Ok, ok, I know I’m
doing it again. So it’smy mind, I’m having fun.
rated nc17
MISTAKES
By sheri
Kathryn sat in the shuttle, shivering from the cold. They were stuck on something; they had no clue what. She and Tom Paris were cruising along at impulse when they came to a sudden stop. They were surveying a few planets, looking for a few supplies, and were now heading back to voyager. They were at least fifteen hours away from the rendezvous point with voyager, and couldn’t get the shuttle to budge an inch; it had already been 5 hours. Environmental controls were malfunctioning, so the temperature began to drop, but life support was still working fine; they had no other power.
She hit the panel, yelling a few curses.
“I don’t think that will help any.” Laughed Tom.
“Well at this point I sure don’t think it will hurt.”
“You may have a point there Captain. I wasn’t going to say anything, I’m sure it’s just the cold, but do you feel funny, Captain.”
“Funny? Mr. Paris”
“Well, yeah, funny. I can’t explain it really, I’m not dizzy, but I am, you know, funny.”
“Well, now that you say that, I guess I do, feel a little… funny.”
He laughed, “let me grab the medical tricorder, and see if it shows anything.” He grabbed the medkit, and opened it. Tom pulled out the tricorder and scanned each of them. “I don’t see anything.”
“Well it could have to do with this area of space Tom. Something definitely is not right here. To stop us completely, and drain our power, I’m sure it’s going to have some effects on us too. I wouldn’t worry about it. Let’s get back to the environmental controls, we will be frozen by time voyager finds us if we can’t get them stabilized.”
“Aye, Aye captain.” He answered, and went right back to work.
************
They continued to work diligently on the environmental controls for the next couple of hours, trying to get it to work, it still didn’t. The main problem was that funny feeling didn’t go away. Tom didn’t want to admit that the feeling was turning one into arousal, extreme arousal, he was trying to hide it, but it was getting difficult. Despite the fact that he was happily married to Belanna, he was getting the strongest urge to grab his captain, an urge he was finding hard to control.
What Tom didn’t know was his Captain was having the same problem, she knew her pants were drenched, and she knew why they were. Sure Tom was a good looking man, but she never found herself actually attracted to him. Besides, even though it wasn’t yet consummated, she and Chakotay had something, a little beyond friendship. She didn’t like this feeling, it felt like she had absolutely no control, and control wasn’t some she liked to give up.
She stood up and leaned against the front console, rubbing her arms, she tried to avoid Toms gaze. He also stood up, and ended up face to face with her. She looked up and that’s all it took. His mouth locked onto hers with a ferocity that she was not familiar with, she met his hunger though and eagerly returned the kiss.
He lifted her onto the console so her bottom rested, and proceeded to remove her pants. He got them off in no time at all, removed his down to the knees, tested her readiness with one of his fingers then plunged his hard member in.
Kathryn gasped, it had been a long time since she was with a man, and it hurt. But the pain quickly turned to pleasure and she began meeting his thrusts. The build up began, quicker than it ever had before, it only took a couple more thrusts and Tom found himself coming, pouring his seed into her. Kathryn came with him, her screams reverberating off the shuttle wall.
*************
They quickly regained their composure, and that’s when reality struck. “Captain, I’m sorry. Oh my god, what have we done?”
Kathryn slinked off the console and reached for her pants, she quickly put them on. “I don’t know where that came from. Tom, we shouldn’t have done that.” She was completely shocked with her behavior, and for once, had no explanation.
“I know, I’m a married man for god sakes. I love Belanna, I would never cheat on her, she’s going to kill me.”
Kathryn tried to gain control of the situation, rationalize it. “Tom I can’t explain this, and I doubt you can. This is something we may never know. I know I don’t want anyone to know this happened, not Belanna, not Chakotay, I have something to lose here too.” She wanted to cry, but that wasn’t an option, she was the Captain.
“I know, I’m sorry. But this has me freaked out. Its not that you are not a beautiful woman, but I never really had plans on doing that with you. I don’t want them to find out, I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t Tom because we aren’t going to say a thing.”
“Ok, I can agree with that. At least I’m a lot warmer now.”
She looked at him and laughed, only Tom would say something like that, “true, so am i.”
*************
Voyager arrived several hours later. They were relieved when they were beamed back home, but were quickly met by the doctor. “The two of you were in near freezing conditions on that shuttle, I would like to have a look at you in sickbay.”
“Doctor, all I want to do is go take a nice warm bath, I will come by later if you need, but right now, I have other plans.” She quickly exited the transporter room and headed for her quarters. She couldn’t let even the doctor find out what happened. Yes, she wanted an explanation for her and Toms encounter, but if the doctor found out, with the gossip that he was, Belanna and Chakotay could find out. That was something she wanted to avoid.
************
She took a shower, a real water shower, letting the warm water caress her. The incident in the shuttle kept running over her mind. What made them do it? Why? Oh, Tom was an attractive man, but this was uncontrollable, like if they didn’t they would die. The urgency of the need surprised her, she hadn’t yet faced Chakotay, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She also wanted to avoid the doctor, he was one of the biggest gossips on the ship, and she didn’t need him finding out what happened. She wanted an explanation, but also just wanted to forget it ever happened. It was best that it would all be just swept under the carpet, no need for Belanna or Chakotay to find out about it.
She finished her shower, dried off and headed for bed, she knew sleep would be a long time coming, but she could at least try. The guilt that plagued her was becoming overwhelming, and she had to find a way to get past it. She snuggled into the covers, and was asleep a short time later.
