Disclaimer: I don't own them, i'm only playing.


Twists and Turns
by Sheri
rated PG13
Revised  8-31-02


Tom was doing his best to control his emotions, breathing in and out slowly, but it still didn't seem to help him any. The anger bubbled up in him and threatened to spill out no matter who was around to see it.

He turned to his wife. 'Wife, what a joke!' "You couldn't tell me this before? You had to wait until now?"

B'Elanna wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I really am. Tom, please, I don't know what to do right now.  Please don't leave," she pleaded.

"You want me to stay? By my damn definition you conceived that child around the same time we were married. Am I right? So are you going to tell me who the father is?" yelled Tom.

"Tom..." she began.

"Tell me, B'Elanna," he said firmly, still standing a few feet from the bed. His arms were crossed in a protective manner, hoping to keep his anger in check.

B'Elanna fell back onto the pillows. Why had she even told him? Because it was right and because she was so tired of keeping it a secret. Tom had been so looking forward to being a father.  She hated the look in his eyes when she uttered those words telling him of a moment of weakness that created their baby.

Not their baby, her baby.

 "Tom. Please, I don't want..." she began but she could tell he didn't want to hear it. She couldn't believe she was about to tell him. "Chakotay. It's Chakotay's."

Tom opened his mouth to say something but no words came. He fell into the chair behind him, his head falling into his hands. He felt B'Elanna's presence, pulling at his hands but he jerked away. "Not now."

"I love you, Tom. I know this doesn't make a difference but it happened before the wedding, Tom, just before that race. I guess it's why I felt restless, why I wanted to affirm our love. It's never happened again, Tom, I swear. I love you," pleaded B'Elanna.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Maybe if you had told me right away then I..."

The tears came faster. "I'm so sorry. I was afraid to tell you, afraid of..."

"Does Chakotay know?" he asked.

B'Elanna nodded.

"Son of a ...shit, I can't believe this," swore Tom. "I've got to get out of here," he said then wordlessly walked out of the small apartment they had shared for the past week.

Two weeks, they had been home two weeks. 'That beautiful baby girl had been born three weeks ago and she had waited until now to tell him the truth.'

Tom felt the tears brimming in his eyes and tried to fight them off. It did no good and they freely cascaded down his cheeks. He walked blindly, for how long he wasn't sure, but suddenly found himself standing outside the small house. He walked up to the door and stood there silently. 'Why the hell would she care? She was just his captain after all, his former captain at that. '

He was about to walk away when the door opened behind him. "Tom?"

He turned to face her. "I'm sorry, Captain; I didn't mean to bother you."

Noticing the pilot's obvious distress she came down the steps, took his hand and guided him into the house. She walked him over to the couch and gently guided him to sit down, then moved to the replicator and replicated two coffees before joining him on the couch. All the while, thoughts were running through her head wondering what could be wrong.

Kathryn watched him slowly sip at the coffee, staring into the cup as if all the answers to his problems lie within. "Tell me, Tom. What happened?"

"You don't want to know," he whispered.

"Try me," she said.

"Miral ...she's such a beautiful baby. Never once in the three weeks since she was born have I looked at her and wondered. I thought I was so lucky that my little girl looked like her mother, with that tan skin, those beautiful ridges, those dark brown eyes, the spitting image of B'Elanna." Tom looked at his captain. "How was I supposed to know that she was also the spitting image of her father?"

Kathryn gasped, "Tom, you don't mean..."

"I'm not her father. B'Elanna told me today," he said.

Kathryn closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch. "Who is?"

"Chakotay," he simply answered.

She shot up looking at him. "You are kidding aren't you, Tom? Please tell me you're kidding."

"No, I'm not. You two aren't..." he said alarmed. He had always assumed those two would be together when they got home and now he could be possibly breaking the two of them up. That wasn't what he had set out to do.

"No, he's not interested," she flatly said. "My feelings don't really matter any more."

"Oh, I think he is, or at least was. And of course your feelings matter, that is if you feel for him the way I think….  He would be stupid not to be interested...shit, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Tom. Thank you. I do feel strongly for him but…" She paused for a moment before changing the subject back to him. " So what are you going to do?" she asked.

