And so it went for the next two weeks. Every few days they would prey on some hapless ship or colony. Thankfully, more often than not their reputation preceded them and they met with little resistance. Chako was true to his word to release cooperating victims unharmed, though given how little he left them with, Sarah wondered if some of them survived their subsequent journey.
His voracious sexual appetite fortunately did abate somewhat, down to 4-5 times a day. They would slip into the ready room for a few interludes each day, and he would almost always have her twice before they went to sleep, but at least he was mostly letting her sleep through the night now.
Some of their evening play became more elaborate; he liked to tie her to the bed or chair from time to time, often followed by him teasing her with his lips and tongue until she screamed for him to finish her off. Perversely, she discovered that she liked being tied up, especially when she realized the astounding boost it gave her orgasms. Sometimes they would start the day with him slipping in to join her in the shower, pinning her to the shower wall, with the bathroom door angled so that they could watch themselves in the mirror on the back of it. Or, she would kneel in the shower, the water cascading over her, and take him in her mouth, sucking him dry.
She was gradually acclimating to the depravity of her existence, both as a courtesan and a pirate, and she tried not to think about her former life on Voyager. She had never really had any hope that Voyager would find her in this universe, or that El Diablo would find its way to the other one, though Chako had only yesterday given up on finding a way through.
/*\
"A ship on long range sensors, Chako," Karn, the Kazon at the ops station, announced mid-afternoon of Sarah’s fifteenth day aboard.
"Alone?" Chako asked.
"Yes, sir."
"Set an intercept course," he commanded the helmsman. "Type of ship?" he queried.
"Unfamiliar, sir. We’ve never encountered this hull configuration before. There’s nothing in our database. It’s larger than ours, that’s about all I can tell you at the moment," Karn replied.
Chako knit his brows intently, perplexed and cautious. Taking on a bigger ship didn’t worry him; El Diablo had superior defenses, maneuverability, and weapons compared to most adversaries. But with the combined knowledge base of the many different species represented on his crew, it was rare they encountered a vessel that was completely unknown to them. Everyone on the bridge went into a heightened state of alertness.
"Weapons systems?" Chako barked.
"I can’t get a reading yet…wait…looks like phasers…and photon torpedoes."
Chako looked puzzled. "Unusual weapons."
But not to Sarah. A chill started at the back of her neck and ran all the way down her spine and outward, until she felt numb all over. Could it be?
"Can you get a visual yet?" he demanded.
"Soon, sir…." the Kazon answered. "There she is," he said after a minute.
Chako heard Sarah’s sharp intake of breath behind him, and he turned to see her stunned expression. She looked almost frightened, and his eyes asked her for an explanation.
She answered in barely a whisper. "It’s Voyager. The ship I came from. They found a way through."
Chako turned back around and stared at the viewscreen, calculating his next move. "Will our neurogenic torpedo work against their shields?"
"Unknown, sir," Karn replied.
Chako looked around to see the stricken expression on Sarah’s face. "Worried about your former crewmates, Sarah?" he asked with a smirk.
Sarah was afraid to answer him. How much power, if any, did she hold over him? If he didn’t like her answer, if he interpreted it as betrayal, would he kill her on the spot as he had threatened on the first day? Or did he care too much for her now to get rid of her so easily?
"I…I wouldn’t want to see them get hurt," she said quietly.
He smiled slightly. "I don’t intend to hurt them. But I want to be ready just in case." He turned back toward the screen. "No, I want to use them. If they found their way here, maybe they know how to get back. And we can follow them. How long until we’re in hailing range?" he addressed Karn.
"Five minutes, sir."
He turned again to Sarah. "Why do you think they have come here?"
She hesitated, again afraid to respond. "I don’t know…they…probably are looking for me and Rollins."
"And do you want to go back to them?" Chako asked, almost like a challenge.
Sarah knew the "right" answer to that question. "No, I want to stay with you." As she spoke the words, in her own mind she tried to determine their veracity. The truth was, she was no longer sure where she belonged, where she wanted to be. Voyager was "safe," and dull. She was a small fish in a big pond. Voyager was also morally uncomplicated.
Life on El Diablo was much more dangerous, in many different ways, and the moral implications of her participation in their nefarious activities was troubling. But in some strange way, she had become tightly bonded to Chako. She didn’t love him, but she needed him, she wanted him, and every day she craved their sexual encounters a little more, as if she was becoming physically addicted to him.
Chako snapped her out of her reverie. "Will they fight for you?" he was asking.
"I’m not sure. Probably not, if I assure them I’m here by choice," she replied blandly.
"Good. When I initiate contact, stay out of sight until they ask for you. Then come to stand in just in front of me, your usual pose," he instructed. "What is the captain’s name?"