************
Facing Chakotay was difficult, yet she managed a flawless performance. She hoped he would not be able to tell that something was bothering her, and she did indeed pull it off. If he suspected anything, he didn’t say it.
The doctor harassed her to come down to sickbay, and she once again managed to get out of it, “I’m too busy doctor, and I really don’t see any point in it. I’m fine, that is obvious.”
“Captain, but I insist…” the doctor began over the COM link.
“No, and that’s final, now I really need to get back to work.” She cut of the link, not allowing him to continue. ‘That should take care of that.’ She thought to herself.
**********
She and Chakotay fell back into their usual routine of occasional dinners, meeting in the holodeck and the occasional good night kiss. He never pushed her to move forward, she had told him how she felt about him, but also said she wasn’t ready to take it any further. He understood and was happy with what they had. Most of the ship was aware of the relationship, and although most assumed that there was more to it, no one dared question it. The incident was not forgotten, but was pushed to the back of her mind. She still didn’t understand why it happened, but was grateful that Tom hadn’t brought it up either. Belanna and he seemed just fine, everything was just the way it should be.
It had been a couple months since the incident in the shuttle, and no one was wiser. Tom and Belanna had just announced that they were expecting their first child in another 7 months. And the ship seemed to be a buzz from this latest news. Kathryn tried to show her enthusiasm, yet, her constant nausea put quite the damper on that. After throwing up for the fifth morning in a row, she decided it was time for a visit to sick bay.
“Captain, this is a surprise, what can I do for you?”
“I feel awful, I can’t seem to shake this… whatever it is?”
“Well what are the symptoms?” he asked as he began to scan her with a tricorder.
“I’ve been vomiting nearly every morning for the past five days.”
“Hmmm. I see.” He answered, and continued his scan, “Ah ha, there it is. I see your problem now.”
“Well, what is it?” she asked a little concerned.
“It seems, you are due just a month behind Lieutenant Torres, congratulations Captain.”
“What?” this had to be a nightmare.
“Captain, I take it this was not planned?”
Kathryn managed to swallow the bile rising in her throat, and choked out “no, it was not.”
“I see, well, planned or not, you are indeed going to have a baby. Do you need me to scan for parentage?”
“NO.” she yelled, “You will not, I know exactly who the father is, but you will keep this to yourself, is that understood?”
“Of course Captain.” He placed a hypospray to her neck, “that should take care of the nausea and also includes some much needed vitamins. Please start eating better, you are now eating for two, and come see me if you experience any problems.”
“Of course doctor, thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me?”
“Yes, of course.” He answered, then when about his work. “But I will want to do a more thorough scan soon.”
“Of course doctor, later.” She quickly exited
sickbay
************
Kathryn made her way back to her quarters in a daze, she entered and made her way back to her bedroom, where she sat on the bed, put her head in her hands and began to cry. ‘What in the world am I going to do now? I can’t tell Chakotay, it would break his heart. I can’t tell Tom, he and his wife are expecting their own baby.’
She knew there were options for her, options that she should take, but she couldn’t. Murdering an unborn child was something she couldn’t do under any circumstances. She was going to have this child, whether she liked it or not. And she had no choice but to tell Chakotay. Oh this would kill him, she thought she would lose him for sure. How could he understand that this was not something planned, that she had never planned on sleeping with Tom? Let alone have his baby. How was Belanna going to understand this? She needed time to think; to figure out what to do. And she knew that time was short.
***********
Chakotay watched the Captain out of the corner of his eye. She sat quietly in the center chair, attempting to read the latest report from astrometrics, but he could tell, her mind was not on the padd in front of her. She had been a little distant for the past couple of weeks now, and before that he knew she wasn’t feeling well. She had her mood swings, which he had learned to live with; it was a part of her that he had long ago learned to accept. But now, this was different. There was definitely something bothering her, and he needed to get to the bottom of it, now.
He sent her a quick message, ‘meet me after our shift for dinner? I’ll cook!’
He saw she received it, and almost looked as if she wasn’t going to accept. After a few minutes, she sent the answer back, it simply stated ‘ok.’ Something was definitely bothering her.
***********
Kathryn was pacing her quarter’s not wanting to head to her intended destination, she was due at Chakotay’s in five minutes, and she knew the truth would come out tonight. She was not ready to lose her best friend, the man she had grown to love more than life itself, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She was already noticing her clothes were a little tighter, and it wouldn’t be much longer before she would start to show her condition.
She sighed, then headed out of her quarters, directly to Chakotay’s. He let her in as soon as she rang the chime, and seated her at the table; dinner was already ready to eat.
“Kathryn, are you just going to pick at it, or actually eat it?” he asked, slightly annoyed. She had barely touched the food on her plate.
“I’m sorry Chakotay, I guess I’m not very hungry.” She said quietly.
“Alright, spill it, what is wrong?”
She was quickly losing her nerve, “nothing, I’m just not hungry tonight.”
“Somehow I don’t believe you. I could tell something was wrong for the past two weeks. I’ve been trying to give you time to work it out, but now I want to help. Please tell me, what’s bothering you?” he pleaded.
Kathryn couldn’t stop the tears from welling up, she got up from the table and walked over to the view port, “I’ve done something awful Chakotay, unforgivable, and now I’m going to pay for it, in so many ways.”
Chakotay walked up behind her and enveloped her in a hug, “Kathryn, what ever it is, we’ll work it out together, I promise.”
