Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom own the usual suspects.
Juliana and Kireena are mine.
Sleeping Beauty
By: Tessa
Rating: NC-17. Go away if you aren’t of legal age.
Summary: Everyone must write a shuttle crash story;
this is mine. It is J/C but there is a – shall we say –
wrong turn along the way, so if you can’t stand
the idea of Chakotay getting frisky with another woman,
don’t read it. This probably takes place in season
7.
Commentary on my character: I purposefully did not
include a physical description of Juliana Davis. She
can look like whatever you want her to look like.
She can look like you – or the way you wish you
looked. She may be what some fanfic writers call
a "Mary Sue" – I’m not sure I fully understand the
concept, but part of it seems to be that she’s
a "placeholder" for the author or reader. In other words, you
might be better able to see yourself in the story
as an unknown crewman than imagining that you’re
Janeway and look like Kate Mulgrew.
--------------------------------------------------------
Crewman Juliana Davis floated through the door of
her quarters, twirled across the room, and landed with
a thud face-up on her bed, as if swooning.
"I’ve died and gone to heaven, Kireena," she said to her amused Bajoran roommate.
"What brought that on? Tabor finally got up the nerve to ask you out?" laughed the attractive woman.
"Hell no, he’s still scared to death of me. Better than that," she replied.
"Hmmm. Lt. Ayala made a pass at you in the turbo lift?"
"Yum, that would be nice. No, it’s even better than that," Juliana smiled.
"Better than Ayala in a turbo lift? Oh my, this
must be good. Let’s see…Commander Chakotay jumped
you in a Jefferies tube?" Kireena grinned.
Juliana pushed herself up on her elbows and gave her a sly smile. "No, but you’re getting warmer."
"Warmer?! Which part, Chakotay or the Jefferies tube?" she said impatiently.
Juliana now had a devilish smirk on her face. "Chakotay," she sing-songed and licked her lips.
"CHAKOTAY? Tell me! What what what!" Kireena shrieked.
"By the Prophets, I’m gonna faint if you
tell me he made a pass at you."
"Yeah, right! No such luck. Yet. But I will get
to spend more than 24 hours alone with him, so who
knows?" she laughed.
"You WHAT?" Kireena was practically screaming now.
"I’m going on an away mission with him. Just the
two of us, on a shuttle. I might die from the sheer thrill
of it."
"Sheer thrill my ass, with Commander Crash at the
helm you might just die, period," Kireena retorted.
"But if you’re lucky you’ll just be stranded with
him for a few days on some M-class planet. Mmmm, I
could get into that. Let’s see, some place really
hot, so you just have to take all your clothes off…" Juliana
walloped her with her pillow, interrupting Kireena’s
scenario. They both laughed hysterically.
"How in the world did you wind up with this plum? And when are you going?" Kireena inquired.
"Just dumb luck. You know they’re trying to rotate
the away missions around the whole crew, let
everybody have a crack at them so we don’t get
bored silly. Gerron was supposed to be going on this one,
but he got a little too aggressive playing hoverball
and he broke his arm. The Doc fixed him up, but said he
has to take it easy for a couple of days. So my
number came up. We’re leaving at 0800 hours tomorrow!"
Juliana exclaimed.
"Tomorrow?! And just where is it that you’re going? Besides Nirvana, I mean," Kireena teased.
"The usual. Looking for dilithium, polyferranide,
that kind of stuff, on an N-Class planet. Not exactly a
cushy place for romantic shore leave – we’ll have
to use air packs, but at least it doesn’t require full
environmental suits. Voyager will be heading off
another direction on a similar search. Apparently the
dilithium situation is getting a bit serious so
they’re doubling their efforts to find some. We’re supposed to
be gone for about 28 hours – six hours in transit
each way, and about 16 on the planet. The plan is to
work straight through; we’ll only get cat naps,
so I’d better turn in and get some sleep."
She yawned and stretched as she headed off to the
bathroom to get ready for bed. Tomorrow promised to
be a memorable day.
/*\
The next morning, Juliana arrived at the shuttle
bay 15 minutes early, hoping to have a few minutes to
calm her nerves and reacquaint herself with the
shuttle before the commander arrived. She hadn’t had any
refresher training on shuttle operations in over
a year, and it had been more than two years since she had
flown in one on an away mission – usually they
just beamed down. And, while she was thrilled that she
would be accompanying the object of her most unattainable
fantasies, it made her more than a little
nervous to be facing 28 hours in close proximity
to him. Aside from having a serious (and futile, she
admitted) case of the hots for him, she admired
and respected him a great deal, and wanted to make a
good impression.
Butterflies flew in her stomach when she saw that
she would not have the hoped-for time to compose
herself.
"Good morning, Crewman Davis. Looking forward to a long ride in a small space?" the commander joked.
Her stomach fluttered again. His dimples were showing.
His smile was all it took to make her knees weak.
*Get a grip on yourself, Juliana,* she thought.
*You’re a grown woman, not a hormonal teenager.*
"Good morning, sir. I’m not sure about the long
ride in the small space, but it is nice to have a change
from the daily routine." She smiled back at him,
projecting a confidence she didn’t feel at the moment.
"Come on in and we’ll go through the pre-flight
checklists together. I’ll refamiliarize you with some of
shuttle’s systems. It’s been a while since you’ve
been on one, hasn’t it?"
She answered him and they boarded the shuttle. Half
an hour later they glided out into open space, and
she was feeling much more at ease. In her duties
in the science lab, she had not had much opportunity to
work directly with Chakotay. He had a reputation
for being very easygoing and relaxed to work with, as
long as you didn’t do something really stupid,
and it seemed to be true.
At the commander’s direction, Juliana spent the
first hour of the flight continuing to bone up on the
shuttle’s systems. Once done, there was little
to do but watch the stars go by. She stole sidelong glances at
the handsome first officer, but tried to be careful
not to get caught staring. She wanted to stare; it was
very rare for her to be this close to him – once
in a while in the messhall, maybe – and she wished she
could take full advantage of it.
Chakotay broke the silence. "Didn’t you spend some time at the Academy?" He glanced at her.
*Yes, that’s where I got my huge crush on you, the
first time I saw you walking across the main quad…*
"Yes, Commander, I was there for almost two years.
I was disappointed that you resigned the semester
before I planned to take your Intro to Tactical
Analysis class. I’d heard it was excellent." *And I was
looking forward to drooling over you for three
hours a week.* "Of course, as it turned out, I left not long
after you did," she said with a trace of angst.
"And why was that – or is it none of my business?" He inquired.
"Oh, I don’t mind talking about it, sir. I had to
go home to help my family. My mom was diagnosed with
an incurable cancer. We had lost my dad the year
before at Wolf 359, and we really didn’t have any other
close family, so it was sort of up to me and my
younger brother to take care of her – and each other." She
got quieter and her eyes seemed far away. "It seems
incredible to me that in the 24th century, medical
science can still be stumped by cancer."
"I’m sorry." Chakotay’s voice was soft and earnest.
"It must have been very hard on you, to lose both
your parents so young."
"I coped. I grew up in a hurry. I know I’m a much
better person today for what I went through." She
gave a twisted smile. "That which does not kill
us makes us strong, right?"
"True," Chakotay grimaced. "I’ve had a lot more of that kind of strength training than I’d like."