"Janeway. Kathryn Janeway."
"Ah yes. I hope your Chakotay is on the bridge with her. This should be a very entertaining exchange." He turned toward tactical. "Kiyal, weapons on standby."
"We’re in comm range, sir," Karn reported.
"Hail them."
Janeway appeared on screen and started into her standard greeting. "I’m Captain Ka…" She faltered for a moment when the face on her viewscreen registered.
"Kathryn Janeway of Voyager," Chako finished for her. He was in his standard intimidation pose, except a broad smile replaced his normal scowl. He was enjoying this immensely. "I am Captain Chakotay of the starship El Diablo. Welcome to our universe."
Never before had Sarah seen Janeway at a loss for words. Commander Chakotay stepped up to his usual support position just behind her left shoulder. They both stared at the screen, dumbfounded.
"That’s quite a handsome fellow at your side," Chako chuckled. "Commander Chakotay, is it?"
Chakotay regained his voice and senses before Janeway did hers. He glanced at her, then back at the screen. "Yes. Am I to understand that we have crossed over into the mirror universe?"
That would explain the strange readings they had gotten when they scanned El Diablo for life signs. While they had picked up many signs, they could only identify one by species – Lt. Stanton’s. She must be the only non-mirror on the ship. He remembered that people in the mirror universe reportedly had "flipped" DNA – all the base pairs were reversed. Voyager’s database had not been programmed with the mirror sequences.
He, like all Starfleet-trained command-level officers, had been briefed on the mirror universe. It was treated as classified information by Starfleet, just as Q was, and the Borg before Wolf 359 made them a household name. Plenty of people speculated about it, but Starfleet’s official position was that it didn’t exist, even though they knew differently. One item from the briefing stood out in his mind: contact with the mirror universe was to be avoided if at all possible.
"Yes," Chako replied. "I take it you are surprised to learn that. You did not cross over intentionally?"
Janeway clicked back into command mode. "We encountered an anomaly and took a ride. We had not yet figured out where we are." She paused. "You have us at a disadvantage, Captain Chakotay. Presumably our Lt. Stanton has told you about us. Our scans show that she is a guest on your ship. We would like to get her back and be on our way."
Chako smirked. "I don’t believe that will be possible." He gave his head a slight jerk as a signal to Sarah, and she walked over and stood in front of him, hands on hips, her face aloof.
"Hello, Captain," she said simply.
She was a vision, in her tight leather pants and sexy bustier, her chestnut hair cascading wildly around her face and shoulders. Tom Paris reflexively let loose with a low whistle; aside from that, everything on the Voyager bridge was absolutely silent and still for several seconds. Then several of the men began to squirm a little from the sudden tightness in their uniform pants.
Chako put his hands on either side of her bare waist. "Sarah has chosen to stay with me, Captain Janeway. We have become…quite close."
"I’d like to hear that from her, if you don’t mind," Janeway said curtly.
"It’s true, Captain. I’ve joined Captain Chakotay’s crew. I’m quite happy here. There were some opportunities for advancement not available to me on Voyager – I’m part of the bridge crew here," she said dispassionately.
"Yeah, sleep your way to the top," mumbled Paris under his breath, a comment that was fortunately not audible through the comm link.
From looking at Stanton’s eyes, Janeway’s gut feeling was that she was lying under duress. "And what about Lt. Rollins? Is he with you, and has he chosen to stay as well?"
"I’m sorry, Captain. Lt. Rollins did not survive the trip through the anomaly that brought us here," Sarah replied sadly.
Janeway grimaced at the news, which she believed since they had been unable to locate him on the other ship. "I’m very sorry to hear that. He was an excellent officer." She dropped her head for a moment to recover from the blow. "Well, Lieutenant, if you truly want to stay there, I won’t stand in your way. But I would like to speak with you privately before we are on our way – and no doubt you have items you would like to retrieve from your quarters here. We will beam you aboard at your convenience."
"No," stated Chako flatly, his face growing dark, his arms tightening around Sarah. "I’m afraid I can’t allow you to do that." *Try and stop me,* Janeway thought. "Perhaps in your universe things are different, but here I trust no one who hasn’t earned my trust. To me, Sarah is the most precious thing on this ship. You are welcome to come here and meet with her privately, but she’s not coming there."
Janeway considered that for a moment. "Let me get back to you, Captain Chakotay," she said and dropped the comm link.
"Harry, can you get a lock on her?" she snapped.
"Yes, captain."
"Beam her right to the bridge – she might have information that will help us if they attack. Then put shields up as well as a force field around her, undoubtedly they’ll try to get her right back. Do it!"