"I don't know. I can't go back there right now. If I had been told right away, I could have forgiven her, but for her to wait all this time. She said Chakotay knew all this time, too. How could that man shake my hand and congratulate me knowing the baby was his own. I want to kill that..."

"Tom, stop. I don't think that would get you anywhere," she said taking his hands in hers.

"I know," he said pulling his hands away. "Look I should go."

"Go where?"

"I don't know," he said solemnly.

"Stay here, Tom. I have a spare bedroom. You need time to think," said Kathryn, somewhat surprised at her own suggestion.

"I can't do that to you, Captain," he said.

"Do what? Come on, first of all I think it's about time you call me Kathryn. And second, I'm just giving you a place to stay," she said, trying to convince him. She wanted to give him time to think about all that has happened, not wander off and fall into an old habit that had never done him any good.

"I appreciate that, Capt.. Kathryn."

"Fine then. It's late and I'm hungry. I was going to replicate myself a salad. Would you like one?"

Tom nodded; glad to be in the company of a friend.

=^==^==^=

Kathryn wasn't sure what to do; it had been three weeks and Tom was still moping around her house. Not that she minded him there, to tell the truth she had always enjoyed his company. There was something about Tom that brought a cheerfulness to the air, although it was lacking at the moment.

She had wanted desperately to call Chakotay and talk to him about the situation. She was still in shock over the news that he could have had an affair with B'Elanna. After all this time to find he turned to her was something Kathryn had not expected. Not that she ever gave him a clue about her feelings. Oh sure, she tried to but than her views of protocol always interfered.

She had been shocked when she found out about Chakotay and Seven dating, but also equally as shocked when Seven approached her the day before Tom showed up explaining that she and Chakotay had decided to call it off. Of course, then she inwardly cheered, hoping that she could now have her chance to approach him.

Fate once again stepped in and threw a new obstacle in the way. Shaking her head she walked into the kitchen curious to see just what Tom was doing. She didn't want to dwell on what could have been.

"Hey, smells good," she said.

Tom glanced up with a smile. "I just thought I would try my hand at cooking us a real meal. I'm not half bad, you know."

"What's the occasion?" she asked dipping her finger into the bowl to take a taste of the sauce he had just whipped up.

He swatted her hand away. "I just wanted to do something for you. You have put up with me all this time; and I haven't been the greatest company. I guess I'm feeling a bit better now and wanted to say thank you."

"Well, I won't object to a home cooked meal. So what is it?"

Tom chuckled, "Actually, it's macaroni and cheese."

"Hmm, sounds good. I don't think I've had that since I was a kid. It's not something I often thought of eating with a replicator on hand," she admitted.

"You don't mind, do you?" he asked.

"No, not at all. Get it finished; I'm hungry."

They enjoyed the quick meal then both retired to the living room; Tom muttered comments about wishing he had gotten the television from B'Elanna, bringing laughter from Kathryn.

"So, Tom, you said you felt better now. What brought this on?" asked Kathryn.

"I don't know.  I guess, to be honest, I would have to say being here with you," he admitted. "You have always been a source of strength; you never mince words or lie unless there is a good reason for it. You would have never done this."

"Tom, I'm glad I could help you. I can't begin to imagine why she didn't tell you sooner, but maybe you should consider whether you want to give her up," said Kathryn.

"I can't answer that yet," he said quietly, his face showing the pain he still felt inside.

"I know, take your time," she said, gently patting him on the arm.

"Well, if you don't mind I think I'm going to retire," said Tom.

"Sleep well," she said.

"You, too," he added before moving up the stairs.

Kathryn sat in silence before deciding it was time for her to go to bed, too. She moved to get up but then the computer signaled that she had an incoming message. It was awfully late but she decided to take it. Turning on the console she was shocked to see Chakotay's face staring back at her.

"Hello, Kathryn," he said.

"Chakotay," she said acknowledging him. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk to him, her emotions were still in a jumble over the news about the baby, plus him being with Seven. But he was a friend, first and foremost, and she wanted him to know that, despite any pain it may cause her.