"Yes, I gather you have," she said softly. She suddenly
felt very superficial; her losses seemed to pale in
comparison to the many ordeals that she had heard
about Chakotay enduring. Whatever nervousness she
still had quickly evaporated as she felt a connection
to him on a personal level.
"You couldn’t return to the Academy after your mother
died? From what I remember of your personnel
record you would make a good officer," he asked.
She blushed slightly at the compliment. "Thank you,
sir, that means a lot to me coming from you. I felt
too old to return. I would have been three years
older than most of the other students in my classes. At
that age, that’s a big difference. After what I
had experienced, even people my own age often seemed a
little frivolous to me. And I didn’t have the money.
The government pays part of the cost, but not
everything. So I decided to enlist. I figured I
could work my way up the ranks. I didn’t count on winding
up in the Delta Quadrant."
Chakotay frowned. "Yes, the promotion situation
is very frustrating to the captain and me, as I’m sure it is
for the entire crew. Back in the Alpha Quadrant,
virtually everyone on this ship would have been
promoted, most more than once. But without new
recruits coming in, and higher ranking officers moving
on, it’s very hard for us to give promotions."
He turned to her with a wry face. "Hopefully we’ll get back
to the Alpha Quadrant before we’re all qualified
to be admirals!"
She smiled back, and their flight continued with comfortable conversation.
"We’re approaching the coordinates, Commander. I
believe I see the planet ahead. Scanners are detecting
some plasma storms, but they appear to be minor
and there aren’t too many of them. No life signs, sir,"
Juliana reported.
"Very good, Crewman. I’ll plot a course to avoid
any storms. They may take my pilot’s license away if I
crash another shuttle," he grinned as his hands
moved over the console in front of him. Juliana’s heart
skipped a beat; she wasn’t sure if it was because
of the grin or the thought of crashing.
They began their descent routinely. "Twenty kilometers
from the landing site," Chakotay intoned.
Suddenly the shuttle jolted violently. "What the
hell…? Computer, report!" he barked.
"Aft thrusters are off line. Attitude control is unstable," the computer monotone responded.
"Looks like wind shear from another storm forming
right above us," Chakotay shouted as the shuttle
lurched again. "See if you can get the thrusters
back online and I’ll work on the attitude control – and
brace yourself, we’re probably going to have a
very bumpy landing in about 30 seconds!"
/*\
Juliana opened her eyes to see…what? A gray featureless
surface. Were her eyes really open? Were they
working? Her head was slowly clearing. The shuttle.
She was on the shuttle and now…it must have
crashed. She turned her head slightly and realized
that the gray was the shuttle wall. She could see. Slowly
she began testing parts of her body – arms, legs,
neck, torso. So far, so good. Everything seemed to be
working; no broken bones, just a lot of soreness
and bruises.
The shuttle. She was on the shuttle and it crashed.
The fog was gradually dissipating from her brain. She
was on the shuttle with…the commander! Awareness
began to flood back – where was the commander?
She pulled herself up from the floor and looked
around the cabin.
Chakotay lay on his back on the floor a few meters
away from her, motionless. As she crawled over to
him, she saw an angry red gash on his forehead.
*Oh, please be alright,* she thought desperately. She
lifted his limp hand and felt his wrist for a pulse.
She found one; it was strong. His chest rose and fell
rhythmically – his breathing was fine. Quickly
she took stock of his condition. No apparent spinal injury.
Juliana hauled herself up and made her way to the
med kit still securely strapped to the wall. Pulling out
the medical tricorder, she scanned Chakotay thoroughly.
Minor abrasions and contusions, and a moderate
to severe concussion. She selected the appropriate
instrument from the kit and ran it over his head,
attempting to relieve the swelling. It arrested
the swelling but she couldn’t seem to reverse it; for that she
needed the more powerful version the doc had in
sickbay. She waited for a while and checked him again.
At least the swelling was not worsening. She took
out the small dermal regenerator and quickly repaired
his cut. Retrieving a pillow from a cabinet, she
placed it under his head.
Once she was satisfied that his condition was stable,
she turned her attention to their status. "Computer,
report."
"Propulsion is off line. External sensors are off
line. All other systems functioning within normal
parameters."
Well, that wasn’t too bad. No hull breaches, environmental
systems were functioning, and the
communications system was OK – though not particularly
useful, since Voyager was supposed to be out
of comm range for at least the next 14 hours or
so. She stepped over to the console and confirmed that
the emergency homing beacon had been activated.
They just had to sit tight until Voyager found them.
Her only real worry was the commander’s condition,
which scared her a little but she told herself he
would eventually awaken and be fine.
Juliana moved around the cabin, restowing objects
that had taken flight during their inelegant landing.
Luckily they had come to rest on fairly level ground;
the commander must have more or less hit his
intended site, since much of the surrounding terrain
was quite rocky and uneven.
With all that squared away, she returned to Chakotay’s
side. The tricorder still revealed him to be stable,
but the swelling was not yet abating. "Commander,"
she called, hoping her voice would urge him to
consciousness. "Commander." No response. Hesitantly,
she reached out and gently stroked his cheek with
her fingers. "Chakotay. Wake up. Please!" Still
nothing.
Discouraged, she slumped down next to him, laying
on her side with her arm propping up her head. Well,
now she could stare at him all she wanted. He was
so…beautiful. Was that the right word? It didn’t seem
like the word to use for such a handsome man, but
it was the word that kept returning to her. He was
beautiful. His face was so finely sculpted, so
regal. She could easily imagine him as a Mayan chief; his
Native American features were evident. His profile
was so perfect it took her breath away – the sensual
curves of his aquiline nose, the chiseled shape
of his full lips. How tempting it was to kiss those lips. She
smiled to herself. Who would know? She thought
of the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty – could the princess
wake the prince? She chuckled. Why not? Just a
little one. If he really did wake up, he would undoubtedly
be so disoriented she could easily ignore or deny
that the kiss ever happened.
She leaned over and gently pressed her lips to his.
They were warm and soft. It somehow reassured her
that he would be alright. She drew back quickly.
In equal measure she was relieved and disappointed
when there was no change. Well, she’d had her fun.
She could go back and tell Kireena that she had
kissed Chakotay – she would really get her going
before admitting he’d been unconscious at the time.
She got up and rummaged through her pack, pulling
out some lunch. There really wasn’t much to do until
they were rescued except keep watch over Chakotay;
it was against protocol and good sense for her to
leave the shuttle under the circumstances.
At long last, Juliana heard a groan. She looked
over to see Chakotay’s eyelids fluttering and his head
rolling slightly. Quickly she went to kneel at
his side.
"Commander…wake up, sir." She took his hand and rubbed it. "Commander Chakotay, wake up."
Finally his eyes opened fully, and he looked up at her, dazed.
"Are you OK?" she said with concern. "You had me worried."
He stared at her dumbly for a few moments, then
smiled broadly. "Kathryn," he whispered, and with his
free hand he pulled the shocked Juliana’s head
down to his own and kissed her softly. His hand dropped
down again and the astounded crewman pulled away.
"Commander, it’s Crewman Davis." She tried to keep
the waver out of her voice and sound confident.
"We crashed the shuttle. You have a concussion.
How do you feel?"
"Where am I?" His eyes were very glazed.
"You’re on the shuttle. We crashed on a small planet. We have to stay here until Voyager finds us."
"My head hurts." He moved his hand up to where his bump had been.
"Yes, you have a bad concussion. I can give you
a sedative, but it’s probably a good idea for you to stay
awake for awhile. Do you understand?" She frowned;
he really seemed to be out of it.
