By: Tessa
Rated: NC-17 (for non-consensual and consensual sex; some bad language). This story is for adults only!
Disclaimer: Paramount & Viacom own the characters. I just make their lives more interesting.
Spoiler Alert: This story contains spoilers for "Repression" from season 7.
Summary: This is an episode addition/variation on "Repression". In this version, the mutiny lasts overnight instead of just a few hours. That gives Chakotay time to take care of some "unfinished business" with Captain Janeway. Inspired in part by my interpretation of the look on Chakotay’s face when he takes Janeway’s arm to take her to the brig in that episode.
Don’t read this if you can’t stand the idea of Chakotay being the bad guy for a while, even if it’s not his fault. This story bears some resemblance to my story "Best Case Scenario", but is much darker.
*****************
Captain Janeway sat in the corner of the brig; her feet on the bench, elbows on knees, holding her face in her hands. She had never felt so utterly and completely alone. Vastly more alone than on that day three years earlier when Voyager had encountered the Borg for the first time. "Then I really am alone," she had told Chakotay when he disagreed with her radical and risky plan to ally them with the Borg. But she wasn’t, not really. He had still been there, behind her, trying to share her burden, silently giving her the strength she needed to see it through. She hadn’t realized until now just how essential he was to her.
But now when she needed them more than ever, Chakotay, her best friend, and Tuvok, her oldest friend in Starfleet, were both lost to her. It would almost be easier to see them die in an alien attack than to have them there in front of her, turned against her, the instruments of her downfall. She could only survive this by clinging fervently to the belief that eventually they WOULD throw off the control that Teero was exerting on them – they had to.
She thought back to the expression on Chakotay’s face when he had captured her in the corridor and led her into the brig. A hint of a cruel smile tinged with lust – a look that sent ice shooting through her veins. The look she had seen on the Cardassian prison guard’s face years ago that said "You and I will have a little ‘fun’ later." She could not afford to put Chakotay and the depraved Cardassian into the same thought together; imagining that Chakotay could be capable of such an atrocity would rob her of all hope. So she pushed it out of her mind.
The irony of this predicament was palpable. She had faced and survived the worst the Delta Quadrant had to offer – the Borg, the Hirogen, the Kazon – and now she was stymied by a single individual 35,000 light years away, who was using as his tool the least malleable person she had ever known. It was easy to imagine Chakotay manipulated in this way – he had a track record. Riley Frasier and her ex-Borg collective, the Vori, just to name a few. But Tuvok? He had the most disciplined, controlled, and sophisticated mind of anyone she’d ever encountered. *Please, Tuvok,* she pleaded as if praying to the spirits, *you have to win. You have to regain control.*
Her ponderings were interrupted by the sound of a comm transmission. It sounded like Chakotay, giving some sort of instructions to the brig guard. "…Janeway… transport… immediately." She could only make out a few words. She was startled when the force field was suddenly dropped and the guard covered her with a phaser.
"What’s going on…" Before she could even finish her sentence, the tingle of the transporter beam enveloped her and she shimmered away.
When she regained her bearings after rematerializing, she realized she was in her quarters.
"Hello, Kathryn." Janeway turned to see Chakotay leaning against the dining table, which had been set for two. "I thought you might like to join me for your last dinner on Voyager."
"So, tomorrow you shove me out an airlock?" she said caustically.
"You know I’m not that barbarous, Kathryn. Tomorrow you and the rest of your people will be resettled on a nice M-class planet."
"I don’t know what you are anymore. You aren’t Chakotay. Chakotay was my best friend, and one of the kindest people I have ever known. He would never have been so cruel as to have my oldest comrade shoot at me point blank with a phaser supposedly set to kill."
"I learned in the Maquis that you do what you have to. It worked, didn’t it? Now I know I can trust Tuvok. And you’re not harmed."
"Not all scars are visible," snapped Janeway, immediately regretting the words. Why should she give him the satisfaction of seeing her pain and weakness? Then again, maybe staying in her usual refuse-to-be-broken mode was the wrong approach in this situation. She had almost gotten through to Tuvok. Was there any hope that she could get past Teero and appeal to Chakotay, whose true personality must still be there, suppressed by the mind control? Chakotay was much more susceptible to such things, that was true, but the bond she shared with him was much closer – nearly intimate – than the one with Tuvok.
