Mila wandered down the dusty street of the old town,
nodding to the people that passed her by. Jebb seemed to slow down as she
approached but she simply smiled and turned away. She knew he liked her,
but she did not hold the same feelings. He took the hint and continued on.
Mila knew that Bassal and Tira wanted to go out this evening, so she would be left with the baby. She did not mind at all, she rather enjoyed the times she had the baby to herself. Besides, the two of them had done so much for her how could she refuse to help them when they needed it?
She finally made it to the little house and ran inside, "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not late."
"Mila, no, of course you aren't. Are you sure you're up to watching the baby for such a long time?" asked Bassal.
"I sure am. I promise we'll be ok, besides, it's only three or four hours, you two deserve it," answered Mila.
"It's just that we don't like leaving you alone, in case...." Tira began.
"Look, I may have had some problems, but I'm ok now. You two have made sure of that, so trust me, ok?"
"We do trust you Mila."
"Good, now go and enjoy," said Mila, ushering them out the door.
As soon as they left she went over to the crib, the baby was sound asleep. It would give her some time to do a little studying. The translator that she wore helped a lot with the language difference, yet Mila was determined to learn how to speak their language. To her it seemed to be a gesture of good will, something to show this family and the people of this planet how grateful she was and that she was trying to fit in.
She still remembered vividly waking up in the hospital here on Sonas, her mind a total blank. She had struggled to pull out something, anything to tell her who she was, but all she had were mixed up words and confusion. The people at the hospital treated her injuries, but determined the amnesia she suffered from could remain permanent.
The planet was poor and their technology was limited, they sent out a few messages stating the finding of a woman, possibly from earth, but never heard any replies. So they quickly found a family willing to help take care of her, Bassal and Tira were the couple that volunteered. They were expecting the baby at the time, but felt they could offer the woman the help she needed.
She needed a name, and for whatever reason thought of Mila. It was who she thought of herself now, still not remembering anything else of her past.
That was ten months ago, Mila's recovery went well, and yet no memory of her former life surfaced. So she continued to live on, here in this quaint house, with this special family who took wonderful care of her.
She didn't get too far into her studying, the baby let out a cry, letting Mila know she was awake. Mila approached the crib and lifted the baby out, cradling it gently in her arms. The baby still fussed, letting Mila know she needed to be fed, so she headed to the fridge to get one of the bottles. Once she heated it up, she placed it near the baby's tiny mouth and she took it greedily.
She sat in the wooden rocker and just slowly rocked the baby. Such a beauty she was, with her soft dark hair, and faint ridges on her forehead that would soon grow to match her parents.
Mila's hand unconsciously went to her own forehead, smooth, unlike the baby's. It made her wonder more about herself. She knew she would never completely fit in here, but luckily they didn’t really make her feel like that.
Once the baby finished eating, she put her back in the crib and settled back on the couch. She was too tired to continue reading, but didn't want to fall asleep, so she decided to pick up the blanket she was knitting.
By the time Bassal and Tira arrived back home, she had quite a bit more done on the blanket, "So how did it go?"
"Oh fine of course, she slept most of the time," answered Mila.
"Great, you look tired, why don't you go off to bed?" said Bassal.
"I think I will," and with that she wearily went to bed.
~~~~~
The morning was beautiful, bringing Mila awake at sunrise.
She made her way downstairs to find everyone already awake.
"Mila, I was about to head to town. I was going to bring the baby, to give Tira some free time, would you like to come?"
"That sounds great," answered Mila.
"Well get some breakfast and we'll head out."
Mila quickly ate and joined Bassal waiting outside.
"I'm ready."
The two of them made small talk on the walk into town.
"you know Mila, I bet we'll run into Jebb."
"Oh please, If you think that’s flattering, your sorely mistaken," she retorted.
"Mila, the man likes you. He would take good care of you, you should pay some attention to him, you may be here for a long time."
"Trying to get rid of me?" she asked, jokingly.
"No, I'm not. I just want you to consider the future. You can stay with us for as long as you need, but someday you will want to be out on your own. It would be nice to have someone to keep you company once in a while."
"Bassal, I just don’t feel anything for Jebb. I would think there would be some sort of spark, a sign, or something. I don't know," she said, looking down at her feet.
