ONE
DECISION
rated pg13
by Sheri
Kathryn woke slowly, god her head hurt! She tried her best to open her eyes , but it was so bright."computer dim lights 50%"she heard someone bark an order but couldn't make out the voice! "Welcome back Kathryn, We've missed you" she heard another voice say, still a little fuzzy in her head.
"What happened" she managed to croak, god her throat hurt, everything hurt.
"Well we're not exactly sure. You were just suddenly lying there in engineering, we had no idea how you got there"said Chakotay, she was suddenly able to make out the voices.
"I walked there Chakotay, but I must have passed out"Kathryn said with a tone of sarcasm.
"But Kathryn , you don't understand!"Chakotay began"Here you've been dead for 13 months!"
'oh god' she thought ' the head ache is really going to get worse' and once agian her eyes closed.
*****
When she woke for the second time she thought it was all a bad dream. Everything looked the same in sickbay. Chakotay and the Doctor were in the office talking when they heard Kathyrn begin to stirr, he was immidiatly by her side "hey, take it easy, you had quite a trip!"
"What exactly happened here I'm really confused, I......" she wasn't sure what she was, she just wanted to know what was going on!
"Seven and Belanna are looking into it. We know they were conducting an expierment in engineering, but that was just to improve the efficiancy of the warp core" he stopped for a moment"we're they doing anything on your Voyager that may account for this?"
'Oh god , it wasn't a dream' "No , just routine maintenence, I entered engineering but before I could even get a word out, I was here!"she carefully thought for a moment " I think I need to be filled in on your Voyager. If this is unexplained, I could be here for a while, and I will not sit back and do nothing! Does the crew know yet"
Chakotay explained"We had a meeting of the Senior staff, explained it all as we know it right now and they're getting the word around. You've been asleep for 3 hours so I'm sure it's all over the ship by now!"
"News still travels fast over here" she chuckled.
"Warp ten" he laughed back.
***********
Settling into life
onto this voyager wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be, at least
right at this time.
She had been here
a week and was just trying to help Belanna and Seven with her predicament.
Everything was quite simialar to her universe except people here seemed
real relaxed around her! Not that she felt she made people nervous but
I captian always keeps that distance, making life very lonley, here it
didn't seem to be that way.
She was beginning to suspect that this universes Chakotay and Kathryn had quite the different relationship then she had. Belanna was asking subtle questions, like she was testing the waters!
"So........you said things are slightly different here, how so?" asked Belanna.
"You know I can't say anything that could contaminate your timeline here" Kathryn retorted.
"You won't contaminate anything here that you haven't already. telling us what goes on over there isn't going to change things here!" Belanna yelled " this is a whole different universe, not a differnt timeline and I know you know the difference Kathryn so cut the crap and spill the dirt!"
Kathryn was definately thrown back. Belanna would never talk to her like that! IT was almost like she was speaking to her like she was a ... friend. God, things are definately differnt here . Instead of getting angry she just replied "there is no dirt Belanna , I'm a Captian of a starship, that is my life and nothing else!"
She was sorry she asked, obviosly this Kathryn didn't let any one in! "Do you have any kind of relationship with Chakotay"
"Once maybe but even
that changed once he started dating Marla Gilmore. The equinox crew weren't
to thrilled with me , so it didn't make it easy to socalise with your best
friend if his girlfriend can't stand you"
boy she didn't mean
to say that much , it just spilled out.
"You can't be serious, Marla Gilmore, she is so not his type.No wonder your upset, of all women to pick he pick her, he's a pig!" she stated with a laugh.
"He's not a pig. They're happy together, happier than he could be with me.And I am not upset. now subject needs to be changed, so whats going on with you and Tom"Kathryn asked.
"Well he is a pig, and I'm not afraid to admit it, but I love him" she replied "now I'm hungry and we're getting nowhere , do you have dinner plans"
"Chakotay asked me to come over for dinner, I guess I do have plans"
"well you two have fun" said belanna with a laugh, and the two parted ways.
*******
Have fun, yeah right! This will be interesting she thought as she rang the door chime."Come in Kathryn, "replied Chakotay as the doors swooshed open."Have a seat, dinner is almost ready. You've had a busy day your probably hungry"
"Maybe a little. I got to say this crew is a little different than mine. They're all so open around me, I think I'm more tired from the constant question" she said sounding a little tired.
