Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm only playing.
Out of the Shadows
By Sheri
Rated NC17
To exist between worlds, a shadow if you will, was not the life Kathryn Janeway had imagined. She wasn't even sure if that was where she was; a mere guess was the best she could do.
As to when it happened, she wasn't entirely sure. She had woken up early a couple days ago, long before the alarm. She knew she wouldn't find sleep so she showered and dressed and headed out for one of her private tours of the ship.
At first there was nothing different, nothing to give her anything to be alarmed about. Then she came across the sleepy crewman, obviously heading back to his quarters after a long shift, and he walked right by her. That's when she knew something was amiss.
Even during trying times, there was some type of acknowledgement of their captain, a nod or a simple hello. This time he walked on by as if she didn't even exist.
She blew that incident off, for he was exhausted and may have been too tired to do anything. It was when she attempted to enter the turbo lift to proceed to the next deck and the door did not open, that she began to suspect that something was wrong.
Her suspicions increased when Harry Kim approached her, and his presence triggered the doors to the lift. She followed him in, but in similar fashion to the crewman, he did not acknowledge her in any way. She repeated his name, even touched him, but still he did not respond.
It was when she entered the bridge that she got her confirmation. She barked "report" almost a habit by now, but got no response. Chakotay had glanced over at the turbo lift, then back to his monitor; he seemed a bit anxious.
Finally he decided to act. "Chakotay to Janeway," he barked into his COMM badge.
"Chakotay, I'm right here," she responded, but he didn't seem to hear her.
"Computer, locate Captain Janeway," he ordered.
"Captain Janeway is not on board," was the computer response.
Everyone immediately went into action, where Kathryn Janeway did the opposite. She froze right in the spot she stood, suddenly understanding, just slightly, why she had observed the reactions she did.
=^=
That had been two days ago; since then she had followed various crewmembers around, watching them as they furiously tried to find out just what had happened to their captain.
So far they had come up with nothing. It was a relief to Kathryn to
discover she wasn't dead, at least not yet. For a while she had wondered
just that. She had assumed what ever happened to her had happened shortly
after she left her quarters, the doors to her quarters responded to her
when she left but since then nothing.
As the time passed she analyzed her predicament. She could touch people
and objects, but they could not feel her. It gave her a sense of comfort
and she found she would occasionally rest her hand on a still crewman just
to feel that connection to reality.
She relied completely on other members of the crew to enter and leave a room for her to. And she had to be careful of just what room she was entering. Yesterday she had followed an ensign into airoponics bay only to be trapped there for three hours when he left suddenly and she hadn't followed. She had learned her lesson quickly and since then had virtually become a shadow, making sure she didn't leave the side of her chosen guide.
=^=
It was late on the fourth night as she followed Chakotay out of the briefing room. They were turning the ship back in hopes of finding a spatial fissure that must have opened up near her quarters.
Seven had found evidence of one that may have been right outside her door. The moment she stepped out, it would have swallowed her whole, leaving her somewhere in-between her world and where ever else this was.
She continued to follow Chakotay to his quarters, needing more contact with him. He entered and moved towards the view port, "Kathryn, my love, where ever you are, I promise we'll get you back," he said off into the air. He had one hand in his hair, and his face was covered with pain.
Chakotay was always one to wear his emotions on his sleeve when it came to her; that was something that she had always found hard to deal with. Never before had she met someone who gave himself so unselfishly. Even without saying a word she knew just how he felt.
And now to hear this confession, clearly meant for her yet…it sent Kathryn's emotions into a tailspin. She knew how he felt; he told her in so many ways without ever saying it.
That was okay most of the time, but she wished just once, he would open up and say the words. It was one of the reasons she held back, another was her own feelings about the advisability of a relationship She was willing to overlook some of them, set them aside, if only he would declare just how he felt, rather than hiding the feelings behind ancient legends and simple gestures.
She knew all of that was just an excuse on her part, and maybe she should tell him. Maybe she should take that risk of rejection and hope he still felt the same. But of course she would just begin to feel the courage to do just that when she wasn't really here at all.
Kathryn watched Chakotay move towards his bedroom and decided it was best to stay here in the living area. It wouldn't be right for her to watch him undress despite the fact it was one of her many fantasies.
But She only lasted a couple minutes before she casually got up and walked to the doorway. She put her back to the wall next to the door and closed her eyes. 'I shouldn't do this, 'she muttered to herself as she found herself disengaging from the wall and rounding the corner, eyes still closed.
Slowly she opened her eyes just in time to see him enter the bathroom,
so she followed him. He was standing at the toilet without a bit of clothing
on. She did turn her head, giving him the privacy he thought he had.
She turned away knowing she shouldn't watch him. Guilt plagued her
yet as she looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror; she couldn't
resist watching him.