"Kathryn." He closed his eyes and opened them again.
"Where am I?" He started trying to get up,
grimacing and groaning, his hand rubbing his head.
Damn. He wasn’t getting any of what she was saying.
"Commander, please lie down. You aren’t well."
He ignored her and looked around, a little wildly.
He was beginning to get agitated. This was not good.
She pulled the hypospray out of the med kit, loaded
it, and pressed it to his neck. He lay back down and
was soon asleep.
Good lord. He’d called her "Kathryn" and kissed
her! She knew who Kathryn was – at least, she assumed
it was the captain – but she wasn’t sure what the
kiss meant. Was it confirmation that the two
commanding officers had a "thing" going on, as
many crew members insisted? Or was it simply a delirious
Chakotay living out a dream? Who knew. It was a
thrill to be kissed by him, even if she wasn’t the
intended recipient. She didn’t think she’d be telling
Kireena about this one.
Juliana monitored Chakotay for several hours and
had another small meal. Darkness was falling, her
bumps and bruises hurt, and she was exhausted,
though it didn’t seem like she had really done anything all
day. The commander seemed stable enough, there
was nothing much she could do for him, so she got out
a sleeping kit for herself and prepared to go to
sleep for a while.
She deliberated about sleeping attire for several
minutes. It had gotten a bit warm in the cabin, and at any
rate she hated sleeping in her uniform pants. As
long as she had the lightweight cover over her, she
reasoned, what difference did it make what was
under it. She had removed her jacket long ago. She
stripped off her pants and turtleneck, and extricated
her bra from inside the tank – couldn’t sleep with that
either! Once she was ready, she checked on Chakotay
once more, then ordered the computer to turn off
all the lights except for the small floor lights
that ran around the perimeter of the cabin. These would give
her enough light to keep an eye on the commander
during the night. With that, she snuggled in under her
cover and promptly drifted off to sleep.
/*\
Something woke her; she wasn’t sure what. She was
dimly aware that her legs were cooler – and she
heard breathing somewhere above her head. Her eyes
snapped open, and she looked straight up from her
supine position to see Chakotay’s dark eyes – nearly
black in the dim light – looking down at her. Even in
the semi-darkness she could tell that his expression
was full of heat and lust. She looked around and took
quick stock of the situation.
*Oh shit.* The commander was on all fours, straddling
her, wearing nothing but black briefs that did little
to disguise his solid erection. He had apparently
pulled away her cover, leaving her only in her tank top
and silk bikini panties.
"Commander, what are you doing," Juliana rasped, trying unsuccessfully to control her shock.
"Kathryn, I need you," he said, and he lowered himself
onto her, covering her mouth with his in a fiery
kiss.
Juliana put her hands on his chest and shoved with
all her strength, but she might as well have been
pushing against a bulkhead. No effect. She squirmed
under him, but she found that that only served to
arouse her, and probably him as well. He groaned
as he moved his mouth from hers and buried his face in
her neck, biting and tonguing her sensitive skin.
"Kathryn, I can’t wait anymore. I want you now," he said huskily.
Juliana spoke loudly and insistently. "Commander,
I’m NOT Kathryn. I’m Juliana Davis. We CAN’T do
this. You have a concussion, you’re delusional.
Please, get off of me. Commander Chakotay, PLEASE!
You have to STOP!"
Her words didn’t seemed to register at all. It was
as if Chakotay couldn’t even hear her. He had now
positioned himself between her legs and was grinding
his hard cock against her. Only two thin pieces of
fabric separated her from what she had dreamed
about for nearly 10 years. One strong hand reached
down and pushed her tank top up to reveal her full
breasts. He bent his head down and took one into his
mouth, sucking hard at the erect nipple.
Juliana gasped and tried to think straight. *Options,
options, what the hell are my options…* She couldn’t
overpower him. She didn’t want to hurt him using
any of the self defense techniques she’d been taught,
such as poking him in the eyes. It seemed obvious
he wouldn’t take "no" for an answer – gods, he wasn’t
even communicating with her. What did that leave?
That left…giving into her fantasies. Making love
with Chakotay. Giving him what he wanted – or thought
he wanted.
The idea made her feel terribly guilty; "one night
stands" were not her style, and she couldn’t imagine that
he would want this if he were in his right mind.
But he wasn’t. What else could she do?
"Alright, Chakotay. For tonight, I’m yours!" And
with that, she threw back her head, wrapped her arms
around his muscular back, began to undulate her
hips to meet his, and focused on the ripples of pleasure
his ministrations were creating all over her body.
He was working his way down her stomach, his hands
moving toward her parted thighs, when suddenly
he stopped and raised his head. He rubbed his forehead
and mumbled, "C’mon, gotta move." Juliana was
puzzled, then realized that having his head down
probably made his headache worse.
Chakotay pushed himself up and pulled her after
him. He embraced her fully and cupped her rear, pulling
her body against him, against his rigid length,
while giving her a slow, sensual kiss, teasing her with his soft
wet tongue. "My god, what you do to me…" he moaned.
He dragged the disheveled tank top completely
off, then pushed her panties down until they dropped
to the floor and she stepped out of them. Naked.
She was fully naked and standing in front of Chakotay.
Gods, only in her dreams did she consider this
possible. Her entire pelvic area was tingling.
He led her over to the co-pilot’s seat. After adjusting
it so that it was as far back from the console as
possible, he gently lowered her into it. He kneeled
down in front of her, in the still-tight space between the
seat and the console. He pulled her hips to the
edge of the seat, then pushed at her shoulders until she
leaned against the back. Then he lifted each of
her legs in turn, on either side of his body, opening her to
him, and braced her feet on the console behind
him, careful to avoid the controls. "Don’t move your feet
or you may launch the shuttle," he chided. It was
the first glimmer of awareness she had seen in him since
they’d crashed, but she wasn’t thinking about that.
She was breathless with anticipation at his next move.
She did not have long to wait; soon Chakotay overwhelmed
her with a triple assault. He leaned over and
kissed her, long, hard, deep, and wet. One hand
palmed a breast, then pinched and twisted the nipple,
eliciting sensations that seemed to shoot straight
down to her now throbbing clit. His other hand wandered
languidly down her torso, along her hip, then slid
to her inner thigh, and with excruciating slowness his
thumb began to part her slick folds. He adeptly
stroked her sensitive bundle while simultaneously slipping
two fingers in and out of her.
Juliana took slow deliberate breaths, releasing
them explosively, then began panting, faster and faster as
the exquisite sensations magnified. She gripped
the seat desperately with her hands. Just as she thought
she was nearing the edge, he pulled back and ceased
his manipulations. An involuntary "oh" of
disappointment escaped from her and she looked
at him in frustration.
Chakotay smiled a knowing smile, leaned over and
trailed his tongue down her body, through the valley
between her breasts, down and around her navel,
down to upper edge of her curls. Spreading her with
both hands, his tongue then darted in and around
her swollen folds, now sopping wet from the secretions
of her desire. He teased until she thought she
would go mad from it.
"Oh my god, Chakotay, finish me!" she screamed.
No sooner had she said it than he latched onto her
clit with his lips and sucked. Her climax detonated,
every nerve in her body exploded, and the shock
waves shuddered through her. She uttered an unearthly
sound and simply ceased to breathe for several
moments.