At that point, she realized with a start what Chakotay was wearing: one of the shirts he had frequently worn on New Earth. In fact, it was the one he had been wearing when he had told her the story of the angry warrior – the closest he had ever come to spelling out how much she meant to him. Another cruel irony, to be reminded of one of the happiest times in her life on this, one of the worst days of her life. *You son of a bitch,* she thought, *you did that on purpose.*
Her ruminations were interrupted by Chakotay discussing dinner. "So what would you like to have? I have replicator rations to spare now that we’ll be having a much smaller crew."
"I’m really not very hungry," she said flatly. She then noticed his expression – a lustful smirk, the same one she had seen when he led her to the brig. *Oh gods, please no…*
Chakotay slowly closed the distance between them. "Well in that case, we can just skip straight to dessert," he said in a husky growl. He reached to embrace her. Janeway swung her hand to slap him, but he caught it mid-swing, and pushing against it and her opposite shoulder, he shoved her hard against the wall. He grabbed her other hand and pinned both above her head.
"I don’t think you understand, Kathryn. You don’t have a choice here." Chakotay’s eyes were cold.
"Do YOU? Or is this one of Teero’s "instructions"? The Chakotay I know would rather die than do this to any woman." Janeway fought to keep her voice steady and her fear under control. Her eyes blazed.
"You aren’t just any woman. You are the woman I loved and wanted for more than six years, and you have relentlessly pushed me away whenever I got too close. I will take what should have been mine years ago. The waiting is over. Yes, Teero gave me instructions – but he didn’t need to. I know what I want." He held both her wrists in one of his hands and moved the other to unzip her uniform jacket. He caressed her face and kissed her cheeks and neck as she rolled her head to avoid him.
"Where shall we do this, Kathryn?" He whispered seductively. "Shall I take you right now against this bulkhead? On the dining table? Maybe the desk in the ready room. In my mind I’ve had you against every surface in this ship, on every planet we’ve seen on this journey, and on some we haven’t. What about your fantasies, Kathryn? What’s your favorite place for our first time?"
"Don’t do this, Chakotay," Janeway pleaded. "I KNOW you, and when you finally throw Teero out of your head – and sooner or later you will – this will cause you more pain than you can imagine. When you realize what you have done to the woman you love, you will want to die."
She believed it, too. While Chakotay had been led by circumstance to commit great violence in his life – he had killed numerous Cardassian soldiers, sometimes with his bare hands – at heart he was a gentle, peaceful man. Why, he had been the one that prevented her from completing the most brutal act she had ever attempted – the near murder of Noah Lessing during the unfortunate episode with the Equinox.
"Not LOVE, Kathryn, LOVED. Past tense. It’s too late. I don’t love you anymore, not since Teero has shown me who I am. But we have this unfinished business between us. I WILL have you, Kathryn, one way or another." He shifted her hands down behind her back and peeled her jacket partly off, tangling her arms in it so he could more easily control both arms with one hand. With his other hand, he reached up and tugged down on the back of her hair, forcing her face upward, and he tried to kiss her. When she kept her lips tightly closed, he relented and resumed placing light kisses all around her face, and nipping at her neck and ears.
Janeway was torn. Her instincts told her to come out fighting whenever she was backed into a corner. The thought of a man forcing himself upon her, or any woman, filled her with revulsion. It wasn’t even so much that she placed such a high value on the sanctity of her own body – her Starfleet command training had helped her accept that being violated was an occupational hazard of female officers, and they had tried to psychologically prepare her – but more that it was against all the rules of civilized society. She hated when people didn’t play by such basic rules.
But if she tried to resist Chakotay, what were the likely consequences? Physical injury, for one, primarily to her. They had had similar training in martial arts, but he was twice her weight and had been a wrestling champion at the Academy. She was no match for him.
More troubling to her, however, was the psychological damage – especially for Chakotay. The more she fought him, the more savage he would probably be, and the more the guilt would overwhelm him when he finally came to his senses. This brutal man pinning her to the wall wasn’t Chakotay, but he was. She loved her Chakotay beyond measure and realized that no matter what happened here, she wanted him back. What course would give her the best chance at that?
An absurd thought popped into Janeway’s head. She could see Chakotay on New Earth, trying to encourage her to let go of her obsession of finding a cure for their virus so they could leave the planet. "Take what life has dealt us and find the good in it," she heard him say. *The good in it. Well, I guess the good in this is I no longer have to fight the overwhelming attraction I have felt for this man for all these years,* she thought bitterly. But was that because the attraction wasn't there to fight against – or because she could now give into it? She couldn’t even answer herself -- somehow it seemed that both answers were right, but how could that be?
