What if our favorite couple just couldn't get it right the first time?
Kathryn laid on the bed quietly taking in the events of the night. Of all the scenarios she had played in her mind when she and Chakotay finally came together, this wasn't one of them.
He turned to her, "I'm sorry."
She didn't look at him, "No, I am. It's not your fault. I've never been very good at this."
He sighed, "I guess I always pictured it perfect."
"Me, too," she said quietly.
"I guess nothing is perfect."
"No, I guess not."
Silence took over once again; what else could be said? The two of them had started off with a quiet dinner and somehow ended up in her bed. She hadn't planned on sleeping with him, sex wasn't something she ever really liked, but here she was and now more dissatisfied than she had been before.
He had gone down on her, eager to taste her. But she found out a long time ago that she didn't really like that. She had let him start but after a few minutes pulled him away. He moved in to kiss her but the moment she tasted herself on his lips she broke the kiss.
They both knew the moment had been broken but they didn't stop. He placed his achingly hard member at her entrance and pushed his way in with a groan. She wasn't very wet but the sensation was still wonderful.
The tightness soon had its effect and it only took one thrust before he spilled his seed into her.
Kathryn rolled over, clutching the pillow close to her. She felt Chakotay move from the bed and held back the tears, "I'm sorry."
"Kathryn, I don't think either of us were really ready for this. Lets not give up. Please?" he pleaded.
"I won't," she said softly.
He bent down and kissed her cheek, a part of him wanted to stay but somehow it seemed to be moot point. He reached for his clothes and headed out to the living area. He dressed quickly and left.
=^=
It was two tense weeks before the two of them dared to be alone together. Once again Chakotay invited her to dinner, hoping to make amends.
She caved in, but suggested it be together in the mess hall. It was late and not many of the crew would be there. Not wanting to scare her off he agreed.
The dinner went surprisingly well, within a short time the two of them were back to the way it had been before, laughing and enjoying each other's company. There were only a few crewmen present when they entered and by time they finished dinner it was only the two of them left.
They cleared the dishes and began to move towards the door when Chakotay stopped her. Pulling her close he gently placed his lips to hers.
The kiss sent shivers up her spine; she wrapped her arms around his waist keeping him close to her.
"Can we try again?" asked Chakotay as he broke away.
Kathryn was about to answer when she noticed Tom and B'Elanna standing in the doorway. Embarrassed, she pulled away, "Sorry."
Tom laughed, "Don't be, we won't be here long."
Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Let's get going Chakotay. Enjoy your evening, you two," she said addressing the young couple.
They made it to her room in record time; once again they began to kiss both forgetting the disaster of their first time. Kathryn even felt the beginnings of arousal stir in her belly and wondered if this time they would get it right.
He moved to her and began to remove her clothes but she stopped him, "I… I would like to try something."
Chakotay smiled, "Go ahead, I'm all yours."
She got down on her knees and shyly reached out to his zipper. A blowjob was something she had never tried and she wasn't really sure why she was going to try it now. Maybe because of the newness of it all.
Sex was something that Kathryn Janeway had always hated, never finding much satisfaction in the act. She was always rather clumsy and shy about it all and despite herself, never very daring to do anything beyond the basics.
Her former lovers grew tired of trying to please her or convince her to do anything else. Instead they simply would climb on, fulfill their own needs and climb off.
She had hoped with Chakotay it would be different, her heart fell after their first encounter but she had high hopes that in time that would change.
She undid his pants and slowly pulled them down, taking his boxers with them. Once his erection was free she grasped the now hard organ, making slow strokes with her small hands.
She leaned forward and brought the tip to her mouth, she licked then pulled back. Not finding the taste as bad as she thought she daringly brought his hard organ to her mouth.
Chakotay groaned and unconsciously thrust forward, Kathryn gagged slightly and pulled back; but she didn't let that stop her. She pulled him back into her mouth, her tongue dancing along his length.
Once again Chakotay thrust into her mouth, this time with a bit more force. His organ hit the back of her throat and she gagged, stronger than before and she instantly felt the bile rise to her throat.
