I Need More
by Spud
All was quiet.
The candlelight from the pillars on his dresser danced over the dark walls
of his
quarters.
Chakotay's eyes were tired but yet he couldn't bring himself to relax enough
to sleep.
The last few
days had taken more of a toll on him that he had thought possible. He had
been
terrified
for them. Chakotay tossed again in his bed. Who was he kidding? He had
been terrified
for her.
Tom had known.
They had taken comfort in each other's eyes. Each knowing that the woman
they loved
was on that cube and being changed forever by the Borg. Chakotay hit the
mattress
with his fist.
How he hated them. He had died inside when he had given the order to back
away
from the cube.
Her life signs had faded away and he knew what he had to do. He and Kathryn
had discussed
it in detail but he had hated every minute of it.
Staring out
at the passing stars, Chakotay willed himself to relax, to calm down and
sleep. His
thoughts kept
straying to Kathryn lying down in sickbay. His emotions were in turmoil.
He was
angry, relieved,
scared and hopeful all at the same time. He had yet to see her since she
had
held his hand
on the bridge and walked away into the turbolift. Her eyes had reached
out to him.
Chakotay turned
again trying to bury himself under the bedclothes. She had to be the bravest
women he knew.
He began to breathe in deep, slow breaths. Sleep, he commanded himself,
sleep…
An hour later
Chakotay was no closer to rest than he had been for the last two days.
He had to
see her.
Had to make sure that she was really here and OK. Damn what the doctor
said. He
was going
to her. Chakotay pulled on his uniform with great speed now that his decision
was
made and was
soon striding purposefully toward sickbay. The corridors were empty given
the
hour of the
day so he was not side-tracked from his mission.
As he approached
sickbay he saw Seven leaving. Not really surprised that Seven too would
need to touch
base with the captain, he quicken his step so that Kathryn would not have
the
opportunity
to fall asleep before he got there. The sickbay doors slid open. Chakotay
stepped
inside noting
the dim lighting and the sleeping forms of B'Elanna and Tuvok. The doctor
was
nowhere to
be seen. Thank goodness thought Chakotay as his eyes sought out Kathryn,
he did
not want to
have a lecture from the doctor.
He walked further
into the room before he noticed her. She was sitting up on a biobed with
PADDs and
a computer strung out around her. And she was looking right at him. He
didn't know
what to do,
to laugh, to cry, to hold her… He heard her whisper his name and he smiled.
She
was smiling
now too. As he neared the bed he said jokingly, "Leave it to you Kathryn
to be back
at work without
a care in the world for doctor's orders." He sat down beside her.
Kathryn laughed
quietly. "He's not here is he? I do believe that even I would feel guilty
this time.
The Doctor
has worked so hard and has been very attentive. Too attentive," Kathryn
finished
with a wry
smile. Chakotay chuckled in response to her tone. They sat together during
the
silence that
followed neither looking at the other. Finally Chakotay placed his hand
on hers. She
looked into
his eyes. All the emotion he had been holding back for years was there
for Kathryn to
see.
Kathryn smiled
at him. She hadn't really seen a look like this since he had confessed
his need
for her on
New Earth. She raised her hand to cup his face, looking tenderly at him.
He closed his
eyes. He was
lost forever to this woman. Did she really know the depth of his love?
He sighed.
"Chakotay."
Kathryn whispered. He opened his eyes and looked into hers. " We made it
back
Chakotay.
Everything is OK. I will be back to normal in no time and we will be fine.
We,
Chakotay,
you and I. I couldn't have done this without your support." Chakotay sat
back in his
chair. Kathryn
was surprised at how quickly he pulled away. There was a touch of anger
on his
face that
confused her.
"Kathryn, I
need more than that from you. Yes, I support you in command decisions.
That's my
job. But I
want you to need me because, Kathryn, I need you so terribly that it scares
me. I need
you. Not the
captain but Kathryn. You."
Chakotay never
looked away from her eyes. Kathryn smiled and reached out to draw him close.
"I need you,
too, Chakotay. Kathryn needs you, not the captain. I should have been clearer
before. "
Kathryn buried her face into his neck. "Didn't you know that, Chakotay?"
Chakotay held
her close, grateful that she was opening up just a little. They sat there
in sickbay
like that
for along time. Gaining strength and peace from each other. Each
making silent
promises that
they would keep the love they felt alive. Forever.
End