His heartfelt words only made her cry harder, “you shouldn’t say that, not when you don’t know.”
“Then tell me Kathryn, let me help you.” He steered her to the couch, and sat down beside her. Putting his hand underneath her chin, he lifted her face to meet his eyes, “tell me.”
She gulped, “I don’t know how to tell you this…” and so she began the story of what happened in the shuttle.
“Chakotay, that’s not all, I just found out… I’m pregnant.”
Chakotay ran his hand through his hair, looking down at the floor. He looked back up at her, not ready to say anything, he was afraid of what he might say if he did.
“Chakotay, speak to me, please.” Kathryn pleaded.
“I don’t think I should right now Kathryn.”
“I’m sorry, I am so sorry.” The tears were rolling off her cheeks.
Chakotay knew the tears would break him, he couldn’t stay here, now. He didn’t say a word, just got up and left. He needed to think, and he couldn’t do that around her. He went to his quarters, leaving Kathryn crying on the floor.
**********
Kathryn wasn’t sure how long she sat there, knee’s drawn up to her chin. She understood his anger, but wasn’t prepared for what she heard shortly after Chakotay left, it was the sound of something breaking next door. God, how could she do this, she was ruining so many lives by this. Her own especially, she would probably never have Chakotay again. She finally managed to get up off of the floor, and made her way to bed. Climbing under the covers, the tears began once again, and continued while she slept.
***********
Chakotay sat watching the woman sleeping
on the bed, it was so typical, his life, why did he always have to be the
one who came in second. Oh he knew Kathryn didn’t honestly want all of
this to happen, but it still didn’t change the fact that it did. Once again,
Tom was the one who got her, and he was left to pick up the pieces. He
couldn’t forget about the time he and Tuvok found them on that murky planet,
they had mated and had three children. Sure they were lizards at the time
and couldn’t help what had happened, but it still hurt him the same. Now
Kathryn was going to have a baby, Tom’s baby. There was a part of him that
wanted to run, leave her to deal with this on her own. He didn’t know how
in the world he would be able to look at that baby, and not remember all
of this.
But looking down at her, she looked so peaceful, he could have this, every day of his life. His mind drifted back to the time when he thought seska’s child was his and his father’s words to him on acceptance. The situation may be different, but still much the same, Kathryn needed him, more than she ever had before. He could make a difference to that little life that grew inside of her, he could raise the child as his own. He would be able to do this, over time the hurt would fade, and hopefully be replaced by love.
**************
Kathryn woke to an unfamiliar feeling of warmth, she turned her head to find herself face to face with Chakotay, and they were in her bed. “Hey, good morning.” He said sleepily.
“Good morning.” She said sounding a little confused.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
“Chakotay, you had every right to be angry.” She said, her hand fiddling with the sheet, she couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I suppose I did, I was angry, but I’m ok now. I realized something last night, I realized that it would kill me to lose you. I don’t know how we will get over this, but I know we will. I also remembered some wise words from my father, and I think I have come up with a solution to this Kathryn.”
“What is it?” She asked warily.
“Let me be the baby’s father, no one will have to know, except for us.” That wasn’t an easy decision for him, but he loved this woman, and all knew he made his share of mistakes.
“I can’t ask you to do that Chakotay, it’s not fair to you. I made the mistake, and I have to learn how to live with what I have done.”
“Kathryn, just how do you feel for me? Honestly, from your heart.”
“Chakotay, … It’s not that. It’s just…”
“No Kathryn, how do you feel? It’s a simple question really, just answer it.”
“I… I love you.” She said in a whisper.
“I love you too, and I will love this baby, like it’s my own Kathryn. I know it’s going to be a bumpy road, we have a lot to work out here, but we can do it. Tom and Belanna don’t have to know. It can be between us.”
“How can you not hate me for what I have done?”
“We talked about this last night Kathryn and I don’t think we need to bring that up again. Hey, how could you love me after seska, I brought her to your ship, nearly cost you your ship. I thought all I deserved was the airlock after that. We all have made mistakes at one time or another; we all have to live with them. Tom has made plenty in his lifetime, but what he has with Belanna is special, I don’t want to see that end anymore than you do. I love you, therefore I love this baby, I will be a good father to her and I will never make her feel that I am anything but her father, please Kathryn, let me help you with this, the rest will work itself out in the end.”
She sighed and laid onto his chest, she knew deep down he was right, this could work out. “Alright Chakotay, I know we can do this.”
Chakotay held her close, his heart was waging
a war inside, but she needed him now, he would work all of this out eventually.
************
They made the announcement a few weeks later, after they were used to the news themselves. They waited until after the weekly staff meeting was over before informing the senior staff. They all received a round of congratulations, and Kathryn received a hug from Belanna, who then ran off muttering something about her engines. Chakotay left to go take the bridge leaving Kathryn alone for a moment. Or so she thought, “Is it mine?” Tom asked.
“No, Tom it isn’t.”
“Bullshit, I bet I could time the conception, right down to the minute, it falls right into place, and you know it.”
“You’re out of line lieutenant.” She angrily stated.
“Am I? Tell me the truth, I know you hadn’t been with Chakotay before, that was quite obvious, so…?”
“Tom I gave you the answer, now get out, or I’ll have you thrown into the brig. Please, It’s Chakotay’s, don’t ruin your marriage over this.” ‘Shit she shouldn’t have said that.’
“Captain, but if…”
“No Tom, please, you know it’s the only option, don’t you agree?”
