push her at all, and she would ask when she was ready. He just didn't realize how soon that would be. He got the bottle from the replicator than went to go sit down to feed him.
"Chakotay? Can I try?" she asked almost shyly.
"Try? You mean feed him? Of course," he said.
He handed her the baby, helping her settle him in her arms, and tried to hand her that bottle. She didn't pay attention but simply stared at the wonder in her arms, " I wish I was aware of his creation, of when he grew inside of me. I feel so apart from him, like I don't even know him."
"You don't yet, but you can still do it. He's a baby, he'll learn who you are by interaction. I don't want to force this on you Kathryn, I'm not sure what to do here."
"Chakotay, I can't seem to get something out of my head, but it doesn't make any sense to me," she said, as she watched the baby suckle on the bottle.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, me in the brig, with you there too. It seems disjointed, it doesn't make any sense to me," she said.
Chakotay smiled, "Well, I could give you the basic report on that whole incident. When Teero took control of our minds, it wasn't a pretty time. But, the part your remembering," he paused for a moment. "Well, that was when we created him, or at least around the time we created him."
"In the brig? You have to be kidding me, we created our son in the brig, while you were under mind control," she said disbelieving. "Did we continue the relationship?"
"No, I think you remember that we were friends before." Seeing her nod her response he continued, "we mutually decided that we wanted to keep that friendship, and that a relationship wouldn't be wise at that time."
"I see, so what does this mean for Kol? I guess I just find it hard to believe that two friends can raise a child with no relationship," she said a little angrily.
"Kathryn, don't get me wrong, I, without a doubt love you. I have for a very long time, but..." he tried to continue but she interrupted.
"I know, it would complicate things on the ship. I just am still confused, so I guess my questions don't make a lot of sense. I remember almost everything from before, not those few months before the accident, but everything else. I guess just seeing the baby, knowing he's mine, I don't see how it all fits in. How can I hold on to the standards I set, and yet raise a child with you?" She shook her head and went back to look at the now sleeping baby in her arms.
"Here let me put in back in the crib," said Chakotay carefully lifting Kol and laying him down in the crib. "There isn't any easy answers here, Kathryn. I say we do this one day at a time, giving you time to recover and get to know our son. Everything else will just fall into place. Yes, this does change everything, I for one hope there will be a future for us. But we'll see how that unfolds as we get used to everything else."
"What about living arrangements? I won't need you here forever." She stated.
"Well, if you don't want us living together, than we can always put a doorway in-between our rooms. With a little rearranging we can make an area with complete access for the both of us, yet private area for us also."
"I don't know Chakotay, let me think about this okay?"
"Of course Kathryn," he said, trying not to show any disappointment.
They spent the rest of the evening in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn made a remarkable recovery; after only two weeks, she was back on her feet, although she was still a little unsteady. Her memory just before the accident began to return, including the night in the brig.
She was still confused about her feelings for Chakotay, torn between her belief of a commanding officer not having relations with a member of her crew and her strong feelings for Chakotay. She began to wonder if there was a possibility that a relationship may not be as complicated as she thought.
She and Chakotay were getting along wonderfully now. Tom Paris even commented that they were like an old married couple already.
Her bond with Kol grew strong, in fact the baby often cried when she gave him up for someone else. Chakotay often laughed at her saying she was spoiling him rotten. She couldn't help it, it seemed once she picked him up she just couldn't bear to put him down.
It was late one evening, after Chakotay had put Kol to bed, that she brought up the conversation, "Chakotay, did you mean what you said, when you..." She stopped, quickly losing the nerve to continue.
"Mean what?" he asked.
"Well, when you said that you loved me?" she asked.
He smiled, then approached her. Taking her face in his hands he tilted her head up and brought his lips to hers. "I love you with all my heart, Kathryn, but I won't push you. If and when you're ready, it'll happen."
She smiled at him, "you know, if you want ... you don't have to go to your quarters tonight."
"Kathryn?"
"Well, I think I would like...well," what the hell was her problem she thought, "okay, I would like you to stay with me tonight."
"Kathryn, I think it's too early for us to..."
"I don't necessarily mean sex, Chakotay, besides at my checkup this morning the doctor said it would be fine." She watched him, the shocked expression growing. "I would just like to hold you tonight, be held."
"Don't get me wrong Kathryn, you know you don't have to ask twice, but where is this coming from?" he asked.