"I suppose you've heard," he said.

"Yes, Tom is staying here," she told him.

"Ah, I see. B'Elanna has been worried. He hasn't let her know where he was," said Chakotay.

"This isn't information for you to pass on to her, Chakotay. Let her know he's okay and that’s it, please," she asked. Kathryn didn't want to end up in the middle of all of this, despite the fact that she was already there. This was for the three of them to figure out; how she felt shouldn't matter.

"Listen, Kathryn, I need you to understand my position. I'm not going to defend what happened because no matter what way you look at it, it's wrong."

"I don't want to hear..."

"I need you to know, if nothing else just so you understand. We didn't plan it; we didn't get together for it to happen. It was really one of those 'one thing led to the other' kind of moment. We both instantly regretted it and didn't speak of it again," he explained.

"Until..." she began, knowing she still didn't want to hear about it but she also knew Chakotay needed to talk about it.

"Until she told me she was pregnant. She was devastated, Kathryn. B'Elanna dearly loves Tom, and one night with me did this," he said.

Kathryn sighed, "Chakotay, I don't know what to say. I've always known you and B'Elanna shared something special and it's never bothered me. To be honest, it still doesn't, but the fact remains that you were a factor in this; you created that child with her... that child is your responsibility."

"Kathryn, I know this. Believe me, I don't plan on abandoning that little girl, but B'Elanna doesn't want me there for anything more than a friend, and I don't want to be anything more than a friend. We have decided to play it by ear on what role I will play in Miral's life. She wants Tom back," said Chakotay.

Kathryn shook her head, "I'm tired, Chakotay. What this boils down to is this should be between Tom and B'Elanna; it's not for us to discuss. You screwed up, Chakotay, and you have to face the consequences, both of you do. I will not try to influence Tom in any way.  This is his decision to make. I will not be a liaison in this," she said a little angry.

"I understand, and I don't expect you to.  I just... Kathryn, what about us? I always assumed when we got home, maybe…" he first looked her directly in the eye but then lowered his head. He knew he had no right bringing this up, especially at this time but he couldn't rest until he at least said it. He had to know, one way or another how she felt.

"There hasn't been an us, Chakotay, and that’s not something that I can think about right now. Please understand," she pleaded. "I care about you, Chakotay, but you have things you need to figure out before we can even consider us."

Chakotay nodded, looking defeated then cut off the signal. He turned to B'Elanna, who was standing a few feet away. "I tried."

"We really screwed this up, didn't we?" said B'Elanna sounding defeated.

"Yeah, we did. I guess I better get going," said Chakotay.

"Where?" asked B'Elanna.

"Home, away," said Chakotay. "I honestly just don't know right now."

"We can't run from this Chakotay. I know I blew it with Tom and I can only hope I can make things right with him," said B'Elanna. "But you still have a chance with her. If you really do love her then you will be patient and give her time. Besides, I could really use my friend right now."

Chakotay smiled and pulled her into his arms, "We'll be okay, and quit jumping to conclusions. I am not going away for good. I just need a day or two to sort this in my head. I will always be here for you and Miral. I can promise you that."

She returned the embrace. "I know. I guess I'm just a bit jumpy right now. How am I going to do this? Being a mother always scared the hell out of me but now, doing this by myself? I really thought I could do it but…"

Chakotay pulled back slightly, "You can do this, B'Elanna. Besides I said I would be here and I meant it. If you need help, just tell me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here anymore than you do, but I will not run away. You are my friend, B'Elanna, and friends help each other out."

They broke the embrace and she nodded to him, knowing that he needed time to think. She couldn't hold him here; she had no right to. Besides she didn't want Tom to jump to any more conclusions about the two of them. Chakotay was just a friend, neither of them wanted to make it anything more.

=^=


A few more weeks passed and Kathryn still could not get an answer out of Tom. If she brought up the subject of B'Elanna, he quickly cut her off. She had finally told him that it was obvious that he didn't want to go back to her and if nothing else B'Elanna had a right to know. Of course that started an argument between the two of them that had them screaming so loud she wondered if the neighbors would be tempted to call security.