"And your crew isn't open with you?" he sounded shocked.
"No not really, this crew acts like I'm their best friend, they call me by my first name, well at least the senior staff does. I'm not used to that."was that a hint of regret in her voice.
"Well i don't know what to tell you. Our Kathryn was very warm and loving to this crew,she made friends she loved and we miss her very much!" he thought for a moment , then quickly added" I'm sorry that must've sounded awful. I wasn't implying that you were, well, .... oh hell open mouth , insert foot!"
"It's ok, I know what you meant. But that's not me"She adamantly stated.
Dinner was quite,
suddenly it wasn't so easy being here. She didn't understand these people
, was she really so cold and uncaring now that she couldn't relate to simple
friendship and love.
When dinner was finished
chakotay handed kathryn several Padds. "here read these, they're Kathryn's
personal logs. maybe it'll help you understand things around here"
"I cant' read these Chakotay, those are HER personal logs, it would be wrong"
"They're mine Kathryn , she wanted me to have them, and now I want you to read them, Please" He was begging her.
"Alright, maybe It will help a little" and she hesitantly took the large stack.
******
Well she had to admit , it was a little strange reading them. They were written by a differnt woman , but for the first few years, they were almost her words exactly! Then came the log when she had recieved the letter from mark. Instead of sounding depressed, this kathryn sounded almost jovial. It talked of freedom and letting go, and of, Oh my, A kiss. The rest of the logs were nothing like her own. This woman slowly began a relationship with Chakotay instead of shutting him out. She was happy and now took a completely differnt view on life. Funny how one decion can change everything.
It gave her alot to think about, wondering what could have been if only she had said what she wanted instead of backing down. 'well, ' she thought ' maybe I could give it a trial run here and see what happens,after all I hopefully will be getting home' She went to bed with a smile on her face.
*******
The next couple of weeks seemed to fly by. She was having fun, yes, Captian Kathryn Janeway of the startship Voyager was loving every moment of this place. They were all the same people but the laughed and joked with her , Chakotay kissed her ' and oh could he kiss'. They insisited on her joining them nearly every night. She got to know crew members she barely knew on her ship.
Her and Chakotay had just returned from Sandrines and were on the couch having some tea when it happened. He leaned over to kiss her, she welcomed the kiss and before she knew it they were all over each other. It was fast and furious, but oh was it good. They layed together afterward trying to catch there thoughts."I take it you liked that Kathryn"
"That, my dear Chakotay, is an understatement"she chuckeled back.
******
"Hold still will
ya, I've never done this before"Tom said attempting to still the woman.
"This is crazy, I shouldn't do this" Exclaimed Kathryn.
"I'm only stimulating your hair folicals.Come on, hold still , it's to the middle of your back already, do you really want it down to your waist"he asked before continuing.
"yeah alright, Chakotay will love this!" He had commented several times after their love making that he wished she still had long hair. His Kathryn had cut it too, and although he liked how she looked with it short he missed the lenght.
"alright all finished , wow, and a wonderful job I did, if I do say so myself" commented Tom smugly" you look beautiful"
"Ok beam me to my quarters, Chakotay will be there in 1 hour and I want to be ready"
*******
Kathryn had invited him to her quarters for dinner, he secretly wondered if he would be in for another surprise, she had been full of them. Her sudden turn around surprised everyone, his kathryns change had been gradual, this kathryn had just jumped in feet first! Then again he knew she had regrets, many of them. And he knew she was deeply hurt when her Chakotay began dating Marla. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be so alone for 6 years. Unbearable!
He rang the chime and entered and then stopped dead."WOW, I mean , wow. I would have never imagined..... WOW"
"I take it you like it" she laughed.
He answered with a kiss, and much more.
*******
The past three months flew by. Kathryn knew she was acting very uncaptian like , but she was so unbelievably happy and this crew still held a great respect for her that she really no longer cared. It had been determined that whatever pulled her there was on her side of the universe and unless someone on that side activated it she would never return. She was now fine with that, it was obvious they weren't going to activate the anomoly, too much time had past. Perhaps they didn't want her back. The way she acted over there, she made no friends except chakotay, and he no longer acted like her friend. He did his job but his heart wasn't in it, it was with marla.
She was heading towards sickbay, she had a killer headache and felt a little queasy.
"Well , captian Janeway, what can I do for you" he asked
"I feel awful, otherwise I wouldn't be here, do you mind taking a look"
"not at all have a seat on bio bed one."