But her path was becoming more clear. She would not resist him. She would simply endure.
"Have you decided where, my dear Kathryn, or are you leaving that to me?"
"Your quarters." Once this mutiny was all over, Janeway was damned if she was going to relive the nightmare every time she walked into her own room.
He laughed. "These ARE my quarters."
"The first officer’s quarters," she clipped out tersely.
"As you wish." He twisted her jacket to tighten his hold on her arms, and led her that way down the corridor to the next suite. Janeway felt like she was being led to her execution.
They entered. "Initiate privacy lock, authorization Chakotay 3-Beta." He guided her into the dark bedroom. "Computer, lights, 25 percent."
Janeway closed her eyes for a moment. Somehow it seemed like it would be easier in the dark. Less personal. "Chakotay, I want the lights off."
"No, Kathryn, I want to see you. You are a beautiful woman. The most beautiful I have ever known."
The unexpected compliment and the softness of his voice took her by surprise. Maybe some of her Chakotay was there. Maybe if she really responded to him, instead of simply acquiescing, she could draw even more of him out. At the very least, maybe she could make it easier on herself by pretending it wasn’t all bad; she could take from him like he was taking from her, use him for sex. After all, just this morning – only hours before all this happened – she had indulged in an erotic fantasy about him. She had had erotic fantasies about him nearly every day since he came on board her ship over six years ago. What was the difference that she’d never had this particular one?
*Oh gods, how can you think that way. What a slut,* she cringed.
Chakotay turned her to face him. He pulled her jacket the rest of the way off, then unzipped her turtleneck. He tugged the bottom of the turtleneck and tank out of her pants and roughly pulled them over her head. He was beginning to breathe more heavily, and his dark eyes seemed even darker with unrestrained lust as he unfastened her pants and started to jerk them down. Janeway swallowed hard, then reached to place her hands on Chakotay’s forearms.
*Find the good in it.* "Please," she said quietly. "Chakotay. Don’t let Teero rape me. Make love to me. Make love to me like you wanted to on New Earth. Not like this. Not with violence. Please." She reached out tentatively to stroke his face with her trembling hand.
He eyed her quizzically, as if trying to decide if this was some trick, then his expression softened and he took her hand and kissed it gently. He pulled her into his arms and lowered his head to kiss her, searching across her face for a moment with eyes that seemed more sad than anything else. He brushed her lips, then slid his tongue into her moist mouth and deepened the kiss.
*I am finally kissing the man I love, but he is not the man I love.* The paradox was killing her. The kiss was everything she had imagined in her fantasies; soft, wet, gentle, tender, perfect…and a perfect nightmare. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong circumstances. Her mouth was responding to the kiss, but her body was as taut as a stretched bowstring. *How will I get through this…*
Chakotay broke the kiss and resumed disrobing her, more gently now. He pulled her pants to her knees, sat her on the bed, then removed her boots and tugged the pants the rest of the way off.
He looked at her almost dispassionately. "Now undress me." He said it without a trace of provocation; he was not smirking or leering as before.
"What?" she said, startled.
"Undress me. It’s what you would do – if we were making love. Isn’t it?" He cocked his eyebrow at her in question.
She stood up. She unhooked his belt and tossed it aside, then pulled his shirt over his head. Her nervous fingers unfastened his trousers only with difficulty. She stepped to the side to ease them down his legs and off his bare feet, so as not to put her face directly in front of his burgeoning erection, scarcely disguised by his black briefs.
He hooked his finger under her chin and guided her back up to him, then eased her onto the bed, on her back. He moved over her and kissed her face, her neck, her hair, the tops of her shoulders, around her collar bone; he licked and nipped and flicked over all her exposed skin.
Janeway was still tensed, still fighting with the paradox, wanting to make love with her Chakotay and not wanting to be violated by this Chakotay. She lay passively while he worked her over with his tongue and lips.
Then he unclasped the front closure on her bra, and drew the lacy material away from her breasts. He looked at her, the heat rising in his eyes; he cupped one breast fully, then leaned to take the nipple into his mouth. He sucked and lapped at it greedily. Janeway’s center began to pulsate reflexively, her breathing quickened and her hips began to undulate, unbidden. His mouth moved to repeat the stimulation with her other breast, while his hand stayed behind to gently twist and pinch the erect nub of the first.