They were both on edge and both refused to admit what the problem was. For Tom, he didn't want to admit that maybe his feelings for B'Elanna wouldn't change. Despite what she had done, he still loved her. Now he had a war raging within him. Could he move past this and get back with her, or was his love not strong enough to hold them together.

For Kathryn, her problem was Chakotay, or rather her feelings for him. She felt awful for deceiving Tom but he would hate her if he found out that she had been continuing her conversations with Chakotay nearly every night for the past week.

Kathryn knew that Tom blamed Chakotay as much as he blamed B'Elanna. There had been many conversations when Tom voiced his opinion on the man and that opinion had never been good. He had told her that he felt she would be better off if she didn't try a relationship with Chakotay, she would have been hurt in the end and be suffering right along with him.

The problem was, she wasn't suffering at all. Through the late night vid calls she had discovered more about Chakotay and his feelings for B'Elanna than she ever knew and she could almost understand why it happened. The attraction had always been there yet neither one of them wanted to do anything about it -- until that night.

Not that it made it right, it didn't; but she didn't blame him any and she clearly let him know.  

Kathryn was also discovering more about her feelings for Chakotay and knew they were growing stronger each time she saw his face appear on the computer screen. Despite the fact that she had put him off in her earlier conversations, she knew she was now openly flirting with him and thoroughly enjoying it.

Chakotay in fact was asking her to step up the 'relationship;' he was getting tired of only seeing her face on a screen and asked her if she would at least come over for lunch. He also told her that B'Elanna wanted to see her, and she had to admit that she missed her former chief engineer. The call last night ended with her agreeing to having lunch at B'Elanna's house. Call it a safe place where they wouldn't have to deal with the idea of moving up the relationship, yet they could begin it, and see where it would lead from there. Chakotay had told B'Elanna that Tom was staying with Kathryn, despite the fact that Kathryn asked him not to. Kathryn was angry at first but also understood that Chakotay was just trying to reassure B'Elanna.

Kathryn wanted B'Elanna to know that Tom was doing okay, and she hoped she could get away with not bringing up Tom's feelings about her. She didn't want to get put in the middle any more than she already was.

=^=

The lunch went wonderfully, with little Miral stealing the show. Even at the ripe old age of four months, she knew how to manipulate every adult in the room until they were all a pile of mush, gooing over the child.

Kathryn didn't want to put her down, and almost asked if she could steal her for a while, giving B'Elanna a break. She quickly realized that if Tom found out about any of this he would be sorely hurt.

KathrynShe had to stop this; she loved Tom but could not let his problems interfere with her life. Despite the fact that they were not involved, here she was sneaking around, getting paranoid about being found out. She had put her life on hold for seven years as she steered her crew towards home. Now here she was, in a sense free and she was still waiting, afraid to see how Tom would react considering how he felt about Chakotay.

Tom's bitter mood was affecting everyone and it had to stop.

Miral began to fuss, giving Chakotay and Kathryn the idea that it was probably time to leave. They said their goodbyes, both hugging B'Elanna before they headed out.

Kathryn didn't notice at first, but Chakotay took her hand as they headed down the road. She smiled but didn't pull it away. "Kathryn, I know we've talked about it, and I really don't want to push you but… can we give us a try?"

"Chakotay, I have thought about it a lot. I think I would like that, slowly," she said, a little excited.

He grinned, his dimples coming out in full force, then they faded. "I didn't mean to hurt you with this, Kathryn."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "You didn't do this to me, Chakotay. I know, Tom expects me to be hurt by this, and maybe I'm supposed to be. But you had no hold on me when that happened; I had no hold on you." She took a deep breath and continued, " You have to make this up to Tom and B'Elanna, not me. We will work out your role with Miral, together."

They reached the transport station, where Chakotay gently kissed Kathryn good bye before she transported to her home. He stood staring at the pad, as if he could still see her until the technician let him know it was his turn to transport. Breaking out of his reverie he stepped on the pad and prepared to be whisked off to his home, in much better spirits than he had been in a long time.