When Juliana at last regained herself, she gazed
contently at Chakotay, noting a pronounced smirk of
self-satisfaction on his face. Damn, he was good,
and he knew it. If Janeway wasn’t taking advantage of
what he had to offer, she was an idiot. Juliana
would give anything to be the regular recipient of such
affections.
But now it was her turn to attend to his needs.
She tugged on his arms, indicating he should stand. She
released him from his briefs, dragging them down
until they fell to the floor, and she gave his thick, silky
shaft an appreciative glance. She reached over
and turned the pilot’s seat sideways and pushed him
toward it. He got the message and sat down. She
rose from her seat, stood over him, then slowly and
seductively straddled him. She stroked his rock-hard
cock, running over the tip with her thumb, spreading
the bead of moisture she found there, before guiding
it to its target. She threw back her head and
swallowed hard as she eased herself onto him. She
was wet and ready for him, but it had been a very,
very long time.
Chakotay groaned deeply. Juliana slowly worked his
solid length in and out of her, penetrating little by
little, until finally she sank down and took all
of him in, filling her completely. She released a low moan.
He grasped her hips, forcing her down to him as
he thrust up into her. She grabbed the seatback to steady
herself. He pulled a breast into his mouth, licking
and nipping the pebbly nipple, then sucking with great
fervor. One hand left her hip and moved to her
sensitive center. His attentions caused her inner muscles to
grip him – together they began to rock faster and
harder.
The stimulation became too intense for her; she
pulled his hand away and whispered, "Let me take care of
you." Focusing hard, she purposely clenched and
released her inner muscles in rhythm with his thrusts.
Soon he came with a roar and emptied himself within
her.
Exhausted, they wrapped their arms around each other
and slowly came down from the endorphin high of
their lovemaking.
"Gods, Kathryn, I love you," Chakotay murmured in
her ear. "Why did you make me wait so many
years?"
The words were doubly sad to Juliana. Sad because
in the midst of the afterglow, she was reminded that
she was only a stand-in, and sad to think that
Chakotay loved and needed the captain, but was being
refused by her. At least, that is how it seemed,
if his words and actions had any basis in reality. Chakotay
deserved happiness, so did Janeway. They certainly
appeared to have a good relationship, most of the
time anyway. Why wouldn’t the captain permit them
to consummate it?
Juliana had heard all the reasons that Janeway allegedly
wouldn’t let their relationship to become a
romantic one – it was the subject of endless debate
among her colleagues – but frankly she thought it was
all a load of horseshit. The only explanation that
she thought had any merit was that Janeway simply
didn’t harbor those kinds of feelings for him,
which of course was difficult for Juliana to fathom.
At least she could give him the illusion of what he wanted, for one night.
"I love you too, Chakotay. You can’t imagine," she
said softly. He pulled her tighter to him; she couldn’t
be sure that he had understood her, but it didn’t
matter. It made her feel better, anyway.
Eventually they made their way back to the sleeping
pad. Juliana realized that Cinderella would have to
leave the ball pretty soon in case the commander
came to his senses and everything turned back into a
pumpkin. She would just lay down with him for a
few minutes, until he went to sleep, then she would
dress and fix herself another sleeping area away
from him. She theorized – at least, she mightily hoped –
that when he did finally become rational, he would
either remember none of this, or it would be
sufficiently fuzzy that he would assume it was
a dream or hallucination. Unfortunately, she
underestimated her own ability to remain awake
while nestled in the commander’s warm, soothing
embrace…
/*\
Something shifted. Juliana was in that hazy space
between wakefulness and sleep, gradually becoming
more aware of her feelings and sensations. There
was a brightness beyond her closed eyes. She was
pressed up against something warm, soft, comfortable;
there was a weight across her chest, tucked up
against her breasts. A sharp intake of breath –
not hers – then something shifted.
Juliana opened her eyes, and looked up, then slightly
to her left to see Commander Chakotay regarding
her with a mixture of incredulity, confusion, alarm,
amusement?, and she wasn’t sure what else. Oh gods.
Was he still out of it, or was he now rational?
Juliana opened her mouth to say something, but closed it
again when no words came.
"Crewman Davis, if you have some idea how we came
to be in this state, I would appreciate it if you
would enlighten me. I hope you don’t take it as
an insult that I have no memory of it." Chakotay’s tone
was even – the very epitome of grace under pressure.
Oh, damn. She was Crewman Davis again. This was
very bad. Juliana swallowed hard and tried to sort
out her thoughts. This was exceedingly difficult
to do, as she realized that she and the commander were
both still completely naked, without even a cover
over them, and were quite entangled. Chakotay was
laying on his right side, his knees pulled up.
Juliana was on her back, tucked up against him, her buttocks
pressed into his groin, left leg arched up and
over his thighs, her right arm covering his left arm across her
chest.
"Umm…umm…yes, I, uh, sir, I think I can enlighten
you. But…I don’t think you’ll like it much." She
thought about how he would react to the fact that
he had all but forced himself on her. "Maybe we should
get dressed first, sir."
"Agreed," he nodded.
Juliana disentangled herself from him, trying to
avert her eyes from his well-muscled golden body, now
fully revealed by the daylight streaming in through
the viewports. She darted around the cabin, retrieving
his clothing as well as hers, tossing his back
to him as he slowly pulled himself up from the floor. For his
part, he seemed unabashed by their state of undress.
She, however, was turning pinker by the minute.
Soon they were more respectably situated, in their
uniform pants; he wore a t-shirt and she a tank, in
deference to the warmth of the cabin. Chakotay
walked over to the pilot’s seat and sat down. Juliana
blanched, seeing in her mind’s eye how both seats
had last been used, but she took a deep breath and sat
down next to him.
"How’s your head, Commander," she asked.
"It hurts, but not too bad. I gather I have a concussion?" he replied, rubbing his forehead.
"Yes, a pretty bad one, actually. I couldn’t get
the swelling to go down," she said, gesturing toward the
med kit, "the best I could manage was to keep it
from worsening."
"I appreciate your efforts. Now, you want to tell me what happened here?"
Juliana took a deep breath. "Well, we crashed the
shuttle, sir. I can’t tell you much about that part; the last
thing I remember was we were making our approach
and a storm hit us. Then I woke up about half an
hour later. You had a rather nasty gash on your
forehead, so I treated you, and then made sure we
weren’t in any apparent danger. We have stable
life support and the comm system is up, but the
propulsion systems are shot. The emergency beacon
is transmitting."
"So we just have to wait for Voyager. This all happened
when?" He glanced at the chronometer.
"Yesterday? I was out that long?"
"Well…" Juliana equivocated. "Parts of you were out that long."
"OK, I guess we’re getting to the interesting part now." He smiled guardedly.
"You could say that, sir." She twisted her fingers
nervously. "You woke up about three hours after the
crash. You were delirious and delusional. You…you
called me… ‘Kathryn’." Chakotay’s eyebrows went
up. "And…you kissed me." She didn’t look at his
face.
"I…see." He sat back and began rubbing his chin. "Go on."
"You were totally out of it; I couldn’t make you
understand anything I was telling you. You started getting
agitated and I couldn’t keep you from moving around,
so I gave you a sedative. You slept for quite a
while. When it got dark, I went to sleep too."
Juliana hesitated, trying to choose her words. Her
guilt that she had somehow taken advantage of him
weighed heavily on her. She was embarrassed to
tell him how she felt about him, ashamed to admit she
willingly submitted to him, but cognizant that
without that knowledge, he would certainly feel that he had
raped her. What an awful mess.