He stepped into the sonic shower and activated it, raising his arms above his head. He moved in a slow circle, making sure every spot was hit by the rays, but also, without realizing it, giving Kathryn a show she would never forget. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, his muscular chest, a slight belly that seemed to fit him just fine, firm buttocks, and lean, muscular legs, and his penis that dangled between his legs, only a few inches long in its flaccid state, yet quite fat.
Chakotay finished the shower and moved to leave the bathroom, ending up stopping right in front of Kathryn who was still near the door. She didn't know what made him pause but with her mind on autopilot, she let her hands reach out. First to his chest, grazing through the few hairs. Then down to his belly button, tracing lightly around it. 'Goosebumps, can he feel me?' she thought, but didn't stop her exploration. Her hand made its way to his mass of dark hairs and continued to move down before he moved away with a sigh.
Just as he walked away he turned and almost looked in her eyes. "Kathryn?" he asked into the air.
"I'm here, Chakotay," she answered.
He shook his head and climbed into bed, obviously unsettled.
It suddenly hit her; she was stuck here for the night. She moved back into the living room and over to the door. This made no sense to her, why could she touch solid objects yet not manipulate them? Chakotay obviously could sense something, ever so slightly, so why couldn't she get the door to open. She banged on the keypad, hoping the extra pressure would trigger it, yet nothing. Giving the door a frustrated kick she moved to the couch to lie down, and hopefully to clear her head.
Answers did not come, she had a few ideas; one that she was in another reality, it would explain why she couldn't interact with anyone But it didn't explain Chakotay's reaction to her touch, if he was reacting. She once again got up and made her way to Chakotay's room and peered inside. He was asleep, lying on his stomach, the sheet just barely draped over him. His firm buttocks could be seen quite nicely in the starlight.
Kathryn couldn’t resist the urge; she moved over to him and sat gently on the bed. Her hand slowly inched towards its goal, and as she reached it, she paused. Taking a deep breath she let her hand rest, just barely on the roundness, then slowly caress downward. Her hand began moving downward but suddenly stopped for Chakotay let out a soft moan then rolled over. Kathryn forgot for a moment that she couldn't be seen and started to run into the other room afraid of being caught. She halted her instinctive reaction quickly and once again moved to her spot on the bed, now admiring the frontal view. The covers were completely off by now, exposing every bit of his flesh. She moved carefully closer, noticing the bed did not move with her, another reminder of her state of being. Kathryn didn't let that bother her, for right now her shadow like nature gave her an advantage. She was a Starfleet officer, and her main goal was always to seek out new life and to explore and right now there was a life form in front of her that she desperately wanted to explore.
She started at the shoulders, her hands lightly brushing his skin before
she got more daring. She moved her hands to his chest, keeping them still
to watch them rise and fall with the movements of his chest. Then moved
them lower, mimicking the moves she had attempted while he was in the bathroom.
She wasted no time, desperate to feel that glorious tool in her hands.
It was still flaccid. Her fingers circled the head, and paying special
attention to the small opening. She wanted to taste him; was almost desperate
for it.
She was startled by the fact that as soon as her mouth enveloped his dangling member it began to grow in size. Once again, maybe subconsciously, Chakotay was aware of her touch. He let out a moan and his hand moved down to touch himself.
Kathryn backed away, eager to see what he would do, but as soon as she did, he let out a groan and let his hand fall to the bed. "Kathryn," he whispered, still in a dream like state.
Kathryn sat up, biting her lower lip. Just how many times did he call out to her? Was it only since she had been missing or was this a nightly occurrence? She began to feel guilty; she was taking advantage of him and it wasn't right.
She quickly moved off, and ran to the living room, only to find Chakotay following, looking slightly bewildered. He looked around the room, moved his hand through his hair and slowly walked back towards his bedroom only to stop suddenly.
"Chakotay to the bridge," he called.
"Kim here, Sir," Harry Kim answered back.
"Harry, I need you to scan my room," requested Chakotay.
"For what, sir?" asked Harry.
"The captain," Chakotay simply answered. He knew he had startled Harry, but he needed to know. "Kathryn, if you’re here… well don't leave, we'll get you home."
Kathryn sighed; she wasn't sure how she would have replied if he could have heard her. She wasn't even sure she would have replied. Did he know she was there, or did he just suspect it? She wasn't really sure.
=^=
They all worked in sync; the crew scanned every frequency possible as they neared the spot where the captain first disappeared. They positioned the ship in the exact position it was in when she disappeared and the small fissure appeared just outside her room. Chakotay moved into his room and gave instructions to the air, "Well, I hope I'm right and you are in this room, Kathryn. If so, follow me right now out into the hall."
The scans of his room came out inconclusive, but he still believed she was there. He walked slowly over to the exact coordinates of the fissure and said into the air, "If we're right Kathryn, you should just have to walk back through in order to get back to us."