"Hey, give it time. Maybe Jebb isn't the right man for you, but someone out there is, you will make a wonderful wife someday."
"Maybe, but I can't help wonder what I left behind. Was I happy? Did someone love me? Did I have a family? Or was I alone in this universe? So many possibilities, so many unanswered questions."
"I don't think you were alone. You may have lost your memories of before, but you have a personality that just draws people to you. And you are beautiful. No, someone like you probably had someone who loves you very much."
"If that's so, then where are they? I've been here almost a year, and no one has come looking for me or answered any of the messages we sent."
"Now you know with our technology it's possible those
messages never reached their destination. And even if they did, they could
have just been jumbled words to them. The asteroid belt creates nothing but
problems for us, communications and all," said Bassal, trying to stress this
to her.
"I know, I just want answers to things that I can't
find out here," said Mila.
"Did you ever consider asking for passage on one of the ships that come?" Bassal asked.
"Yes, actually I have, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet."
"Maybe not yet, but keep it in mind. Here we are, I have to go in and talk with the Ambassador, could you watch the baby for a while?"
"Sure, I'll go wait in the park." She took the baby and walked to the nearest bench.
She glanced over to the transport station, noticing a new shuttle beginning to dock. This one seemed almost familiar in design, something about it in the back of her memory. She was about to get up and go closer when Bassal stopped her
"The Ambassador was busy. What is it?" he asked.
"That shuttle, do you know where it comes from?" she asked, pointing to the transport station.
He looked over to station.
"No, it doesn't look familiar. Why? Do you recognize it?"
"I don't know, maybe. Could we go and look?"
Bassal thought for a moment.
"Well, it could be possible that you traveled the stars, you may have seen something like that ship out there. It was obvious to us by appearance alone that you were not from around here."
Mila laughed.
"Ok, you have me there," she stopped just before they reached the entrance to the station. "You know, on second thought, I would like to just head back home."
"Mila, don't you want to see if you recognize anyone or anything?" he asked her.
She was still reluctant.
"No, yes... oh I don't know."
Bassal took Mila by the hand and led her into the building, he stopped and walked up to one of the workers, then returned.
"All he knows is they are here on official business. They already transported to the Ambassador's office, so we missed them."
"Oh, maybe we should go back home, or..." Mila began.
"Or maybe we should head back to the Ambassador's office and see who is there with him," Bassal finished the sentence. "Mila I don't want to ignore this, it is the first thing you recognized from your past; that’s important."
She smiled.
"It is a little exciting. I was beginning to wonder if I would remember anything. And even though this is just a feeling, it still feels good much the same."
They headed back to the Ambassador's office, and noticed him right outside. He looked up.
"Bassal, how wonderful, you came back," he yelled. "I was about to send someone looking for you. These people have come from the Federation, it seems they received the messages, although they were too deteriorated to understand."
"That’s wonderful, Mila they're here for you," he said turning to face Mila.
"Really? They got the messages?" she asked.
Upon hearing the voice Chakotay turned to face the woman.
"Oh god, Kathryn? Is it really you?" he rushed up to her, then stopped, noticing her holding the child.
Mila leaned into Bassal, still a little uncertain.
"I don't know who you are? And my name is Mila."
"Mila is the name we gave her, you say you know her?" asked Bassal.
"Of course I do. She's Kathryn Janeway, Captain Kathryn Janeway. She's been missing for almost a year, but no one knew where. We assumed she was killed in the explosion, but her escape pod was never found, yet we knew it had been launched," explained Chakotay.
Tom stepped forward.
"Captain, it's great to see you."
"Umm, thank you," Mila said, a little uncertain. "So why didn't you come looking here? Did you give up the search?"
"We have been searching, but you have to understand, this planet you're on sits on the inner edge of an asteroid belt. Not many ships can traverse it, and there is no way an escape pod can. How you survived is beyond me."
"Oh, I see," she said, feeling a little guilty about her little outburst. "I'm sorry, I just..."
"Hey, it's ok," said Chakotay. "It's understandable that you would wonder where we were."
Bassal spoke up.