Tom looked at the floor, god this was such a mess. “I know, your right, thank you Captain, I should take my post.” And he left, without another word.
************
Kathryn sat numbly in her quarters, she was so confused. Did she have a right to deny Tom his child, was that what she was doing, denying him, or was she protecting him. She knew Chakotay would be here soon, she had taken the rest of the day off, no one questioned why, but Chakotay would know, or at least have an idea. He knew Tom stayed after everyone else left.
“So does he know?” came a voice out of the darkness.
“Yes, he does.” She answered quietly.
“What does he want?” asked Chakotay.
“I don’t know, I didn’t give him the chance, told him it was yours and that was that. I know it was wrong, but…”
“But you don’t want Belanna to know, it would kill her. Then again, it might not. We don’t know. Give Tom some time to let this sink in, then ask him what he wants.” He took her hand and pulled her towards him, enveloping her in a hug. He was so torn at times. This baby should have been his, and yet, he couldn’t hurt Kathryn, his heart would work this out somehow.
***********
As the weeks flew by everything seemed to get a little easier, Kathryn did not have to worry about Tom, she encountered him late one night as he was getting off a shift from sick bay, “Tom I think we should talk. We have to work this out, some way so it’s fair to…”
“Captain, I’m sorry, I have not given my proper congratulations. You and the Commander will make wonderful parents.” He had thought about it a lot, and the conclusion came down to, he couldn’t lose Belanna over this. He did not want to be a father to her child, he had one on the way with Belanna, and he did not want this one. He would not have abandoned her but what else was there to do.
“Tom, thank you, I don’t know what to say?”
“There is nothing to say, I’m happy for you and Chakotay, and I’m happy for me and Belanna. I’m glad it’s working out for the better.”
The two departed, and Kathryn finally felt better than she had in days. She was on her way to the bridge when the doctor contacted her. “Captain, I was wondering when I could see you in sick bay, I still would like to get a good check up on you, after all…”
Kathryn sighed, “how about after my shift doctor?”
“That would be fine Captain, thank you?”
Chakotay laughed at the captains exasperated look, “You know he’s going to be on you every second?”
She sat in her chair and gave him a sneer, “Just like you will be too, right?”
“Of course, do you mind if I join you in sick bay?”
“No I guess that would be fine.” She smiled at him, she was really a lucky woman to have someone like him.
************
“Alright Captain, why don’t you put on this gown, and lie down on the bio bed, I’m going to examine you from head to toe.”
She grabbed the gown, went into the bathroom to change, and then did just as the doctor ordered. He began the scan walking up and down the bed, making comments to him self. He stopped at her stomach, and made a few scans of the baby, then proceeded to scan the rest of her.
After 30 minutes, he finished “Alright Captain, the computer is putting together everything I need, why don’t you get dressed, and once your finished, we can go over everything.”
She complied and returned a few minutes later; the doctor was in his office with a very puzzled look on his face. “Captain, why don’t you join me in here, just you right now please.”
“Doctor, I thank you for you discretion, but Chakotay is to be involved in every part of this pregnancy, after all…” she paused as she turn to smile at him, “he’s going to be a daddy in a few months.”
“Well Captain, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, one of the things actually.”
“Doctor, before you say anything else, I know it’s not his, and so does he, we already have that part worked out, and are hoping for your complete discretion in this matter, there are people who could be hurt if this information got out. Tom knows and he agrees with us. So now, what else have you found?”
“Well, I concentrated quite a few scans on your brain, the tricorder picked something up, that isn’t quite explained. I have a lot of data to go over, but have you experienced, in the past few months, any moments of dizziness or disorientation?”
“Actually doctor, yes I have, you have an explanation for this?”
“When was this?”
“In the shuttle with Tom, he did too.”
“He did? Well I’m going to want to examine him also, see if I find the same thing. Captain, I’m finding… what I’ll explain as a foot print, in your brain, left my something, possibly alien. Let me assure you, what ever it was is long gone, but there are residual traces present, that you were, for a short time joined by something else. I’m sorry, the explanation right now is so vague, I have to examine Mr. Paris first, and go over everything, and then maybe I can come up with more information for you. But right now, I’m just not sure.”
Kathryn was numb, all this time; there was a reason she and Tom jumped on each other in the shuttle, and the reason being something else was controlling them. It made her feel violated, but also slightly relieved. “I’d like to go back to my quarters now if you’re finished.”
“I am for right now, I’ll let you know if I find anything else. Oh and Captain, I would like you to reduce your coffee intake down to one cup a day.”
“Fine doctor.” She said angrily, and motioned Chakotay to follow her.
************
Chakotay watched her carefully the whole trip back to her quarters; he had to admit that he was relieved that there was an explanation to the reason she slept with tom. He would have stood by her, no matter what, yet this made it easier.
They reached her quarters and entered, she proceeded to the replicators and ordered them both some tea, then went to the couch, he followed.
“How do you feel?”
“Numb really. I avoided the doctor after the … incident, so he wouldn’t find out what happened. Now I find out I should have, how long was that… thing with us, controlling us.”
“Kathryn, I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think it was really controlling you, or I would have noticed something.”
“What?” she was angry, “just what are you saying commander?”
“If you would let me continue, I don’t think it was controlling you, you said it your self, that neither of you felt right, I think it was more like influencing you.”
She softened a bit, “maybe your right. I don’t know, I’m hungry and tired, and just don’t want to think about this right now, ok.”