Kathryn hoped he was right; she was tired of talking to herself. At the same time she was a little frightened of what she might find on the other side if it weren't here reality. If it were, she would have to face Chakotay who seemed to be able to feel her and probably knew just what she had been doing. Or did he? She would soon find out, she walked to the exact area she was instructed to and held her breath as she walked through.
Chakotay gasped, "Kathryn."
She spun around, "I'm back? You can see me?"
"Yes, Captain. But don't move forward; step back. You're still on the edge of the fissure," said B'Elanna.
She directed her captain away from the fissure then stepped aside for the doctor to interrupt. "Captain, I would like to see you right away in sick bay. I have to make sure you have suffered no adverse effects from your experience. It won't take very long," he added knowing his captain's distaste for medical exams.
"All right, Doctor, I will join you in sick bay. Chakotay I would like a full report from you by time I get back, okay?"
"Aye, captain," he said.
=^=
After enduring an hour-long stint in sickbay, Kathryn was more than ready for a hot bath in her quarters. She ran the water and began to slowly strip off her uniform when the door chime rang. She stopped undressing, still in her pants and tank top, and opened the door.
"Captain, you wanted my report," he said, still standing outside.
She noticed him carrying two padds, and was curious, so despite the fact that she was dying for that bath, she let him in. "Two reports, Chakotay?"
"Well, there's the official report, the one that basically explains what happened to you and what we did to get you back. The second is for your eyes only, it's about the … things that happened in my quarters that led me to believe you were there; certain sensations and such," he said.
"Ah, I see. And I suppose it's that report that you would like to discuss tonight,"
Chakotay flashed his dimples, "of course Kathryn. The other can be skimmed over and filed for official record."
She took the official report and glanced at before setting it aside. Then she looked over the other report, the unofficial one. 'Yep, he knows exactly what I did.' "I guess I should start with explaining how things were. It was quite odd actually; it took a being ignored by a few crewmen, and you, before I realized that I was somewhere else. I could touch people and things although they were not aware of it, but I could not activate any doors or computer terminals," she explained.
"I can see where that would be very frustrating," added Chakotay.
"Yes, very. In fact, I followed Ensign Barrows into the airponics bay and found myself trapped in there for a while when I didn't stay close enough to him and couldn't get back out," she said with a smile, now able to laugh about that predicament. "I found myself touching people often, just to keep that contact with all of you."
Chakotay made himself comfortable on the couch, ready to hear the rest of the story.
"it was frustrating to reach out to someone and have them not even know I was there."
"I can imagine that," he said in a lighter voice.
Kathryn let out a slight chuckle, " I slapped Tuvok a couple times; damn, I've always wanted to do that; the man can be too logical sometimes. I guess you could say I indulged in a few pleasures," she said.
"I know you did, with me…"
She sighed, "oh Chakotay, it's just…"
He decided to spare her for this moment, "Ok, so I guess we're when you followed me into my room," said Chakotay.
"Uh, yes, at first I just wanted someplace I could feel comfortable," she explained. "I wandered everywhere, slept in the strangest places and to tell the truth, it was getting irritating. I couldn't get in my ready room, no one went in there, and the same went for my quarters your place was the next best."
"I'm glad to know you feel that comfortable around me," said Chakotay.
She took a deep breath; she couldn't believe she was about to tell him this. "Then you went to take a shower I have to admit I was more than a little curious," said Kathryn.
"You watched me take a shower, and everything before?" he said disbelieving.
"The before no. I did turn around, but…" she knew she was blushing with embarrassment, "yes, I did watch you take a shower. I wasn't going to, but you have a beautiful body Chakotay, once I looked it was hard to turn away."
He blushed then asked, "Were you touching me as I was about to leave the bathroom?"
"Yes, that was me," she said, looking down.
He wanted to hear what she had to say about all that she did despite the fact that he already knew, "And in the bed, I have to ask," he began, but was obviously embarrassed to say the rest. "Did you… I mean…it felt so warm, so wonderful, like you were…"
Kathryn put her head in her hands, the guilt once more coming forth. She could not look at him as she said, "I was…curious, I wanted to know… how you tasted."
Chakotay opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He remembered exactly how it felt, her warm mouth enveloping him, "and here I thought I was having the most realistic wet dream I had ever had. At least at first that's what I thought, when I was half-asleep. You don't know how many times I've dreamed of that happening," he said.
Kathryn shook her head, "same here actually, and there I was with a chance to make fantasy reality. Up until now, no one could tell when I touched them, I had no reason to believe that you would be able to. Oh my, that sounds awful, like I took advantage of you. Chakotay, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it."
"Thanks for the apology," he began. "But believe me, I only wish two things. One that I could see you do it. And two that you hadn't stopped."