The doctor performed a scan "hmmm, I see, yes this explains how you feel. I'll give you a hypospray that should help"
"Help with what doctor"she was getting angry.
"why captian , you didn't know, of course not.... Your'e approxiamately 9 weeks pregnant, congratulations!"
"Oh god , I wasn't even thinking. I haven't taken any boosters in the past year, no need, no one interested."she sounded dumbfounded.
"Well you obviouslly have someone a little more then interested." the doctors sence of humor was not that humourous."I will have to perform a complete scan to make sure everything is alright with you and the baby"
"Of course doctor, but later, I have to meet Belanna in engineering then Me and Chakotay need to have a talk." she said patting her stomach."not a word"
"Of course captian"
******
Once again she entered engineering and once again she found her self face first on the floor.Her head once again hurt and everything sounded fuzzy , she heard a voice "It worked, Chakotay get down here, It worked but it doesn't look like we get the right Captian. The doctors on his way to take scans"yelled Belanna over the com.
"What do you mean, the wrong captian, it was only supposed to lock on to her!"chakotay yelled back.
"Just get down here"
"I'm already here......oh my, thats not our captian." he said staring at the long beautiful hair. The doctor was already there checking her over.
"Well , you two are wrong, it is her." the doctor exclaimed
"How long was she over there, we didn't detect any time difference."
"Scans show 3 ,months, I have no explanation for her hair growth , unless she had it stimulated!" The doctor detected the other difference in his scans but kept that part to himself.
"What happened"croaked Kathryn.
"well , with the anomoly only on one side, our side. it took a while to pinpoint where you were."belanna explained."Luckily we did, for a while there it didn't seem possible."
"I thought you must have given up!" she said trying to sit up.
"NEVER, we missed you Kathryn"said Chakotay ,rubbing her cheek.
She welcomed the touch, but quickly pulled back. This was her Chakotay, not the Chakotay who loved her."well thanks for remembering me. Perhaps i should get that sick bay visit over with since i know the doctor is going to insisit it. Then I'd like to go to my quarters."
********
He left her alone giving her time to mull over everything that happened. He knew for him he was relieved, no, relieved and thrilled. The past 3 months were horrible.When she dissapeared he was ridden with guilt, not because of her disapearance but because of his treatment of her. When he started dating Marla he completely dismissed her. He wanted a fresh start and he couldn't keep visiting Kathryn and start fresh. In the end he knew it hurt her, he watched her retreat even further into herself. He often wondered about her feelings. Sometimes even wondered if she felt at all. After his treatment of her he knew she felt...pain and lonliness.
Of course despite the fact that he knew he was hurting Kathryn, he didn't stop. He couldn't,, he needed to move on, and move on he did, until her disapearance. The realationship survived two more weeks then very silently it was over. She simply stopped coming over, he didn't call her. it was over.
Then Kathryn returned, he couldn't quite put his finger on it but she seemed someohow different. He would give her time, maybe a week, then he would go and talk to her, tell her everything and find out about the possible details she didn't put in her report. He would try to get his best friend back.
*******
She stood outside his door, she would raise her finger to press the chime but quickly loose the courage.'dammit kathryn, this is not like you, press the chime, walk in and tell him, oh boy.'
He answered the door to find her there, it was only 4 days since her return."what can I do for you Captian"
"I need to talk to you, Are you alone? she asked.
" yep, come in and have a seat. Care for some coffee?"
"Ye...no, no thanks, tea please."
He was shocked, "Kathryn Janeway turns down coffee. something must be wrong"
"you have no idea" she mumbled.
Handing her the tea he said "so spill it, what has you jumpy and turning down coffee."
Ok , here it goes "well , Like I said things were much the same there but there were some differences. That Kathryn had made a few different choices and the out come of those choices made some things incredibly differnt. That Chakotay gave me her personal logs to help me orient my self. I didn't feel it was necesary but i read them anyways, curiosity I guess." she paused long enough to take a sip, then continued. "Those logs changed alot in me. They were my words up until a certian point, then one decision she made changed everything, for the better. And it was a decision that I almost made and decided not to and regretted it since then.
'She's definately leading to something important here' he tried not to interupt her, he was definately curious.
"So I continued from there going by her decision and not mine. And Oh My God, I had fun. For the first time in a long time , I had fun!" She was alomost laughing.