She struggled on; speaking haltingly. "During the
night, I woke up to find that you were awake, and you
were…over me…" Chakotay’s dark eyes displayed concern.
"You had taken off all your clothes except
your briefs. You…were still calling me…Kathryn,
and you were…very insistent that we…make love."
Her voice had trailed off to a whisper; her nervousness
was clear. Chakotay’s face showed increasing
alarm as she continued. "I tried to tell you I
wasn’t Kathryn, I tried to stop you, but you couldn’t
understand anything I said to you."
Chakotay looked stricken. "My god. Are you saying
that I…forced myself on you?" The color was
draining from his face.
"No! No…" Juliana’s hands gestured uselessly as
she searched for the right words. "I…I…you didn’t
have to. I didn’t…resist. I wanted…to make love
with you."
He stared at her; his alarm mixed with confusion.
Juliana paused, then continued, an apologetic tone in her
voice. The words came easier now that she had gotten
the worst of it out.
"You see, the truth is that I’ve had a major crush
on you since my days at the Academy. I never expected
it to come to anything, but let’s just say you’ve
figured prominently in my fantasies. Then, last night, well,
I tried to stop you. I knew you would never behave
that way if you were in your right mind, and I didn’t
want to take advantage of you. I’m not like that;
I don’t have sex for the sake of having sex. But I didn’t
want to cause you physical harm by trying to fight
you off. And…I just didn’t want to resist. It was as if
my fantasy was coming true." She closed her eyes
a moment and thought back on their night of passion.
"Gods, did it come true."
She took a deep breath and continued. "But I didn’t
mean for you to find out. I was going to get dressed
and sleep separately from you, in case you were
back in your right mind when you woke up. I figured you
wouldn’t remember what happened, or you would think
it was a hallucination. But you didn’t want to let
me go, and…it felt really nice being held. I fell
asleep too." She looked at the floor. "I’m sorry. I know it
wasn’t right, but I’m not sure what else I could
have done, Commander."
There was silence for a minute while Chakotay absorbed what she had told him.
"I don’t know what to say. I feel terrible for putting
you in that position. I’m so sorry. Even if you
were…receptive…what a horrible thing I did." He
paused and ran a hand through his hair. "It’s a little
hard to take that I could be capable of acting
that way regardless of my condition. Gods, what if you
hadn’t been willing…" Chakotay sighed heavily,
obviously shaken.
"But I was. Please, Commander, don’t beat yourself
up over what might have happened." She shrugged.
"You know, we can’t control what we can’t control.
I’m sorry this happened, but only for you. I know
you didn’t want it. But I’m not sorry for me."
She smiled a bit impishly, emboldened by his contriteness
and hoping to lighten his dark mood. "In fact,
I can die a happy woman now. I’ll never have a better lover
in this life."
Chakotay laughed in spite of himself, his dimples
in full display. "Oh, please. I’m not that good," he said
dismissively.
"You don’t remember anything, but I do. You were
magnificent. I hope I’m around for your next
concussion," she was audacious enough to venture.
Chakotay blushed – not an easy feat with his bronze
skin. "I sincerely hope there will never be a repeat
performance. It’s quite unsettling to wake up and
find out you’ve been up to things you wouldn’t normally
do." He paused for a moment, then looked at Juliana
with curiosity. "If you don’t mind me asking,
just…exactly what DID we do? I may not want to
hear it, but I probably should know."
It was Juliana’s turn to blush. "Ah…OK. Yes, I guess
you should." She swallowed hard and tried to speak
matter-of-factly. "As I mentioned before, we started
out over there," she gestured toward the sleeping pad.
"But your head hurt worse when you were bending
over me, so you brought me over to this seat.
We…um…engaged in some foreplay, including you doing
some…er…exquisite things to me with your
tongue…"
"Oral sex?" Chakotay interjected.
"Um…right." Juliana was bright red by now.
"I see. What else?"
"Then we…uh…had intercourse. Right there, where
you’re sitting." She was flushed by the double heat
of embarrassment and arousal. She was pulled by
two urges: to flee from the shuttle, and to climb in
Chakotay’s lap and repeat their earlier passion.
Of course, she did neither. She glanced at his face. He
looked a little disconcerted, and as she pulled
her gaze away from him she realized to her dismay that he
was getting an erection.
*Oh, gods, don’t look at him!* Juliana spun her
seat back to face the forward viewport and she stared at
the bleak planet outside.
"I guess I’ll never look at a shuttle’s pilot seat
quite the same way again. Anything else I need to know?"
Chakotay asked.
"No, sir, I think that about covers it. Or uncovers
it, as the case may be," she answered with a weak
chuckle.
There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. Finally Juliana spoke up.
"Commander?"
"Yes, Crewman?"
"What are we going to tell the captain?" she said glumly.
Chakotay shook his head. "I wish I knew." He mulled
it over for a moment. "I’d like to say she doesn’t
need to know what happened here. But as a practical
matter I have to admit that she and I seem to have a
sixth sense about each other. There’s a good chance
she’ll know something’s up. Why don’t you just
leave it out of your written report, but if she
presses you for more information, don’t lie. I’ll do the same.
I’m sure she’ll ask me first, if it comes to that."
"OK." Juliana pondered that plan for a moment, wishing
she knew the true nature of the captain and
commander’s relationship, and wondering if that
relationship would change – for better or worse – if the
captain learned the truth about last night.
Chakotay pushed up from his seat. "Well, I’m going
to see what I can do to get this shuttle back in shape.
Engineering isn’t my strongest point but it beats
twiddling my thumbs until Voyager shows." He pulled out
a toolbox and started poking around. Juliana cleaned
up the sleeping area and then helped him with his
work.
After a while, Chakotay stopped and rubbed his forehead.
"Mind checking the med kit to see if there’s
something for this headache? It’s getting worse."
"Sure, Commander. You really should lay down and
rest; I think you’re overdoing it." She pulled the
hypospray out of the kit. "Oh!" she exclaimed,
suddenly looking upset; her hand flew to her mouth.
Chakotay jumped up and moved toward her. "What’s wrong?"
Juliana stared at the hypospray. "I could have stopped
it. It didn’t have to happen." She was clearly
distressed.
"What are you talking about?" Chakotay searched her face, concerned by the quick mood change.
She looked up at him, guilt seizing her. "When I
decided to give in to you, I didn’t think I had any other
options. But I did. When you let me up off the
floor, I should have gotten the hypospray and sedated you.
I don't know why I didn't think of it. I’m sorry."
Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders. "Listen
to me. You told me not to beat myself up about this.
You shouldn’t either. Don’t blame yourself. Besides,
you can’t know what would have happened if you
had tried to use a hypospray on me; I may have
gotten violent."
"I guess you’re right, Commander. I just…well, both
of us are frustrated that we couldn’t control the
situation. I guess we’re just human." She loaded
the hypospray and injected Chakotay. "I hope this makes
your headache better." She smiled wanly.
They were both startled when the comm system squawked.
"Voyager to Away Team." It was Janeway.
"Chakotay here. Go ahead."
"Are you alright, Commander? We’ve locked onto your emergency beacon. You had some trouble?"
"Yes, sorry, Captain. I crashed another shuttle,"
he said sheepishly. "Got caught by a freak plasma storm.
It’s not too bad but it looks like we may have
to tractor it in. I’m not making any headway getting
propulsion up and running."