On El Diablo, Sarah felt the familiar tingle of the transporter. The last sound she heard was Chako’s anguished cry as he realized she was literally slipping through his fingers.
As she materialized on Voyager’s bridge, she felt her stomach lurch. Janeway had taken the decision out of her hands – if she went back now, Chako would still undoubtedly be outraged at Janeway and probably would kill everyone on Voyager, unless their shields could prevent it. Their best bet was to outrun him.
"I suggest we get out of here at maximum warp, Captain. Chako has a weapon that can kill us all and I have no doubt he’ll use it, but I don’t think he can match our speed," Sarah exclaimed urgently.
"Do it, Tom," snapped Janeway. "Take us back to the anomaly. We’ve got to get back to our own universe."
"Yes, ma’am," replied the pilot emphatically, and Voyager took off with a flash of light.
Sarah stood there, numb, then sank to her knees and buried her face in her hands. Janeway signaled Ensign Kim to drop the force field, and she kneeled by Sarah and put her hands on her shoulders.
"Are you alright?" the captain asked.
Sarah looked up at her, dazed. "I’ll be OK. I just need…I just need to collect my wits."
"Harry, transport us both to sickbay," commanded Janeway, "Commander, you have the bridge."
Chakotay looked on in concern as the two of them disappeared. He felt very disoriented by his brief encounter with his mirror. At the same time he was very disconcerted at the visceral response he had had to Lt. Stanton’s provocative appearance, especially when his counterpart had put his arms around her. Lucky for him he had been standing behind Janeway, and then everyone’s attention was diverted by Stanton’s arrival. Hopefully no one had noticed the bulge in his pants.
/*\
The doctor completed his exam, and motioned for Janeway, who had been hovering like an anxious mother, to join him in his office.
"Is she injured, Doctor? Is she alright?" she queried.
"She seems perfectly healthy, with one exception," he replied, sitting at his desk.
"Being?" she prompted him.
"She has minor contusions and abrasions in and around her genital area. Also, based on the evidence available, I would estimate that she has engaged in intercourse between 7 and 10 times in the last 48 hours.
Janeway’s face wrinkled in a grimace. "Multiple partners?"
"No. All the biologic material came from the same individual," he reported.
"Consensual or non-consensual?" she asked, looking a little sick.
"There is insufficient evidence to determine. There is no overt damage to her genitals that would indicate forcible penetration of an unwilling victim, but if her assailant used lubrication, it could prevent such damage. Her injuries could be the result of vigorous consensual sex, or not. We’ll just have to ask her," he said.
Janeway stared off into space for a moment, thinking. "I want you to run a quick analysis on the assailant’s DNA, Doctor. Reverse all the base pairs and look for a match in Voyager’s personnel database."
"Captain?" The doctor had not yet been informed of their whereabouts.
"Do it. I’ll explain shortly."
His fingers moved over his computer console, and Janeway knew what he’d found when she saw the astonishment on his face. "I don’t understand," he stammered. "The reversed sequence matches Commander Chakotay’s."
"I thought it would." She explained to the doctor where they were, and what they had seen on El Diablo’s bridge. "I think she was being coerced, but as you say, we will just have to ask her."
/*\
Lying on the biobed, Sarah could imagine the conversation between the captain and the doctor. She knew they would have questions she didn’t want to answer. She thought through how she would handle those questions. She didn’t want to lie – but maybe she could avoid telling the whole truth. They were compassionate people, surely they wouldn’t push someone who had been through such a traumatic experience…
The captain came out of the office and returned to Sarah’s bedside. "How are you doing?" she asked, laying her hand affectionately on Sarah’s shoulder.
"I’m…better," she replied impassively, a stoic expression on her face.
"Can you tell me a little about your time on El Diablo? How you came to be there, how you were treated?" the captain asked softly.
Sarah’s face was hard, and she stared at the wall as she answered. "I was knocked unconscious during our rough ride through the anomaly – the ride that killed Lt. Rollins, as you know. When I came to, I was in the brig on El Diablo. I was then…presented to Captain Chakotay, who has a penchant for human females that had been wholly unsatisfied since they wound up in the Delta Quadrant two years ago. He took me as his courtesan, and I became the sole focus of his insatiable sexual cravings. I was not given a choice in the matter." *Draw your own conclusions, Captain Janeway. I’m not about to tell you how enthusiastically I embraced my role,* Sarah thought to herself.
"I’m so sorry, Sarah," Janeway said, her face etched with concern. "That must have been very traumatic."