"I guess it's quite simple, I know I love you. And I know I loved you before, I just let my beliefs about command and protocol stand in the way." She paused a moment before continuing on, " all I can think about is I was lucky this time, very lucky. It could have been a lot worse, and I could have died, never telling you how I feel. I haven't changed my mind, I still feel a relationship could complicate things, but I guess I still am willing to give it a try. I think we could work this out, I want to try."
He pulled her into his arms, and kissed her passionately. Breaking away he said, "we can work this out, we're both adults and mature enough to make the right decisions on and off the bridge. Now I think it's time for both of us to go to bed," taking her hand he led her to the bedroom.
They both climbed into bed after changing into their nightclothes, Kathryn snuggling right into Chakotay. It surprised him yet he pulled her close, "I could really get used to this," he murmured.
She sighed, "same here." Her hand wandered to his bare chest to rest there. "You know, I really wanted this before. I find it funny now how stubborn I was, its just so simple, so right." She was trying hard to stay awake, yet was so comfortable that she couldn't help drifting off. Chakotay's words of love were the last thing she heard as she drifted off.
At some point she stirred in her sleep, her bottom pressing against Chakotay. She instantly froze and came completely awake, realizing what she was feeling. She glanced over her shoulder at him, he was sound asleep, and yet hard as a rock. A smile crept to her lips; she had surprised him a lot today, why not keep going?
Turning to face him, she slipped her hand hesitantly into the opening of his boxers. She could feel him in there, hot and hard, and quickly withdrew her hand. Just what was she thinking here? She bit her lower lip, and made a quick decision; too many times she had backed off and nearly lost him for good, left him to raise their child by himself. No more, she wouldn't wait anymore.
She reached back in and gently grasped his hard member and carefully eased it out. Her mouth watered as it came into view, her finger wiped the small drop of precum that sat at the small opening and she brought the finger to his mouth to taste him.
His eyes opened and met hers, a smile playing on his lips. " Hello there," he said sleepily.
"Someone woke up before you did," she said in a sultry voice.
He gasped at the sensation as her hand made slow strokes up and down the shaft, "Kathryn, if you don't stop, I won't be able to."
"I don't want you to stop," she said leaning forward to capture his mouth.
He met her passion, tongue snaking out just to graze her lips. Smiling he moved from her lips to make a trail down her neck, eliciting a groan from Kathryn.
"Like that?" he asked with a chuckle.
"You have no idea," she moaned.
He kissed and nuzzled his way down until he met her breasts, taking one in his hand and the other in his mouth, bringing the nipples to hard pebbles, sending ripples of pleasure throughout her. She wound her legs around his waist, securing him in place, "I want you now Chakotay."
"Kathryn," he moaned in response. He pulled away and removed his boxers than rid her of all clothing. "You are so beautiful," he moaned before moving down her body, placing kisses as he went.
He reached the juncture between her legs and dove right in.
"Chakotayyyyy, Oh yess," she moaned as she felt her orgasm building fast. She bucked against him, one hand on his head, keeping in place, the other gripping the sheets tightly. She didn't have to wait long before her orgasm hit her causing a scream of pleasure to rip from her throat.
"Kathryn," said Chakotay as he moved back up her, placing his hard member at her entrance. He thought they should be quiet as not to wake the baby, but as his member slipped into her, he soon lost all rational thought. He tried to move slow but found it impossible, and quickened the pace. Slipping one hand between them, he stroked her sensitive bundle to make sure she joined him, both were soon screaming out their releases.
He collapsed onto her. "You are incredible, Kathryn."
She reached up to trace his tattoo, "you are the incredible one Chakotay. You never gave up on me, through protocol, a coma, me just plain being stubborn. Thank you, for your patience and love."
He leaned closer to kiss her gently on the lips, "you are worth it Kathryn, we're a family now and forever."
They were both woken out of their trance by a cry from the other room. "Oh no, I think we woke the baby." She pushed Chakotay off of her.
"I can get him Kathryn," he stated, starting to get up.
"No, that’s fine," she said, slipping off the bed. She slipped on her robe but didn’t tie it as she made her way over to Kol. "Hey little man, did mommy and daddy wake you up?" She picked him up, and found him trying to latch onto her breast. "Now how would you know about that? You boys are all alike, here mommy will get you a bottle."
Chakotay just sat on the bed chuckling to himself, he never had a reason to be worried, for life and love always works itself out in the end.
End