"Are you OK? Any injuries?" Juliana could hear the worry in Janeway’s voice.
"Crewman Davis is fine, just bumps and bruises.
I had a concussion and was apparently out of it for most
of the last 18 hours, but I’m much better now."
"That hard head of yours comes in handy sometimes,
Commander. I’m glad you’re OK. We should be in
transporter range in about an hour."
"Acknowledged. Chakotay out."
/*\
Juliana and Chakotay took a long look at each other
before issuing the transport order. He gave her the
slightest of smiles; sort of a nonverbal apology,
plus encouragement for the awkward debriefing ahead.
She felt she still had something important to say
to him, she just couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
They materialized in sickbay, and the doctor greeted them with his characteristic sardonic commentary.
"Ah, Commander, been out crashing shuttles again
I see." He motioned for Chakotay to lay down on a
biobed. "You reported a concussion?"
"Yes, Crewman Davis can probably tell you a lot
more about it than I can. She treated me. I was out of it
until this morning," Chakotay replied.
"Very well. Crewman? What can you tell me?"
"Well, the tricorder registered moderate to severe
cranial swelling in this area," she related, pointing to
where the gash had been, as the doctor ran his
scanner all around Chakotay’s head. "He had a nasty cut
there, which I repaired with the dermal regenerator.
But the swelling did not respond very well to
treatment. It didn’t get worse, but it was very
slow to improve."
"And how long was he unconscious?"
As Juliana opened her mouth to answer, the sickbay
doors whooshed open and the captain entered. She
went directly to the head of Chakotay’s biobed
and placed her hand on his shoulder – it was so like the
captain to do this, with any of her crew, but now
everything Juliana saw between the captain and the
commander was filtered through her experience of
the night before. The smile on Janeway’s face seemed
to be a little more – special – than usual, or
was that Juliana’s imagination?
"Commander, it’s good to have you back." She glanced
briefly at Juliana. "And you, too, Crewman." She
returned her gaze to Chakotay. "How is your head?"
The doctor spoke imperiously. "We were just in the
process of determining that. Ms. Davis was reporting
on his condition and treatment. I believe you were
about to tell me how long he was unconscious."
Janeway rolled her eyes and deferred to the doctor.
"He was out for about 3 hours initially. He woke
briefly, but he was delirious and delusional, and started
getting agitated, so I sedated him. I know it’s
preferable to avoid sedation until the swelling subsides, but I
knew he shouldn’t be up moving around, either."
The doctor concurred. "Under the circumstances it
was probably the right thing to do. The commander is
a big man, and if he had gotten belligerent, you
could have easily lost control of the situation."
*Lost control. Gods, if they only knew,* she thought.
She continued, a little hesitantly, as she was
mentally censoring the details. "Then he woke again
during the night for…oh…about an hour. He was
still, um, delusional, but not agitated, so I,
uh, didn’t sedate him. He went back to sleep on his own. He
woke up at around 0600 hours this morning and seemed
back to normal." She gave a inward sigh of relief.
That wasn’t so hard.
"You said he was delusional?" The doctor inquired. "What was the nature of his delusions?"
"What?" Juliana looked like a deer caught in the lights. She really, really did not want to get into this.
"What sort of delusions was he having?" The doctor repeated.
"Um…nothing very, uh, interesting." Gods, why did
he have to pursue this? And with the captain standing
right there? "I really don’t think it’s relevant."
She tried to appear nonchalant, but her discomfort was
causing a blush to creep onto her face.
"Oh." The doctor looked put off. "I suppose not."
He had finished his scans of Chakotay’s head, and
started moving along the rest of his body. "Hmmm."
His eyebrow arched, he frowned slightly, and his
eyes darted quickly between Chakotay and Juliana.
Chakotay and Juliana exchanged significant glances.
Undoubtedly he was reading the indications of recent
sexual activity.
None of this escaped Janeway’s notice. Something
was up; she just didn’t know what. "What is it,
Doctor? Have you found something wrong with Chakotay?"
"Not at all, Captain, just some…interesting readings.
I’ll let you know if it’s anything of concern." He
continued his exam with a look of disapprobation.
The captain’s comm badge broke the awkward silence. "Torres to Janeway."
"Go ahead."
"We’ve tractored in the damaged shuttle and I’ve
got the preliminary status report on it you wanted. If
you meet me in the shuttle bay I’ll go over it
with you," the chief engineer related.
Janeway surveyed the two patients and the doctor
with a poorly disguised glower. "On my way." She
again touched Chakotay’s shoulder and gave him
a quick smile. "Speedy recovery, Commander." At that,
she turned and left the room.
/*\
The doctor finished his examination of the commander
and ordered him to remain in sickbay for
observation for a few hours. In short order he
had completed Juliana’s exam and treatment as well. She
could tell at exactly what moment he confirmed
her elevated hormone levels and the traces of semen
within her; his frown intensified.
He folded up his tricorder and put it away. "Could
I have a word with you in my office, please?" She
looked back at Chakotay as she followed the doctor
into his office. The commander shrugged, a look of
resignation on his face.
"Please sit down, Ms. Davis." She complied. "I noted
some very interesting readings on both you and
Commander Chakotay. Is there anything you need
to make the commander aware of, or was he a
conscious participant?"
Juliana closed her eyes for a moment and sighed
heavily. She began to blush again. There was nothing to
do but tell him. He was just looking out for his
patient; if she hadn’t already told the commander, he did
have a right to know.
"We have already discussed it. When Commander Chakotay
woke up during the night, he…thought I was
someone else, and his…um…normal inhibitions were
gone. He was intent on having sex, and having no
apparent reasonable alternative, I…accommodated
him," Juliana dispassionately explained. For once, the
doctor was speechless. She continued. "We have
a mutual understanding about what happened. I want
you to realize that as far as I am concerned, he
did not rape me, and as far as he is concerned, I did not
take undue advantage of him. We aren’t happy about
what happened, but we’ll deal with it. There is no
need for you to inform the captain. If she is to
learn about it, it will be from the commander or myself."
She stood up. "May I go now?"
The doctor recovered his aplomb and nodded. "Yes,
Ms. Davis, you can return to your quarters. You’re
off duty until tomorrow. I advise you to take it
easy for the rest of the day."
She nodded and walked out to Chakotay’s biobed. "I told the doctor."
"I figured as much. I don’t know why I didn’t think
about our…activity showing up on his tricorder scans.
I guess we couldn’t have done anything about it,
but we at least would have been prepared, maybe told
him in advance so we could have avoided the eyebrow
raising while the captain was here." He shook his
head.
"I told him not to tell the captain. You should say something to him as well," she said.
"Right," he said, but from his grimace she knew
he had reached the same conclusion she had – the
captain’s curiosity had already been piqued. She
was unlikely to let sleeping dogs lie.
Juliana smiled sadly at Chakotay, then turned and walked out of sickbay.
/*\
As she entered her quarters, Juliana muttered a
prayer of thanksgiving that Kireena was on duty. The very
last thing she wanted to do right now was give
the details – real or manufactured – about her twenty-some
hours with Chakotay. Ironic that the very thing
that Kireena had joked about had indeed come to pass.
Juliana would love to talk it all over with someone,
but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t dare breathe a word
about it to anyone for fear that it would become
grist for the gossip mill.
She splurged and replicated a strong cup of Vulcan
coffee for herself. Just as she began to relax a little, her
comm badge chirped.