*Good, that’s exactly what I want you to think.* "I’ll deal with it, Captain. I’m a Starfleet officer. We all know the risks of our chosen profession. I just want to put this behind me and move on," Sarah stated flatly, glancing briefly into Janeway’s eyes before she returned her gaze to the wall.
"Do you have a friend on board in whom you can confide, to help you work through this? It’s times like this that I would give anything to have a competent counselor," the captain sighed, realizing that Voyager’s de facto counselor, Commander Chakotay, was probably the last person she would want to talk to.
"I’ll deal with it, Captain," Sarah repeated, perhaps a little too forcefully.
*She sounds just like me,* Janeway noted with frustration. "Very well. Take a few days off. When you feel up to it, submit a report on your time in the mirror universe. Your input will be invaluable. Starfleet really has very little information about it." Janeway patted her shoulder, then turned and left the room.
/*\
Sarah lay on her back, staring up at the featureless ceiling. A maelstrom of emotions swirled through her head, hindering sleep and even rest. Guilt, depression, relief, despair, anger, frustration, regret…but arching over it all was desire. She missed Chako, plain and simple. She longed to feel him in her, and on her, his hands warming her skin wherever he touched her, his lips burning a path from her mouth all the way down to her throbbing pearl. She was addicted to him, and withdrawal was hell.
Voyager had managed to find its way back to its own universe. Intellectually, she knew she was in the right place. She didn’t belong in the mirror universe; her life there would be short and come to a bad end, she was sure. "Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse" popped into her mind. But she no longer felt like she belonged on Voyager and its universe, either. She was stranded between two worlds, suffering from an unquenched thirst that only seemed to grow stronger with the passing of time.
She returned to work in a few days and she managed to competently perform her duties, but her heart was not in it. That much was clear to everyone around her. While she didn’t entirely withdraw from her friends and colleagues, they all noticed a distance to her.
Worst of all was when she inadvertently crossed paths with Commander Chakotay. Although she went to great lengths to prevent it, on a ship the size of Voyager it was nearly unavoidable. Hibernating in her quarters was not an option. He would look at her apologetically – whether the apology was for intruding on her bubble of isolation or for the sins of his counterpart, neither of them were quite sure – and she would spin on her heel and scurry off like a frightened rabbit.
/*\
Captain Janeway summoned Commander Chakotay to her ready room. At the chime, she called to admit him, and he strode into the room.
"Yes, Captain, what can I do for you?" he asked in his soft voice, a small smile playing on his lips.
She gestured toward the couch, and moved to meet him there. "Can I get you something to drink, Commander?"
"Nothing for me, thanks." He sat near the corner between two sections, and the captain joined him a few feet away, sitting obliquely, one arm and side resting against the back and her feet tucked up behind her. Not a posture for discussing warp core efficiency or food stores. Chakotay looked at her expectantly.
"I want to talk about Lt. Stanton," she stated plainly. A shadow of pain crossed Chakotay’s face. "Lt. Graves says she doesn’t seem to be making any progress; she moves around the science lab like a zombie."
"It’s only been three weeks, Kathryn. She needs time to heal," Chakotay argued.
"My gut feeling is that she’s stuck in denial. People who stay in denial don’t heal, Chakotay. They fester until it all blows up," she countered.
*Pretty ironic coming from you, Cleopatra, Queen of Denial,* he thought, but kept it to himself. "What do you suggest we do? Or were you hoping Voyager’s unofficial counselor would have some ideas?"
"Any and all suggestions will be entertained. But I did have a thought," she confided.
"That being?" he queried, shifting toward her slightly, knitting his brow.
"A little shock therapy of sorts. Confronting the problem head on," she replied, her face grim.
Chakotay regarded her with puzzled interest. "And how exactly would we go about doing that?"
"I was thinking of a little chat, with her, myself – and you," she answered.
His eyes went wide. "Do you think that’s wise? Or productive? She runs from me like a wounded animal. Why would we want to inflict that kind of pain on her?" Chakotay was very skeptical of this approach.
"That’s my point, Chakotay. You aren’t the enemy – if she can’t even face you, she’s not getting anywhere. It may be painful for her, but that’s what getting out of denial is all about. She has to face the pain so she can recover. Sometimes you have to feel worse before you can feel better. Am I making any sense?" Janeway implored.
Chakotay sat back and rubbed his temple, pondering her plan. He shrugged. "You may be right. But we can’t order her to do this. She has to agree to it, or I’m not doing it," he said emphatically.
"Agreed. I’ll talk to her and try to set it up."
Chakotay stood and shook his head. "I hope we’re doing the right thing, Kathryn."
"I think we are." She rose and followed him out the door to the bridge. She continued on to the turbo lift enroute to the science lab to talk to Lt. Stanton face to face.