"So what did you do that was so much fun, and that you couldnt do here" he asked.
She froze for a moment. "well, are you sure you want to hear this?"
"Of course, please continue with your story"
Story, yeah right. "Ok,.....I guess I did everything I wanted to . We captianed the ship together, it seemed to really work, off duty I was rarely alone. Hanging out with the girls, going to sandrines, umm.....other stuff, you know."
"no I don't know. What other things."
She just blurted it "We had sex all over the ship, he had quite an imagination, and quite a libido! OH i didn't just say that did I" she put her head in her hands shaking her head.
He couldn't help it , he laughed "YOU WHAT???? with who"
"I....I.....shit!!!"
"Kathryn speak, you can't just say that and leave my hanging" the conversation made him feel closer to her, more like friendship.
"Him, you, I mean the other you. Oh god, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you but you would've found out eventually."
He was stunned, She pushed him away for years, then goes to another universe and begins one hell of a relationship with his other self. Then it hit him "why would I have found out eventually."
"I wasn't thinking , I wasn't taking any boosters because I wasn't sexually active. I'm pregnant" she couldn't look at him, he had to hate her.
He laughed, not really
outloud. 'ironic, i wait for years, give up and the other me got 'some'
from her'.
"I'm sorry Kathryn,
I don't know what to say, you have most definately left me speechless."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It wasn't like I planned it. I've always been attracted to you, had strong feelings for you, I..."
"Say it " he wasn't really angry but this wasn't what he was planning on hearing.
"I've always loved you"It was almost a whisper.
"Why didn't you at least say something"
"I don't think you should have to ask that" not this again.
"I do have to ask that, this makes no sense, you push me away because of protocol . The same protocol that obviously exsisited over there. The same protocol that Kathryn dismissed, and the same protocol that you dismissed over there and became his lover.The same protocol that still stands over here. And I have to ask because in a few more months i'm going to be a father to a baby that shares my DNA but I didn't create."He was yelling, he didn't mean to but he was angry.
Seska, I'm no better than seska, I stole his DNA. Yes seska's baby ended up being kazon not his but this is almost worse, THIS IS HIS DNA!"Chakotay,I'm not going to force you to be a father, It's my resposability, I will take care of it!"
"You would deny me my own child"
"IT's not your child"
This was going nowhere, they were getting into their usual yelling match."Stop, we have to stop this Chakotay. I am SO SORRY, I can't explain why I did what I did. Except to say from day one the crew EMBRACED me and didn't let me back down, at a time when I felt so low from pushing everyone away! It was a wonderful feeling, something I wanted here but felt I went too far."She thought a moment "Oh god, what are you going to tell Marla, god I'm sorry."
"Quit apologizing.I think I do understand. A crew who already got past THE CAPTIAN, so they knew how to out maneuver you. must have been overwhelming at first. And me and Marla broke up,a couple of weeks after you disappeared. It wasn't ever love, It was contentment." he took a deep breath." And I know we have a lot to work through but I want to be this baby's father. And I want to see alot more of the Kathryn they got to know, and so will the crew. We can do this."
******
It wasn't easy at first. The crew did love her but to interact with her on a social basis was different, it actually got easier once she began to show. The pregnancy gave them more of a reason . By the time she was 8 months pregnant she was having nightly dinners with chakotay when she wasn't joining the ladies for a gossip session. They finally embraced her as a friend and a Captian!
******
epilouge:
The chime rang , Chakotay quickly answered the door . "sorry, we didn't wake the baby did we." asked Belanna.
"No , but even if you did , Moria has been asleep for 3 hours already, she's bound to wake up any minute now."
"Where's Kathryn."
"Asleep. Mom had a long night with the baby and didn't wake me up to help, thought I could use the rest!So turnabout is fair play!" he said grinning.
" I heard that Chakotay" she said , pretending to sound angry.
"So much I do goes unappreciated here" he said mocking her back.
"Well if you two are through we brought dinner......replicated!"said Tom.
"Sound great , I'll be out as soon as little one is done feeding"Kathryn said.
She sat on the bed watching her daughter eat. It wasn't just one decision she made, but many.All that turned her life around, gave her something more to live for than a giant hunk of metal or a big blue and green orb.She had a beautiful daughter, a man who loves her and takes care of her, and some of the best friends you could find in any quadrant.