"Janeway to Davis."
Oh, hell. The last person she wanted to talk to.
"Yes, Captain."
"I’d like to see you in my quarters in ten minutes. Will that be possible?"
"Certainly, Captain. I’ll be there in ten minutes." Juliana was sure the captain could hear her uneasiness.
"Fine. Janeway out."
Her quarters. Why her quarters? It seemed like a
bad sign – like she knew something really intense was
going on, and she wanted the added privacy. On
the other hand, Juliana was relieved that she didn’t have
to walk across the bridge to the captain’s ready
room – and especially, from the ready room back to the
turbo lift after their chat, under the perpetually
curious eye of Tom Paris.
But why did Janeway want to talk to her? Why not Chakotay? Had she already talked to him?
But Chakotay didn’t know everything. Juliana hadn’t
told him the things he’d said, the obvious love and
longing for Janeway. It made her sad again, thinking
about how this extraordinary man had happiness just
out of reach.
/*\
Juliana took a deep breath and rang the captain’s
chime. "Come," she heard Janeway say, and the door
slid open. She walked in hesitantly. She had been
in the ready room a few times, but never here. She felt
very out of place.
"Please, come in," Janeway gestured. "Can I get something for you?"
"Just some cold water, thank you, Captain."
Janeway retrieved the beverages from the replicator
and ushered Juliana over to the couch. They sat down
about a meter apart. Juliana sat ramrod straight,
as if poised to bolt from the room; she was extremely
apprehensive.
"I’ve just come from sickbay," Janeway started.
"I wanted to have a word with Commander Chakotay
before I talked to you, but he was sleeping and
the doctor forbade me to wake him. I suppose since he
was out of it for most of the time after your crash,
it makes more sense for me to talk to you first anyway.
I could wait for your report, but I get the sense
that there is something important going on here that I
should know."
She leaned slightly toward Juliana and looked at
her with a piercing stare. Her voice was low, almost
husky, but with the unmistakable ring of command
to it. A voice that conveyed "don’t even think of lying
to me."
"Crewman – just what happened on that planet?"
Juliana looked away for a moment, down to the floor,
across the room, gathering herself. Finally she
turned back to the captain.
"Permission to speak freely, Captain?"
Janeway wasn’t expecting this. Her eyebrow arched slightly. "Of course, Crewman."
"I will tell you what happened. I only ask that
you listen to me and hear me out, and not try to cut me off
when I start to tell you things you may not want
to hear." She was trembling, but she knew what she had
to do. For Chakotay.
"Alright," said Janeway softly, her brows knitted.
"In sickbay I said that the commander was delusional.
His primary delusion was that I was someone else.
He was calling me ‘Kathryn.’ " She looked straight
at Janeway; neither flinched. "The first time he woke
up, he kissed me. I was too surprised to stop it."
She could tell that Janeway was struggling not to react.
"I see. Please go on."
"The second time he woke up was in the middle of
the night. I had gone to sleep. I woke up to find him
on all fours over me, dressed in nothing but his
briefs. He called me ‘Kathryn’ again and said ‘I need you,
I can’t wait anymore, I want you now.’ "
This time Janeway was unsuccessful at hiding her
shock; her mouth dropped open, but she said nothing.
Juliana was reddening again, but she was on a mission.
She plugged along.
"I tried to tell him I was not ‘Kathryn’, I tried
to push him off of me, I tried to stop him. But he wasn’t
comprehending a word I said to him. I might have
been able to stop him using some of those drastic
techniques they taught us in our self-defense class
– scratch his eyes out, a hard knee to the groin – but I
just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt him." Juliana
was fighting to keep her voice steady.
Janeway’s eyes were wide with horror. "Oh, Juliana,
I had no idea. I am so sorry." She moved closer and
placed her hand on Juliana’s shoulder.
"Wait and hear me out. You don’t understand." Juliana
took a few deep breaths. This was the third time
she had told this story; why wasn’t it getting
easier? "I know it sounds like Commander Chakotay forced
himself on me. But he didn’t. He didn’t have to."
Janeway withdrew her hand and stared at Juliana, puzzled.
"Captain, I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that
a lot of the women on this ship – and probably a few of the
men as well – are very much attracted to the commander.
I have had a crush on him since I was at the
Academy, ten years ago." She stared off into space.
"Then last night, the object of my most intense
fantasies was there in front of me, the sexiest
man in the universe, begging me to make love with him. If
there had been a viable alternative, I would have
taken it – I didn’t want to exploit his condition – but
when it became clear that it was the wisest course
of action, I took advantage of it. And you know what?
It was the most incredible lovemaking I’ve ever
experienced."
Her nervousness and embarrassment was finally abating;
she was on a roll now. Janeway was regarding
her incredulously. Juliana continued.
"I want you to know that he was the most considerate,
most skillful, most passionate, most…" Juliana
stopped as Janeway interrupted her.
"Crewman, I don’t think I need to hear…"
"I beg to differ, Captain, I think you do need to
hear this. You gave me permission to speak freely. You
agreed to hear me out. Seeing as how Chakotay thought
he was making love to YOU, I think it’s only fair
for you to know what you missed."
Janeway set her jaw and a combination of fire and
fear flashed through her blue eyes. Juliana was afraid
for a moment that she had gone too far, but Janeway
said nothing, so she went on.
"He was better than I had imagined in my fantasies.
And it was all for you. Captain, I know your personal
life shouldn’t be my business, but Commander Chakotay
made it my business and I just have to get this
off my chest. He loves you. The last thing he said
after we made love was ‘Kathryn, I love you. Why did
you make me wait so many years?’ "
Janeway was trying to control herself but Juliana
could see tears beginning to fill her eyes. "I’m just a
lowly crewman and I don’t know what it’s like to
run a starship, but if you have feelings for him, I can’t
understand why you don’t act on them, and frankly
neither can the rest of the crew. We want you to be
together. We want you to be happy. The general
consensus is that the ship would run smoother and we
would ALL be happier if you were together."
Juliana paused and caught her breath. "Captain,
you are pushing away with both hands what many of us
would cut off an arm to have. Please think about
what I’ve said."
She stopped. Janeway appeared to be searching for
something to say. "Permission to leave?" Juliana
requested.
"Dismissed." Janeway sighed heavily. Just as Juliana
reached the door, the captain looked up and said,
"wait!" Juliana stopped and turned around. "Is
the commander aware of what happened? Does he
remember it?"
"He doesn’t remember, but I told him everything
this morning." She paused, thinking. "Well, almost
everything. I didn’t tell him what he said, aside
from calling me ‘Kathryn’.
"I see. Thank you for your candor. You’ve given me a lot to think about."
Juliana smiled slightly and left.
/*\
Alpha shift was well over before the chime sounded
at Chakotay’s door. The doctor had discharged him
several hours earlier, and the commander frankly
had expected the captain to come by earlier. He was
dreading her visit, but knew that the fallout from
the away mission would have to be dealt with sooner or
later.
"Come in."
Janeway entered, carrying a bouquet of colorful
flowers in a vase, and wearing a simple blue dress that
buttoned all the way down the front.
"How’s the patient?" She inquired.
Chakotay was surprised that she was not in uniform, and that she seemed in rather a good mood.
"Much better, thank you. The headache is finally
gone, I think. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health
but he said I should remain off duty for another
day. I guess you knew that already. Thank you for the
flowers; they’re beautiful." He smiled at her a
little uneasily, waiting for her to bring up the subject he
would rather avoid.