/*\
Some twenty minutes later she reappeared on the bridge and motioned Commander Chakotay back into the ready room. He followed her, very curious to hear how her conversation with Stanton had gone.
"Well, Commander, an unexpected development," she said with some bemusement.
He frowned. "And that would be?"
"She finally agrees she needs to talk about this. But she doesn’t want me to be there. She only wants to talk to you," she related, leaning back against her desk.
"Hmm," Chakotay grunted, his face reflecting dubiousness. "That IS an unexpected development. That’s the last thing I would expect her to want to do."
"She said she feels really badly about the way she’s been treating you like a pariah. She wants to clear the air and face her demons," Janeway explained. "She gets off in 15 minutes. Give her a little time to get back to her quarters, then call her to set up a time. She didn’t want you to contact her while she’s still in the science lab, with others around."
He shrugged. "OK. Looks like your plan may work. Wish me luck."
/*\
"Chakotay to Stanton," Chakotay called from his office, a bit nervously.
"Yes, Commander," answered a cool clear voice. He wondered why she didn’t sound nervous.
"I’d like to schedule our chat. I’m free the rest of this evening, so whenever you are ready would be fine," he said, trying to keep his voice light.
"How would 1930 hours be, sir?" she replied.
"That would be fine. I’ll see you in my office at 1930 hours," he noted.
"Uh…Commander, if you don’t mind, I think I would really be more comfortable meeting in a less formal setting. Perhaps my quarters…or yours."
Did her voice sound…husky? A small alarm went off in the back of Chakotay’s mind; he ignored it. His quarters had much more space than hers, and a separate living area. He did not frequently have meetings there, but he did from time to time. "Alright…I believe mine would probably be more suitable. If that works for you, I’ll see you there at 1930 hours."
"That would be just fine, Commander."
"Chakotay out."
/*\
His chime sounded promptly at 1930 hours, and Chakotay went to greet Lt. Stanton at the door. Their eyes met momentarily before she proceeded into the room, and he was a bit taken aback by the look he saw there. It was almost…predatory. His mind flashed back to the self-assured sex goddess dressed in tight black leather that he had seen standing on El Diablo’s bridge, and an unbidden urge shot down through his groin. *Get your mind on business, Chakotay. She’s hurting. You CANNOT think of her that way,* he told himself.
"Come in and make yourself comfortable," Chakotay said with a welcoming gesture.
She strolled in and confidently seated herself on the couch. The scared rabbit was nowhere to be seen. Chakotay offered her something to drink, which she declined, then sat in a comfortable chair opposite her.
She looked at him somewhat coyly. "Would we say that this is an official counseling session? I understand it’s not necessary to request permission to speak freely in counseling."
"We can treat it however you like. You have my permission to speak freely – I could hardly expect you to unburden yourself if you didn’t," he said sympathetically. "At any rate, it’s off the record. Nothing you say leaves this room. I just want to do whatever I can to help you put your ordeal behind you."
"Good. In that case I’ll dispense with all the bullshit and cut right to the chase. First and foremost, I’d like to disabuse you of any notion that I’ve been running from you because seeing you causes me pain – at least, not the kind of pain you think." She pulled off her boots and folded her legs alongside her, and leaned on the arm of the couch.
"Oh?" Chakotay noted with interest, his curiosity piqued. She certainly was taking him up on the offer to make herself comfortable. "Then why have you been running?"
"I’ll get to that. But I need to start by admitting that I haven’t been completely forthcoming about my time on El Diablo. I didn’t lie, exactly, but I’ve let you, the captain, and the doctor draw some conclusions that aren’t entirely accurate."
She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts, then continued. "Captain Chakotay – or Chako, as he was more often called – was not a particularly nice man. He was ruthless, dangerous, and sometimes cruel. But we don’t always have to like someone to be attracted to them, do we?" She didn’t wait for Chakotay to respond. "For example, many people find Seven-of-Nine’s personality to be very abrasive. They don’t like her. But plenty of men on this ship would gladly overlook her social shortcomings for a chance to get inside her catsuit."
Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her frankness. This conversation was certainly not going the direction he expected.
Sarah took a breath and continued. "In many ways, I didn’t like Chako. But I was tremendously attracted to him sexually – a damn good thing, considering the position I found myself in. No pun intended. I didn’t lie to the captain, or in my report, when I said that I had no choice in becoming his whore." Chakotay flinched at the raw language. "What I omitted was that I embraced my role with little or no hesitation. I believed that the mirror universe was a dangerous place, and I probably wouldn’t survive without a protector. So I did submit to him partly out of a sense of self preservation, but the truth is I wanted him as much as he wanted me."