=^=

Kathryn arrived home to find packed bags sitting by the door> "Tom?"

"In the kitchen, Kathryn," he called out.

She moved to the kitchen to find him standing over the stove. "What's with the bags, Tom?"

"I've done a lot of thinking," he began, slowly stirring the soup bubbling in the pot. "I think it's time I left for a while. I've been unfair to you and I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere with my feelings here."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help," said Kathryn.

"Hey, don't talk that way. You have helped me more than you know. I just need to get away for a while, maybe exploring a bit of the single life again will help me decide what I want to do with…"

"I know," she said. "I think maybe you're right. You are a great friend Tom, and I'm glad I could be here for you to help you. But I think I just may go crazy if you stay here much longer."

Tom laughed, "Okay, so we aren't meant to be roommates. But please know, I appreciate all that you've done."

She patted him on the arm. "I know Tom. So when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow. I've already arranged transport on a shuttle," he said.

"You're leaving Earth? Tom, is that necessary?" she asked, slightly alarmed, concerned about how B'Elanna would react when she found out.

"Yes, it is. Now dinner is ready. Go have a seat and let me serve you in style," he said with a grin.

=^=

He left the following morning, before Kathryn even got up, leaving her a note saying he was never very good at goodbyes. He promised he would come back soon, saying maybe in a couple months, maybe sooner, and not to worry.

Kathryn quickly called Chakotay, realizing she hadn't told him this the night before. He was shocked to hear that Tom had left and ended the call quickly saying he should tell B'Elanna.

Kathryn sat back in her chair and sighed. She knew this wasn't going to be easy for Tom and hoped he could find some peace in his explorations. She felt sorry for him; he had been lost for so long and finding love with B'Elanna had been what she felt helped straightened him out. Kathryn dearly hoped he would not head back down that self-destructive path; it hadn't done him any good before and certainly wouldn't help any now.

As far as Kathryn herself was concerned, she knew she would be okay. She knew she loved Chakotay and she wouldn't let a  moment of weakness that created Miral interfere with their love. Miral was a beautiful child, and she may have been an accident, but not all accidents were bad; she may have been unplanned but never had she been unwanted. Yes, she had been shocked when she first heard the news but she knew how to forgive and she had already done that. Helping Tom had helped her get past the shock of what had happened and now, like Tom, she had to move on.

Kathryn silently made a vow to help B'Elanna through this, to let her know that she held no resentment toward her and that although she might  not be able to convince Tom to come back, she would do her best to encourage him if and when she saw him again.

=^=

The weeks passed then turned into months. Kathryn and Chakotay's relationship grew and although they had not taken that final step to making the relationship more permanent,  they knew they would soon. He had been living in a tiny apartment, not the most comfortable place to come home.

They had talked the previous night and Kathryn had finally invited him to live with her. He had spent many nights with her already, just staying up till all hours talking, getting to know each other off a starship.

Kathryn had received one letter from Tom that simply said he was doing fine but still wasn't sure about when he would return home. He didn't mention a word about B'Elanna, which bothered Kathryn. Maybe he had made up his mind and didn't want B'Elanna after all.

Kathryn and Chakotay were both worried about B'Elanna; she had been growing more and more depressed and it was becoming more and more difficult to draw her out of it. She didn't seem the same anymore, almost distancing herself from everyone, including Miral.

B'Elanna had called Kathryn earlier asking if she and Chakotay would be willing to watch Miral over night; claiming she needed a long overdue break.

Of course Kathryn and Chakotay were eager to take Miral; the both adored the little girl, and they began to get things ready for the little tornado; as Chakotay called her. At only six  months old the child was so aware of her world -- she was already crawling all over the place, grabbing whatever her little arms could reach. walking would come shortly since her Klingon heritage meant she was maturing slightly faster than the average human child.

When B'Elanna dropped Miral off later that evening, both Kathryn and Chakotay noted that B'Elanna seemed to bring an over abundance of supplies. Neither of them complained and assured B'Elanna that they would take good care of Miral.

B'Elanna barely smiled, hugged her daughter with tears brimming in her eyes and quickly left.