She pulled back fast and fell back. Closing her eyes she took slow deep breaths to fight the nausea.
Once she regained control, she opened her eyes to see Chakotay's concerned eyes on hers; she looked away, suddenly horrified at the thought that once again their romantic evening was ruined.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly, bending down to touch her cheek.
She nodded, "I'm sorry, I ruined it."
"No, Kathryn, don't be sorry. It will happen for us," he said with confidence.
"No, Chakotay, it won't. I just am not good at this. I've never liked it before and there is nothing happening that is changing my mind," she blurted out.
"Kathryn, please…" he began.
"No, Chakotay please go," she pleaded.
He knew this time he shouldn't leave but he still found himself pulling on his clothes and walking out the door.
=^=
The following day Kathryn walked into engineering and approached B'Elanna. The two of them began discussing the problem that B'Elanna had called her down there for, but the whole time B'Elanna seemed to have something else on her mind.
Kathryn wasn't in the mood, she had spent the night crying, knowing that she and Chakotay probably were through before they even had a chance to start. She had so hoped it would be different with him, but once again she managed to ruin another relationship.
B'Elanna looked up to the Captain, oblivious of her mood, she was curious and just had to ask, "So, is he any good?"
Kathryn shot up, "Pardon me?"
"Chakotay, is he any good?" asked B'Elanna with a laugh.
Kathryn was speechless; this was almost like twisting that knife that stuck in her heart. She opened her mouth to speak but these feelings were too fresh, she bit back the tears, "I think we're done here?"
Sensing the changing mood of her Captain, B'Elanna softened her tone, "Are you okay?"
Kathryn sighed, "It doesn't matter. Now if we're through here, I have a full schedule today."
B'Elanna nodded, thinking to herself, 'Maybe he wasn't that good after all.'
=^=
Chakotay paced his quarters, his thoughts in turmoil. He had always thought of himself as an adequate lover, despite the fact that at times he lost control a little early. Most of his partners had always left feeling more than satisfied.
Kathryn had him mystified; she seemed to be cutting him off at every angle, not letting him make up for the simple fumbles that sometimes fell between a couple. He knew the word for it, most men called women like Kathryn frigid. But that couldn't be true for her, or for any woman. He always felt that those 'frigid' women simply hadn't found their pace for making love.
But what was her pace? What was it that held her back, making her back off when she fumbled at something so basic.
It dawned on him what she had said, 'she wasn't any good at it, never had enjoyed it.' He began to wonder just how her former lovers had treated her. Did they give up too early, not trying to find a different way to reach a point of satisfaction?
He smiled as a plan began to form in his mind, tonight it would be different for them. Tonight they wouldn't worry about their bodies, but concentrate on more important things.
=^=
Kathryn wearily walked into her quarters after a long mentally and physically exhausting day on the bridge. She couldn't concentrate on anything; she kept finding her mind drifting to thoughts of Chakotay, thoughts of a relationship that once again fell through the cracks.
She called for lights and gasped at the sight in front of her, Chakotay stood there wrapped only in a robe with that beautiful dimpled grin covering his face.
"Chakotay…"
He approached her and put his finger to her mouth, "Shhh." He took her hand and led her into the bathroom that she found was lit only with candles, a beautiful scent of wildflowers filled her nostrils, the l bathtub overflowing with bubbles.
He kept quiet as he began to slowly peel off her clothes.
She was so surprised at the sight in front of her that she allowed him to completely strip her. Once naked he motioned for her to get into the tub, then he followed.
The worries of the day seemed to drift away as she nestled into the warmth, leaning into Chakotay's strong body, his arms wrapping around her to hold her tightly.
She felt his erection poking her in the back, so she reached between them to grab him, but he batted her hand away. "No, Kathryn, I don't need that. Just relax."
She settled back into him and closed her eyes. She felt a sponge touch her body and moved to sit up but he held her back. She once again leaned back, allowing him to wash her up.
His erection dissipated, putting Kathryn more at ease with it all. She allowed the feelings of warmth to spread over her, lulling her nearly into slumber.