She paused, and Chakotay opened his mouth as if to speak. She held up her hand. "Wait. There’s a lot more I want to say first."
"Alright," he agreed, thankful that she didn’t want him to speak, since he had no idea at that moment what to say to her.
"I want you to know exactly what my life on El Diablo was like. I think you need the whole picture in order to understand why I’m in the place I am now – if it’s at all possible to understand, which it probably isn’t."
She stood up and began to pace around the room. She couldn’t say all of this while looking him in the face. "Chako had the strongest sex drive of anyone I’ve ever known, or even heard of. It was almost like he was on a steady diet of aphrodisiacs – he was voracious. The first few days I was on board, he had me 7 or 8 times each day. I won’t say "made love to me" because love had nothing to do with it. Oh, I think he soon thought he was in love with me, but he didn’t know what love was. To him I was a possession, and a recreational activity."
She halted for a moment, then went on. "After that, the frequency dropped off to "only" 4 or 5 times a day, on average. He took me every way and any way – against the wall, in a chair, on his desk in his ready room, in the shower, from behind…and of course, in bed. Every position you can think of, and undoubtedly a few that never occurred to you."
Her voice was getting breathier now, and she had moved directly behind Chakotay’s chair. He dared not turn around to look her in the eye. He was finding it beyond impossible not to become aroused by everything she was telling him; in his mind he could see her naked body, writhing in a bed, breasts heaving as he took her, just as his mirror had, over and over.
Then she resumed her graphic description, and as she did so she put her hands on the back of his chair and bent down, almost whispering in his ear, her breath hot against his neck, and he suddenly realized with perfect clarity that this was no counseling session – it was a seduction. He knew that he had to stop her, that this could not go on, but he found himself paralyzed by her captivating voice and the erotic pictures she was painting in his mind.
"He made me sleep naked," she was saying, "he said he wanted me accessible to him if he needed me during the night. He wasn’t an entirely selfish lover; he told me after the first time he made me come that no other species screamed during climax like humans, and that he wanted to hear that sound a lot…and he did. Gods know he did. Sometimes he would tie me to the bed and use his mouth on me until I screamed my head off…once he tied me to a chair and brought me off with the barrel of his disruptor. I was hoping to god he had removed the power cell."
She took another deep breath. "A few times he blindfolded me – that was powerful, never knowing which erogenous zone he was going for next, every nerve in my body stretching outward to sense his warmth before he actually touched me. In the mornings he liked me to take him in the shower. He loved the way the water cascaded over me while he watched his cock moving in and out of my mouth."
Chakotay screamed to himself that this was wrong, he had to put an end to it. His whole body was becoming as stiff as his cock, and it seemed as if he was powerless to move, or even speak.
Sarah talked on. "I don’t know what happens to other people when they get that much sex, but I’ll tell you what happened to me. I became addicted – it’s like a drug, you know, all those endorphins careening around your body. After two weeks on a constant high, coming back to Voyager was like being in withdrawal. I know coming back was the right thing; I’m really not cut out to be a murderous pirate. But the adjustment has been bloody hell, Commander."
Chakotay could hear the sound of a zipper and the rustle of clothing behind him. Still he remained mute, frozen in his seat, staring straight ahead.
Her seductive tone intensified. "So to answer your question: I’ve been running from you because every time I see your face, every time I hear your voice, I’m like Pavlov’s dog – except it’s not my mouth that’s salivating."
She was back down at his level again, moving slowly around the chair, and as she came into view he could see that she wore nothing but a red lace push-up bra and matching panties. She had let down her long brown hair. Her full breasts strained against their lacy bonds, and he had a strong urge to run his tongue along her deep cleavage. He broke out into a sweat. She faced him now, locking eyes with him with burning gaze that seared right through him. She knelt in front of him and placed her hands on his knees, then ever so slowly began sliding them up his legs, her thumbs tickling his inner thighs.
She eyed his obvious erection. "So, Commander, how do you feel now?" she asked, giving him no chance to answer. "Like you might spontaneously combust? That’s how I’ve been feeling every minute of the last three weeks." She leaned forward as her hands continued their inexorable journey. "You said you wanted to do whatever you could to help me. Well, I’m a junkie. I need a fix. It’s your choice, Commander – throw me in the brig…or throw me in your bed," she said almost arrogantly, issuing a challenge.
Chakotay’s strong hands intercepted hers just before she reached his straining bulge. He grabbed her wrists, and pulled her with him to a standing position. He intended to push her away, put an end to this, but whatever reserves he had left to restrain himself were instantly depleted when he looked down into her face. The arrogance and pure feral lust he had seen there just seconds before was now tempered with a softness – a pleading, a vulnerability, a raw need. Her silent entreaty trapped him like quicksand, and he sank into her against his will. He embraced her, hard, and his mouth plunged onto and into hers, as he began to pour all his built-up tension into her.