Much to their relief B'Elanna called them two days later, saying she needed to go find Tom. She asked them if they could keep Miral for a couple weeks while she went to find him.

Neither one of them had the heart to tell her no; they knew she needed closure to all of this, even if it wasn't the conclusion she wanted. Besides, both Kathryn and Chakotay would freely admit they loved taking care of Miral.


=^=

Two weeks later a more cheerful B'Elanna sent them a message. She didn’t say much but let them know she had found Tom and that they needed another week before they would return.

They assumed by the "we" in her message that maybe Tom would be coming back with her; for B'Elanna's sake, they hoped so. They knew that the both of them needed each other and if they both wanted it badly enough, they could make it through this.


The doorbell rang and Kathryn got up and opened it; she was surprised to see both Tom and B'Elanna but also a bit shocked to see a little boy standing beside them holding Tom's hand. "Hi there," said Tom.

"Hi yourself, Come on in," said Kathryn reaching out for him and pulling him into a hug then reaching for B'Elanna and doing the same.

The three of them walked in. Tom stopped the moment he saw Chakotay holding  Miral.

It was a tense moment but it soon passed when Chakotay approached Tom. "She has missed you both," he said, handing Miral over to Tom.

"She doesn't even know me," said Tom, carefully taking the little girl. He gently reached out, carefully touching her small ridges, tracing their path. Miral reached out, grabbing his finger, bringing forth a smile from Tom.

Chakotay smiled, trying to lighten the mood, " Give her time, Tom. She'll get to know you."

Tom instantly glared at him, but only for a second, his mood changed quickly, "You're going to have to give me time, too. My wife I forgave; I love her more than life itself, but you, Chakotay, aren't going to be as easy."

"Tom…" began B'Elanna.

"B'Elanna, I told you this won't be an instant fix," he said with a tight tone.

Chakotay held up his hand, "B'Elanna, its okay."

Kathryn decided the subject had to be changed and addressed the fact that they had arrived with a little boy. "So, who's this?" she asked.

"This is T'kar. We are fostering him at the moment," explained Tom. "But," he began, looking at his wife, "we are planning to adopt him."

Tom moved towards the couch. The others followed as he began to explain. "See I had hopped on the nearest shuttle that met with the starship Greatheart. It was delivering supplies to one of the  Klingon colonies that had been devastated by the war with the Dominion. Of course, at that point I had no real destination so I stayed with them, offering my help.

"They gladly took it, being short staffed at the time. Well, once we arrived I was with the group that was delivering some medicines and clothing to an orphanage; it was small, understaffed and those poor kids…"

He looked at T'kar. "They explained that they had thought of the idea of fostering these children off world but the idea was one that was just in the beginning stages. They had never considered such an undertaking before and getting people to accept Klingon children wasn't as easy as it may seem. There are several children of mixed race, mostly Klingon and human, as there were both humans and Klingons in this colony but that wasn't going to make it any easier. It was then that I realized everything: Miral, my acceptance of her, these kids… it was almost overwhelming. I had the sudden need to find my wife, make it all work with her and planned on hopping on the next ship that I could to come home."

B'Elanna took over the explanation, "That's when I showed up, so to speak. When I left you, I went and… terrorized any one I could to find out where Tom had gone. It wasn't very hard; that poor pilot nearly fell over when I gave him no choice but to tell me where he left Tom. From there I followed the Greatheart to the Colony and probably would be for the next few days. I called you, made sure you could keep Miral and threatened the pilot once again for a ride; he was more than willing," she said with a slight laugh.

Tom spoke up. "I then get a message that B'Elanna was on the way and to please stay put. I couldn't have been happier, so I did and that’s when I met T'kar. By the time B'Elanna got there I was already in love, had already talked to them about fostering him here on Earth, and had told them that I would promise to try to get the ball rolling for them on this end. I think the demand for these children would be greater than they realize, if only people knew that a bunch of wonderful kids need good homes."

B'Elanna eyed Kathryn. "You two wouldn't be interested would you?"