"You’re welcome." She set the flowers down on the
dining table. She came over and sat next to him on
the couch, a little closer than she normally did.
"I had an interesting chat with Juliana Davis." Chakotay
jerked his head slightly in surprise and looked
at Janeway intently. He was sure she would come to him
first. "She’s a very forthright individual," she
continued.
"Yes, she seems to be," he nodded. "What did she tell you?" He eyed her cautiously.
"She told me a lot of things. She told me what happened
down there. I know you better than anyone,
Chakotay, and I know it must be eating you up inside
that your own mind and body could betray you like
that."
He closed his eyes for a moment and blew out an
explosive breath. "Yes, Kathryn, it bothers me a lot," he
acknowledged, frowning. "I just keep thinking how
unfair it was to Davis, and how… horrific it would
have been if she hadn’t been willing…" He trailed
off, not finishing his thought.
"And…" Janeway hesitated – "you’ve been thinking
about what would have happened if it had been me
with you instead of her, haven’t you?"
Chakotay looked up at her in shock. She knew him
too well. "Yes," he said in a whisper, pain and sadness
on his face. "It tears me apart to think I could
ever do something like that to you."
Janeway inched a little closer to him and put her
hand on his shoulder. "Chakotay," she said softly, "if it
had been me, I would have done the same thing she
did. I wish it had been me." She brought her other
hand up to caress his cheek. "It’s me now."
Chakotay searched her face in puzzlement. "What are you saying?"
She smiled her lopsided smile. "We finally made
love for the first time. You don’t remember it and I
wasn’t even there. Don’t you think that’s a little
unfair?"
"Yes, but…" He didn’t know what to say, what she was after.
"I’m through pushing you away, Chakotay. I love
you. And Davis told me you love me – at least that’s
what you told her when you thought she was me.
I don’t want to make you wait anymore. I want you
now. I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone.
I hope you still want me."
Chakotay stared at her in amazement. Then he wrapped
his hand behind her head and pulled her to him,
and kissed her as if his very life depended on
it. "Gods, Kathryn, I never stopped wanting you," he said as
he broke the kiss.
The effect on both of them was like a match to dry
tinder – nothing was held back; they were on fire for
each other.
He shifted both their bodies until she was lying
beneath him. She was already breathing hard from the
excitement of finally becoming intimate with him,
her chest heaving. He nipped at her earlobe, then kissed
her down and around her neck – a particularly receptive
area. He kissed around the neckline of her dress,
then began unbuttoning it, following his hand with
his lips, button by button, past her lacy peach bra, along
her stomach.
The exquisite sensation of his hot soft lips and
tongue on her cool body caused her to writhe with passion.
She ran her hands through his short dark hair,
and her feet explored his muscular legs and rear.
Chakotay licked her belly just above her panties,
then lifted his head. He made quick work of the rest of
the buttons, until the dress lay completely open.
He reached back and ran one hand all the way from her
foot, up her leg, past her hip, along her body
and back up to her shoulder. His lips returned to hers and
they shared another scalding kiss, plunging their
tongues in and out in prelude to the joining that would
come later.
Then he slipped off of her, onto the floor. Wordlessly
he urged her into a sitting position on the couch.
With her help, he pulled off her lacy panties.
He kneeled between her legs, propping them on the coffee
table behind him. Then he looked up at her and
smiled, a full dimple alert. "I’ve been told I do exquisite
things with my tongue," he whispered, and he proceeded
to reprise his performance from the previous
evening, for an equally appreciative audience.
Janeway came with a scream; her entire body shuddering
with the jolts of her orgasm. "Oh, god," she said
when she could speak, "I never imagined it would
be like this."
Chakotay grinned and chuckled. "Is that good or bad?"
"Oh, very very good," she said, "but also bad because
it obviously means my imagination is lacking." She
stretched languorously, then sat up on the edge
of the couch and ran her fingers over Chakotay’s face.
Then she grabbed the front of his gray t-shirt
and pulled on it. "Now, what’s wrong with this picture?"
"Hmmm…somebody has too many clothes on?" he ventured.
"Exactly. Now I want you to strip, Commander. That’s an order." She licked her lips lasciviously.
"Yes, ma’am." He stood up and in a smooth motion
pulled the t-shirt off. Then he hooked his thumbs in
his sweat pants and briefs and pulled them off
together, displaying the solid evidence of his arousal.
Janeway practically purred. She stood up, mere inches
away from him, and Chakotay pushed the dress
off her shoulders. It puddled on the floor. He
closed the distance between them; she gasped when his hard
length pressed against her belly. He reached behind
her and unclasped her bra, then pulled it off and let it
drop. He ran his hands slowly down her shoulders
and chest until they covered her breasts, his thumbs
lightly stroking her hard nipples. His hands continued
around to her back and he drew her into a tight
embrace and kissed her again.
"What’s your pleasure, Chakotay?" she whispered seductively in his ear.
"You. You’re my pleasure, Kathryn."
"And where do you want me? How do you want me? It’s
your turn to scream," she said and pinched his
rear.
"I want you everywhere, every way, I want you over
and over," he panted, becoming even more aroused
at her teasing.
"Well we have to start somewhere," she said, and
led him into the bedroom. His bed was unmade, and
she laid down in the middle of it. "Take me, Chakotay,"
she said breathily. "Make me yours."
He needed no further urging. He climbed on top of
her, pushing her thighs apart; she was very wet. He
wanted to enter her to the hilt in one thrust,
but knew it had been a while for her, so he started slowly,
little by little.
Janeway was having none of it. "Come on, Chakotay,
I can take it, I want all of you NOW!" She locked
her ankles behind his back, and pulled him into
her forcefully.
"Ahhhhhhh," he groaned, "oh gods." He pumped hard,
there was no holding back, and in minutes they
were both screaming their release together.
/*\/*\/*\
Juliana looked up from the padd she was reading
and was startled to see Commander Chakotay standing
there. It was an off time for the messhall and
very few people were around.
"Mind if I join you, Crewman?" He said politely.
"Not at all, Commander, please do." She eyed him
inquisitively. It had been a week since their encounter,
and this was the first time she’d had more than
a glimpse of him. It all felt a little surreal, after what they’d
been through.
He sat down and wrapped his hands around his coffee cup. "I just wanted to thank you."
"You’re welcome, Commander. But what exactly are
you thanking me for?" She had wondered what
effect, if any, her frank talk with Janeway had
had, and she suspected she was about to find out.
"I don’t know what you said to the captain, but
whatever it was it certainly had a impact on her. And it
has definitely changed my life for the better."
He grinned.
"I’m very glad to hear it. I don’t suppose you would care to elaborate?" She smiled.
Chakotay laughed. "Not too much. But I think I can
trust you to be discreet. I’ll just say that the captain
and I have finally moved past our strictly platonic
relationship into one that I find infinitely more fulfilling
– and I think she does too. She isn’t ready to
go public with it yet, but when she is, I’ll clue you in so you
can cash in on the betting pool."
"I appreciate that, but I don’t participate in the
betting pool. It’s reward enough to see you happy,
Commander. And the captain, too. You both deserve
it."
"Thank you." He briefly lay his hand on hers, then
stood up to go. "You deserve this kind of happiness
too, Crewman. I hope you are able to find it."
"So do I, Commander." She watched sadly as he walked
out of the messhall. "So do I…"
The End