Still attending her breast with his mouth, Chakotay reached down and tugged off her panties. He stopped for a moment and gathered her hands, moving them above her head and trapping them both with one of his large strong hands. His tongue and lips returned to tease her breasts, alternating, and his other hand stroked up and down her torso and over her hips, dipping closer and closer to her curly triangle. He threw one of his legs in between hers and used it to work her legs further and further apart, opening her to him. She began to struggle against him, resisting the total control he was now exerting on her, but her efforts were futile.
Chakotay’s hand trailed again down her body, across her hip, down her inner thigh, then at last to the source of her wet heat. Her body jerked and she gasped. He swirled his fingers down into her moisture, spreading it around her sex, and skillfully began kneading the focus of her pleasure. He slipped one, then two fingers inside her, while continuing to massage her sensitive spot with his thumb.
Janeway was rapidly becoming lost in passion. She pushed her trapped hands against Chakotay’s grip and noticed that her exertion seemed to intensify her sensations below. It was as if her efforts were winding the spring that would provide the power to her inevitable release. She also realized, with a note of mortification, that she was struggling to open her legs even wider to Chakotay’s invasion – the more she opened to him, the more intense her arousal. She had never felt so wanton in her life. *Find the good in it, oh gods …*
She started panting heavily and writhing wildly, then with a scream the tightly wound spring snapped – the electricity shot through her body and pulsed through her, again, and again, and again. Aftershocks continued to jolt through her for what seemed like forever. She couldn’t remember ever having such a powerful release. Minutes passed before her breathing became regular again.
Janeway looked at Chakotay with heavy-lidded eyes. He smiled at her, dimples showing; she could pretend he was her Chakotay. He rolled on his back and pulled off his briefs, then rolled back, rose up on his knees and pushed her thighs apart to move between them. Janeway had never seen him naked, much less erect, and she found him impressive. Her breath caught at the sight of him – or was it because of the magnitude of this moment. She wanted him, and she didn’t.
He loomed above her, his obsidian eyes piercing her, then he guided his hard cock to her slick opening. Six years is a long time, and he considerately gave her body time to adjust to the considerable size of him. Slowly he thrust part way in, then retreated, repeating the movement over and over, penetrating a little further each time as her body stretched to let him fill her.
He groaned his pleasure. "Ahhh, so tight, so hot…gods, Kathryn, you could make me forget my own name."
*I don’t doubt it,* she thought acerbically. *Teero already made you forget everything else.*
"I don’t want you to forget your name," she said, her body meeting his thrusts of its own accord. "I want you to remember yourself, who you really are, not who Teero has turned you into. I need you, Chakotay. Please come back." She desperately hoped she could reach him.
"Don’t ruin it, Kathryn," he said, giving her a warning look and covering her mouth with a passionate kiss to shut her up. With most of his weight on his elbows, his hands were free to grasp hers and hold them down. As she pushed against him, the tension in her loins multiplied and her arousal grew. The spring was being wound again. He increased his rhythm, pounding insistently into her, feeding his need and hers, until at last she screamed again and her body gripped his intruding cock and squeezed it, pulsating, until he could hold back no more and he exploded into her.
He pulled her tightly to him and rolled until she was above him, still joined to him, and then he collapsed in relaxation, his heart still pounding and his breath ragged.
After a while, she slid off of him onto her side, and he spooned behind her with his arm looped around her. His breathing became more regular. She felt physically and emotionally drained, unable to process her schizophrenic reaction to Chakotay’s lovemaking/assault. For the first time since she had been transported from the brig, Janeway turned her attention to how she might be able to get out of her predicament and regain control of her ship.
It was better than wallowing in thoughts of what had just happened.
It was better than admitting to herself that, in a perverse way, she had liked it. Not just the sex. Being powerless. Being controlled by him. She couldn’t think about that.
So she began to scheme. Once Chakotay was deeply asleep, perhaps she could slip away from him, incapacitate him somehow, or at least get out of his quarters.
Chakotay shifted. "Computer, lights at 5 percent. Erect a level 5 force field around this bed, at a distance of one meter. Authorization Chakotay 3-Beta." The force field buzzed into place. He stroked his hand lightly down her arm. "Don’t get any ideas, Kathryn. I’m a very light sleeper. If I weren’t I would send you back to the brig right now."
*Damn,* thought Janeway. *He always could read my mind.*
/*\
Early the next morning, Chakotay arose and regarded Janeway seemingly without emotion. He released the force field and permitted her to shower before sending her back to the brig, again using a site-to-site transport, to minimize her chances of escape, she supposed.