Kathryn chuckled, "I think I am too old to be raising babies, B'Elanna."

"Well, that’s the great part," she explained. "Most of them aren't babies. The youngest of the children still at the colony are only two years old. Yes, that’s young but not as hard as a baby and you would actually be a foster parent until they could find adoptive parents."

She turned to Chakotay, seeing his smile she turned back to B'Elanna, "Can you give us time to talk about this?"

"Of course," said B'Elanna.

"I think we should get going," said Tom. "I'm anxious to get settled back in at home and … anxious to get to know my daughter," added Tom, watching Chakotay for any reaction.

Of course, from Chakotay there was no response. He had always hoped Tom would accept that role, knowing Tom was Miral's true father, not him.

=^=

Chakotay later found Kathryn, lying on their bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Are you okay?"

She looked to him, gesturing for him to join her. "Hmm, yes I'm fine, just thinking…"

"Let me guess, about being a foster parent?" he asked.

"That is one thing," she said. "I guess I'm thinking about us, too. I think I honestly want to do this, Chakotay. Yet that's almost like a permanent step for us and are we ready for that?"

"Yes, it’s a big step but I do believe it's one we can handle and one that we would probably enjoy," said Chakotay. "I know I love you Kathryn. I've told you often enough and I will continue to tell you until the day I die. After that I will whisper it to you while you sleep because even death will not separate me from you."

"Oh, Chakotay," said Kathryn.

"I thought for sure you would hate me after you found out what I had done. I don't deserve the trust you put in me. It was unforgivable and inexcusable. B'Elanna is my friend and why we ended up screwing on her floor is really beyond me but we did and we can't go back," said Chakotay. "I only hope that one day Tom can look me in the eye without wanting to kill me."

"He will, Chakotay, he will. I think having T'kar around will probably help him a lot. He's a child not of his blood yet so easy to love; it's very similar to his relationship to Miral. He loves Miral, I'm sure of it.  He just needs to get past you being Miral's father." said Kathryn reassuringly.

He propped himself up on his elbow, laying on his side, "But what about you, Kathryn?"

"Chakotay, we've talked about this. On Voyager a relationship between us wasn't possible. If I had lost you to B'Elanna or Seven or whomever else, it was something I would have had to live with. The fact that you fathered a child before we started a personal relationship has nothing to do with me," she stated matter of factly.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked.

She turned to her side, her face just inches from his. "I'm positive. We have overcome a lot, Chakotay. Don't put barriers where none exist.."

He took advantage of her closeness to place a gentle kiss on her lips, his hand moved to her hips to pull her closer. The kiss grew more passionate as they fell into each other's arms, making love until they both fell asleep from exhaustion.

=^=

Four weeks later Tom informed Kathryn and Chakotay that the final arrangement was made and the children would be arriving in a week. Tom had convinced several of his former crewmates to serve as foster parents, all eager to do their part in helping with the Parises' new cause.

Kathryn and Chakotay had been asked to take in three children -- one little girl, age two and twins, a boy and a girl who were five. They eagerly agreed to take the three and began to prepare the rooms for the children, expecting the two girls to share a room and the boy to get his own room.

They were both excited and nervous, knowing neither of them had any experience in raising children, but both felt it was a challenge that they could handle.

Just in case, both brushed up on anything they needed to know about the Klingon culture, hoping to make the transition easier on the children They discovered there wasn't all that much difference from human children.  Knowing it wasn't a permanent situation made the anxiety a little less. They knew, most of all, that these children needed love and attention, something the two of them had plenty to give.

Kathryn took a leave of absence from Starfleet, telling them she wanted to devote as much of her time to the kids in the beginning as she could.  Chakotay had been teaching at a local college and although he had to finish the semester out with a full schedule, he could lessened his load for next semester easily enough.

Everything was ready. They only had to wait for the children, and like most new parents, they spent many hours pacing, worrying about problems that may never arrive. The one thing they didn't discuss much becoming adoptive parents. What if they couldn't find permanent homes for these three? What would they do then? Send them back to the colony to live?

It was a discussion neither was ready to have.  By unspoken mutual consent, they decided they would worry about that when it happened and not a minute sooner.