“Alright, let me find us something to eat, then it’s off to bed.”
“Ok, thanks, something light please.”
“Soup, how does that sound?”
“Chicken noodle please, I think I need something to make me feel better, chicken soup is wonderful for that.” Sighed Kathryn.
“I thought that was my job?” he laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“Oh don’t worry, you do.”
They ate in silence, and then Kathryn went to the bedroom to change. Chakotay cleared the dishes, then waited for her to change into her nightclothes. They hadn’t yet crossed that invisible line; he was waiting for her to be ready.
It had been at least ten minutes and there was still no sign of Kathryn, worried, he peaked around the corner, to find her sound asleep on the bed. He laughed to himself then went to tuck her in. He was about to leave, when he heard her faintly say, “Stay, please.”
“I would love to Kathryn.” He said, removing his clothes, down to his boxers, then climbed in besides her, pulling her close, he fell into a blissful slumber.
*************
It was a week later when the Doctor called the Captain and Tom into his office, “I’m sorry I don’t have more for you, but I can assure you that what ever it was, it is no longer present, It seemed to be there for only a short time.”
“Doctor, were we taken over here, or what, I’d really like to know?” asked Tom.
“I don’t think so, the pattern I’m seeing is almost similar to telepathy, my best guess is that someone was tapping into your minds, influencing you to do… well you know what.”
“Yes doctor, we are well aware of what influences it had.”
“Doctor, if you don’t mind, could I have a moment alone with Captain Janeway?”
“Of course, just reactivate me when you are finished. Computer deactivate EMH.” And he shimmered out of existence.
“Captain, I … I’m glad to know, this wasn’t my hormones out of control or something, and I still feel the same way, I love my wife, I don’t want to lose her. But Captain, I feel so guilty for it. I want her to know, one look at the baby and it will be obvious it’s not Chakotay’s, besides, I think she would understand now. I…”
“I understand what your saying Tom. I don’t like the fact that she is the one completely in the dark here, but I need some time to think about this, and I think you do to, this could still make her angry enough to leave you, are you prepared for that?”
He sighed, “I’ll think about it, but I hate lying to her. I will go with what ever you decide though, just let me know.”
“I will Tom, soon. Now I suggest we get back to our shifts.”
“Aye captain.”
**************
Kathryn made her way back to the bridge, and went directly to her ready room. Once there she called for Chakotay. He was there seconds later.
“So what did the doctor have to say?”
“You were right, he thinks it was something like a telepathic influence, the more I think about it, we probably fell right into some kind of trap. It stopped the shuttle dead, cut power, and… well you know the rest. He believes the influence was gone the moment we went back to voyager, at least that’s a relief.”
“But there is something else bothering you? What is it Kathryn?”
“Everything, god Chakotay. First of all Tom wants to tell Belanna, he hates lying to her, and I don’t blame him, I’m just not sure how she is going to take it. Second, you. This has been so unfair to you, how can you just take all of this in stride. You are willing to be a father in a few more months, yet you and I have never even made love.”
“Kathryn, when the time is right we will, I’m in no hurry. The baby is a part of you, and I love you, I can’t help but love it. And Belanna, now that is a tough one. I agree with Tom, it’s not fair to keep her in the dark about this, but I understand how you feel. I’m here for you, whatever you decide.”
“Oh I’ve already decided, I’m going to let him tell her. If he wants me there, I’ll be there. I just don’t want him to lose her because of this.”
“I know Kathryn, I know.”
“Well, here it goes. Mr. Paris, could you please come to my ready room?”
“I’ll be right there ma’am.” He entered a few moments later, “What can I do for you Captain?”
“Tom, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to let you tell Belanna. Did you want me to go with you?”
“Thank you Captain, but I think it would be best to let me do this alone.”
“Very well Tom, let me know how it goes.”
“I will, and Captain, Thank you.” He just hoped his honesty didn’t lose him the woman he loves.
“You’re welcome.”
*************
Tom looked up at Belanna, once again while he played with the food on the plate, “alright, that’s it. What is the problem here?” Yelled Belanna.
“I think we need to talk. Actually I need to tell you something, but…”
“But what, come on it can’t be that bad. Tom we made a promise that we would try to tell each other everything, now come on, what is it?”
He sighed and got up from the table, made a motion for her to join him on the couch, she did. “Belanna, I want to tell you, but … I don’t want to lose you over this.”
“Is it that bad Tom?” she asked, getting a little worried.
“Yes, and no. Oh god, how do I tell you this? Ok, firsts of all, please, hear everything out, before you react. It’s important to hear everything.”
“Tom I don’t like the sound of this, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry, I am so so sorry. Ok here goes. Remember, a little over four months ago, when the Captain and I were in the shuttle, and it got stuck? Well, we left out a few details of what happened.”
Belanna looked at him warily, “Ok, I remember. Go on.”
“Something happened while we were stuck, neither of us could make any sense out of it, but now the doctor thinks he may have found an explanation. He’s found evidence that we may have been telepathically influenced. He said it was likely that we couldn’t help it, we probably had no control.”
“You’re avoiding the subject Tom, just tell me.” She was getting angry.
Tom looked down at his hands; “We had sex!” It needed no further explanation.
“You what!” she yelled, “You had sex with the Captain…” She got up and began pacing around the room, a million thoughts running through her mind. That’s when it suddenly hit her. “The baby is yours isn’t it?”
“Yes, ii is.”
“Get out, just get out.”