She moaned and panted, grasping at his uniform, trying to free him from the confines of his clothing. He swept her up and carried her to his bed, as she murmured breathlessly, "Take me, Chakotay, please take me, oh gods I need you so much…"
He quickly stripped off his clothing and lay his bronze body next to her. Wasting no time, he divested her of her bra and panties. He was like a man possessed, and what he wanted to possess was her. All thoughts of his usual considerate she-should-always-come-first foreplay went out the airlock as she grabbed his rock-hard cock, opened her legs wide and hissed, "Now, now, please, I need you inside me now." He thrust into her hard, sudden, needy, immersing himself in her, as if he were trying to bury his whole body inside her saturated heat.
"Yesss, yesss, Chakotay!" she was screaming, as he pounded into her, harder and harder, until they both went over the edge with great shuddering climaxes and she wailed like a banshee.
She whimpered as she floated down, kissing him all over his face and murmuring, "Thank you, thank you, thank you…"
As the sweetness of the afterglow dispelled, Chakotay’s acute sense of guilt grew. He rolled off of her, onto his back, and put his forearm over his face. Why the hell was he always such a sucker for aggressive women? It seemed he never made the first move. Riley Frasier, Valerie Archer, Seska. Even the mysterious alien who only seemed to exist in his handwritten memoirs. Sarah Stanton, though, was in a league by herself. He’d never been prey to such audacious machinations before. Still, he was the senior officer here, he knew better, he could have stopped it. He should have stopped it.
"I’m sorry, Lieutenant, I’m so sorry, this was wrong, I had no right to…" he started.
She interrupted him, putting a finger over his lip. "Sarah. It’s customary to call someone you’re in bed with by first name." She propped herself up on her elbow and gazed down at him. "I’m sorry if you feel guilty. I don’t care if it’s wrong. I needed you like a man dying of thirst needs water. You helped me. And it wasn’t you who didn’t have the right – it was me. I knew what I was doing. You had no idea."
"Is pointing out that I allowed myself to be manipulated by you supposed to make me feel better?" Chakotay asked, almost angry. He saw her face fall, stung by his harsh tone, and immediately he regretted the words. "I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to lash out at you. I’m annoyed with myself for not having more restraint."
Sarah sat up and hung her head in despair. "No, I’m the one who’s sorry," she said sadly. "I was only thinking of myself. I used you to get what I needed. I didn’t realize you would take it so hard." Tears began to slide down her face, and she started to get up from the bed. "I won’t bother you again, Commander."
The tears were his undoing. Chakotay grasped her arm and gently pulled her back down until she lay on her back. "Shhhh, shhhhh," he comforted. "Chakotay. It’s customary to call someone you’re in bed with by first name," he said with a sympathetic smile. He stroked her face with his hand, drying her tears with his thumb. "If you really need me this much, we’ll try to figure this out."
He lay down and pulled her close to snuggle against him, kissing the top of her head and running his fingers through her hair. It had been a long time since he had lain with a woman, and guilt notwithstanding, it felt wonderful. He thought about the comment Janeway had made a long time ago when he apologized for helping Riley Frasier’s ex-Borg collective, ultimately countermanding the captain’s orders and his own will. "Helping people – it’s part of who you are," she had said. He wondered if she would be so forgiving of "help" in the form of sex. He wondered if HE could be so forgiving of help in the form of sex.
They lay that way, silent, for at least 10 minutes. Chakotay thought Sarah had gone to sleep, but she stirred a bit and her arm around his chest tightened. They had to talk about this.
"Sarah?" he said quietly.
"Yes, Chakotay?" she murmured, her hand beginning to draw lazy circles on his chest.
"Tell me something. You came here intending to seduce me tonight, didn’t you? It didn’t "just happen," did it?" he asked, still stroking her hair.
She sighed. "No, it didn’t "just happen." I knew I would throw myself at you. I didn’t know how you would react, but I just felt driven to do it."
"And what did you envision happening next, assuming your seduction was successful?" he inquired gently.
She was quiet for a minute. "I don’t know. I didn’t really think it through. I don’t expect us to have a conventional relationship, if that’s what you’re wondering about. I guess maybe…I just thought I would come to you for sex when the tension got too overwhelming. When I need a "fix" for my addiction."
Chakotay considered her answer for a while. "You know, you don’t cure an addiction by giving a junkie a fix when he needs one."