She returned to her corner of the brig, still bereft of any ideas to retake her ship, despite having spent a mostly sleepless night mulling it over. Without Chakotay’s quiet strength backing her up, she was finding it very hard to keep her hopes up. Everything depended on Tuvok regaining control of himself.
A few hours went by with little to pass the time but a small breakfast – at least there was coffee. Then suddenly, to her great surprise, Janeway saw Tuvok striding into the brig, a phaser rifle pointed at the guard.
"Your weapon," he addressed the guard, who handed over his phaser with great consternation. Tom Paris arrived just behind Tuvok, and he punched a command into the guard console. The force field disappeared with a snap.
"We thought you might like to have your ship back, Captain." Paris grinned.
"No more rebellion, Tuvok?" She said with some irritation, eyeing him cautiously.
"I am in control again, Captain. I regret that it took so long. Teero’s hold was not easy to break, but I am confident now that I am free of it, and by using mind melds again I have restored most of the affected crew to their normal personalities. I have only Crewman Jones here --" he gestured at the guard -- "and a few others to process, then I will join you on the bridge."
He looked over Janeway with an expression that she would interpret as concern, if an emotionless Vulcan could be concerned, and he paused for a moment before speaking again. "Captain, are you alright?"
It was a simple question, and quite a natural one considering the circumstances, but he said it so deliberately that she locked eyes with him and thought for a moment before answering. He knew. Of course he knew. He had mind-melded with Chakotay to bring him back, and undoubtedly was aware of everything that had happened last night.
Eyes still locked with his, she mustered the most neutral expression she could and answered dispassionately, "I am fine."
Her thoughts went to Chakotay. What of him? Was he fine? She knew he wasn’t. A chill went through her. "Where is Commander Chakotay? How is he handling this?" She demanded.
"The commander is…" Tuvok trailed off for a moment. "I believe the correct word would be distraught. He is blaming himself for all of his actions, though he was clearly not responsible for most of them. He did request that you not try to discuss this matter with him for a few hours while he ‘deals with it,’ as he put it."
Janeway winced. "Tuvok, while you were under Teero’s control, once the mutiny started – do you remember the things you did?" she asked, hoping against hope that Chakotay would not remember what he had done.
"Indeed I do. And I sincerely regret any of my actions that caused harm or anxiety to you and to anyone else on the crew," Tuvok stated.
"Apology accepted." Janeway sighed. "Well, we have a lot of damage control to prevent any fallout from this unfortunate episode. I’m going straight to the ready room to compose a ship-wide announcement to the crew. I’m sure there is a lot of confusion and rumor-mongering about what went on, and I want to nip any hard feelings in the bud. I’ll see you gentlemen as soon as you have finished your "re-programming" of the crew. We’ll have a meeting of the senior staff in 20 minutes." She strode out of the brig at a fast pace.
Janeway wasted no time as she plopped into the chair behind her desk. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is in Holodeck 1."
A good place to work through some feelings? Or to get himself killed by fighting Klingon warriors with the safeties off? Normally Janeway wouldn’t dream of spying on someone’s private holodeck time, but this could be a life-or-death situation. She had to know he was alright. She punched some instructions onto her computer and the screen displayed Holodeck 1.
A boxing ring. He was boxing. Janeway sighed in relief. He had told her after his experience "boxing" Voyager out of chaotic space that boxing helped him unwind. On the small screen she could see him standing triumphantly over his downed opponent, who was face down on the mat, struggling to get up. *Good. Beat the hell out of some hologram and get it all out,* she thought. But she was still worried. "Computer, notify me when Commander Chakotay leaves Holodeck 1."
She turned her attention to the ship-wide announcement and the senior staff meeting that followed it. She was confident that most of the crew would be able to resolve their feelings over this debacle fairly quickly – fortunately the worst part, the mutiny itself, had lasted less than 24 hours, although Tuvok’s mind meld attacks had had the crew on edge for several days before that. She was counting on the strong bond that Voyager’s crew had formed to see them through to a rapid recovery.
She did not worry too much about Tuvok; she knew that he was not as unaffected as Vulcans would like others to think, but his orderly and disciplined mind would cope with the burden of guilt thrust on him by Teero’s manipulations. Tom and B’Elanna would have some healing to do, but fortunately they had been apart for nearly all of the mutiny and therefore had not had much opportunity to treat one another as enemies.
So that left her. And Chakotay. He would be the hardest.
Janeway knew that he would not solve all his problems by pounding aliens
on the holodeck. She needed to see him, talk to him, make sure he was on
the road to recovery and not the one to oblivion.