“Belanna please, I’m sorry, I don’t want to lose you over this, please.”
“Tom I need time to think, and I can’t with you here, please just go.”
“Alright, I think Harry would let me stay with him, please, I love you, remember that.”
“I know Tom, just give me time ok.”
He nodded and left their quarters, hopefully not for good.
*************
Kathryn was in heaven, god, she never imagined making love could be like this, and they hadn’t even got all their clothes off yet. Chakotay had managed to get her top of and was kissing every inch of exposed skin; his hands were slowly fondling her breast, “oh, that feels so good.”
He just looked up and smiled. He wasn’t sure what led them to this, he had thought she would want to wait longer, but the evening started off with dinner and ended up in bed. He made his way down to her belly and ran his large hand over the small swell, “now I hope your asleep little one, because me and your mommy are going to make love.” He kissed her belly and moved up to her breast.
Kathryn let out a small laugh, only this man would do something like that, “I love you Chakotay.”
“Hmmm. I love you too Kathryn.” He said before he took one of her breasts into his mouth.
“Torres to Chakotay.” Came over the Comm system.
Chakotay growled before slapping his badge, “What can I do for you Belanna?”
“Chakotay, I need to talk to you, right now.” She demanded.
They both knew what this was probably about. Kathryn nodded her understanding, “I’ll be right there Belanna, give me a minute, ok.”
“Fine, I’ll be waiting.” She said.
He looked to Kathryn, “I’m sorry.” He said, giving her a gentle kiss.
“No Chakotay, It’s ok. She needs you to help sort this out. I hope Tom is alright.”
“I’m sure it will all be ok, I’ll go talk to her. If this doesn’t go all night, can I come back?”
“Of course, just use your override. I’ll be waiting.” She laughed.
“Oh I bet you will.” Only he would have this luck, the first time they were going to make love, and it was interrupted.
**************
As soon as Chakotay stepped into Belanna’s quarters, he was verbally assaulted. “So did you know about this? did you?” she yelled.
He sighed, “yes, I did.”
“And you didn’t tell me? How could you do that, you p’taq?”
“Belanna, you’re upset right now, you need to calm down, and look at it all rationally. Did Tom tell you why it happened?”
“Yes, he told me everything. That there was, oh I don’t know, a telepathic influence or something. It doesn’t change the fact that he had sex with her, and now she is going to have his baby.”
“I know, and this isn’t easy for me either.
Or I should say it wasn’t easy for me. I suppose I’ve had time to adjust
to all of this. I know Kathryn loves me, not Tom, and she sincerely
regrets this ever happened. I was angry at first, I didn’t let her see
just how angry, but I did some good damage to a few things in my quarters.
But I have had time to think about this,
and I’ve been there knowing all of this a lot longer than you have right
now. I love her, and I will raise this baby as my own.”
“You are just going to accept all of this, like it was no big deal?” she asked sounding appalled.
“Belanna, it is a big deal, but I’ve had time to adjust to all of this, and I now know that I love Kathryn, and love this baby, and I won’t let anyone come in the way of this. I’ve made my share of mistakes, remember Seska, I was surprised I didn’t spend the rest of the trip in the brig because of her. Tom owes a lot to her, as do you. She has been forgiving a lot more than we think about, don’t you think it’s time we were too? Don’t lose Tom, because of your anger, think about it. Maybe it would help if you went to talk to Kathryn, maybe that would alleviate some of your fears.”
The two of them sat and talked for a few more hours, he expressed his feelings to her, and allowed her to express her own, by time they were done, she felt a lot better.
“I will go talk to the Captain, soon, I promise. I have to get Tom back here first, but I’ll wait until morning, let him wonder a bit.” She laughed.
“Alright, get some sleep, and call me anytime, if you need to talk.”
“I will, thanks Chakotay.”
“You’re welcome, Be. Now I have to get going, I left Kathryn quite bothered to come talk to you, I hope she is still talking to me.”
“You mean, you two were… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, take care of that little one. I’ll take care of Kathryn.”
“I will. Thanks Chakotay.” After he left
she settled onto the bed. The talk did her some good, but she still hadn’t
been able to grasp all of this. She knew she loved Tom and didn’t want
to lose him. And she did know, in her heart, that neither of them planned
this. But to know that this baby would always be a part of Tom was a hard
thing to come to terms with. Her Klingon half wanted to go tear someone
apart, but her human half really did understand it all, and wanted to get
past it, with her husbands help.
***************
Chakotay found Kathryn sound asleep, he stripped then joined her in bed.
“Hey, how did it go?” she asked sleepily.
“Just fine. She’ll be ok.” He answered, snuggling up close to her.
She turned so she was facing him. “I’m glad, I don’t want them to split up over this.”
“They won’t, don’t worry. Now, where were we?” he asked.
“Hmmm, right here.” She answered, while her small hand reached under the covers to grab his hardening member.
“Oh yes. I do remember.” He said, claiming her mouth.
“Don’t make me wait Chakotay, I need you now, I’ve waited long enough.”
“Patients Kathryn.” He said, as he made his way down to her breasts, he once again took one in his mouth, bringing forth a gasp from her, while he let his hand wander to the other. He watched as she writhed under him, they were much more sensitive due to the pregnancy. He began to make his way down further when she stopped him, “please, I want you now, inside.”