"Maybe not," she replied. "But cold turkey didn’t work. I’ve been miserable; I’ve felt like I’m about to come out of my skin." She started pressing soft kisses to his chest.
He tried not to think about the way her lips felt on his hot bare skin. "Don’t you think that’s more than just the lack of sex? What about the trauma of being a hostage? Guilt and shame for your actions? Being ripped away from Chako without even saying goodbye? You said you didn’t like him, but you also said you submitted willingly. It’s hard to imagine having sex with someone half a dozen times a day without developing some sort of attachment."
She lifted her head and looked at him almost with fright, as if he had just laid bare a terrible secret. She sat up and turned away from him, putting her face in her hand. "You’re too damned perceptive, Chakotay." She paused, then her voice dropped to nearly a whisper, and he had to strain to hear her. "I do miss him. It’s the sex, but it’s more than that. I don’t understand." She shook her head. "There’s more, too. More I didn’t tell you."
"Tell me now," he urged sensitively, rubbing her back rhythmically. "Confession is good for the soul."
She hung her head and stared at her hands. "When I was on their bridge…I was one of them. When we raided ships and colonies, I was a part of it. I didn’t really do anything but stand there trying to look intimidating, but I was a part of it. I was a party to murder." She turned to look at Chakotay, and he could easily read the anguish in her eyes. "I was a different person over there, Chakotay. I took all that was moral and right and pushed it into a locked corner of my mind." She was starting to cry. "Now I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t belong there, I don’t belong here. I can’t unlock the person I used to be." She was crying harder now.
Chakotay sat up and pulled her into his lap, enveloping her in his comforting embrace. "Go ahead and cry it out, Sarah. You’ll feel better. This is what you need," he reassured her. As she sobbed in his arms, he felt an overwhelming affection for her; he wanted to protect her, take care of her, help her, comfort her – make love to her.
Damn. Until three weeks ago, he’d never given Sarah Stanton a second thought, not on a personal level. Then after seeing the sexy bombshell on the bridge of El Diablo, she had started creeping into his fantasies. Now, after a very intense hour with her, she was working her way into his heart. How did that happen?
But that was the way it was with him and women. He didn’t fall often, but when he fell, he fell fast, and he fell hard. And he often leaped without looking. It was his nature.
Sarah’s sobbing was abating. She took her head off his chest, pulling back just until she could see his face. She searched his eyes, the scared look on her face replaced with a smile when she saw his reassurance. Somehow she knew that his talk earlier about all this being wrong was now shot to hell.
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, their lips moved closer and closer until they touched, tenderly, delicately at first, then the flames grew and they passionately devoured each other. Sarah climbed out of his lap and rose up on her knees, pushing Chakotay backward until he sprawled on his back, she falling on top of him. Deliberately and hungrily, she nibbled and licked him all over his face, neck, ears, and chest. As she moved down toward his belly, she splayed her hands on his chest, thumbs teasing his little erect male nipples. He groaned in pleasure; no one had ever thought to do that to him before, and the sensation took him by surprise.
She licked a circle around his navel, then followed the sparse line of wiry black hair straight down until it became thicker and curlier. She nuzzled this patch with her nose, and then she arrived at the prize – his steel-hard rod, standing alert, awaiting her attentions. First looking back at his face to be sure he was watching, she licked her lips thoroughly, then commenced flicking her tongue around the tip, paying special attention to the tiny membrane underneath, just below the tip. Gripping the base of his penis, she pulled downward to stretch the skin taut, then with a dreamy look on her face she began to take him into her mouth.
She looked up at him as she did this, and his half-closed obsidian eyes were riveted on her, his face contorted with arousal, and he was moaning loudly. In and out she took him, as much as she could, sucking him like a little Hoover, tightening her hand around his base, until he began gulping air.
"Look…out…" he managed to gasp, and she could feel his release, and the hot fluid shot down her throat. She took every drop, then gently removed her hand and mouth, giving the now half-erect penis a sweet goodbye kiss. She quietly lay her head on his belly, her hands just above her head. Chakotay’s hands moved down, and caressed her hair, lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb.
/*\
Surprising even himself, Chakotay asked Sarah to stay the night. Several times through the night, he made love to her tenderly, reverently, worshipping her body.
He awoke her early, to send her back to her quarters before Alpha shift would be prowling the corridors. She gave him a lingering kiss at the door.
"Thank you for indulging me, Chakotay. I can’t imagine more effective counseling than you gave me. I feel much better," she teased.
"You’re welcome. I just hope you aren’t passing your addiction on to me," he said jokingly, inwardly taking the comment more seriously.
"Would that be so bad?" she said as she walked out the door, a flicker of that predatory look in her eyes.
He sighed heavily. He was in deep trouble.