Kathryn stood there with her mouth gaped open, not knowing what to say. Suddenly put face to face with him she wasn't sure if she should let this continue, could she now admit how she truly feels and also act on it?
Her entire life changed and she couldn't control any part of it, if it hadn't been for Chakotay would they have ever found her? And now that she had a brief taste of just what could be hers could she walk away?
She didn't want to, that much she knew. She looked to the floor biting her lower lip, 'just decide already, this isn't that hard.'
Chakotay sighed, "I see." He began to move past her, and then stopped, "you may want to pretend this didn't happen but I know it did and I won't let you off the hook this time." He continued his move towards the door, curious to see what her reaction would be.
Kathryn put up her hand, stopping him. Her hand landed on his chest, so she allowed it to linger there, "No, Chakotay, please don't go! I don't want to be alone anymore. For the last four days I've been alone, unable to talk to anyone on this ship. It hurt. I'm afraid that's all I'm going to be, just a shadow walking the corridors and no one even realizes I'm there. If you leave, that's all I'll ever be."
"What are you saying Kathryn?"
She took a deep breath, "I think I'm saying that I want to do all the things that I've already done, and more, only this time with you completely aware of them. I'm saying that this time I want you to participate, and allow me to feel like the woman that I think is still buried somewhere in here."
Chakotay couldn't stop staring at her, this past few days had been too much. "Kathryn, I.. I have to say …I missed you, your smile, our talks, everything. He paused for a moment, looking into her eyes, "I want to see you, talk to you, … Kiss you, feel you kiss me, see you kiss me."
Kathryn stood still for only a moment before crossing the space between them and wrapping her arms around his neck. She rose up on her toes and met his lips in a soft and gentle kiss.
He responded, kissing her softly, his tongue slipping between her lips to find hers, then lightly playing with hers, and sending shivers down his spine. His arms wrapped around her, trying to pull her closer, his hands moving all over her back, softly caressing.
Kathryn moaned into his mouth, the sensations he was creating in her were overwhelming. Any hesitation she had was quickly gone as she broke the kiss.
"Kathryn?"
She smiled at him, erotic thoughts filling her mind; dropping to her knees she quickly reached for his zipper and undid his pants. She pulled them off; his boxers coming with them and let them fall around his ankles. Her small hand took his semi hard member into her hands, slowly stroking him to a fully erect state. She then brought it to her mouth, her tongue snaking out to once again taste him. She then felt a bit more daring and enveloped him completely with her mouth, her tongue dancing along his length, while her teeth grazed along him.
Chakotay groaned, she was bring him to the edge all to fast, "Kathryn, stop or I'll …"
Kathryn didn't want to pull back but she also didn't want it over for him almost before it started. She reluctantly stood up and found herself being scooped up and carried off to the bedroom.
Once to the bed Chakotay gently laid her down then proceeded to remove her pants and underwear in on swift move. He wasted no time pulling her to the edge of the bed, leaving her legs dangling off the side. He looked up briefly, making sure there was no objection before diving between her legs.
His first lick sent Kathryn arching off the bed, a moan escaping her lips, "ohhh godddd."
Needing no more encouragement he continued his torture, alternating between licking and sucking until she screamed and convulsed against his mouth. He smiled as he made his way up her body, placing kisses as he moved. He paused at her breast, taking a nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue gently over it causing more aftershocks to shoot through Kathryn's core.
Chakotay continued upwards until he found himself face to face with her, placing a kiss gently on her lips as he positioned his achingly hard member at her dripping entrance. He rose up on his elbows, eyes locked with hers as he slowly slipped into her, filling her up inch by inch until he was in all the way. There he paused, watching her face, eyes closed mouth open, a low moan escaping from deep within.
Her eyes finally opened and locked with his, her hips rocked into his, letting him know she was more than ready. He began to thrust slowly; smiling as each of his thrusts seemed to bring a cry from Kathryn. He could tell she was already teetering on the edge; each of her cries were getting louder and she was digging her nails into his arms, drawing blood, but it didn't seem to bother him.
Chakotay continued to watch her face and knew the moment it happened; the look of rapture came first before the scream erupted from her throat. Her walls gripped his member so tightly that despite the control he was struggling to maintain, the strong contractions threw him over the edge and he spilled his seed into her.
He collapsed onto her, arms sneaking under her to pull her closer, "You're incredible."
She wrapped her arms tightly around him and in a breathy voice said, "You are, too."
He rolled them to their sides, taking his full weight off her. One hand moved to her face to brush the hair out of her eyes, "You are beautiful." He smiled at her blush, "I was so afraid I had lost you."
"You will never lose me now, Chakotay, either here or in the after life; I'm yours," she said in a whisper. "I've been your shadow lover for years and now that I've stepped out of the shadows I'm never going back."