He smiled, and made his way back up, meeting her face to face he began to kiss her slow, letting his tongue probe the inside of her mouth, while he placed himself between her legs. His hard member was positioned at her hot opening, he waited for her signal, then pushed himself in, eliciting a groan from her, “god, that feels wonderful, oh I almost forgot how wonderful.” She moaned.
“Oh Kathryn,” he moaned, as he began slowly moving inside of her. She met each of his thrusts, with vigor, causing him to increase the pace. It wasn’t long before he felt the last of his control slip, and he spilled his seed inside, then collapsed on her. Knowing he went before her, his hand slipped in-between the two of them, and stroked her sensitive bundle of nerves, until she too, went over the edge. “I’m sorry, I should have waited, but…”
“Hey it’s ok, you were wonderful.” She said, placing a soft kiss on his lips.
“I love you, Kathryn.”
“I love you too, Chakotay, now this baby is truly yours.” She said, meaning every word.
**************
Tom and Belanna made there way to the Captains quarters, Belanna was nervous. She hadn’t seen much of them, since Tom told her two weeks ago. It was hard to accept at first, but now she felt much better about it. They were going to talk to them, see if they could set things straight. Despite Tom assurance that it was all ok, Belanna felt it was necessary to talk all of this out so there would be no misunderstandings.
They finally arrived, and rang the chime, the door opened seconds later, and they both stepped in. “How are you doing Belanna?” asked Chakotay.
“I’m fine, now. I think we have a few things to discuss, before the little ones come, if you don’t mind Captain?”
“Of course not Belanna. I don’t want any animosity between us, talking would do us all some good. And please call me Kathryn.” She said with a warm smile.
“Tom what do you say, we go to sandrines for a while, let these two talk?” interrupted Chakotay.
“Sure sounds good.” And the two of them left. It would be good to let them both discuss this without anyone else around.
“Would you like something to drink?” Kathryn asked, trying to ease the tension.
“Sure, some tea would be nice.” Belanna watched Kathryn make her way across the room. She could see the swell of Kathryn’s belly, she was showing already. Belanna was already to try to put this in the past and move on, but suddenly she was angry, very angry. “You took it from me, you know?”
“Pardon?” Kathryn was confused.
“This,” she said, placing her hand on her stomach, “was my gift to Tom, something special, that only I could give him. Now you ruined it, took it away, how could you do that?”
“Belanna, you have to believe me when I say, I did not want it like this. I didn’t want to…”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Belanna, please. This is not what I planned for my life. I love Chakotay, not Tom. I didn’t want to sleep with Tom.”
“Tom told me about it. Said it just happened, said the Doc saw possible telepathic influence but still, couldn’t you have fought it? Walked away or something?”
Kathryn wasn’t sure what to say to her. Belanna had every right to be upset, she would be too. “I don’t know what to say to you to make you feel better about this. I didn’t plan on having sex with Tom that day in the shuttle, he was right, it just happened. I don’t think we even had time to stop and think about it, let alone stop it. I don’t love him, I don’t want him, and I didn’t want my first child to share his DNA. But she is coming, in another 5 months, and all I can do is move on and think about a future, with my child, and Chakotay. I want you to be happy, with Tom, but I can’t help you there, I know you are a victim here, but so am I, We all are.”
Belanna’s anger seemed to fizzle out, she was ready to continue the fight, she had a hell of a lot more to say, but suddenly it didn’t seem to matter. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just feel so helpless here. I don’t want Tom to be anything except Uncle Tom to your baby, but I don’t have the right to decide that.”
“That’s all that I want too, and I believe that Tom feels the same way, I don’t think this has to be complicated. You and Tom are having a baby, and Chakotay and I are having a baby.”
“Do you really think it can work out that way? What about the future?” Belanna began, “What about our children Kathryn? What do we tell them?”
“I don’t know Belanna. Maybe nothing, then again, when they are older, maybe we tell them the truth. I really have no answers here. I just want to get past this, and get on with my life. I am really tired of trying to analyze this, it was beyond our control, and there is nothing we can do about it now.”
Belanna sighed, “You’re right, I know that. I don’t like losing control of a situation, especially one that affects our life so greatly.”
“I know Belanna, I feel the same way. Can we get past this? And maybe try to be friends. Please know, I would never consciously try to hurt you like I have.” Kathryn was speaking from her heart, “ I would love to take this all back, go back to that day that this all happened. I know the doctor says we didn’t have control of all of this, but I somehow think we should have. But I already love this baby, and I’m ready to have her, excited to have her.”
Belanna changed the subject, “you already know it’s a girl?”
“I don’t know for sure, but it’s a feeling I have.” She said, placing her hand on her belly. “How about you?”
“I think it’s a boy, I have that same feeling.” She laughed. “Kathryn, I think we can do this, It might not be easy, but I think we will both be great parents, and I think Tom and Chakotay will both be great fathers.”
Kathryn leaned over and pulled Belanna into an embrace, then whispered “thank you.”
**************
“Chakotay.” Kathryn said whispering into his ear in the darkened quarters. She got no response. “Chakotay, please, wake up.” This time she shook his shoulders.
“What do you need love?” He finally replied sleepily.
“Get up, it’s time.”
“Hmmm. Time for what Kathryn?” He asked, still not completely understanding.
His only answer was a groan from Kathryn, he instantly came to an understanding and shot right up, “Oh god, she’s coming.”
Kathryn nodded her head, waiting for the contraction to subside. “I think we better hurry, that’s the second one in the past five minutes.”
Chakotay wasted no time, he slipped on his pants, helped Kathryn stand up then called for a site to site transport to sick bay.