"Listen, I can tell Mila is a little uncertain here. Why don't we head back to the house where we could get something to eat, and maybe do a little talking. Give her some time to adjust to this new information."
Chakotay turned to Tom and the rest of the away team.
"I think that's good, Why don't the rest of you stay here, and finalize any arrangements needed and try contacting the ship. There are a few people up there who will be quite thrilled with the news you will give them. I will go and talk to Kath... Mila."
Tom nodded and they continued their separate ways.
Chakotay followed Mila and Bassal back to the house, he couldn't keep his eyes off the squirming infant in her arms.
"The baby is beautiful," he commented trying to break the awkward silence.
Mila looked down at the baby then up to Chakotay.
"She sure is. I think I could hold her forever."
Bassal laughed.
"She is spoiling her, what are we going to do with that baby when you leave? She will expect to be held all the time."
"Come on Daddy, you hold her just as much as me. And Tira too, you won't have any problems and you know it."
"Tira is my wife," Bassal explained to Chakotay, "and yes I spoil my daughter as much as Mila does."
Chakotay sighed from relief, for a moment he had wondered if the child was Kathryn's.
"So you live with them?" he asked.
"They took care of me, when I couldn't care for myself. I still have a few problems, although they are minor. Mainly with their language and well, adjusting to all of this. Knowing I had a life out there that I knew nothing about. They offered to let me stay here with them. And I'm not ready to leave, so ... here I am."
"I can't thank you and your wife enough, you obviously took good care of her," said Chakotay.
"Mila is a wonderful woman, it has been a joy watching her blossom into what she is today. In the beginning it wasn’t easy, but it didn't take long to get a routine going."
"Besides the amnesia, was there anything else wrong?" asked Chakotay.
"Well, she had quite a few injuries that took some time to heal. The main problem you could say was confusion, she didn't know anything about herself, she could not understand our language, she was so frustrated. The translator she wears helped a lot, but not enough in the beginning."
"I can understand that, it must have been hard," added Chakotay.
"It was, but Mila did well. I should have guessed that she would have been a Captain, she has a way about her that says she likes to take command," Bassal laughed. "Ahh, here we are. Wait until Tira hears this news, she wont believe it."
They stepped into the house and were immediately greeted by Tira.
"Bassal, who is this?" she asked, gesturing towards Chakotay.
"Well, his name is Chakotay, and he claims to know our Mila. In fact he says our Mila was a Captain, and her name is Kathryn Janeway."
"Oh Mila, that is wonderful," Tira said, pulling Mila into an embrace. "So Mr. Chakotay, just how well did you know Mila or should I say Kathryn?"
"Very well, we served together for seven years, before finally getting home. She was my best friend and ... well, I'm just glad to see she's ok."
"Getting home? Just where were we for seven years?" asked Mila.
"Well, lost in the Delta Quadrant," explained Chakotay.
"Lost? I sure have a knack for that, don't I?" she laughed.
Chakotay smiled at her.
"You sure do. God it's good to see you. When they said the ship exploded ... I think a part of me died. I thought I would never see you again."
This time he didn't hold back, he pulled her into his arms, holding on to her tight.
Mila hesitated for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him too.
"I wish I could say I missed you too, but..."
He pulled back slightly and just looked at her.
"I know, I understand."
"Well, I was just about to fix lunch, Mila, would you come help me?" said Tira, wanting to get Mila alone for a moment.
"Sure of course," she said handing the baby to Bassal.
As soon as the two of them entered the kitchen Tira turned to Mila
"He is so gorgeous. My god Mila, and it's obvious he likes you."
"It's not obvious, I mean, he just claims to be a friend of mine. But ... he is kind of cute, and those dimples..." said Mila with a faraway look in her eyes.
"You are in denial, and you know it. You have to learn to just accept things Mila. It seems like you are going to be leaving us pretty soon, and this man may be the one to continue helping you, possibly regaining your memories. If he shows you affection, there is nothing wrong with accepting it," Tira stated.
"I know, I guess I didn't realize that. I mean, I will be leaving here. I don't know if I'm ready for that right now," stated Mila.
"You're ready, I know you are. We will go talk with this man, see what he can do to prove that he knows you, and go from there, ok?" said Mila, trying to reassure her.