She was surprised when she felt herself being lifted out of the tub, opening her eyes to look into his deep brown. He dried her off then carried her into the bedroom, setting her gently on the bed.
He lay down next to her then motioned for her to climb on top, "Lie down."
She was curious, "But…" never liking being the one on
top, she wasn't sure she wanted to.
"Trust me, come here," he said in a soft voice.
She did as told, lying on top of him. She moved a bit trying to find a comfortable position that seemed to elude her. Finally she nestled her face into his neck, enjoying the closeness he was offering.
She then felt him reach down and grab his once again hard member, nudging at her entrance, and she shot up, "It's okay. I thought of this, want to try this… please," reassured Chakotay.
She hesitantly lay back down and tried to relax as she felt his member slowly slip inside of her.
He began rubbing her back, starting at the base of her neck, moving down to her buttocks and back up again. One big slow circle that never seemed to end, "You're going to put me to sleep," she said lazily.
He whispered into her ear, "That’s my intention, Kathryn, close your eyes."
She smiled and felt her eyes drift shut, her body falling into a blissful relaxed state. He turned them to their sides, still not disengaging from her, settling her head on the pillow. His lips softly met hers then he too lay down, one hand firmly on her back keeping her lower half close to his.
=^=
Her mind began to sense an odd sensation through the haze of sleep. A tingling sensation that began in her belly and moved between her legs. She fought to wake up, at least a little more and soon remembered just what had happened before she had fallen asleep.
She could still feel Chakotay's member, now soft but slowly getting hard inside of her; it produced the most amazing feeling in her. She could tell that he was touching her, his large hand making slow circles on her sensitive bundle of nerves.
This was all new to her, although she had been able to bring herself to orgasm, it rarely happened at the hand of another.
She was too tired to fight it, sleep still heavy in her, so she let it take over. Before she knew it her eyes shot open as the shock of the orgasm rolled over her.
She didn't even realize that Chakotay rolled her onto her back, still deep inside of her. He rose up on his elbows and began to slowly move, thrusting in and out of her throbbing center.
More awake now, she met him thrust for thrust, somehow finding it easy to match his pace.
They rocked together for what seemed like hours, slowly, neither of them anxious for completion, just enjoying the sensation of the joining; more of the soul than of the body. Never once did they lose eye contact, even through the gentle kisses, the slow caresses.
His breathing changed, along with his pace, "I can't hold back."
Feeling the tingle once again returned she reached up to touch his face, "Neither can I."
The orgasm hit her just as his did, both moaning in unison at the tidal wave that washed over them.
They lay together breathlessly; Kathryn spoke first, "That was amazing."
"It was," he said with a smile.
"How did you know about that?"
"I just thought our goal has always been the release that intercourse brings. You obviously weren't comfortable enough with me yet to voice what you did and did not like, so that made you too tense to enjoy what we were doing."
He saw Kathryn advert her eyes, yet he continued, "Has anyone ever taken the time to find out what you like? Make you comfortable during sex?"
She shook her head, "No not really. I don't want to make them sound bad, I was stubborn…"
"I don't want to insult them either but it takes two people to enjoy this; if you disregard the other and only think of yourself, it can hardly be enjoyable for both of you." Chakotay shook his head, "Enough of this, I think it's time for sleep."
He began to roll them over, still keeping them connected. Kathryn stiffened slightly, "Chakotay…"
He looked at her with a bit of concern, "Are you okay?"
"It's just that…"
"What?" he asked.
"This is getting a bit uncomfortable," she said referring to the fact that they were still joined.
He pouted a little, but then pulled out with a groan, "I was beginning to think I could stay like that forever."
"Sorry," she said softly.
"Don't be. Don't ever be afraid to tell me how you feel. I love you, Kathryn, with all my heart and all of my soul," he said kissing her lightly.
She smiled, looking down she said, "I love you too, Chakotay. I now feel so… complete, like we're …"
He finished for her, "…connected. Joined at the soul, we just had to wait for our bodies to follow."
She smiled once again then snuggled into him, finally feeling at peace.