=^=

The twins had been living with them for four months. Both CA'trai and Cratho had adjusted rather well and were well on then way to establishing a home right where they were. Little Brinna had found a family within her first month on Earth, a family that had been trying to have a child for many years and were extremely thrilled to get her.

As for CA'trai and Cratho, Chakotay and Kathryn knew finding a home for them would be more difficult. Not many families were looking for two children, let alone two who would be six in a few more months. They, in fact, were the oldest children that had been brought to Earth. The other families had already found adoptive homes for their young charges and had invited more children into their homes.

Kathryn and Chakotay spent many late nights discussing what they should do. They both, in their hearts, knew what they wanted to do. They didn't want the children leave.  After finally admitting to each other that they didn't want to give up the twins, they decided that they would discuss it with them in the morning. CA'trai  and Cratho should have a say  in the decision, too.

Epilogue:

Cratho eyed his father carefully as he watched him bait the hook, then throw the line into the lake. Chakotay looked to him and nodded, Cratho took the hint and gave the rod a shake, watching it flail and land only a few feet away. "I'm no good at this," he mumbled.

"You are doing just fine. It takes practice," said Chakotay, reassuringly.

"CA'trai is doing better than me and she's a girl," he said, angrily.

Chakotay looked over at his wife, who was sitting next to his daughter, both of them sitting with their legs dangling in the water. CA'trai had adapted to her new family a lot easier than Cratho had. He was still an angry child, lashing out whenever things didn't go his way. They attributed most of it to his age, knowing six was not an easy age, especially for a half Klingon boy. Maybe for the average child, it would have been easier, but Cratho had seen so much horror at his young age and had had to grow up much too fast.

Kathryn and Chakotay were doing their best to let the twins know that they were children, children played, goofed around, went fishing without a care in the world. It wouldn’t be easy to forget all that had happened in their young lives but maybe they could put it behind them and learn to have fun again.

The children had found homes on Earth and were all developing well. A total of fifteen children had been adopted and it was hoped that more would be coming soon.

Kathryn had received the list of the new arrivals only yesterday; Chakotay noticed a young boy with his name now highlighted. Kathryn never ceased to amaze him; they had talked at length about keeping the family down to only the twins but he had a feeling her adjustment to motherhood had went better than expected and perhaps now she was considering adding another to their brood.

Chakotay didn't mind, he had always wanted children and although he had hoped they would be of his own blood, he didn't mind using adoption either.

"Chakotay?" began Kathryn.

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering, did you look over that list of orphans we received?" she asked, a hint of playfulness on her voice.

"Yes, I did," he answered.

"Did you see the little one I highlighted?"  she asked.

Chakotay feigned innocence. "I did notice that, was there a problem?"

"He's blind," she said. "Only two years old and such a hardship."

"I can't see that as being a problem," said Chakotay, holding back the smile.

Surprisingly it was Cratho who interrupted the conversation, "We get the hint, Mom. You want to adopt him, don't you?"

Kathryn laughed, "You are a smart one, Cratho. What do you two think?"

CA'Trai spoke up. "It would be fun, wouldn't it, dad?"

"I would love to have another one around," answered Chakotay.

Kathryn leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll put us in as his foster parents then."

Chakotay nodded with a smile, pulling Cratho close for a brief hug before returning to his fishing.

****

B'Elanna and Tom were also doing well with their new family. Tom was still awkward around Chakotay, but doing his best to overcome his hurt pride. He didn't want anything else to come between him and B'Elanna and their growing family. Miral was immediately drawn to him, not knowing the difference between a father of biology and a father of the heart; she was far too young to understand anyway.

T'Kar too, had adjust well, settling into the family as if he had been there all his life. He was constantly doing what he could to 'help' raise Miral, at times calling her his own.  Tom and B'Elanna smiled when he would take her by the hand saying "Come on, my Miral."


They had all learned that forgiveness had to be a part of them, otherwise how else could they move on. Life would always hand you on many twists and turns, and they knew it was how you dealt with them that showed what kind of person you are




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