Mila shook her head, and continued helping to make the sandwiches.
Once finished they headed back out to the living room where Chakotay and Bassal seemed to be engrossed in something.
"Just what are you two doing?" asked Tira.
"Mila, come see," said Bassal.
Mila walked up to the two men and looked what held their interest. Chakotay was holding a padd, which he handed to her.
"That was your official Starfleet picture, the rest in there are from our time on Voyager, the ship that you captained."
Mila was fascinated, she slowly paged through the pictures.
"Its really weird to see these. It's like someone else's life."
"Well, they aren't someone else's they're yours," he stopped her at a particular picture. "You really had a thing for that monkey, I swear you wanted to make it a pet."
"Where am I here?" she asked.
"Well, that was in our second year on Voyager, we were stranded on a planet we called New Earth. Do you remember any of it?" he asked.
She stared at the picture for a moment.
"No, nothing comes to me. Why were we there?"
"Well, we were both infected with a virus. The planet shielded us from the effects of it, if we had remained on Voyager, we would not have survived. So you handed over command to Tuvok and we stayed there."
"Tuvok, who is that?" she asked.
Chakotay sighed.
"He was your tactical officer, and an old friend. He's vulcan."
"Vulcan? I know, I'll learn about all of this as time goes on," she said shaking her head.
"Tuvok was probably one of your closest friends on Voyager. Next to me that is," Chakotay laughed. "From what I remember, Tuvok was once assigned to keep an eye on you. I think you made a few mistakes, where Tuvok clearly let you know in front of your superiors. You said you were absolutely furious with him, yet you found out later that he would be one of your closer confidants. Someone you would turn to when you needed advice, a shoulder to lean on so to speak."
"Where is he now?" she asked.
"He's on Vulcan with his family. He spent a lot of the time, when you disappeared, searching with us. Although the search was ended shortly after it began. Like I said, it's absolutely amazing that you survived. We all assumed that you were killed, I'm glad to see we were all wrong," Chakotay said, a tear slipping from his eye.
"God, I wish I could remember all of this, it's like hearing about someone else's life. When I saw your shuttle, it ... it looked familiar, yet nothing seems to be coming back to me, it's frustrating. I even find myself doubting this, if it wasn't for the pictures of someone who is clearly me, I think I would doubt all that you are saying."
"You don't believe me? That I know you? That..." said Chakotay disbelieving.
"No, it's not that. I guess I just assumed when I got to this point, sitting with someone who knew me, that something would come back to me. Even the smallest of details."
"Mila ... or should I say Kathryn, you need to give this time. I have seen enough here to believe this man. And despite the fact that I am going to miss you horribly I think it is time that you did leave, and go find that life you left behind," said Bassal. "I know it will be difficult, but you will be ok. You will be amongst friends who will now take care of you. And even if the memory of that life does not come back, you will begin a new one, creating new memories with people who care about you."
"When are we leaving?" she asked a little uncertain.
"I don't want to rush you, but we should be leaving in the morning."
"I guess I should get my things ready then."
Mila got up and left the room.
"Give her time, she'll be ok," said Bassal to Chakotay.
"I know her well, I know she'll be ok. And I can tell you this, I won't leave her side," said Chakotay.
"I take it your feelings for her are more than friendship?" said Tira with a smile.
Chakotay's dimples came out full force.
"That is an understatement. I have no problem saying I love that woman more than life itself. I had a lot of guilt before she disappeared, I had become involved with another crew member, someone who was close to Kathryn. I think it really bothered her, and yet when we got home she completely supported my relationship with Seven. I, on the other hand, immediately had doubts, suddenly Kathryn was free from the constraints of command, free to be in a relationship with me," Chakotay leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. "She told me about the mission, that she would only be gone a short time. To her it was a conversation with her friend. But for me, it was my liberation, I had planned to break it off with Seven, and I actually did it the night Kathryn left. I was hoping that Kathryn and I could... explore the possibility of having a relationship when she got back."
"That never had a chance to be," commented Bassal.