The doctor was immediately at his side helping her onto the bed. The next three hours were a complete blur; he would be surprised at just how much he could remember.
************
Kathryn handed him the wrapped up bundle, “your turn daddy. You want to hold your daughter?”
He gladly took the tiny bundle, and pulled back the blanket from her head to get a better look at his ‘daughter’. Looking at the child, he began to wonder about the future with this daughter of his. She didn’t have much hair yet, but what little she had, looked blonde to light brown. Her eyes were open, and although still a dark newborns eyes, they had more of a blue tint to them. Taking her small hand in his big one, he noticed the paleness of it, it would never be dark like his. This child would never grow up to resemble him in any way, was he really ready to accept all of this?
He was so intent on studying the child that he didn’t notice Kathryn’s eyes scrutinizing him, she understood his struggle, and hoped that this would not be the end of them. “Chakotay, so what do we call her? I think I still like Marisa best. You picked it out, what do you think?”
“Marisa, yes, I think it suits her. She
is so beautiful Kathryn.” He commented, looking up to meet Kathryn’s eyes.
That’s when it hit him, he loved her. And if he couldn’t accept this baby,
he couldn’t have Kathryn. It really wasn’t that hard to love this baby,
he already did. He knew that in the end it didn’t really matter that the
child would not resemble him. The child would grow up calling him daddy,
and loving him, and in the end that was all that really mattered. Maybe
someday Kathryn would give him a child that would grow to resemble him,
and if not, that would be ok too. “Doctor, so when can I take my
family home?”
***********
Epilogue:
Chakotay peered into the crib, looking at the sleeping form inside. She was completely worn out from her first birthday party. She and little Owen Paris chased each other all over the holodeck. She was truly a beautiful site, resembling her mother in every way. Her hair was slightly lighter than Kathryn’s was, but she had every other quality of her mother, including her temper. He knew that the spirits truly blessed him with this gift, and he never had another doubt, since the day of her birth.
“Hey, what are you thinking?” Kathryn said in a whisper, joining him by the crib side.
“Just how lucky I am.” He answered.
“So, you figured it out then?” she asked.
“What? Figured what out?”
“The future, acceptance. Did you think I didn’t notice your doubts when she was born?”
“I’m sorry, I hoped you hadn’t. They were only there a short time, and never have returned since then. I love you, and I love our daughter.”
“I’m glad, because I don’t think I would have made it through all of this with out you. You know, someday you may have a child that resembles you, all of you.”
“I know, but I don’t need that. I hope for that, but I don’t want to push you.”
“I know and I appreciate that Chakotay. We’ll just see what he looks like in another seven months, who know, maybe he will look nothing like you.” She said laughing then running out of the small bedroom.
Chakotay stepped away from the crib, slightly bewildered. Then he realized what he said, and bound after her. He found her laying on the bed, “Did you just say what I think you said?”
“Yep, I sure did daddy? In another seven months, we will have a son, with beautiful dark skin and dark hair. He will be as perfect as his sister.”
“Oh Kathryn, I don’t know what to say.” He said, joining her on the bed, he laid beside her and pulled her close, his hand began to wander down to her belly, “so you are sure this is a boy?”
“Yes of course, I was right about Marisa, wasn’t I?”
“MMM, yes you were.” He said, lifting her shirt, and placing gentle kisses on her still flat belly.
Kathryn sighed, she knew exactly where this was leading. “Oh, don’t stop.”
Chakotay stopped his kisses, and proceeded to slowly undress her, placing kisses on every inch of the skin he was exposing. He also undressed himself, then went back to worshiping every inch of her skin. “You are so beautiful Kathryn, never doubt what I feel for you is real. You are my soul mate, we are meant to be together.” It was a statement, made from the heart, to her. One that he wanted her to truly understand, just how strongly he felt.
“I love you Chakotay! Come up here.” She said, pulling on his arms, until he was even with her. His mouth covered hers, and his tongue darted in hers, to taste her. She pulled his full weight on her, relishing in the crushing feeling. He was so careful at first, afraid of hurting her, but he soon discovered, early in their relationship, that she loved the full weight of him on her. She often wanted him to stay, long after their lovemaking was done. “I want you inside Chakotay, please, now.”
He positioned himself between her legs and nudged the tip of his penis at her opening, and slipped it in, only the head. She sighed and tried to urge him further, he would not obey. He pulled it out, the once again, slipped it back in. His hand made it’s way down to find her hardened nub; he began to slowly rub it, in a circular motion. He began slowly thrusting in and out, bringing forth pleasure in a slow agonizing rise.
He recognized that she was close, so he increased his pace slightly, until he too felt the build up begin. Her hands wound around his back, and her nails dug in. The moan began from the back of her throat, and soon turned into screams as she came, gripping his hard member tightly, forcing him to lose control and spill his seed. He collapsed onto her, still inside of her, despite the fact that he was now softening.
“You are incredible, Kathryn. It’s a good thing the bedroom is sound proofed, or our daughter would have definitely woken up.
“Yes, that was good thinking, wasn’t it.”
He kissed her then rolled off of her, settling on the side of her, “Please Kathryn, never doubt my feelings for you, or for our daughter. Marisa is a gift that I will treasure forever, just as I will my son. I may have once had doubts, but they are now long gone. Only my love remains.”
“Oh, I am so lucky. I love you and our son and daughter. You have me body and soul. Mistakes may be made, but I’m glad, together, we found a way to correct them."