"She was only supposed to be gone a week," Chakotay continued, "it was just a short diplomatic mission. When they told me about the accident, a part of me died. We spent the next few weeks joining the search for the missing escape pod. We knew it headed in the direction of the asteroid field, but lost any trace of it after that. There was debris, left from the crash, floating amongst the asteroids, Starfleet determined that the escape pod was part of that debris. It was hard to believe that, but we had to. I followed that woman for seven years, holding my feelings for her at bay, she was a Captain, and unable to act on them. And then we get home, and a month later she was..."
Chakotay sighed.
"I understand, I don't know what I would do if I lost Tira, she is my life," said Bassal. "You know, I think it might be wise to give her some time here with us right now. If you want to leave tomorrow then we will want to spend some time with her before she goes. And it might give her time to adjust to all of this with out you putting her under any more pressure."
"I don't really mean to pressure her, maybe your right. I will go back to the shuttle for the night, and prepare to leave in the morning."
"That would be good, don't worry, we'll talk to her."
"I'd like to tell her that I'm going, I should..." started Chakotay.
"We'll tell her, don't worry," said Bassal escorting Chakotay to the door. Before Chakotay knew what was happening he was outside and the door was shut. He shook his head and headed back to the ship.
~~~~~~~
Tom sat twirling in the pilots seat
"You're telling me they basically shoved you out the door, just like that."
"Yes, I didn't even have a chance to tell Kathryn I was leaving. I thought it was going well, then Kathryn seemed to back off, practically ran out of the room. Then next thing I know it, I'm out the door. I get the feeling they don't want her to go," said Chakotay.
"I hope we aren't going to have any problems, we come all this way to investigate this message, and find our long lost Captain," Tom grinned. "We should have known a simple asteroid belt couldn't destroy her. Damn, the woman survived the borg, the Kazon and here we thought she succumbed to a few rocks."
Chakotay let out a laugh
"You have a point there Tom. Ok, I won't worry about this yet. So, did their government ask for anything?"
"No, not really. They made a few comments, I think they were almost hints. About needing a better communication system and a few other things, but none of them were demands for their care of the Captain."
"Well, when we get back to earth, we can look into what we can do. How about Voyager, were you able to get through?" asked Chakotay.
"Yep, no problem. And yes, they are all excited to see her. How about her memory, does she remember anything?"
"No, not really. She said the Flyer looked familiar, but that’s it. I even showed her pictures of New Earth, and times on Voyager, and got no response. Well, she commented on a few, asking questions, but didn't remember a thing. It may take time Tom, and then again there are some amnesia victims that remember nothing of their former lives. We may have to face the fact that she may not."
"Damn, I don’t think I could imagine that. Not knowing anything about yourself, having it all be a mystery," Tom said sadly.
"Well, she has us, and I for one do not plan on leaving her side once we leave this planet."
Chakotay was determined.
Tom said nothing, he knew Chakotay was torn up inside. All of this was a bit much, coming here to simply investigate a message, and finding the Captain.
The rest of the night the men did their best to keep busy, trying to keep their minds off the future of their former Captain. They slept in the flyer, hoping the morning would bring a new hope to them all.
~~~~~~~~~~
Morning came, and still no word from Bassal, Tira or Kathryn. Chakotay decided it was time to go back to the house, make sure she would still be coming. He exited the Flyer and came to a dead stop.
Kathryn stood in front of him, holding the baby. Tira and Bassal stood behind her, Bassal holding onto a bag.
"Here are her things, she didn't have much," said Bassal handing Chakotay the bag. "Please take good care of her, and if its possible, we would like to see her again."
Chakotay took the bag, noticing Kathryn never once looked up to him
"I will take care of her, I can promise you that. And if she wants to come back, then I will bring her back to visit, that isn't a problem."
He stood back, watching the tearful good bye. Then led Kathryn into the shuttle over to a seat near his own.
Tom was sitting at the pilot's seat,.
"Ok Captain, this will be a bumpy ride, so buckle in. Preflight checks are already done, so we'll be taking off as soon as you're ready."
Kathryn nodded and sat down, allowing Chakotay to strap her in.
"I should tell you that I'm a little nervous. I really don't remember any of my time in space so this is new to me," she explained.
"Don’t worry," said Chakotay. "Tom is our best pilot."
Kathryn tried to smile as she stared ahead through the shuttles window. Before she knew it, she felt the shuttle lift up, and she gripped the seat a little. She eased up a bit as they took off, but as they neared the asteroid belt, she found herself gripping the seat once again.
"We are going to fly through that?"
"Hey, don't worry. The autopilot does most of it, but you will feel the occasional small asteroid hit," explained Tom.
"Oh boy," was all she said.
Tom laughed, and began the flight program that would fly them through the belt.
"See, the computer is plotting a course, and will take off when the time is right. We'll shoot through quite fast and be on the other side before you know it."
"Don't worry Kathryn," said Chakotay.
She smiled at him, that same crooked smile he grew to love over 7 years, and was now quite glad to have back in his life.
~~~~~~~~~~
Epilogue:
Kathryn sat nervously in the chair, gripping it tightly.
"I really hate this part," she commented as Chakotay readied the shuttle for the flight through the asteroid belt.
"I don't think anyone really likes it, yet we don't have much of a choice," he said.
"Then lets get it over with," she laughed.
Chakotay watched her closely, their first child was due in three months, something Chakotay never imagined possible. But here they were, married, happy, and on the way to visit the family that made it all possible.
Kathryn never regained her memories of her past, but with the help of her friends, she was shown most of it. She was different, at least a little bit. She was still the same head strong person, but seemed to lean on Chakotay a bit in the beginning. He wasn't prepared for that, but still welcomed it all with open arms. He would do anything for her.
Instead Kathryn had started from scratch, meeting her former crew as if they were strangers, only this time she embraced their friendships.
And through it all, Chakotay was there. He kept his promise, never leaving her side, and she slowly found out that she loved this man more than anything else she could imagine. She found it difficult to imagine ever turning away from him, and although she longed for her former memories to return, she was happy they weren't there to steer her away from Chakotay again.
They had talked at length about Chakotay's guilt, how it was unfounded. He had every right to pursue someone else if she had showed no interest at the time, but she had to admit that she was glad that Chakotay and Seven were no longer together.
She remembered meeting the former drone, and despite no memory of the woman, Kathryn almost burst out laughing. She had gotten to know Chakotay quite well during their trip back and could not picture him even liking a woman like that, let alone getting involved with her.
Seven seemed happy enough, she said she spent a lot of time with Voyager's EMH and although neither of them would admit it, Kathryn could see the two of them really liked each other.
It had taken her the past year to wonder just who she was, and at times she still wasn't sure about that.
"Hey, we're here," said Chakotay.
"Sorry," said Kathryn. "I was lost in thought there for a while."
"What were you thinking about?" he asked.
"The past, wondering what it would be like if the accident never happened," she admitted.
"Kathryn, I don't think you need to be worrying about that. You can't dwell on the past, it holds no relevance anymore. You don't know how you would have changed if the accident didn't happen. You are still, to me, the same Kathryn I knew before. You may not remember anything about your past but I do, I still see the same smile, hear the same laugh, and I still get bossed around by the best."
He put one hand on her head.
"You may not remember here," he moved the same hand down to cover her heart, "but you do remember here, and that is what counts."
She felt the tears well up in her eyes.
"Oh Chakotay, a year ago I didn't even know your name, now I can't imagine a day with out you."
Chakotay nearly choked up, he pulled her into an embrace.
"I love you Kathryn."
Kathryn may never remember the significance of those words, but he sure did. The same words spoken that once let him know that this woman did feel deeply for him, but at that time she just could not show it. Now she could, and those words took on a whole new meaning.
They would shoot through this asteroid field, to see the family that, in essence created this Kathryn Janeway. The family that brought her out of the darkness her mind had fallen into, and guided her back to life. He knew there would be tears of happiness and of sorrow, for she would find it hard to leave them once again. But this was something he would look forward to, because there was once a time that he wondered if she could laugh, or if she could cry.
Who was she? The question Kathryn had asked a lot
over the past year. She was still the Captain, her heart never forgot that.
She was still Kathryn, that was someone who could never be lost. She was
a wife, and soon to be a mother, and a good friend to many people. She was
Kathryn Janeway, unstoppable, maybe even invincible. And now she was his.